Chapter Text
Blair Bellamy awoke slowly to a silent room. There was no light, no sound, just silence.
They sighed and rolled over, trying to find some purchase of comfort in their bedsheets, and glared at the dull green light of the metal clock on their nightstand.
Eight bells. 0400.
It was too damn early to be awake, and yet they were. Blair muttered a wordless curse and shifted again under the covers. They had gotten used to waking up too early on this station involuntarily. It was hardly a surprise anymore, just irritating. Now they were up, there was no going back down. Thoughts were flowing, and the brain was active.
A dull buzz at the back of their neck spurred them into motion, and they slid out from the bed as quietly as they could, one foot after the other onto the freezing carpeted floor of their personal quarters. To Blair’s fortune, the other form in the bed didn’t react to their departure.
Slipping into their captain’s formals, Blair rubbed their eyes and shot a glance at the rudimentary counter above their doorframe, and reached up to shift the number down by one.
2824 days to Firewatch.
They weren’t bothered by anyone on the way to the command deck. The usual crew up at this hour– mostly janitors, night security, and essential staff– had become used to their presence this early in the morning.
A steaming cup of coffee waited on their desk, next to two painkillers and a tablet with the morning’s briefing. The ship’s CSO, Maturin, had become better at anticipating their increasingly common pre-reveille arrivals. Blair was pretty sure the madman woke up earlier than them, and on purpose too.
The circular command deck just outside the walls of their office was bereft of the personnel they were used to seeing. Unlike Bellamy, the rest of the staff who ran the ship were actually sane people with healthy sleep cycles.
It was kind of funny. There were almost three thousand people on this mobile station, the Wanderer, and with more than half a season in their journey down, Blair was sure they were the only one still not acclimated to sleeping on it. They found this bizarre, since they usually slept just fine in space. There wasn't one night on the Diamantia that they had a poor night’s sleep.
Then again, the Diamantia never went on an eight-year journey between star systems before.
It once again set in just how much was left in this trip, and Blair realized how much Drift Gates had been truly taken for granted. With them, a trip between stars was instantaneous and routine. Without them… it was like this: a massive burn across the void that would last nearly a decade. At least it was the only time a journey like this would have to be made. They’d build the return gate once they arrived, and that would be that.
The Wanderer was nothing like the Diamantia. In fact, it was the largest and most luxurious ship ever built. Keeper’s Dance had nearly blown the bank building it. It had heat shields, artificial gravity, and crew habitats that may as well have been mansions compared to the usual housing on a CDF vessel. It was everything they could want.
And still, they hated it. Hated the ship with a passion.
It was too big, too much, too… comfortable. Space travel wasn’t meant to be easy. When everything was routine and mundane, there wasn’t any joy in it. No feeling of accomplishment at the end. They had rarely seen a smile on a crewmember’s face this week. This journey wasn’t meant to be a chore, it was meant to be fantastic, but that glory just wasn’t there anymore in the hearts and minds of the crew.
A rapping on their office door drew them from their thoughts, and Blair looked up to see an all-too-familiar woman standing just outside.
Jackie Corday gave a polite wave and let herself in, quietly closing it behind her. Jackie’s shortened hair was still a mess, but that wasn’t very unusual for anyone this time of morning. She wore an oversized sweatshirt and jeans to accompany her bedhead of rich red hair, and had her arms crossed with concern, eyeing the painkillers on Blair’s desk.
“You know, you weren't as quiet as you thought when you were leaving the room this morning.”
Blair shot a quick glare out their window at Maturin, who was supposed to let them know when Corday was coming. He just shrugged in response and went back to setting tablets on desks. Blair huffed and turned to face their girlfriend with a relaxed smile. They didn’t respond to the comment.
“I’m worried about you, Bee,” she said after a pause. “You haven’t been your usual this last month. This isn’t healthy.”
“I’ve got a ship to run. It’s a big responsibility,” They hoped Corday would just leave, but knew that wasn’t going to happen.
“A ship that hasn’t changed direction in half a year and isn’t going to for another eight…” she countered. “There’s nothing to captain. Something’s bothering you, I know it.”
Blair hesitated, and blew off the comment. “I’m fine, just keep waking up early.” They quickly took the painkillers into their mouth and gulped them down with some coffee.
Corday frowned. “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”
Another long moment of silence followed, and Corday asked a question. “Is it about the morale?”
Blair nodded. Corday never had to work very hard to get an answer out of them, probably for the same reason they had fallen in love with her so easily: she could be trusted. They rubbed their eyes and finally met Corday’s warm gaze.
“This isn’t how space travel is supposed to be, Jackie. It's just… wrong. There’s no joy in the crew. Nobody’s happy to be here anymore.”
Corday approached Blair’s desk and drew a chair. Sitting down, she smiled softly. “Come on, it was like that for you all on the Diamantia, too. The workday was all you complained to me about over tightbeam.”
“Yeah,” Blair agreed. “But this isn’t like the Diamantia… that was towards the end, but back then, it was only seven months. There was an end in sight. Now… we still have seven and a half years to go.” They sighed. “There’s a reason no one else signed up to lead this.”
Corday inched her chair forward some more. “Hey, come on, you know that’s not the reason… look, we’re doing something nobody’s done before. We’re going farther than anyone’s ever gone before. That’s special.”
Blair shrugged. “Maybe, just… after so long, record-setting doesn’t seem that appealing anymore. The excitement is gone in the crew. Reality’s set in.”
Corday sat thoughtfully for a moment, grabbing the bead bracelet on her wrist and fidgeting with it. “Then… let’s throw something to remind them of what we’re doing here.”
Blair sat up straighter and arched an eyebrow, ideas starting to form in their head. “You mean… like throwing a party?”
Corday’s eyes lit up with excitement, and she tapped her forehead to imply that she and Blair had just linked minds. “Yeah, exactly! Today’s the Solstice anyway, we should celebrate the end of this first leg in our journey.”
Blair regarded Corday with a light smile on their face that grew by the second. Her optimism was infectious, and they couldn’t stop a grin from forming. Already, an image formed of the main cargo bay being remade into a ballroom. A few dozen of the crew had packed instruments with them, so finding a live band would be easy. They couldn’t think of a single person who would oppose this, and with enough hands, it could be ready by dinner.
“Okay,” Blair agreed. “Let’s throw a party.”
Corday drummed on her knees in excitement. “Yes! I knew this’d be a good idea! We’re gonna have so much fun. I’ll ask around and help get things put together… you’ll feel better after this, trust me!”
Blair chuckled. The prospect of a party excited them, more than anything else in the last half-year had. It may be just what the ship needed. What they needed.
“Alright, I’ll start the planning process,” Blair couldn’t stop themself from smiling as they spoke. “Now go, I’ve gotta go over the reports from Aubrieta’s team. Get. Shoo!”
Corday laughed as Blair gestured at the door and continued her giggle fit most of the way out. “Thank you! You won’t regret this, I promise!” Blair continued to watch their partner as she crossed the bridge. From the other end of the command deck, making sure everyone heard, she shouted “Love you, Bee!” and quickly stepped out.
Maturin and the others turned to look at Blair after Corday left. Blair just chuckled and shook their head, the onlookers returning to their duties after a moment. They gulped down the rest of their coffee and sprang out of their office with a newfound energy, intercepting Maturin on the way back to his desk.
“Can we have Bay B3 cleared for something special tonight?”