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The Gaw Gaw is said to be a grey slimy male humanoid creature who roams the streets at night. It smells guilt and enters the homes of guilty people, supposedly through cracks and fissures and by extending and contracting its snail-like body. Once inside, it is said to smile uncannily and terrify victims to death.
At least, that’s what Snuffy knew it to be.
But in his experience,the Gaw Gaw looked much more familiar, melting and morphing into the face of someone he knew. Someone he loved.
Someone he failed.
“No!!” Snuffy yells as the figure stares at him menacingly, flashing its sharp, long terrifying teeth in a smile that, what used to be comforting before, now a nightmare for him.
“Yes…” The creature drawled as he slithered closer to Snuffy, who pressed his back against the dark walls of his room. His chest felt constricted, and it was so hard to breathe. His lungs felt trapped between bricks, like they didn’t have enough space to expand.
But the biggest thing that horrified Snuffy was the sheer amount of sludge surrounding him. It drowned his limbs, wrapped around his waist, pressed on his chest and suffocated his lungs. It felt wet and oh so heavy, and the more he stared into the face of the monster, wide-eyed and terrified, the thicker the sludge got.
Two unsettling tentacles reached out to grab Snuffy’s face. He couldn't make a sound. The sludge crept into his throat and made his tongue too sticky to speak.
The monster smiled its frightening smile at the helpless man in his grasp.
“Why didn’t you save me?!” It roared. “Why did you abandon my dream?!”
Snuffy’s eyes filled with hot tears. The feeling of guilt tore his chest open, making the sludge seep into his lungs too.
“I’m sorry!” Snuffy tried to yell, but his voice was stuck in the heavy liquid. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you Mick… I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”
“It should have been YOU!” the Monster said. “It should have been you! You! You did this! This is all your fault and now you’ll pay!”
Snuffy whimpered but didn’t try to escape. It was too late. The Gaw Gaw’s entire melted body drowned him, and all that was left for him to remember was a choked breath saying:
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, Mick… I’m sorry…”
.
“I’m sorry…”
“OI! Snuffy? Snuffy, wake up!”
“Stop yelling so loud, Lorenzo! You might frighten him!”
“But we want him to wake up!”
“Snuffy!”
The man felt a familiar long hand shaking his shoulder, and another poking his cheek. His large eyes fluttered open. Above him, the first thing he saw was Lorenzo’s familiar face popping into view.
“Oh, thank God!” Lorenzo groaned in relief. He looked worried, which isn’t an emotion the young man wore more often.
“Are you okay?” Aiku’s voice came from his other side, who was frowning with concern. Snuffy learned that the hand that was poking his cheek was Aiku’s.
“Huh…? Oh… I must have fallen asleep, have I?” he groaned and sat up a little to rub his head.
“You had too much egg nog!” Niko pointed out as he brought over a cup of water. Sendou followed closely beside him and raised an eyebrow.
“It wasn’t much,” he corrected. “How did you fall asleep that deeply?”
“Dunno…” Snuffy murmured as he blinked to get to his bearings. All the Ubers were sitting on the couch beside and around him, except for Niko who had just brought the water, and Barou who was leaning against the back of the couch with his arms crossed.
Snuffy started to remember where he was now. He had invited the Ubers team on a winter holiday as a small break from training constantly. Barou had baked cookies, Lorenzo kept eating the snack, Niko, Aiku and Sendou kept yelling over video games, and Aryu was decorating a batch of Barou’s cookies that had cooled off.
Snuffy must have had spoiled milk or egg nog (according to Niko) which caused him to be sleepy. Or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was the Gaw Gaw just wanting to see him again.
He didn’t want to know.
The blond-haired man sighed and shook his head, putting on his signature calm smile. “I’m alright, though. Thank you for looking out for me. How long was I out?”
“An hour,” Aryu piped up from where he was sitting cross-legged on the armrest of the couch. “You were snoring for a while. Then you started yelling. It was concerning. And un-glam.”
“What?” Snuffy frowned. Aiku nodded beside him. “Yeah it was pretty loud. Lorenzo was the first to notice.”
“Glad I got good ears, huh, uncle?” he smirked and gestured to his ears. Snuffy smiled a bit, but he was still confused.
“Did I disturb anybody? I’m sorry if I have…” he murmured apologetically.
“No, you didn't. Except what you were yelling about.” Niko said. Even though his eyes were covered by his thick mop of hair, Snuffy could see his hands fiddling with worry, a habit he’d grown to notice.
Snuffy’s heart almost stopped when Niko said that though. Pieces of the nightmare he just had were starting to come back to him. He gulped at the thought of it.
“What… What did I say?” he asked quietly.
“You kept apologizing.” Sendou replied. His mouth was turned into a worried pout. The rest of them nodded.
“And you mentioned the Gaw Gaw.” Lorenzo added. His purple eyes flickered with worry and a hint of speculation for what Snuffy might have been dreaming about.
“The Kaw Kaw?” Sendou repeated. “What’s a Kaw Kaw?”
“The Gaw Gaw.” Lorenzo corrected with a finger tapping Sendou’s nose, which the ginger boy wrinkled and glared at. “It’s a sludge monster in Maltese culture,” Lorenzo informed.
Aiku widened his eyes. “Did you have a nightmare, coach?”
Snuffy felt his heart ache and melt at the same time. Here these kids were, trying to comfort him on a holiday that he was supposed to spend with them.
What an irresponsible man I am, he thought.
The man gave a comforting smile and swept his gaze over them all. They were young, but old enough to care, to listen, and to comfort. Snuffy didn’t see why he should lie to them, especially because he prioritized the mental health of every human being. It would be hypocritical to not apply the same to him.
So, he told them.
He told them about the Gaw Gaw, how it feeds off of his guilt from not saving his best friend from the dark thoughts and helplessness that plagued him. He told them about his fear for the future, the fear that someone will turn out the same just like Mick, and the helpless wish that it should have been him who died instead.
Of course, that set the Ubers into a worried and almost angry frenzy.
“You what?! Uncle, no, no! Are you crazy?! You’re amazing!” Lorenzo protested and practically bear hugged Snuffy, who gently patted his back in return.
“It wasn’t your fault that all that happened to your friend,” Aiku reassured with a hand on his shoulder.
“And it’s not on you to take all the guilt for that!” Sendou added, his eyes were filled with tears as he spoke. He was a sensitive young man despite the aloofness he puts on.
“Don’t tarnish your glam friend’s achievements by blaming your glam self, coach!” Aryu declared. “You’re too amazing to give in to despair like this!”
“And if you died instead, none of us would be here.” Niko said in a small voice and curled up beside Snuffy on the couch. The older man felt guilty for telling his dark feelings to the youngest of the bunch, but Niko seemed to appreciate it. “I’m glad you told us. It’s not good to hide feelings, or so I’ve heard.”
Snuffy smiled as all the Ubers members crowded around him, patting his shoulder, arms, some even hugging him, and being extremely empathetic to what Snuffy thought was a pathetic excuse for a man.
All of them except…
“Oi, Snuffy.”
Barou, who was still leaning against the couch but facing the group now gazed at Snuffy with a glare that only the closest to him would know was driven by care.
“Don’t die yet, remember? We have a score to settle.” he muttered gruffly. “And if you do, I’ll follow you to the grief and beat you myself.”
Snuffy chuckled wetly at that, not realising there were tears in his eyes until Barou spoke. He quickly wiped them away. “Thank you. Thanks to all of you. I feel… I feel better now.”
“So glam!” Aryu sighed in relief and struck a stylish pose. “But it seems to me you need a bit more TLC!”
“Hey, we still need to get the cookies Barou-chan put in the oven!” Lorenzo pointed out with a smirk directed at said man, to which Barou growled. “Don’t call me that!”
“Oh, and I’m preparing the hot chocolate!” Aiku added and rushed to get it.
“I’ve Sendou and I queued up the movie.” Niko said as he reached for the remote, still curled up by Snuffy’s side.
“And the popcorn! Don’t forget the popcorn, Maid Barou!” Lorenzo called from across the living room, and he was met with a shout of annoyance from the kitchen.
Before Snuffy realised it, all the teenagers gathered around him squished on the couch. Lorenzo was on his left with the popcorn bowl in his lap, Niko had shifted in Snuffy’s lap, while Aryu sat on Snuffy’s right. Sendou and Aiku sat beside each other on the floor near the couch with pillows and cushions, and Barou got Snuffy’s old rocking chair to sit in like the king he was.
The movie played, the food was passed around, laughter and bickering filled the room, and blankets, pillows and cushions surrounded the little group, making everything feel all cozy.
By the time the movie was over, all the boys had slept, except for Barou, who was grumpily cleaning the food and popcorn off the floor.
Snuffy was about to tell the young man that he should consider sleeping, when Barou looked over at him with a rare calm and gentle look.
“Your friend made his choices. They’re his alone.” Barou murmured. “You have your choices too. So do I, and so do all of us. You don’t need to worry about us. We’ll -I’ll show you- that it’s possible to hold onto selfish dreams.”
Snuffy’s eyes widened a bit at Barou’s sincere words. He had never heard the young man say something so profound, but it stirred up a warm feeling of pride in his chest.
“Alright, Barou. I’ll be competing too.” he replied softly. “Show me that you can change the world.”
And right then, after Barou had cleaned up and fell asleep in a futon right by the couch he snagged from Snuffy’s closet, Snuffy realised that the Gaw Gaw shouldn’t have to keep drowning him anymore.
He would always grieve for Mick. That wouldn’t change. But he also won’t live with the guilt, his guilt, the Gaw Gaw, weighing him down and chaining him to a place far from reaching his dreams.
He’ll break free, face the Gaw Gaw, his guilt, until hopefully on the other side, he’ll see Mick’s familiar, brash and smiling face, opening his arms wide to thank Snuffy for remembering him in good faith.