Work Text:
July 17.
Clear skies. Warm weather.
It’s time.
Do it before something happens.
No room for regrets.
Turn on your phone.
Happy birthday, Ashiya-senpai. <<
>> Nagisa-kun! :D Thank you so much.
>> It means the world to me!!
I wanted to ask you something. <<
>> Yes? What is it? Is everything okay, Nagisa-kun???
Would you like to come over? <<
To celebrate your birthday, I mean. <<
>> Of course I would love to! That sounds wonderful!
I’m glad. Come by early evening time? <<
>> Yes, sounds good to me! I’ll be there!!!
>> Do I need to bring anything?
No, no. Don’t overwork yourself. I’ll handle the prep.
Don’t worry, Ashiya-senpai. I have it all under control. <<
>> Okay! I promise! Also, one thing, Nagisa-kun…
Yes? What’s up? <<
>> You don’t need to call me senpai! We’re friends!!
Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize. I’ll stop. <<
>> No worries! ^^ See you soon!
See you! Have a good rest of your day. <<
A shaky breath escaped his lips; his heart was pounding as he looked around his living room. Scattered around were boxes of party supplies. It’s not like money was exactly an issue for him. Masaki shouldn’t make too much of a fuss about it. Although he might have to make him actually blow out the candles, there’s a good chance he’ll run over right toward the patio and awe at Nagisa’s lackluster gardening skills.
Masaki would then firmly grasp both of his hands and squeeze them so tight that Nagisa would assume he’d need to get them both amputated with how much nerve damage he’d sustain. Masaki would apologize and tell Nagisa how proud he was, how to continue going forward if he’s serious about gardening, and invite him over so Kurosu-san can go on various tangents about it. He’d let go and scramble to say sorry, and then Masaki would finally let himself relax. Only a smidge, but that’s better than nothing.
A small smile appeared on Nagisa’s face, though not with joy. With what he had seen those several days ago, how it felt like, and those agonizing screams– Panic began to set in again, Nagisa’s soul felt like it was being torn to shreds. Nearly dropping his phone, he read those texts to Masaki. Then again. Then once more. Until he could catch his breath, until his vision wasn’t blurry, and until he felt like he could face Masaki later today.
Though perhaps that was a bit of an unrealistic dream. Nightmare would be a better way to describe it. But when have the past few months not been an absolute hell to go through? Burying his face in his hands, he wished he could melt into the couch. Facing reality would be easier because then at least he’d be protected.
…Fuck. No. No, not protected. He didn’t deserve to be protected.
Couldn’t he even find solace in relaxing? What the hell had he done in some past life or alternate universe that he couldn’t even breathe?! How was he supposed to give Masaki the attention and affection he so rightfully deserved, especially after all of this? With how much more he avoided thinking about what he had seen, the pain got worse. Perhaps it would have been better if he had…
Sorry. Masaki would be really upset if he heard that.
Ever since he was a child, he was used to being stuck in his own head. The days were melting away as he was somewhere else entirely. Was that the prelude to all of this? The play pretend games he played with Mom and Dad? The encouragement they gave, even when he was so zoned out so often his legs were covered in bruises? Perhaps if they were here and not away on their eternal fucking work trip, then all of this would be much more manageable?
He sighed. Getting angry over this would be a waste of time. …Not efficient. He had other things to worry about. He slowly got up from the couch, not daring to look at it as he glanced over the entire downstairs area. His eyes landed on the 5 pink carnations he had planted in preparation. He was at least grateful that they hadn’t wilted and that they seemed relatively healthy. At least if Masaki’s word was to be trusted. …Stop doubting him. Even then, even during that, he didn’t let you down. Selfish bastard. Gently shaking his head, he knew that he could avoid it no longer. He had to make a decision. Should he confront himself now before setting up, or after?
Both options were terrible. Something had to be sacrificed…
Stop.
Something has to take priority now. Maybe he needed to weigh his options. Sort them out so at least something from all of this would make any lick of sense. If he cleaned now and began pondering later, then there was a very high chance that he wouldn’t be able to face Masaki. There was a chance he would be able to compose himself by that point, but who was he trying to fool here? Wasn’t even worth thinking about…
If he started to face himself now, the likelihood of him being unable to do anything until Masaki shows up is incredibly high. What kind of bastard invites someone over to their own place that they had invited, and the place looks like a junkyard and an assortment of cardboard boxes and spoiled food? But… Masaki. Nagisa knows himself, or at least thinks he does. At least he’d be able to give him the flowers once he arrives, and he knows that he will mostly be present. Masaki has such a kind heart. He wouldn’t mind just having flowers. That’s just the type of guy that he is. Most of the time, he doesn’t even seem real.
He owed it to him that he should be there for him, be his friend. There are other events he could decorate for, other events where he could play the perfect host. Masaki… just wanted him. His friendship, his companionship…
Nagisa’s own subconscious made up his mind for him. He slipped back into that terrible reality before he could catch himself otherwise. It was time. Do this now, or you will regret it later.
Ever since he got those Phantom Thieves powers, every so often, his daydreams switched to something much more real and much more horrifying. The air was always so suffocating, but the fact that he could even feel the air in those delusional visions of his was even more despairful. Perhaps this is what sleep paralysis felt like… The smells, the colors, the sounds of everyone’s voices, too. Somehow and someway, he remembered Masaki in his phantom idol outfit. Of course, this shouldn’t be possible, but what even was real anymore? Maybe staying ignorant would have been better because thinking that this could have happened, or it did happen somewhere, someplace…
He turned his back for just a moment, fully confident in himself and Masaki to handle the situation. It didn’t make sense for it to be just the two of them, but that’s a matter he doesn’t need to think about lest his mind shatter in a million pieces and never be whole again. Masaki’s shield was no other. He had never been unreliable, his knight. No matter where they were, no matter what happened to them, Masaki was right there and seemingly indestructible. How could something even happen to him? Nothing… should have been able to…
The thing that made his head snap back and tear him from his gaze was Masaki’s scream. Nagisa could never have imagined that that soft-spoken boy would be able to let out something so soul-shattering and so guttural that he sounded like a man possessed. Fixating on his voice was a distraction from the absolutely horrifying scene that was laid out in front of him. Masaki’s eyes were wide open, his sword clattered against the ground, and blood was gushing every which way. A hole in his chest, something darker than blood was dripping and painting the ground an assortment of red. Neck spraying like a fountain, followed by that pained cough. He had fallen on his knees, his armour making sure he wouldn’t tip forward or back. He was kneeling in front of that creature that had injured him.
Masaki, the one thing that seemed never to get hurt, coughing up blood, arms stuck to his side, too weak to lift them as they both watched in horror how Masaki’s insides were spilling out like it was nothing. It would have been a mercy if the initial strike had killed him. Nagisa wouldn’t have had to stare back into his friend’s eyes that had so much sorrow and fear in them. The look they shared lasted for a few brief moments before Masaki finally died, his body slumping forward and then falling to his side. The pain had ended for good, but the very second before he finally perished, he had felt despair.
Masaki had failed to protect Nagisa.
He knew that was exactly what his friend was thinking.
Never worried about himself, he died thinking of Nagisa’s pain and sadness only. And before Nagisa could have a chance to scream, mourn, vomit– he woke up, tears spilling from his eyes in the bathroom of the station and now had to think of a way to compose himself in a minute and get back to his shift at the flower shop. He had never been more thankful in his life than when he remembered that this was Masaki’s off day and he wouldn’t have had to see him in this state. He would have been even more inconsolable. Suou-san and Kurosu-san would have had to call the police and file a missing person’s report.
Suou-san and Kurosu-san would never forgive him if Nagisa let their son ever do anything remotely as reckless as that. That, surprisingly, snapped Nagisa out of his stupor. He hoped that Masaki was doing something fun with his dads at the moment so that he would at least have one good thing today before Nagisa probably ruins it. That… brings him relief, happiness. His feelings for Masaki felt a lot more… selfish than they already had been. It was very easy to fall for him. Masaki is an angel descended upon this earth and Nagisa’s light. His dads also quickly took a liking to him, with Suou-san even pulling him aside and telling him that they’re a good match and how often Masaki talks to them about him.
Maybe he had the same feelings, too. He hoped Masaki didn’t. Such an amazing person as him shouldn’t be dragged down to Nagisa’s terrible level.
Taking in several deep breaths, Nagisa turned on his phone. He saw that Masaki had said he’ll be there in an hour. He quickly texted back and looked at the state of his living room. He was thankful he wasn’t stupid enough to leave out the cupcakes he had ordered for them. They still looked fresh. The flowers were there, and at least the sound system was there. Honestly, they could do without the streamers and table cloth and whatever else. Masaki’d probably wanna help him clean, and then he’d go a bit overboard. A little too reliable, but whatever.
Point is, he was relatively calm, and he still had time to spruce up the place slightly. Right, off to work. …Just take it easy, Nagisa.
He was done wrapping the flowers in a makeshift bouquet when he heard a knock on his door. He quickly made his way over and held the flowers behind his back. Yeah, this sure wasn’t exactly a friendly gesture. But… Masaki wouldn’t protest. Hopefully. Probably. No, he wouldn’t; just open the door!
Fine. I will.
“Nagisa-kun!” His radiant smile beamed at him. Wow. You’ve been reading those books a little too much. What the hell was that?
“Ashiya-san! Please, come in!” Nagisa said with his own signature smile. Masaki began gushing over how cute the place looked and asked if those were cupcakes on the dining table there. He’s so… happy. So optimistic. So–
“Yes, I ordered them specifically for you. Well, it’s your birthday, so… I know you have a lot of favorite flavors and I couldn’t decide which one to get, so I got an assortment.” Nagisa finally revealed what he was hiding behind his back. Averting his gaze yet extending his hands, he presented the shoddily but still lovingly made bouquet. “Happy birthday, M-Masaki-san.”
Oh. That just slipped out, didn’t it? Why… does that not even seem like that big of a deal?
Masaki grabbed the bouquet, gently putting his hands over Nagisa’s as he admired the gift. He was looking at it so intensely and so analytically, a soft tinge of pink dusting his cheeks. Masaki was intelligent. He caught his drift. Why should he have expected anything less?
“Oh, Nagisa… These carnations are so beautiful– the color is so vibrant too! You grew them in your garden? They need a while to even bloom, and in this kind of environment?! That’s amazing! You must be some kind of green thumb… or you’re really good at botany and made some magical fertilizer! You really are something else! I should tell Papa this… I think he’d also want to pry your brain a bit, haha!” That sparkle in his eye, the fact that he had to catch his breath because he was so excited to speak. His soft hands covered his own. God, he was beautiful. So beautiful. And he was real; the hands holding his own were real. But what he had seen, that also was r-real…
“Nagisa… What’s wrong? Your mood suddenly shifted…” Shit. He didn’t even notice. Nagisa, get a grip. For his sake, please, just… It’s okay. It’s okay; just keep looking at him.
“It’s been pretty busy for me lately. Lots and lots to do, and I guess that I had a bit of a delayed reaction.”
Masaki took the bouquet out of Nagisa’s hands and gently put it on the couch. Immediately thereafter, his hands were right back where they were, clinging to Nagisa’s so tightly, thumb gently brushing his knuckle.
“You seem like you’ve been through hell. I-I know you told me not to worry about you this much, and I did tell you I wouldn’t pry but… W-Well, uhm, how should I put this…”
“It’s okay. I got what you meant. And I know you trust me… There’s just been a lot on my mind.”
“I would press if you don’t want me to, a-and forgive me if my assumption is wrong, but you really look like you need to talk to someone. I’m always here to listen, Nagisa. You’re my… friend.” The pause was a little too long.
Nagisa leaned in closer to Masaki, his heart racing. He rarely, if ever, confided in other people. Very stunted in that regard, that fact everyone made sure he knew, disregarding the fact that he didn’t want to hear it. But this was his guardian angel. His knight. …His love.
He deserved to know.
“I guess it’s like… Ever since I was a kid, my thoughts have always been somewhere else entirely. N-Not always, but… It led me to not really say that much or really do anything except stare at my toys or my parents… Some kind of visions? I don’t know if that’s the right term but that doesn’t matter. Point is, lately they’ve been all messed up. I… see people getting hurt– it’s like watching a horror movie. A-And I can’t do anything to stop it. And I saw you and it… You were… Fuck, I just… I don’t… Something happened to you and I can’t… I can’t even think about it again… I–”
In his turmoil and fragile voice echoing across the room, he felt arms pull him in closer. His head was resting on Masaki’s shoulder, feeling a hand gently pressed up against the back of it. His hand felt so soft against his hair…
Masaki gently swayed them both back and forth, holding him until Nagisa was able to compose himself. He had no idea how long he was in such a state, but eventually he returned. But he didn’t want to let go.
So he didn’t.
Masaki’s angelic voice broke the silence.
“That sounds horrible, Nagisa. I can’t even imagine how much pain you were in… I didn’t even… But if something happened to you, I could never forgive myself. I… care about you so much. So much that my heart swells whenever I notice those times where you have a smile on your face… I didn’t even stop to think what y-you would think if something like that would happen to me–”
“And it won’t!” Nagisa leaned away but still held onto Masaki’s forearms. He had to see his face. He had to make sure Masaki knew exactly what he was thinking. His determination and his love.
“Nagisa?” Those wide eyes…
“I won’t let anything happen to you, Masaki… I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, either. That’s why I wanted to make this day special… You make me feel special, t-the least I can do is make you happy on your birthday.”
Their bodies naturally moved closer, mere centimeters apart now.
Masaki’s gentle chuckle paired with his rosy cheeks made him look like something out of a beautiful painting. …S-So radiant…
“I think there’s something we both want to say to each other, but, aha, t-there I go assuming again.” His eyes shifted away. Nagisa can’t let that happen again.
“...Would it help if I said what I think we’re both thinking?”
Masaki nodded. Just how much longer were they going to drag it out?
“I… care for you like I care for no one else. A-And you do so much for me, and maybe this is selfish but I want to be with you, Masaki… L-Like with your dads…”
Masaki was wide-eyed for just a second before he chuckled so loudly that it drowned out the sound of both of their racing hearts. Such a soft smile on his face too…
“Nagisa… It feels kind of silly, doesn’t it?”
“W-What?”
“How… trivial this seems, I guess? Like, this isn’t even that big of a surprise. It’s like we already knew we loved each other for a long while. It’s just now we’re saying it.”
Nagisa’s eyes widened, his lip quivering as he looked up at the taller boy with so many emotions unraveling inside of him. Masaki liked him, too. That fact was now so undeniable that it seemed like the law of the universe. Death, taxes, and Masaki Ashiya loving Nagisa Kamishiro.
“I think we’re supposed to k-kiss?” Nagisa, you idiot. Who just says that?
“I’ve been dying to. This is the best birthday I’ve ever had…”
Masaki cupped his face, and the distance was now so minuscule that it seemed utterly meaningless. When their lips brushed up against each other, the turmoil Nagisa was going through seemed to be worth it. What may lie ahead… Now wasn’t the time for that. For once in his life, he wanted and needed to focus on the present.
Masaki’s lips were just as soft as he imagined them being; the noises escaping from them made Nagisa’s stomach flutter with butterflies. This was the best outcome. Even better than what he could have ever imagined. He made the right choice.
After seemingly an eternity of peace, they stopped. Masaki still had Nagisa’s face in his hand when he noticed Nagisa was looking somewhere a bit different. The dining table? Ohhhh, yeah!
“Ah! I-I forgot… It’s pretty hot, huh? We need to eat the cupcakes so they don’t spoil. You seem hungry too.”
“...I’m not gonna deny that.” He laughed softly.
Masaki let go of his face, but grabbed his hand once more. How many times had he done that today alone, and why does it not seem any different than when he did it before, well, y-you know!
They both sat next to each other, ready to dig into a delicious treat before Masaki pulled out his phone. Nagisa raised an eyebrow.
“Are you texting your parents?”
“I texted Dad to tell him I’d be staying the night. O-Oh, wait… Sorry! Wait, I shouldn’t have assumed that I could–”
A hand was placed on Masaki’s thigh.
“Masaki… I think you know I would be more than okay with that. After all, well, y-you’re my–”
“Boyfriend… W-Wow, haha, I think Papa and Dad were expecting this! Now I won’t hear the end of their teasing! I can’t believe I have a boyfriend now… And that is you, Nagisa.”
“It’s hard to believe for me, too. But I think we'd better get used to that feeling. I… need you to stay with me. …It feels weird to say it.”
“You’re just not used to it. Don’t worry, I’ll be here. No matter what. And I promise you that I will have some restraint. I want us to be partners… Not just in the romantic sense.”
“And I promise that I’ll be more open about my feelings… H-Heavy on the partners thing!”
Nagisa put his hand away and gave Masaki a soft smile before turning his gaze back over to the cupcakes. He probably will need a whole other meal after this, but if Masaki is staying the night, then well… It would be a fun date. Playing games and eating food they probably shouldn’t be eating too much of.
Continue as they were, just now… As lovers.
He knew his friends would be ecstatic to hear that. Lufel will be grateful; he’ll be the first to know once he flies by tomorrow after spending a night with Shoki and Shun.
He’ll have to reveal a lot to Masaki in the coming days. It’s hard to tell what exactly they’ll do moving forward. However, there was not a single doubt in his mind that Masaki would stand beside him no matter what.
And, unlike that illusion, Nagisa will be right there next to him.
Protecting each other as partners.
Loving each other as equals.
No room for regrets.
And there is none.