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“I used to like you, you know.” They’re walking, exhausted, back to the Fort when she says it and Arcade can’t help but stop dead in his tracks and just stare at her, mouth agape. The lights from New Vegas are just over the horizon and they are so close to being able to drop into their dusty beds and pass out, but this is something they absolutely have to talk about now?
“You what?” Arcade says simply, completely dumbfounded. Not only is she a woman, but she is a hard ass, monster of a woman - sure maybe not entirely in her physique, but in everything else she does. Not that he is stereotyping of course, even if he did take her for a lesbian the first time he met her, even if that was possibly one of the only reasons he agreed to travel with her. No possibility for romance equals no drama, which equals more time spent trying to help the Mojave and less time spent pining for the other in secret. Well, Arcade, how well did that turn out?
Luca turns back when she realizes Arcade has stopped and she snorts, a fond smile on her face as she shakes her head and lets out a laugh. Arcade doesn’t know what’s so funny about this situation, but his face is red from either anger or embarrassment and he really just needs to lay down in his corner and dream about his research.
“I’m serious. I really did.” She says as she unclasps her canteen and takes a long gulp of water. She’s being so casual about the whole thing, Arcade begins to wonder if she’s just trying to get under his skin.
“Right, and Caesar and I are having tea next weekend. I do think he’s planning to propose.” Arcade says in his most proper voice. Luca rolls her eyes and continues walking forward, forcing Arcade to follow her as the light of her pipboy moving away slowly leaves him in darkness.
“Whatever. I’m serious. I like sensitive men, when I tend to like men at all.” Arcade lets out an offended snort and pushes his glasses up his nose.
“I am not-” She cuts him off.
“I also like intelligent men. Men who care about other people instead of only themselves.” Arcade is silent at that, the blush creeping back up onto his face. Well, if she insisted…
“When was this?” he asks, watching as she begins to mindlessly braid her hair while she walks - something she only ever does when she is deep in thought. “And why are you telling me about it now?”
Luca shrugs and as Arcade skips a bit to catch up and walk alongside her, he can practically smell her perturbation.
“I figure… I should just be honest with you. I should tell you exactly how I felt, how I feel.” She begins, her voice softer than he is typically used to. This ties his stomach in knots - not because there’s a possibility she may still be attracted to him, he knows she isn’t because of the looks she gives Veronica, but because something is obviously deeply worrying her. Luca never worried much, she simply picked a goal through certain circumstances and followed it to completion without letting anything get in her way, whether that be enemies, terrain, or her own emotions. Before he can reply, she starts again.
“When we first met I did have a crush on you. It’s not why I got close to you, but it’s why I bothered in the first place.” She grins a bit at this before the look of worry settles back on her brow. “Of course I don’t now. Now it’s more like…” she trails off again, looking up to the stars in the sky. Arcade looks with her. He’s never believed in gods or fate, but he knows of Luca’s tribal roots even if she never really told him about her family or her home. He has to have some respect for her deep, immovable belief. Belief in what, he didn’t know… but it was belief in something nonetheless.
“You’re more than just a friend, you’re someone I trust with my life.” She looks back ahead, the lights of the stars in her eyes replaced with the lights of New Vegas. “You’re like family to me. You’re like the brother I’ve never had.”
Arcade looks back to her once more when she says the last part, her voice echoing with ancient sadness. He doesn’t want to pry, and he won’t. She always accepted his need for privacy about his past, never pushing him and waiting until he was ready to tell her himself. He will give her that respect back. And, while he was never one for sappy words, he figures he’ll return that favor.
“You’re like family to me too. Real family. You, Veronica…” he trails off, looking a bit annoyed as he says the last part. “...even that eyebot.”
Luca laughs and turns her head, bringing a hand up to wipe her eyes. “Good. I’m glad. I need all of you.” They’re both silent again as they continue their walk, their feet leaving dust and meeting concrete as they get closer to McCarren and then the Fort. They don’t speak again for a long time, but it isn’t awkward silence as Arcade would’ve described it with anyone else. It’s comfortable silence. Something they’re sharing. He may not know what’s going through her head, but he feels as if he knows her intentions - and they’re always good.
When they lay down to sleep that night in the Fort, Arcade can’t help but look to her across the room. He has no need to apologize for being who he is, to apologize for them not being together the way she used to want. He knows she wouldn’t want him to, and he knows she doesn’t need it. Instead, he just watches as she fiddles with her pipboy and takes it off for the night, setting it behind the pack she’s using as a pillow and pulling the dirty sheet up to her chin. She sees him looking at her then and makes a face at him, which pulls a laugh out of Arcade.
“You’re a little cute.” He says, teasing her.
“Yeah, like you could find anything cute.” She snips back. It’s their usual banter, but it feels a little different. She looks a little sad when she glances at him and then back up to the tent roof above their heads.
“Will you tell Veronica?” Luca asks him softly. Arcade takes his glasses off and sets them delicately to the side, rubbing his tired eyes. He’s just about to fall asleep, so he can’t really comprehend what she’s even talking about.
“Well, yeah. Tell her what? That you used to like me?” He yawns and turns away, closing his eyes as he waits for her to reply.
Luca is silent for several moments, battling with herself in her head. Tomorrow she would be different. Tomorrow everything would be different. She shakes her head before realizing Arcade can’t see her.
“Tell her I love her.” She replies a bit too late, Arcade is already asleep and his soft snores calm her mind. She smiles sadly and then closes her eyes, letting the quiet sounds of the Fort at peace slowly drift her away from her worries.
---
Luca is gone when Arcade wakes up. The clothes and armor she typically wears, the guns she carries, and even her pipboy left abandoned beside her empty mattress. He calls for Veronica and the others. He cannot leave the Fort himself since he’d taken on bigger responsibilities, but he wishes the younger girl well as she leaves New Vegas to look for their friend.
Arcade thinks back to their conversation the night before, trying to dig through his brain and think of any clue to where she might have gone. He can’t find one, but he remembers what they said about family.
He’d lost enough family in his years. He wouldn’t let Luca go without a fight.