Chapter Text
Ilya was a big man. Not an opinion, a fact. He was 6’3 and 250 pounds. So again, a big man. Ilya being a big man meant he ate a lot, and Shane being almost 50 pounds lighter than him made their diets very different.
Shane’s diet mostly consists of meal preps; chicken, salmon, quinoa, rice, and a bunch of vegetables that Ilya would rather feed to Anya. Ilya’s diet was whatever he was hungry for and a workout later that day. How he functioned like that? Shane would never know.
That being said, they did eat a lot of the same meals, Shane just tried to make them healthier.
Monday: Salmon with Roasted Vegetables.
Ilya ate the salmon and substituted vegetables for pasta.
Tuesday: Quinoa Bowls- Quinoa topped with black beans, corn, avocado, salsa, and Greek yogurt.
Shane had sat in the dining room for 10 minutes waiting for Ilya to come eat, only to go into the kitchen to find him adding steak to his bowl.
Wednesday: Tomato Soup
Easy right? A quick meal that Shane and Ilya both loved. Wrong. Ilya had made two grilled cheeses and brought them to the table.
“Ilya I’m not eating a grilled cheese with this, it doesn’t fit-“ Shane was cut off with a hand to his face.
“Does not fit in with your diet, yes, I know moy lyubyov. Other grilled cheese is not for you is for me.”
As you can see there is a common theme here.
Shane has had his diet made fun of more times than he can count. So, for dinner tonight he made burgers. Regular, fatty, whole hearted burgers.
Is what he would say if it was true. The truth is, he had made veggie burgers. He wanted burgers and his therapist had recently recommended that Shane stepped out of his comfort zone with food. So this was the next best thing. Comfortable, and still healthy.
Ilya had walked into the kitchen to a wonderful aroma. He had just gotten out of their home gym, and was sweaty and shirtless with his sweats hung low on his waist.
“Mm Shane what are you making? Smells good” He says, walking up behind Shane while peppering kisses on his neck.
“Burgers. They should be ready in about 5 minutes.” He leaned back into Ilya, tilting his head so Ilya had easier access to his neck.
“You. Made burgers? Who are you and what have you done with my Shane Hollander?”
“Your Shane Hollander huh?” Shane said, turning to look up at Ilya. Ilya nodded wordlessly and continued kissing Shane’s shoulder.
“My therapist told me to step out of my comfort zone so I decided to make burgers. I hope that’s okay, I know it wasn’t on the list we agreed on for this week but-” Shane was starting to spiral. It was normal when it came to food, the spirals that is, and Ilya knew what to do when Shane got like this.
Shane was cut off as Ilya flipped him around and stared at him menacingly.
“Shane. Is fine, I’ll eat anything да?” Ilya pressed his lips to Shane’s temple before going back to the living room. They didn’t often eat at the table and tonight Ilya was making him watch some reality tv show.
Shane finished cooking and brought the burgers to the table. He made sweet potato fries to go with the burgers but only because he knew Ilya would still be hungry.
“I hope you like it. I- I don’t know if you’ve ever had sweet potatoes but those are sweet potato fries.”
“Shane, I’ve had sweet potatoes, is not that uncommon in Russia. You did not poison me did you?” Ilya curled his eyebrow up.
“What? No I wouldn’t do that”
“Then all is good. Come sit.”
Right. Shane was still standing by the coffee table, awkwardly standing with his hands in his pockets.
Shane waits for Ilya to take a bite of his burger before he eats.
“Wow,” Ilya says, drawing out the sound.
“What?”
“Nothing, nothing. Is very good, better than the bird food you make. I am proud.” Ilya compliments, pulling Shane in to kiss his cheek.
“Thanks.” Shane huffs out a laugh. He wants to tell Ilya what it’s made of but he thinks he’ll wait until Ilya is done eating.
Ilya finishes his first burger and fries and stands up with his plate before heading to the kitchen.
He returns 5 minutes later with another burger and a handful of fries.
“Wow you really like it huh”
“Is okay.” Ilya murmured, food in his mouth.
Shane just watches him, trying—failing—to hide the small, nervous smile tugging at his lips. He picks at his own fries, waiting. Letting Ilya finish.
Ilya wipes his hands on a napkin when he’s done, leaning back into the couch with a satisfied sigh. “You should make this again,” he suggests, “Maybe bigger next time.”
Shane snorts softly. “Yeah?”
“Yes. Is good. Simple. Meat is seasoned well.” He pats his stomach once, like a granpda. “I approve.”
“Oh so all the meals I make have to be approved by you then?” Shane cocked a brow up and tried his best to look serious.
“Yes of course.” Ilya nodded, serious as well.
A small laugh leaves Shane. He takes a breath, then another.
“It’s not meat.”
Ilya laughs, “I do not understand.”
“The burger,” Shane clarifies, pointing to Ilya’s empty plate from where he’s sitting. “It’s plant-based. Like uhm.. vegetarian. No meat. It’s made from black beans, oats, and uhm.. Mushrooms” Shane doesn’t look at Ilya. He doesn’t even want to see the look on his face.
Ilya looks down at his empty plate. Then at the kitchen. Then back at Shane.
“You are telling me,” he starts slowly, voice deepening, “I just ate two not-meat burgers.”
“Ilya–”
“With Mushrooms? You said?” Ilya is nodding slowly as if it all is clicking into place.
“Yea” Shane lets out a small laugh.
“Is this because you think I am fat?”
Shane pauses for a second too long.
“What? No Ilya, what?”
Ilya stands up in front of Shane, pacing, and Shane is too busy trying to stop himself from laughing.
“You feed me vegetables disguised as burger. Sweet potato fries instead of normal fries. You think I am not noticing?”
“That’s not—”
“You must think I am losing my abs,” Ilya continues, lifting his shirt slightly to look down at his own stomach like he’s checking in real time. “Is intervention, da? Subtle. Very sneaky. Must think I have 4 pack now instead of 6.” Ilya is still looking down at his stomach when he ads, “Like Hayden.”
Shane just stares at him for a second. “…Are you serious right now?”
“I am very serious,” Ilya says, dropping his shirt and pointing at him. “First quinoa bowls, now fake meat. Next you take away my pasta completely.” He thinks for a second before gasping. “What about your mom’s chicken parmesan? Now what Shane? How do I tell her I can't eat it because her son thinks I am fat and needs to go on bird diet? She will hate me.” He exclaims.
“I did not take away your pasta, you replaced vegetables with it yourself! And my mom isn’t going to hate you because I’m not trying to put you on a bird diet.”
Ilya freezes mid-pace, turning slowly. That part is what really got him. “She will hate me,” he insists, “She makes chicken parmesan with love, Shane. With care. And I say, ‘no thank you, I am on bird diet now because your son thinks I am getting soft’—”
“I do not think you’re getting soft!”
“—she will never forgive me,” Ilya finishes, completely ignoring him.
Shane finally loses it, laughing into his hands. “Oh my god, you’re unbelievable.”
“You are sabotaging my relationship with your mother.”
Shane reaches out, grabbing Ilya’s wrist to stop his pacing and tugging him closer. “Ilya. I made veggie burgers because I wanted to try something different. That’s it. Not because I think anything is wrong with you.”
Ilya looks down at him, still a little suspicious. “…And sweet potato fries?”
“I like them,” Shane says again, softer this time. “And I knew you’d still be hungry so I made more.”
Ilya studies his face for a second longer before his shoulders finally drop. “…Okay,” he says, quieter.
Shane smiles a little, squeezing his wrist. “Also, for the record, your abs are very much still… annoyingly there.”
Ilya perks up immediately. “Yes?”
“Yes.”
“Good,” Ilya nods once, satisfied. Then, after a beat, “Better than Hayden.”
Shane rolls his eyes, laughing. “You’re not even competing with Hayden!”
“I am always competing,” Ilya says seriously, before nudging Shane back onto the couch and dropping down beside him.
Shane leans into him, still smiling. “You’re ridiculous.”
“And you fed me beans and did not warn me,” Ilya shoots back, wrapping an arm around him anyway. “We both have flaws. And now I am going to fart all night.” Ilya pouts.
“Ilya that's gross.”
“What? Is true. You have not heard of ‘beans beans magical fruit the more you eat the more—”
“Ilya.”
“It will be very unsexy if I fart in my sleep.”
Shane just stares at him for a second before groaning, “Oh my god, why are you like this?”
“Is valid concern,” Ilya insists, pulling Shane closer against his side. “I am thinking ahead.”
“Thinking ahead to what? Gas bombing our room in the middle of the night?”
“Yes.”
“That’s not something to plan for!”
“It is now,” Ilya says, nodding once. “You did this to me.”
Shane huffs out a laugh despite himself. “You ate two.”
“You let me eat two.”
“I didn’t force you!”
Ilya shrugs. “You did not stop me.”
Shane pushes lightly at his chest. “You’re ridiculous.”
“And you will suffer consequences,” Ilya shoots back, completely unbothered. “If I wake up and you are gone, I will know why.”
“I’m leaving the window open,” Shane mutters.
“I love you too solnyshko.”