Chapter Text
Goshiki’s nearly finished changing out of his Shiratorizawa uniform and back into his regular clothes when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. He bites down on his lip, a smile already tugging at the corners when he sees who the text’s from.
[1/612]
[From Shouyou]:
looking forward to this weekend!!!! It’s gonna be gr8 :))
Warmth blooms across Goshiki’s cheeks as he eagerly types out his response.
[To Shouyou]:
Me too!!!!!!
He grins and clenches his phone to his chest. When Goshiki looks up from his phone again, he finds his other teammates watching him with mixed expressions of curiosity and amusement.
Shirabu frowns and asks, “Texting Karasuno’s shrimp again?”
“Yep!” Goshiki nods cheerfully. “My parents are going away for the weekend so Hinata’s gonna bike over to visit me. It’s gonna be like, a weekend-long sleepover!” He’s practically bouncing on the balls of his feet just thinking of the weekend they have planned out. No more rushed visits or late-night Skype calls – they’ll have the next two days to themselves.
Shirabu gives Goshiki a blank look, like he’d only asked to confirm his own suspicions, not to hear more about Goshiki’s love life. He looks even less pleased than he did the time he sat next to Goshiki on the bus ride home, and overheard their ten minute long exchange of “No, no, you hang up! No, you!”
“Hinata, huh?” Their libero, Akakura, leans in and whispers conspiratorially, “Oh, maybe you could ask him what new tricks Karasuno has up their sleeve!”
Goshiki scowls. When they’d first started dating, he and Hinata vowed that volleyball wouldn’t come between them, and that they wouldn’t compromise their own teams by putting their relationship first. Goshiki’s seen the evidence of Hinata’s doubled efforts lately – late hours at the gym, scrapped knees, arms blotched in bruises, lips stretched in a proud grin, hair noticeably disheveled in the selfies he’s sent over the past few weeks. Despite his nagging curiosity, Goshiki’s known better than to press for details.
“Dude, c’mon. He’s not going to spy on his own boyfriend,” Sagae counters with a snort. “Besides, they’re probably going to be too busy doing other stuff.”
Akakura smirks as though he’s in on a secret. “Right! Wouldn’t want to spoil the mood.” He gives Goshiki a congratulatory pat on the shoulder. “You kids be safe, yeah?”
Goshiki blinks in confusion. They’re only a few months apart in age, and it’s not like Goshiki’s planning on hosting a party or anything.
“We’re just gonna be…watching movies?” he answers, his brow furrowing when waves of poorly-concealed snickers ripple through the Shiratorizawa change room.
“Sure, sure.” To Goshiki’s bafflement, Akakura winks. “Have fun watching ‘movies,’ then!”
What’s that supposed to mean? What else would we be doing? Goshiki wants to demand - but it’s exactly that moment when realization sets in.
Oh. Ohh. Ohhh.
Akakura meant—protection. As in condoms. As in for sex.
Goshiki wheezes.
He replays the conversation in his mind, his cheeks burning at the implication of Akakura’s words.
Would Hinata really be expecting…? They’ve been dating for almost a year now, Goshiki considers as he fidgets with the collar of his shirt. It would make sense. Yet—Goshiki anxiously chews on the inside of his cheek.
Does it make him a bad boyfriend if even the thought of sex has his stomach twisting in knots?
Goshiki’s still lost in his own panic-fueled thoughts when Shirabu makes a face and announces, “I really didn’t need that imagery, so thank you for that, Akakura.” He punctuates it by clicking his gym locker shut casting a dirty look at Akakura over his shoulder. “You’ll start next practice doing diving receives.”
Akakura squawks. “Eh? Why just me? That’s not fair!”
“And I’ll never get those past five minutes of my life back,” Shirabu counters drily. “Life’s unfair.”
Akakura concedes with a grumble and the conversation tapers off, Goshiki’s romantic endeavors long-forgotten by his fellow teammates. But Goshiki doesn’t know how not to think about it. He was supposed to be looking forward to this weekend, not dreading it – he’s already circled the event at least four times on his calendar.
Goshiki walks home in a trance, spends dinnertime picking and prodding at his food in disinterest and complains of a queasy stomach when his parents voice their concern.
He’s only halfway through the homework he’s been distractedly working through for the last few questions when his laptop chimes, altering him to the fact that Hinata’s started a Skype call with him. Goshiki shoots up in his chair and flings his pen across the room. He winces as the pen whizzes through the air, bounces off his mattress, and lands on his floor with a clack.
The laptop chimes again.
It’s just Hinata, Goshiki reminds himself, his ears still ringing, heart thudding against the cage of his ribs as he sits back down. As he pulls his laptop to himself slowly, light floods Goshiki’s small, dimly-lit bedroom.
He steels himself with a sharp breath and answers Hinata’s call.
Hinata’s face fills the screen.
“Eh, Tsutomu?” Hinata tilts his head to the side as he blinks at the screen sleepily. He’s dressed in a baggy, soft yellow t-shirt that drapes over his lean frame, and two tufts of his hair are sticking upright on top of his head, the small pigtails held together by sparkly pink hairclips.
Goshiki has to bite down on his lip to stop from laughing. He’s more than willing to bet the hairstyle’s Natsu’s doing.
“Hey, You there?”
“Yeah, m’here!” Goshiki waves. “Sorry I just…y’know, homework.”
Hinata groans in sympathy and launches into an account of his own school troubles – with all the late nights he’s been spending practicing, he’s spent twice as much time sleeping in class. He’d be failing English class if it weren’t for Yachi’s extra lessons.
“And Bakayama’s been his regular stubborn self,” Hinata huffs, a hint of fondness creeping into his tone. He scrunches his hair up between his fingers and lowers his voice in imitation, “Oi! Dumbass, stop receiving the ball with your face!”
Goshiki snorts.
Hinata blushes and hides his face in the crook of his arm. “Don’t laugh! It’s the ace’s job to stop the ball anyway they can!”
Goshiki knows better than to remind him that he hasn’t claimed the position just yet – Karasuno’s number five was named ace after their previous one graduated.
“So, what’s new with you?”
Goshiki reflects back on earlier that week. He passed a biology test, pet a cute dog on the way home, watched a movie about aliens, improved his straights during practice, had an awkward conversation with his teammates in the locker room. Goshiki tenses at the memory.
He turns his head to the side and mutters, “Nothing.”
“Eh? Nothing?” Hinata squints at him. “Are you sure? Cause you don’t seem as—” Hinata gestures excitedly, “Gwaaaaa!’ as usual.” His smile falters. “Is something up?”
If he were less of a coward, he’d spill out his worries to Hinata, but instead he shakes his head and tries pushing the negative thoughts from his mind. “M’fine.”
His lungs constrict in contradiction.
Hinata doesn’t look convinced. “Did you want me to bike over?”
Goshiki can’t help but grin at the thought of Hinata biking over at this ungodly hour, scaling the side of Goshiki’s house and climbing through his window, as though Hinata’s the love interest in one of those cheesy American rom-coms. “No, it’s okay,” Goshiki answers, “It’s a school night and—” Hinata yawns. “And you’re tired,” he finishes.
“It’d be worth it to see you,” Hinata argues, nose scrunching adorably.
Goshiki’s heart stutters in his chest. “We’ll, uh,” he flushes, “we’ll see each other over the weekend, though.”
“Yeah, that’s right, we will!” Hinata perks up again. His eyes go soft as he pillows his chin against his arms and smiles up at Goshiki. “M’kay, well, I gotta be up early tomorrow for practice - I just wanted to catch you before you went to bed. G’night, Tsutomu!” He blows Goshiki a kiss, and Goshiki makes an exaggerated dive to catch it.
“G’night!” Goshiki parrots as he combs his fingers through his bangs. “You have hair clips in your hair, by the way.”
Hinata stares in horror and lifts his hands to his hair, his face turning a vibrant shade of red as he tugs out one of the sparkly clips. “Oh god, those have been in there the whole time, haven’t they?”
He takes Goshiki’s amused smile as confirmation and buries his face in his hands.
“They’re cute,” Goshiki tells him.
“You’re cute,” Hinata mumbles, voice muffled by his hands. “Okay, I’m going to bed for real this time. Forget you ever saw me like this! Good niiiiiiight!”
“Good night!”
As Hinata’s face disappears from his screen, Goshiki sighs and sits back in his chair. Talking to Hinata has lifted at least some of the weight from his chest.
He likes Hinata. Like, a lot. If Hinata wants them to be intimate, shouldn’t Goshiki want that for them too? Especially if it makes Hinata happy?
Goshiki frowns and flops down onto his bed. What he needs, he decides, is advice from his sagely senpais.
~*~
Goshiki is miraculously saved from having to ask either Shirabu or Kawanishi for advice when, later that week, their coach announces that he’s invited Shiratorizawa’s graduated upperclassmen for a practice match. The gym falls quiet as the team exchanges anxious glances.
“Is it true what they say about Semi’s vicious serves?” one of the kouhai whispers.
Shirabu’s jaw clenches.
There’s a long, tense beat of silence - and then Tendou Satori’s bursting through the gym doors with a cheerful greeting. Tendou’s eyes gleam, his arms spreading wide and his face splitting in a wild grin as he gives the new team an assessing once-over.
“Hey kiddos,” Tendou croons. He turns his attention to Shirabu, his grin broadening as he rests a hand on his hip and leers. “Shira-boo, hope ya’ ready to have us veterans teach you youngsters what’s what!”
“Tch.” Semi scowls as the rest of the upperclassmen stride in after Tendou. “Don’t make us sound so old.”
The last to enter the gym is Ushijima.
“There they are,” the first year says under his breath, his face pale as he watches Ushijima. “Wakatoshi – one of the top aces in Japan.”
Another first year nods. “Damn, they’re so cool.”
Tendou’s face lights up when his eyes land on Goshiki. He bounds across the gym to ruffle Goshiki’s hair. “Heya, Tsutomu!”
“Hello!” Tsutomu straightens up and salutes him. “Welcome back!”
Amusement dances in Tendou’s eyes. He crouches slightly and waggles his brows as he murmurs, “Now, you’re not lording your new position over your underclassmen, are ya?”
Goshiki shakes his head vigorously. “N-No! Of course not!”
He stiffens a little as Ushijima approaches.
“Tsutomu,” Ushijima greets.
Goshiki balls his hands into fists and announces, “Today’s going to be the day I prove to you that I’m worthy of leading this team as their ace! That I’m worthy of my title!”
Shirabu looks like he’s going to have an aneurism. Tendou’s face is red from restraining his laughter while the rest of Shiratorizawa stares over in confusion.
“Okay,” Ushijima answers seriously. “Do your best.”
Goshiki narrows his eyes. He opens his mouth to argue when Tendou interrupts him with a snicker. “I see you’re still as cool as ever, Tsutomu!” he says approvingly, his lips curling in a smirk as he winks. “Fraid’ that’s all the time we have for reintroductions, though.”
“Tendou’s right,” their couch says. “Everyone get into position on the court.”
Tendou dashes onto the court. “Okay, Semisemi! Hit us with one of your stellar service aces, would ya?”
“Tendou, I swear to god.”
Today does not, in fact, end up being the day Goshiki proves he’s worthy of being ace.
Right before the match he gets a text from Hinata, and he makes the mistake of reading it before heading out onto the court.
[From Shouyou]:
ughH I just can’t stay focused in class when I’m thinking about this weekend!
Underneath’s a picture of Hinata with his lips curled in an adorable pout.
[From Shouyou]:
It’s gonna be super awesome, though! The wait’s just killing me, y’know?
Goshiki’s whole face turns warm as he quickly texts back, “I miss you too,” and then shoves his phone back in his gym bag before sprinted out onto the court.
To say he’s distracted would be like saying Shirabu’s bangs are just uneven.
Shiratorizawa’s current team takes the first set, but the upperclassmen leave them in the dust for the final two. It’s an embarrassing defeat, and Goshiki knows his weak receives and sloppy straights are partially to blame - but so are the indiscreet looks Shirabu cast in Semi’s direction for most of the game.
Half way through the third set, Semi’s off court, dousing himself with water when Shirabu swallows audibly and spikes the ball right at the back of Kawanishi’s head.
“Sweet, sweet victory!” Tendou calls out, when they’ve finished the final match. “Miracle boy Wakatoshi comes through once more! Y’know, I’m thinking it’s only fair that the losers buy their generous, handsome senpais dinner. What do ya say, Wakatoshi?”
Ushijima blinks at him in surprise. “I think that’s a good idea.”
“Then it’s settled!” he hollers.
“I’m not paying for shit,” Shirabu protests, but the third and second years end up treating their ex-teammates to ramen anyway.
~*~
“Did you want my seaweed?” Reon offers.
Ushijima nods. “And you can have my pork.” They lean over Tendou as Ushijima and Reon lift their chopsticks to each other’s lips.
“And I’ll have the egg,” Tendou sings and ducks down between their crossed arms, swiftly scooping the fried egg from Ushijima’s bowl.
Shirabu grimaces. “You three are gross.”
“Mmm?” Tendou tilts his head to the side and presses his cheek to Reon’s shoulder as he twines his fingers with Ushijima’s. He nudges his nose along the line of Reon’s jaw, a teasing smile curling his lips. “Hate to break it to ya, kid, but you’re just as obvious. Or are you and Semi not playin’ footsie over there?”
Goshiki hides his smirk behind his hands when Shirabu and Semi both scoot back from the table, glaring at Tendou. Their faces are red as chili peppers as they glare at Tendou.
“Thought so~” Tendou hums.
“Heya, Tsutomu,” Tendou says on the way home. The rest of the team’s parted ways, leaving Reon, Ushijima and Tendou to escort Goshiki back to his dorm. “Has something been eating at ya? You seemed a bit off your game today.”
“Your spikes could have been sharper,” Ushijima adds helpfully.
Reon’s brows furrow. “You’re not overworking yourself, are you?”
Goshiki flushes and shakes his head. “No, no it’s nothing like that! It’s not about volleyball.”
“Oh.” The tension eases from Reon’s shoulders as he smiles and lifts a hand to rub at the back of his own neck. “That’s good, then. What is it?”
“It’s—it’s stupid, honestly.” Goshiki gnaws on his own lower lip as he glances between his senpais. He’s never been any good at asking people for advice. His senpais look down at him, each of them staring expectantly.
Goshiki huffs and relents. “It’s just that, well. Shouyou and I have been dating for a while, but…”
Tendou cocks his head to the side. “Oho? Trouble in paradise with Chibi-chan?”
“Let him speak,” Reon lightly chides.
“He’s coming over this weekend and I don’t know if he’ll have any…” Goshiki clears his throat. “Expectations.”
“Oh.” Now Reon’s blushing, too, and Goshiki’s already starting to regret everything that’s led him to this exact moment.
Maybe, if Goshiki concentrates hard enough, he can make himself dematerialize.
“Eh? This is what’s been troubling you?” Tendou’s red eyes glitter in amusement.
God, this is so ridiculous.
Goshiki winces and stammers out, “It-it’s just a couple of my teammates were talking about - um - needing protection.”
“Ohhh? They shouldn’t have been running their mouths around their impressionable kouhai,” Tendou says as he scratches at his chin.
Reon shoots Tendou an unimpressed look. “Are you implying that you’re a better influence?”
“And Tstutomu’s in his second year now,” Ushijima reminds him.
“Yeah, yeah,” Tendou waves them off and arches a brow as he returns his attention to Goshiki. “So, does our precious, innocent Tsutomu-kun need to have ‘the talk’?”
“Satori’s a more than adequate lover, I’m sure he could offer good insights on the matter,” Ushijima adds, not noticing the way Tendou’s lips twitch in a grin as he tries biting back a laugh.
“Oh my god.” Goshiki whines and rubs his hands down his face. “Nonono, that’s not it at all! I, um. I don’t…” he looks at them searchingly. “I don’t want to do any of that stuff.”
“Ah! Well you’re still young. You don’t have to rush into these sorts of things,” Tendou reassures him but his words only worsen Goshiki’s nerves.
Goshiki makes a noise of frustration. “I don’t…think that’s it either. I don’t think I’ll ever…”
Whenever his classmates discuss sex in hushed, excited voices, the boys huddled together to drool over pin-up pictures of girls, Goshiki’s always felt left out, his stomach twisting at the realization that he’s different. It’s not just because he doesn’t like girls—he’s imagined boys in their places, pictured broad shoulders, strong jaws, chiseled abs.
It’s also that - those pictures don’t stir anything in him beyond admiration.
I’d like to look like that one day, Goshiki’s thought with a twinge of envy. Maybe one day when I’m the ace!
Goshiki meets Reon’s eyes and quietly says, “I think there’s something wrong with me.”
“Because…you don’t want to sleep with your boyfriend?” Reon asks. His expression looks pained.
Goshiki nods, tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes as he hugs his own chest.
“So dramatic, this one,” Tendou interjects, laughing as he ruffles Goshiki’s hair. “Kiddo, there’s plenty of people out there that don’t want to do the do. It’s a-okay to not like sex.”
“Eh?” Goshiki blinks in surprise and stops walking. “T-There’s other people? Like me?”
Tendou grins and jerks a finger in Ushijima’s direction. “Wakatoshi wasn’t comfortable with doing the nasty until half a year into our relationship, and Benkei here doesn’t like sex at all.”
“I really wish you would stop calling me that,” Reon mutters, rolling his eyes and leaning his cheek against Ushijima’s shoulder.
Ushijima leans back against him and murmurs, “I second that.”
“Ugh. Tsutomu-kun, do you see the way my boyfriends always team up on me? It’s awful, really,” Tendou says, only half complaining as he grins and intertwines his fingers with Ushijima’s. “I’m constantly being out-voted.”
Ushijima smiles back and reaches for Reon’s hand.
“Hold on, so Reon and I are the same?” Goshiki interrupts, his eyes wide and bulging as he bounces on the tips of his toes.
“Oh jeez. Well maybe not the exact same,” Reon answers, chuckling softly. “Asexuality – not experiencing that sort of attraction – it’s a spectrum. It’s different for each person.”
“Asexuality,” murmurs Goshiki, his lips stretching in a pleased smile as he repeats the word to himself over and over in his head until it starts feeling like it fits.
Maybe I’m not alone in this, he thinks.
“But, uh, if all three of you don’t, y’know, together,” Goshiki gestures awkwardly, “Then how do you make it work?”
Tendou, Ushijima and Reon exchange a fond look.
Reon replies, “Compromise.”
“Communication,” Ushijima answers.
“A lotta solo time. And cuddles!” Tendou pipes up. He lets go of Ushijima’s hand and reels his boyfriends in closer, wrapping his arms around both their shoulders as he nuzzles against both of them. “Also smooches! So much smooching.” He plants a sloppy kiss to Reon’s cheek in demonstration.
Reon snorts and clamps his hand over Tendou’s mouth. “Uck, you’re a menace.”
“So you don’t think Shouyou’ll have problem with it, then?” Goshiki asks, voice hopeful. “With me being… ‘asexual’?”
It almost feels ridiculous now, that only days ago he’d found himself suffering through the experience of buying condoms out of sheer panic.
Ushijima, Reon, and Tendou exchange a more serious look this time.
“I dunno, kiddo,” Tendou admits.
“Everyone has different needs,” Reon explains with a reassuring smile. “Like if one person said they didn’t want kids—that could be fine with their partner. Maybe their partner doesn’t want kids or was on the fence about it or would rather sacrifice that possibility than break up with their partner. For other people it could be a deal breaker. It’s not selfish to not want to have kids, but it’s important to make sure you and your partner want similar things or are able to compromise. Does that make sense?”
“I…yeah! That makes sense,” Goshiki agrees.
But where does Hinata fall on that spectrum, then? Is it a make it or break it thing for him?
Goshiki’s mouth dries. He twists the hem of his t-shirt between his fingers as he disappears into his own thoughts.
“Well, here we are!” Tendou announces when they get to the end of the street. He claps Goshiki on the shoulder. “It was good seein’ ya again! Don’t let some punks get in your head, got it?”
Goshiki smiles gratefully and salutes Tendou. “Y-Yessir!”
“Just talk to Shouyou,” Reon urges, his eyes soft and sympathetic.
Goshiki nods sharply. “I will.”
When Tendou and Reon start heading back, Ushijima lingers. His stare meets Goshiki’s.
“Keep working hard at your straights,” he advises. “You’ll get there.”
Goshiki’s hands clench into fists. “I’m going to get better. I’m going to prove to you—to them—that I’m strong enough to lead this team as their ace.”
Ushijima’s lips quirk in the slightest of smiles. “I’m sure you will. Tsutomu - do your best.”
“I-I will! Thank you!” Goshiki yells back as he watches Ushijima retreat. He grins and lifts a hand to wipe away his tears.
His heart’s alight with a new sense of determination - he resolves to tell Hinata the truth. He can only hope Hinata will be as accepting as his senpais are.