Chapter Text
Jace remembered the night he had died, his father driving the mortal sword into his heart, holding him as he died "my son" he had murmured "my boy" as the life had left Jace's body. And then he had been awake, life flooding into his body. The love he had once felt for her seemed to have died with him that night for he never loved her quite the same.
Perhaps it would be best to backtrack to tell you how Jace came to this conclusion
He was in the training room with Clary, she didn't seem to suspect anything was amiss between them but Jace felt off. He remembered a time when all he wanted was to be with her but now....he felt restless with her, something just wasn't right.
"I have to go get us a rope I'll be right back" he hastily remarked to her "five minutes", He felt so terrible to be taking every chance to get away from her but it was like she was suffocating him at all times. He found the rope he was looking for and took a deep breath before returning to the training room. Usually it was Maryse that was in charge of Clarys training but today it was Jace he had to play the dutiful boyfriend after all. Jace walked back into the room where Clary was up on the high beams waiting for Jace to tell her to jump. He painted a smirk on his face.
"so are you planning to stay up there all night?" he called up to her
"I thought you were coming up here" she shouted back "change of plans?"
"long story. so you want to practice flips?" he forced himself to grin at her. Many of there conversations went this way these days nothing too deep or meaningful and always, always with Jace putting on a show for her. And she never noticed it, he thought she had known him well but it seems he was wrong. He found himself avoiding her more and more, he just couldn't stand her, but she was his girlfriend and he loved her, right?
****
Jace stopped outside Clarys front door, they were going on a date that afternoon. A picnic he had planned out everything perfectly, every thing from the blankets to the sandwiches carefully cut and with Clarys favorite ones peanut butter and cinnamon. He rapped on the door and it flung open as if she had been waiting on the other side of the door. Her red hair was pulled back in two French braids and she was in a black tank top and purple skirt which had some white and pink paint staining the hem, by all accounts she was beautiful. Perfect even.
She smiled up at Jace, a light blush fanning across her cheeks
"your just on time" she giggled
"as I always am" he flashed a smirk at her and held out his hand for her
"are you ready?"
she nodded quickly and took his hand shutting the door behind her.
"So" she asked "where are we headed?"
Jace flinched internally why is this so hard he thought "it's a surprise!"
Clary grinned "I can't wait"
as they entered central park he guided her to the place he had decided on, the basket hooked on his arm. He paused just underneath a tree and let go of her hand and a strange relief went through him to no longer be touching her. He set the basket down and began laying out the blanket
"oh Jace it's perfect" Clary exclaimed
He forced yet another smile for her.
"I thought you would like it"
she dropped down on the blanket reaching into the basket to help him retrieve the food and lemonade he had packed
"so I bought some new paint recently that I wanted to try out" Clary started as Jace sat down
"oh?"
"yeah"she continued "and I was wondering if you could pose for me?"
Jace had to force himself not to sigh unhappily
"yes! of course I'd love to" he lied
"Ah that's great"
sure Jace thought it will be great this is my girlfriend come on what wrong with me?
she leaned forward then to kiss him, and he kissed her back. she climbed in his lap kissing his neck, he remembered once this sort of thing would have driven him mad now he just wanted her to stop. He pushed gently on her hips until she got the clue and pulled away getting off of him
"is something wrong?" she inquired
"NO!" Jace flinched at his own loudness "I'm just uh not in the mood for that is all"
"oh" she mumbled quietly
they finished their date in near silence
As they walked back she took him by the arm "I'm sorry" she apologized "I shouldn't have done that without asking you first"
"it's fine" he mumbled "don't worry about it"
He kissed her forehead, what was strangest to him was he actually did love Clary, honestly he did but he just didn't want to be dating her. where were these feelings a few months ago when he needed them. he cared about her that's why he was still here in this relationship, it just felt like that romantic feeling wasn't there anymore and that made him more sad than anything else
"so"she told Jace "are we still on for Wednesday, helping my mom and Luke? wedding planning is going to be so much fun"
"of course we are" he promised"I wouldn't miss it for the world"
****
Jace sat at the table as they discussed wedding arrangements, Jocelyn and Clary happily chattering about her wedding dress. He felt extremely awkward, how was he supposed to be interested in this. He looked across the table at Luke who smiled at Jocelyn nodding to her suggestions of purple flowers.
"excuse me" Jace mumbled "I need some fresh air" not that there was much of that in the city
He stepped outside taking a deep breath attempting to steel himself before he went back in to discuss shoes or something of that nature, when the door opened behind him, he hadn't expected it to be Luke that came out.
"hey, can I talk to you for a moment"
"sure" he replied
" Listen Jace, I know your probably not doing amazing and all considering all that's happened but..." he paused "are you ok?"
Jace was shocked that Luke was asking him this what did it matter to him.
"what do you mean, I'm fine"
"you just don't seem happy, with Clary i mean"
"I don't know what your talking about" Jace defended"who else would I be happy with?"
A look if confusion past over Luke's face
"I didn't say you had to be with anyone else"
Jace felt very stupid for having said that of course he knew who he wanted he just couldn't bring himself to admit it
****
Jace decided that he would go see Simons band that night with Clary and Isabelle the girls had begged and begged him until Jace ever the softhearted fool for his adopted sister had agreed. Jace suspected Izzy had a little crush on Simon but with her you could never be completely sure. When they walked in there was already a band playing, some cover artists doing a shitty rock cover of Jolene by Dolly Parton. Simon came up to the three of them hugging Clary
"I'm so glad you guys came" he grinned at them "though I didn't expect you here Jace"
"we threatened him" Isabelle pipped up
"said we would tell everyone about his thong collection"
Simon laughed and Jace couldn't even be mad his whole face lit up when he did.
"Simon" one of his band members called and he looked over his shoulder
"ok I gotta go, I hope you guys are ready for our best work yet"
Jace soon found out that it really wasn't all that good. But the girls seemed to be having a good time, at one point leaving Jace at the table to go dance.
Clary and Isabelle were still twirling around and giggling together even after Simon had stopped playing and came to sit beside Jace.
"well?" he asked
"well what" Jace replied with a smirk
Simon rolled his eyes "was it good?"
"no, you guys sound like dying seagulls" Jace admitted
"damn"
Simon was sitting so close to him that have could smell him, his soap and cologne lavender and pine and something spicy maybe cinnamon...
he found himself staring at Simon for nearly too long, strange desires collecting in his mind. Simons hands on his neck and face Simon kissing him, pushing him against a wall. A memory danced behind his eyes of the night that Simon had bitten him, pinned down on the rusty blood soaked floor of the boat. How Simon had kissed him, deeply passionately and how they never spoke of it again. Jace could have died there that day and he would have enjoyed every second of it. Suddenly Jace stood up out of his seat
"tell Clary I'm not feeling well and that I'm going home"
he didn't give Simon time to answer before he was gone
****
When he arrived at the institute he rushed up to his room hoping to avoid Maryse, he should have known that wasn't possible, because she was standing in his now pristine room with a hamper full of laundry. When she made eye contact with Jace she looked guilty as if she had been caught in the act of something nefarious.
"I know you don't like it when I clean your room but it was really bad and I'm worried about you Jace" she stammered
"it's fine" he grumbled even though it kinda wasn't
She fled the room immediately his basket in tow as if Jace were a monster she was escaping
His phone rang just then and Alec's name lit up the screen, he picked up immediately, a relief so strong it almost knocked him over went through him and he sat down heavily on the bed
"Alec, thank god" he sighed into the phone
"I knew something was up" Alec's voice came through the speaker
"mother decided to clean my room... again"
"again?" Alec asked "how many times has she done it since I left?"
"three times" Jace groaned
"you know if you cleaned it she wouldn't go all clean freak on you"
"yeah I know I just can't" Jace admitted "I don't think I'm doing so good Alec"
"why what's happened?"
"it's like.... would you say I'm crazy if I said I don't want to be with Clary anymore?" he asked his parabati
"no that's not crazy, but why? I thought you were insanely in love?" Alec questioned
"so did I, but it feels like I'm forcing myself to do anything around her and...she just doesn't make me happy."
"you should break things off with her then" Alec stated clearly "stop playing around and tell her how you feel, sometimes people fall out of love it happens, and you haven't known her long, maybe you loved the person she was before but she's different now and so are you and that's ok"
"yeah" Jace agreed"your probably right"
they talked about Alec's vacation the rest of the call until Jace fell asleep with him still on the line
****
When he had walked into the dress shop looking for Clary so she could give him his leather jacket he saw Simon in there and he caught his breath something about the way he leaned against the couch in the center of the dress shop made Jace's stomach turn around. "is Clary here?" he asked Simon. He remembered when Simon had worn glasses but now Jace had a clear unobstructed view if his deep brown eyes. just then Clary came in wearing paint stained jeans and flannel beneath the exact jacket he was looking for
"ah there you are I need my jacket" he called to her
she smiled at him, she seemed way to happy to see him or perhaps adequately happy, considering Jace was actually the problem
"hello handsome" and she pulled off the jacket and handed it to him.
Now he just wanted to leave, He had even sprinted out of the dress shop just to escape her many questions of are you okays and what are we doing later
This was why he decided he must find someone else to lurk around, and Simon would do just fine. It definitely had nothing to do with that kiss he couldn't stop thinking about He was waiting outside the shop for Simon to come out, looking back and forth down the street and shoving his earbuds in. Jace had been following Simon for a while, but then took note that he wasn't the only person looking for Simon's company tonight. Several figures in grey track suits were tailing Simon, and of course Jace was too but that was different.
the muggers stopped Simon on the street and he heard Simon talking to them
"look, I don't know what this is about but you really want to leave me alone" the people just gawked at him.
"I'm getting the feeling someone sent you after me, but it's a suicide mission" he said hastily "seriously I don't know what they're paying you but it's not enough"
Jace rolled his eyes stifling a laugh. leave it to Simon to warn his attackers.
One of the men raised his arm and in it was a hand gun. As Jace quirked his brow secure in the knowledge that nothing was going to happen to Simon but this attacker was about to be shot seven times, he began to ready himself to assist, he would jump from the top of the building he was on.
"oh man, you really, really don't want to do that, I'm not kidding" Simon announced taking a step back up the steps he was on.
"don't-!" he shouted just as Jace dropped down atop the man with the gun knocking him to the ground. The second mugger leaped twords the gun and before Jace could react fired it, but the gun tore itself apart and the man along with it never reaching its target. Jace watched as Simon sank to his knees, and moved quickly into action grabbing his wrists and haul him to his feet
"Simon! Simon!" he yelled shaking him as rough as he dared. "what the hell was that?"
"you....you jumped the muggers-?" Simon stammered.
"those weren't muggers they were following you since you got off the subway" Jace explained "someone sent those guys"
"the other one" Simon asked "what happened to him?"
"he just vanished" Jace mumbled " he saw what happened to his friend, and he was gone, like that."
"yeah I figured that part out thanks" Simon replied sarcastically
"it was your mark wasn't it?" Jace stated "I've seen lots, but I've never seen anything like that"
"but I didn't do it I didn't do anything" Simon sounded so heartbroken that Jace felt the sudden urge to hug him which he quickly stifled "you didn't have to" he stated "for it is written, vengeance is mine; I will repay saith the Lord." he declared
"ok?" Simon mumbled with an eye roll "is this really the best time to quote the Bible?"
"hmm" was the only sound Jace made before saying"I should take you home"
"ugh" Simon groaned in exasperation "what are you my boyfriend?"
Jace chuckled and gestured for Simon to walk, and he did just that complaining all the way about how he really didn't need an escort.
when they entered Simons apartment the vampire made a beeline for the bathroom and Jace moved to the living room sprawling himself on the couch and grabbing the book that was left in the coffee table, Lord of the rings he thought never heard of it.
But he dropped it back where he found it when Simon came into the room
"I see why you like it here there's a thin layer of nerd all over the place" Jace stated almost affectionately
"Thanks I appreciate that.." Simon looked all to annoyed with Jace.
"you look lousy" Simon commented
Jace felt briefly stung "seems like an odd time for an insult contest, but I'm sure I can think of something"
"no, I mean it" Simons eyebrows pulled together in concern "you don't look good"
"this from the guy who has the sex appeal of a penguin-"
"JACE" he interrupted "I'm not trying to insult you!!" he softened his voice "I mean you look sick. when was the last time you ate?"
"yesterday?" Jace replied
"you ate something yesterday, you're sure?"
Jace just shrugged "well I wouldn't swear it on the angel but I think it was yesterday yeah"
Simon turned then to the fridge before shutting it with a sigh and grabbing his keys from the counter"come on, there a supermarket on the corner we can get you some food there"
"fine let's go" Jace didn't really care where they went as long as it was away from Clary.
As they rounded the corner to the store Simon asked suddenly "so, were you following me? or was it an amazing coincidence that's you happened to be on the roof of the building I was walking by when I got attacked" Jace stopped waiting for the traffic light to turn so he could walk after all he didn't want to be hit by a car "I was following you"
"why"
"why not, you shouldn't ask why and instead ask why not" Jace stated in the hopes of confusing Simon enough to stop asking him these questions.
When they reached the supermarket Jace pushed the door open and Simon followed along after him hauling a cart.
"so do you have any idea who may want to kill you" Jace asked
"maybe Raphael. He seems to hate me, mad he wanted me dead before."
"it's not Raphael" Jace stated clearly.
"how do you know?"
"because Raphael knows about the mark of Cain and I have a hard time believing he would be that stupid, whoever's after you it's someone who isn't in the know about this" he explained brushing Simons hair to the side to glance at the mark on his forehead before dropping his hand.
"but that could be anyone" Simon mentioned
"exactly" Jace smiled at Simon but not the fake ones he offered Clary these past few weeks a real one.
Simon shook his head "do you know what you want to eat or do you want me to keep pushing this cart around the aisles until you see something that amuses you?"
"that" Jace cleared "I'm not really familiar with the layout of mundane store, Mayrse usually cooks the food for us" he shrugged and picked up a misshapen fruit "what's this?" he asked
"that's....a mango" Simon looked at Jace in bewilderment.
"huh, I've never seen one that wasn't already cut up" Jace explained "I like mangos"
"perfect what else do you like?"
Jace thought for a second "tomato soup"
"tomato soup" Simon gave Jace and quizzical look "you want tomato soup and a mango for dinner"
Jace shrugged "I don't care about food, if it's edible I'll eat it"
"fine ok stay here "Simon insisted "I'll be right back"
it wasn't long after Simon left that two teenager girls came up to him with smiles and hair twirling the taller of the two teetering on platform heels "excuse me" she proceeded to flirt with him but he wasn't all to impressed and he found himself grateful when Simon returned and the girl returned to her friend
"what was that all about?" Simon asked
"I think she asked to touch my mango"
"WHAT"
"No I'm just kidding" Jace smiled "she gave me her number. But I don't care can we go now?"
Simon nodded and walked home with Jace in tow.
****
"so you really can't think of anyone who might want to kill you?" Jace asked Simon once again. He was leaning against the window of the bedroom and
Simon was laid out on his bed.
"no!" Simon sounded exasperated "unlike you there aren't a lot of people who dislike me"
"you don't dislike me" Jace was shocked he had said that, but Simon just looked at him
"sure, Jace but I don't exactly like you"
Jace moved away from the window kicking off his boots and climbing into bed beside him
Jace figured it was his turn to play the caring friend. "How long has it been since you.....ate? you look pretty bad"
"this morning"
"you should eat again" Jace insisted
"I'm rationing I don't have much left, and besides its cold so it's not the same" Simon contended.
"I could....help you" Jace looked down at Simon who sat up abruptly
"I don't think that's such a good idea" he objected. "after what happened last time" He was about to get out of the bed Jace knew and he grabbed Simons wrist pulling him back to the mattress
"please Simon, it's just I want to help you after today and .....it's feels so good" he was unsure whether he meant the kiss or the bite but both had been wonderful and have would do anything for Simon to do either one to him
Simon stared at him for a long moment but Jace could see it in his eyes he wanted his blood, wanted him, and that gave him a rush like none he'd ever experienced. He leaned in closer to Simon and placed his cheek against his
"I trust you" he whispered gently in his ear. It all happened suddenly. Simon curling his hand around Jace's neck his teeth sinking in, Jace relaxing into his arms in a way he had only known with Simon.
Jace heard him let out soft moans and it made his hips lift pushing himself against Simon wrapping his legs around him. Simons hands slipped from his shoulders to his waist then his back, scooping Jace up and laying him down against the bed Jace threaded his arms over his shoulders
"oh Simon" he groaned breathlessly, and that seemed to break the hold his blood had on him and he pulled back just enough to gaze down at Jace.
Jace saw a drop of blood on the side of his mouth and he reached up to swipe his thumb over Simons mouth and bringing the bead of blood to his own lips. He saw something light Inside Simon a fierce desire
"Jace" he breath "can I kiss you"
And Jace was nodding before he even really knew what he had asked for. Simons lips on his kissing him like he needed it like Jace was the only source of oxygen in the room. Jace was burying his hands in Simons hair as their hands roamed all over each other, Jace reaching out and pulling off Simons shirt. Simon moaned into his mouth when his hand crept beneath his pants and he ground his hips down on Jace with a shiver
"take them off " Jace demanded and Simon pulled away doing as he asked but didn't return to Jace without first pulling off his jeans as well.
Jace reached down to Simon placing one hand on his lower back and the other on his penis which was already stiff as Jace wrapped his hand around him stroking lightly but then with more fervor and when Simon finished he felt it across his hip.
Simon began to move across Jace's body then and lifted Jace's shirt kissing across his ribs his stomach as his mouth moved lower until he was pulling Jace's penis into his mouth, sucking at first slowly from his inexperience. Jace flinched silently and reached down, using his thumb to adjust his mouth, Simon looked up at Jace making eye contact for a second before closing his eyes, after a few more words of instruction Simon had Jace all figured out and he was done.
Simon pulled back as Jace tried to catch his breath, he laid down beside Jace laying his head down on the pillow beside him and pulling the blanket up over them both, when Jace fell asleep that night it was better sleep than he had in a while.
****
when Jace woke up the next morning he got dressed quickly, leaving Simon sleeping in the bed beside him.
He would need to go home and shower, he walked up to Simons mirror that was hung on the wall there was a crack I the glass. Jace looked to his neck and saw the two small holes and reached for his stele drawing a quick iraze on his collar bone it did nothing for the bruises and hickeys but at least the wound was gone.
when he stepped out into the hall he heard some rustling from the kitchen and walked in to delicious smells of eggs and frying bacon. "well that looks good" he said to the man standing in front of the stove who turned around to look at him, he had long dark hair that was pulled back into a loose ponytail and brown skin with lines and lines of tattoos along his arms and poking up from the hem of his t shirt, his dark eyes fell on Jace "well" he grumbled "I didn't know Simon was fucking a shadowhunter."
Jace just stared at this guy until he saw his necklace "your a werewolf" he stated matter of factly
"yeah I am and what of it?" Kyle accused Jace assumed this must be Kyle who else would it be
"nothing" Jace defended "I don't have a problem with downworlders you think I'd be sleeping with one if I did?"
Jace realized suddenly that he had indeed had sex with Simon last night that it wasn't just blood or an elaborate dream he really had fucked up what was he going to do about Clary? He decided then that he would break things off with her right away, no more beating around the bush he also decided that he wouldn't tell her about him and Simon after all this wasn't his only reason for leaving, it was just the last of many
Simon came into the kitchen just then
"why didn't you tell me your roommate was a werewolf?"
Simon stopped in his tracks "what?"
he looked at Kyle then "your a werewolf?"
"I can explain" Kyle stated
"you had better" Jace threatened
"Jace it's ok" Simon placed his hand on his shoulder"maybe you should go home"
Jace hesitated for a moment before turning to the door but not before pausing to say "you'll be ok right? you got this?"
"yes I'll be alright" Simon promised "remember this" he smiled and tapped his forehead.
Jace left the apartment with a new mission, breaking up with his girlfriend
****