Chapter Text
Ted Kord sat fervently in the Chili's booth the waitress had escorted him to. Today was a very important day for him. He was finally going to meet his online girlfriend in person. The pair had been talking via private message on Facebook for about two years now. It all started when he kept seeing her profile on the 'People You May Know' recommendation tab. She had six mutual friends including Ted's friend Guy and Ted was curious as to who she was. She was very beautiful. Her golden blonde hair flowed like a cascade at sunrise over her peach coloured shoulders on her profile photo. And the bonus was that she lived a city away! He sent her a friend request and she accepted. And they started talking after Ted sent the first message. He fell in love with her over the time. She is funny, witty and gorgeous. He could hardly contain himself. It's crazy that they hadn't met over the two years. They lived only an hour and a half apart! And now that they both had free time and they had agreed to meet at this Chili's. His beautiful Enriquita would finally be sitting in front of him. Some of his colleagues thought Enriquita was a catfish, but here Ted is, ready to prove them wrong. Just because a girl was insecure did not mean she wasn't real. Ted thinks Catfish is a made up show, anyways, and it didn't apply to Enriquita and him. None of it was surely real, and it was all filmed in a studio!
Ted's phone vibrates. He quickly checks. A message from Enriquita. He unlocks his phone and reads it. She's outside. Ted replies back with the kissy heart emoji and puts his phone down. He feels as though he'll break a sweat if he doesn't compose himself. He takes a deep breath in and fixes his tie. Maybe he was dressed a little too formal for Chili's but it didn't matter. He was meeting the love of his life. Ted starts adjusting everything he thinks is out of place before sitting still. What will he tell her when she walks in? Marry me? No, he doesn't have a band for her. Besides, it's moving way too fast. He hears the bell to the restaurant's doors and he turns, hoping it's her. It's just a man.
Ted turns back around and tells himself that she's just as nervous as him. She was too insecure to speak over the phone or Skype, so she's just preparing herself.
As he's about to take another deep breath, the man that had walked in not too long ago sits across the booth from him.
"Can I help you?" Ted asks confused.
"Even handsomer in person," The man says and rests his arms on the table.
"Excuse me?"
"Pardon my grammar, 'more handsome,' was what I meant to say."
"Who are you?" Ted asserts.
"Why, it's little ole' me, Ted," The man replies. Ted takes a moment to examine him. He's blonde, he's got blue eyes, a little on the handsome side and toned (Ted could tell through his blue shirt). Ted has never seen this man in his life. How does he know his name?
And then it all starts piecing together like a puzzle.
"Oh. You're... Eriquita." Ted says, discouraged.
And then this man starts laughing. Ted furiously eyes him. He feels himself breaking from the inside. He's angry and sad, but mostly angry. At this man in front of him. Who lied to him. For the past two years of his life.
"I'm sorry, man. It's just, the name kills me." He says, wiping a tear from under his eye.
Ted doesn't know what happened next. It all went by too fast. But the next moment, the police arrived and escorted him and the traitor out of the Chili's.
"Go home and don't come back here again," one of the officers had said, especially at Ted. Ted felt as though he would start crying. But he wouldn't.
"Hey man, are you alright?" The blonde man asks him as the officers leave. "You did me a real big one there. My nose is bleeding, so is my lip. You're pretty strong."
Ted stands, not wanting to confront this man. He can't believe it. Enriquita isn't who she said she was. Ted feels like a moron. He can't believe himself.
"Hey," the blonde man follows him. "At least let me explain myself, let me buy you a drink or something."
"No!" Ted snaps. "Stay away from me." He walks faster towards his vehicle.
"Ted, wait!" He hears the man shout behind him. But he doesn't stop. He doesn't want to hear it. He just wants to get home and pretend all of this never occurred. That his online relationship he had for two years never occurred.
Later that night when Ted got home, he did not cry. He did not scream, and he did not drink. It wasn't worth it. Instead, Ted unfriended 'Enriquita' and blocked him. He scrolled through the conversations that they had and wished what had occurred wasn't real. She seemed so real. Though she only had three photos on Facebook, Ted mostly fell in love with her personality. And it was hard to accept that it wasn't her at all. It was some other man around Ted's age. Ted wonders what his excuse is. Why would he catfish him? Then there's a knock on the door. Ted walks to the door and checks through the peephole. No one was there. Perhaps it was the neighbour's visitors. He did live in a complex building. But then he heard knocking again and he was sure it was on his door. The knock was heard too close to be one of the neighbour's. He opens the door and sees the blonde man from Chili's. 'Enriquita.'
"What are you doing here?!" Ted asks, angrily. He's about to slam the door shut but the man stops it with his foot.
"You gave me your address on Christmas-"
"I know that, I'm not stupid."
"Well..." The man trails off but Ted speaks before he could say anything else.
"What, are you here to insult me? Go away before I call the police."
"Ted, listen to me. I want to tell you why I did that. Would you just listen? Please? And then I'll leave. Forever."
Ted sighed. He knew he would regret this later but he was also curious as to why that man would play him like a fool. He moved out of the way and walked into his flat, gesturing for the blonde to come in.
"Nice place you got. You're actually rich, huh?" The man says as he shuts the door behind him and walks towards Ted.
"Sit," Ted says as he takes a seat near the balcony.
"Okay, so where do I start?" The man asks as he takes a seat across from Ted.
"What's your actual name?" Ted questions.
"Michael Carter," 'Michael' answers.
"Why did you do that to me?"
"Okay, well, I wasn't trying to catfish you, believe it or not. I was actually trying to catfish someone else as payback for cheating at a poker game. You just happened to 'friend' Enriquita and message her."
"Why did you reply?" Ted asks. "You could've just ignored me."
"Yes, about that, I thought you were a poor sucker. A mildly attractive poor sucker, no homo by the way, and I told myself, 'eh, what the hell, this Ted guy looks interesting,' so I kept replying, but I never meant to hurt you. I kept dropping hints. You know that TV show 'Catfish?' I was hoping you'd know and I would be like 'oh no, ya caught me.' But then two years went by quick as hell and you hadn't figured it out. C'mon, Ted, Enriquita was named Enriquita in the first place and she only had three pictures on Facebook over the course of two damn years."
"Shut up, Michael, I was oblivious, okay, I refused to believe that girl (Ted will now refuse to say the name 'Enriquita') was fake because she helped me through some tough times."
"I helped you through the tough times. She was me all along, buddy."
"Do you have any idea what it's like, Michael? Do you know how I feel because I don't think you do. I shared confidential information about myself with you. I told people she was real. I now see I was an idiot."
"I shared private stuff with you too, Ted. Most everything I said about myself was true."
"Who's the girl in the photographs? Did you even catfish the person you were after the whole time anyway?" Ted changes the subject.
"I don't know who the girl is, Ted, I just looked up some photos on Google, okay, and no, I didn't, because he didn't fall for it."
Ted sighs. "I'm a moron."
"It's okay, buddy, it happens-"
"Get out of my flat, Michael." Ted interrupts before Michael can finish his sentence.
"No hard feelings?" Michael asks.
"I appreciate you being honest, but there will be hard feelings, Michael."
"I understand, friendo,"
"Michael?"
"Yeah?"
"We're not friends."
Ted escorts a talkative Michael out of his flat and closes the door on him.
Michael said things like 'I'm sorry' and 'If you change your mind message me,' but Ted doesn't feel like he could ever be friends with Michael. He felt betrayed and a little gay. He was talking to Michael the whole time. They said 'I love you' to each other and sent each other romantic emojis. And Michael was a dude. He said 'no homo,' but now Ted had to wonder if Michael ever actually felt any true attraction towards him. A man doesn't just call another man 'handsome' or 'attractive' like that. Maybe Michael is gay and is afraid of being rejected. But if he was, why not just be himself on Grindr or other gay social media? Why didn't he just tell Ted he was just playing a prank on a buddy? Has he shared their private conversations with others? Ted had a lot more questions in mind. Maybe he could get Michael to answer them. He would have to invite him over again, though. He doesn't want to be seen in public too close to Michael. That would be embarrassing, especially since Ted is a heterosexual man and he didn't want his colleagues and friends to think he was something other than that. He unblocks Michael from Facebook and sends him a message that reads: "Come by my house tomorrow, I have more questions."
He hoped that sounded normal enough.
He quickly got a reply.
"I'm still at the parking lot, do you want me to come in now?" It read.
"No, I've had enough of you for now," replied Ted.
"Okie Dokie, Buddy :^)" read the next message Ted received from Michael.
Ted ignored him. He isn't his buddy.
His phone vibrated again in his hand before he could close out of the app. It was from Michael again.
It read: "By the way, I'm disabling the account, so here's my number." And the next message was the ten digit number.
Ted clicked on the number and saved it to his contacts as 'headass.'
Ted then thought. Michael was disabling the account. What would happen to the messages between Ted and 'Her?' Would they be deleted, just like that, an empty memory? But She was never real. It was all Michael. So why did it hurt deep inside?
Ted refreshed his Facebook feed and went to his messages.
The messages were still there, but the photo and name, erased. Gone for good. It was sad, really. And Michael had caused these sullen feelings. Ted has never felt such strong dislike for anyone as he feels towards Michael. Ted really wanted to forgive Michael, he isn't one to hold a grudge, but he told himself it was okay. Especially because it felt like the death of someone who never existed in the first place and he needed to grief.
He would scroll through the messages again, but now he can't. It has sunk in that they were empty emotions. What does Ted have to look forward to now?