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Zuko sits away from the group as they smile and laugh, gathered around the campfire he lit and eating the soup Katara cooked for dinner. He leans against a pillar while he watches them have fun.
Sokka is telling a story, wild gestures accompanying his exuberant recollections. He’s telling Aang and Toph about the time Katara threw his socks in the freezing cold ocean, unable to put up with the smell any longer.
She’s scowling and crossing her arms as Toph laughs. Apparently, their grandmother scolded her for the stunt and forced her to wade into the freezing waters to retrieve the repugnant socks.
Zuko can’t help smiling. Sokka and Katara may fight all the time, but it’s clear they love each other. Azula and him used to be the same, before his father realized how advanced her firebending had become. Before the Fire Lord realized his daughter was better than his son. Before Azula started training and vying for their father’s attention, while Zuko retreated to the comfort of his mother’s arms.
He misses when they would chase each other in circles around the turtleduck pond, giggling like the children they were. Sometimes, his mother would join them. Kneeling gracefully by the lakeside and catching them in her arms as they ran past. Tickling their sides and hugging them close while they squealed from laughter.
Eventually, his father’s poisonous praise seeped into Azula’s heart. She stopped wanting to play with him, too concerned with pleasing their father. His father’s vehement ramblings of how Zuko was weak made her hesitate to associate with him. She didn’t want to damage the image their father had of her. The child prodigy.
She started pushing him into the water instead of jumping in first. Shooting fire at his turned back while they played tag. Cackling at his exclamations of pain.
Their mother saw her differently too, unable to meet her darling daughter’s eyes. Appalled at the similarities between her husband and daughter.
Zuko was a child, he didn’t understand why they couldn’t get along. He loved his mother and sister the same way he always did, but like always, his father ruined everything.
By the time his grandfather was killed and his mother disappeared, Zuko understood. He realized why his family didn’t love each other the way they were supposed to. The way Uncle and Lu Ten loved each other.
It was him. He was the reason.
Mother left to protect him, killing his grandfather to prevent him from killing her son.
His father hated him, disgusted at having a failure as his son. What kind of Prince wielded swords better than fire?
Azula followed father’s lead. Too reliant on his praise and approval to question him. Before long, she even began agreeing with him.
‘Zuzu’ became a malicious taunt instead of an affectionate nickname. She stopped using it whenever she’d flee to his bedroom during a lightning storm, pleading to sleep in his bed. Instead, Azula used the nickname when she mocked his firebending.
She no longer played games with him in the gardens outside the palace. He became her shameful older brother, someone she measured her skills against, a goal she had already surpassed.
Zuko himself was the outlying factor for everyone in his family, the reason why they stopped loving him and loving each other. His uncle was the exception, but Zuko couldn’t fathom why. The Dragon of the West was always the black koala sheep of the family.
He was the banished prince of the Fire Nation, the Avatar’s firebending teacher. He was Zuko, unloved by his family.
Team Avatar had been friends long before he came into the picture. He had hunted them and burned them. Fueled by the desperate need to please his father and earn his love.
It made sense why Katara distrusted him, why she supervised his lessons with Aang and never let them be alone together.
Zuko had given up his chance of being welcomed back to the Fire Nation, all to train the Avatar. Lost the reluctant comradery that had been building between him and Azula to help Aang defeat his father.
It didn’t matter that the rest of them were cautious. They still treated him with kindness. Still included him in jokes. Aang called him Sifu Hotman, Toph liked to punch his arm, and Sokka smiled at him.
Even if it was clear he was not a part of the group, Zuko knew they’d fight with him and not against him.
It wasn’t that Zuko thought they were bad people. He didn’t. He just thought that it was too difficult to love him.
He didn’t blame them and he didn’t blame his family.
It took too much effort to love Zuko, it was good that they figured that out early.
It didn’t bother him at all.
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Zuko wakes up with the first hint of Agni’s rays on the horizon and quietly makes his way over to Aang. He loathes to wake him up, Aang needs all the sleep he can get, but this is more important. He needs to train.
The airbender groans when Zuko pokes him, but thankfully he wakes up quickly and stands without further protest.
He watches to make sure Aang kneels in the correct firebending position, facing the sun on the cliff side of their usual meditation spot, and listens to make sure he is matching Zuko’s meditative breathing.
They stay in their positions until the sun has fully risen, and Zuko tilts his head back to soak in the light of Agni’s rays as their meditation comes to an end.
Aang starts squirming impatiently, so he stands and leads the way to the training area with one last parting look at the horizon.
Aang speaks for the first time since awaking, “So, what are we doing today Sifu Hotman?”
“I thought I told you not to call me that,” Zuko groans and levels the airbender with a glare.
Aang continues smiling cheerfully and he reluctantly lets it go. It’s been days of asking him to stop calling him by that nickname. If Aang didn’t listen to him the first few times he asked, he is not going to start now. Besides, it’s nice to have a nickname. It’s been a long time since anyone called him by one. Azula stopped a long time ago.
He spots Katara approaching from the corner of his good eye and resists the urge to sigh. He doesn’t doubt that if she didn’t need her sleep, she’d also supervise their morning meditation.
Trying not to pay heed to Katara’s judgmental eye, Zuko guides Aang through the warmup stretches while going over the day’s training plan in his head.
He puts on a smile, hoping he looks cheerful. “First, we’re going to begin by going through the katas you’ve learned.” Aang sags in relief and Zuko continues firmly, “While firebending.”
The airbender turns white. He knows why Aang is scared. He’s already heard the spiel of how he hurt Katara, but that was an accident. Uncle taught him the same way, to integrate firebending with the katas early to build muscle memory; it’s the only way he can teach Aang. He doesn’t think Aang would appreciate the lessons Zuko’s old teachers subjected him to when he was younger. Their harsh methods. His uncle’s way is better.
Besides, Aang has already mastered all the basic firebending katas, a prodigy like Azula. Delaying the inevitable will only hurt in the long run. He needs to learn.
After all, Aang needs to master fire to kill his father.
Katara huffs from the side, not thrilled with the prospect of Zuko using fire around Aang, but there’s nothing he can do to combat her ire. He needs to focus on teaching Aang.
He directs the boy through the motions of the first few katas, monitoring Aang’s swift kicks and punches to make sure he’s carrying them out correctly. Unsurprisingly, he executes them flawlessly.
Zuko takes a deep breath to steel his nerves before he turns to properly face Aang.
“Aang, I know you’re scared, but we need to do this. You need to master firebending to kill my father.” Aang turns green and Zuko cringed as Katara scoffs, shaking her head.
He’s never been good at reassuring people; he doesn’t know how to fix this. Luckily, Katara steps in, even if it looks like it is causing her pain to help Zuko.
She gently takes the airbender’s hand and flips over her palm for him to inspect. “Look Aang, the burns are all healed. It was an accident. You only hurt me because you tried using fire to early. Zuko —” she wrinkles her nose before continuing “— is right. You need to at least try.”
Aang still looks scared, but Katara’s speech did its job. He looks ready to at least attempt firebending.
“Start the flame in your palms the way I taught you and match it to your breaths.”
Aang gently cups his hands together and steadies his breathing, calling forth a gentle orange flame.
Zuko continues, “Now, go through the first kata while directing the fire to travel forward. Imagine there is a target in front of your fist that you are trying to reach and direct your fire to travel towards it.”
He’s not sure his instructions make much sense, but Aang slowly follows his trainings, so they must be working.
“Now, as you bring your fist back towards your body, gentle the flame to a smaller size. You are controlling the fire; the fire is not controlling you. It is an extension of your body.”
Aang brings his fist to his chest and the fire wobbles for a second, threatening to extinguish, but he manages to preserve the flame.
“Turn to your left and punch your fist forward, directing the fire like a stream.”
Aang manages to shoot the flame forward, but Katara hadn’t calculated where he would end up, she’s too close to the fire.
The airbender’s eyes widen as he sees how close the fire is barrelling to Katara and he quickly shifts, throwing off his balance and completely snuffing the flame.
Zuko sighs as he begins frantically apologising to Katara, even though it was clearly an accident. Firebending training works best one on one, with minimal distractions. Fire is a volatile element and Katara is distracting Aang. Zuko has his work cut out for him.
“Again,” he barks sharply.
Aang gulps unsteadily and they begin again, Katara’s constant scowl distracting them both. What a mess.
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Zuko trudges tiredly back to their makeshift camp. Their training session exhausted him. He knows why Katara doesn’t trust him, but it’s hindering Aang’s progress.
Once Katara moved to a safer distance, Aang managed to complete the kata, but his confidence was clearly shaken. He hesitated when he didn’t need to and his flames were very weak. It took him much longer to integrate firebending with the next two katas than Zuko had predicted, throwing his training plan entirely off balance. Next time, he’ll need to factor in Katara’s presence.
He had to end training early. Aang was not in the correct mental state to handle fire.
He sits down heavily by Appa, reaching up to untie the bag of berries the bison is carrying. He gently pats his white fur and settles down to eat some of the purple berries.
Eventually, Toph finds him and sits down next to him, her bare feet planted steadily on the ground.
She punches his shoulder in greeting, “Hey, Sparky.”
He grunts. Her punches really hurt. How can someone so small possibly be so strong.
“Hey.”
They sit in silence while Zuko steadily makes his way through his snack, absentmindedly petting Appa’s flank.
Toph starts shifting and Zuko readies himself for the peaceful silence that had settled over them to break.
He’s proven right when Toph suddenly speaks. “How did training with Aang go?”
He resists the urge to groan, “It was fine.”
Toph smirks and shakes her head, “Lie.”
Her ability to discern the truth can be very annoying. It’s not fair that she can tell when he’s lying. Especially when he’s trying to avoid complaining about one of her friends.
“What happened? Did Twinkle Toe get distracted by a butterfly or something?”
He shakes his head, “No, not that.”
“What was it then?” Toph asks.
How does he tell her that her friend insists on supervising every lesson and is distracting Aang with her presence. How does he tell Toph that he understands why Katara is present for every lesson, and he wouldn’t trust himself either, but his heart aches every time because it confirms that he’s never going to be a part of the group if Katara doesn’t accept him.
“Nothing, Aang is still scared of firebending because he doesn’t want to hurt Katara. It makes it hard to teach him.” He answers blankly.
Toph scoffs, “Why is Katara even a part of Aang’s firebending training, anyway? She’s not there when I teach Aang earthbending.”
Zuko shrugs and looks away. They stay sitting side by side until it’s Toph’s turn to train and Zuko is left alone. Again.
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Zuko has been staring at the same tuft of grass for an absurd amount of time before Katara’s voice snaps him out of it.
“Lunch is ready!”
He hears Sokka before he sees him, his thundering footsteps emerge from the tree line behind Zuko as he runs to the campsite to get to the food. Zuko smiles in amusement as the strategist stops by his resting spot, bending over with his hands on his knees while he pants heavily. His face is slightly red from exertion.
Sokka smiles at him, “Zuko, hi.”
“Hi.” He smiles back.
Sokkka turns redder. That run must have been really tiring if his face is so flushed.
He spots Sokka sending small glances to his burned eye as they walk to the makeshift campsite. He knows his burn is gruesome, but he wished Sokka wouldn’t be so obvious about looking at it.
Sokka’s face screws up in thought as they continue walking and Zuko gets a bad feeling in his stomach. That’s the face Sokka makes when he’s curious about something.
He’s honestly surprised they’ve managed to resist asking him about the scar since he joined the group. It’s a difficult sight to ignore.
He’s doesn’t wait for Sokka to work up the nerve and ask him; there’s no use delaying the inevitable. “It’s awful, right?”
Sokka stumbles and stares at him in confusion, ‘What’s awful?”
“The scar. You were looking at it.”
“Ri -right, of course. That’s why I was looking at you. The scar.” Sokka stammers.
“Ask me, then.”
“About what?” Sokka asks.
Now it’s Zuko’s turn to look confused, “The scar.”
Sokka takes a long time to think of a question considering he had been staring at it earlier. “Um, does it still hurt?” He asks hesitantly.
Zuko didn’t expect him to start with that, “I suppose. Sometimes it aches, but mostly it feels tight and I can’t really move my face on that side.”
“Oh,” Sokka says softly. “I didn’t know that.”
Zuko shrugs, “It’s not a big deal. It was years ago.”
“It is a big deal!” Sokka exclaims. “Even if it was an accident, that’s a horrible scar and it must have really hurt.”
It had. He can still remember the hot sensation of the fire on his face and the agonizing pain, before a cold sensation had begun radiating from the burn, sharply turning into a stabbing pain. When he started crying, the tears had burned on their way down. The last thing he saw before he passed out was his father’s triumphant face. Next thing he remembers, he was waking up on the Wani with his uncle’s worried face hovering over his shivering form.
Zuko shrugs, “It did, but I understand why my father did it. I deserved to be punished.”
“What?!” Sokka suddenly shouts and turns to face him. He looks furious as he pins Zuko with an unrelenting stare.
“Your father was the one that burned you?” He asks in a horrified voice.
Someone else shouts in shock and Zuko looks away from Sokka, seeing that they have arrived back at the Air Temple.
“What are you talking about, Zuko?” Toph harshly demands.
He furrows his brows. “I thought you knew. It was mentioned in the Ember Island play.”
Aang throws his arms up incredulously “We thought that was a joke! You know, ha ha, strong Fire Lord Ozai burning his own son. What a good leader.”
They all stare at him, waiting for him to confirm his greatest shame.
“It wasn’t a joke. I disrespected my father, so he punished me.”
Katara has her hands clasped tightly over her mouth in shock and Zuko starts to get uncomfortable. Why are they so surprised?
Katara speaks haltingly, “I think we’re all a little confused Zuko. Why did your father punish you?”
“My uncle brought me with him to a war meeting because I had been begging to attend one for months. He told me not to speak, but I didn’t listen.” He starts slowly.
“They were talking about using new recruits as cannon fodder, untrained Fire Nation soldiers that had no experience on the battlefield. It was a suicide mission.” He looks away towards the campfire as he continues with increasing vehemence. “I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I told the general it was a cruel plan. My father claimed that I disrespected him by disagreeing with his general and said the matter could only be resolved through an Agni kai. A fire duel.”
He takes a deep breath, trying not to picture his father’s smug face. “I agreed, like a fool. The general was old and frail, I knew I could beat him easily. When I turned around, it wasn’t the general I was facing. My father stood there, stone faced and silent.”
Zuko looks back at the group for a second, catching Sokka’s eye. The strategist’s eyes are glazed over with a faint sheen of tears as he listens with horror. Zuko tries not to think about his expression as he trains his eyes back to the blazing campfire. He didn’t they would care this much.
“I didn’t want to fight my own father, so I begged for forgiveness. He thought that was shameful and weak, so he burned me.” He softly traces the edge of his scar, tracing the raised edges until he lightly brushes the shell of his burnt ear.
Silence lingers like a ghost for a long moment, his recounting haunting everyone. Leaving them suspended in quiet before a wet sniffle cuts the tension like a knife.
All of them whip their heads to look at Katara in shock. The waterbender’s eyes are gleaming and she angrily swipes away her tears and glares while they stare in shock.
“What?” She huffs, “It’s a really sad story.”
Aang, Sokka, and Toph jolt at the reminder and stare at him again while Zuko hugs his arms uncomfortably, waiting for them to say something.
Sokka is the first to speak, “Zuko, what you said about deserving it, you know that’s not true, right? No one deserves to be hurt by their parents. Especially when you didn’t do anything wrong.”
He shakes his head, “But I did do something wrong. I questioned my father’s judgment and refused to fight him. I was disrespectful.”
Aang frowns and gently takes his hands, “No, Zuko. You were looking out for your people; you were being a good person.”
He’s shaking now, tremors wracking his body. “No, no. I was bad. I was wrong.” He denies again.
“You were a child, Sparky.” Toph mutters.
Sokka catches his eye again, “You did nothing wrong. Ozai is your father; he’s meant to protect you.”
Zuko shakes his head repeatedly, trying to tug his hands away from Aang’s grip but the airbender holds on steadfastly.
“I deserved it. He had to punish me; I spoke out of turn.”
Katara touches his shoulder and he looks up, noticing how close all of them are.
She speaks softly, “You didn’t deserve it, Zuko. Your father is mean and cruel. He hurt you because he’s a horrible person.”
Sokka rubs his shoulder and leans closer. “You’re a good person. Zuko, you’re good.”
He lets out a sob and shakes his head against Sokka’s shoulder. The boy’s arms come up and wrap around his back, gently holding him as he trembles.
“We love you.” Aang assures as he joins the hug.
Zuko just cries as they all envelope him, unable to believe this is happening.
How did this group of ragtag kids, that he hunted and hurt, love him, when his own family didn’t? If they could love him after so little time together, then maybe he wasn’t the problem. Maybe he wasn’t too hard to love.
They stay interlocked in the warm embrace, letting him cry. Even as the campfire snuffs out and they’re cast into darkness, they stay.