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Hear me out-

Summary:

Tim and Danny attempt to do a Hear me out Cake, this goes as one would expect.

Notes:

So, I started this weeks ago but then school kicked my ass, however when a cybersecurity incident occurs and you can’t access your school site, well, it frees up some time.

So enjoy! And I hope the few that got some samples of this enjoys the full thing!

Work Text:

Tim and Danny are standing in front of a camera setup with a cake in front of them.

"Danny you said we don't have to do everything that the users suggested, really we can still back out of this one."

"Absolutely not, I have committed, I stuck the photos on the skewers and didn't even let you peek. You did the same, we're doing this."

"We're gonna get cancelled, I'm gonna get a smear campaign about how the CEO of Wayne Enterprises wants to fuck a snowman."

Danny turns and looks at Tim in surprise, "a snowman? That's the strangest one you picked? That's so lame, do better."

"Obviously it's not a snowman, do you even know me?"

"Everyone knows these are a joke, don't stress, anyone who seriously thinks you wanna fuck any of these are actually crazy."

"You do make a good point there."

"So how do you wanna start? Ease in or go fully unhinged to start with?" Danny questioned.

"It's like you don't even know me, King Slime!" Tim declares pulling a stick out behind his back to stab into the cake.

"King Slime…"

"He just looks like he would be kind, and there is so much to hold onto."

"You said a snowman earlier as the worst case but you picked King Slime to start with?"

"Yes."

"Well, okay then, my turn next, Gritty!"

"Gritty? That's tame, everyone wants to fuck him."

"No?"

"This is the equivalent of saying you wanna fuck Mothman, everyone does."

"You got me there," Danny agrees with a laugh.

"Do better, like me when saying Mr. Mime!"

"You hate clowns, I hate clowns, why the fuck do you wanna fuck Mr. Mime?"

"Ash's mom seems to have a great time, besides he looks like he would know what to do with his fingers."

"Are they fingers?"

"Digits.”

"Why is that worse.”

"You know I'm right.”

"I'm not discussing Pokémon clown sex, you wanted me to be unhinged? Fine, a lowercase d.”

“What”

“Something to fuck and having somewhere to hold onto.”

"Oh my god."

"Dude which one, because there are so many, personally I'm fond of some of the Egyptian ones, Anubis call me!" Danny gestures holding a phone to his ear.

"Anubis is not real and he will not call you!"

"That's what he would like you to believe, you just don't wanna compete with an Egyptian god," Danny declared smugly.

"No, and I am the best thing that ever happened to you, you should be glad that we are together."

"You are the best thing in my life! But in my death? That is endless, and isn't it till death do we part?"

"We are not married, and if you keep at this, we never will."

"Wait no love!"

"Reflect on your actions and words, while you do that, I'm putting my next person down.”

Tim places a stick with a photo of Eiffel Tower into the cake.

"What," Danny utters completely befuddled.

"I have no comment."

"I DO, WHAT?!??"

"It would be a great partner in bed."

"To stab yourself with?!??"

"Listen, we all have wants and needs."

"What do you want? A knife, a tower?"

"Well I do like your tower," Tim leers at Danny.

"No, you just lectured me about wanting an Egyptian god, you have no right to talk about my ✨tower✨"

"How did you manage to make emoji appear while speaking?" Tim asks genuinely confused.

"It's a talent, you just have a skill issue."

"What."

"What?"

"You know what? You can have this, I won't mention the god again and you won't question the tower."

"Oh no, I won't question it but I will definitely remember it. Either way it's my turn!" Danny proclaims as he crams a stick with a photo of Patrick from SpongeBob.

"You didn't go for sexy Squidward?"

"That's basic, Patrick has depth."

"He does not."

"Patrick has 5 points, that could be fun."

"You were just razing me about the Effiel Tower."

"Well that one is hurt pointy!"

"Remind me that we have some shopping to do after this we finish filming, I think there is a certain toy that we would both really like."

"Which is?"

"Oh no, that would be spoilers!"

"Pleaseeeee"

"No, later."

"Fine."

"Good boy," Tim utters before pressing a kiss to Danny's cheek, making him go red for a second.

"uiuggfijgfd," Danny squeaks.

"While your brain reboots in the wake of me, I'll go next!" Tim declares grabbing a stick and stabbing the cake with a photo of an imagined image of a doorknob.

"Babe?"

"Yes?"

"Why are so many of yours objects?"

"Objects deserve love too!"

"Well you're clearly loving them a lot, but you can put down people or living things, you know that right?"

"Yes!"

"Just making sure."

"Well, let's just move past this, I'll go next!" Danny replies grabbing a stick and placing a stick with a photo of Thranduil."

Tim just looks at him disappointed again, "you couldn't even pick Legolas?"

"LEE PACE PLAYS HIM, WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? He was great in Pushing Daisies!"

"Of course that was the media you locked onto with him," Tim teases.

"What?"

"I'll explain later," Tim laughs.

"You better,"

"Listen would I lie to you?"

"Well-ooofff" Danny spurts after Tim elbows him.

"Just for that I'm going next!" Tim says and stabs the cake with a stick with a photo of the Bat-Symbol on it.

"The Bat-Symbol?"

"It's the light on the police headquarters."

"Tim."

"What?"

"We'll talk about this later."

"Why?"

"We'll talk about this later."

"Okay, I'm confused but sure?"

"Well then, I'm running out of sticks, I should have done more, but I'll put in my last one." Danny muses as he inserts a stick with a photo of….Alfred Pennyworth.

"ALFRED?!?!"

"That man would treat me well and feed me after!"

"My grandfather?!?! What is this, some weird manwha story??!?!"

"Dude, I need to get you onto the BL manwha scene, there are some impeccable stories there, I am still obsessed with Define the Relarionshp."

"We did? Were engaged?"

"I'll explain later."

"Fine, and now I don't feel guilty now putting this in as my last stick!" Tim smirks as he places a stick at the very front of the cake, clearly being a photo of Vlad Masters.

"VLAD?!??"

"What?"

"VLAD MASTERS?"

"Yes."

"Ricoch93672gocjdocosb:9/$3.”

"How did you keysmash numbers out loud?"

"CLEARLY MYSELF AND TIM NEED TO HAVE SOME OFF CAMERA DISCUSSIONS, GOODBYE!" Danny fumes and starts walking towards the camera recording.

"Wait-" Tim says clearly trying to stop him from turning off the camera.

"No, goodbye ghosties," Danny grits out and the screen goes blank.

 

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