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Yuuri has always had a voice, not his own, inside his head.
As a baby, he is remarkably unfussy compared to his older sister. His parents are relieved and gladly welcome the change after the doctor said, 'he is fine, nothing is wrong, he is just a calm baby', with a smile.
If baby Yuuri were aware, he would said that it is because he always has melodies running through his head when he needs them. A cheery tone when he feels sad, a gentle song when he gets lonely, and a quiet humming of lullaby when he is sleepy.
Time passes and the melodies sometimes transform into light-hearted cheers of ganba when he was learning to sit up and walk, simple Japanese words like kaa-san(mother) and tou-san(father) whenever his parents show up to take care of him, and echoes of a(あ) i(い) u(う) e(え) o(お) whenever his mother points at the hiragana characters.
Luckily he doesn’t understand when the voice groans out kanji is impossible… and he laughs at the weird sounding words.
When the concept of individuality seeps onto Yuuri, he realizes that the voice in his head is not his own, and it is willing to answer when he asks questions.
Quickly, before his parents realize that their son appears to be talking to himself, the voice teaches Yuuri not to talk out loud when he talks to it since it can hear his thoughts just fine when it wants to.
When he gets old enough to start his first day at school, Yuuri almost cries, like several of his future classmates do, because of the idea of being surrounded by other kids he doesn’t know, all by himself, for hours. But the voice tells him Yuuri don’t cry, you’ll see your parents in a few hours, so smile for your mother and say 'see you'.
His teachers aren’t quite sure about leaving a quiet child playing alone to play by himself, but since their encouragements for him to play more with his peers don’t stick, and since he didn’t do anything weird or disturbing and able to keep up with the their lessons just fine and is perfectly polite when needed, they reluctantly decide to focus their attention to other fussier children instead.
When his teachers ask if he is shy in parent-teacher conferences, his parents tell them, we don’t think so, he has always been a quiet child. Had they asked Yuuri instead, his truthful answer would be that he doesn’t need to concentrate on other kids. The voice is perfectly willing to tell him stories, ranging from cute stories about a boy and his honey-bear teddy, to grand stories about a pirate and his monster crew.
To help him with his (presumable) shyness, his mother brings him to a ballet class taught by Minako Okukawa. Yuuri is a bit reluctant, but the voice ecstatically says, Go for it!, so he did.
He does not regret it.
Ballet, while it can be painful, is fun and freeing. As he joyfully hops, step, and twirl to the song in his head, something that looks like approval glints in Minako’s eyes.
Several years later, his classmate Yuuko excitedly drags him to watch a recording of a silver-haired young man. Yuuri is instantly captivated by the beauty the young man radiates on ice, by those intricate step sequences, seamless transitions, and smooth jumps.
When Yuuko asks him, 'Can you do that Yuuri?', he evaluates himself and honestly says in a sad tone, 'Probably not, I haven’t even tries skating', Yuuko’s disappointed 'ouw…' and the unspoken, That’s a shame, resonates with him.
Yuuri is snapped out of his thoughts when he hears a sharp inhale and a quickly spoken ooo, I swear he is more beautiful in real life, no fan art can do him justice, Yuuri frowns a bit and asks, 'What are you saying?', unlike other times, the voice doesn’t translate for him, it just gives a single dry cough and asks, Yuuri, what do you feel about learning ice skating?
It's like Yuuko can hear the voice inside of Yuuri’s head when she says, 'Hasetsu Ice Castle gives a cheaper price for children, why don’t you try it Yuuri?'
When Minako notices her student’s newfound interest (obsession), she asks, 'Do you want to learn ice skating?'
The voice adds It won’t be easy, but I believe if you work for it, Yuuri, you can do everything you see Victor can do, and one day you’ll have the chance to appear on the same ice as him, wouldn’t it be great?
With that, Yuuri falls into the world of ice skating.
Hook
Line
And sinker
If Yuuri thought that ballet was hard then ice skating is hell, in both physically and mentally.
While the voice is content to let things be when he does ballet, it almost becomes a second Minako-sensei on ice. It sets out a rule that when he is skating his routine, he has to focus only on his routine, music, and interpretation.
Any other thoughts, like random musings, and thoughts on other skaters or the audiences, is rewarded with a single sharp clap and a stern Focus, Yuuri.
The new diet plan also isn’t helping Yuuri’s mental health, especially the loss of his much beloved katsudon.
On the top of that, the voice starts urging Yuuri to get out of his comfort zone. Starting from things like learning small talk and trying to befriend other children, to voluntarily performing in front of others.
When Yuuri snaps and mentally cries out a, 'Why? Why are you forcing this on me?' , the last thing he expects is for the dam to break and the voice to rant
Because I believe in you Yuuri
We believe in you Yuuri
There are people who aren’t lucky enough to reach their goal no matter how hard they try
But you're not one of, Yuuri
You, Yuuri, I believe with every shred of my heart that you can do it
One day, you’ll stand at the top and nobody will be able to take their eyes off you
You have the potential, Yuuri
And, for the love of my God, I don’t want you to be stuck crying in a bathroom stall with a random Russian punk kicking the stall door open
That’s what Minako and I are doing, Yuuri, we are preparing you the best we can so that you won’t need to learn that lesson from the harshest teacher they call 'experience'
Yuuri, you have the potential, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have to pay the price to reach the top
That is rude to everyone else
Rude to Minako, rude to me, rude to even Victor Nikiforov whom I believe has been training and trying way harder and way longer than you have
Therefore as long as you’re here, I’m going to prepare you the best I can do, and believe me I won’t let you quit this
So, please, endure, try your best and I guarantee that one day your day will come, okay?
Honestly, most of those words fly above Yuuri’s head, but the sheer conviction and a tad bit of desperation that lacing those words gets to him.
Yuuri bites his lips and quietly asks, 'Do you really believe that I can?'
A resounding,Yes, is his answer.
Yuuri takes a deep breath, exhales and says, 'Alright.'
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It’s that dog……
Yuuri pauses cuddling the super cute, small, brown toy poodle he received from Yuuko when he hears the voice. His repertoire of English words is enough for him to picks up the word dog and the displeased tone makes him frown.
‘You don’t like dogs?’
It’s not like I don’t like dogs… It’s just you… No, dogs have a rather short lifespan…
Yuuri frowns harder, the voice rarely, if never ever, says negative words… A short lifespan is very bad right? Maybe he should return this puppy… But he likes this puppy. It’s so small, cute, friendly, and energetic.
Memento Mori … It's alright, Yuuri, I’m not opposed to you keeping the dog. Rather, because dogs have a short lifespan, you better treat him well okay? Make every moment count
Yuuri gives a small nod.
Okay, now what will you name it? How about Victor? You can call it Vicchan! The voice cheerily suggests.
Yuuri’s face flushes.
In the end, the name stuck.
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“Minako-sensei, can you introduce me to someone who can make music?”
Minako blinks, when she asked Yuuri what he wanted for his program’s music, she hadn’t quite expected Yuuri to ask that question.
“Do you want me to help finding one?” She tries, 'Maybe he just can’t find something he likes?'
Yuuri shake his head, “I already have the lyrics and tune in my head. All that’s left is to get it out - make it real.”
Half an hour of 'Prove it', a grilling session, and tons of white-lies later, Minako gives her contact from her old ballet days a call.
Weeks later, instead of one song, Yuuri gets one album and a long-term contract regarding copyright, album sales, and profit cut.
Yuuri is grateful for that. Skating is rather expensive after all.
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Yuuri wins gold in the Japan Junior Figure Skating Championship.
He holds back his tears and smiles as he receives the certificate. It is half in joy and half in relief, 'Oh, so I can do it. All I’ve been doing is not wasted after all.'
The voice says nothing, but Yuuri thinks he can feel a joyful warmth in his chest.
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Having a voice inside your head that doesn’t mind translating for you is a serious life-saver when you’re suddenly uproot yourself hometown and move to Detroit.
“Yuuri, this is Phichit Chulanont. Phichit, Yuuri Katsuki”, Celestino introduces them, “From now on, you both will be roommates and rink-mates.”
From now on, you both will be roommates and rink-mates
Phichit puts his hands together and says, “Sawasdee Krab”
It means 'hi' in Thailand.
Yuuri gives a small bow, “Hello, nice to meet you.”
Yuuri politely surveys his new roommate. The dark-skinned boy looks nice with kind smiles on his face.
“Yuuri, I’ll be back around 8 PM. Get comfortable and tell me later if you need anything. Phichit, show Yuuri around will ya?”, Celestino points to Phichit, then to Yuuri and makes a circling motion.
Phichit seems to get the general gist of it, “Okay coach”
I’ll be back around 8 PM. Get comfortable and tell me later if you need anything. Phichit, show Yuuri around will ya – 'ya' is an informal way of saying you
Yuuri gives another small bow, “Thank you”
Celestino grins, “No problem. You don’t need to be so formal though.”
No problem. You don’t need to be so formal though – American people, they don’t have the habit of bowing
As Celestino leaves, Phichit takes out his cellphone, “So, new roommate? Cheers! Selfie?”
“Eh? Ah, okay.”
That night, a thoroughly exhausted Yuuri flops half-dead onto his bed. The sheer amount of English he has heard and used today is probably greater than what he had in previous year combined. While he cheats greatly in reading and listening, speaking is still another thing altogether.
Well, it is a good thing that I can’t get thirsty. That aside, I’m pretty sure immersion is a great way of learning a language… Maybe I should stop translating for you tomorrow… Or better yet, should I speak English to you too?
Yuuri mentally groans, ‘Please don’t’.
The voice hums, But you know, you really should learn it soon. I can’t hear you when I don’t want to, and I’m pretty sure you’ll want your privacy if you snag an American boyfriend or two and get… busy with them.
Yuuri’s face burns and he mentally wails, ‘There are so many things wrong with that sentence!!!’
I’m dead serious
Yuuri inhales, then mentally counts backward from 10, and replies, ‘You can’t win an argument against stupid people. They will just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.’
… Savage … I don’t remember raising you to be such person, Yuuri
... Yuuri?
Yuuuuriiii
Yuuri ignores the voice and goes to sleep.
Apparently, the voice decides that if Yuuri is savage enough to use its own words against it, then he can survive immersion in America.
After a so-called one-week-immersion-trial, the voice decides that immersion is working well, and enjoys Yuuri sinking in the sea of English language. Still, the voice occasionally throws translation life-floats for important matters.
The next 6 months of Yuuri’s stay in Detroit definitely consists of way more sink than swim.
Phichit often finds his best-friend writing in a book in Japanese. Yuuri does that on weekly basis. Initially, Phichit guesses that it is a diary, but bullet points are a format for a diary, plus Yuuri doesn’t bother hiding it.
Curiosity wins over politeness, and Phichit asks, “What is that?”
Yuuri pauses to show his writing to Phichit, “Self-assessment”, he says then he points to the left page, “My strength”, then the right page, “My weakness”.
“So that I don’t lose sight of my value”, Yuuri says, sounding like he is quoting someone.
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The fact that Yuuri’s chosen theme for the upcoming season is about [Homesickness] is rather predictable, if not fitting.
While he does win gold at the Japan Junior Figure Skating and the World Junior Figure Skating, he only places 6th in the Japan Senior Figure Skating due to the lack of quads. It was expected, but not really welcome.
Celestino encourages him by saying, 'Not only is this your first time in the Senior Figure Skating, but you also need to adjust both your new living condition and college, and, You’re still young. You have lots of time to learn.'
Yuuri nods and promises to work hard.
As a side note, some parties on social media praise him for his touching and really makes me want to go home performance.
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His silver in the current season’s Four Continents is apparently enough to give him a ticket to Grand Pix. To his dying day, Yuuri will deny that he had gasped and made a deer-in-the-headlight face when he saw his and Victor Nikoforov’s names in the NHK Trophy roster together.
Phichit unsuccessfully hides his snickers , and Yuuri suddenly realizes that his best - friend had recorded his reaction.
“Phichit, don’t!”, Yuuri yells as he dives for the damned phone.
Phichit doesn ’t even bother hiding his snickers now as he evades Yuuri while saying, “Don’t worry, it’s quite the normal reaction, pfft ! ”
He gestures to the multitude of posters decorating Yuuri’s side of the room.
If Yuuri’s face wasn ’t burning before, it certainly is now, “Don’t! Please, pleaseeeee, I beg youuuu”
Phichit, with all his (self-proclaimed) kindness, generosity, and wisdom, did not post the video online. But he does refuse to delete it, even in exchange for a home-made Japanese cooking dish.
Victor thinks that the blushing , Asian teen is rather cute as he indulgently gives him his autograph.
After a slightly accented, “Thank you very much!”, and a bow, the teen quickly leaves and Victor continues walking.
“Did you know who he is Vitya?”, Yakov asked.
“Nope~”
Yakov huff, “Katsuki Yuuri, last season’s World Junior Figure Skating gold and this season’s Four Continents silver. He is also competing in the NHK this year.”
“ Heeeh”, Victor is unrepentant.
“One of these days, your ignorance of your competitors will cost you.”
“Yakov, you always worry too much! That ’s why your hair is thinning.”
“You are the one who makes me worry!”
Victor just laughs.
Celestino contemplates Yuuri's SP yesterday and FS today. Yuuri really has a way of drawing people’s eyes. He flubs his quads, but his steps, spins and gestures really make it seem like he has music inside his body.
‘Given some time, he can become a good competitor’, Celestino thinks as he looks at a smiling Victor Nikiforov with his gold medal, ‘It’s too bad what he has is not enough for today.’
Katsuki Yuuri places 4th in the NHK Trophy.
Yuuri’s 7th place in the Rostelecom doesn’t qualify him for the Grand Prix Final.
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Phichit worriedly looks at his best friend. Yuuri has been staring at his self-assessment book for hours. The right page, “Weaknesses ”, is cramped full with writings, while the left side, “Strengths ”, only has a few lines.
“Yuuri, it’s lunch time ! Let ’s grab something to eat”, Phichit offers.
Yuuri solemnly shakes his head and grips his pen tighter, “Sorry, Phichit, I’ll pass… There is a voice inside my head that is prohibiting me from leaving until this page is full.”
“…I’ll bring back some take out for you. What do you want ? ”
Yuuri gives him a small, painful smile, and thanks him softly .
Phichit comes back with some chicken soup, only to pause when he finds Yuuri smiling at his reflection on the mirror and says, "I love you".
Yuuri’s horrified, “This isn’t what it looks like!”, doesn’t quite help ease Phichit’s worry for his friend.
When Celestino asks him what music he will use next, Yuuri chooses another rather new song produced by the same artist he has always chosen his songs from.
“You really like that artist, don’t you, Yuuri?”, Celestino makes an offhand comment. That artist’s songs are not only good, but also widely diverse, something rather rare in the world where artists usually pick one genre and stick to it.
Yuuri’s smile is more curved on one side, “Yes, it is like the music comes straight from my head.”
Celestino nods then stares hard at Yuuri’s eyes, “Can you win?”
Just like the previous years, Yuuri gives him an objective answer, “This time I’ll definitely get a spot in the GPF. As for winning, my skill level is still far below Victor Nikiforov’s, so winning is improbable, but I’ll do my best.”
Unless he can also do quadruple flips, winning against Victor Nikiforov is a matter of praying for his idol to fail – not a worthy or right mindset.
Celestino senses that his student has plenty of motivation. He firmly pats Yuuri’s shoulder and says, “Good! Let’s work with that.”
“Thank you very much , coach!”, Yuuri gives a bright smile.
My theme for this year is [Process]
Last season’s outcome was worse than I expected.
I was honestly disappointed with myself .
But someone gave me a days - long berating , and…
In the end, I realized something which should’ve been obvious .
Winning is not everything .
Winning is a reward for all the effort you placed into the competition,
But that doesn’t mean that not winning makes your effort futile .
The hours that I have spent practicing are not a waste.
Rather, they are part of a precious journey.
[Process] means that I’m still trying , and , while I’m not there yet ,
Through [Process], tomorrow I will be better than today .
I would like to show that to everyone who is supporting me.
Eh, who is that person?
An important person who has been supporting me for a very long time .
Girlfriend? No, no such thing . Um, let’s just say it is someone whose voice I can hear inside my head *nervous laugh*
The reporters and media thinks Yuuri is being purposely secretive.
The voice thinks that Yuuri needs to learn how to lie better.
Yuuri thinks that maybe he should’ve said less.
The Grand Prix roster comes with a bag of mixed feelings.
This time, Yuuri will be competing in the Cup of China and, as if mocking him, the Rostelecom Cup.
Look at the bright side, the voice starts, this way you could get your ‘revenge'
Yuuri nods.
After you do that, you’ll also earn your ticket to the finals, then you can see Victor
Yuuri grips his phone tighter.
And maybe ask for his phone number?
Yuuri’s face flushes, and he mentally panics, ‘What are you talking about?!’
If you see someone you like, shouldn’t you ask for their phone number? Honestly Yuuri, hasn’t Detroit taught you anything about that?
‘It’s different!’
How so?
‘Because he is Victor Nikiforov?’
… I know that you really idolize that guy, and that I’m half-guilty for making you idolize him even further by making him one of your sources of motivation…
Yuuri waits for the voice to continue and get to its point.
But, Yuuri, Victor Nikiforov is human.
Yuuri frowns, ‘No shit, Sherlock’
Applying cold water to the burnt area – no. Yuuri, I’m being serious here. Victor Nikiforov is human with his own faults and personality. If you want a chance to have something with him, you need to stop projecting your idolization onto him and start seeing him for who he is
‘I really don’t get you sometimes. Besides, what makes you think I want to have anything with him?’, Yuuri says defensively.
Haha, very funny. I’m rolling my eyes
‘You don’t have eyes.’
I’m mentally rolling my eyes
‘…’
… *sigh*, you used to be such a cute little boy who adored and respected me…
‘That was before you said that I needed to grow up to be a katsudon.’
It’s for your own good, Yuuri.
‘A super tasty katsudon that enthralls men.’
Again, for your own good.
Yuuri makes frustrated noises.
*longer sigh* One day, you’ll understand that I’m trying my best to help you. Back to the topic – basically, the idea is that you go win the Rostelecom and ask Victor for his phone number, or else I’ll marathon the most obnoxious song I know for a month straight in my loudest mental volume
‘I already know that you’re always helping me, and I know I wouldn’t have gotten here without your help’, Yuuri places his palm on top of his eyes, ‘but sometimes I wish that you would make more sense, or at least explain why you say those kinds of things.’
Just think of me as random and insane then. Sanity is soooo overrated! Strangely, the voice sounds happy when it says that.
Yuuri smiles wryly, ‘There, another of your non-sense dodging.’
The voice hums a random melody.
Yuuri takes a deep breath. Their banter helps distract his mind from thinking negatively, ‘At any rate, the goal is clear. Give my best shot, get the medal, get a GPF spot, and get Victor Nikiforov’s phone number, right?’ He says, adding the last part in good humor.
That’s the spirit~