Chapter Text
When Bruce gathered them all for an urgent meeting, Tim had already collected some data about what the topic was about.
"Ra's al Ghul is dead."
Damian was taken aback, and Jason let out a "Whaaaat?!".
"Talia contacted me and asked for our assistance. Without a leader, the League of Assassins could be an uncontrolled force or a devastating bomb."
Tim saw Dick looking at Damian. Clearly, the older man was hesitant at bringing the former Assassin close to his roots. After all, he had worked hard against his initial teachings.
"I think that can be a good opportunity. I don’t know all the details, but Talia told me that Ra's actions were becoming detrimental to the League. They have suffered, and Talia wishes for a new beginning. Damian can show that this is indeed possible."
Upon hearing his words, Damian beamed at his father with renewed confidence, and Dick seemed reassured. But he turned to Jason.
"And you? he asked.
Jason just shrugged.
"I'll be fine, it's been a while now since I've been to a League base."
"It still matters", insisted Dick.
Jason rolled his eyes.
"Of course it does for the emotional big bro you are."
Dick laughed softly. Tim didn't want to go. Well, no one asked, but if someone had, that's what he would have replied.
"Alright. Prepare your stuff and gear. We leave first things tomorrow morning. I'll give you more details during the journey."
Tim let Jason, Damian and Dick move first, and then followed them as they all left the cave. Jason and Dick were talking, but he didn’t listen. There was enough distance between Damian and him. He just had to reach his room, and he will be able to rest a little bit the tension existing in his whole body.
So, Ra's was dead. Tim's body was pulsing with an emotion he couldn't quite identify. His monitoring had spotted that Ra's hadn't been seen for quite some time now, and Tim had suspected his death. However, he still didn't know the exact cause, and needed to find about it. His work about the League wasn't over yet, and every piece of information was crucial.
"Good night guys! See you tomorrow, it’s going to be a ride, I can feel it!" Dick said.
"Good night", Tim said politely.
Before giving anyone the chance to throw at him disrepectful words, he quickly walked the last steps between him and his room. He opened and closed the door just as quickly. He then listenened, since he could hear them through the door if they chose to speak. But Tim had the data with him and the data was clear: the less he was under their eyes, the less they felt compelled to throw their venom at him.
So he listened, waiting for them to walk away, to close the door of their own rooms. After a few seconds of silence, the others finally walked away. Without losing time, Tim closed all the locks on his door. He then checked the windows. The additionnal locks were firmly locked as well. They couldn’t be opened from the outside. If they were broken, an alarm would went off. He checked the system that he had installed in the whole room and confirmed it was running.
He was alone. He let himself fall on top of his bed, releasing a deep and silent sigh. His shoulders, always frozen in a tensed position, relaxed the slightest and Tim felt already better. His stomach loosened a bit as well. He laid down. His body was still locked, forced to ensure endlessly the safety of its owner. But now, his breathing was slowing down. He was in the safest he could be, and he relinquinshed on the feeling. He wanted more, he needed more.
He deserved more. But frozen in his situation, he did what he could. The leastest reaction, the leastest interaction; that was the best method to secure more instances where he was the safest possible.
After a moment, where the silence became too much and the need to do something to fill it was too high, he got up and started his luggages. He put clothes, materials... and then lingered in front of this camera. It felt home and danger at the same time. Lately, he felt its call, needing to find a way back to himself. But he also felt that he was offering the Waynes a stick to be beaten with.
He just needed to hide it. If he was able to hide himself, if he was able to hide all the facts surrounding him and Ra's, he could hide his camera. And maybe he would never use it. It was just in case. It would stay hidden in his bag, away from anyone but him, a symbol of who he was, a symbol of who he could be again. Feeling himself already a bit more, filling himself with his boldness, he securely put his camera inside his backpack.
He finished his preparations and went to bed. The security system was running, the locks and the windows were locked. But what if he had mistakenly deactivated them while checking? No, he didn’t do that. He knew he had checked and there was no issue. He tossed, trying to toss away the thought too. But what if he did the mistake? It was just a check, just another one. One should do the maximum to ensure their safety. He got up, checked again multiple times until all the alarms in his body yelled a little less, sufficiently for him to go back to bed. He closed his eyes and let sleep make him forget who he was, where he was and with whom.
The following morning, when Tim opened his eyes, he let this floating moment where nothing was hurting exist. He was thanful; he had no nightmare this time. Then he got up, put some clothes and after disabling everything so he could open the door, he left his room, locked everything from the outside, and went to the kitchen. His ears didn't catch any sound or voice, so maybe he was still alone.
When he reached the kitchen, no one was here. Thankfully, Alfred must have been busy somewhere else, so he was not here as well. Not wasting any time, he prepared his breakfast and started eating quickly. He just took his last bite when Dick arrived.
"Hi Tim!" Dick cheered.
"Hi."
Tim quickly washed his bowl and started leaving.
"Oh you already ate. Want to chat while I prepare my breakfast?" Dick asked.
"Sorry, I need to finish my luggage," Tim replied.
And he left. Upon going back to his room, the door of Damian's room opened, and Tim opened his own door quickly, closing it behind him before they ended up in the same corridor at the same time. Tim waited, Damian seemed to still be here. Not daring to move an inch nor to make any noise, Tim just waited and waited. Then, Damian started walking down the corridor and Tim's breath, which had stopped, started again.
A few moments later, Tim reached the cave, fully geared-up, and the others came as well not long after. When Bruce, suited up as well, saw that everyone was ready, he said that it was time to go.
"I hope you will all come back safely," Alfred wished.
"Thank you, Alfred. We will keep in touch," Bruce said.
They started to head towards their private jet. Tim slowed down his walking, to supposedly readjust his backpack and other luggages. Damian and Jason passed him on the side and once they were ahead of him, he resumed his walking. He sat at the seat to the back of the private jet, while Jason was in the seat in the row before him, Dick and Damian two rows ahead and Bruce at the pilot seat. They departed.
"So, what type of mission are we really talking about?" Dick asked, scrolling through the tablet containing multiple data.
"The type of helping Kireh Island becoming a regular city," Bruce replied. "This was the main base of the League of Assassins. However, with Ra's dead, enemies of the League may see this as an opportunity to take down an opponent, and others in the League see that as an opportunity to rise as the Demon's Head. For now, his death outside the island is still a secret, but his absence will be known soon enough accross all the world."
"Kireh Island?" Damian asked. "I am unaware of the existence of this island. It was not the main base the last time I was in the League."
"Indeed. Ra's moved the base."
"Why?" Jason asked.
"That's the thing, no one knows. He just did it some time ago," Bruce replied.
"Some of the children chose to follow Talia and others chose to leave the League," Dick read out loud from the tablet.
"Indeed. Ra's was becoming more and more controllous and forceful, according to Talia. She believes that the recent drastic measures is what lead to Ra's demise and the League falling down in power," Bruce explained. "Regarding the ninja, there are a lot of young ones, and some of then have fled and hidden inside the city when they found about Ra's' death. Talia is unsure how to handle them, so I think we can convince her to just let them go."
"Seems to me she just wants to go somewhere else doing the same shit, this time with her as the Demon's Head", Jason mocked.
"Talia does not wish to become the Demon's Head. And she wants to relocate because every base of the League has been compromised: all the Lazarus Pits have been poisoned."
Damian's head snapped in direction of his father, surprised at the revelation.
"Poisoned?" Damian repeated.
"Yes. Talia discovered it when the Pit failed to revive Ra's."
"And how Ra's died anyway?" Jason asked.
"No one can reply to this question. He was just found dead in his bed. There is no sign of fight or any injury whatsoever. For now, they didn't touch his body any further. I think Talia wants to purge the Pit of its poison and try the Pit again."
Tim's fingers twitched over the tablet he was holding. Ra's was dead with no injuries? He had no information about this. He put a mental note inside his mind. He will need to investigate on his own about this topic. Silence fell as the others were digesting all the information. Then, Jason turned to Tim.
"So, replacement. Excited for this?"
Tim launched inside his head all the reminders he had put in place: stay neutral, carefully choose the words and make it short. Showing emotions was dangerous, because he never knew how they would react.
"The most important thing is to help the kids," Tim didn't look up from the tablet.
"Yeah, yeah, true."
Silence stretched. Maybe Jason wanted more, but Tim was not going to add anything else.
"Alright," Jason added.
The conversation seemed over, and Tim felt a bit better. Jason just tapped on his own thigh, humming to himself, before turning back. The rest of the flight was uneventful. He could hear Dick and Damian talking, but he was not paying attention to the content of the conversation. As long as he didn't hear his name, there was no need to listen.
Some hours passed, and they flew over the destination: Kireh Island. They all looked over the windows. It was a big island, with many small hills scattered across the surface. They were reaching the main city of the island, the city of Kireh. This city was full of small houses, built all along around narrow roads. Some houses seemed very old, while the ones next to them seemed very new. Tim could see himself wandering the streets, taking pictures of all the fragmented perspectives created by the crossing streets and the houses lining them.
The gathering centre of the city of Kireh was a big place, full of places to seat, of restaurants and shops. There was no trees at all, and the place felt wider that it seemed. The nature was far more present in the west, afar from the main city of Kireh, with small villages encircled in large parts of forest. From the gathering place towards the east, the farer someone went, the higher the hill was. It was the most tall of all hills in the island. There were no houses in that place, and that was where they were going. The jet slowed down, and then reached ground. Tim slowed down again, and let Dick, Jason and Damian go before him.
"Everything good, Tim?" Bruce asked behind him.
"Yes."
Bruce stared at him, but before anything could happen such as him asking further, Tim started to walk just a bit faster. After all, Talia was here, waiting. She was standing in the open and wide space of the area where they just landed.
"Beloved."
"Talia," Bruce greeted.
Damian, always the perfect and strong posture, looked a bit wary, from where Tim could see. Dick was standing protectively at his side, while Jason was not far away.
"Is there any update?" Bruce asked.
"So far, it seems the situation has not reached the ears of our enemies, as we suffered no attacks. This way," she lead.
Hidden behind plants and vegetation, there was a small door. They went through the opening, and started going down the stairs, as the base was located inside and below the hill.
"And what is the situation, Mother? The information you provided was insufficient," Damian stated.
"Hello to you as well, my dear son", Talia said.
Damian nodded stiffly as a sign of salutation. Dick stood close, watching over him with gentle eyes.
"There is no much I can provide you with, unfortunately. I am discovering new information myself. This base was still under creation when my father died. Some corridors, rooms and areas are still under construction. For now, I'll lead you to your personal quarters. It is not much, just some space that have been arranged for you."
They followed her and arrived in front of four doors some minutes later. There were two on the left and the other two doors facing them on the right.
"My own room is not far from here, at the end of this corridor. Beloved, your room is next to mine. As for the rest of you, this is where you will stay. For now, it is better for you to stay close, as we have still no knowledge regarding the enemy that striked us," Talia said.
"Where is Ra's?" Bruce asked.
"Not on this island. His body is located in the next island."
"How many islands do you have? Are you collecting them?" Jason interjected.
Eyes turned to him and he just shrugged.
"The main base was situated in Nanda Parbat. However, my father moved it to Kireh Island a year and half ago. Why did he chose that? I do not possess that answer. Kireh Island does not own a Lazarus Pit. The island next to us, Der Island, does have one. But for reasons known only by my father, he chose Kireh Island as the main base, and Der Island is merely a secondary base."
"That… does not make any sense. Since when Ra's goes sightseeing?" Dick asked.
"It seems my father went with a streak of confused decisions. He bought Kireh Island, but this was already a city, full with civilians. I will let you look at the documents I gathered, but Ra's recruited children with no physical abilities. From what I have confirmed, there was some training, but they were mainly recruited as arms to build inside the city."
"When can we see Ra's?" Dick asked.
"You will not, for now," Talia replied.
"So you want us to help you, but we can't check Ra's body?"
"For now, you will remain in this island. My father and the Pit will first be thoroughly checked by the League. This is all vital information that I do not want you to possess first," Talia explained simply.
"You don't want us to harm the League in any way in the long run," Bruce said.
"Then what, we are your bodyguards?" Jason asked, not happy.
"In a way. As I already informed Bruce, my work is to dismantle the League. I want this to be known by our enemies, so that they don't strike again. If they think that we pose no threat anymore, they will turn their eyes away."
"And you will come back stronger than before, right?" Jason mocked.
"That is the plan, indeed. But there is delicate window to work on, between the moment my father's death remains unknown widely and the moment it is known. The members of the League can turn against me, seizing the opportunity to become leader. In addition to that, there is no real information on what the enemy wants. Was it only Ra's death? The poisoning of the Pits?"
She turns to Bruce, her eyes soft.
"There are a lot of factors to take into account, and that is why I ask for your assistance, Beloved. My father has always praised your mind. For now, there is only one death. But what if the enemy wants the total destruction of the League? How many more casualties before their thirst for victory is quenched? Surely, you will work with me to stop this. What comes after does not concern you. But helping and protecting people, that is all you aim for."
Damian Tted.
"You wish to use us and our morals for your personal gain", he said.
"Let's just say our interests align for a brief moment."
"It's fine, we will help you. If someone more blood-thirsty than Ra's came into power, this can be dangerous for the world itself. We will not help you gain power for yourself or for anyone, we will only aim to protect. For example, the children of this island that fled when they learned about Ra's death, you will leave them alone. If anyone wants to leave the League, no harm will come to them, understood?"
"As you wish, Beloved. I do not have time for weaklings anyway," Talia replied. "For now, I'll let you settle in first. The ninja that have stayed have been relocated in a lower area of the base. That means that this whole part we are currently in is for you. You may walk without your suits and masks here. I would even suggest staying out of the suit, since you may be seen as members of the League. It may be helpful to gather information. Your identities shouldn't be at risk here, since we are far from America and your vigilantes identities aren't well know in this location. The only person that knows them, aside me, is Bane."
"Bane? Bane is here?" Dick asked.
"Indeed. His room is not far from here, but for now, I barely saw him. He was not working with the League for a long time, but my father recruited him again not long ago. The ninja have confirmed that. He is not your enemy, so you shouldn't fear any attack from him. Let's join again in 1 hour."
After that, they all chose and entered one room, while Bruce and Talia stayed together and went on their own. Dick entered one room that was located on the right, Damian chose the one next to Dick's, and Tim entered the one facing Dick's.
The room was neither big nor small. He had all the facilities needed: a bed, a table, a closet, and even a private bathroom. He laid down on the bed. The door was closed and locked, but it was not enough protection for him. He would have to handle the lack of safety for the time being. He tried to take deep breaths, as alarms were ringing in his body. He was frozen, and he hoped no one will disturb him. His whole body just went on lockdown as everything was crashing down on him. It would pass, he just needed to wait, in this painful and lonely moment.
The hour passed and it was time to join the others. Breathing hard again, he ordered his body to move and, after a few minutes, he was able to stand. He removed his mask and suit, keeping his tools and gadgets on himself, and he left his room. Dick, Damian and Jason, and Bruce and Talia, all in civilian clothes, joined him in the corridor too. Talia led them to their private kitchen.
"This kitchen is fully equipped, you can come here anytime. You may see Bane as well, as he eats there too. I advise working with him, if he stays long enough in a room with you. I shared this with Bruce as well, but this area includes many things such as Ra's quarters, a surveillance room, this kitchen, a gym, some exits… You may explore the base and this island as you wish, but you will come to Der Island only when I approve it."
"Alright. But if you find an information, chooses to withhold it and it harms us in anyway, I will not forgive you, Talia," Bruce said with a firm voice.
Talia and Bruce looked at each other.
"I will help you, we will, and I accept your terms. But if you endanger my children because you refused to let us know crucial information, I will not hold back," he added.
"I understand, and I accept your terms too."
Bruce nodded.
"I will go to Der Island now. We will stay in contact regularly, and I will come back from time time."
She turned to Damian.
"It is good to see you, my son."
"Mother," Damian acknowledged, his body stiff.
Then she left and they were alone in the kitchen.
"Well, let's eat because I am starving." Jason exclaimed.
He opened the fridge and started to cook something. Dick joined Jason, and both of them started arguing with each other. Tim left them, walking without a purpose in the room. Talia's words were dancing in his mind. He knew that, one day, he would come in this island. But now that the day had finally come, he was not sure he could do it. The doubt was crawling inside his mind. Ra's was dead, the threat he had posed was null, at least for now. But it was not enough to calm the alarm in his body.
"So, what do you think, Tim?"
Tim stopped moving.
"About the whole case, I mean," Bruce added.
He turned to Bruce who had approached him.
"Well, I need more information before I can have a solid opinion," Tim replied. "Ra's body would be the best start, but since Talia is not allowing us…"
"That's unfortunate, yes. I am not sure if the League itself is threatened, maybe it is just Ra's. The Pits poisoned, him dead… for me, this attack was mainly aimed at Ra's."
Tim nodded, and a few minutes later, Jason said that food was ready. Tim let them chose their own seats. Damian was seated at Bruce's left, and Dick was facing Damian while Jason was facing Bruce. As Bruce chose to seat not at the far seat, there was still a vacant spot at his right, so Tim sat there. He started eating, focused on his thoughts. They were talking, but Tim wasn't hearing their conversation. They weren't talking about him or weren't asking something directly, so there was no need to participate.
He had heard plenty about this island. Ra's has talked about it, even if Tim didn't want any of that. He wished he could go somewhere else. But he had started something two years ago, and the situation right now was the result of all the actions he took.
"Tim?"
He mentally flagellated himself. While he didn't plan to participate into the conversation, he still needed to follow it. It seemed that they called him multiple times, but he didn't reply. Maybe Damian will criticize him again, or Jason would scoff at him. No matter what happened, he reminded himself to not react. It didn't matter.
"Sorry, sorry! What did you say?"
"I wanted to know if you want to take a tour together with us. Bruce will be with Talia before she leaves, but I think we can go wandering about the 4 of us. What do you think?" Dick asked.
He was all smile, his eyes and his face transparent in his desire to have Tim coming along. Tim could already feel his own face moving to showcase how bad this idea of the 4 of them being together was, but he wasn't going to feed Jason or specifically Damian anything.
"You can go without me, I am going to lay down first."
"Oh, well, no problem! We can tour after some rest!"
Tim focused on staying neutral, but he wanted to grit his teeth. Dick never knew when to stop insisting. He had already deal with them for the day. Frankly, he didn't understand why Dick wanted him to be there. Damian and Jason were perfectly enough. After finishing their meal, and since he was not going to escape it, Tim said he was fine enough to skip rest. While Bruce went to check the surveillance room, Dick decided they would go to Ra's room.
When they entered, Tim forced himself to relax. It was fine, he was fine. Ra's was far away from him. There was no harm, no issue with going into his private room.
"Well, seems Ra's wanted to enjoy himself. This room screams 'I'm rich and I want to bathe in my money!" Jason exclaimed.
The room was luxurious. The bed was massive, covered with mulberry silk sheets and pillowcases. The cabinets and wardrobes were made of high-quality materials. Everything was carved beautifully, the rugs were soft, and the almost panoramic view of the island was astonishing.
"Yeah, it feels like a luxurious room of an expensive hotel," Dick agreed.
"This is…" Damian paused, searching for words. "unlike him. He was not a materialistic person."
"You should see the bathroom!" yelled Jason from the room he had gone to. "If you have a bathroom like that, you would never want to leave it."
Dick approached the bed, looking carefully. He couldn't see Ra's body, but he was found dead in this bed. He removed the sheets and started searching.
"He was sleeping on the left side of the bed," he suddenly said.
Damian, and Jason who came back from the bathroom, came closer as well. There were lines of Ra's body on the left side, but the right side was appearing brand new.
"You're right. He was sleeping on one side, as if someone should be on the other side," Jason agreed.
"But this someone didn't sleep in this bed. There is no mark," Damian pointed out.
Jason looked at the bed, then at the room around them.
"The bathtub is also very large… Was Ra's in a relationship?" Jason asked, disgust on his face.
"Well, that may be a possibility," Dick said.
Tim was still close to the door. He needed to go deeper in the room, to approach the bed as well, to look, to search. That was what they were here for, not to guard the door. It was fine, after all it was just a bed, a stupid and inoffensive bed.
'Move. You're going to attract attention. Move, move, move, move!' he thought.
And yet, Tim could not move, could not go inside. Ra's's words were crawling inside his ears. But even when it woke him up all these past months since he came back from saving Bruce from the timestream, he knew he had no one to go to. Here, in this room, surrounded by them, he knew that if he had a breakdown now, he will be nothing than food to the vultures that Damian and Jason were to him, with Dick only standing by to do nothing. Tim yelled harder in his head to move and, finally, his feet were able to turn some inches forward.
He took his decision a little less than two years ago and he would stand by it.
"You alright, Tim?" Dick asked.
He took too much time, but it was fine. He just needed to take everything as an exercice for him to get better. Soon, everything would become just an echo from the past. Soon, he would have all the time and the safety he craved, and he would lick his wounds.
"Yeah. Yeah, I am good," he replied.
"You don't look so good, Tim," Jason added.
"I'll just go back to my room. See you at dinner," Tim added.
He then turned towards to fully exit the room.
"I'll accompany you," Damian announced. "Since we are unaware of the threat, it is better to move at least in pairs."
"I agree with Damian, Replacement," Jason said.
Tim just locked in for a brief second, every training focused to put at bay every feeling.
"I'm fine, continue with the tour. If you come with me, then you'll be the one walking alone when coming back here. It's fine."
He was already out of the room before anyone could say anything. As his feet were creating more distance from Ra's room, Ra's bed, and the Waynes, the tension in his chest lessened a bit. He reached his room not long after, and he closed the door. He was alone, taking long breathes, feeling himself again.
Sitting by the table, he took the notebook hidden in his backpack, and started reading in his head all the mantra he had listed. It was filled with notes everywhere, and all the goals and deadline he had set up. The age "20" was circled many, many times. Tim was currently 18, and aiming everything for 20. Maybe, if he was lucky, he would be able to put everything behind him at late 19. When he was feeling down, he remember the drawing he made, the route with all the actions he needed to make, all the activities he wanted to try, so that he could reach 20, and stopped being the current Tim.
After inspecting his notebook again, he hid it again. He didn't feel like journaling right now. Instead, he took his tablet. He had time before dinner, so he sat at the table. He needed to list all the ninja and the children Ra's had in his hand before his demise. Talia was still in the dark, but Tim knew that it was not going to take long before part of the truth raised to the surface. He would bury the rest, and saved as many as he could.
He had set his deadline, and he would go through it. Tim would bury the rest of himself, the one who had bleed at the hands of the people he once called family, he would bury the rest that Ra's had wanted to seize for himself, and he would fly again, free and happy.
Later in the day, someone knocked on his door. His body tensed immediately, alarms ringing. Used to the alarms in his body, it only tooked a few seconds before he was able to open the door, both the part ready to defend himself and the part ready to act as if nothing was wrong, ready.
"Dick," Tim greeted.
"Hey, are you feeling better?"
"I do, thank you," Tim replied.
"Great, it is good to hear that. Well, Jason is making dinner. Time to eat!" Dick cheered.
"I will later, I am not hungry right now."
"Oh? You sure? We all want to see you!"
Tim must have make a face, because Dick added promptly:
"Even Damian, I swear. And if anything happens, I'll be there. You're going to have a great time, really!"
Tim didn't want to go. He wished he could just stay in his room. But he knew saying no would only postpone the fateful moment.
"OK. I am coming."
"Yes! Thank you so much, Tim!"
A few minutes later, they joined the kitchen. The food was ready, and they all sat. Dick shared what they found in Ra's room with Bruce, and Bruce said he had verified the surveillance room, and most of the area for any hidden camera. There were no cameras in their area nor Ra's room.
"I have installed some cameras, and I'll share with you the links so you can watch as well. If anyone comes into this zone, we will have eyes on them."
They ate, talked, shared their disbelief on the situation, on Ra's demise. For now, they had no lead on who could have managed to poison the Pits and kill Ra's without any trace. Tim listened barely and just ate enough.
Finally, the dinner was over. He helped with cleaning and then went directly to his room. The door closed behind him, and he let out a huge breath. He took the luggages he had with him and put it in front of the door. Taking his bô, he used it to block the door as well. It was far from enough, but it was something. He brushed his teeth quickly and then collapsed on the bed. His body was unsafe, judging that the protections he made were not enough. But he fall asleep anyway, his mind too exhausted, collapsing under tiredness and pain.
It was late into the night when Tim opened his eyes suddenly. He took a deep breath. He was safe and sound, he was strong and he had his goals in head. He was going to be fine. After his mantra recited in the safety of his head, he rose from the bed. He removed all the furniture he had put to block the door, and he opened it slowly. There was no one at first glance. He left and when passing by Dick's room, he could hear that he was talking, to Damian if he guessed his voice correctly. Not curious about their conversation, he continued walking lightly.
He reached the training room. There was no one in it. Needing to use his energy, he took his bô in his hand and started going through his routine. Focus took control of his body, and he forgot everything for a moment. He cherished these moments, now that he was able to root himself during them.
He would need to list it in his notebook afterwards. He had forgot to list the last one and repetition was the key, at least that was the books he had read said. Sometimes, his notebook was forgotten, as if taking a minute and writing out what was inside his chest was an insurmountable task. Most of the times, he handled it like a task.
Tim stopped. He was not alone anymore. He turned to the person who entered the training room, and saw Bane. Talia had mentioned it, but it was still a surprise for Tim to find this man here. He had barely met Bane before, and his knowledge is mostly what he heard about him, which was not a lot. Ra's didn’t say much about him as well. From what Tim gathered, Bane just existed. He was not an active participant of anything, and there was no trace of him these last years.
Bane paused only one second to acknowledge his presence, then sit down at the lat pulldown and started working out. He had no need to leave, so Tim just went to the treadmill and started to running. They both focused on their task. Tim spent a few moments wondering if he should say something, but then he went against it. There was no need, and while Tim dreaded silence, it was more or less fine. Silence was not something he was comfortable with, usually. So far, Tim's body analyzed silence as danger. The past was full of data where he was attacked and hurt, ambushed and maimed.
But he had no data with Bane regarding Tim, as they never interacted before. So Tim focused on running, and nothing happened. When he stopped running and left the room, with Bane still in it, nothing had happened and Tim relieved in that knowledge.
When he went back to his room, there was no more conversation coming from Dick's room, but he rushed to his room nonetheless. Feeling the rush of feelings, he sat and took his note book. Focusing on the task, he repeated to himself that today would finally going to be the day of starting his journal and doing it everyday.
'I met B…'
He paused at the letter 'B'. He didn't want to write any information that could be detrimental in his notebook, in the case someone else found it. And so far, he had avoided to write about the Waynes. So he decided to went with just 'B'.
'I met B in the gym. He said nothing, I said nothing, and nothing happened. It was good.'
He paused again, feeling that he had written what he needed to write. But shouldn't he write more? Was only a sentence enough for journaling? It was still such a new task, he didn't know if he was doing right. Not wanting to push more though, he closed and hid his notebook.
After that, he checked that he put everything he could to block the door, using his bô as well. He even added the table. It was not perfect, but Tim went to bed. Sleep eluded him for 1 hour, at his disappointment. He thought that his relatively good mood would be enough to make him fall sleep fast. Finally, his eyes closed and he slept.
The next morning, when Tim entered the kitchen, Jason was already here. If he managed to eat fast, Tim could be out of the room before someone else comes in.
"Hi Tim!" Jason cheered.
"Hi!"
"Slept well?"
"I did."
Jason opened his mouth, then closed it when no other word from Tim came. Since sitting elsewhere would push Jason to ask questions, he sat down next to him once his plate was full, and started eating right away.
"Want to tour today? Feeling better?" Jason asked.
"I am going into the city, I'll try to gather info there."
"Oh. Yeah, let's go there!"
Tim wanted to roll his eyes. Of course Jason was inviting himself. Maybe that was better for him to tag along in the open city, rather than the closed space that was the base. Tim tried to slow down as he was eating too fast, even to his liking. But he could feel it already, the press on his throat as Jason was slitting it.
"Breathe, breathe. It is in your head," Tim thought.
Jason was moving his hands, eating his plate too, and each movement of his hands were bringing Tim back into the past, throat opened and body bruised.
"Hey guys!" Dick said while entering the room.
Tim almost startled, but managed to stop himself. Then Damian and Bruce joined too, and soon enough, they were all sitting down. They started speaking and as always, Tim focused on his food.
"… right, Tim?"
He had missed the beginning of the question, and Tim sighed internally. It was getting harder to keep one ear focused on their conversations. His body was stuck between triggered and being 'I don't give a fuck about it'.
All eyes were on him, and Tim suddenly felt a rush of emotions he didn't understand.
"I am sorry, I didn't hear your question."
He felt his apology was not enough, he failed to listen again.
"Sorry," he added.
He hoped he could escape this moment not too much hurt. He was at the peak of his self-control and, at the same time, he could feel everything slipping away. He was less and less perfect with his reactions and attitude. It didn't make any sense, and Tim tried his best to grasp everything under control again. His estimation of 2 years felt so far away. Couldn't he cut ties now?
He was making more mistakes, and the more mistakes he made were all opportunities for them to remind him of what he had been all along: a pretender, a replacement. What was the point of a flawed replacement? Tim wanted to leave, not to be thrown away. He wanted to take the big door on his own, not to be discarded the same way he had felt so long: trash.
But the eyes were on him now, and he knew he couldn't leave right now. He was not invisible enough for them to let him disappear. They wouldn't let him go. They wanted him to be stuck with them in an endless swarm of sadness.
"No problem, Tim. No need to apologize. Dick was just planning the weekly family movie watching for this week. We were asking what day and hour were convenient for you," Bruce explained.
"We're still doing that here?" Tim asked without being able to stop himself.
Their faces fell, and Tim wondered if his tone betrayed him. He had learn that too: he would be blamed if he showed any indication of anger or resentment. The way they looked at him, all of them, waiting for him to want to participate, Tim couldn't understand. It was as if they really wanted him to be there, as if their intention was genuine.
And maybe it was, but he couldn't wrap his head around the idea, about the why. They were all trying to talk to him, invite him. After so long watching him from afar, they were now okay with him tagging along.
"It is important we maintain this tradition, for keeping strong ties between our family," Bruce said.
"Oh, well, what about at the end of week, like Saturday, 9PM?" Tim suggested, trying to put back his composedness.
"Let's go with that. Jason, it is your turn to choose the movie," Dick said.
"Yeah, yeah, I know."
"And I want a modern movie!"
"No promises," Jason grinned.
Dick laughed and Jason smiled. Tim looked at them and felt nothing. If they had talked about it without inviting him or including him in the conversation, it would not have hurt as much as in the past. He was used to it, to know that they were movie watching without him. It had happened for weeks when he saved Bruce, when Damian clearly told him what he was and what he wasn't. And then, Damian had a sudden change of heart, and he was included again. Thinking of the memory of that specific night was only bringing bad feelings, so Tim pushed it outside his mind.
Now, it seemed they were all reaching out to him, with less and less bites or rough edges, as if Tim mattered. When it didn't matter anymore, whether he was invited or not.
When nothing of this mattered to him anymore.
Later after the breakfast, Tim and Jason went to the big area in their quarters where Bruce had moved their private jet. In addition to all the facilities that Ra's personal area had, there was a hangar with a big opening, leading to a road that reached the main city. They approached their bikes that they brought with them.
"Want to go on the same bike? Since I'm a gentleman and a nice guy, I'll let you drive!" Jason exclaimed.
Tim suddenly felt dread all over his body, as the image of Jason's hands on him flashed inside his mind. His body pulsed with fear, sensing danger, seeking safety. Forcing himself to remain calm, he searched for the best words that he could find, hoping it was enough to not trigger Jason.
"Let's take 2 bikes. Better in case of emergency," Tim replied.
He sat down immediately on one bike.
"Yeah… makes sense," Jason said.
Jason sat down as well on the other bike, and they both departed. They drove in silence towards the gathering centre of the main city. Tim looked around him, trying to take in his surroundings, but also to immerse himself in the beauty of the island. From the top of the hill, he could see the whole city of Kireh and the other cities that extended beyond the main one. The island was surrounded by an amazing blue water. It felt like the whole island was a piece of water and land living in its own bubble, away from everything. Ra's had indeed chosen a beautiful place. 'A paradise on a plate,' had said Ra's.
Tim pushed back the memories, the words and the stares, far away from his mind. Instead, he tried to focus on the image of himself, his camera in hand, just looking for the best shots, the perfect angle of every bit of landscape he could find. His heart pounded in his chest, longing for the camera hidden in his bag.
They reached the main part of the city, filled with shops and restaurants. People were living their life, unaware of the base of the League not far away from them. Tim and Jason both chose to stay in the area, but in separate ways, ears opened.
Jason started walking around some restaurants, listening for information with the groups talking on the terraces. He looked behind, watching Tim's back. Oh how he longed to get back to him, and try again. He could do it, he could break the carapace Tim had to wear around them, around Jason. They didn't had a lot of conversations before. After his attacks on Tim, he had just stopped on a 'I-won't-harm-you-and/or-let's-exchange-some-words-sometimes-yeah?!- attitude.
Then time passed, his anger subdued, he interacted with other heroes, Damian came, Bruce disappeared, and Tim saved Bruce. Jason was more and more present, but Tim was less and less around. Tim was hurt, and Jason could finally see it.
It was just a matter of time. Tim was methodical and analytical. He just needed to give Tim more good data to overcome the bad ones he had given in the past. Jason was adamant, so it was just a matter of time before Tim could see it, could see him. Jason watched for a few more seconds, and then continued his task of listening.
Tim, meters away, looked behind a few minutes after. Jason had his back to him. Immediately, Tim took a turn and started running towards the real direction he aimed for. It was not so far away, a home hidden in a supposedly company building. He climbed to one window and forced it open. When he reached the ground, he put his hands in the air.
"I am not a threat," he said.
"Who are you? I'll have you know that I am good with knives!" replied a voice.
Tim had promised himself that he would help the kids Ra's had wronged for his goals. Well, he guessed that no one said that they were going to make it easy.
Tim just smiled.