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I Can't Help Myself

Summary:

You're just someone with a case of brain fog looking to find tranquility and self-discovery in your life. Despite living in solitude, there's always someone showing up to make sure you aren't allowed peace for what you've done, but you aren't going down without a fight. Yet, no matter how much you run from the past, it always finds its way to you. Now all your fear and questionable actions seem to have manifested in a physical form, ready to torment you for eternity.

Notes:

Hi! This is my first fanfic, idk how any of this works. I made an AO3 account just so I could make this on here.

A playlist for your reading experience!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7vqNxY6RlJ7HUXhpnDzi6A

Some songs are picked for The Knocker specifically, while the rest go along with the story I have planned. (Chapter titles are MCR lyrics).

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: It Started With an Alright Scene

Chapter Text

A discontented sigh escapes you as you stare at the contents–or lack there of–in your cellar. You hadn’t remembered letting it get this low, but your memory had always been off. In fact, all your memories up until the last few years were a haze, but you have other things to concern yourself with. You know all too well how time stops for no one. The ache in your empty stomach confirms that.

You scraped together what you could to prepare a meal to satiate you. It wasn’t the most satisfying thing, but it would do. You’d have to visit the nearest village, unfortunately. Even more unfortunately, you weren’t much of a farmer–despite the fact that it would benefit you. You didn’t have the capacity to care for anything besides your trusty steed, Sugar. Though you did have a small wheat farm in your yard, since it was something that didn’t need as much attention. Either way, it wasn’t the season for them.

 

 

After noon, you’d begrudgingly completed a few house chores, then spent time taking care of Sugar. The unavoidable had come knocking at your door–the much needed trip to the village. Your snow white horse was freshly groomed and ready to go. Climbing onto her back, you set off in the direction of that dreadful town as the scenery changed to thick woodlands, and eventually, the path became lined with lanterns.

You carefully scanned your surroundings as you went. The shadowy thicket offers plenty of camouflage for any creature nearby. The feeling of being watched has been present at the back of your mind for months now. Though nothing had shown itself, so you couldn’t prove it. You assumed some sort of mercenaries or others were being cautious in their pursuit of the hefty price tag your head carried. Especially after several others over the last year had failed to bring you down. Either way, you carried your sword and dagger on both hips. You figured your lever action rifle should stay home lest you scare the already apprehensive villagers.

At last, the gateway into the village came into view. Mistport Village, which was home to an established trading port out in the swamp and estuary leading into the ocean. You had travelled back and forth across the country in your time. Originally from the southern parts, moving north for work, only to move back even further south to escape that previous life. Though you settled a bit outside of the swamp. As enchanting as the land could be, the bugs and humidity were nothing to scoff at.

Wary stares follow you as you lead Sugar to a hitch right outside the marketplace. Afterwards, you walked towards the stalls, noticing the area was strangely lacking crowds of shoppers. The scent of baked goods in market stalls offered some comfort for your nerves. A vegetable stall owner kept their gaze fixed on you as you picked yourself out some carrots, potatoes, and other vegetables for your desired dishes. After dropping three shimmering emeralds into the vendor’s hands, you made your way to the next stall. You snagged some bread and rice, then went onto your last stop of the day. The butcher before you was one of the more standoffish villagers you’d have to deal with. He sighed aloud as you approached. You return the same energy as you tossed the emeralds at him, and asked for a few cuts of beef. You noticed he passed you two less than what you asked for, and raised an eyebrow at him.

“My prices have gone up. If ya want more, ya hafta fork over more emeralds,” the butcher spoke at last.

What an asshole. You decided to leave, no words necessary.

With your shopping complete, you return to where you left Sugar. A familiar girl waited near your horse, her eyes light up when she sees you approach.

“Hey there!” she pipes up.

“Hey, Iris.” You returned a soft smile to her. She twirls her dark brown hair as she shifts her weight. “You looking for someone?” Your hands rested on your hips as you looked up at the sky. Sunset so soon?

“I saw you around, and decided to wait for you here,” Iris replies. “I wanted to speak to you–I mean, I wanted to tell you to be careful…Something’s been spotted not too far from your home. Though, not like the typical monsters that roam the land. Somewhat akin to…an enderman, according to how it was described.” She pauses to take a breath.

“I see…Is that why the city is rather empty today?”

She nods. “I hope no one’s giving you much trouble?”

“Oh just the butcher, as usual.”

Iris shakes her head in disapproval. “I wish everyone would stop giving you such a hard time. I tried to tell them you’re a good person! They’re all so fixated on the rumors they’ve heard prior. I mean, I’m sure you wouldn’t do such a thing! You haven’t shown yourself to be some…evil person with vile intentions. I think you’re wonderful.”

Hmm, how sweet. “You’re too kind. I’m sorry but I really need to get home before the sun goes down.”

Iris looks up at the sky. “Oh my, I’m sorry for keeping you, but it was nice seeing you!” She scurries off in a flustered manner.

You look at Sugar, who seems to be impatiently staring at you. “Alright, alright.”

The cool night air began settling in as you ventured back to your house. As the lanterns leading towards the village disappeared, so did the final rays of sunlight. You had long since grown accustomed to fighting monsters, but this new entity roaming around was not something you wanted to be caught off guard by. Especially with the lingering threat of those who want you dead. You encourage Sugar to pick up the pace as you look around and ponder what you’ll do for the night.

Your heart stops as you hear what sounds like something moving alongside you within the trees. Whether it’s just some animal, monsters, or something worse, you weren’t about to find out. You signaled to Sugar that it was time to go, to which she had already gotten the hint. After a bit of galloping, whatever had been near you seemed long gone now, but you remained on guard. Arriving back home, you were swift to return Sugar to her stable and lock yourself in your house.

Once inside, you tried to relax with a bath followed by reading a fantastical adventure novel in cozy candlelight. Even so, you couldn’t shake a sense of dread. You cautiously peaked out of the window curtains, but nothing was there to confirm your fears. Maybe you just needed some rest, and perhaps you would investigate your surroundings tomorrow. Not only would getting rid of any potential problems be beneficial for me, but it might even grant me some favor from the villagers of Mistport. That thought allows you to rest your eyes more eagerly. Throughout your slumber, you heard knocking that appeared out of place in your dreams, but you never woke.

 

***

 

The following morning, you forced yourself to get out of bed after staring off into space for a while. After a quick breakfast, you fixed yourself up and dressed in your old gear, with a belt fastened around your lower waist. Once again carrying your sword and dagger on said belt. You weren’t a big fan of armor, and opted for lighter but covering clothes that allowed for swift, light movement. You grabbed your boots by the door, lacing them up before grabbing your rifle off the rack on the wall.

You roamed the outskirts of the forest, gun at the ready if necessary. Every scuffle in your radius had you snapping your head in the direction of said noise. Sometimes, an eerie silence passes over the woods, and the increase in your heart rate becomes more apparent. Your thoughts became swamped by the ideas of what this creature could look like. But more importantly, could it be the presence you’ve sensed for a while now? Most people who came in search of you didn’t wait long to strike–or at least you didn’t think so, as you had never had this feeling of being watched, and you hated it. Mercenaries certainly didn’t waste time–you knew that well. The shadows in the trees felt threatening.

You called it a day after two hours of fruitless searching. More chores called your name, but most importantly, you collected various trinkets for your trinket collection during your search, and you were dying to scratch your itch and make some accessories. You’d worn the ones you made previously several times over, and wanted something new. Maybe that monster isn’t even worth my time. If it hasn’t shown itself, it’s probably just some timid creature. Your mind was easily distracted by this stroke of inspiration you found in the woods. Your hands got to work crafting a necklace of teeth and other items as everything else suddenly didn’t matter. Not even the subtle creaks and taps against your house that you chalked up to age and tree limbs.