Archive of Our Own

Dawn’s life had gone to hell since Buffy came back. She thought maybe this was her punishment for being the key, being not real. For being the one who was supposed to have jumped.
When Buffy had jumped, Dawn had been devastated, her sister was gone. Mom and Buffy both gone, she had no one. But she’d had Spike, he had been her lifeline.
The scoobies had always been too busy for her, she’d thought it was because they couldn’t bear looking at her, because it should've been her who had jumped. Buffy should have been there with them, not her, not the key. This key that they didn’t really know but had been forced upon them.
That probably was partly why, but she’d discovered later that the real reason was that they had been spending all their time and energy working on a resurrection plan.
So while they had refused to grieve, Spike and Dawn had done. After some time Dawn had decided to do what her sister had asked to do and live. She spent all her time with Spike. In the days she would go to his crypt and they’d play cards, he’d tell her scary stories, and they’d watch passions. And talk, they’d make each other laugh a lot, they’d laugh only with each other.
Sometimes she’d go there too early and he’d be asleep, she’d sneak down quietly and sit next to him as he peacefully slept. She’d admire his pretty face, a face way too pretty to be human, but too pretty to be a demon. Later he’d walk her home and make some excuse to why he should come in. Once he was there the scoobies would clear out. He’d help her make boxed mac and cheese, or frozen pizza, and cookies, he made sure she knew how to make cookies because she loved them and there was no one to make them for her anymore. Then they’d get on the couch under a blanket and watch Dawson's Creek or the OC, sometimes a movie. She’d always end up snuggling up to him, sometimes he’d even let her hold his hand, he’d stroke her hair.
Sometimes he painted her nails and she’d get butterflies when he held her hands and blew on her fingertips. When he’d make fun of her for wearing too much red lip gloss she’d kiss his arm or his hand playfully and leave red lip marks on him, he’d act annoyed but he’d never wipe them off.
Sometimes she’d fall asleep and he’d carry her to bed, she’d wake up to find him watching her, and gently stroking her hair . When they were watching tv and he would lean back and close his eyes, she would trace words on his skin with her finger, just on his arm, nowhere else and she’d write ‘I love you’ and draw hearts and stuff on him. he just kept his eyes closed and let her write on him with her fingertips.
One night she asked him if he wished she had jumped, that she knew everyone else wished she had. She remembered word for word what he told her that night. He said,
“i’m gonna tell you a secret sweet bit. Buffy being gone hurts, hurts like a drill to the gut. But if it had been you, I wouldn’t be here. If you'd fallen I would’ve held your body under that tower until the sun came up and took me with you.”
“Because of your promise?” She’d asked.
“No” he told her, with no other explanation and walked out of the room.
Ever since that night she would test him now and then, tell him he didn’t need to stay with her, that he’d kept his promise and she was safe. He’d get so mad, she didn’t like making him mad but it made her feel good knowing that he was there for her. Not because of a promise, not because of Buffy, but just for her.
She felt like she finally had someone that was just hers, and it just so happened to be the person she was in love with, always had been. He never did anything wrong, never touched her in that way. But Dawn was sure that something was there, sometimes he would squeeze her and sniff her so hard like she was his lifeline too. Sometimes when he had come to say goodnight to her in bed, he’d stare down at her and stroke her face, he’d look into her eyes for a few seconds too long for it to mean nothing. Then he’d dart out the room, without a word. She felt that if she was older it would be different. Maybe he just needed time.

There was no time though, Willow and her magicks made sure of that. Dawn was happy to have her sister back, she loved Buffy. No matter what she loved her, she was her sister, her hero.
But when she saw Spike’s face at the bottom of the stairs looking up at Buffy for the first time her world fell from under her.
Spike distanced himself from her since that day, it was like she meant nothing to him. Like they’d never gotten close, as if she didn’t need her lifeline anymore. He’d come around sometimes but never when it was just her, and he wouldn’t look at her.

Her sister hated being back, she hardly looked at Dawn either. Only when she was faking being the caring parental figure. Dawn started skipping school, she’d go to the mall and steal. She got herself a whole new wardrobe. It had been Spike who had taught her how to steal. She knew now though if he found out he’d yell at her and act disappointed. He was Buffy’s whipping boy now.
She wanted to be different so she stole tight skirts, halter necks, tube tops, ripped jeans, short leather jackets and cropped denim jackets, high heels. And she had every shade of red lip gloss and nail polish. She hid it all in a box in her closet, waiting for the perfect day to reveal the new Dawn.
Janice’s boyfriend got them fake ID’s.
Dawn didn’t use them for clubbing like they had planned. She thought alcohol was for losers, apart from Spike she liked the smell of whiskey on his mouth. Didn’t want to smell it on anyone else. She built up her courage and went and got a tattoo.
A key, on the back of her neck. When Buffy saw it she went crazy, grounded her forever. Yeah right, like Buffy would ever know if she was home or not.
Buffy came home in the little hours of the morning, she always smelled like grease and Spike. And she had the nerve to be miserable. Dawn couldn’t stand her anymore. Couldn’t look at another DMP burger without throwing up.
So she kept sneaking out.
Dawn ended up expelled from school, she’d skipped so much and been caught smoking in the bathroom too many times. She smoked menthols now, they made her feel safe and not so alone.
Buffy cried and cried and acted all disappointed and said she didn’t know who Dawn was anymore, as if she ever did. No one knew the real Dawn. Most of the time they’d had together hadn’t been real, it was all fake memories. The only one who really knew her was Spike.
Buffy grounded her again, as if she’d forgotten that she’d already grounded her.
That night Dawn sneaked out, after months of not taking that route she walked to Spike’s crypt. She opened the door slowly and crept in. What she saw made her heart stop. Buffy, topless on top of him. Her head thrown back while Spike kissed her neck. Dawn let out a sob and ran. She heard them both shout, and it sounded like Buffy hit him. But really all she could hear was her heart beating in her ears, she ran and ran not caring if some big nasty got her.
So that’s why he didn’t come to Dawn anymore; he was screwing Buffy. Dawn didn’t want to see either of them ever again, she knew they’d be looking for her right now though so she just kept running. Couldn’t look at them, couldn’t let them see her hurt.
Sh got to a pay phone and she called the only person she could think of, Connor. They’d been talking the last few months, emailing. Sometimes they called each other to talk. She knew he liked her, but she already told him about her feelings for Spike. He was the only one in the world who knew and he’d help her. They were both freaks. Angel had told Buffy about his son when she has returned from the grave, and they had been happy when Dawn and him became friends. Both were loners, both had never really been kids, no one got them. Connor even got the Spike thing, he’d had a thing for Cordelia and so did his dad. He’d even slept with her when she was possessed but he hadn’t known she was, he thought she’d liked him. Luckily Willow had saved the day or Cordelia would be dead now from whatever had been inside her. Connor understood her pain. Lucky for him he’d gotten over his crush and they were all a happy weird family now. That, would not happen with Dawn.
She was breathing heavy and her hand was shaking as she dialled the number.
“Hello?” He answered
“Connor” Dawn sobbed
“Dawn, what's wrong?” He asked, “are you in trouble?”
“Yes” she whimpered, “Connor, do you think your dad would let me come and stay there for a while?”
“Dad!” Connor called, “of course he will Dawn, you know he will.”
“Whats going on Connor?” She heard Angel ask.
“Let me talk to him” Dawn asked.
“Dawn? Is everything alright over there?” Angel asked, sounding afraid.
“Angel, please can I stay with you?” She sobbed “I promise i’ll be good. I won't be any trouble. I can’t stay here anymore, and I don’t have anywhere else to go.” She asked him through panicked breaths and tears.
“I’m getting in the car now. I’ll come and pick you up. It’ll be ok, just calm down Dawn ok?”
“Ok” she agreed, trying to control her breathing.
Angel was aware of the Sunnydale sitch, he had known that Buffy was spiralling, not handling being brought back well and he’d always had a soft spot for Dawn. It had only grown since he had his own kid and they were the same age. He would never refuse her a safe sanctuary.
“Is it urgent? Do I need to ignore the speed limit?” Angel asked.
“Yes, hurry.” she pleaded
“Alright, just over an hour. Hold on Dawnie” he promised.
Dawn ran home, she knew they wouldn’t be there yet. They’d be outside looking for her. Wouldn’t expect her to go home.
When she ran in the house, Tara was there.
“Dawnie” she breathed out sounding relieved, she tried to hug her but Dawn just ran up the stairs.
Tara followed behind her looking worried, when Dawn started pulling out suitcases she tried to grab her.
“Get off me” Dawn yelled.
“Dawnie, you’re frightening me. What are you doing?”
“Im moving out, Angel’s coming to get me”
Tara just looked on sadly as Dawn pulled out all her stolen clothes, shoes, makeup and jewellery and packed it in the suitcases. Dawn picked up a picture of her and Buffy, and threw it against the wall smashing it. She ripped off her Dawn necklace that Buffy had given her and threw it down. At the back of her closet was a shoebox full of jelly candy, Spike always got them for her, to make her smile “sweets for my sweet bit” he’d say. Always the haribo heart ones and the cherry lips ones. She never ate them, she kept every bag. She opened every packet, threw them on the floor and stomped on them.
She packed her her old walkman, and some cassettes. Those were the only things she took that weren’t new and stolen, she’d raided Victorias Secret so many times that she had enough PJs, underwear and cosmetics to fill a whole case so she didn’t need any of her fake stuff that wasn’t really hers to begin with.
She took her stash of money that she’d been saving. All her birthday and Christmas money, she’d saved it every year since forever. It was as if she or more likely the monks had known that she would have to run away one day, they’d known that her rainy day would come and it would pour. Damn those monks to hell for forcing her into this God forsaken life.
She let out a scream and knocked her vanity over, the mirror smashing and jewellery flying everywhere.
Tara was crying too now and she grabbed her, pulling her down on the bed.
Dawn sobbed silently shaking and let Tara hold her and pet her.
Just under an hour later Spike ran up the stairs panting, he stood in the door and looked around the room, at the mess, the candy, the suitcases.
“Dawn”
“Get out” she answered, burying her face in Taras shoulder.
“Can’t do that” he said slowly, still breathing heavy, “what's with the cases?”
“I said get out”
“D-Dawn’s going to stay with Angel and his team for a while.” Tara said.
“Like hell she is” Spike growled.
“I-I think it’s best we let Dawn take a breather Spike” she said firmly.
He came forward kneeling in the broken glass in front of her.
“Look at me sweet bit” he pleaded
“I don’t ever wanna look at you again” Dawn hissed out, “get out or i’ll scream”
“S-Spike maybe you should go” Tara said, holding Dawn tighter.
“Please niblet. Don’t go.” He pleaded.
The sincerity in his voice made her look at him, he was there on his knees pleading with her, he looked into her eyes and he looked so lost it almost made her want to say ok and throw herself into his arms.
Then Buffy came charging up and he stood up and stepped back. Dawn hardened her face and told him “get out”.
“What the hell is going on?” Buffy demanded.
Dawn picked up her suitcases and dragged them right past her, “I’m moving in with Angel, he’s picking me up.”
Buffy gasped and stepped back like Dawn had slapped her.
Dawn shook her head, was Buffy really surprised and hurt that didn’t want to be here anymore. Could she really be that stupid?
“Dawn what’s happening? What’s happened to you? ” Buffy asked, following her down the stairs.
“You should be happy Buffy, you have everything. And now you don’t have to have to worry about your delinquent sister.” Dawn said, pulling her cases out onto the front porch.
“Dawn, whatever’s happened. I love you, you’re my sister.” Buffy told her, but it just sounded hollow in Dawns ears.
“You don’t even know me” Dawn whispered.
She still had never ending silent tears streaming down her face.
“I’m trying” Buffy said, exasperatedly.
“Well don’t.” Dawn hissed, “just get out of my face, I don’t want to look at you ever again” her voice was getting loud.
Tara came out and put a hand on her shoulder. “Angel just called to say he’s five minutes away.”
Buffy sighed, “fine. Go with Angel.” She said, “I’m obviously not enough for you.” She walked back into the house.
Tara just stroked her back, “I wish I could make everything better for you” she said, her eyes tearing up.
Dawn put her head on her shoulder, and waited for Angel.
As soon as the car pulled up Spike ran out.
“Don’t go with him” he said, grabbing Dawn's arms
“Don’t touch me, you make me sick” she pulled away from him, and he flinched. Hurt.
Good, let him hurt, Dawn thought. It broke her heart though and she broke down in tears again.
“I’m sorry” she cried, she put her arms around his waist and hugged him one last time.
“Don’t go” he whispered shakily stroking her hair.
“I have to” she said, then she pulled away, ran to the car and got in.
Angel got out and got her suitcases, putting them in the back. She saw Spike glowering at him the whole time and Tara standing in front of him talking in her calm way, probably convincing him that attacking wouldn’t help anything.
“Ready?” Angel asked when he got in the car:
“Yeah, thanks” she nodded.
“Got you some snacks on the way” he said, handing her a bag.
“Thanks” she said softly.
She appreciated that he didn’t push her to talk, didn’t ask her what had happened.
She looked through the bag and found funions, a hershey bar and some orange soda. Another tear fell down her face. Spike would’ve gotten her cookies, Haribo’s and a diet Coke. There was no one who knew what she liked anymore.
She slept the whole way to LA.
“We’re here Dawnie” Angel said, tapping her shoulder when they reached the hotel.
“Oh, sorry I’m a crappy roadtrip partner”
“Not at all, you’re obviously exhausted. You can get all the rest you want here.” He smiled.
They went inside, Angel carrying Dawns cases, everyone was sitting around the reception.
Connor ran over and hugged her, it felt nice to be welcome and wanted.
“You’ll be alright with us” he said, smiling down at her.
She hugged Cordelia and Wesley who both went on about how much she’d grown up and how tall and pretty she was now.
Then she was introduced to Gunn, Fred and Lorne. They seemed really nice. Especially Lorne, Dawn always ended up gravitating to the demons. He reminded her of Clem a bit. Big, jolly and friendly. She’d miss Clem, she should’ve said goodbye to him.

Connor and Angel showed her to her room, it was nice. They’d fixed up the place nicely since Angel had started to repair his relationship with his son.
Dawn's room was fine for her, clean and simple. Fluffy white duvet and pillows on a double bed, a wooden wardrobe with a mirror on the door, a chest of drawers, and a bedside table with a lamp.
“It’s perfect. Thank you” she said.
“I know its not exactly a fun teenage girls room so if you want to do anything with it you can.” Angel told her.
“That’s ok, i’m not looking for fun. Just somewhere comfy and peaceful.”
“Well it’s yours,” he nodded, “there’s a bathroom at the end of the hall, no one uses that one so you can feel free to keep your bathroom stuff of whatever in there too.” He said.
“Thanks”
“You want company while you’re unpacking?” Connor asked.
“Yeah sure.” She smiled
Angel left them to it and said he’d order pizza.
“Dawn unpacked everything and put it all away in the cupboard and drawers. She lined all her shoes up against the wall under the window, and she was done.
She sat down on the floor next to Connor where he was leaning on the bottom of the bed.
“It’s good to see you in the flesh, you’re even prettier than the photos. Sorry, I’m not hitting on you or anything. I know the deal with you, i’m just saying you’re beautiful and that guys a jerk.”
She smiled softly and put her head on his shoulder. Why couldn’t Spike see her the way Connor did?.
“You wanna tell me what happened, what made you run?” He asked quietly.
“I walked in on him screwing my sister” she whispered.
Connor just sighed and put an arm around her, “like I said, jerk.”
They sat there quietly for a while till Cordelia called up that it was time to come and eat.
Connor took her down to a dining room, where everyone was sitting around a big table. They had ordered ten pizzas and two of every side.
“I didn’t know what you liked, so I just got some of everything.” Angel said, sheepishly shrugging.
“Thanks, luckily i’m starving” she smiled.
Dawn started to dig in, she wasn’t like Buffy. When her sister was stressed which was always, a fat free yogurt would keep her the whole day. Dawn liked to eat, she didn’t nibble, she feasted. It made her feel better.
The phone rang and Cordelia went to answer it.
She came back a few minutes later, “it’s Buffy for you” she told Dawn.
“I don’t wanna talk to her” she said
So Angel got up and took the call, he was gone for a while and didn’t say a word about it when he came back.
After food Dawn was tired, she felt drained. This whole night had felt like a week. She said goodnight to everyone, went upstairs and changed into her new silky VS pjs. No one here would ask her where she got them, she was the new Dawn now.

Spike was on his third bottle of whiskey. Couldn’t get drunk enough to make Dawn's face when she’d seen him and Buffy together vanish from his head.
She’d looked betrayed, hurt, and disgusted.
He’d ran her off, off to Angelus of all people. The story of Spikes life.
The sane part of him knew it was Angel, not Angelus and he was trying to protect Dawn not hurt Spike. He wouldn’t hurt her, would treat her like a kid, like his own kid. And that’s what Dawn needed, not him, not the slayer. Not this hell they were living in. It still hurt though. Shouldn’t hurt, she’s not mine, Spike told himself.
This was what he’d wanted after all. He’d distanced himself from her, tried to cut her out of his heart. She was just a kid, the slayers kid sister and he’d gotten much too close to her, too attached to her. It wasn’t right. So he threw himself into the slayer, let her use his dead body for cold comfort and let her beat the crap out of him because she needed it and he deserved it.
Never wanted Dawn to leave though. His sweet bit, he just wanted her to be safe, and live like a girl her age should. Spending months cooped up in the dark with a demon like him can’t have been good for her.
He’d been selfish, he’d never pushed her away. He should’ve pushed her into the light, made her go out with her friends. He should’ve told the witches to keep a closer eye on her, that she was getting improperly close to him, maybe they could’ve eased her away from him.
But he’d needed her. Her sweetness, her smiles, her little finger doodles on his arm they’d meant the world to him. The way she’d innocently blush when he tucked her hair behind her ear, her heart would pound so fast but she wouldn’t look away from his eyes. Her big wide blue eyes, so full of trust and acceptance. She should’ve been terrified of him, but she never was. Not a lick of fear in that girl, she felt safe with him. And he felt more protective over her than he did of anyone. And now she was gone, she was under Angels protection now. He didn’t know whether he wanted to stake his grandesire or thank him.
So he kept drinking.
When the slayer came over all teary eyed, he clumsily threw her down and shagged her hard into the ground, hand around her throat till she could barely breathe and she let him. When he was done he didn’t wait for her to get all prissy and act like she always did. He rolled off her and told her to get the fuck out.
She didn’t say a word for once, she just ran.
That’s who he was, and that wasn’t what Dawn needed. The slayer needed it. She was made to roll in the dirt with the likes of him, his sweet bit wasn’t. She was pure, loving, and gentle. Everything that they weren’t. He hoped they hadn’t broken her, seeing her room smashed up like that and her tear stained face was like a nightmare. When she said he made her sick it hurt more than a hundred of the slayers punches to the nose. But she wasn’t broken, because it had hurt her too. She was sorry as soon as she’d said it. Couldn’t break her, her heart was too pure. It’s good she’s gone, he thought as he fell asleep on the cold ground, a half bottle of whiskey in his hand and his jeans still around his knees.

Dawn woke up the next day to someone knocking on her door.
“I’m up’ Dawn called, not sure why anyone would want her to be up.
The door opened and Cordelia stuck her head in.
“Morning, can I come in?”
“Sure”
Cordelia came in and sat on the edge of the bed, smiling warmly at her.
“So, whats up?” Dawn asked
“Look” Cordelia sighed, “I don’t know what’s going on, but I know guy trouble when I see it and I am so not going to let you sit up here crying and pining. Get dressed, you’re coming with me. We’ll get frappes and fresh air. Us Sunnydale girls weren’t made for brooding honey, we fight back and we look good while we do it. Get up.” Cordelia told her, patting her leg.
“Ok” Dawn smiled, nodding.
“Good, come down when you’re ready.”
Dawn went to the bathroom and freshened up, she looked in the mirror and saw how swollen and red her eyes still were. She scrubbed and scrubbed with her peach face wash and a cloth till she felt fresh. She remembered Spikes eyes when she left, she could’ve sworn his eyes were wet. Stop it Dawn, she told herself. He’s happy, probably spent the night comforting Buffy.
She went back to her room and put on a pair of grey skinny jeans, a black t shirt , a pair of black platforms and a small black crossbody bag. She slipped some cash and lip balm inside, brushed her hair and left.
“Much better, maybe we’ll work up to a bit of makeup tomorrow, then we can start adding colors to your life” Cordelia said when she saw Dawn.
“She doesn’t need makeup” Connor said, coming in from the kitchen.
“I agree” Angel said
“Boys” Cordelia said, rolling her eyes, “they’re such bores.”
Dawn just smiled.
“So where are you off to?” Connor asked.
“We’re off to do girlie things mr,” Cordelia stated, leaving no room for invitation, “you and your dad are gonna man the phone line”
“Oh ok, have fun.”
“Thanks” Dawn said
They waved goodbye and left.
“So what are we doing?” Dawn asked as they walked down the street.
“Dawn, Angel’s going to treat you like a baby, so will Wesley, because you’re Buffy’s sister. But i’m not. How old are you now?”
“I’ll be seventeen next month”
“So you’re just over a year younger than I was when I moved here. We’ve a lot more in common than you think. My daddy screwed me over, I was left with no family, no nothing and a broken heart after the whole Xander being a big cheater thing , and I ran away from Sunnyhell and came here.”
Dawn nodded, she’d heard about that.
“What you’ve got that I didn’t have when I came here, is me” Cordelia grinned, “and my first advice is get a job. Away from the hotel, away from world savage and vampires and demons. Something thats just yours, get some cash in your pocket that’s yours and have a thing that you do that’s yours.”
“That sounds like a good idea. But I don’t know if i’m good at anything. I mean apart from researching and translating. I’m pretty good with the latin and stuff, and I know quite a bit about magic and spells now.”
Cordelia crossed her arms and arched her brow, "that's what i’m talking about, that shouldn’t be your life Dawn. You need your own thing, or it’ll make you crazy. Believe me.”
“Yeah, I do.” She said
“Good, come on there’s the coffee place. They have the best frappes.”
They got some caramel frappe’s and walked around for a while. Dawn kept her eyes open for job vacancy signs but all she was seeing was waitresses wanted. Dawn refused to follow in Buffys footsteps. Cordelia was right, she needed her own thing.
They just crossed the river and Dawn saw a wanted sign in a bakery window.
“That’s something I wish I could do.” She sighed.
She remembered baking cookies with Spike and how fun it had been. She loved the smell of baked goods, made her feel warm. Dawn loved making stuff, everyone always made fun of her experiments and creations in the kitchen but none of them ever took the time to teach her how to do it properly.
“Hello, earth to Dawn?”
“Sorry, just dreaming” Dawn said, Cordelia had obviously been saying something.
“Geez, don’t get all weepy about a bakery job. Put your prettiest smile on” she said, pulling her in the bakery door, “watch and learn” she said.
Twenty minutes later they left the bakery with a big bag of cakes and donuts and Dawn had a job.
“You are awesome” Dawn laughed. Cordelia had just talked and flirted her way into getting the owner to take Dawn on as a trainee baker’s assistant.
“The gift of the gab, learned that from an old Irish friend of mine.” Cordelia winked.
They were actually going to teach her how to bake and pay her. There would be a lot of boring labour, lifting things, passing things, cleaning up after the actual bakers but she would learn. She felt good about it already.
“Thanks Cordelia”
“You’re welcome.” Cordelia beamed, “you need your own thing, something to throw yourself into.”
“Yeah, you’re right”’ Dawn agreed, linking her arm with Cordelias. She was really glad Corelia was here with her, the scoobies had never liked her and Buffy had always been jealous of her but Dawn liked her, she was a little like Spike in the way that she didn’t talk to Dawn like she was a kid. She spoke to her like a friend and said things straight, no sugar coating. It made Dawn comfortable.
When they got back to the hotel Fred was on reception, Gunn and Connor were training with swords, and Angel and Wesley were sitting in the office drinking tea and blood, going through some papers.
“We need to celebrate” Coedelia announced as they walked in, “you’re looking at the only one of us who has a real job that doesn’t involve killer migraines, blood or demon goo!” She beamed pointing at Dawn.
“Oh that is a cause for celebration, congratulations!” Fred clapped
Gunn and Connor both ran over and gave her a hug, Connor spun her round making her laugh.
Angel and Wesley weren’t as thrilled
“Don’t you think you’re still quite young for a job?” Wesley asked
“Yeah, Dawn you don’t have to worry about money. You’ve got everything you need here, I don’t want you thinking about money. I thought maybe we could try to get you into school or bring a tutor in or something?” Angel said.
“What did I tell you?” Cordelia nudged her.
“It’s like an apprenticeship Angel” Dawn told him, “i’ll be learning to bake. It’s all safe and educational. And Wesley can tutor me, i’m good at languages. We can do that together.”
“Well if it’s what you really want.” He agreed, “but you don’t have to, ok?”
“Thanks” she smiled.
That night they took Dawn to Caritas to celebrate. She drank a big bowl sized glass of virgin mimosa and watched everyone get up and sign.
Lorne wanted to read her but she said no thanks, she didn’t want to know anything and she was currently changing her destiny herself. She also didn’t want him to see the pain and sorrow in her heart.
Dawn guessed that he already saw that though because he smiled sadly and hugged her, “you’re a lot more special than you think cupcake” he told her.
She danced a little with Fred and Cordelia, then with Gunn, then Connor. Angel and Wesley wouldn’t dance.
When they got home there were four messages on the machine from Buffy and one from Xander asking her to call his apartment.
She ignored them all and went upstairs. She had a shower and went to bed.

Spike was balls deep inside the slayer again, hating her, pounding into her while he dreamed of snapping her neck. She was glaring up at him and taking everything he gave. He couldn’t even cum, yeah she could still get his cock hard but he wasn’t satisfied. She felt cold, like the grave she’d crawled out of. She’d dug her way out of there and pushed the light at the end of his tunnel away. All he saw was darkness now. Darkness and her dead eyes looking up at him. He was hurting her and he didn’t care, neither did she. This time when she screamed out his name and started to shudder under him he pulled out, closed his eyes and wanked himself off, spilling his seed all over her.
“You pig” she spat, punching him in the face.
“Oink bloody oink, get out the pigstye if you don’t like it slayer”
She grabbed his t shirt, wiped herself, got dressed and left. Slamming the door behind her.
He got a bottle of blood out, drank it cold and lit a smoke.
He sat in front of the tv as if he was watching, he’d never felt so alone in his long life.
There was a knock at his door later, and for a split second he had hope but of course not. All hope was gone. It was bloody Glinda, coming to check on him. What the hell for he had no idea and didn’t give a toss either.
“Alright pet?” He asked, “worlds not ending is it?”
“N-no, I just thought I would come and see how you were.” She said
“Well, you’ve seen me now. Anything else?”
“Spike, if you ever need to talk I want you to know that you can come to me. I take friendship confidentiality very seriously and I saw all the good you did when B-Buffy was gone. I just wanted you to know that, you do have a friend.”
“Thanks” he said, clearing his throat. He liked Glinda, she reminded him of his mum. She was too good for the scoobies, and she loved Dawn fiercely. Always had pancakes ready for her in the morning. “Appreciate it. Just don’t have much to say these days love”
“Ok” she nodded and patted his arm.
“Come on, i’ll walk you home.” He put his duster on and they left.
He told her to go on when they got a few houses away.
“You’re not coming in?” She asked
“No Glinda, nothing for me in that house anymore.”
She smiled sadly, “ok Spike. Thanks for walking me back.”
He nodded and watched her get in the house safely.
He should’ve spoken to her a long time ago, maybe she could’ve helped. Maybe she could’ve saved one of them at least. She could’ve convinced him not to give the slayer what she wanted. She would’ve tried anyway. Too late now, they were all hurting and there was nothing to be done about it.

Dawn woke up late the next day and everyone let her sleep because she would start work that night. Two am until nine am, bakers had to work through the night so that everything would be ready in the morning. Then she’d help set all the displays up. Angel or Connor would take her to work every night Monday to Friday and she’d make her own way back in the mornings. It was perfect, Dawn liked being up at night. She’d always been a night person. Never one for the sun. Another thing the monks got wrong. Made her all pale, her skin itched in the sun, and her eyes were so bright blue that they got all watery if she looked up at the sun too much. And they put her in California with a family of golden skinned, blonde, green eyed sun lovers. Her mom, dad and Buffy literally looked like they were born for the sun. They looked like summer, the name Summers never suited Dawn.
She went downstairs and had breakfast with Connor, he wasn’t really a morning person either. They had toast and left over bacon with ketchup and some bitter coffee. She wasn’t even allowed to drink coffee back home but she figured she was an independent girl now, she could drink whatever she wanted even if it was missing caramel syrup and cream.
“You got any plans today, I mean apart from starting work?” Connor asked.
“I kind of thought I would go to a stationary store, I usually write a lot and I left all my journals behind. I’d like to get a new one.”
“Oh cool, I could go with you?”
She smiled, “sure, that’d be nice”
He was so sweet, always wanting to do stuff with her and please her. She was really trying hard not to lead him on though. She didn’t want to be the type who used sweet guys to get over another and Connor deserved better than that.
She cleared up their stuff and went to grab her bag and a jacket.
When she came back down Cordelia told her that Buffy had called again.
“When will she get a clue?” Dawn asked, irritated, “I don’t want to talk to her.”
“Hey, i’m just the messenger.” Cordelia said, “also you’re friend Tara called, gave me a cell phone number and asked you to call her on that whenever you’re ready.”
“Thanks, i’ll call her later,” Dawn said, taking the number. She was trying not to think about Tara, she missed her. But she knew Tara must be worried about her, she didn’t know how she would explain to her the breakdown she’d witnessed that night.
“And where are you two off to?” Cordelia asked,
“Oh, I just need some stationary stuff”
“Great, you can pick up some stuff for us.”
Cordelia gave her some cash and a list. Printer paper, post its, and she wanted a new memo pad.
Dawn put on her shades, put the list and cash in her bag and they left.
They walked about a half hour to the store and Dawn spent a long time choosing a journal. She ended up getting a blue one with stars on it and a lock with a key, and she bought some pastel coloured pens. Then they looked for the things on Cordelia’s list.
Connor asked if she wanted to walk around for a while so she agreed.
“So, any regrets about coming here?” He asked, “you’re not getting home sick?”
“Not at all. I felt like I was suffocating there. This is good, exactly what I needed.”
“I’m glad, we all like having you here”
“Thanks, that means a lot” she smiled.
They went to a convenience store and Dawn bought a pack of smokes and a soda for each of them. Then they walked along the river quietly while Dawn smoked. The taste and smell made her heart hurt and feel good at the same time and the breeze from the river soothed her. After she finished she saw Connor gazing at her.
“What? Do I have something on my face?” She asked
“No, i’m sorry. You’re just so beautiful, it’s hypnotising sometimes.”
“Connor, please. I’m really not.”
“The fact that you don’t know it just amplifies it” he said, smirking.
“You’re so cheesy” she laughed, “lets go home”
They went back and gave Cordelia all her stuff then she sat with Wesley for a while going over some prophecy stuff, he was amazed at her linguistic skills and didn’t let her leave his table until it was time to eat.
They ordered sushi and all ate together, it was nice eating together like a family. Dawn had been eating dinner alone for months now.
Then Dawn got ready for work. When she got downstairs she had two escorts waiting for, Connor and Gunn. Connor didn’t look happy about it.
“Two bodyguards? Lucky me.” She smiled.
“Yeah well it’s dangerous out there at night, safety in numbers and all” Gunn said.
“You know i’m like super hero strong right?” Connor said.
“Just quit hogging the girl man, let some of the rest of us see her too.”
Dawn laughed, LA was weird. She’s never had anyone fighting for her attention before.
They walked down the street, Dawn in the middle.
“So Dawnie, girl as pretty as you I bet you’ve got a man back home huh?” Gunn asked
“A world of no” Dawn said
“Damn so you’re just turning all the guys away then? Must be a lot of heartbroken dudes in Sunnydale.”
“You’re kidding?” Dawn asked, “Ive like never been asked out, and the only guy Ive ever wanted didn’t even notice me”
“What the hell are they smoking in the burbs?” Gunn asked
“They do sound like they’re all weird over there. And coming from me, that’s bad.” Connor agreed.
“You guys are funny” Dawn laughed
“Aint no jokes here, you’re the prettiest gjrl ive seen in long time. Why do you think we’re flanking you like this? Can’t leave a girl who looks and walks like a supermodel to walk alone in the LA streets at night.”
Dawn just laughed and blushed, she wasn’t used to this attention. Maybe it was her new clothes.
When they reached the bakery they both hugged her and wished her luck.

Spike had finally done it, the chip was gone.
He’d been drunk in the basement of the magic box, stealing Burba weed when he’d heard a commotion upstairs. Screams.
The only ones meant to be up there were Red, Glinda and demon girl.
He’d gone upstairs and found those three nerds, the one who had made the bloody sex bots was waving a gun around, the other two were behind him, shaking. They’d done something to disable Red temporarily, and he kept waving the gun around near Glinda.
Didn’t think twice, he dived on Warren, took a few close range bullets to the stomach and in his drunkness, the pain and all the darkness he’d been seeing lately he just saw red. Forgot about the chip, forgot he was off humans. He stuck his fangs in drank, and ripped his throat out. Screaming in agony the whole time, not caring. Hoping that the pain might kill him.
Turned out all he had to do to get rid of the chip was be insane enough to ride out the brain frying pain until the chip went off so much that it frazzled itself.
Guess no one had tested that before.
He woke up in his crypt the next day, Red next to him.
He could barely see, the blood vessels in his eyes had all burst and his head was pounding.
“Red” he whispered.
She handed him a mug of blood with a straw silently and told him to drink.
“Not here to stake me then?” He asked hoarsely.
“You saved Tara’s life” she said stiffly.
“Glinda alright?”
“She was shot, the bullet grazed her shoulder. If you didn’t jump on him, it would’ve been her heart.” Willow sobbed, “I almost lost her and all I could do was watch”
“Not your fault, figured they did some mojo or something on you.”
“I got out seconds later, but they had me. I wasn’t prepared, wasn’t expecting it.”
“Does the slayer know?” He asked, thinking she might barge in any second with a stake and he didn’t have the strength to stop her.
Willow shook her head, “I got rid of the body, it’s gone.” she said in a chilling tone, that made even Spike shiver.
“Right” he said, “and the other two little boys?”
“Lets just say they won’t be up to talking for a while.”
“Bloody hell Red, remind me not to piss you off.”
When she didn’t say anything he asked, “so why are you here?”
“I came to check that you’d survived, when I came down from my magick rage I remembered how you’d been screaming. Anya and Xander had dropped you off here.”
“Oh bloody hell Harris knows”
“Don’t worry, Anya told him how you saved her life too. He said for the first time ever he could support murder. I think he would’ve done the same to someone who had a gun to the three of us.”
“Yeah, he would. I’ll give him that. He’s a right white knight when it comes to you lot. So the slayer’s not on her way over to stake me?”
“No” Willow shook her head.
“And where’s Glinda?”
“At home, I healed her. She's resting now.”
Spike was very glad that he had killed Warren, he had a feeling if he’d been a second too late Willow would’ve burned the world down around them all. She was bloody terrifying.
She got a bottle of blood from her bag and gave it to him. “This is a one time thing, a thank you. I’m sure it’ll help with healing.” She said.
“Whats this?”
She lifted her sleeve and showed him her bandaged wrist, “from me to you.”
He shook his head “no, thanks ever so. but no”
“Yes, you have no idea how much I love Tara. I’d give my life for hers in a heartbeat, a bottle of blood is nothing. Drink it and i’ll get to the healing spell.”
“Don’t want your blood pet, not anymore” he smiled.
The offer was enough and he respected the way she loved. She loved like he did. He didn’t want to look at her like food.
“I already bottled it, you’re really going to let a very powerful witch's blood go to waste?.”
“Yeah, I am” he said.
She hugged him suddenly, surprising him. “Please don’t start killing people” she asked.
“I’ll try not to” he said, not promising anything.
“Lay down” she told him, getting more things out of her bag.
Then she started rubbing herbs and paste over his head.
He fell asleep with the sound of her whispering and a cool feeling blanketing his head and eyes.

Dawn had enjoyed work, Cordelia had been right. It gave her something else to think about, when she’d been in the bakery she had barely thought about Spike. There was so much to do and so much to learn, she’d even been allowed to do cake decorating by herself once they’d seen her practice, and she was so focused on doing a good job she couldn’t possibly think of anything else.
She left the bakery in the morning tired and smiling with a bag of cookies and croissants, and a latte. The owner said that the staff could always take a bag, there was always extra and they didn’t sell any that weren’t exactly perfect. So those all went home with the workers. Much better than a flat DMP burger, Dawn thought proudly smiling to herself.
When she got to the hotel, only Cordelia was there. Everyone else was still at their own homes or asleep. She sat with her a while and told her about her shift. Then Cordelia told her to go eat. Angel had made scrambled eggs and left them in the microwave for her.
She had her breakfast slash bedtime snack, went for a shower and then got into bed with the blackout curtains closed. She fell asleep straight away.
She dreamed of Spike, dreamed of him screaming as he fell from the tower. Dreamed of her falling and him holding her under the sun till he burned, and she dreamed of him kissing her and telling her he loved her.
She woke up late afternoon annoyed. If she didn’t think about him in her waking hours she did in her sleep.
She went downstairs in her PJ’s and sat in the dining room. Cordelia came through and told her “Buffy called and honestly I told her to give up, she’s getting on my nerves now, Xander called and I reminded him that he never called this much when we were dating. Then Willow called, I told her you were fine and to pass it around and then some guy called Clem called looking for you, he left a cell number for you to call and I wished him luck and told him returning calls isn’t really your thing. Then Gunn called and said he’s on his way and did you want a vanilla latte and I told you like caramel and I’m offended because he never calls to ask me that.” She said all that super fast then took a long breath.
“Clem called?” Dawn beamed
“Wow, Dawn happy to receive a call?. he must be hot?” Cordelia asked
“I’m sure to the other loose skin demons he’s a total hottie, but not my type.” Dawn said
“Huh, you don’t have any normal friends do you?”
“Do you?” Dawn asked laughing.
“Well there was Harm, but she’s a vampire now” Cordelia shrugged
Spike’s ex, God, Dawn thought, can I never escape from the reminder that he likes pretty blondes?.
Gunn came in then with coffees for them both.
“Loving the PJ’s” he said, giving Dawn a hug.
“Thanks” she said, taking her coffee, “can I get that number?” She asked Cordelia.
“It’s on the memo pad” Cordelia smiled
“Ahh its a guys number isn’t it?” Gunn sighed.
“My favourite guy” Dawn teased
“He’s a loose skin demon” Cordelia reassured him.
Dawn went to the desk, got the number and went inside Angels little office with her coffee. She kinda felt bad, settling in the chair, Gunn probably wanted them to have coffee together but she was excited to talk to Clem.
She dialled the number and heard Clem answer, grinned at the sound of his voice.
“Clem? It’s Dawn” she said
“Dawnie! How you been girlfriend?”
“I’m ok, how are you? I’m glad you called.”
“I’m ok too, I was asking about you and I heard you were there so I thought i’d see how LA was treating my little tight skinned friend.”
Dawn laughed, she loved how Clem spoke. He was another one who treated her like she was real.
“So, you got fed up of the hellmouth huh?” He asked
“You could say that”
“Anything fun going on up there?”
“There’s a demon karaoke bar, Caritas. You’d like it. The host is really cool, if you sing for him he can tell you if you’re on your right path and give you advice and stuff. It’s a fun place”
“Ive heard of it, green guy, red horns?”
“Yeah, that’s the one!”
“My cousin goes there sometimes, hey maybe i’ll come down on the weekend. You wanna party?”
“Yes! I’d love that. Why don’t you come the next weekend? It’ll be my birthday.”
“Sounds awesome, hey Spike’ll be excited.”
“Spike’s not coming Clem, I don’t want him here.”
Clem sighed, “Dawnie he’s really cut up about you leaving, I think he’s going a little woohoo you know.”
“Please Clem” she said moodily, “he doesn’t care about me, he has Buffy.”
“If you say so, but if you don’t mind me saying she’s not exactly the most pleasant Summers to be around”
“Thanks Clem”
“So you’ll keep in touch? Call me before I come up there so we can arrange the meet up.”
“Yeah, I’ll definitely call. I’m looking forward to it.”
“Alright you take care girlie. No messages to pass on?”
“No, and you too. Bye Clem.”
When she came out, everyone had gathered in the reception area, it seemed like they were having their version of a scoobie meeting, and she felt a little embarrassed to be in her silky pink striped pj’s now that she was fully awake.
“Oh is it casual Tuesday?” Wesley asked.
“She lives here, she doesn’t work here. She can wear whatever she wants” Connor answered.
“You’re right Connor but Wesley was kidding, it’s hard to tell because he’s British.” Cordelia commented.
Dawn just smiled self consciously.
“I think she looks adorable” Gunn grinned.
“Enough” Angel said “can everyone leave Dawn and her Pyjamas alone please?”
Fred and Cordelia giggled at the boys being told off.
“Dawn before you go anywhere, I need to give you something. Give me a minute.” He said.
She sat on a stool sipping the rest of her coffee while Angel talked about some demon they’d killed or were going to kill. Dawn kinda zoned out, this wasn’t her responsibility here.
“Hey” Angel said, smiling and snapping her out of her daydreaming.
“Hey” she smiled up at him, “sorry, about the PJ’s. I was tired and felt lazy when I woke up.”
“Don’t be sorry, Connors right. You live here, the same way you’d get up and go to your kitchen back home I want you to do that here. Im sorry they’re so uncivilised”
Dawn laughed “it’s ok, im kinda used to the uncivilised. Im from Sunnydale remember?”
He grinned, “that’s very true. How’s the job? You like it?”
“Yeah, I got to do cake decorating. You know the fancy squiggles on the cupcakes? That’s me.”
“That’s really good, i’m proud of you.”
“Thanks” she blushed.
“I got you this” he said, handing her a boxed cell phone.
“Angel! You don’t need to get me a phone. That must’ve cost a lot.”
“It’s no big deal, I want you be able to call here if your out or at work and you need anything, we all have one. Even me, if you can believe it. Also it’ll make Cordelia very happy if she can just pass your number on to everyone who’s looking for you and you can ignore them yourself. I don’t think she’s ever had to answer this many calls in her life.” He said, smiling.
“Ok, thank you Angel” she said hugging him.
“Youre welcome” he said, patting her back.
Dawn went upstairs to her room, listened to music on her walkman and set up her new cell. She text Clem her new number, then added all numbers Cordelia had written for her to her contacts, she had all the LA and Sunnydale numbers now.
Then she text Tara saying she was sorry she hadn’t been in touch and that she missed her.
She text back right away, saying that she missed her too and asked if she wanted her to keep this number private.
Dawn told her no, she could give it out and tell everyone to stop calling the hotel because they were pissing Cordelia off and blowing up the phone line.
Tara gave her Anyas cell number to save and said she could reach Xander on that too. And Willow and Buffy, who also had phones now apparently. Maybe they always had, but just never bothered to give Dawn the update.
She told Tara she was a baker’s apprentice and Tara was very proud of her and happy for her. She didn’t once ask what had happened that night.

Spike was drunk again; he was always drunk these days. Felt like there was no point in being sober.
He had two black eyes, after all Reds hard work the slayer had come for her dose of cold comfort and he couldn’t get it up for her. She’d been on her knees sucking his soft useless cock and he didn’t feel a thing.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
He hadn’t answered, didn’t know what to say.
So she’d pushed him up against the wall and kissed him, “tell you want me,” She’d demanded.
“Think my flacid dick would prove that to be a lie don’t you?”
She’d headbutted him then.
“yeah that’ll work, that’s what every man wants aint it?”
“Why don’t you want me?” She’d punched him then.
Then he had lost it, started hitting her back. They’d beat each other senseless and the crazy bitch had still been trying to get on top of him and shove it in her.
He hated himself but he closed his eyes and thought of the youngest Summers. That did the trick, he flipped her around and fucked her from behind so he wouldn’t have to look at her face.
When they were done he went and sat on the couch and had a smoke, ignoring her.
“Who are you thinking of when you’re inside me?” She asked him, standing in front of him.
“Does it matter? Aren’t you wishing it was the great poofter fucking your brains out?” He asked.
“So you are thinking of someone else?” She had the gall to look hurt.
“This isn't a romance slayer, neither of us can have who we really want. You’ve got an itch you want scratching, and I'm the only one that can reach it. So you take me like this or you bugger off.”
“You don’t want me?” She asked, sounding confused.
“Ding ding, we’ve got a winner.”
“What? Then why?”
“Why?” He scoffed, “don’t think I had much choice in the matter just now, do you?”
Her eyes widened, she looked horrified.
“Yeah slayer, you know what they call that in human circles. Lucky for you i’m just a disgusting demon.”
She ran out then with her hand over her mouth.
Later that night his door had opened.
“I’m out of service right now, try again later.” He called without looking.
“Ahh, service?” The new arrival asked
“Clem, thought it was someone else” Spike said, “what brings you round this end of Restfield then?”
“Thought you might wanna hang?” Clem said, holding up a pack of beer and some cheetos.
“Yeah alright” Spike agreed.
They watched final destination just because it was on the tv, and drank beer and whiskey.
“Did you know it’s little Dawnie’s birthday next weekend?” Clem asked
“Course I know” Spike snapped, “how the bloody hell do you know?”
Clem told him all about his conversation with her and that he was going up to LA. It was obvious she hadn’t asked about him or wanted him to come or Clem would’ve said that first. He knew Clem was only telling him so that Spike didn’t hear about it from someone else and think something wrong. Clem was a good friend so he tried to keep his temper in, wasn’t his fault. None of it, and Dawn liked him.
“No eating kittens in front of her, don’t even mention the furry mites” was all he said.
“I know, learned that the hard way the first time” Clem nodded.
Spike smiled at the memory, she hadn’t had to do what the slayer did. Hadn’t been drunk and offensive, didn’t throw her weight around. Her eyes had just welled up and Clem had melted and set his meal free himself. That girl and her big blue eyes could get anyone to do anything she wanted, without an ounce of physical strength.
“You miss her?” Clem asked, “I know you used to spend a lot of time together”
“Yeah” Spike said, “I do. And if you tell anyone I said that i’ll bite you.”
“I won’t” Clem shook his head, making his ears flop around.
After that they went to play some poker, Spike needed to make some money. He had a birthday gift to buy.

The next couple of weeks went by super fast for Dawn. She was still getting used to her work schedule and learning. When she got home she had health and safety, and food and hygiene courses that she had to do online. Then she would spend a couple of hours studying with Wesley. She had so many language dictionaries now, Tukish, Russian, Latin and they were starting on ancient Sumerian. Her brain hurt. Then she’d go to sleep and wake up in the evening, most nights they would order in and all eat together and then either Gunn or Connor would take her out for ice cream or a milkshake, sometimes both of them. They always both walked her to work. The few days before her birthday she spent getting ready. Her, Cordelia and Fred went for pedicures and manicures. Then Dawn went to the hair salon and colored her hair a little darker. The stylist had tried so hard to convince her to have some stylish haircut but she’d refused over and over. Long hair was Spikes favourite, it was the one thing she had that she knew for a fact he liked. Not that it mattered anymore, but he had stroked and played with her hair so many times, she couldn’t bear to cut it off. When Tara had told her that Buffy had cut her hair to chin length, it had given Dawn an evil satisfaction but then she’d felt bad. Buffy called all the time but Dawn never answered.
She felt kind of guilty because Buffy didn’t even know why she was so hurt but she just couldn’t listen to her sounding all smug and satisfied.

A week after their moment of truth the slayer walked into Spikes crypt. Walked, not barged in like a bull. Spike was surprised, he hadn’t seen her since their little incident.
“Slayer” he nodded
“Spike” she answered.
“To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“I came to apologise.” She said
He raised his eyebrows, “beg your pardon?”
“I’m sorry.” She said, looking down, “Ive been using you, even when you didn’t want me to. And that isn’t me, I don’t want to be that person.”
“We can’t do this anymore Buffy. Me, you, this thing. It has to stop.”
“I know” she said in a rush, “im not saying this to get back into it, i just wanted you to know that I am sorry. I’m going to therapy now, and I’m trying to get back to who I was before. Id like us to get back to that too, you know, allies and sometimes friends. I know it’ll take time but I want my old life back.”
Spike nodded “sounds like a plan”
“Ok, well thanks. For listening and not being a jerk about it.”
He just nodded and gave her a small smile.
He breathed a sigh of relief when she left, he felt lighter.
He’d packed Dawn's gift bags up all nice, he’d never given anyone such a presentable looking gift before and it made him nervous, even though he wouldn’t even be there to see her open it.
He’d even got a bloody mobile phone and written his number in the card, like a lovesick teenager. Clem had told him she had a phone now, but he hadn’t asked for her number. If he had it he knew he’d become obsessive and he wanted her to give it to him freely. He knew nothing could ever happen, didn’t want anything to happen. He just wanted her back in his life in some small way. Wanted a chance to make her forget the disgust and hurt that she’d felt towards him.
He sat holding the gift bags waiting for Clem to come over so he could give them to him.

Dawn woke up on early her birthday, thankfully she’d taken the Friday off so she didn’t mind Connor knocking on her door and telling her she had some deliveries.
“Thanks, i’ll be down in a minute” she told him, yawning.
“Alright, well I really just wanted to be the first one to tell you happy birthday” he smiled.
“Thank you,” she giggled.
She got up, freshened up, put on some leggings and a t shirt. She so wasn’t dressing up till later. Being off work and comfy was more of a treat right now, then she headed downstairs.
She screamed when she saw Willow and Tara sitting on one of the couches in the reception, ran over and threw herself at them. She hadn’t been expecting them, it was a total surprise.
She squeezed in the middle of them, holding Willows hand and sliding under Taras arm, “I missed you guys, I didn’t even realise how much” she told them.
“We miss you too sweetie” Tara said, stroking her hair and kissing her head.
Willow was looking at smiling and squeezing her hand, and Dawn started to tear up. What was it about the scoobies that made her feel like such a kid? She had been all miss independence for weeks now but one look at the two witches and all she wanted to do was lay on their laps and cry.
“Don’t cry Dawnie” Willow said, pulling her to her and hugging her harder, she had tears in her eyes too though.
“Ok so now I get it” Cordelia said from the desk.
“Get what?” Willow asked
“Why Dawns all shy and sheltered. Never been kissed, doesn’t own her hotness etcetera etcetera..you guys treat her like she’s turning seven not seventeen.”
“Dawnie will always be our baby” Tara said, smiling down at her and squeezing her cheek.
“Get up outta their laps and open your gifts” Cordelia told her.
Dawn giggled and got up but not before kissing both the witches cheeks.
“This is from me, happy birthday” Cordelia said, giving her a wrapped present.
“Oh my God, thank you!” Dawn said, opening the box to find a bottle of Anna Sui Dolly girl perfume.
“You’re welcome” Cordelia smiled.
“Ok these are from Xander and Anya” Willow said going into the dining room and bringing a big bouquet of colorful flowers and a small box with a pair of pearl earrings inside. There was a card inside that read ‘miss you every day Dawnster, don’t forget about old Xander. We’re family. Love you! Have a happy birthday my favourite girl!’ Then on the other side ‘hi Dawn I also wish you a happy birthday. Please call, Xander is a blubbering baby and thinks you hate him and he’s failed in his older brotherly figure role. It’s affecting my orgasms. Welcome to womanhood!”
Dawn laughed and cried at the same time, so did Willow.
“Poor Xander” she said
“I’ll call him, I promise,” Dawn said.
“This is from us” Tara said, handing her another gift. They had gotten her a set of beautiful candles, and a big rose quartz crystal to put in her room to attract love and happiness. “It’s beautiful, thank you guys I love it” she said hugging them both.
Then they gave her more things, an envelope which had the money that came every year from her dad, two hundred dollars and a card that was most definitely bought and sent by his secretary, then a package and an envelope from Buffy.
Dawn opened the gift, a pearl bracelet. Her and Xander had obviously shopped for her gift together. and there was a framed picture of her and Buffy together with ice cream on their faces, laughing.
Dawn got a lump in her throat and shoved the picture face down back into the bag, she didn’t want to look at that. Why was Buffy doing this to her on her birthday? And didn’t she understand that it made it all worse.? No, Dawn reminded herself, Buffy has no idea why you’re upset.
“I think should leave the card for later” Tara said, holding her hand.
“Ok” Dawn nodded, putting the envelope in the bag too.
Then Connor came down the stairs with a huge bouquet of flowers, pink roses, and a big box of chocolates.
“Thank you” she said hugging him, “they’re so pretty!”
“Not as pretty as you” he said kissing her hand, “happy birthday”
She saw Willow and Taras eyes go wide with shock and she giggled.
Then it was Gunns turn, he came into the hotel singing ‘Go shorty it’s your birthday’ and holding a bouquet of balloons, pink with glitter on them and gold champagne bottle on the front. He also got her a box of cupcakes and a large caramel latte. “Happy birthday gorgeous girl” he said hugging her and picking her up.
“Thank you, I love them” she said, laughing even more and Willow and Tara with their mouths open.
Then Cordelia got Angel up and he came and hugged her and Willow and said hi to Tara,
“Happy birthday Dawn” he said looking embarrassed and handing her a wrapped box, “Cordelia says you’ll hate it but it reminded me of you.”
Dawn curiously ripped the paper open and her mouth dropped open, “Angel, I love it” she said softly, “I really love it, thank you so much.”
It was a doll, kind of like a barbie doll but not and it had long dark brown hair, blue eyes and pouty red lips.
“Awww” Tara and Willow said when they saw it.
“It’s lovely” Tara said.
Dawn hugged him around his waist and she could see how embarrassed he was, “it’s not too childish?” He asked.
“No, it’s perfect” she said
He gave Cordelia a ‘told you so’ look and she shook her head, “I give up, you’re all dysfunctional" she said, laughing.
“Dawn we were hoping to take you for brunch, if you don’t have other plans?” Willow asked.
“No of course not,” she said, “i’ll just get ready.”
Dawn went upstairs and put on a pair of faded jeans, a black tube top and her favourite platforms. She added some lip gloss and her big black shades before putting her bag on. She looked in the mirror and thought how grown she looked, maybe not grown but different. Her red manicured nails and long dark hair, with her new simple style made her feel way sexier than she used to. Maybe all the compliments were making her feel prettier. She wondered if Spike would see any difference, if he would think she was pretty. She wondered if he remembered it was her birthday, probably not.
He had been with her on her last birthday, but she didn’t want to think about that now. There was no going back to those days.
When she went back downstairs Willow was in Angels office and they looked deep in conversation.
Wesley and Fred had shown up though. They wished her happy birthday and gave her a joint gift, a set of jane austin books. She loved ‘Emma’ already, Spike had read it to her, so she was excited to read the rest. She thanked them and hugged them both. Then Tara helped her put all her flowers in vases and take everything up to her room.
“Your room’s nice” Tara said, sitting on the bed, “especially now with all the flowers and balloons from the very cute and sweet guys that seem to like you very much.” She teased.
Dawn gave her a look, “I knew you’d pick up on that.”
“You’re not interested are you?” Tara asked softly.
“You know i’m not” Dawn didn’t have to explain to Tara, she just knew that Tara got things, she could tell how people felt.
“You’re still hurting,” Tara said, putting an arm around her.
Dawn nodded and tried to hold her tears in.
“Is there anything I can do? Anything you want to tell me, or ask me?” Tara asked.
Dawn realised that by now either Buffy or Spike had spilled and told Tara what Dawn had seen that night, and Tara had definitely put two and two together. She wanted to talk and she wanted to know everything that Tara knew but for the first time Dawn decided ignorance was bliss. She didn’t want to hear all the juicy gossip that would just tear her heart up.
Dawn shook her head and wiped her face, tried for a smile.
“You’re such a strong girl” Tara said, stroking her hair, “and you are so loved, I hope you know that”
Dawn nodded and hugged her.
Willow called up then and Dawn took a deep breath, put her happy face on and went downstairs holding Tara’s hand.

It was definitely somewhere between lunch and dinner but they went to an all day brunch cafe and had stacks of pancakes with bacon, egg and syrup.
“Xander wanted to come” Willow said, while they were eating, “said he was coming to tickle you and squeeze your cheeks until you loved him again, but then in the last second there was like a disaster at his site and we convinced him it was a sign. We thought you might want some girl time.”
“Definitely loving the girl time” Dawn said smiling, “but I still love Xander, make sure you tell him.”
“And Buffy?”
“Willow” Tara said, “it isn’t our place to pry”
Dawn kept eating her pancakes. She loved Willow but she could never mind her business or stop trying to fix things. And this couldn’t be fixed.
“This isn’t one of those things you can fix Willow, so please don’t try” Dawn said.
Willow looked sad then she said “oh, did Tara tell you Spike saved her life?”
“He did?” Dawn asked, shocked.
Then Willow told her the whole story including the chip stuff, while Dawn listened amazed.
“He must’ve been in agony,” she said at the end.
“Much” Willow nodded
“But he’s ok now” Tara added quickly, “Willow helped him”
“Fixed him up good as new” Willow said proudly.
Dawn smiled at Willow, thankful for her fix it ways suddenly.
Spike was unchipped, she didn’t know how to feel about that. How would everyone treat him now? She wondered.
They spent the rest of their lunch talking about her job and how Wesley had changed and Willow wanted to know all about how it was living with Cordelia.

Then they went back to the hotel, Angel gave Willow and Tara a room where they could relax and get ready for tonight.
Dawn sat in the Jasmine garden smoking, taking a break. Then Gunn and Connor joined her, as always.
They sat in the garden and ate her cupcakes.
Dawn felt very lucky, she had never had a birthday where so much people seemed to care and want to be with her, make her happy. But there was a heaviness in her heart. Every time she closed her eyes for a second, she remembered her last birthday and her heart hurt. She felt empty.
The scoobies had been sad of course, Buffy was gone. But they’d tried, they had still remembered her. They’d got her gifts and stuff but they had all been busy.
Spike had taken her in the car at night and drove out of town. He took her to a theatre that showed old movies. He’d bought her piles of candy, love heart candy necklaces and bracelets, ring pops, haribo rings, all kinds of edible jewellery and loads of gummy bears. He got them milkshakes and he’d sat through ‘when Harry met Sally’, ‘Maniquienn’ and ‘Notting hill’ with her.
For the whole night, he kept his arm around her and watched silly romantic Romcoms. She ate candy until she felt sick that night.
It had been the best birthday ever. She’d give anything to go back to that night. If Dawn had known what was to come, maybe she would have done things differently, maybe not.
She excused herself and went to get ready. She had a shower then dried her hair and sat in her towel. She decided to bite the bullet and open Buffy’s letter.
It read,

‘to my baby sister, you’ll always be my sister and i’ll always love you. I get that you need space from me right now, it’s probably for the best that you left for a while. I wasn’t in a good place and I wasn’t doing right by you. You deserve better than me, I just wish mom was here to look after us both.
I think I understand what happened that night. I’m not ready to talk about it, and i’ll bet you’re not either. I should’ve known, I shouldn’t have been so blind to how you felt whether I supported it or not. When I look back, I think you tried to tell me so many times but I was stupid and selfish. I told myself you were just a kid, I forgot how real my own feelings were when I was your age. I want you to know that I never ever meant to hurt you like that, never.
It’s over now, and was nothing but a mistake, everyone involved knows that it was a mistake. I’m so sorry Dawnie, I just hope that one day you’ll be able to look at me as your sister again and not the bitch that broke your heart.
I’m going to therapy now, I promise i’m working on myself to be a better person. I’ve left the doublemeat palace and i’ve started back at the magicbox.
I really am trying this time Dawn but i’ll give you all the space you need. Just know I love you more than anything.
Love your big sister always, Buffy.’

Dawn sat there wide-eyed, tears streaming down her face. She didn’t know how to feel or think. Buffy had never been this open and honest with her before. She lay back on her bed and closed her eyes. What did it all mean? Regardless of what it meant she missed her sister, she knew she was being genuine. And she was glad that Buffy was getting better, she needed to be better. She couldn’t focus on the over and regretting parts, her brain couldn’t take that.
She put Buffy's letter in her bedside drawer and placed the picture of them in there too. She wasn’t ready to look at her face too much yet but she’d like it near her, not stuffed in a bag.

She wore a thigh length black bodycon tube dress, a pair of black heels with an open toe and some red lipgloss to match her nails. Simple but out of this world. When she went downstairs, everyone's jaw hit the floor.
They made Dawn blush bright red with all their compliments.

When they got to Caritas Willow and Tara were amazed, Lorne fell in love with Tara instantly. He gave Dawn yet another bunch of flowers, and a big cocktail bowl with umbrellas and cherries and a big fat straw.
Everyone got up to sing again, apart from Willow and Dawn but they danced together the whole time.
Then Clem showed up, Willow and Tara were so surprised.
Dawn hugged him tightly and squealed with delight, Clem always made her smile.
“Happy birthday Dawnie” he said, putting down a box of cake, he’d gotten her a orange cheeto colored cake in honor of their movie and cheetos nights.
Then he pulled her aside and gave her two bags, “these are from a friend of ours” he said.
Dawn felt a lump appear in her throat and her eyes tear up instantly.
“Open them” Clem said gently, nodding encouragingly.
“In a minute” she said, taking the bags and hugging him.
Dawn sneaked away and went to the back, she sat at a small empty table and watched the rest all dancing and drinking for a minute. Then she took a deep breath and opened the heaviest bag fist. She laughed straight away, it was full of candy. Cherry lips, Heartthrob hearts, gummy bears, candy necklaces and bracelets, red and pink ring pops and pink lollipops.
She sniffed the bag and sighed, the smell reminded her of all her times with Spike.
Then she opened the next bag and pulled out a light pink teddy bear with red kisses all over it and a red bow.
She hugged it to her tightly, wanting to cry again. There was more, two swarovski boxes. She opened them and found a necklace and a bracelet, they both had a tiny pink bear with a heart on its belly hanging from them. It looked like the pink gummy bear but made of crystals instead of sugary goodness. Tears flowed freely now, Spike had never gotten her anything like this before. No one had ever gotten her anything like this before.
There was even a card, Spike never wrote cards. She pulled it out of the envelope, it was a card with pictures of candy all over it, when she opened it she gasped. He’d written her a long letter, a lot more than just happy birthday.
She wiped her eyes and read,

“Sweets for my sweet bit on her birthday. Hope they make you smile.
Miss you sweet girl, miss you more than words can describe. I miss your sweetness. There’s nothing sweet in my world without you, nothing light, it’s all dark and bitter.
I hope you’re happy, hope you’re surrounded by people that won’t disappoint you, won’t hurt you, people that deserve your smile.
I truly hope that, because I never deserved your sweetness, but just know that I treasured it more than anything in the world.
Don’t ever want to see you hurt, don’t want your sweetness to turn sour, and if being far away from me is what you need to stay sweet then it’s what you should do. But i’m a selfish man, and I wish you wouldn’t. I want that sweetness, all for me, want to see you smile up at me and feel you doodle on my arms, scribbling secrets that you can’t say with your mouth, your cherry lip stains on my skin, your giggles that are sweeter than sugar. So sweet it makes me ache.
You don’t have to get in touch with me, but I wish you would.
Miss you sweet bit. Happy birthday.”

There was a phone number at the bottom.
Dawn sat there and tried to remember to breathe. He missed her, really missed her. She didn’t know what to think, feel or do. She felt stunned and overwhelmed, confused. Could he really miss her like that? Spike never lied to her. He never spoke to her like that either though.
Tara must’ve seen her staring into space because she came over to her.
“Why are you over here all alone sweetie?” She asked, sitting next to her.
“I was just opening some more gifts,” Dawn told her, hiding the card.
“These are beautiful,” Tara said, looking at the necklace and bracelet.
“Could you put them on me?” Dawn asked timidly.
“Of course” Tara said, she pulled Dawn's hair aside and slipped the necklace around her neck, then Dawn put out her wrist as if in a trance.
“They look very pretty, very you,” Tara said smiling.
“Thanks” Dawn swallowed.
“Who are they from Dawnie? Must be someone special, I haven’t even seen you take any of your other presents out the box.” She said smiling.
“Spike” Dawn answered quietly, putting her head down.
“Oh Dawnie,” Tara sighed, hugging her.
Dawn let her just hold her for a while.
“Come on, it’s your birthday and you’re going to dance” Tara said, pulling her up.
Dawn followed her, and put her bags at their own table. She danced with Clem, Willow and Tara then Cordelia and Lorne joined them.
When the party started to die down they all gathered to go. Angel asked Willow and Tara to stay the night but they said they would get a ride back with Clem, or end up having to take the bus back the next day.
“I think I want to come home for the weekend”
“You do?” Willow asked happily
“Woop woop road trip with Dawnie!” Clem hollered.
“Are you sure?” Tara asked softly
“Of course she’s sure, she wants to come home,” Willow said, grinning.
Dawn nodded.
“Dawn are sure about this, this a really sudden turn around?” Angel asked, concerned.
“Yeah, sorry I don’t mean to bail on you guys but I am homesick. I need to go for a little while.”
“Ok”’he said, smiling sadly.
They all went back to the hotel and Dawn packed an overnight bag, a pair or red VS silky PJs, and matching slippers. Essential toiletries and a pair of jeans, and a tube top for the next day. She grabbed her shades, some of Spikes candy, her teddy and her bag with some cash. That was it, like an emergency bag. Her heart was racing.
She went downstairs and hugged everyone, Connor and Angel were really down that she was leaving so she hugged them extra tight.
“Good luck, fight back Sunnydale girl, you look good.” Cordelia whispered in her ear when she hugged her.

clem put on some fun music and rolled the windows down all the way. Dawn let the night wind hit her face and calm her nerves.
On the way to LA she had slept, but she couldn’t close her eyes on the way back.
What am I doing? She thought to herself. I might be making a fool of myself, what if it’s all a lie, she worried that she’d show up there and traumatise herself all over again. That they were both lying to her, that she’d find Buffy there.
Fight back, she reminded herself. Don’t be weak.
As they neared the welcome to Sunnydale sign she turned to backseat and told the girls firmly “i’m not coming home”
“I know sweetie ” Tara said, smiling knowingly.
“What?” Willow asked
“It’s ok honey, she’s not a child anymore.” Tara told her
“But I don’t get it, I thought you wanted to come home with us.” She whined
“I’ll see you tomorrow” Dawn promised, "we'll celebrate again at the Bronze.”

Clem dropped them off at Revello and asked her “so where to?”
“Can you drop me off at Restfield?” She asked, swallowing nervously.
He grinned and nodded then spun the car around.
When they got there she hugged him and got out legs shaking.
She took the short walk to Spike’s crypt trying to block out the memories of the last time she’d been here.
Just like last time she creeped in slowly and froze at the sight in front of her.
This time she wasn’t horrified, she was just overwhelmed by how much she’d missed him.
Spike was asleep on the couch, empty bottles of whiskey all around him on the ground.
She took her shoes, bag and jacket off, tiptoed towards him and sat down. When he didn’t stir she lay down and cuddled into him. In his sleep he groaned and put his arm around her. She didn’t care that he was soulless, unchipped and very drunk, she felt so safe in his arms.

Spike was surprised to wake up with a stiffy, hadn’t happened in weeks. He’d thought he was broken, finished.
Then he smelled something sweet and he realised he was warm.
Can’t be, he thought, impossible.
But he opened his eyes slowly and sure enough there was a sweet angel laying under his arm. He stared down at her in awe, scared if he moved she would disappear.
He looked her over like he’d never allowed himself to before, studied her, her long lashes laying on her porcelain skin, the few tiny freckles on her button nose, her succulent rosy pouted lips, her elegant long flawless neck. He smiled when he saw his necklace laying there, and continued his exploration. Her body was slim and slender but curved in all the right places. Fuck, he thought, when did her legs get this long? Her dress had rode up a bit in her sleep and the journey from her thighs to her pretty bare feet with red toes was heavenly. Her fingers, he’d missed those fingers so much, then the bracelet he gave her was on her slim wrist, looked so pretty and delicate just like her.
What is she doing here? He wondered.
He shifted a tiny bit and she whimpered, snuggling into his chest and clinging to him. He didn’t move, he just inhaled her scent, afraid to touch her. She smelled like apple pie, candy and cherry lipgloss. He smiled and closed his eyes hoping this wasn’t a dream.
After a while he saw her open her eyes and realise where she was. Her eyes widened, “sorry” she said, nervously going to sit up.
He finally touched her, gently he held her hand. “don’t know what you’re doing here but please don’t run off, stay.” He ever so gently pulled her back down so she could pull back if she wanted to.
She bit her lip and nodded, laying back down with her hand in his. He could feel her heart thumping through her ribcage. “I missed you” he whispered.
“I missed you, long before I left” she answered, her lip shaking.
He wanted to stake himself in that moment.
“Don’t know what to say niblet, won’t say sorry cause it won’t cut it. It’s not enough. I tried to do right by you, I promise I did. But I was wrong in every way, messed up everything. I regret so much it feels like I could combust. Don’t know what to do now, just wanna make you smile at me again and I don’t know how.”
“You could hold me” she whispered.
He pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms around her and putting his leg over her legs. He held her as tight as he could without breaking her, her face between his shoulder and neck.
“What I saw” she said into his neck, “are you still, is it over?” She asked.
“Over, done, dusted, a long moment of temporary insanity and now my biggest regret.” He promised.
He felt her nod.
He stroked her hair, “been in hell thinking you hated me,” he said, his voice uneven.
“I could never hate you” she whispered.
He pulled his head back and looked into her blue eyes, he couldn’t see any hate in them. No disgust, or even disappointment.
He leaned in and planted a light kiss on her lips. She gasped and he felt her heart rate speed up.
“Sorry” he said
“Don’t be,” she smiled, blushing that pretty pink blush.
She’d tasted sweet just like he knew she would, he licked his lips savouring the taste, wanting more but not sure if that’s what he was supposed to do.
“Spike?” She asked, still worrying her lip.
“Yeah love?”
“Do you, um, do you like me at all in that way?” She asked, looking down.
He almost sobbed into her shoulder, “sweet bit, what I feel is a lot more than like. I’m afraid it might scare you how I feel about you, you’re always forgetting that i’m a demon, not a boy.”
“I’m not afraid” she said, looking him in the eyes in the way that only she can do.
“I’m gonna kiss you” he told her.
She nodded, and put her mouth up to his.
He held her chin and told her nervously “if you want me to stop just say it, I will”
She nodded again, poor girl was petrified but sinking in desire.
Spike could feel himself shaking too.
Her smell was driving him crazy, all he could smell right now was lust, fear and cherry lips, her sweet blood pumping to the top of her skin.
All he wanted to do was possess her in every way, the demon in him was screaming ‘mine!’ but he reeled it in and put his mouth on her sweet lips. He’d never given a girl her first real kiss before. He somehow knew with certainty that he was her first, that no matter how hurt she’d been she wouldn’t give herself to anyone else. He was so scared of scaring her away. But she wanted him as much as he wanted her, she opened her mouth giving his tongue access as soon as he licked her bottom lip.
He leaned deeper into her, massaging her tongue with his. She whimpered as he ran his hands down her waist and hips, pulling her closer onto his lap and she put her hands around him, kissing him back with all she had.
He kissed her hungrily like a starving man until she had to pull back for air.
He couldn’t hold back his smile gazing down at her flushed and panting.
“You ok sweet bit?” He asked
“Very ok” she said, smiling back, “wow, I’m light headed”
He chuckled and kissed her forehead.
He needed to stop, this was enough for now. It was more than he’d ever dreamed of and he didn’t want to rush anything.
“You got any other clothes in that bag?” He asked.
“Yeah, why?” She asked him
“Well” he said, rubbing his hand up her leg, “as much I’m enjoying this, i’d like to take you out to eat and I don’t wanna have to kill everyone that looks at you.”
She put her head down giggling.
He kissed her face again, “God, I missed that sound” he said.
“You want to take me to eat, like outside?”
“Is that ok?” He asked, suddenly realising that she might not wanna go out with him.
“More than ok, I’m starving” she smiled.
Idiot, he cursed himself for doubting her. This was his sweet bit, she didn’t keep dirty secrets and she was never ashamed of him, never. She always had his back. He’d been such a fool.
“Isn’t it still daytime though?” She asked
“Not for long, you sleep like a vampire princess.” He said, smirking.
“I work nights, thats why.” She said
If his heart could beat, it would’ve stopped.
“Angels got you working? Nights?” He asked, trying to sound calm.
“Oh, no it isn’t like that” she shook her head, “he didn’t want me to work, but I wanted my own thing, something to keep my mind busy. I’ts a baker's apprentice. I can make cookies now, from scratch.” She smiled shyly.
He still didn’t know how to feel so he swallowed and took an unneeded breath, “does this mean you’re not here to stay?”
“Well, I don’t know. I didn’t think this would happen. I wasn’t even sure if you’d want me here, or what I might find when I got here. I didn’t really think much at all, I read your card and I just packed an overnight bag and hitched a ride with Clem.”
He smiled and kissed her on the mouth again.
She pulled back, “I don’t want to go home Spike, but i’ll stay. If you want me to.”
He kissed her nose, her chin and her forehead, “do you want to be with me sweet bit? As in really together, you’re mine, i’m yours, the whole nine yards?. Am I really what you want? Need you to think about this.”
“You’re all I’ve ever wanted,” she told him, making his heart swell up inside.
“Then we’ll work something out, not gonna ruin your life again. But I can’t be without you anymore either. I’ve got a business deal to do tonight, i’ll get a good amount of dosh out of that. then i’m yours. I’ll come to LA, if you’ll have me.”
“You would?” She asked, smiling happily.
“Course, life's been hell without you Dawn. Can’t do it anymore.”
“You used my name” she said, hiding her face in his neck.
“Means i’m very serious niblet” he said grinning, couldn’t bloody stop grinning. His face was starting to hurt.
The feeling of her sitting in his lap, trusting him again was like a dream. He never thought he’d have her vulnerability and trust or sweetness in his hand again.
“Go on, get dressed love. I’ve gotta get this deal done quickly before it goes arse up. Then we’ll go eat, and celebrate.”
“Ok” she agreed, beaming.
She kissed him lightly on the mouth and got up, leaving him feeling all weak.
She got changed and looked even more gorgeous in a pair of loose fit faded jeans and a little black tube top. She had a denim jacket matching the jeans with her and a pair of heels. He couldn’t stop looking at her. She looked like his niblet plus. She’d gotten her own style now, and he loved it. Exactly how he would’ve dressed her if he had the choice.
“What?” She asked, noticing him staring.
“You’re so beautiful” he said, his voice no louder than a whisper.
She smiled shyly, “you are” she said.
He laughed, getting up to grab her in a kiss, “that’s one thing I’ve never been called.”
“That’s because people are too afraid to tell you” she giggled in his arms.
“Wish we didn’t have to go out” he sighed, kissing her neck.
“We don’t have to” she said eagerly holding onto him.
“Your growling stomach disagrees” he said laughing, “and I need to get this deal over with.”
“Ok, oh and Willow and Tara are expecting me at the Bronze tonight. Xander will probably show too. Do you mind?”
“Do you mind? Not worried about them seeing us together?.”
“Of course not, why would I be?” she asked , kissing his cheek.
He kissed her again, never wanting to stop. Her acceptance of him was something that always got to him. She was the only one he’d ever met who accepted him wholly. She was proud when she walked next to him. He’d never had that.

Dawn felt like she was walking on air, she was afraid that she might suddenly open her eyes and it would be Friday morning at the hotel. This didn’t feel real. She was walking through the cemetery in Sunnydale, Spike's arm around her, and he kept kissing her. Like real kisses, and telling her she was beautiful and how much he wanted her.
They stopped at a payphone and Spike drop called someone, then he told her they had to wait there for a while.
“Alright Doctor?” Spike said as a big hench looking older guy walked towards them a little while later.
“It’s good you called early, this operation was about to be a bust.” The doctor said.
“Oh yeah, why’s that?”
“Another squad who doesn’t know what we’re up to has just landed in Sunnydale. They would’ve destroyed the eggs and you.”
“They could try “ Spike drawled.
“So let’s go, let’s get moving. There’s a removal team following me. They’ll come in once I confirm that the deals done.”
Spike nodded at the man then told Dawn, “just gotta walk back to the crypt baby ok? We won’t be long.”
“Ok” she agreed, holding him tight.
“Don’t be nervous,” he whispered in her ear, “he’s human.”
She nodded and smiled up at him. Spike always made her feel safe.
They got to the crypt and Spike told her to stay upstairs while he took his visitor down. Then he told the man that if any of his men stepped a foot in there while she was inside he’d rip their throats out.
As scary as that was, it made Dawn feel all warm inside.
She only had to wait five minutes, then Spike came back and up and told her “lets go, quick as you can pet,” and held her hand, taking her out into the cemetery.
When they got half way through she jumped, “don’t be scared” he told her.
There was a team of military guys running right past them.
“You’re doing business with them?” She asked.
“Yeah” he shrugged, “it’s not exactly kosher, black market sortta stuff but they pay exceptionally well. That ok?”
“As long as you’re safe” she told him.
He smiled down at her, that soppy smile that made her stomach flip.
“Is this really happening Spike? I mean i’m so afraid that i’m like stuck in some dream world or something, and that i’ll be pulled out of it any second.”
He pushed her up against a tree and kissed her so passionately it made her head spin, “feels real” he said breathlessly.

They got to the bronze and she really was starving by then, all she’d had was candy and cakes for the past twenty four hours.
Spike ordered them two blooming onions and two platters of buffalo wings. They got a small table under the stairs and Spike pulled his chair around so they could sit next to each other instead of across.
“This is nice” Dawn said, unable to contain her smile and happiness.
“Yeah, it is” Spike agreed, tucking her hair behind her ear then he swept it all to one side, “never got a chance to tell you how much I liked this” he said running his finger down her key tattoo at the back of her neck.
“You do?” She asked, pleased.
“Love it” he answered, with a lick over it. Dawn got shivers all down her spine.
“Spike?”
“Sweet bit?”
“I love you” she said, it was bursting out of her and she couldn’t keep it in anymore.
He spun her round in her chair, “what did you say?” He asked, shocked.
She gulped and repeated, “I love you Spike, I always have.”
He stared at her in what Dawn could only assume was shock for what felt like forever, she started to speak again.
“Its ok if you don’t fee..”
She was cut off by a kiss, “I love you, God I love you” he said, then kissed her again, “I love you sweet bit” he kept repeating it between kisses.
“Really?” Dawn asked
“Really, really.” He said, grinning, “say it again”
“I love you” she said giggling.
He pulled her off her chair and into his lap. “Never letting you go”
“Fine by me” she agreed, leaning into him.
He smiled at her then took her hand and kissed it, “eat your food baby, you’re hungry.”
“Ok” she started to eat and feed him at the same time.
When they were finished Dawn had to pry herself away from him to go to the bathroom and freshen up. When she came back he had ordered her a coke and a beer for himself. She sat back in his lap and drank.
Once they’d finished Spike asked if she wanted to dance. She definitely did.
So they went up to the dance floor and Dawn put on her best show for him. She’d always wanted to do this with him. She danced all around him, moving like a snake up and down his perfect body. He was breathing hard and holding her close, it felt so good.
“You are so sexy baby” he whispered in her ear.
“You are” she said, sticking her tongue out, he quickly licked it and then ended up kissing in the middle of the floor. When a slower song came on they slow danced, running their hands all over each other's arms and backs.
When that song was over, Dawn took his hand and was about to lead him to get a drink and she saw Buffy, Riley, Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya all watching them, mouths hanging open.
“Hi” Dawn waved, pulling Spike closer to her. She really wanted him to know that she didn’t care what they or anyone else thought, she loved him.
“Nobody say a word” Buffy ordered in her slayer voice, “Dawn” she said, stepping forward a little, Dawn thought she looked nervous.
“Can I?” She asked, putting her arms out for a hug.
Dawn couldn’t reject her sister, she nodded and let go of Spike’s hand to hug Buffy, “hi Buffy” she said, in her ear.
“Hey Dawnie” Buffy answered, squeezing her a little too tight, “you look so beautiful.”
“Thanks but, ribs” Dawn said wincing.
“Sorry” Buffy said, stepping back.
Willow and Tara had ushered the others away to a table.
“So?” Dawn asked, “Rileys here?”
“Yeah, he um, showed up on some mission. It was a bust, he’s just hanging out for a while till he’s called back.”
“That’s nice.” Dawn nodded, feeling awkward. She put her hand back in Spikes.
“Will you guys join us?” Buffy asked hopefully.
Dawn looked up at Spike
“If you want to princess”
Dawn saw Buffy looking uncomfortable but she was trying, so Dawn nodded “sure.”
When they got back to the table Xander was gone. Dawn knew he wouldn’t be able to handle this, at least he left instead of making a scene.
Spike went and got drinks for everyone, even Riley.
When he came back Dawn got up and sat in his lap. He smiled at her looking shy and she wanted to bite him.
She always knew she was badder than him.
It was all very awkward, everyone pretending that this was normal and Buffy glaring at everyone just daring them to say anything to Dawn.
It was obvious Buffy would accept anything just to see her again and it made Dawn happy. This was how it should be, everyone should be allowed to make their own decisions. Dawn had always thought so but the scoobies never got that memo.
“We’re gonna dance” Dawn said, pulling Spike up.
The music was upbeat and not too sexy that it would give them all a stroke, and Dawn was sick of everyone just looking at each other.
Spike spun her round, and dipped her making her laugh, then Willow followed them up and danced with them. Dawn hugged her from happiness and Spike spun the two girls around together.
Anya joined them soon after saying she felt left out of all the fun, and Tara stayed at the table talking to Buffy and Riley. The night went a lot better than Dawn would have expected.

The next day she had to go though, she had work that night.
Spike started to pack a bag when they woke up.
“What are you doing?” She asked
“What’s it look like?”
“You’re packing, but why?”
“Niblet, m’not leaving you for another day. I’ll find a factory or a crypt near the wankers place, or a demon B&B, i’ll sleep in the car, hell i’ll even swallow my pride and beg my poncey grandsire to take me in if I have to, but wherever you go, we go together.”
“You mean it? You’re done with Sunnydale and everything that comes with it?”
“I’m done with anything that isn’t you Dawn. You wanna be in LA, we’ll do that, even if it means being near Angel. You wanna go on a lifelong road trip or follow the bloody circus around? We can do that too. Just don’t leave me again.”
“Never” she promised.
“I love you sweet bit, and i’m never letting you go.”

After sunset they started the drive to LA. With the music blaring, widows down and Spike’s arm around her Dawn sighed contentedly. She looked back at Sunnydale only once. They would never return, she didn’t know what they’d do but that road trip idea was sounding good. All she knew was that she finally had what she wanted. She looked up into his blue eyes and smiled, “Spike?”
“Yeah sweet bit?”
“It’s me who’s never letting you go.”
He smiled and tightened his grip on her, and she felt at home. Under his arm, that’s where she belonged.