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Knuckles grunted in surprise when his back hit the dirt, pinned too suddenly for him to react. Above him, Shadow grinned in triumph.
It had been a few weeks since they’d last sparred, and months since they’d sparred regularly. They’d stopped when Shadow began training alone in the woods, and they couldn’t start again after that because Shadow had been recovering. When they finally decided to spar again, Shadow got into that accident with Sonic and Maddie only a couple days later, and their parents had forbidden them from the activity until Shadow was fully healed.
Knuckles hadn’t said as much, but part of him had worried that he would hurt Shadow unintentionally, which made him hesitant to start sparring again. But Shadow had been the one to drag Knuckles outside demanding a fight, claiming that he’d spent too long lying in bed.
As it turned out, Knuckles’ worries had been unfounded. Shadow was just as strong as he always was, recovering well from his time in the hospital. Knuckles should have known; his little brother was one of the fiercest warriors he’d ever known, even the suffering he’d experienced just recently wasn’t enough to slow him down.
“Gotcha.” Shadow boasted. “I believe this makes us tied?”
Knuckles scoffed, accepting the hand Shadow held out to help him stand. “Not quite, but nice try, brother.”
Shadow playfully rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna go get some water. Want me to pour you a cup?”
“Sure, give me a minute.”
Shadow nodded and turned toward the house, leaving Knuckles alone in the yard.
The moment Shadow was out of earshot, Knuckles finally let out the wince he’d been holding back, clutching the shoulder he’d landed on. He and Shadow never truly tried to hurt each other, but with their considerable strength, minor injuries happened occasionally. Multiple times, they’d gone out into the yard and returned inside with split lips and bruises. Shadow always felt intense guilt on the rare occasions he hurt Knuckles during their sparring matches, ignoring Knuckles’ reassurances that it was never anything truly terrible. If only the dark hedgehog had been around to see the way his first tribe used to spar and train together. A split lip or sore shoulder was nothing in comparison to those injuries.
Knuckles stretched out his shoulder and waited for the minor aches to pass before heading inside.
When he entered the kitchen, he found it empty. Two cups sat on the counter, both filled with clear liquid. Knuckles figured that Shadow had poured them, though he had no idea where the hedgehog had gone. With a small shrug, Knuckles grabbed one at random, quickly taking a few large gulps.
He choked before he fully registered the sour, acidic taste of the liquid. His throat burned as it went down, and he dropped the cup the second he realized that whatever he just drank was not water, plastic bouncing off the tile and spilling the remaining contents on the floor.
He coughed roughly, tears pricking the corners of his eyes as he tried swallowing around the burning sensation. His stomach felt oddly warm when the liquid reached it, something Knuckles had never experienced from a drink that had been room temperature to begin with.
His heart started racing when he realized what had just happened. He didn’t know what was in that cup, but his instincts immediately told him that it was poison. Did Shadow-?
No, Shadow would never intentionally harm him. And if he was going to make an attempt on Knuckles’ life, he’d never pick such a cowardly method to do it. He’d face him as a warrior would.
“-I just need to clean the metal, then it should work again.”
Knuckles turned toward the entrance to the living room, where Tails was talking to Shadow as they came into the kitchen. Shadow was holding a cup identical to the two Knuckles had seen on the counter.
They both paused when they saw Knuckles leaning against the counter, cup and mystery liquid spilled on the floor.
“…You okay?” Shadow asked, eye ridges furrowed.
“What-“ Knuckles croaked, clearing his throat before trying again. “What was in the cups?”
“It was just water-“
Knuckles could have sworn he heard a very tiny ‘Oh, shit’ from the fox kit’s direction
Tails’ namesakes flicked nervously, and he seemed to shrink in on himself as he said, “I- I think you drank vinegar.”
“What is vinegar?” Knuckles frowned.
“It’s sort of like alcohol?” That explained the burn. “I was gonna use it to clean something I’m working on.”
“Is it… safe to consume? I did not realize it wasn’t water until after I drank it.”
Tails shrugged. “Probably. Might wanna ask mom, just in case.”
Shadow’s ears flattened guiltily. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how close I put the water to the other cup.”
Knuckles shook his head. “It was not your fault. I am sure it will be fine.”
Shadow looked doubtful. “But, shouldn’t you ask-”
“I see no reason to bother mom with this. Besides, it cannot be any worse than some of the things I’d had to consume to survive in the wild.”
Tails and Shadow shared a nervous look, but neither of them argued.
***
Knuckles was dying. That was the only explanation his brain could supply when his stomach twisted with agonizing pain around ten minutes after he drank the vinegar.
He’d been in the middle of meditating outside when he first felt an odd pressure in his abdomen, not quite pain, but not a pleasant sensation either. He tried to ignore it, but it only took a few minutes for that pressure to become sharp, stabbing him in one particular spot repeatedly. The pain came in waves, getting worse each time it returned, and with it came the worst nausea Knuckles had ever experienced.
He barely managed to get back in the house and drag himself to the couch before the pain became almost unbearable. Every time the nausea grew stronger, he forced it down, heart plummeting every time he felt like he’d vomit.
It was Maddie who found him like that a few minutes later. She’d gone into the kitchen and just happened to peek into the living room, brows furrowing when she noticed Knuckles’ pain.
“Sweetheart, what happened?” Maddie asked, kneeling down beside the couch.
Knuckles was curled up on his side, arms wrapped around his stomach protectively. “Hurts.” He said through gritted teeth, waiting for the pain to pass. Speaking made the nausea significantly worse.
“Your stomach hurts?” Knuckles nodded, making Maddie frown. “Did you eat something that made it hurt?”
Knuckles waited until the pain and nausea eased up a bit to speak again. “I accidentally drank vinegar earlier.”
Judging by the way Maddie’s eyes immediately widened in alarm, Knuckles figured he should have told her about that much sooner.
“How much did you drink?” She asked, her uninjured hand lifting to pet the fur on his head.
“I don’t know. It could not have been very much.”
Maddie sighed. “Knuckles, vinegar is extremely harmful to echidnas. You should have told me as soon as it happened.”
“…Oh.” Knuckles swallowed. “Is it- am I-?”
“It won’t kill you.” Maddie said, but something in her tone crushed any relief Knuckles could have found in the reassurance. “But it could still make you very sick and cause damage to your stomach lining.”
Knuckles bit back a pained sound.
Maddie bit her lip, thinking. “Normally, I’d take you to the clinic and treat you there, but I still can’t drive, and I don’t have anything on hand that can help with pain or prevent further damage.”
It wasn’t often that Knuckles imagined his own death, but on the rare occasions when he had wondered what event would cause him to reunite with his first tribe, he’d always assumed it would be in battle- a true warrior’s death. He never would have guessed that it would be death by sour water (or whatever bullshit vinegar was supposed to be).
“I am doomed.” Knuckles bemoaned.
“You are not doomed.” Maddie said, amusement briefly cutting through the concern.
“Then what can I do to reverse this ailment?”
“Well, right now you’ve got two options: wait for the vinegar to pass on its own, or… force it out.”
“Force it…?” Knuckles’ eye ridges furrowed, but when he realized what Maddie meant, his stomach dropped. “No.”
“I know you don’t like-“
“I can’t.” Knuckles grimaced. “That is the one thing I refuse to do. I will just… deal with the pain.”
It wasn’t that Knuckles was afraid of vomiting - there was very little he was truly afraid of - he just despised everything having to do with it. Just feeling nauseous alone was enough to make him anxious, even if he knew it wouldn’t lead to… that.
“Honey, letting the vinegar pass on its own will cause more harm than throwing it up. It’s not ideal, but it’s the best we can do right now.”
“I will not do it.” Knuckles bit out.
Maddie sighed, lips thinning in worry. “Okay. I wouldn’t suggest it, but you can try to wait it out. It takes up to an hour to leave the stomach, so if you change your mind-“
“I won’t.”
“-you have until then to induce vomiting.” Maddie ran her fingers through his quills. “You should drink some water if you’re able to, it’ll dilute the vinegar and might help with some of the pain.”
“I’ll try.” Knuckles said, though he was reluctant to drink anything else. He’d had a little water after first drinking the vinegar, and it hadn’t done anything to prevent his current pain. “I’d just… like to rest now.”
“Of course, baby.” Maddie leaned forward to press a kiss to his forehead. “Just let me know if you need anything, alright?”
Knuckles nodded, though he assumed he wouldn’t need assistance with any of this. All he had to do was sleep through the worst of the illness, then he’d be fine.
***
Sleep refused to come to him. The pain and nausea only got worse with each minute that passed, and he couldn’t rest because of it. All he could do was lie on the couch and suffer. It got to the point that he genuinely considered Maddie’s… suggestion.
The thought of it alone made something in his chest feel tight. As much as he found the pain unbearable, he knew he’d feel the same way about making himself puke.
It would only take a minute, then the pain would be gone. If he’d listened to Maddie immediately, it could have been over with already.
But he couldn’t fucking do it.
He wasn’t even sure why he was so against just the thought of it. It was just a part of life, something infants could do without fear. Yet thinking about it made his breath hitch and the fur on the back of his neck stand up.
He didn’t even know how to make himself do something like that. He knew it was possible, but he’d never bothered to learn how it was done, because he never thought he’d need to. And despite how nauseous he felt, he knew nausea alone wouldn’t be enough to cause it. He’d spent years pushing it down through willpower alone. If he was going to puke up the vinegar, he’d have to force it to happen.
Another wave of pain twisted in his stomach, like small knives dragging along his internal organs. It was horrible, he couldn’t endure hours of this.
He knew what he had to do, but he’d almost rather the vinegar just kill him than put him through this.
With a miserable groan, he pushed himself up off the couch, slowly making his way to the hallway. He stopped halfway to the bathroom, leaning against the wall for support with one arm, his other clutching his abdomen. He should have just gone into the house with Shadow, why did he wait-
He barely managed to suppress a shout when the pain suddenly became more intense. The sound came out strangled as he doubled over, his knees hitting the floor.
He thought he heard a door open in front of him, but he couldn’t look up to confirm. It wasn’t until a black and red arm entered his vision that he realized it was Shadow’s door that had open. Shadow knelt in front of him, one hand on Knuckles’ shoulder.
“Knuckles? What’s going on?” Shadow asked frantically, continuing when Knuckles didn’t answer. “Hey, talk to me. Are you okay?”
Knuckles shook his head. “The v- vinegar… dangerous to echidnas.”
Shadow’s eyes went wide, ears instantly pinning back in panic. “Shit. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“No, I just-“ he had to bite back another pained noise. “I need to… expel it, then I will be fine.”
Shadow frowned. “Exp- oh.”
Knuckles grimaced, dragging himself back up to his feet. Shadow slipped an arm around his back to help him.
“…I’m sorry.” Shadow said quietly as he helped Knuckles walk to the bathroom.
“I am the only one to blame for my mistake.” Knuckles said. “You did not hurt me.”
“I fucked up, and now you’re sick because of it. How is it not my fault?”
“You did not pour the vinegar, or force it down my throat. I do not blame Tails either.”
Shadow let out an unconvinced huff, but he didn’t argue further.
When they made it to the bathroom, Knuckles froze, staring down at the toilet with apprehension. Shadow noticed it immediately.
“Knuckles?” Shadow said softly.
“…I don’t know-“ he swallowed roughly. “I’ve never… done this.”
“You’ve never made yourself throw up?” Shadow clarified, to which Knuckles nodded. The dark hedgehog hummed. “It’s actually not that hard.”
Knuckles blinked, confused, until realization hit him like a blow to the stomach.
He’d completely forgotten that this was something Shadow had… experience in. It wasn’t something they ever talked about, not wanting to make Shadow uncomfortable. After a while, it just slipped Knuckles’ mind entirely. Shadow’s abnormal eating habits and smaller portion sizes became routine.
“I can explain it to you.” Shadow offered.
Knuckles tensed. “You do not need to do that, brother. I understand that this may be… uncomfortable for you.”
Shadow sighed. “You’re the one with food poisoning, yet you’re worried about me? Honestly, you and Sonic are both fucking annoying sometimes.”
Knuckles laughed at that, which instantly brought back the pain that had only given him a single moment of reprieve. He winced silently, trying not to double over again.
“Don’t worry about me.” Shadow said, leading Knuckles further into the bathroom.
After a moment of consideration, Shadow shut the door behind them, which Knuckles was thankful for. The last thing he wanted was for Tails to start blaming himself as well if he saw how sick Knuckles had become.
Knuckles knelt down in front of the toilet, heart stuttering. Shadow yanked his gloves off, setting them down on the counter. He opened the toilet lid, then sat down on the tile next to Knuckles.
“You’re gonna need to remove your gloves for this.” Shadow said, almost sounding apologetic. “I know you guys don’t like showing your hands. I’ll look away if you want.”
Knuckles shook his head. “I do not mind it if I am only in the presence of my tribe.”
He removed his thick gloves without hesitation, lips twitching in amusement when he noticed the way Shadow’s gaze snapped away despite Knuckles’ reassurance.
“Alright, um.” Shadow sounded caught off guard. “All you have to do is trigger your gag reflex until it forces you to puke.”
He lifted one of his paws, raising his index and middle fingers, crooking them just a bit.
“Try to keep your fingers as flat as you can so your claws don’t scratch up the back of your throat. I… made that mistake a few times, and believe me, it’s horrible.” Shadow explained.
Knuckles looked down into the toilet, listening to Shadow speak, and every single muscle in his body locked up, stomach churning even worse than before. He felt his heart start racing, adrenaline flooding his veins, his mind screaming at him to run.
His paws started to shake at his sides, and he flinched when Shadow touched his shoulder.
“Knuckles, what’s wrong?”
“…Can’t.” Knuckles gasped around another wave of pain, tongue feeling heavy in his mouth. “I can’t d-do this.”
“Why not?” Shadow asked in a quiet, patient voice.
“It’s not- I’m-“ Knuckles couldn’t seem to get the words out.
Shadow’s head tilted. “Are you afraid of it?”
No, Knuckles wanted to insist. He wasn’t afraid of it- he wasn’t afraid of anything. He was stronger than such simple fears. He had to be. He was the Guardian of the Master Emerald, the protector of his tribe. He couldn’t afford to be afraid.
And yet, as he stared down at the clear water, pure dread tightened his muscles, making it impossible to move. It was as if his body was trying to stop him from what he knew had to be done, like the vinegar currently burning his stomach from the inside out would be less harmful than forcing himself to vomit.
“Yes.” Knuckles admitted in a small, shameful voice.
Shadow’s paw moved from his shoulder to the center of his back, resting there, acting as a grounding pressure.
“It’s okay, I know how shitty this is.” Shadow said, and if it were anyone else, Knuckles would have said it was an empty attempt at comfort. But Shadow did understand, far better than Knuckles did, and something about that helped put Knuckles at ease, even if it made him feel slightly guilty for it. “Wait here.”
Shadow stood up and left the bathroom, returning a couple minutes later with a plastic cup.
“It’s just water this time, I promise.” Shadow said sheepishly as he sat down on the tile once more. “This is gonna suck for you either way, but drinking water beforehand helps everything come up easier.”
He held out the cup for Knuckles, but he just stared at it anxiously.
“You don’t have to drink it, but… it’s helped me before.” Shadow said softly. There was something hidden in his voice that Knuckles couldn’t pinpoint. Not quite shame, but close.
With a shaky sigh, Knuckles accepted the cup and forced himself to chug its contents before he could think about it too much.
The effect was immediate: all of the nausea he’d been subconsciously holding back attacked him with a vengeance. Saliva began rapidly pooling in the back of his mouth, and his stomach flipped.
At the first gag, he made himself swallow harshly, still fighting back the nausea that he thought he was ready to face head on. He dropped the cup and leaned against the toilet, fingers clenching against the porcelain, almost hard enough to crack it, and began breathing heavily, forcing the nausea back down the same way he’d done for years.
“Don’t do that.” Shadow said gently, his paw returning to Knuckles’ back. “If it’s gonna happen, let it come up naturally. Forcing it hurts worse.”
Knuckles shook his head, panicked tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. He swallowed again when he felt liquid start to rise in his throat. He couldn’t let it happen, he couldn’t-
“One minute.” Shadow murmured. “That’s all it takes. Just one minute, then it’s all over. You’re strong, you’ve got this.”
Just one minute.
Knuckles had been through worse- he knew he had, so why did a single minute feel so overwhelming?
Whether he was willing to let the sickness happen on its own was completely out of his control, as the moment he let his tensed muscles relax just a little, liquid rose up in his throat faster than he could stop it.
The water had done nothing to suppress the sour taste of the vinegar, and the mix of stomach acid only made it worse. His eyes stung as he retched up everything he’d drank in the past hour, stomach cramping painfully. He was only given a couple of seconds to rest, coughing wetly before he was vomiting again.
Shadow pulled his quills back to keep them out of his face, then rubbed his back while waiting for the second bout of illness to end.
Knuckles did unintentionally crack the porcelain under his hands before the illness finally let up. By the time he stopped puking, he was panting and his whole body trembled. His mouth tasted horrible, and the scent alone was almost enough to make him gag again.
Before he could stop it, he started sobbing. Loud, gut-wrenching sobs escaped his throat, entirely unearned. It was over, he had no reason to be upset now, so why couldn’t he stop?
Shadow left his side for a moment, filling him with inexplicable panic. He heard a cabinet open, then the sink started running. Shadow returned to his side shortly after the sink cut off.
He gently pulled Knuckles away from the toilet, somehow breaking the powerful grip he had on it. He had a damp cloth in his paw that he used to wipe the saliva and stomach acid off of Knuckles’ mouth. Knuckles tried to stop crying, but he couldn’t, and every attempt only made him shake worse.
When Shadow was finished with the cloth, he set it aside and pulled Knuckles into a hug, wrapping his arms around his older brother’s shoulders. It was embarrassing how quickly Knuckles started clinging to Shadow, arms locking around his back in a near death grip as he sobbed into his little brother’s shoulder.
“It’s over now.” Shadow whispered, fingers carding through Knuckles’ quills. “You did so well.”
Knuckles let out an absolutely humiliating whimper at that.
“Feel any better?”
Despite how disgusting he felt, Knuckles nodded. The pain in his stomach had eased up, and though he still felt a bit nauseous, it wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been.
It only took a few minutes for Knuckles to calm down, but it was still far longer than he would have liked. He knew, realistically, that there was nothing wrong with crying, but it was still embarrassing for him to break down like that in front of his younger brothers.
He pulled away from the embrace to wipe the tears off his muzzle with the backs of his paws. He leaned against the wall while Shadow flushed the toilet.
“I am sorry you had to see that.” Knuckles said, voice rasping.
“It’s fine.” Shadow said, sitting next to him. “You alright?”
“I will be. I just… hate getting sick like that. I have no idea how you-“
Knuckles cut himself off, tensing.
Shadow sighed and leaned against Knuckles’ shoulder. “We can talk about it.”
“You do not need to.” Knuckles said, somewhat awkward. He hadn’t meant to bring it up at all.
“I know.” He nudged Knuckles’ shoulder. “Ask.”
“…How could you handle doing this every night?”
Shadow shrugged. “I was more afraid of what would happen if I didn’t do it.”
Knuckles frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I felt like I was… becoming weak, and I had to fix it. Part of that had been ‘fixing’ my diet, which…” Shadow let out a dry chuckle. “Did not go well. I wish I could say it got easier, but if anything, it just became more painful over time. But I felt like I had to do it, or something bad would happen.”
“Do you ever… want to do it again?”
“Want to? Hell no.” Shadow paused. “But I do still think about it. Every day.”
“Have you done it again since mom and dad found out?”
Shadow nodded, ears flattening a little. “A few times. I don’t mean to, it just- it happens sometimes.”
“And it doesn’t scare you to do that? At all?”
“Not really. I mean, it’s awful for a minute, but the feeling passes.” He nudged Knuckles again when he noticed the way his frown deepened. “Hey, there’s nothing wrong with being afraid of it.”
“It is such a foolish thing to fear.” Knuckles argued.
“So? Everyone’s got dumb fears.” Shadow said, and Knuckles couldn’t help but think that it sounded like something Sonic would say. “Sonic’s afraid of water. I’m afraid of the dark. Tails is afraid of those creepy ass puppets in The Dark Crystal.”
Knuckles blinked. “You’re afraid of the dark?”
“I-“ Shadow stiffened. “…Yeah. Something happened in the base, I’m- I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”
Knuckles nodded. “I understand.”
“C’mon, let’s get off the floor. It’s cold in here.”
It really wasn’t, but Shadow tended to feel cold sooner than the other boys. Knuckles chose not to mention it, following Shadow out of the bathroom.
They both washed their paws before they left, putting their gloves back on. Knuckles caught Shadow glancing at his paws before his eyes darted away again.
“Why do you wear gloves all the time?” Shadow asked. “In all the time I’ve been here, this is the first time I’ve seen you remove them.”
“I am not sure if this applies to the rest of our home world, but in my first tribe, our gloves were both weapon and protection. Our hands are sensitive, and therefore more susceptible to damage. For our own safety, we remove them as little as possible, and only around those who we trust.”
Shadow’s eye ridges furrowed. “Yeah… I’m guessing Tails wears them for a different reason.”
Knuckles laughed at that. “I do not know his reasoning. Almost everyone wears gloves on our home world, so I never even thought to ask.”
“Everyone?” Shadow’s nose wrinkled. “They’re just hands, why does it matter?”
Knuckles was just about to respond when a yawn interrupted him. He hadn’t even felt it coming, but his bout of illness had left him drained, and all previous attempts he’d made at resting had been a complete failure.
“Tired?” Shadow asked.
Knuckles sighed. “I was in too much pain to sleep earlier.”
Before he could react, Shadow grabbed his paw and all but dragged him to the couch, rearranging one of the pillows until Knuckles could lie down comfortably. Knuckles didn’t bother trying to fight the assistance.
While Knuckles laid down on the couch, Shadow disappeared in a flash of red, running or teleporting, Knuckles couldn’t even tell. He reappeared a moment later with one of the loose blankets from Knuckles’ bed, draping it over him.
“Thanks.” Knuckles mumbled tiredly.
He expected Shadow to leave the room after, but was shocked when Shadow instead walked to the empty half of the couch and sat down, pulling his legs up to rest beside him. There was something playing quietly on the TV; Knuckles couldn’t tell if it was a show or a movie, he’d just put something random on so he wouldn’t be left writhing in agony in a silent room.
“You do not have to stay, I will be alright.” Knuckles said. Part of him worried that Shadow was only sticking around because he still felt guilty about the water-vinegar mix up.
“Do you want me to leave?” Shadow asked.
“Well, no-“
“Then I’ll stay.”
Knuckles was too tired to argue, though he didn’t really want to, anyway. During his time with his first tribe, due to their home being in the middle of a forest, anything from wild animals to other people could have stumbled across them, so they always had at least two warriors watching over the tribe at all times, taking shifts in the night.
Shadow couldn’t have known this, of course, but something about having someone watch over him like that as he slept helped him calm down from everything he’d just experienced.
His eyes slipped shut before he made the conscious effort to do so, soothed by the knowledge that he was under the protection of his tribemate.