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It's known far and wide, from one country to another, regardless of majors and age, that finals week is absolutely hell. In addition to countless nights studying until the break of dawn, the atmosphere at university is similar to that of an apocalypse.
Everyone walks on fragile eggshells around each other, afraid they'd trigger another one of their zombie-eyed peers or ruin their own day with news of a concept coming on the exam that they'd never heard the name of prior to that moment.
For Beomgyu, who has spent his entire life equating his worth to the grade inked on a paper— although his boyfriend insists otherwise—, it's unsurprising that for the past week he has been surviving on instant coffee and ramen noodles and hasn't managed to keep in contact with a single friend since the fateful day his exams begun. It's not like they aren't messaging him, but his best friends know him well enough to not take his lack of responses personal.
Still, needless to say, he's been driven into a psychosis of sorts.
On top of the already insurmountable pile of studying and notes, he had been assigned a group project and was cursed with the worst members ever.
Okay, maybe not the worst ever, considering they still helped a little, but he was too embarrassed to admit to anyone that he'd been a pathetic pushover and accepted taking the burden of writing the majority of the paper on himself.
His members all had similar complaints of “I'm busy” or "I've got another assignment due, sorry guys”, and as though he wasn't in the exact situation, they asked if he could do it.
Unfortunately, Beomgyu’s still figuring out how to say no to others at his grown age of twenty-two, so he'd avoided their questioning eyes and nodded meekly even when he knew it would be too much of a burden.
And it definitely was too much for him alone to handle, because he spent the entirety of last night awake with weary eyes blinking at his laptop screen, tirelessly doing research and rereading over and over until the words appeared to be gibberish.
Beomgyu managed to complete it around 3am, yet, he pushed himself further, way past his limit, in order to study for his psychology exam that he had this morning.
His exam— which went terribly, leaving him with shaky palms and a pink nose as he rushed back to his apartment. The moment he opened the door, it's like the weight of all the heaviness from the past week caught up to him, and he broke down into shoulder-wracking sobs. Since then, it’s probably been over an hour, and Beomgyu has barely recovered, taking to hiding under a blanket and allowing his frame to be swallowed by one of his boyfriend's grey hoodies where the perfume hasn’t worn off just yet.
He so desperately wants comfort and company, whether it's from Taehyun, or Hyuka, or his favourite person in the entire world, his Yeonjun hyung, but he can't help but feel awfully embarrassed. At the end of the day, this is his fault, and if he didn't let everyone walk all over him, then he wouldn't have been so exhausted that he barely understood the questions on his exam, and he wouldn't have had to rearrange his priorities for other people.
This is his fault, so he should deal with the consequences on his own.
Beomgyu isn't exactly sure how much time passes, except that it must have been a while because daylight is fading away and his room is becoming darker— which only adds to the depressing atmosphere and the ache in his chest.
Which is why, when he hears rustling movements and his apartment door opening and closing, followed by familiar footsteps, he's incredibly confused. There's only one person who has a spare key and who sweetly hums louder than he realises while he's making himself at home, but said person is supposedly at work, isn't he?
There's barely enough time for him to wipe the dried tears on his cheeks and clear up the evidence of his mess when a pretty voice calls, “Gyu-ah, are you home?”
There's definitely not enough time to make himself presentable and prevent his eyes from welling up with tears again when the door to his bedroom creaks open and Yeonjun flickers the light switch on. Both of their eyes meet— a pair of guilty wet, brown ones finding the gorgeous, sharp eyes of his boyfriend as they turn soft and startled.
A frown knits its way into Yeonjun’s brows when he tilts his head, softly asking, “My baby, what’s wrong?”
It’s enough to make Beomgyu’s hand fly up to cover his mouth as another overwhelming wave of emotion washes over him, stifling down the devastating sobs that rattle his frame. “Hyung.”
At his broken voice, Yeonjun immediately drops what seems to have been a grocery bag from his hand, and rushes towards the bed, hand reaching out to tuck Beomgyu’s head into his neck.
“I’m here, sweetheart— hyung is right here.” He reassures, shifting them around on the bed so that Beomgyu leans against his entire frame while strong, warm arms wrap around him.
Beomgyu really didn’t think he had any tears left in him after he’d developed a headache from the ceaseless crying, but something about Yeonjun’s warm eyes and the scent of his perfume fading away and the caring strokes on his back is enough to break the dam once more. He burrows into Yeonjun further, hiding in the crook of his neck and wetting the tanned skin with his endless tears.
His heart hurts, and he cries, and cries and cries for what seems like hours and his boyfriend simply lets him. Yeonjun holds him close and whispers occasional sweet words, always along the lines of my perfect boy, my angel, my love, pretty pretty pretty, as if he doesn’t look like a disaster with a messy, red face and runny nose.
Eventually, the sobs calm down into soft hiccups, and he’s able to make sense of his own thoughts again. Slowly, Beomgyu raises his head and looks up at Yeonjun, who exhales a sigh of relief and immediately raises his hand to wipe the remnants of tears from his cheeks.
His boyfriend smiles at him, all crooked teeth and plump lips and with a clearer head, he feels sort of stupid for letting a bad day get to him that much.
Yeonjun lifts him by the waist and has Beomgyu sit on his lap in a more comfortable position, and suddenly the younger is feeling bad that he had him deal with that for so long. That, and the wetness on his shoulders and tank top. He grimaces, wondering how the older isn’t completely grossed out by him.
His voice comes out a little quieter than he expected it too, “Sorry, hyung. I messed up your clothes.”
Yeonjun rolls his eyes in response, leaning down to kiss Beomgyu’s forehead. “I mean, it’s definitely not the first time you got my clothes dirty.”
Beomgyu gasps, utterly scandalised and smacks Yeonjun on his chest as his ears burn pink. “Hyung!”
The older grins, pinching his cheeks and eliciting an annoyed whine out of him. “There’s my baby. I was getting worried that I’d have to bring an umbrella.”
“Liar.” Beomgyu pouts, crossing his arms in offense.
Unphased, Yeonjun decides to grab Beomgyu’s face and smother it in countless, obnoxiously loud kisses. “Junie! Stop–” He can barely get another protest out before he’s burst into an uncontrollable fit of giggles, flailing around uselessly.
Finally seeming satisfied, Yeonjun pulls away to gaze at him fondly and Beomgyu can’t help the silly smile that’s stretched onto his face. He loves his hyung so much.
“Will my angel tell me what upset him, now?” Yeonjun asks softly, a hand reaching out to fix Beomgyu’s messy hair.
“You’re going to think it’s stupid.” Beomgyu pouts, getting a little distracted as he says it by the tattoos curled around his boyfriend’s bicep, as if he doesn’t see them everyday, now that his brain is no longer clouded and has finally re-processed that his boyfriend is hot.
Yeonjun raises a brow, and while Beomgyu looks for words he mindlessly lets his thin fingers trail around the patterns he’s memorised countless times. There are numerous symbols and designs with many different meanings he’d over time come to learn about, but in the centre of it all, there’s a fierce tiger. A tiger that he got before he met Beomgyu, creating a coincidence that all their friends tease them about— because what’s the likelihood of finding a boyfriend, of, over two years already, whose name, ‘Beom’ means tiger, when you have one permanently imprinted big and bold on your arm?
That’s aside the point, though, but he can’t be blamed for getting distracted by his cool boyfriend. Essentially, Yeonjun graduated last year, and he’s already working a job as a tattoo artist, so Beomgyu is more than certain that when he tells his boyfriend that an exam is what had him so devastated, he’s going to break out into laughter, even if it’s not necessarily mocking.
Still, Yeonjun is patiently waiting for his response, having taken to fiddling with Beomgyu’s dangling earrings, so he tells him anyway.
“Uh, well. I had a bad exam today…” Beomgyu starts, and when he finds Yeonjun’s gaze, he whines dramatically when he spots the twinkle of amusement in his eyes. Exactly as he guessed, too, Yeonjun lets out a delighted chuckle, eyes creasing with it.
“Gosh, I hate you! I knew you would think it’s stupid.” He complains, attempting to pull away from Yeonjun’s grip to prove his point, though it’s futile when the older only pulls him in closer. His boyfriend gives him a knowing look, and it’s actually really annoying that he’s so beautiful because it’s terribly hard to stay mad at that face.
He fights back his own smile, because yeah, it is kinda silly, isn’t it?
“I don’t think it’s stupid though, bun. I just think you’re cute, that’s why I laughed. But if it makes you upset, then it’s completely valid because you work so hard, sweetheart. Anyone in your place would be disappointed.” Yeonjun explains, cradling Beomgyu’s face carefully. His eyes are soft and fond and it’s all too much for Beomgyu’s weak, weak heart.
“You think so?”
“I’m sure. I just think there’s something you’re not telling me, though.” Yeonjun admits.
Beomgyu blinks up at him with a frown. How does this man know him so well?
“There’s a little more to it than a bad exam, right?”
He looks down, ashamed. “Well— uh, technically it’s my fault.” Beomgyu mumbles.
“Your fault?” Yeonjun repeats, sounding like he doesn’t believe that one bit. When the younger one nods in response, his boyfriend tilts his chin up again and presses a kiss to his nose, causing him to emit a surprised little sound. “I highly doubt that, but tell me, love. Tell hyung, I want to make it better.”
And it’s been nipping at his skin, the self-deprecation and the guilt, but there’s no one he trusts more than his hyung, so he tells him.
He tells him of the group project they were assigned, and how he burdened himself with it. He tells him that he didn’t focus on his own exam, so he brought the failure upon himself, and he regrets it and it’s his fault and—
“Gyu. My angel.” Yeonjun starts, when Beomgyu is done with his rant but he’s still rambling, causing the words to die on his tongue as he listens to Yeonjun.
“That is in no way your fault. You did your best for the group, and you tried your absolute best on your exam too, and I know you wouldn’t do something like that unless you felt pressured. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“Cause I felt pathetic.” Beomgyu frowns, “It’s not like they bullied me into it, I just didn’t know how to say no, and— hyung, why am I such a pushover?”
“Beomgyu, don’t call yourself that.”
“It’s true—”
“It isn’t. Listen to me, baby. Please.”
There’s an edge of desperation to Yeonjun’s voice, and Beomgyu takes a deep breath to calm himself down because he knows he’s starting to get unreasonable. This isn’t the first time they’ve had this conversation, either, and he promised himself he’d be better this time.
It’s alright, because Yeonjun’s eyes are still warm and loving and he presses a kiss on Beomgyu’s head like he can’t bear being apart from him.
When their gazes meet again, he continues. “Listen to me, okay? I know I’ve said it before, and I know it’s something we’re working on— but you’ve improved so much, baby. Surely, I would’ve rathered that you said no to them, but I think anyone in your situation would’ve felt pressured to agree. I’ve seen you improve and stand up for yourself so much more in the last year than you used too, so don’t be harsh on yourself. Either way, it’s not “pathetic” or anything, you’re just kind, my Beomie. You’re kind and soft and you have so much love to give and that’s what makes you so special. It’s one of the countless reasons why I love you, too.”
As he takes in the words, his eyes well up with tears again. It’s true, he’s tried so hard and had to come out of his shell so many times lately to set boundaries for himself— and he couldn’t have done it without Yeonjun. And it was terribly difficult, too, but he thinks he’s stronger now. Maybe he has grown, maybe he isn’t such a disappointment after all.
“The exam is one thing, but it’s over and it doesn’t define your worth. You are everything to me, Beoms, and your friends, and even Soobin would agree that you’re too precious to be so hard on yourself.”
The tear escapes his eye, and Yeonjun’s thumb immediately catches it. Beomgyu holds onto his hand tightly, nuzzling into his palm, even though it's a little calloused— it’s still the softest place on earth for him.
“What would I ever do without you, my hyung?” He mumbles, heart aching with the emotions that he can't contain. This time, though, it's for a different reason, and he really doesn't feel as hopeless anymore when Yeonjun is there to reassure him. Now, he just feels a lifetime's worth of love packed in his chest for his boyfriend.
His lovely, lovely boyfriend.
“Hm, well, you’ll never have to worry about that.” Yeonjun whispers, leaning down and catching his lips in a gentle kiss.
Beomgyu smiles into it, giggling when Yeonjun deepens it and their teeth end up clashing because Yeonjun can't contain his grin, either. It's all plump lips and strawberry chapstick and foolish smiles, and he's content.
“Thank you, hyung. I love you.”
“I love you too, bun.”
While he’s letting everything settle over him, he remembers why he was surprised Yeonjun appeared in the first place. “Hyung-ah, aren't you supposed to be at work?”
The older one shakes his head, leaning back against the wall behind the mattress. “The client cancelled for the evening, so I told Soobin to close up the shop on his own because I have a boyfriend to cook for.”
Beomgyu rolls his eyes, glancing at where he’d left the grocery bag with ingredients stranded earlier on. “Well, what are you waiting for? Your boyfriend is hungry.”
Yeonjun laughs in disbelief, but then he’s pushing Beomgyu back down onto the bed with strong arms and stealing his breath away with another kiss, a bit hungrier this time, and Beomgyu thinks he wouldn’t mind failing another exam if this is his reward.
Later, when he’s showered and finally took time to take care of himself properly— washing his hair and applying lotion—, he walks into the kitchen to find a bowl of his favourite food waiting for him on the table, and his sweet boyfriend standing with open arms. (Distracting, really sexy, open arms.)
Yeah, he’ll definitely be more than alright, as long as Yeonjun is there to face the bad days with him.