Archive of Our Own

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Phantom twitches. They are driving Sehun mad. Involuntary movements that aren’t there that Sehun wishes with all his strength that were. Jongdae is completely still, hair out of his forehead, eyebrows unnaturally relaxed, half of his face obscured by the mask that keeps him breathing. Pale, weak, sleeping. Opposite him, Baekhyun looks the same. Abnormally silent, hands by his sides and unmoving, life connected to a ventilator.

The inner burning sensation that accompanies him, so constant that he wouldn’t be able to tell if it ever leaves him, starts to boil. He is yet to accept Junmyeon’s and Chanyeol’s logic as to why they haven’t woken them up. They have the resources, and the time, and the safety net; in Sehun’s eyes, they are only missing the will.

Junmyeon opens the door that had been left ajar and comes in, Sehun looks at the hour instinctively. Time to deliver their vitals for the register.

“No changes again,” he tells Junmyeon, and is happy with himself for keeping his voice as monotonous as possible, Jongin’s plea to be at least cordial always present.

Junmyeon breathes in deeply and exhales. “Good, that’s—” He purses his lips and without making eye contact he continues: “Dinner is ready, Kyungsoo is finishing up and he’ll be here in a bit so you can go eat.” He is out the door before Sehun can say anything to that, and the piece of his heart that has always belonged to Junmyeon gets a little bit more shattered.

Kyungsoo’s food is as hearty as usual, but it feels wrong having it by himself. Every awake person living in the estate is busy with something else, mainly, taking care of the three people who aren’t awake. The shrimp soup looks too red, the spice carrying its strength all the way to Sehun’s nose. It is good, full of flavor, and it breaks his spirit slightly. Sehun can’t remember when the last time they had a meal together was.

Jongin comes in with his hands in his pockets, head thrown back in a quick stretch and a low moan in his throat.

“I need a bath,” he says as he locks eyes with Sehun, hand massaging his neck as he rolls it slowly. “Would you join me if I draw one?” 

Sehun savors the bite of bread soaked in soup he has in his mouth, takes his time to look at Jongin before shaking his head.

“I’ll just shower today.”

Jongin gets closer to him leaning into the table and steals a slice of the sourdough bread Kyungsoo had ordered. “Are you punishing yourself again?” Sehun rolls his eyes but doesn’t deny it. “I’ll tell on you when they wake up, you know.”

“And when will that be?” Sehun challenges and immediately catches Jongin’s discomfort. “Sorry, I—”

“Yeah,” Jongin cuts him off. They look at each other earnestly, a truce that remains present these days serving as buffer, and then Jongin breaks the tension. “I’ll join your shower, I need you to scrub my back.” He stands up and reaches for Sehun’s hand. “Ready?”

“You’re not having dinner?” Sehun puts his plate in the sink and opens the faucet to leave it soaking before grabbing Jongin’s hand.

“Later,” he replies. “Let’s go.”

The height difference, although minimal, is enough for Sehun to fully appreciate the line of Jongin’s shoulders. He is not completely convinced it doesn’t have anything to do with his power, the way his body moves, with a grace as unique as the shape of his lips, a fluidity so natural it has to be otherworldly. Sehun touches his waist to keep him still in that familiar way of them, draws a sharp intake of breath, and feels something settle within himself. 

“Your hair is getting long,” Sehun says as he rinses Jongin’s skin.

“Yours too,” the teleporter remarks and Sehun can hear a smile there, “and Junmyeon’s and Chanyeol’s. Kyungsoo is lucky he had Yixing cutting his hair before coming here.” Sehun hums, takes water into his cupped hands and lets it fall on Jongin’s back. “Should we argue that? Tell them we need to wake Jongdae up ‘cause our hair is too long now and I refuse to let it be cut by anyone else?”

Sehun notices his simmering emotions coming to the surface again. He tries to deflect.

“I don’t think they’ll listen,” he sighs. “They haven’t, so far.”

“They do have a point, Sehun. I get it.”

“You think so?” Sehun asks, affronted. “Do you really get it? Because I don’t.”

“We’re being cautious like this,” Jongin replies. He shuts off the shower and gets out, leaving Sehun to do the same before continuing: “It hasn’t been long since we got them back. Yixing is not here. And we honestly don’t know enough—”

“I know!” Sehun snaps. Jongin already has his bathroom robe tied up, the water droplets dripping from his hair dimly reflecting the light. “It’s just—”

“I know.” Grabbing a towel and with patient touch, Jongin drapes Sehun’s head and starts rubbing his hair. “Let’s get to bed, we can talk about it more tomorrow.”

Sehun goes willingly. “Will Chanyeol be okay?”

“Mhm,” Jongin hums. “He looked—” He takes a moment to find the right words while he walks over to the dresser, “more stable today. And Junmyeon and Kyungsoo will be around.”

“No news from Yixing yet.”

“Not yet.” Jongin starts getting dressed at the same time as Sehun, they sit on the bed, throw the towels into the laundry basket and they both let the conversation pause.

As they fall into bed, Jongin continues: “Kyungsoo might go look for him at this rate.” 

“He is looking more detached lately,” he adds to Jongin’s statement, feeling unreasonably slighted at the thought of Kyungsoo. He grabs the covers to get under them before Jongin does the same. “I wouldn’t blame him if he just leaves for the sake of leaving.” The cover of the sheets is fresh against his clean skin, he secretly thanks Jongin for improving his night with his company.

“Don’t say that.” 

Sehun presses his lips into a thin line and looks at Jongin remorsefully. “Sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry if you don’t mean it, Oh Sehun.”

Sehun makes use of his strength and brings Jongin into his embrace. Jongin’s body fits well in there. “Sorry,” he whispers into his neck. “Really.”

He feels Jongin’s nod and his attempt to pull back. Sehun lets go and is rewarded with a press on his lips from Jongin’s own. He smiles into it, and feels his anger finally go down.

The cold is biting against his cheeks, the sun hasn’t come up and by then, he’s running back by the edge of the forest carrying Jongin’s warmth as a token. The freezing air gets into his lungs and the slight pain that that produces clears his head in ways nothing else can. 

Sehun is a few yards away from the entrance when he sees him. Jongin was right, his hair is also getting too long. It’s unfair it makes him look even more beautiful.

“Junmyeon,” Sehun says as a greeting and the look he receives in exchange pins him to his place and stabs at him a thousand times. 

They don’t say anything else. Junmyeon gets closer with a couple of tentative steps, grabs at his wrists and pulls him in. He’s kissing him like a lifeline, and Sehun loves him too much to deny him this.

He feels Junmyeon’s hands travel up his arms, shoulders, to lock behind his neck. Sehun’s own hands find their position on the lower part of his back that arches at the contact, and it drives Sehun to push him against the main gate. Junmyeon’s moan gets swallowed between their breaths just before they stop to look at each other’s eyes.

Junmyeon leans in again, takes Sehun’s bottom lip in a small bite that makes them both dizzy before letting his head fall against the iron bars of the gate and sliding his hands down his chest to push him away. Sehun surrenders to everything Junmyeon asks of him.

“I’ll go help Kyungsoo with breakfast, Jongin is with them but Chanyeol might need to sleep longer today. Can you—”

“Of course.” Sehun gets close, offering a kiss that Junmyeon takes. “Of course, Junmyeon.”

The air, as many of the things in their life recently, is tense. Immovable forces on the brink of collision, an impact that can only be counteracted by the steadfastness of a bruised love. Sehun is looking straight to Chanyeol, waiting for an answer to his, albeit rhetorical, question while the taller man avoids any type of contact. Junmyeon, arms crossed and standing near the door, glares at him with barely concealed aversion. Sehun thinks it’s funny how even when being closer to Chanyeol tenses the line of his shoulders, Junmyeon doesn’t look like he’s close to taking Sehun’s side. He also knows it makes sense. 

He still remembers. Sehun feels slightly guilty when the many nights Minseok had to sleep with them just so Junmyeon could get uninterrupted sleep during the summer come back to him, it’s easy to go back to when the memories of Junmyeon’s last waking up felt fresher. 

Chanyeol breathes out, a thread of voice. “I don’t want Minseok—” he says as he looks at him, lying still on the bed, the impact of his features not overshadowed by the amount of days he has been under their care. “I don’t want them to be in pain.”

It knocks the air out of Sehun’s chest, the buzz of anger that constantly hums at the back of his head suddenly getting louder. 

“You think I do?” He too uses a thread of voice but the difference is as clear as the frozen rivers Minseok used to make out of Junmyeon’s springs, and just as cold and biting. Chanyeol flinches at the words and finally looks up to lock eyes with him, hurt and fear mixed with regret.

Sehun takes a step closer, all rational thought slipping through the last of his restraint, and can hear more than see that Junmyeon has started dripping, surely getting ready to play defense if needed.

A sad scoff out of Sehun surprises them all.

He is mad. He could start a fight with Chanyeol since he immensely enjoys playing with fire from time to time, and he could even get close to a win if he wanted. He’s offended they seem to think he would inside Minseok’s room. With a roll of his eyes, his body sags, and Junmyeon knows him well enough to stop his waters from pouring out. If things were different, he would roll his eyes too, embed them with fondness and call Sehun a brat, but as things stand, Sehun walks past them and goes looking for the one person who wants the same thing as him.

With his usual silent steps, he sneaks behind Kyungsoo while he drops chopped zucchini into a boiling pot of water. Sehun takes advantage of his temporary unawareness and stands behind him, so when Kyungsoo turns to grab the carrots he had prepared, he finds himself trapped between Sehun and the stove.

“Hey!” he says as he pushes Sehun out of the way. “Don’t do that. Do you want me to burn?” Kyungsoo goes to grab the rest of the veggies for the broth but Sehun beats him to it and passes them to him.

“Junmyeon would put you out.” His name leaves a bitter mark on Sehun’s tongue, similar to the way citrus skin coats his fingers and makes them taste tart. “I think.” He rounds the kitchen island and sits on his preferred spot, at the far left side of the long dining table. “He was watering all over a few minutes ago.”

Kyungsoo turns to him, suspicion in his eyes. “Why?”

“He thought I was about to attack Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo questions that with a look and an almost scowl. “I wasn’t. We were indoors.”

“You would have? If you hadn’t been?”

Sehun reaches for the fruit bowl in front of him and grabs a tangerine, skill rough under his fingertips. Kyungsoo is still busy cooking, but Sehun knows him enough to know he’s paying attention. He peels the sticker off the tangerine’s skin, mulls over the question.

“I was pretty mad.” Kyungsoo looks over briefly, Sehun doesn’t want to look up. “And Chanyeol and I haven’t fought in a while.”

He hears Kyungsoo moving closer and his whole body tightens and releases as his hands come into view. 

“You shouldn’t fight without Baekhyun and Jongdae there to be referees,” he says as he holds him, Sehun’s head naturally falling on his chest. The steady cadence of his breathing helps all his built up emotions melt, Sehun going almost limp with the relief of it.

The room is warm thanks to the hard work of the stove, its only sound a constant simmering that turns into comforting the more seconds go by, and Kyungsoo’s hands on him are a weight he welcomes. And that’s why his next words resemble a winter frost.

“I won’t be here either.” It’s the first time Sehun hears this, so he raises his head from Kyungsoo’s sternum to look at him. “We need to get in contact with Yixing,” he explains, “we need to know how safely we can wake them up.”

“Why doesn’t Jongin go?” he presses with a petulant tone and furrowed brow. “It would be faster.”

“Sehun.” The plea to stop goes unsaid. “He doesn’t want to leave Jongdae’s side.” They look for clarity in each other’s eyes, desperately. “Or yours.”

“And I don’t want you to leave mine.” His only true ally. The only other person who wants to do something instead of just waiting. 

Ah... Right.

He is doing something by leaving. 

Sehun shakes his head, pulling himself together and trying to dismiss the sudden worry in Kyungsoo’s eyes at the same time. “It’ll be fine. You’re right.” He sees Kyungsoo rake his eyes over his face and he’s glad he’s a decent actor. “I won’t be picking fights and I’ll take over the kitchen.” It makes Kyungsoo smile. 

“Taking over seems a bit…”

His words get cut off by Junmyeon coming in. He’s wearing a new, dry, shirt and Sehun finds that funny. He suppresses a smile and looks away. 

“Hey,” he says, and Sehun distinctly feels how the greeting is aimed at Kyungsoo only. “Jongin needs a hand to administer the vials today. Minseok’s temperature dropped two degrees for a few minutes, Chanyeol doesn’t want to leave the room. Could you—”

“Mhm,” he answers before Junmyeon can finish the question, taking off his apron and letting it fall on Sehun’s lap. He points to the stove with his chin as he leaves the room and Sehun gets up to stir the food Kyungsoo had been making. Junmyeon takes the chair he was on, far left side, and grabs an apple, pink crisp, removing the sticker without a second thought. 

Sehun scrapes the bottom of the pot gently, making sure the food is not burning.

He hears Junmyeon bite into the fruit and chances a glance because he knows how much like Junmyeon he looks when he chews. Something sharp inside him ignites when he realizes Junmyeon is already looking at him; he looks away.

“Do you want me to apologize?” are the first words that come out of Junmyeon’s mouth. With a clean spoon, Sehun tries the beef broth and decides a little more salt is needed. He grabs the salt container and adds a pinch of it before lowering the heat and turning towards who will always be the person that has known him the longest, and most of the time, the best.

“No,” he tells him as he leans on the counter. “You know I wouldn’t— Please tell me you know I wouldn’t start an actual fight inside Minseok’s room.”

“I know.”

“Then why—” 

“I think it was me who wanted to fight.” 

And that is just plain wrong. He’s the neutral force by default, the take it guy, the grin and bear it, the pick and prod but never actually mean it. The word ‘fight’ is foreign in his voice and it makes Sehun notice his details for the first time. The chapped lips, the hollow of his cheeks a tad more pronounced, the shine of his dark brown hair gone. His hands, insecure around the apple. He looks thinner and drained and a question pops up in Sehun’s mind.

“Where are you sleeping?” Sehun expects the answer to be at Chanyeol’s, or maybe with Jongin when he’s not with you, but he knows the answer won’t be anything similar just from the way Junmyeon’s shoulders drop.

“In my room.” A drop of the apple juice follows the line of his thumb. “When I sleep.”

The corners of Sehun’s mouth drop down. If Chanyeol were there, if things were different, he would have been making fun of his pout by now. It’s almost funny how much Junmyeon’s loneliness hurts him, a mean laugh tucked inside his chest. But as things are, Junmyeon is the one laughing, something dry and void.

“The selfish part of me wants to wake them up so things can go back to normal,” he says, his upper lip slightly curled in disgust. “But what kind of guardian would I be, if I let my interests intervene.”

“Junmyeon—”

“I won’t change my mind unless we have more information,” he firmly states as he slowly stands up. Sehun knows when he starts to lose him, Junmyeon’s expression getting colder and his stance too defensive to be familiar. The abandoned apple with two bites on the table. “Deal with that however you want.”

Sehun turns to the stove, to the slowly boiling broth and stirs it with a shaky hand.

He, more than ever before, hopes Kyungsoo’s quest is successful.

Days are different with one person gone. The four of them feel spread too thin, stretched too much. If Junmyeon hadn’t been sleeping before it’s worse now, but now Sehun knows to take longer shifts so Jongin can go to bed with him. Junmyeon sleeps little but better, and the new shine of his skin attests to that. The three of them have taken to the kitchen, but specially Sehun. He gets angry less and less the busier he is, and Jongin has fully taken advantage of that. He asks for snacks and time-consuming food to keep him out of the rooms and Sehun hates it. He goes to make whatever Jongin asks for either way.

They are like that, always have been.

“What?” Jongin says one night while they get ready for bed, Junmyeon and Chanyeol on bedside duty for the night. Sehun is looking at him through the bathroom mirror as he changes his day clothes and Jongin brushes his teeth. It’d be an unnerving look if it hadn’t lost all its effect on Jongin. “What?” he repeats, half laughing.

Sehun shakes his head, fond of the man in front of him, and throws on one of his many grey shirts. “You’re on meal duty tomorrow,” he tells Jongin before getting under the covers and turning on the lamp on his side. He hears Jongin spit the toothpaste and turn off the lights of the ensuite.

“Sure,” Jongin answers as he gets under the covers.

When they’re both comfortable and with their eyes closed, Sehun reaches for his hand. Jongin grabs it in the darkness.

Jongin, Junmyeon, and Sehun do their best to keep the situation afloat and the estate running. Chanyeol is a whole other story.

After they had gotten them back, with a rushed rescue mission that gave them three limp bodies and no idea how to deal with them, Chanyeol had been the one to oppose firmly from the beginning to waking them up. No one really dared to confront the reason, they all remembered.

Years ago, Chanyeol and Junmyeon had been captured together, and kept for months. None of them were even remotely close to getting them back when suddenly, the Red Force dropped them off at their doorstep, unconscious. That should've been the first sign.

Yixing worked hard to wake them up and without information, he couldn't have known that by doing so they would experience the other's power in a way that was almost deadly. Chanyeol spat and drowned with each breath, and Junmyeon felt he was burning alive.

It took three days for their powers to go back to normal, and it took months for them to put the pain behind. But the effect of it could still be seen in Junmyeon’s stiff body and minute flinches whenever they got too close to each other. It had also made Chanyeol miserable, and the memory of it had seeped into his bones for too long to be so easily ignored.

Sehun looks at him, hunched and completely immovable to the world as he keeps Minseok and the room’s temperature on the same measurement for hours on end, and feels like he is the one to keep him moving.

Having been standing next to him for many minutes that got him nowhere, he kicks Chanyeol’s shoe to get his attention. His big eyes slowly move up to gaze at him and Sehun feels slightly bad he hadn’t come sooner.

“Get up, it’s hygiene time.”

“What?”

“You reek,” he tells him bluntly, “If you don’t go get clean Minseok will get up to drag you to a shower.”

“I have to—”

“Jongin is ready with the heaters and a bunch of heat compresses and blankets to keep him warm.”

“It’s easier if I—”

“And Junmyeon is hoping to take a nap with you after you shower and have dinner.”

“Sehun—”

“We’re not budging, Yeol. Do you know how hard it was for me and Junmyeon to work on something together?” he half jokes to Chanyeol’s small rejection. Sehun places a hand on his shoulders, presses in a way he used to to give him comfort, and it does the trick.

Chanyeol closes his eyes and sighs. At the same time, Sehun can feel a wave of warmth that will surely keep Jongin and Minseok going for a while and his hand drops from where it was when Chanyeol stands up.

It’s not a lot, Sehun is aware, but it’s something. It’s a start.

Days are different with one person gone. More often than not they all find themselves doing things alone, going to sleep to an empty bed, prepping meals in a kitchen that never seemed to quiet before. The once luscious gardens of the estate show a drier face, and become unrecognizable as days go by. With three missing members, and then two more, a company of four turns out to be very lonely. Even more so when each has a duty to fulfill.

Sehun adjusts his position on the loveseat for the third time in what will be another long night. It’s Jongin and Junmyeon’s turn to rest, so he’s in charge of looking after Baekhyun and Jongdae while Chanyeol, once again, stays with Minseok.

They check them every morning and every night. No changes. Breathing is regular; blood pressure, regular; sugar levels, all regular; only Minseok’s temperature varies every other week and never more than two or three degrees lower which is normal for him; their reflexes remain the same and the reaction of their pupils is unchanging. ‘It’s a matter of waiting’, Sehun has been told. Each time it is harder to listen to those words.

He looks at them and just the way they’re lying there gives him shivers. Baekhyun usually sleeps with his mouth slightly open, hands above his head, and a leg above the covers. Jongdae curls up as he’s falling asleep and hugs a pillow, or Sehun if they’re together during the night. Nothing like the statuesque lifelessness they exude at the moment. Sehun looks at them and bites his lip, hard, a habit he has now to avoid tearing up all the time.

A sound from the hall distracts him, gentle steps that are all too familiar. Junmyeon’s head peeks into the room, looking more awake than he should at this hour but by the looks of his sleep clothes and frizzy hair, it seems he at least tried to go to sleep.

Sehun readjusts once more as Junmyeon enters the room and eyes the free spot on the sofa. Junmyeon doesn’t take it, he sits on the floor with his back against it, giving Sehun the opportunity to look at him freely. Under the cover of a sleepless night, they both pretend everything is okay between them.

“No changes,” Sehun whispers, just to break the coldness of silence, and takes in Junmyeon’s pretty profile as he slowly nods.

It’s been a while since they’ve done this. They would stay awake together, face the restless nights in each other’s company until the disagreement drew a line that was too hard to ignore. Junmyeon stopped coming into the room. Sehun stopped looking at his profile.

“I’m worried,” Junmyeon suddenly says.

“Hm?”

“Kyungsoo’s updates,” he whispers, afraid, “the space between them is getting longer and longer and—” he takes a sharp breath— “they’re getting shorter too.”

Sehun knows what that might mean, they know the pattern of a hiding man.

“But they haven’t stopped yet.” It’s said as an affirmation but Sehun’s tone transforms it into a fearful question.

Junmyeon turns to look at him, his eyes clear and honest and loving, flicking the same way the candles on the wall do. “Not yet.”

It’s the truth, Sehun knows. But it tastes like a very sweet lie.

Unsurprisingly, Junmyeon’s words do a lot to keep rest away from Sehun’s reach. He has found more shapes on the texture of his room’s ceiling these past couple of nights than his whole time living there, and he gets sick of them quicker than ever. Throwing the duvet to the side, he stands up and leaves his room quietly.

The halls are cold for the most part and tonight is no exception. Sehun’s body does its best to retain heat but it’s proven hard when he has decided to walk around barefoot. The dim light of the night keeps him covered and the blind spots the walls and pillars provide him with an extra layer of concealment. He knows he doesn’t need to hide, and yet…

There is something in the air tonight, something his winds keep repeating by swirling around him and Sehun can’t help being a little wary.

He stands still in front of Baekhyun and Jongdae’s door where Junmyeon is keeping watch and doesn’t do anything to get in. Sehun is frozen in place by the weak sounds coming from inside. Junmyeon’s faint sniffles.

It’s a confirmation of something Sehun knew could happen. It’s everything he was scared of. 

It’s Kyungsoo, lost.

“When did the last message come through?” Sehun asks, arms crossed and leaning on the wall next to the door. His nerves have been frying ever since he found Junmyeon crying during the night, and he wants a free path to the exit in case—

“A week and a half ago,” Junmyeon answers, back straight and face almost severe. If Sehun looks for it, he knows he’ll find the little muscle on his brow that furrows when he’s upset moving downwards.

“What did it say?” Chanyeol asks with one hand on Minseok’s shin and the other supporting his own chin, elbow resting on his thigh.

“That he had seen Yixing but they didn’t have time to talk.” Junmyeon crosses his legs and interwines his fingers on top of his knee as he replies, his nervous thumb-tapping making an appearance. “No more details beyond that.”

Jongin takes his time to look at everyone before saying anything, he notices Sehun’s closed off posture and Chanyeol’s worried eyes looking down and Junmyeon’s stoic poise. Something about the whole picture makes it hard to look at them.

“Do we think he was in a rush, then?”

“What else if not,” the oldest responds, a purse finding his lips as the words leave his mouth.

A week and a half is not too bad, the logical part of Sehun’s mind tries to tell him. It only means the weekly expected message is a few days late. Still—

“What now?”

“We have no way of knowing—” Junmyeon starts but Sehun’s already prickly tone has him on edge. “We don’t know he’s been captured. We don’t even know if he reached Yixing in time.”

Jongin, sensing the mood going sour, intervenes. “Should I go looking for him?”

“No,” he declares and raises his eyes to meet Jongin’s, glances quickly at Chanyeol who’s busy looking at Minseok’s sleeping frame. “It could be a trap,” Junmyeon explains with a heavy sigh and regret coating his words. “We’ll have to wait.”

The words hit Sehun’s ears like a strident warning. The sentence deflates him, defeats him in a way nothing else in the world could. It’s not funny and yet, a laugh is all Sehun has to give in that moment.

“Of course,” he scoffs and Junmyeon licks his lips like he was waiting for it.

“Sehun.”

“It’s the only answer you know,” Sehun hisses. Jongin nervously looks back and forth and Sehun is sure he’s ready to grab him and remove him from the room if needed. At that, the winds that had gathered around his fists dissolve with stable care. “Sure, let’s wait.” Junmyeon raises his chin to the defiant tone and hardens his look. “Let’s all wait until we’re truly the only ones left.”

“Se—”

Before Jongin can finish, he’s out the door and patting himself on the back for anticipating something like this happening, pretty close to happy for preventing any kind of escalation. 

The halls of the house pass him by in a blur, though he knows he’s not going fast. It’s just an after effect of removing himself so abruptly while Jongin’s magnetism was affecting him and if he’s being honest, Sehun thinks as he reaches the front garden and sits on one of the benches, walking away from them doesn’t feel so heartbreaking for some reason.

The some reason turns out to have been following him quietly, and as Sehun breathes out his spike of anger, Junmyeon sits next to him. Sehun’s body tenses when he realizes, making Junmyeon reach for his wrist to keep him in place.

“Stay for a bit.”

Sehun looks down to where their skin is touching and up to Junmyeon’s face. Some of the irritation he had released loops back at seeing him so calm but when the touch fully registers in Sehun’s brain, he eases into the bench once more.

“You scared me.” Sehun twists his wrist to free himself and fights the pang of remorse he feels when he sees Junmyeon scoot further away.

“Sorry, I thought you’d heard me.”

“My detection skills are a bit rusty, with all of us cooped in two rooms for so long.”

“Really?” Junmyeon jolts. He had never heard of any of Sehun’s abilities getting weak, and a quick look at Sehun’s expression tells him he’s only joking. He relaxes and feels bold enough to bump him with his shoulder. “Brat,” he teases and is pleased to see the hint of a smile in return. “You seem—” he rakes his eyes over Sehun’s open expression, ends up on the lopsided corner of his lips— “not mad.”

“Practice makes perfect.”

Humor, they find, tastes odd between each other but it’s not entirely unwelcome. Sehun turns away, looks straight forward and Junmyeon copies him. The bench suddenly feels like a neutral space, a bubble that allows them to exist without resentment, with their walls down. Junmyeon wants to stay there, Sehun has another idea.

“I am mad though,” he says with a thread of voice. He then drops his head to his chest. “I’m also very tired.”

“We all are,” Junmyeon says and gets an acknowledgement nod. As far as he can tell, he won’t have a better chance to say something any time soon so he continues: “It’s not easy for me to make these decisions.” He surprises himself with how firm his voice sounds, finds it easy to keep going. “But it becomes really hard when you’re completely against them.” Sehun turns his face to look at him. “I’m asking for a little bit of grace.”

For a minute, Sehun says nothing. He doesn’t break eye contact, he doesn’t move, he just stares. Then, as if slowly going back to life, his brow furrows.

“That’s what I’ve been giving you, Junmyeon.”

The bubble pops, and Sehun leaves.

A new day arrives after every tiring day. It doesn’t become easier or gradually better or even remotely salvageable, the days just… happen. The routine doesn’t change, none of them do, time keeps passing like it’ll always do. The remaining four keep on, focused on what needs to be done even when they carry wherever they go broken bonds and a life that is incomplete.

Jongin smiles and jokes and laughs with all his might because he feels like going crazy when he doesn’t. Chanyeol has changed back to his soft self but adding a sharpness around the edges that keeps the rest at bay. Junmyeon stays quiet for the most part, but laughs at Jongin’s comments and accompanies Chanyeol every time it’s needed. Sehun does the same, and when he goes silent for days at a time, no one says anything. He’s still around and for the moment, that’s enough.

Dread lives with and within them, it seeps into every conversation and every gesture and it gets heavier with each day. They sleep alone, on chairs and permanently on edge and then it’s been six weeks and Kyungsoo is still missing and each look and each word exchanged becomes more painful.

But they still wait.

A solar eclipse comes and goes, and there are no changes.

As soon as Sehun enters the room for his night turn, Jongin stands up with a suppressed yawn. He leaves him with a pat on his back and a shake of his head which is easily translated to nothing to worry about, all good. Sehun takes the loveseat, cross-legged, and lets the first three hours go by in silence.

When he starts to feel the cold of the middle of the night, he stands up and goes to Baekhyun’s bed, sitting at the foot of it. It’s a reprieve of his constant worry, to place his hand on the other’s and feel warmth. As if a burst of light chased all darkness inside his mind, all anxious thoughts disappear. 

“Baekhyun,” he whispers to the room. He steals a glance at Jongdae’s sleeping form and his heart hurts when everything remains the same. “Baekhyun,” he tries again but there’s nothing.

He nods to nothing in particular, presses his lips in a line and goes back to the loveseat. The cold veil of the night doesn’t feel so bitter anymore.

When Junmyeon comes to relieve him in the morning, Sehun gives him a shake of the head, a quick nothing to worry about, all good, before leaving the house for a walk around the outer gardens.

The morning cold is something Sehun will always welcome. His very early memories of finding his power were gusts of wind dancing beneath his feet and exploding upwards to lift him up a couple of centimetres, making his arms and face numb after playing with it for hours. Feeling cold was, to him, a way to feel awake. Hearing his own steps as he walks is another one. Going back to a house where the most important people in his life are is one more.

And as he does, as he gets closer to the gate, he sees Jongin sprinting out of the house. Sehun’s heart drops and Jongin is in front of him the next second with a whisper of air around him.

“We got a message,” he tells Sehun as he grabs him by the forearms. Before he has a second to react, they’re both travelling to the studio where the computer is.

“Kyungsoo?”

“It’s encrypted, I don’t know.”

“Where’s Junmyeon?”

“Doing the check ups.” Sehun nods since now he gets why Jongin didn’t go directly to him.

So he sits on the desk chair and looks at the message, the lines and lines of letters and numbers staring back at him. Sehun and Jongin look at each other with a small hint of despair since he’ll be the first to accept decoding is not his thing, Jongdae and Junmyeon being the best at it and Jongin being the worst. Sighing, he grabs the mouse. He at least knows the basics to send an SOS call with his own encoded mark, and he can identify the others’.

Kyungsoo’s signature should be on the last set of lines, at the beginning of the sentences. Sehun looks once, twice, and three more times. Where Kyungsoo’s signature should be there is nothing, not even a chopped or rushed version of it. Sehun stares at the screen in confusion.

“So?”

“It doesn’t—” Unless…

He scrolls up to look for a different signature, one that should be at the top. A smile breaks out on his face when he sees it. “Get hyung.”

Jongin complies without asking for more, teleporting softly.

Sehun reads again the series of letters and numbers he has memorized and a breath of relief, almost a scoff, comes out of him.

It’s Yixing. Yixing showing signs of life.

Sehun treads the halls of their house with his anger below the simmering point. It’s been a while since he felt like this and it’s a relief to finally see some type of resolution in front of them. Yixing had arrived fourteen days after his message with Kyungsoo in tow and a meeting had happened immediately.

“The good news is,” he said, dimple showing, “we can wake them up as soon as we want.”

Sehun felt the weight of a couple of pairs of eyes on him.

“What exactly did you find?”

“No experimentations were done on them,” he assured, “they did take a lot of their blood and used that and that means they’re on the first level of unconsciousness. Maybe on the second.”

“So,” Jongin started, “no danger in waking them up?”

“Some side effects will show, I’m sure, but no,” Yixing explained with a comforting nod and a small smile, “no danger.”

For the first time in months, the silence didn’t feel like choking them. Sehun glanced at Junmyeon, who was already looking at him, and the edges of their almost severed connection stung.

As he walks to Baekhyun and Jongdae’s room, he shakes his head to get rid of that mental image and puts on a happier face. He knocks on the door gently and goes in, finding Yixing with a hand on Baekhyun’s sternum and Junmyeon by his side, who gives him a short nod and a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it smile before turning his attention back to Yixing.

Sehun quietly sits down leaning forward with both elbows resting on his thighs and almost reads what Yixing is also reading. Baekhyun’s energy, he had said, is bright and unclogged, ready to wake him up at any time. Jongdae’s had been a little weaker but still steady, while Minseok’s had been too hard to find at the beginning. Yixing had been working on making it more stable daily, and his labor had been fruitful so far.

The waking day coming closer and closer.

Sehun’s focus on Yixing’s movements breaks when Junmyeon exits the room, a bitter aftertaste flooding Sehun’s tongue. Almost immediately, Yixing stops. He stands up and cracks his neck and wrists before sitting next to Sehun on the loveseat, and stretches his arm along the back of the chair.

“What was that?” he asks, all curious eyes.

Sehun had missed him so much. “What?”

“The energy between you two is very loud,” he explains while studying his reaction, “and I’m not blind.”

It makes Sehun crack a smile but unfortunately doesn’t give him an out. He has to face it, try to name whatever has been happening.

“Things were—” he pauses— “tense, here. I guess we have to navigate our way back.”

“Or to a new place.” Yixing turns his whole body to look at Sehun. “Things were tense, things happened, you won’t be able to delete any of that.”

Sehun nods at him but finds it’s hard to look him in the eyes, a contradictory mix of embarrassment and pride. If this is what it feels like with Yixing, he can’t imagine how it’ll go with Chanyeol, or Junmyeon. And how will he face the others? After being so reckless about their state.

Yixing must read some of that on his face, because he adds: “I heard you were a bit stubborn.”

A sad chuckle comes out of Sehun. “It felt like I was going mad.”

“Yeah,” Yixing concedes as if confirming something. “Don’t try to forget what happened these past months. Work with it.” He pats Sehun’s knee twice and goes to sit next to Jongdae to start a reading.

Sehun stays in the room with them but his thoughts travel to a place that’s not a place at all. It’s a moment. Where everyone stops tiptoeing around each other and Sehun’s worries get soothed. Where the memory of waiting stops feeling like a prison sentence.

The type of loneliness Sehun experiences after that is not so oppressive. Kyungsoo is busy keeping Yixing company and helping around the house, and Jongin makes sure Chanyeol slowly but surely revives to his old self by having all meals with him, but while he wasn’t so attached to Jongdae when fully asleep, he now doesn’t stay far away for longer than necessary. Many more times than a few Sehun has found him with half of his body on top of Jongdae in the middle of the night, even when it’s not his turn to stay up with them.

Sehun understands this period will be busy and does the performance of going to bed alone and happy perfectly. The rotation of their sleeping schedule is all over the place, long forgotten, so there’s no use in stalling.

But just in case, he leaves the door unlocked.

That just in case provides something he was secretly longing for.

His door opens, he’s half awake and so he turns to the sound of muffled steps coming closer and instinctively opens the covers to invite him in.

Junmyeon fits perfectly.

His hair smells clean and still feels slightly damp, so Sehun wonders if it’s been long since he came out of the shower and was just waiting to come in. In his arms, Junmyeon deeply breathes in and slowly breathes out before pulling Sehun closer. That action, so minuscule, brings too many feelings forth and Sehun is not particularly ready to let any of them out.

He presses the solid body of Junmyeon even closer to him, chest to chest and legs intertwined, and noses the side of his face. It’s foreign after so long and for a second he fears the action is not welcome anymore, but then Junmyeon breathes in and out again and Sehun relaxes.

“How are things going for tomorrow?” he whispers knowing that even if Junmyeon is falling asleep, he’ll try to answer.

“Well,” he confidently says, “everything’s going well.” He pauses, pushes himself back to look at Sehun and is happy when neither of them hide away from the eye contact. “Yixing said it’s as good a time as any. Baekhyun’s energy is practically jumping out of him, and he told me he felt a shock when he grabbed Jongdae’s hand yesterday.”

“And…?” Sehun prompts.

“Minseok is well too, it’s been—”

“A week.”

“Yeah, a week since Chanyeol stopped aiding his temperature.”

“Mm.” Sehun nods, pleased, “as good a time as any.”

Sleepiness crawls between them, and he doesn’t have the time to register anything else before falling.

The door is open. Yixing is inside with Kyungsoo and Junmyeon and soft rustling can be heard from inside all the way to the hall. It’s pretty obvious when Minseok is awakened, when a thin layer of frost covers the floor and the walls that Chanyeol melts with his steps as he goes in to see him, dazed. Jongin and Sehun look at each other and smile. They will tease him about it later.

Yixing and Kyungsoo move to the other room and again, there is no hiding the effects of Jongdae waking up, all the bulbs of the house incandescing too much as a fresh wave of electric energy feeds them. Sehun only sees Jongin’s back as he disappears into the room.

It doesn’t take long to know something else changes. Sehun instantly knows when Baekhyun awakens, all the shadows of the house disappearing for a couple of seconds, giving reality a warped look. When everything goes back to normal, Sehun follows the effect into the room and for the first time since they heard they had been captured, tears freely spring to his eyes.

“Baekhyun,” he half whispers and half begs, and this time with a glimmer in his eyes and a smile brightening his face, there is an answer.

“Sehunie.” The sound of it is like glistening crystals singing in the wind, Sehun’s legs shake as he gets closer to the bed and gently falls, grabbing Baekhyun’s hand at the same time. “Happy to see you again.”

Saying that the house feels alive is an understatement. Noise fills almost every nook and cranny, movement every corner. No one is ever alone and the novelty makes it sweet. Kyungsoo, everyone knows, will probably be the first to break and will leave for the old gardener’s shed where he usually resides. Yixing might follow but just because the green house is next door.

The recovery of everyone has been, thankfully, uneventful, although they still have a long way to be left completely alone. Yixing helps rehabilitate the muscle they lost but nothing beats actual physical therapy. Jongdae has started to walk again but gets tired easily, and Baekhyun has decided to take it easy, absorb the care everyone gives them diligently. 

Minseok, more than the others, is happy to have been woken up at the beginning of winter. He asks Chanyeol every morning to take him out so he can spend the early hours of every day sitting at the gardens, watching the frost of the grass melt with the sunlight.

That’s how Sehun finds him one time, after a rough sleepless night, with the greyish light of a brand new morning.

“Where’s Chanyeol?”

Minseok looks at him and raises the blanket that’s on him to invite him to sit with him. “He went inside to make tea.” 

Sehun sits and covers himself, notices that Chanyeol can still fit next to him if he wants to. Then wonders if he would want to.

“Chanyeol does this thing,” Minseok says once silence settles, “his bread smile, y’know?” he presses his lips into a straight smile for Sehun to see, “in a very particular way when something is bothering him.” He sighs. “He's been doing it since we woke up.” Sehun glances at him and finds him looking back. “What happened, Sehun?”

There is nothing to hide, not really. Sehun’s embarrassment and guilt is something they won’t use against him. It’s still hard to say it aloud.

Sehun crosses his arms, then his ankles, hopes that Chanyeol will be back any second and when he doesn’t, he uses all his faults to start talking.

“When we got you,” he starts, “we had very little information about your state.” Minseok is still, listening. “Some wanted to wake you up immediately and some—” he pauses to breathe in— “wanted to wait.” Minseok nods. “We fought a lot about it.”

“Are you still fighting?” Sehun slowly shakes his head no, because sure, they haven’t fought and things are less tense, but also... Junmyeon sleeps with him every other night and acts like he doesn’t deserve it. Chanyeol pretends he’s his happy self and everyone else pretends they believe him. Jongin spends all his waking hours in Jongdae’s room. 

Sehun categorizes all the ways each of them deal with what they went through.

“I guess it’s complicated,” he says in the end, a half smile that Minseok accepts as honest.

“I’m relieved,” Minseok whispers, “I feared it was something worse.”

“Hyung.”

“I’m sorry!” He laughs. “Sorry, I’m sure it was hard for you.” Sehun side-eyes him, it makes Minseok chuckle. “But hey, we’re fine,” he tells him as he pulls him in by the shoulders, “and Junmyeon looks terrible.”

“Don’t let him hear you.”

“No, something tells me he would be fine.” Sehun frees himself from the half hug by straightening up to look at Minseok’s face, something pensive in his expression. “He changed too.” 

Sehun has to agree. He knows everyone has changed.

Before he has the chance to say anything else they both hear Chanyeol’s steps coming closer and Sehun waits until he’s in front of them to stand. He says goodbye to both even when Minseok asks him to stay, claiming he was on his way to see Baekhyun. He gently bumps Chanyeol’s shoulder and gives him a smile when the other looks a bit startled by his action.

As he walks away, lighter as an effect of Minseok’s laugh, a yawn overcomes him. 

Sehun runs into Junmyeon another morning, leaning on a rail, looking out to the gardens. They have more time to spend maintaining the place and the green areas were the first to receive more attention. It’s early, definitely too early for Junmyeon who has never been a lover of the cold like Sehun is, so it’s surprising to find him looking so light and sunny. Before, when Sehun had hostility brewing at all times, seeing Junmyeon’s beauty was borderline painful. Back then, he had thought that when things went back to normal, if things went back to normal, his affection for Junmyeon would too so he’s surprised when it doesn’t entirely. 

It’s there. Of course it’s there. But it’s different. It has a coat of something more mature, a flavor that is rich and full-bodied, a tang of bitterness that makes Sehun want to get addicted to it, he almost wants to chase it.

Junmyeon smiles at him, something tiny and perceptible only for him who knows him so well, and it lures him in. In the light of day, Sehun can see him more clearly. It’s at the same time a blessing and a curse. If he looks hard enough he will find remnants of their recent, not-so-pleasant past and he cannot change that. Doesn’t particularly want to.

“Isn’t this too early for you?” 

Junmyeon looks up to lock eyes with him, almost defiant, but it softens straight away. 

“I’ve been sleeping better these days,” he explains, an inside joke hiding between them. “Quality over quantity and all that.”

Sehun nods, gets closer to him while resting on the rail and they fall into a companionable silence. Again, Sehun finds there is a part of it he has to navigate differently, pick up what is left of his resentment and make sure it doesn’t taint anything else. When he glances at Junmyeon, it’s very obvious he’s thinking something similar.

Shyly, something he hasn’t felt in a long time, Sehun takes Junmyeon’s hand in his, ignores the way he tilts his head just so, and pushes through the initial awkwardness. It’s silly considering their recently-resumed nightly activities, how they hold each other even when neither is a fan of the heat that emanates from the hug; in the light of day, it’s remarkably new. 

Junmyeon’s hand trembles a little, Sehun tightens it gently and it prompts them to lock eyes again. It’s so damn easy to avoid talking about it when they look at each other like that and seem to understand what the other is thinking. Sehun starts saying something that the line of Junmyeon’s mouth quiets and savoring their recent, not-so-pleasant past becomes an option.

A gust of cold wind raises goosebumps up their arms and at the same time, awakens something in Junmyeon. He leans in to leave a peck on Sehun’s lips that feels like a closure and a beginning. A goodbye that doubles as an opening. Something familiar glimmers in his eyes, Sehun sees it clearly as he pulls away, and he has to agree to whatever it is that Junmyeon is saying. He’ll do that gladly.

“I have to start breakfast.” He kisses Sehun again before walking away and the sight of him doing so has stopped being terrible.

The ghost of the kiss is not haunting, it has not a single molecule of sorrow. It’s almost vibrant with life. 

Sehun breathes in the cold, light and lively, and smiles.

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