Chapter Text
Kaecilius had no memory of his life before Mordo found him unconscious and wounded at the steps of one of the sanctuaries. He tried to pry into his subconscious to find any trace of the past, but every time it left him with a sharp painful migraine and a deep sorrowful ache that would not wane for hours. Kaecilius knew there was something missing from his life. Something just out of his reach, something lingering in the corner of his eye. When alone he would find himself turning to talk to someone no longer there, or catch his eyes drifting to the empty chair in his room. The worst parts of his amnesia were the snippets of a life he couldn't grasp. Blue eyes seemed to follow him everywhere, a sharp clever laugh piercing his dreams.
Warmth, so much warmth.
He always tried to chase that warmth only to be plunged into freezing cold waves, wrapped in an echo of an embrace.
He had spoken to The Ancient One and Mordo on multiple occasions, the massive gap in his memories, the dreams... the voices. They had denied knowing but Kaecilius could tell they were lying. A small part of his mind whispered that they were deceiving him. The Ancient One definitely knew something. She had always looked at him with suspicion, waiting for him to trip up or commit some sort of crime. He hated being in the same room as her, he hated the scrutiny. Kaecilius began to resent her for it, every day that passed with her silent judgement. Persecuting him for something he had yet to do. Kaecilius focused more on his studies, diving deeper into more and more taboo topics.
Lately, his dreams have become more vivid. A kaleidoscope of colours painted behind his eyes, stars and fire lighting up the sky, a being standing among them. The Being looked… human. They had swirling blue and green eyes, every angle he looked from, they shifted dancing in the night. The stranger had on human clothes as if they had walked among the people of earth, a plain shirt, trousers and a jacket.They felt known. If Kaecilius didn’t know any better, if he didn’t know secrets of the universe, he would brush this off as his brain creating an illusion of longing. A person created from an amalgamation of people that had crossed his path, but that felt wrong. There was a sharpness in this beings eyes, an awareness, an unforeseen amount of knowledge that Kaicillius knew he didn’t possess yet.
The Being outshone all the stars and colours, but, so far, had done nothing more than stare at him. Sometimes Kaecilius was far away from The Being, sometimes he found himself staring into enormous eyes, The Being so close all he had to do was reach out his hand. Warmth radiated off of them, orange and red fire licking at their dark curls and shoulders.
However, tonight was different. As soon as sleep had befallen him Kaecilius found himself suspended in an endless space, colours twisted around him, mesmerising him. They felt familiar, he stared at the spectral of colours convinced that he could make out something. Like a fire displaying folktales in its flames, only known to those paying close attention and with a willingness to listen to an unforeseen force. He was so distracted trying to figure out what his eyes were perceiving, that he hadn’t noticed The Being appearing in the dreamscape. Not until a deep, powerful, timber voice called out to him.
“#a%%&3al” The Being bellowed.
Kaecilius’ whole body felt taught, like a bow before being fired. His gaze immediately turned to the majestic being, breath abated as he tried to understand the word that was spoken to him. It didn’t sound like any language he was familiar with, it felt like his brain had heard a frequency it didn’t understand and substituted it with a broken sequence of phonetics. Yet, his mind was ahead of him, his lips forming a word while he stood unaware.
“Wi-” Kaecilius breathed, sharply intaking before saying, “Who are you? What is this?”
It seemed to amuse The Being, the fire surrounding them dancing in laughter.
“Your mind.” The Being responded, completely disregarding the first question they were asked. As if an unknown force pulled Kaecilius closer, Kaecilius felt how powerful this being was. Kaecilius’ strength was finite, but this being from beyond was infinite. It was as if their mere voice enraptured his mind more. “We are in your unconscious mind. You are sleeping, yet your mind and soul are active. You are searching.”
Silence surrounded them as Kaecilius tried to understand. All the knowledge that he had been granted while training at the temple evaded him, useless like everyone he had tried to seek help from. He didn't understand. He hadn't for some time and this being was adding more questions, what was he searching for? He so desperately wanted to understand. He felt disjointed, the colours, the memories, the voices, this being, the longing… There was a gaping hole where someone or something belonged. Kaecilius wanted to rid of this feeling, he felt-
“Lonely?” The Being questioned. Leaning closer to Kaecilius, the voice and movement snapping Kaecilius away from his own thoughts. Thoughts that just got spoken outloud, what did this being think it understood? Staring into The Being’s eyes, he felt warmth. His lips parted, holding his breath, as he tried to peer deeper. Eyes are the windows to the soul after all.
His own heart aches. These eyes feel known, as if he had spent years gazing into them.
The Being smirked, their hand reaching forward a single finger extended. Enticing him, urging him, helping him.
“I can fix that.”
The colours that were gentling entwining around them suddenly surrounded The Being, shifting and wrapping it around them. Their pupils suddenly flashing bloody red, and Kaecilius stared at the outstretched finger. His mind blissfully silent, none of the warnings that the Masters of the Mystic Arts had drilled into him even surfacing. He let his heart guide him. This being didn’t feel like it had any ill-intent towards him, it wasn’t like Kaecilius was selling his soul. He wanted answers. That is all he has ever wanted, he wanted to know his own mind, to know who haunted his every moment.
He needed to know.
This was the only soul willing to help him.
Kaicillius slowly reached his hand forward, watching as the colours wrapped around his hand. Entwining them together, the colours almost seemed happy, vibrantly shimmering across the surface of his skin until his hand eventually brushed against this being's hand.
Kaecilius barely got a breath in before colours exploded around him, thousands of images rushing past his eyes.
Warmth enveloping him, he felt on fire yet he wasn’t scared.
He was plummeting, submitting to the lights that streaked past him.
Closing his eyes only for a memory to barrel into him.
Laughter.
Then he felt weightless.
He didn't want to open his eyes. Kaecilius did not want to wake up from this dream, he was so close to finding the answers he had been longing for.
“Hannibal?” an inquisitive voice called out, “Why are you just standing by the fireplace?”