Work Text:
In Chess It’s Called A Swindle
—
“I think we need to work on your catchphrase,” says Vlad.
“My catchphrase?” Danny echoes, in disbelief.
“I just think there may be some room for improvement there,” he explains.
… Taking a deep breath, Danny sighs.
It’s been three days since Vlad proposed their tentative truce. Vlad claimed he wanted to “disavow his wicked ways” (or something) and planned to “observe firsthand how to become a good person,” (or something), and would stop at nothing until he learned how to “properly turn over a new leaf, to make you— and Madeline— proud.”
(Exact quote.)
In practice, apparently that meant following Danny around on his patrols nonstop, offering his two cents on everything. His clothes, his fighting style… His catchphrase.
Honestly, Danny’s starting to wonder if this ‘truce’ is, in fact, a cover for trying to mentor Danny on the sly. He can’t call Vlad out directly, not without proof, (because what if this change of heart is real?) But until then, he’s kind of stuck humoring Vlad and his – whatever this is. This possibly- well- meaning, or- possibly- dastardly- plan.
Needless to say, Danny’s kind of at the end of his rope.
“So your catchphrase – “Goin’ Ghost”,” Vlad continues, tapping at his chin. “First off, it’s awfully trite, isn’t it?”
Trite, Danny thinks, dryly. He’s getting a C in English right now, but vocab grades aside, he’s pretty sure he’s just been insulted.
“And for your transformation, no less,” Vlad carries on, hand up in a sweeping gesture like he’s motioning to an imaginary crowd. “I mean, who is it for? The ghosts? The humans? Are you trying to destroy your secret identity? For shame.”
Danny’s right eye twitches.
“And what, may I ask,” Danny asks, spinning around to face Vlad with a saccharine smile. “…Does his cheesiness suggest?”
Vlad looks mildly surprised at Danny’s reciprocation, but he plows onward without missing a beat.
“Well for starters,” Vlad says, “Perhaps, if you insist on using a childish catchphrase—” Danny rolls his eyes, “—Consider using one at the end of your fights, rather than the start.”
The suggestion is unexpected, and Danny blinks. “Huh?”
“Like a finishing move. Like from those video games of yours,” Vlad elaborates. “Announcing it at the start of your fights gives your enemies a chance to attack you, and removes any element of surprise. Announcing it at the end is a gloat. A way to seal off your victory.”
That’s… not a bad suggestion. Danny blinks. Most of his fights end the same way, too, with the ghost captured in his thermos. Adding a catchphrase to that wouldn’t be too hard.
But what would he even say?
“Plus, it would remove the chance that passerby would hear your shout and put two and two together,” Vlad continues on, emboldened by Danny’s reaction. He scoffs, scornful. “Really, Daniel, it’s a wonder your secret hasn’t been blown a hundred times over by now. Honestly, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that catchphrase was something your father came up with, not you.”
Danny scowls in annoyance. But only for a split second.
Then he plasters on a grin.
“What a great idea!” Danny says.
“Oh,” Vlad blinks, surprised. “…You think so?”
“Of course!” Danny says. “Okay, here’s what I’m thinking: I pull out my thermos…” he narrates.
Danny pulls out his thermos, uncapping it.
“And I look my enemy in the eyes…”
Vlad nods, encouraging.
“And as I press the button—” he points it directly at Vlad and presses the switch. “I yell something like…”
There’s a flash of light. The thermos emits a beam.
“‘Get Souped, Idiot!’” Danny yells.
Vlad, startled, yelps as he’s caught in the ray. The vortex mercilessly sucks Vlad in and deposits him straight into the portable prison.
“… And then I cap the thermos closed. And maybe pose a little, in victory.” Danny caps the thermos with a smug smile, and then rattles it a little.
“So?” he prompts, knowing Vlad can hear him inside. “What do you think?”
Vlad sighs.
“We’ll work on it,” he mutters, knowing he’s been played.
—