Chapter Text
Being honest, the signs were all there. He should have arrived to a conclusion sooner or later. But he hadn’t, because Gon stupid. Elevated heart-beat, irrational and heightened body temperatures, this recent stammering of his? He wasn’t no Leorio— obviously, but Gon knew when he wasn’t feeling like himself.
Gon also knew that he has never been subtle about anything in his life. Which is what made this extra confusing….. ok.. he’s been acting maybe a little strange but it wasn’t anything too concerning. It wasn’t anything he would be called out on yet which for Gon was a win. He could push this off for as long as he needed to. ‘Gon’ and ‘strange’ were kind of a packaged deal when being described.
It was still very early in the morning. The sun hadn’t even docked on whale island yet and Gon was certain Killua and his sisters would not be happy to find out that he was sneaking off to do whatever god knows what. He wasn’t ready to be confronted about this either, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t confront himself first. He needed to get to the bottom of this. He was too afraid it might put a (bigger) strain on his relationship with Killua.
His next course of action should have been to talk to his best friend about his new self findings. He could essentially tell Killua about confronting himself so he can’t get confronted later! Another win! Unfortunately, the issue with that was that Killua seemed to be the source of his symptoms. Every single time they were near each other, Gon had a surge of just killuakilluakilluakillia pumping through his veins. Which was natural right? I mean they’ve only been together for a year since their reunion. And Gon couldn’t deny that things could be rather tense from time to time. Still being held down by waves of guilt nearly everyday that even Gon had to admit things were bound to get awkward. Nothing too out of the ordinary of course. Just sneaking a few extra glances at Killua whenever he could. Or lavishing in his scent whenever he’d leave the room. Who could blame him? He hadn’t seen his favorite person in forever. Surely Gon was allowed to… appreciate killua a little more often.
Though it seemed like Gon wasn’t the only one who noticed his strange behavior.
Killua had been extra on edge since Alluka started her studies with Mito. He knew Killua was, more than anything else, proud of his little sisters. But Killua, no matter how distracted or perplexed he may be, was just as observant as Gon.
“what’s up with you?”
“stop acting strange…”
“Can you stay focused already!”
Big yikes..
If Gons conundrum was a hindrance to Killua then he needed to find a fix now
Though he wasn’t gonna get far if Killua was right next to him. Especially with killua being directly next to Gon on the bed next to him.
A small, ever so subtle twitch that under normal circumstances would have never been heard suddenly broke Gon out of his train of thought. Killua may have been trained for years but Gons senses have been honed well enough to know that Killua was very much awake and refusing to let it show for whatever reason.
his heart began to race again. Just killua being there made Gon all nervous. He sometimes still had a hard time believing they were together again, staring into killua back as if he would spontaneously disappear. After his heart beats louder, what normally follows after is his body heating up. Though it was almost impossible for him to get any warmer than he already was with all the thinking he’d been doing this early in the morning.
“Killua?” he whispered, receiving a slightly bigger involuntary twitch from killua in response. Okay.. so he really doesn’t wanna wake up yet.. Gon could tell that much. It was probably for the best. There’s no telling what sort of non sense would come out of his mouth if he didn’t get his head cleared soon.
“Well.. if he doesn’t feel like talking right now I guess that’s another win for me” he supposed.
Knowing for sure that killua was awake, Gon got out of bed, making his way towards the bathroom. Even all the way from his room, his sense picked up the fact that his mother was awake and cleaning their kitchen most likely judging from the sound of running water and heavy breathing. He hadn’t thought about it till now, but Mito had definitely Noticed a change in him too. It isn’t too surprising. Gon had a tendency to wear his heart on his sleeve. He never bothered to shy away from his feelings (even if now is the rare exception.) Either way, Mito was always good at reading gon.
which had him thinking some more. Goodness, had he ever thought so much in his life? It was barley 6am?
Should he perhaps confide in her? No, she’d make it a big thing…. but what was wrong with a little big thing? If anything, shouldn’t that push him into finding out whatever the hell his deal was?
The water on his face cooled him off at least, now when he inevitably went downstairs to help mito he wouldn’t be getting the same barrage of questions he had been getting lately
A whole lot of— “Aw, are you sick?” Obviously not, I dont get sick
And even more of some—“Are you even listening to me?” More than usual actually
“Gon?” I got those a lot too
“Gon!” Wait what? He looked up to see a very disgruntled Killua staring down at him. Big yikes, he did it again. Killua was probably talking and Gon, like a doofus, was in his own head again.
“Were you even listening?” Ahhh there it was
“…no..?” was all Gon could really say.. a very simple very meak ‘no.’ Seriously, when did he get like this? He’s certain that killua being here and awake now was only going to make things worse. Which was Gons worst nightmare. He loved killua being around him, he wouldn’t dare try to push him away again just because of whatever’s going on with Gon. But there it was again, Gon staring like an idiot as killua made his way past him to start brushing his own teeth. He had to look away sooner or later, this was getting weird!
Prying his eyes away from killua while also trying to ignore Killuas Disappointed sighs, he gave a very weak “sorry” and walked away. If he spent another second with Killua, he was gonna combust into flames. Though this time it was probably over embarrassment.
From this point on, Gon decided it’d be best if he… not stayed away from killua per say, more like just… put some distance between them. Only for today! Until he made some progress.
-
Mito was already suspicious of him to begin with, but he never expected to be interrogated so soon.
‘So soon’ was also a bit of a stretch, gons behavior started a while ago, it seems like it’s only recent for Gon because he only just now noticed. Infact, it seemed everyone else has noticed but gon.
The second he got downstairs, she greeted him with an odd “why, hello.” That was weird, but it was very early in the morning so Gon paid it no mind. Gon just got straight to work. In the mornings, Mito and Gon usually spent their time chatting it up while preparing for breakfast. Their household, despite their newest additions, was very morning people heavy. They settled on Pancakes which Gon wasn’t too fond of. Wasn’t pancakes just eating cake for breakfast? Regardless, He knew they were Killuas favorite thing to eat in the morning other than a comically large and even more impossibly sweet bar of chocolate. And Alluka and Nanika were still expanding their horizons, so they ate whatever their brother ate with some more fruity and savory flavors mixed in by aunt mito who said it’d be good for them.
Killua does not appreciate the more expansive pallet Gon and Mito have set for them. But that’s what he agreed on when mito agreed to teach Alluka. She was going to do it anyway obviously, but a little push never hurt anybody as she always said. Killua was silly like that, he can gulp down loads of poisons no problem but draws the line at eating a blueberry. It’s a little sad honestly. But Gons more than happy to make him whatever he wanted. Cooking for Killua had been a delight, he could make Killua happy as well as having enough trust still left for him to even eat whatever he makes. Thank goodness Gon was already good at what he did, he didn’t wanna imagine Killua forcing himself to eat what Gon made if he didn’t want to. Thinking about killua again… hmmm.. he’d been doing that a lot hasn’t he? It wouldn’t be too long befor—
“What’s going on with you?” Mito asked him, more like a demand rather than a question, but she didn’t look fed up, just genuinely curious. Like she was certain there was something going on. And she was 100% right, he wasn’t gonna tip toe around it, not to her. The topic of ‘Killua’ brought out a stupider side of Gon, but there was no way he’d let her know that. She didn’t want her to think that their relationship is falling apart like it once had. Lord knows how Gons behavior was during all that.
“..What do you mean?” Crap, he hadn’t meant to say that. Though maybe it would have been better if he heard what she thought she knows. She sighed, then giggled, turning away from him. She giggled? Mito was smiling like Gon had told her the sweetest thing in the world. Her face was pink too, was this how everyone thought Gon was acting? You know, crazy?
“…nothing, I won’t force you to talk about it if you dont want to.. just..” she paused and finally looked into his eyes. Something she was known for when she was being sincere and honest. “You’re not all that subtle, honey”
Huh.. that was not what he had expected to hear.. what was she talking about now? Did she know something Gon didn’t? Other than literally everything. Mito was smart like that, but this made no sense to him. It wasn’t anything he didn’t already know. He wasn’t subtle in the slightest. He already decided not to look directly at her anymore out of.. frustration? What did this have to do with anything? It sounded like she had already figured everything out, but the way she said it made it seem like she thought Gon already knew what was going on. Which he super didn’t. Can somebody fill him in please? He hated feeling like this, like he was out of control or something.
Gon had plenty of time to say something back before Killua woke his sister up to start getting ready, But he chose to stay silent and instead letting out a small pathetic laugh while getting the pancake mix ready.
Mito seemed to let it go too, looking somewhat smug as she grabbed some eggs from their fridge. “You know, I think we still have chocolate chips left” she said, giving him a wink along with it for some reason. Killua loves chocolate chip pancakes, but everyone knew that. Maybe he could apologize for earlier. He hadn’t done anything wrong of course, but it was better to start the morning with a happy Killua rather than an already agitated one. “Oh that’s perfect! It’ll make killua happy” He exclaimed, with his ears picking up that the whole house was awake, he could be as loud as he wanted.. His ears also picked up some more giggles coming from his mother. “I’m sure it will” she smiled at him.
Am I the one acting weird or is it everyone else??
Soon enough Alluka and Killua walked down at the smell of pancakes in the air, both still looking a little groggy. Gon absolutely did not stare at killuas ruffled bed hair and he certainly didn’t notice him yawning either. He forced himself to look away and set the tables. “You’re not gonna serve yourself?” Mito asked from behind him with another smile on her face. What was she talking about no— oh he had set Killua plate first, no big deal.. he was supposed to apologize anyway. Whatever
“That smells good!” Alluka yelled cheerfully despite her voice struggling to keep up. Killua followed in behind her. “What’d you guys make this time?” He asked, decidedly looking at only Mito. is he mad? Gon could always tell when killua was mad, it was something he decided to work on once they met again. Noticing every single detail that might alluded to his mood and feelings. especially since he was sure Killua would still never actually tell him. Killua didn’t seem mad right now though, seemed ..distracted.. much like gon. Though He could just chalk it up to it being so early in the morning.
“Chocolate chip pancakes” he smiled, looking Killua dead in the eyes. To that his eyes lit up with a faint blush across his face. “Oh yeah?” He said quickly, averting his eyes from him once again and instead sitting down with his sister who was already taking a bite out of her brothers pancakes.
Breakfast time wasn’t normally such a tense affair to Gon but today was an exception. Normally he would tease Killua about his sweet tooth, something to make him laugh and get all red in the face as usual. But Gon decided against he, he wasn’t gonna be able to handle seeing Killua all cute like that or else Gon would detonate. Cute? Seriously, what was wrong with him today. Everyone was already staring at him staring and Killua who was very clearly trying to ignore gons eyes on him. He would have said something right now even with pancakes stuffed in his mouth. But again, for whatever reason, Killua was just as distracted as Gon was. Should he still apologize? Would that make things worse. Mito began urging everyone to dig into there meal, so there wasn’t much Gon could do but sit and think.
There was too much going on. Every now and then he’d catch a glimpse of eyes looking into him but before he could look back they’d disappear. Though that didn’t stop Gon from sneaking glances at his best friend anyway. The way he’d converse with his sister while eating his food, Although disgusting, made Gons heart flutter inside in a way he couldn’t understand. And his face began to heat up again. Ohhh boy.. here we go
He wasn’t sure how much he could take this anymore. The way Killua eyes lit up at gon making his favorite breakfast, the morning glow on his skin coming from the open windows, the breeze from the open windows blowing on his hair. There was nothing inherently wrong with any of this, but it was driving him crazy. The first one finished with their meal was technically killua, but as soon as Gon was done with his meal he immediately excused himself.
He kept repeating the same question to himself. what the hell is wrong with me?
He was gonna have to stay away from killua until he could figure this one out, there was no way he was gonna risk blowing up at killua because of an unresolved problem with himself. You know.. again.
-
He almost gave up
There was just no escaping Killua. But It’s not that Gon wanted to stay away from killua either. Everyone knew Gon wasn’t the type to avoid someone so lying was out of the question.
At every turn, Gon would find himself wanting to be near killua. To just meet his gaze or feel his presence. Being away from killua was painful, it brought back things he’d rather forget. Though obviously it wasn’t anything near the same. It was making Gon go crazy. He told himself he would stay away from Killua but whenever he’d see him, Gon wanted nothing more than to drop everything and be by his side. It was scary without killua, leaving Gon alone to his thoughts was never a good thing. Even if he told himself he’d stop relying on killua. What’s worse was that they were both alone. Alluka had began her studies early with aunt mito so they’d have time to go outfit shopping later. Now, that normally meant that Gon and Killua would be spending time together doing a whole lot of whatever. Although today was different for the both of them. Today he had noticed a lot more things about himself. and.. Killua?
What he had also noticed— was that Killua had been avoiding him too. Though more discreetly than Gon. He’d talk to Gon sure, but it was quick one-word responses that he wouldn’t give unless spoke to first. Killua was by no means a bad liar, Gon however was just eerily good at detecting lies, especially from Killua. There wasn’t a single person that could lie to Gon without him automatically calling it, or having this gut feeling he was being lied to. Killua was the latter. There was always something that would give it away for Gon. His eyes would wander around more, much like how Gon is incapable of looking into a persons eyes when he himself lies. He would move around a bit more, especially his hands, it made him want to squeeze onto his weirdly comforting cold hands and shake them till he’d tell the truth.
But this was a little different, Killua wasn’t running away from him per say, but everytime they were together it’d be…tense, both averting their eyes from each other, not letting each other be too close or touch in any way. It was uncomfortably familiar to when they had first met up again after their year long separation. He hated it, he hated being weird with Killua, he hated killua not telling him things. He was probably being a hypocrite, sure, but only because Gon himself couldn’t figure out why he was making things more awkward
Now Gon was back to staring. He was almost certain Killua could feel his eyes on him from the window as he trained outside, but he didn’t care. He was fine just looking at Killua. His eyes were better than most, from this distance, He could see the way the sweat would run down his skin from both the scorching sun and active movement. His eyes drifting up to see how the sun would shine on his light hair as the wind made it more messier, he saw the sunlight falling from his hair to his eyes shining ever so brightly. His heart began to race again, skin burning up as if he were training outside with killua. ‘Huh? Im not even near him?’ Gon thought, more confused than ever. So just looking at Killua makes him get all weird? This was getting bad. Realllyyy bad. Gon just couldn’t understand this at all, he’s truly never felt like this before. Only something similar. It felt like the thrilling rush of whenever he was in a life or death battle. The feeling making him act reckless and irrational, making his heart flutter, making his body burn more and more. He loved these experiences, he loved fighting, he loved the adrenaline he loved killu—
Oh.
Oh..
Wait… what?
No, actually, that made sense. Of course he loves killua. How in the world could he not love and adore his best friend?
Why couldn’t he want to stay with him forever? To see him with his eyes, cook his favorite breakfast, care for his amazing sister, live with Killua, be with Killua? Killua was his favorite person in the world! I mean, he said that all the time, Killua knew it, Mito Knew it, he’ll even Alluka knew it because Gon won’t shut up about it. So what’s different now? So what if he feels a little extra giddy with Killua nowadays. Especially with how Killua looked right now. His face extra red, his movements getting all stagnant, those round sapphire eyes staring right back into him.
Oh, whoops. Killua was staring him dead in the eyes now, clearly fed up with Gons eyes burning holes into him. Gon could pick up his lips shaking a little too as he moved his mouth to say something. ‘weirdo’ was the only thing Gon picked up before he turned away to where Gon couldn’t see him past the window even with his exceptionally good eyes.
He’d done it again, he’d scare Killua off with his odd before. Gon could only sigh at himself. Normally he wouldn’t mind teasing Killua like this. Although it wasn’t teasing, Gon was just… examining Killua. Examining Killua to examine himself! That wasn’t weird right? Even if he was feeling a little embarrassed at himself. He tried to think back at all the times he’d catch Killua staring at him. Gon never once minded, infact, he was delighted to know he was on his friends line of sight. However, he was always met with the same reaction once Gon would try to turn back and acknowledge him. His eyes darting around while getting all red. He didn’t have hearing as good as melodys, but you could practically hear him buzzing as he tries to play it off. He sensed Killua would burn up too, although it might just be because no one blushes as much as he does. Lately, he found himself blushing a whole lot more with Killua. Maybe it just rubbed off of him in a way? That was possible right?
He couldn’t just sit here and keep moping around. His ears picked up the sound of Killua trying to, as silently as he could, enter the house. which typically meant he didn’t want anyone knowing he had entered the house. The least Gon could do was to switch places with him and head outside as well. It’d give Killua time to slip into their room, grab his clothes, and head into the shower, a routine they’d practiced strictly after training. Killua would usually head in first, mainly because he showers the quickest, but also because he wasn’t as used to being all hot and sweaty living on a tropical island like Gon was.
He remembered the first time he’d seen snow. Much like how killua wasn’t used to this hot climate, Gon wasn’t anywhere near ready to experience the torturous cold that was the white flakes falling from the sky. It was when he had gone to visit Wing and Zushi in York new city with his mother, allowing for her to explore a life outside of whale island. While all she could think about was how cold and busy everything was, Gon couldn’t stop thinking about Killua. How the sky was a pale white much like his skin, or how the scoops of snow in his palms would only allow him to see images of Killuas hair. It made him sad, it made him miss Killua more than anything. In contrast to right now in the present, where looking into the clear blue sky, or the beautiful ocean waves, would make him wish Killua was glued to his side permanently. He couldn’t want that right now. He had to clear his mind off first.
-
“Hey Gon!?” He heard a soft voice say. The rushing sound of the wind blowing on the trees didn’t prevent him from picking up the sound of his best friends sister speaking to him in the slightest. He looked down from the tree he was on to see a very flushed Alluka looking right back at him.
Without hesitation, he jumped down at a reasonable distance from her, making sure he wouldn’t land on her in anyway. “What’s up?” He smiled “I thought you’d be with Mito still.” To that she shivered, becoming more flushed in the face. “Ahaha.. well we ended things earlier than expected.! And I wanted to come see you...” She had said the last part quieter than the rest, probably hoping Gon wouldn’t pick up on it. But he did, because he was the weirdo with oddly good ears. “Oh well wanna come join me?” He said, extending a hand to her, “you can tell me how your studies went.” Her eyes lit up, not looking so scared anymore for whatever reason. She nodded her head, allowing for Gon to scoop her into his arms and jump back to the branch he was on with her right beside her. She looked a little taken back, but her surprised expression shifted into a look of wonder as she saw the distance from that tree.
she giggled, letting out a few ‘wow!’ And ‘pretty!’ With it. He let her bathe in the beauty of his home island for a bit before she turned to speak to him. “How come you’re out here on your own?” She asked innocently, cocking her head to the side with a slight smile. Gon wanted to fall off of the tree. He couldn’t lie to her— Obviously. So he settled for a ‘not-lie-not-truth.’
“I like to come up here when I’m thinking too much” he told her, deciding not to look into her eyes either and instead look at the view. Before she could press more, he cornered her with a question of his own. “How come you’re out so early instead of with mito?” She looked like she wanted to fall off the tree as much as he did. “Aha..! Well.. she was probably thinking too much for the both of us too”
Whattt did that mean? Mito was hardly a thinking inside her head person, if she had a problem, she’d let you know. She had also been acting strange earlier when they’d make breakfast. Now it’s past midday and he supposed nothing had changed. “Gon, are you okay?” This again? What was everyone’s problem? He gave her a puzzled look, “uhhh..” he wanted nothing more than to tell her that he was obviously fine, but what came out of his mouth shocked them both. “I might be.. allergic to killua.” well that wasn’t what he wanted to say. And judging by the girls expression, she hadn’t been expecting it either. “Allergic? To… To Killua? How so?” She asked him, trying her best to be polite and not get offended at Gons ridiculous speculation of her brother. His face lit up again, this time not because he was thinking of killua, but because he was talking completely non sense. “Sorry—! Sorry, I don’t know. it’s just been so.. weird lately.
Alluka had more to say on the matter, but she couldn’t come up with anything to say for that other than giving him an understanding nod. He just knew she’d noticed his strange behavior. “You know, he might be allergic to you too..” she whispered, again, probably to herself. That wasn’t what Gon wanted to hear. He shook his thoughts away, he wasn’t gonna start getting weird right here right now. Especially since he’d gone outside to clear his mind. “What did aunt mito say?” He managed to get out
Her face shriveled, “nothing much, she was just worried you’d been acting strange is all. She thought you were sick” She told him, her eyes shining in a way that let Gon knew she was being truthful. To this he had an idea. “Oh really? And you went to come find me so I can… get you all sick!” his hands flew up to grab her into a hug and begin tickling her ever so slightly. Making gross snotty sounds mixed in with her giggles as she attempted to push him away. “Thought you could get away from our studies if you were sick huh?” He played around some more, her laughs becoming uncontrollable, small happy tears forming in her eyes.
“Hahaha! Noooo stop!” She laughed. Gon noticed the sound of her breath pick up so he eased up, releasing her out of his grasp. She caught up with her breathing and looked back up at him. “Hey… promise me you won’t get weird? Ok?” Little late for that, he thought before banishing the thought in favor of finding out her definition of weird. “Hah, weird how? I thought I was always weird” he gave her a small poke to her arm, making her do a dramatic ‘owww!’ Before speaking up again. “Other than your regular Gon self just, don’t leave me behind ok? Both of you.” She suddenly had a faint sadness in her eyes, despite still having the biggest smile he’d seen on her all day.
Deep down inside, he knew what she meant. She didn’t want to be alone again, especially now that Killua and Gon were together again, she didn’t want to feel left out. But the way she said it made it seem like there was more to her words. He didn’t dwell on it, he settled for wrapping his arm around her shoulders and looking forward. “I’d never, promise.” With his other hand, he raised his pinky up, waiting for her to grab it with her own. She looked at it for a moment then raised her own to cross it with his. Gon couldn’t quite bring himself to do the rest of the promise with her, only because she was still a little new to it. They simply enjoyed the breeze on their face and the view upfront. Waiting for when Mito or Killua would inevitably drag them down to start dinner.
He thought about what she had said. Both of you. Thinking about killua made him happy, but not as happy as actually being next to killua. He’d have to figure this out soon.