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"20 years no griping says he's 14. No way he's any older."
"Ba! Voice like that? Must be 17 at least."
"Have you even looked at how he acts? Pest didn't even look twice when he caught Sophie reading that 50 colours whatsit."
"You do not know much about teenage boys, do you Bunny? Boys like to see, girls like to read."
"He reacted the same way when Jamie pasted a Playboy into National Geographic."
"I say 30 years free access to Pole he is 17. No, 18."
"20 no griping I still say he's 14."
Jack, flying away from a small horde of mini-fairies, hooked his staff around a rafter and swung so he was hanging from the beam upside down. "Watcha talkin' about?"
Bunny smirked and North, then turned back to the newest Guardian. "There's a bit of a bet going between myself and a few other spirits."
Jack grinned. "Cool. What's it about? Can I join?"
North laughed. "Would be cheating. Betting is on you."
Jack blinked, confused. "Me?"
"Your age. Not a single bloody spirit can tell your age, not even Birthday, and that's his job!"
"Benjamin is betting 16. I say pah, no fun to bet right in middle."
Jack smiled. "So, what do spirits bet with? I'm pretty sure its not cash."
"Favours, mostly." Tooth chimed in, grinning mischievously. "I bet two weeks helping clean the Groundhog's hole that you were 14. He put a month of helping with collections that you're 19, and come on you're nowhere near the right proportions to be that old."
Jack grinned, flipping to land on his feet and pulling out his tooth box. "Well then, let's find out."
Tooth cocked her head. "You mean you don't know?"
Sandy, who had drifted over, gave Toothiana a scornful look and pulled up a picture of her holding a tooth box, followed by a question mark.
North's face went pale, and Tooth grinned smugly. "Of course! You guys have no idea how many spirits are going to be helping me for the next month."
Jack laughed out loud. "Come on then, how old am I?"
Tooth smiled. "14!" she chirped, high-fiving Bunny when he held up a paw.
Jack screwed up his face, thinking. "But... GOD DAMMIT!"
The Big Four went silent immediately, looking at him. Jack crossed his arms and pulled a pouty face. "I made a bet with my friends, and they all thought I was 14."
Bunny chortled. "C'mon then, out with it. What'd ya bet?"
Frost crackled across his cheeks, over his nose, and around the shells of his ears. "I have to find any spirits I hooked up with in the past 300 years, hook up with them again, and then tell them I'm not legal."
Sandy doubled over in silent laughter, the Comedy mask appearing over his head. The rest of the Guardians snickered, and then broke down in full-fledged guffaws.
"It's not funny!" Jack protested, his entire face glistening under a sheen of fern-patterned ice.
The Guardians kept laughing and Jack gave Bunny, who was closest a good kick in the ribs before flying off. The only three he'd ever hooked up with spent their off-seasons in cabins on the well-hidden island of Berk, and Yuki Onna at least would be there for sure. She may have been cold and distant when they were together, but humiliating her would almost be worth the inevitable one-man-blizzard.
-----
Jack landed lightly on the roof of the house Hiccup had said once belonged to a traitorous man named Mildew, and with a few puffs of breath he held a bouquet of ice-flowers. Hopping off the roof, he rapped on the door three times, then again twice. It opened with a creak, and a bitter cold wind dragged him into the house.
"I worried you had left me for good." she cooed, taking his flowers with a shy smile. They joined their brethren in a meticulously crafted vase, and Yuki hummed contentedly as Jack's hands found her hips. She'd mastered the art of making clothes out of snow, and as they tumbled into her bed her dress dissolved into scanty, lacy underthings.
Jack grinned rakishly and nipped at her ear. "Shall we begin, Yuki-Anessa?"