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“Now, I think that’s where we can end today’s class! Goodbye, everyone, and I will see you all tomorrow.” He then rubbed his right fist with his left forearm, expressing a proper Eridian ‘goodbye’. Grace heard the array of complaints from the Eridian children. If he could continue to teach for longer periods, he definitely would... but the human body can only endure so much work before it burns out. “Aw, come on, guys. You all need to rest too. Rest is important.” He added, trying to comfort them. Soon enough, they calmed down and the antetheater was now empty. Grace sat down by this little podium and looked out to the ocean behind him.
The first week he began living on Erid, everything felt so out of place. The engineers and scientists were all brilliant in their work, and Grace was truly appreciative of how they were able to capture Earth on a distant planet. But, seeing the ocean, feeling the waves crash into him— it felt so surreal when he remembers that this wasn’t Earth. This was Erid, his new home.
“Hello, Grace.”
Grace didn’t need to turn around as he knew that voice all too well. The beautiful sound of Eridian language was even more captivating without having to use a laptop to translate it. He was glad he studied their language well before moving into the planet.
“Hey, pal.” He called out to Rocky. He heard his footsteps getting closer before seeing his friend sit beside him, also staring out into the ocean. “How was your day?” Grace prompted as he propped his arms behind him and leaned backward. “Good day. Had conference with other engineers and scientists. Continue teach about alien life.” Grace chuckled. It was funny to think that all his life, he would call other species such as the Eridians as alien; but now, being the singular human of Erid, he was the alien.
“How Grace day?” Rocky asked, his voice sounding chirper and melodic. Grace smiled as he closed his eyes, focusing only on the sounds around him. He could feel the cold wind hit his arms but he opted not to wear his cardigan that day. “It was also good. Pretty cool. My students were great as always, smart little kids.” Grace admitted proudly. He would always be proud of his students, whether the ones from Earth or from Erid. A sudden thought came into Grace’s mind, he wondered what could’ve become of his students from Earth? He hoped they would be living the best of their lives.
“Grace happy?” Rocky said and Grace could hear him inch closer towards him. He sneaked a peek by slightly opening his left eye before closing it again, “I am happy. Really happy.” Rocky let out a soft tune, which Grace didn’t recognize. He opened his eyes and turned his head to the Eridian, “What does that mean?”
Rocky gently stomped his front legs lightly before turning to face the ocean, “Does not mean anything. Simply statement of good mood. Humming equivalent of humans.” Grace nodded and mentally noted to remember the new information. Learning about Eridian culture was probably one of the more fun parts of his new life, aside from the science and teaching of course.
The two sat in silence for a few moments and Grace’s eyes followed the waves crash into the sand before retreating back. Flowing through each grain of sand, flattening the minute area it can reach before slowly going back into the vast ocean. His thoughts were interrupted as Rocky spoke again, “Does Grace have markings like Eridians too?”
Grace frowned. Markings? Does Rocky mean a tattoo? He doesn’t recall ever getting a tattoo. He vowed never to get one, afraid of how much it would hurt and also... their permanence. Plus, he couldn’t afford to get one anyone. His life on Earth consisted of him riding a bicycle to school... and it was not for exercise.
“Markings? I don’t have those, Rocky.”
“Then, what are these, Grace?” He could feel Rocky’s leg nudge on the his left upper arm. Grace followed where he was pointing, curious as to what caught his friend’s eyes before he stilled. Suddenly, every sound was muddled. The waves were still moving. The sunlight was still blaring. But Grace couldn’t sense them, as if he was encased in a box, blocked off from everything.
“Grace?” Rocky’s voice brought him back to the present. Grace found himself unable to reply. “Your heart rate rise. Are you alright?” Rocky asked, his voice tinged with sounds of anxiety. Grace looked at him before blinking a couple of times. He licked his lips nervously before trying to find the words to speak, “Sorry— I’m okay— It’s just... Sorry, Rocky.”
Rocky observed him for a moment before speaking again, “Was my question upsetting, Grace?” Damn it, why were Eridians so observant? Or was he just so transparent? Grace shook his head before looking back at the ocean. He rubbed his left upper arm in an attempt to soothe himself, feeling the slight bump in the skin as he did, “These.... aren’t markings, Rocky. Well— I guess, they kinda are... But it’s hard to explain.”
“I would like to know... if Grace want to explain.” Rocky said as he gently brushed one of his legs over Grace’s upper arm. The other continued to look out into the ocean, unbothered by the sensation. I mean, he shouldn’t be bothered by it. It’s been years since...
“Grace?” Rocky’s voice sounded hesitant. Grace bit the inside of his cheek, “There was a time of my life on Earth where...” He paused, unsure of how to word it in a way Rocky would easily understand. He also wanted to choose his sentences carefully, not wanting to cause distress to his friend. “Do you remember listening to that book about the human mind? Psychology?”
Rocky slowly moved his leg away from Grace’s ‘markings’ and stared into the ocean, mimicking his friend’s relaxed posture, “Yes. Human mind complex. Very hard to dicipher. So confusing. Very different from Eridians.” Grace couldn’t help but nod. Eridians were... at least from the first few weeks he has been living on Erid... They were direct and; Grace supposed “confrontational” would be the word equivalent to their behavior if he was measuring by human behavior.
“What about book, Grace?” Rocky questioned, “Do markings relate to book?”
Grace pursed his lips and was silent for a few seconds before he spoke again, “Remember that chapter about humans purposefully causing damage to themselves? Not in an autoimmune multiple sclerosis way; but in how our minds think.”
Rocky was silent and Grace decided to continue, feeling more comfortable about revealing a bit of his past, “I used to do that too. Those markings. They were... Sometimes, I had bad days.” Rocky looked at him intently which Grade felt a little squeamish but he continued explaining, “And when I couldn’t handle those bad days... I opted to,” His hand found its way to one of his scars, feeling their textures, “...I guess, hurt myself should be the correct term.” He let out a chuckle, not out of enjoyment but feeling the slight shame rising in his chest. God, why did he even tell this to Rocky? He could have just lied and said it was a tattoo, or something more interesting... not pitiful.
“Grace... wounded self... question?”
“Yeah, pal... But I don’t do that anymore, it’s been a long time since I...” Grace didn’t finish his answer. Suddenly, his view of the ocean was blocked as Rocky climbed in front of him. If the Eridian had eyes, Grace believed they were probably staring right at him,
“Woah, Rocky—”
“Grace don’t deserve pain. Grace good. Grace best friend. I love Grace.” Rocky spoke, at a faster pace than usual. Grace had a little difficulty understanding them but he got the gist of the message. “Why Grace did it? Did... humans do something to Grace?”
The human waved his hands as he shook his head, “No, Rocky. They— It was all me, Rocky. I was in a messed up time of my life then. Wasn’t thinking clearly. Stupid that time.”
It was at that moment that Rocky made a series of new sounds. Grace couldn’t understand what he was saying but he felt it was probably an expression of unpleasantness. “Grace said difficult time. Explain.”
Rocky stood there, awaiting his answer. He just couldn’t comprehend how Grace could do something like that to himself. Rocky knows how painful injuries can be. He was not a stranger to the sensation. For Grace to do it on purpose on his own body. Rocky just couldn’t understand. He needed to understand. Find a solution. He needed to help Grace.
“Rocky help Grace. Rocky fix.” He sputtered out, slowing down his rate of speaking to allow Grace to understand him again.
A frown formed on Grace’s face as he stared at Rocky as if he were some stranger. “Why Grace quiet, question?”
Suddenly, Grace was gently pushing him away, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’m fine, Rocky.” Rocky stepped to the side as Grace stood up. He was grabbing his laptop from the podium and fixed his uneven glasses resting upon his face. Rocky didn’t falter and continued to block his way, “No, no. Rocky not let Grace avoid this. Rocky help.”
He didn’t want Grace to be hurt anymore. Not the person who saved him, his home. Not when Grace gave him the chance at another life, a happier and more fulfilled life. He just wanted Grace to be happy.
Grace let out an exasperated sigh. He was feeling a little annoyed. He could feel the tension rising in his muscles. This conversation should have never happened. He should have just lied, if he knew this was how his Eridian friend would react. Grace wasn’t stupid, he was aware of how damaging his self-harm tendencies were in the past. But he couldn’t blame himself entirely, he truly was in an unstable state of mind then, death was nothing but a promise of freedom from his humanity and likewise, his source of suffering.
And yet, hearing Rocky say he wanted to ‘fix’ him. It just didn’t feel right. Sure, he wasn’t proud of that time in his life but nonetheless, it was a part of him. It is a part of who he is. Fixing it? Grace knew Rocky had the best intentions but he felt a little, could he say, offended? Hurt?
“Rocky, I’m fine, okay? I don’t do that shit anymore so it’s best for both of us to just drop this topic altogether.” He exclaimed, a little louder than he intended. Without waiting for a reply, Grace began walking back to his home. He suddenly realized how dumb it was to start an argument with Rocky, the only Eridian he fully trusted. Grace wasn’t on Earth anymore. As a matter of fact, he was probably 30 or so light years away from his home planet. If he got on the bad side of the only other person who can ensure his survival...
“Grace...” Rocky called out to him but he didn’t hear any footsteps towards him. Grace continued to walk away, now halfway through the beach. He was thankful his home was a walkable distance as he felt the tears forming in his eyes.
If he were being truly honest with himself, he knew Rocky only said those things because the Eridian was worried for him. But somehow, Grace felt exposed and forced into a corner; as if all his efforts towards getting better were...
“Ryland.”
Grace continued to look at the mountains of books in the room. It was a paradise in there, most likely filled with textbooks on human psychology. His therapist sat across from him, a worried expression etched around her face ever since he opened up about what he did.
He finally made eye contact with her and let out a nervous chuckle. He took off his glasses and placed it on the table beside his chair. He rubbed his hands on his eyes, feeling the strain of insomnia and exhaustion getting to him.
“I’m going to be very frank with you because I know you’re well-aware of your own self, Ryland.” His therapist began. Her voice didn’t show an ounce of anger nor sadness. It was soft and quiet.
“But one wrong nick—” Grace leaned back in his chair as he closed his eyes, “One cut a little too deep.”
Grace could only muster out a quiet, “I know.”
Grace found himself standing in the midway point between his house and his classroom. He saw Rocky now in front of him calling out his name, “Grace!” He snapped back to the present before sinking down on a crouched position. God, he was so pathetic. He wiped a tear away from his face only to feel another tear running down his cheeks.
Rocky wrapped two of his front arms around Grace’s crying form. Did he make him cry? He hadn’t meant to but his questioning must have pushed Grace to his limit. Rocky felt an uncomfortable sensation in his gut. He heard Grace mumble in between his sobs, “I’m sorry, pal. It’s just— It hurts to remember sometimes.”
Rocky did hurt Grace. He should have been wiser, should have seen the discomfort. Feeling Grace’s shaking form in his embrace, Rocky decided it be best for him to rest. Without another word, he scooped up Grace in his arms, “What—” He heard a little yelp from the sad leaking human. Rocky let out a small melody, finding Grace’s reaction a little endearing. Rocky had never really carried anyone in his arms. He and Adrian didn’t have children and by Eridian standards, he was of the smaller sized ones. But seeing Grace in his arms, his tearful and curious eyes staring at him, he couldn’t help but find it quite ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.
“Rocky sorry for many questions. Overwhelmed Grace. Rocky bring Grace home.”
Grace looked at Rocky, then to the arms (or were they legs?) carrying him, and back to his Eridian friend. Upon hearing Rocky’s apology, Grace muttered out, “No, Rocky. I’m sorry. You don’t know any better and I’m just so sensitive.” Rocky didn’t reply and was humming a tune as he carried Grace all the way back to his home. He felt a little embarrased at this whole situation. Him, an almost 40 year old man, being carried by his alien friend, back to his house. He knew other Eridians wouldn’t be able to see in his little biospace on Erid but Grace looked nervously around.
They managed to get inside the house without any difficult and Rocky gently placed Grace down on his living room sofa. He handed Grace his blanket and placed pillows around him.
Grace wiped the dried tears from his eyes using the sleeves of his cardigan. He watched as Rocky moved around his house, closing the door and then dimming the lights; knowing how Grace would rest better in the darkness. He then moved towards the windows and closed the curtains.
“Rocky, I’m—”
“Grace.” Rocky said as he plopped down in front of Grace, “Rocky not fully understand human mind.... I am sorry. Rocky will continue to study, learn more... Rocky there for Grace always.”
This time, it was Grace who jumped towards Rocky, wrapping him in a tight embrace. He could feel one of Rocky’s legs slowly rub on his back up and down, “Thank you. Thank you, Rocky. I’m sorry too—”
“No, no. Grace no apologize. Not your fault.” Rocky gently guided him back on the sofa, “Grace rest for now. Grace tired.”
Grace smiled, feeling the effects of sleep dawning upon him. “You’ll be here?” He asked, feeling a little childish.
“Yes. Grace sleep. Rocky watch.” Rocky said as he placed one arm on Grace’s right hand. Instinctively, Grace held on his arm and it didn’t look like he was letting go any time soon. Rocky didn’t move away either. He watched as Grace’s eyelids slowly closed. He stayed in place, observing as his breathing and heart rate as it slowed down.
“Sleep well, ‧₊˚♪ 𝄞₊˚⊹.”