Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Good morning Sa-young

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I'm eating breakfast, you?

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Yes, a proper meal, I told you I was learning how to cook

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I'll be busier than usual today, but don't worry

I won't forget you

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I have to go

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Let's talk later?

…

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Be safe

“The main issue is that it's both a corrosive agent and a poison, so we have to neutralize multiple things at the same time.” J stared through the protective window into the quarantined room beyond. It was bustling with activity, medical personnel dressed in heavy protective gear were moving around a still, bandaged figure on the hospital bed in the middle of the room.

The boy he'd rescued was connected to a worrying amount of machines by dozens of wires, helping to keep him alive.

“It's a very strong poison, one of the likes we've never seen.” The doctor explained, reading from his clipboard, "Our theory is that it was a pre-existing one enhanced by the system, that's why it's so strong but still behaves in ways that are familiar to what we know.” J nodded absentmindedly, eyes still fixed on the barely breathing form of the boy.

“So we'd need materials that have been enhanced by the system to counteract it then.”

“Yes, I'm not sure we have anything that could work properly against such potency.” That wasn't surprising, just as human weapons didn't work on dungeon monsters, it stood to reason that human medicine wouldn't work against system augmented poisons.

“The good thing though,” The doctor continued, “Is that the poison was topically induced – through the skin – only a very small amount was ingested but it's negligible, thankfully.”

“Those are the slowest ways for poisons to propagate right?” The doctor whipped around to face J, his eyes bright and wide.

“Yes exactly! You know about poisons?”

“No, I just started reading about it a little.”

“But– when do you even find the time!?” The doctor sputtered, but J only stared at him in silence.
With that ominous, featureless black mask facing him quietly, the doctor coughed, composing himself and went back to reporting;

“That's a good thing because it means we have a chance to mitigate the effects of the poison, despite it being so awfully strong.” He gestured to the team beyond the glass, "It's incredibly lucky you brought him to us so fast, if you hadn't, the amount of poison settling into him alone would've been fatal.”

It wasn't “lucky”, J had run out of that dungeon as fast as he could while jostling his charge as little as possible to reach the helicopter and get there in time. Had he been any other rank but S, anyone else but the national hero J, the boy would be dead.

“Right now, we're focusing on neutralising the effects of the poison as best as we can.” The doctor's voice was somber but his expression turned slightly hopeful, “We're still researching what type of antidote would be best; then we'll be working on flushing the poison out, and finally we'll see about restorative treatments”

The doctor sighed, and J turned his face towards him.

“That being said,” He started, “Due to its corrosive nature, he was essentially burned almost entirely.” His tone grew grave, and he crossed his arms over his chest, still gesturing with one hand as he explained, “Most of the burns on his body are superficial – thank goodness – but he still sustained a few deep partial thickness ones, especially on his hands, his vocal cords were also badly impacted from the fumes.”

J tilted his head to the side.

“It means his skin and the majority of the layer underneath was destroyed, but the worst part is that it causes nerve damage.” J's fist clenched almost painfully at his sides, “We're also worried about extensive scarring, it could severely impair his movements as well as cause pain. We've done what we could right now and we have several options to choose from, but we're most likely looking at a lifelong treatment.”

Though the way he talked about the future made the whole process sound like a done thing, J knew the chances of success were actually extremely low. This was uncharted territory, and the boy was in such a bad shape that it couldn't be said for certain whether he'd survive long enough to be treated or not.

“We have to be extremely careful, especially since he's in such a fragile state; too much and we kill him, too little and he dies anyway.”

There was hope though. And as long as there was still a possibility that this could work, J would fight his hardest to give this boy a chance to survive.

“Whatever you need to treat him, I'll get it for you.” J finally spoke, eyes turned back to the figure in the bed, “Do everything you can, money isn't an issue.”

Did you know that sometimes, to neutralize a poison, you have to use another one?

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If the poison raises your body temperature, but you have one that lowers it

It can be used to counteract the first one

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Sounds a bit weird right?

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To use more poison

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No I'm not planning a murder you brat

I just think it's interesting, don't you?

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Stop it with my handwriting, I know it's bad

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It's getting late, you should sleep

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Yes I'll sleep soon too don't worry

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Goodnight Sa-young

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Be safe

With his aunt getting busier in Incheon and his soulmate missing, J didn't have anyone to take care of him, to make sure he ate well, to make sure he rested.

To talk to him.

Jung Bin was busy traveling all over the country, trying to single handedly bring down the Awakened crime rates, he couldn't be expected to check on J all the time.

Cha Eui-jae was alone.

That was fine. J was used to doing things alone. He'd been managing perfectly fine before his aunt left and she'd been too engrossed into work to visit him that often. He'd been just fine before Lee Sa-young forced his way into his life, stubbornly keeping him company every day despite being ignored.

It was fine, he was going to be just fine.

…

He wasn't fine.

He missed eating meals with his aunt, her delicious cooking and gentle care.

He missed Lee Sa-young, his teasing, his nagging, even his rudeness. He missed their conversations with a strength that surprised him. Since when had he grown so dependent on this brat?

They’d become the foundations holding him up, the roots keeping him grounded; without them, J simply fell.

Every day, he made time to visit any encampment, any shelter, any hospital or clinic in Seoul where Sa-young could've been taken to.
He searched tirelessly, passing it off as a way to boost national morale, similar to one of Jung Bin’s PR assignments.
When he'd been summoned to explain himself, he'd known the Director hadn't believed a word he'd said just from the way she'd looked at him. Thankfully though, Ham Seok-Jong hadn't said anything, she'd even allowed him to continue as it did have a positive effect on public opinion of the Bureau.

Time dragged forward reluctantly.

J was excruciatingly aware of each minute that passed by with no sign of his soulmate.

He tried and he tried and he tried, every day he went about his hunter duties, every day he searched for Sa-young, every day he failed him.

Dungeon after rift after hospital after rift after shelter after dungeon, killing after searching after failing.

When he was forced home by the Bureau, he had no appetite but cooked anyway, had no energy but continued his foray into medical textbooks and scientific journals.

Eventually he'd fall asleep after bidding Sa-young goodnight, only to wake up to his own words alone and a repeat of the day prior.

He was fine.

He would be fine.

He'd manage. Somehow.

Shaking his head, he checked again the new rift report he'd received. Better to brush up on mission details he already knew by heart than entertain useless thoughts.

J moved through the hallways of the hospital barely registering the people bustling around him. He confidently made his way towards the laboratory, his pace never slowing even as he came face to face with a heavy set of iron doors one after the other.

He stood at the entrance of the last one, watching as researchers dressed in advanced protective gear went about their experiments, some observing dark liquid in test tubes and under microscopes.

One of them stepped away from his station, making sure he was clean and that everything was safe to leave unattended before approaching him with metal boxes in hand.

“J! Hello, it's been some time hasn't it?” He smiled behind his clear mask, bowing deeply, “Thank you for taking the time to come here despite your busy schedule.”

As he greeted J with familiar warmth, he handed over the boxes. Inside one, J placed a bulging bag emitting a pungent smell and dripping black liquid, in the other, he stored neatly packed samples of monsters and unknown plants.

Despite his thick security gloves, the researcher moved with great caution while taking the boxes from him, moving to store them away in a separate room.

When he came back, his gloves were different, J asked, “Are you short on poison?”

The scientist shook his head with a chuckle, “You always bring back more than needed, so we still have enough in stores.”

“How is the research going?”

The man perked up, “It's going quite smoothly, all things considered!” He paused, “Are you going to visit the kid again today?”

“Yes.”

“Ah, J!”

He turned his head to see another scientist approaching him at a fast pace. She looked vaguely familiar, he'd probably interacted with her before.

She seemed elated, eyes gleaming behind her glasses, a few strands of hair escaping the big clip she'd tied them with.

“The child's condition has been improving gradually,” she whispered, leaning in like she was telling him a secret, “The antidote we've developed seems to be working, it's all thanks to you J!”

He stared, waiting for her to either keep talking or leave.
Faced only with silence and a frightening black mask, the scientist coughed awkwardly.

“Ah, was I too excited?” She smiled sheepishly, “Now that the poison's been neutralized, we've been focusing on detoxification,” She explained, “Other non critical treatments are still delayed though, but he's not at a point where visits are entirely impossible anymore.”

The researcher looked at J, watching for his reaction before she spoke again;

“From now on, why don't you visit the kid directly in his room, instead of watching him through the window?”

J hesitated, “Is that alright?”

Both of the scientists nodded so enthusiastically they looked like those bobblehead toys.

“This research is possible thanks to you, of course it's alright.”

“I'll leave you two to that then, I need to get back to my station.” The man turned a warm smile to him, “J, thank you again for visiting and for the materials. Take good care of yourself and come back soon if you find the time.”

He inclined his head in acknowledgement, then quietly followed the other scientist to the boy's room, deep within the hospital. It was a path he had gotten familiar with these past few weeks; he had taken to standing vigil before the window of the child's room, watching, waiting.

“You probably noticed through the glass,” She spoke up, “But just so you know, the kid is unconscious most of the time. When he does wake up, it's never for too long.” J tilted his head, “We're regularly administering painkillers and anesthesia.”

“Is that necessary?”

“It's not exactly by choice you know! We don't really want to either but…” she trailed off with a sigh, “It's more for his comfort than ours. Without painkillers, he'd pass out from the pain.”

J frowned behind his mask, jaw clenching.

“Last time he fainted,” The researcher explained, “And it's been like that ever since. I have to admit it's also practical for us.”

“How so?”

“Well, he can't fight back if he's unconscious.” J looked at her, and she startled with a laugh.

“Ah that came out wrong! I meant that he can't fight the treatments!” She waved her hands sheepishly, “For instance, we need to put a special gel under his eyelids so they don't stick to his eyes while they heal.”

They arrived in front of a door, and the scientist stopped, turning to him.

“We also need to move his body to reduce muscle atrophy, prevent bed sores and take care of his burns. It's better for him to be unconscious during physical therapy for now, the pain is already unbearable as it is.”

She pressed her key card against the lock, waiting for the beep before opening the door.

They walked through the white hallway to the hospital room door at the end, the inside revealed an equally white room that was quite spacious for only one person.
An impressive number of machines surrounded a bed, connecting to the still shape of a boy completely wrapped in bandages.

The scientist grabbed the door handle, stepping back through the doorway.

“I'll be waiting outside, take your time.”

“Alright, I won't be long.”

“Oh, there's no rush! Stay as long as you want!”

With that, she closed the door, leaving J alone with the child.

The sounds of machines nearly covered the boy's heartbeat entirely, J glanced around the room as he approached the bed and spotted a chair not too far.

Even the kid's nose and mouth could barely be seen through the bandages, he looked like a mummy. His chest rose and fell slowly, faint, stuttering groans occasionally escaping him.

“So this is what they call an improvement…” He assessed with blank detachment.
He supposed that the new lack of oxygen mask could be considered as such, but still, they'd sounded so excited when the kid wasn't much different from a corpse.

Turning back, he dragged one of the famously uncomfortable hospital chairs to the bed and sat down, absently watching the boy's slight movements.

Despite his resolve, he couldn't ignore the quiet thought wondering if saving this child had truly been a good decision.
Looking at him now, he was clearly suffering horribly. He'd asked J to save him, yes, but he couldn't have known that he'd end up in a state worse than death. He couldn't even seem to find reprieve when unconscious, all he could do was agonise, unable to move, unable to speak, barely able to breathe on his own.

This could be considered a form of torture, was it really the right choice to let him suffer endlessly like this? Or was it just J's selfish desire to hold onto at least one life, one person, with his own hands?

Would it not be better, kinder, for this child to just end his misery?

Just then, J noticed faint stirring coming from the bed. Straightening up, he stared laser focused at the form on the bed, not daring to blink lest he miss any signs of consciousness.

Right there – J's hands tightened on the armrests of the chair as his heartbeat increased with anticipation – bandaged fingers moved lightly for a second before stilling.

His breathing hitched, and he saw the same gesture repeated once more, this time with more ease and strength than the last.

“You.” The word was pulled out of him before he could regain his composure. The fingers stilled, as if startled, before slowly trying to curl on themselves, inevitably failing to do so.

J leaned forward, an odd eagerness buzzing like a bee's wings or the low hum of electricity through his limbs. Was it possible that the child's hearing had been spared? His index started tapping absentmindedly on the armrest, he shifted closer to the bed, sitting nearly on the edge of the chair.

“Are you awake?” There was still a possibility that those were only muscle twitches from pain and nerve damage, but maybe…

His eyes widened behind his mask as the boy's head started turning at such a slow pace it was barely noticeable unless you were watching closely.

While his head – his entire body really – was wrapped in gauze, J still felt like the eyes hidden behind them were locked onto him. It was a ridiculous notion, he knew very well that the child's vision had been so wounded he couldn't currently see anything, but even then he couldn't help the feeling.

The boy's chapped lips parted, quivering, and the sound of a raspy breath being released felt like an answer on itself.

Without taking his gaze away from him, J brought his chair closer to the bed, scooting forward until he could put a hand over the railing.

“You're awake.”

There was an odd sensation in his chest, one that nearly had him breathless, something that made him feel so light he was almost dizzy. It had been weeks since he'd last felt this, or anywhere near this.

Joy.

His thumb started tapping the railing, quick softened noises echoing in tandem with the boy's heartbeat.

“How long have you been awake?” He leaned forward, “How do you feel? Are you in a lot of pain? Are you okay?”

He spoke in a hurry, his words almost stumbling over each other in his excitement.
When a quiet groan left the child's lips, J stilled. His face warmed and he hunched over himself slightly, “Are you okay?” really? What kind of idiot asks a half dead person if they're okay? Of course he's not okay!
J wanted to throw himself out of the first window he could find, the walls wouldn't be strong enough against his S grade body.

He blinked, finally noticing the boy's fingers moving against the sheets. He squinted, he didn't seem to be writing letters or using sign language, perhaps he was simply trying to prove he was awake.

J's posture relaxed, muscles uncoiling slowly.

“Want me to ask a nurse for painkillers?”

He hadn't even finished speaking yet that the boy had turned his head away from him with surprising speed. Compared to an uninjured person it was still slow, but for him, it might have been his best effort.

J's lips curled without his notice and he couldn't help but chuckle. Honey sweet affection with the bitter taste of longing filled him, J could almost see his silhouette standing before him.

He leaned his arm against the railing, resting his head in the crook of his elbow, “Hey,” He murmured, playful tone softened to something tender, “You're funny.”

Looking at him with his sickly pale slivers of undamaged skin, his tense posture and the near pout on his face, J felt his amusement rise.

This boy he'd saved had quite a strong will, how could one be so expressive with so little movement while being in extreme amounts of pain? All you could see of his face was his mouth, a bit of his nose and his ears, yet he still managed to look so displeased!

Did people really get mean when in pain? Maybe that was why he was acting out, or perhaps this child just had a… Pronounced personality.

Either way, J didn't mind it at all, instead he grew even more curious about this kid.

“Do you remember me?”

“I'm J.” The boy's head tilted up, and he imagined that if he could see his eyes, they'd probably be alight with recognition. The boy had most likely heard about J on the news, his debut had been pretty publicized 2 years ago.

“I'm the one who got you out of there.”

He saw the boy's fingers twitch and watched as he painstakingly turned his head towards him.

He did remember then. J had hoped he didn't, he remembered the sight of the melting mass of viscera that had covered the child almost entirely, knowing those were most likely the remains of the kid's parents or family. He remembered the state of him, almost unable to speak, dying an agonising slow death. Some things were better left forgotten.

“I've been told you can't talk for now, can you move your hands?”

The boy's fingers twitched again but he didn't move further.

“Just your fingers then,” J muttered, resting his chin on his hand, “That's fine, just move your fingers and I'll try my best to understand.”

There was a pause where nothing but the beeps of the machines and both of their breathing could be heard before J spoke once more.

“I'm good at talking to myself and reading people.”

The boy tilted his head forward leaning to the left, as if raising an eyebrow. Somehow, this very small gesture felt both disbelieving and condescending, despite not being able to see his face behind the bandages.

J's lips curved slightly.

“I really am, you'll see,” He insisted, modulated voice noticeably amused, “Can you move your fingers?”

He watched as bandaged fingers flexed lightly, the boy's arm trembling from the effort, making J smile at this kid's determination.

“Yeah, just like that.”

For the first time in weeks, the world didn't push as strongly upon his shoulders, the despair of his soulmate's disappearance didn't choke him as terribly, the loneliness wasn't as overwhelming. Right there, in this hospital room where only two persons’ breathing could be heard over the quiet noise of machinery, the air felt lighter, brighter.

J closed his eyes to bask in the feeling of peace that had settled over him.

“I'm J,” He repeated softly, “It's not my real name, but just call me that. I'm a hunter for the Awakened Management Bureau, high ranked… What else?” He tipped his head to the side, still leaning on his hand, and tapped his finger on the armrest of the chair in a slow rhythm.

“That's about it… I really don't have much else to say.” He finished, tone sheepish.

He opened his eyes to see the boy's reaction, watched him obediently move his fingers, and felt embarrassment rise within him.

Even though he'd assured the other of the contrary, J had no idea what he was trying to tell him.

The tap tap tap sound of a finger accelerated, his lips pursing.

Well, it wasn't a big deal, this was an issue that could be solved with time as they got to know each other. J nodded to himself, he was good at learning, that monster encyclopedia hadn't written itself.

“I'm wearing a mask with a modulator, this isn't my real voice either.” He paused for a moment, before remembering to add, "Oh, even when you're healthy you won't see my face either, but your eyes can be treated, so don't be sad, it's going to be okay.”

He rocked from side to side on his chair, searching frantically for something to say. J didn't talk much to others unless they were his aunt, his soulmate and, occasionally, Jung Bin. He had neither the interest, the time or the energy to interact with others unless it was work related, and even then he kept conversations to a minimum.

“Want to touch it once?” He blurted out, startling both himself and the child, “Can you move your arm?”

He reached out to the boy but stopped before he could make contact; there were so many tubes and wires connected to him it felt precarious to move him, no doubt he'd end up triggering all kinds of alarms throwing the medical team into chaos.

J stared, lips pursed.

“...Maybe not just yet,”

The child stilled immediately, his bottom lip seemed to jut out and J snickered, trying to hide it behind a cough so fake even plastic plants looked more natural.

Seeing the boy turning away from him, he cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure.

“I'll let you touch my face once you're healthier.”

J watched the kid begin the long, laborious process of turning his head back towards him with mild amusement and disbelief. This child was so determined to express his displeasure he was willing to strain his body even more.

Wanting to appease him so he wouldn't worsen his condition, J spoke quickly;

“I'll really let you touch it, I promise,”

Without thinking too much about it, he gently hooked his pinky under the boy's own. He focused intently on not accidentally hurting the other; no matter how careful he was, J was an S rank awakener, this child was not only just a civilian but a badly injured one at that.

The boy seemed to settle and J released a quiet, relieved breath as he lightly fiddled with their entwined fingers. He handled him with care, as if holding an injured butterfly,

“Tap my hand if it's painful, but be careful to not hurt yourself.”

J couldn't help but smile, watching as the boy's hand twitched whenever he ran his fingers over the other's, it reminded him of those plants that would curl inward as soon as you touched them.

He leaned even closer with a soft sigh.

“You must be bored, alone in your room like this,”

He flinched when his watch suddenly started buzzing with an incoming call, drawing back from his slouch over the railing making the boy tilt his head.

He stared at the screen in disbelief, how long had he been here? It couldn't have been that long, surely, couldn't be more than an hour, right?
Regardless, it was time to go and so J untangled their fingers with gentle care, preparing to stand up when he felt something rough brush against his skin.

He froze, eyes wide, the child was reaching out to him with his bandaged fingers, as if desperate to keep him close.

J scrambled to take that hand, cradling it like he was holding something precious.

“What is it? Are you in too much pain?”

Trembling fingers seemed to tap twice against the palm of his hand.

“...I have to answer this call,” J mumbled, torn and upset, “I really have to go,” He said reluctantly, “I'll call a nurse for you.”

The boy's pout was even more pronounced than the last, J's foot started bouncing frantically.

“I'll come again.”

He'd said that in a hurry, without thinking at all about his incredibly packed schedule. He'd acted on instinct, it was a reflex now, appeasing sulking kids.

Despite his words, the boy kept pouting and J rolled his eyes at the stubbornness. Why are you so distrustful at such a young age???

“I'll visit as often as possible, but I don't know how often it will be,” He conceded, “I'm very busy, and I never know when I'll be called in again.”

The kid tilted his head to the side, away from J, as if he wanted to turn around but didn't have the energy to, his pout seemed to deepen and J sighed. He lightly drummed his fingers over the other's hand, watching it flinch reflexively.
He probably shouldn't have said that, he should've known it'd upset the kid, but well, he'd never been good at lying.

“I'm sorry, I'll come back as soon as I can, just wait for me, okay?”

Still looking terribly unhappy, the child poked J's hand once before letting go, it felt like both a threat and a concession.

Fondness warmed his body, and he grazed the boy's cheek with the back of his fingers before standing up.

“See you next time.”

He lingered a little, before turning and walking out of the room, startling the researcher who'd been dozing off in a chair.

“You're already out?” She rubbed the corners of her mouth awkwardly, “You could've stayed longer you know.”

“No, I got called in.”

“Again? Isn't that too much? You're always raiding rifts and dungeons, you're even bringing us materials now, too.”

J closed the door quietly, shrugging nonchalantly.

“That's just how it is.”

The scientist stared at him as he walked past her before following in silence.
They'd almost reached the labs when J made his request.

“By the way,”

“Yes, please go ahead!”

“Would it be possible for you to make me my own card to access his room?”

The scientist whipped towards him, eyes wide and mouth agape.

“huh?”

“I've donated a lot to this hospital,” He said with an audible smile, tucking his hands behind his back innocently as he turned to her, “Surely it'd be fine, right?”

“I– Uh, I guess? I mean, yes of course! We'll get it for you next time you visit!”

Without a word but with a visible air of satisfaction, J resumed his walk to the labs, the researcher stuck in place watching him in disbelief.

When he finally got out of the hospital and away from prying eyes, J frantically searched his pockets for a pen. He fumbled with the one he'd grabbed from his inventory, hurriedly rolling up his sleeve.

Sa-young

His pen stopped abruptly, hovering just above his skin.

J had forgotten.

He'd gotten excited and forgotten that his soulmate didn't know about his hunter status, wasn't supposed to know. He'd been about to tell him about the boy he'd saved, but how could he without raising suspicion?

He ignored the quiet thought that Sa-young probably wasn't even reading his messages anyway.

In his selfishness he'd almost put Sa-young in danger, J kept failing him over and over again, could he even be a worse soulmate than he already was?

Time crawled on, though in certain ways it felt lighter than before, he still went into dungeons, still killed rift masters, still searched tirelessly for his soulmate.

But now, he had something to look forward to once more.
Every week he'd visit the boy he'd saved and shed some of the stress he'd accumulated. He'd come in at any hour of the day or night because of his hectic schedule, now that he had a keycard of his own he didn't need to ask for any available researcher.

When he visited at night and the boy was asleep, he would simply stand guard at his bedside, letting the blissful sounds of this life he'd saved wash over him. He'd stay there for a long time, nearly falling asleep himself.

This room had become a sort of safe place for him, being in the boy's presence alone was a balm to the sting of his repeated failure and the strain of his life. With him as a reminder it became easier to hope, like catching a glimpse of light from the deepest depths of the ocean.

He missed Lee Sa-young.

He missed him like an aching wound in his chest. Everything reminded J of him, he wanted to share the details of his life with him and have Sa-young tease him, he wanted to know about his soulmate's day, his likes and dislikes, learn more of his outlandish opinions.

Lee Sa-young hadn't given up on him, so J wouldn't either, he'll never stop searching.

J stood in the hallway of the Seoul National University Hospital watching nurses attend to injured civilians in the trauma room.
He'd been sent to close a rift that had swallowed up a building in Jongno-gu, when he'd arrived the rescue efforts had already been underway, all he'd had to do was kill any monster near them and take care of the rift's master.

He'd already made a round of the hospital but there were no signs of Sa-young, another failure.

His shoulders slumped slightly, a bolt of pain making him twitch and he straightened back up. It wouldn't do for civilians to see him being so pathetic.

He glanced around the room, thankfully it seemed like no one had seen him. He felt stupid for thinking otherwise, of course they hadn't, they were all either in pain or overwhelmed with work.

One of the patients caught his eye and he turned slightly in their direction, listening over the ambient noise as a nurse explained how to properly care for burns. He stopped listening as soon as the explanation was over, feeling a bit guilty for eavesdropping on personal matters.

Maybe he could learn how to take care of the boy's wounds? Every hospital in the country was already overflowing, the staff was overwhelmed and exhausted, surely they'd appreciate a bit of help, right?
He wondered if he could find classes to attend, or if he could ask someone on the medical team to teach him.

Vibrations coming from his wrist pulled him out of his thoughts and he blinked, looking down at his watch he saw another request for aid somewhere else.

Glancing around one last time, he made a mental note to look further into it, and left to fulfill his duties.

At night in his room, J thought back to that almost incident in front of the hospital from weeks ago. The pen in his hand was warm from persistent handling, he slowly moved it between his fingers as he pondered the pros and cons of revealing a bit more about his life.

J hesitated, just as he wanted to talk to the boy about his soulmate, he also wanted to tell Sa-young about this child he'd saved.

They'd both become important to him so quickly in very similar ways, they both made him think about the future. Beyond that, they made him hope for a better life for himself.

They were precious to him, he wished to keep them close for as long as he was allowed, if only he could find Sa-young.

Closing his eyes with a shake of his head, J thought of his aunt, she'd probably tell him to stop being so stubborn, she might even smack him for not listening to her properly.

His lips curled despite himself, he slumped back against the headboard, knocking the back of his head against it lightly as he stared at the blank ceiling of his room.

He could make something up, invent a story of some kind. It wasn't like he had to tell Sa-young everything but knowing how unreasonably suspicious he was of everything, J knew he'd pry until he got an answer.

Did it even matter if Sa-young never answered though? Probably didn't even read his words?

The pen twirled rapidly around his fingers as he tried to come up with a believable story. Of course, he couldn't mention going into the rift, but maybe he could pretend he was helping out the Bureau officials?

He nodded to himself and clicked his pen twice before starting to write.

There was a rift near my workplace

Right, good start.

A lot of people got caught in it, there wasn't enough workers to take care of the injured

…

So I went to help

Belatedly realizing how suspicious that sounded, he hurried to add;

With a few of my colleagues

One disaster averted, that could've been bad, Sa-young was too smart for his own good.

There was this boy who was dying, he's fine now, I visit him in the hospital sometimes

…

It's nice, even if he can't talk or move too much

…

Why are you sulking? Of course I'm not trying to replace you

…

I chose you as my soulmate, not anyone else

…

Alright stop being smug you brat, I swear you'll make me go gray before I turn 30

…

How have you been lately?

…

…

I hope you're safe

…

Goodnight Sa-young, let's talk again tomorrow

Staying in a hospital room, trapped within one's body while being wracked with unimaginable pain with no one to visit you was a hell he wouldn't wish on anyone.
So J had asked his bemused aunt and a curious Jing Bin for book recommendations, specifically, books that were entertaining, easy to understand and not too long.

His aunt of course, had immediately understood and sent him a couple of dusty, well loved fantasy novellas, as well as given him a few names to look up.
Jung Bin on the other hand… J didn't know how to even begin processing his list of law textbooks for dummies and cheap romance novels, so he just thanked the man and ignored any further texts from him on the subject.

It took him two weeks to look up and gather a few of the books his aunt had told him about. Once that was done, J had gone to the hospital armed with reading material and the hope that the kid wouldn't end up disappointed.

He stood before the child's door, fingers drumming against his thigh while his other hand gripped the door handle. With a shake of his head, he dismissed the odd nervousness that had taken over him as soon as he'd arrived and entered.

“I'm back!” He announced cheerfully, “And I brought you something.”

Although it had been weeks since their first conversation, the person on the bed still couldn't do more than slightly move his fingers and turn his head.
That being said, it seemed like neither the pain or the injuries could keep this child from stubbornly trying to push his limits.

Despite his worry, J couldn't help but smile fondly seeing the corners of the child's lips curl and his fingers wiggle a bit faster than usual.

Settling into his designated chair by his bedside, J reached into his inventory and pulled a few books from the pile he'd brought.

“I know you must be bored, staying alone in here all day,” He started, fiddling with the corner of a novella, “So I thought I'd bring you some books to keep you occupied.”

The boy turned to look at him, head tilted a bit forward and to the side in what J had deemed to be his judging, deadpan look.

“I know you can't see anything right now,” He rolled his eyes, “I was going to read them to you.”

The child perked up instantly before trying to wiggle closer and J laughed, hurrying to put a hand over his shoulder to hold him still.

“Calm down, don't move like that or you'll hurt yourself, the doctors won't allow me in here anymore if that happens you know?”

The body under his hand immediately stopped struggling, laying back against the pillow obediently and still facing him with his fingers moving over the covers.

“Are you excited?” He asked, wide grin audible in his voice.

A pout made its way onto the kid’s face and he started turning away, J grazed a gentle finger over his hand and softened his voice to appease him.

“I'm not making fun of you, I'm glad you like my gift.”

Sitting up, he moved his chair so he could lean his left side against the bed while facing the boy and started looking through the books on his lap.

“To be honest, I don't know any of these books,” He started sheepishly, “I asked my aunt for recommandations so they should be interesting, at least.”

He glanced up briefly, the boy was facing him again, body relaxed, like he could listen to J ramble on for hours and be content.

Clearing his throat, he averted his eyes quickly.

“I have some fantasy, sci-fi and… regular fiction? I don't know all of the genre names, sorry.”

The child's lips curled higher and his shoulders trembled faintly.

“Hey, don't make fun of me, I haven't had the opportunity to read in a long time,” He grumbled, “Anyways, I'll read you the summaries so you can choose which one you want first.”

From then on, they spent their time together like this; with J reading until his throat got sore or he had to leave, and the boy listening avidly to his every word.
It was warm, domestic and almost perfect, all that was missing were two other persons but still, in those stolen moments, he was happy.

“This is J.” He answered the call from his earpiece, still wiping the blood from his hands.

“How was the dungeon?”

He looked back at the dilapidated house he'd come out of. Although it wasn't unheard of, it was rare for a house to be turned into a dungeon, so J had decided to enter it by himself.

“Fine. It's a forest, has a lot of useful resources.” He blindly threw the bloody towel in his inventory, making his way back to the team of hunters waiting for him.

“All the monsters and the dungeon master are dead, you should send in a research team.”

“...Alright but…”

The Director hesitated for so long that J paused to check if the call had ended. Ham Seok-Jong's unusual cautiousness both puzzled and made him nervous.

“Are you okay?”

J stopped at once, he knew from her voice that this wasn't his aunt, yet he couldn't help but check his watch anyway, just to make sure.

“It's just, you seem… Tired, lately. More than usual, but there are times where you seem particularly relaxed so I was wondering…”

He didn't know how to respond, didn't think the Director would care to notice such tedious details but he supposed it made sense, she needed him at his best for the missions.

“I'm fine.”

“So nothing happened recently? Good or bad?”

J's hands clenched, his whole body was tense but his voice was calm and collected.

“No.”

“Alright, it's somewhat quiet today, you should get some rest.”

“Yes, thank you for your concern.”

J only relaxed when the call ended, even then there was still tension in his posture. He'd been careful, his behavior hadn't changed that much but Ham Seok-Jong had still noticed.

Having neared the team enough to be noticed, he gestured to the hunter closest to him.
After telling them to head back to the Bureau without him, J walked briskly through back alleys and deserted streets, his pace growing quicker the closer he got.
He started running even before the white building of the hospital came into view, coming in through the staff entrance and blitzing his way through towards one specific room.

Throwing the door open, J took in the sight of the person resting on the bed. Some of the dressings had come off, now his whole face was finally visible. When he turned to J, even though his eyes were still hazy, they were clearly focused on him only.

J grinned so brightly his cheeks ached, throwing his arms wide open.

“I'm here!”

The clouded eyes looking at him narrowed happily, as if smiling and he saw the boy's feet move a little under the bedsheets like a cat making biscuits.

Chuckling, he closed the door and hastily made his way to the other's bedside, bending down a little.

“What have you been up to?”

While there was no vocal answer, the boy inclined his head towards him, his eyes and lips curved with affection as his hands curled, barely able to fully close.

J brought the chair closer to the bed and sat down, leaning further into the boy's space with a playful grin hidden under his mask.

“You missed me, didn't you?”

The other's lips pressed into a thin line, he seemed to be torn for a moment, ultimately deciding to face away from J while slumping down a little.

As usual this child's mood changed like the wind, thankfully though, J had experience dealing with a personality like this and so, he decided to be honest and apologize earnestly.

“I'm sorry, I wanted to come back sooner I promise, but I really was very busy,”

The boy's head turned a little, as if telling him that he was listening and to keep going, like J had scorned him.

“Lately the number of rifts–”

He cut himself off, he remembered seeing a camera when he'd first visited and looking around now, he could see it in the corner. It was one of the models without audio recording, but J should still be cautious.
He'd relaxed too much and almost revealed sensitive information, it wasn't even confirmed yet, he needed to stay focused no matter how comfortable he felt in this room with this person.

He could discuss the subtle increase in rifts with Jung Bin later, for now he'd savor what little respite he had.

The boy turned back to him and tilted his head, either confused as to why he'd stopped speaking or curious about what he'd been saying.

J's fingers started tapping the armrest of the chair as he decided to change the subject.

“I missed you too.”

It had taken a few tries for him to say it, J wasn't used to expressing his feelings and being vulnerable, he actively avoided it even. He was the national hero, he didn't have the time to think about his feelings, the people didn't want to see him vulnerable, they wanted him strong, needed him to be reliable but.

He had people who needed him to be honest now.

His aunt had told him again and again to open up, to cherish people so he could live without regrets. He hadn't been able to fully commit to her words then, though he'd tried, and now the remorse threatened to swallow him almost every day.

This was his chance to do better, be better, he could try at the very least to express himself properly and tell this boy some of the things he hadn't said to Sa-young.

The sound of their breathing and heartbeats echoed in the room slightly louder than the noises of the machinery.

The boy's fingers weakly gripped the sheets and though he still couldn't close his hands completely or hold anything properly, the number of wires connected to him had decreased a lot. He was healing nicely, his physical therapy sessions were going well and he could even sit up on his own now.
It was such a stark improvement that it made J think of the future again, one that involved four people and was light, comfortable, safe.

When the boy reached for him, J took his hand without hesitation, carefully rubbing circles over it before starting a light massage.

“How are you feeling? No pain?”

He watched the boy shake his head and felt some of the tension loosen in his hand.

“They told me they'd changed your treatment a little, adjusted the meds.”

With his condition improving so much, the medical team had started slowly weaning him off the strongest painkillers, though he still needed them after physical therapy and during flare ups, he was doing much better.

The child nodded and J felt a weight he hadn't noticed lift off his shoulders; he couldn't regret saving him, but he could resent not being faster, leaving him to suffer enough for several lifetimes.

“Good, that's good,” He murmured to himself, eyes unfocused as he applied extremely light pressure to the palm in his hand, quickly alleviating his touch when he heard a hiss.

“You'll probably be able to walk again someday soon, seeing as you can sit up.”

It'd take a lot of hard work and patience but this boy was persistent, he wouldn't have survived if he wasn't incredibly tenacious.
It will probably be even harder to recover the proper use of his hands, he'll most likely never be able to regain his full range of motion because of the scar tissue, but he might be able to write.

It'll be a long, arduous journey, no doubt with many ups and downs but J will be there to support him all the way.

‘He might even be able to speak soon.’

These thoughts about the future made him excited, he wanted all of this to happen and more. It made him cautiously optimistic and J couldn't help the wariness that invaded the back of his mind whenever he felt too good. He was quietly terrified, waiting for the other shoe to drop, trying to shake off the feeling of impending doom weighing on him like an intense, malevolent stare fixed on the back of his head.

What was it going to be this time? He'd already lost his soulmate in a way, as much as he denied it. J didn't care about a lot but there was still so much he could stand to lose.

The hand in his hold twitched, calling him back from the dark turn his thoughts had taken.

He looked at it for a moment, gently running his fingers over it, this precious hand that kept reaching for him.

“Have you ever been to the sea?”

The boy stared at him with a slight frown, his lips drawing up in a pout, whether that was from the random question or because he thought J was making fun of him, he couldn't be sure.

“I went to Gangneung to catch a kraken… Or a giant squid?” He squinted, rummaging through his memories without success, “Anyways, its suckers were really big! Ah but that's not the point,” He chuckled awkwardly, his foot starting to tap against the bed while he patted the boy's hand.

“The sea was beautiful, let's go together once you're better.”

“Blink if you'd like that.”

The boy blinked very deliberately, it reminded J of a cat and made him smile.

“Then it's a promise. Even if you change your mind later, I'll carry you all the way there.”

He held out his pinky finger and before the other even had the time to react, he took his hand to interlock their pinkies together.

The boy sighed, but J could see the smile growing on his face.

Since the Day of The Rift, the world was overflowing with uncertainty. Questions kept rising with little to no answer, what were the rifts? Where did dungeons come from? What had caused them to appear in the first place? What was the system? Was there ever going to be an end to them?

The world had been turned upside down, countries were trying to rebuild and morality had shifted for a lot of people. It was messy, difficult and tiring, it was J's everyday life.

Though one had been taken from him for now and another had moved away, J had three constants in the world. The only one that had remained the same through endless changes thus far, was this boy in front of him. The one who patiently waited for him week after week.

Alone as he was now, this room had become the place he could return to.

With that warm hand in his and the quiet sounds of the precious life before him, J closed his eyes to savor this feeling.

It felt like they were showing him the way, guiding stars in the night sky just for him, telling him he wasn't wrong to hope.

What happens when lonely people meet? They come to rely on each other and become family.

He didn't know how long he'd spent telling the boy stories of his previous missions instead of their usual reading, but when he finally reopened his eyes, the other was asleep, still lightly clutching his hand.

Watching him relaxed like this, his breathing deep and steady, his body loose, J felt the immense affection he held for this boy overwhelm him.

Standing up, he leaned down over his sleeping figure without letting go of his hand, then with the other, cupped his cheek tenderly. He stroked a thumb slowly over the bandage there, touch as light as a butterfly's wing.

“Do you know?” He whispered in the near silence of the room.

“You're my only success.”

He's the only one I've ever saved with my own hands

One day, I'd like you to meet.

It'd be nice if we could all be a family together

Jung Bin watched him apprehensively for a moment before he spoke;

“Hunter Park Hye-kyung went into the West Sea Rift.”

J closed his eyes behind his mask, deliberately breathing long and deep.

He already knew.

Had known since the morning she'd left with her team. She'd called him early to tell him she hadn't managed to find even a trace of his soulmate, to tell him she'd have to pause in her search as she was being sent into the rift near Incheon.

“I'm so sorry Eui-jae,” she'd murmured, “I promise I'll keep looking when I get back.”

When he hadn't said anything in return, too busy staring at his ceiling, she'd tried to reassure him.

“We will find him,” Her tone had been sure, unwavering, “We'll find your soulmate, Eui-jae, Lee Sa-young is still alive and most likely in Seoul, you can still reach him.”

J had been too hollow in that moment to do anything more than thank her and wish her a safe raid.

“You already knew then.”

He nodded, throat too tight to speak.

“It's only a Grade 5 but…” Jung Bin sighed, rubbing a tired hand over his face as he leaned back against the railing, “Ever since it appeared, we've been sending in qualified hunters only to lose all communication with them.”

He turned to face J, locking eyes with him under his mask, the shadows cast by the setting sun outside the Bureau making his expression even more grave.

“They haven't come back, any of them.”

J looked away, leaning against the wall casually while fiddling with his gloves.

“When did they go in?”

“About a month ago.”

He stilled, one glove in hand.

“We sent back up after 14 days but we haven't heard from them since then, either.”

A month? A rift this low a grade should've been closed within a week, given enough hunters were sent in, maybe two weeks at the very most if a couple accidents happened, but a month? With three teams sent in?

Tucking his hands behind his back, J crossed his ankles before speaking in a resigned voice.

“And so aunt was ordered to go.”

Jung Bin shifted his weight from foot to foot, still looking like he expected J to blow up any moment.

“...That's right, but J,” He hesitated, he looked torn, worried and tired, like a man three times his age, “If this continues…”

They both knew what would happen, in that case. They'd seen it happen often enough that the words didn't need to be said.
Jung Bin was kind, he was nice and caring, J knew the man felt guilty from this conversation alone. He didn't want him to be crushed under its unnecessary weight, so he interrupted him firmly.

“I know.”

Fingers still fidgeting behind his back, he watched Jung Bin lower his eyes, his posture slump nearly imperceptibly.

Straightening up, he stretched with brash movements, preparing to leave.

“Thanks for telling me, at least I can prepare.”

“...I'm sorry.”

“Why?” J turned to him, keeping his hands carefully out of sight. Though his tone was playful, his voice rang oddly flat, “Did you give the order?” Before the other man could answer, he turned away and cut him off.

“Anyways, I have to go, don't stay up too late.”

He'd barely taken a step forward when Jung Bin spoke up in a cautiously hopeful voice.

“Are you going to tell them you're going?”

J whipped around to face him, eyes wide.

“...What.”

“I heard you've been visiting somewhere recently, and that you seem happier whenever you come back.” Jung Bin’s hand came up to rub at the nape of his neck, his gaze suddenly started jumping around, landing anywhere else but J himself.

“I hope some of my book recommendations helped you woo them. I know it's complicated for hunters to be in a relationship but if you're both happy then it's worth it, isn't it?”

“What the fuck?”

Jung Bin straightened up abruptly, he made his way to J at a brisk pace and put his hands over his shoulders, staring at him seriously.

“I know young love is exciting and it makes people reckless but I hope you're both being safe if–!”

A sound not unlike a heavy weight hitting cement echoed through the whole street. That day, J hit an S rank awakener for the first time.

He was sturdy.

Vaguely perceiving moving shapes in the distance and feeling the ground beneath her shake, Park Hye-kyung knew.

She was going to die soon.

There, surrounded by the corpses of her team – some of them her dear friends – the cries and moans of the dying survivors, she stayed right where she was.

Her leg was bent at an unnatural angle, oozing blood despite the tourniquet around it. Her whole body ached, her head pounded and she couldn't breathe without a whistling noise escaping her.

She watched her approaching death, a mix of grim apathy and a mess of raging emotions fighting to escape the tightly closed lid she had them under.

She would never get to see her nephew again.

She wished she'd had the chance to hold him in her arms one last time, to feel his warmth, his heartbeat, his life. More than anything she wished she'd gotten the chance to see him grow up into the wonderful man she knew her child to be.

She wanted to rage against the world with all her might, hadn't they paid the price yet? How was this fair? They'd already lost so much, and yet here they were, about to suffer an unbearable tragedy once more.

Guilt assaulted her, and she bent, hands clenching so hard they trembled.

She was going to leave them both. She was going to leave Cha Eui-jae, him who'd already lost his family.
She took comfort in the thought that, at the very least, he wouldn't be alone in his grief. She knew Lee Sa-young, though he was still a child himself, would care for her nephew as he had since the start.

Still.

Still, she'd wished to look after him forever.

Nothing would ever stop her from loving him, not even death, but she wished with desperate fervor that she could be there for him to rely on. He had so much resting upon his shoulders at such a young age, and she resented her soulmate for her part in his pain, even though she understood her reasoning to some degree.

She missed him. She had missed him, in those months since her move to Incheon. She'd miss him in death, too.

The hoard of strange white monsters was visible now, and the others had noticed. They tried to weakly drag themselves away, clawing at the ground in a pointless struggle.

She'd miss her soulmate too, despite their differences.

They'd never get to live a peaceful domestic life together, never get to call each other “wife”, never get to laugh at horror movies together again.

She'd never get to feel her lover's warmth, to comfort her and be comforted in return.

What was the last thing they'd said to each other? Park Hye-kyung was too exhausted to remember, she hoped it hadn't been another argument, she should've told her soulmate she loved her more often.

Moving her hand to her leg, she coated injured fingers in a thick layer of blood, before painting over the length of her arm;

In the next life

It barely took a moment for Seok-Jong to answer, making her smile one last time.

I'll find you again

With a deafening roar, the creatures reached them. Screams, limbs and blood flew all around but she stayed sat where she was.

There was no point in struggling, the end was inevitable.

She thought of the two persons she loved the most still in this world, and didn't cry.

Good things didn't happen to J.
The rare times they did they never lasted long, and the consequences were always some kind of devastating.

Like a man walking to the gallows, J entered the Director of the Awakened Management Bureau’s office, his steps steady and sure but pace slow.

Just a few months ago, he'd never have been so reluctant to fulfill his duty.
Just a few months ago, he'd never have even considered rejecting orders.

In front of him, Director Ham Seok-Jong sat at her desk, leaning against her steepled hands with a grim look.

“Take a seat.”

J sat on the sofa without a word and grabbed the files in front of him from the table. As he looked through, he recognized them to be profiles of hunters who were associated with the Awakened Management Bureau, before his blood iced in his veins.

An achingly familiar face stared back at him.

[Park Hye-kyung, 45 years old, A-grade hunter, Incheon Branch of the Awakened Management Bureau.]

Just above her picture, a bright blood red stamp had been messily applied with enough force to crumple the paper, ink droplets staining the white of the sheet.

[Status: Deceased]

A tearing noise broke through the tense silence of the room, Ham Seok-Jong sighed softly through her nose, closing her eyes briefly before straightening up.

“Would you like something to drink?” Even though her words were kind and polite, her voice was flat, exhausted.
J felt selfishly vindicated by that.

Flexing his fingers through the files, he leaned back against the couch, casually throwing a leg over his left knee.

“So,” He started, tone detached, “Aunt went in after all.”

Despite his blatant disrespect, the Director didn't react, she just stayed there at her desk, unmoving, unblinking. Talking to a statue would be no different, J mused.

His grip tightened on the paper, his right foot moving erratically.

[Status: Deceased]

He read the words over and over, mouthing them silently behind his mask.

[Status: Deceased]

It was odd, he had thought he'd react more than this. He loved his aunt, treasured her dearly, then why was it that her loss was affecting him so little?

The fingers of his left hand started fidgeting, alternating between scratching at each other and tapping each fingertips rapidly.

[Status: Deceased]

After everything she'd done for him, everything she'd given him; all that love, care and compassion she showed him freely, and he couldn't even get teary eyed.

[Status: Deceased]

J gnawed on his lower lip, how was it that he was feeling so numb, so… Empty? Hollow? After getting the news that his last remaining family member was dead.

They said that those who awakened weren't normal individuals, that the system had altered something fundamental in them.
Those were only tiny whispers heard very few and very far between, no one really believed them, but in this moment J felt that maybe they'd been right. At least about him.

[Status: Deceased]

He threw the documents towards the table, idly shaking his hand to get rid of the remaining paper clinging to his fingers.

“Well…” He sighed, tilting his head to the side, “The rift's very close to the Incheon Branch so of course she went in,”

“...Yes.”

“The Bureau sent additional hunters too,”

“Right.”

He watched one of the sheets which had detached itself from the rest, and was precariously perched on the edge of the table flutter.

“But no one came back.”

“...No.”

The sheet slipped and fell to the floor.

“Are you okay?”

“...Are you testing me?”

“Yes.”

Ham Seok-Jong sighed so deeply it was like she'd been holding her breath for hours. She took off her glasses, blindly tossing them on her desk to rub at her eyes. Seeming to give up, she simply covered her face with both hands, leaning her elbows on her desk.

None of them spoke for a long moment, the slow, repetitive tic tac of the clock the only sound superseding that of their breathing.

How much time had passed?
J blinked, a wet tacky feeling on his fingers startling him. When he turned to look, blood was slowly trickling down his hand.

Uncrossing his legs, he clenched his bloodied hand, bringing it to his lap as he leaned forward, resting his chin on his right hand.

“What's wrong Director?”

[Status: Deceased]

“Go on then, give the order.”

[Status: Deceased]

“Tell me I'm the only one who can be trusted with this, the only one who can do it.”

Status: Deceased

“Say that I'm the last resort.”

Status: Deceased

“So order me to go into the rift,”

Status: Deceased

“Order me to die there like–”

Ham Seok-Jong jerked up like she'd been electrocuted, and maybe if she had it would've been less painful than this.
She looked at him with wide, red rimmed eyes and J finally saw her as she was for the first time since he'd arrived.

He saw her hand, clenched so tightly her knuckles were bleached white, resting tensely next to her forearm with obvious tremors, like it was taking all her remaining strength to keep it there, and suddenly he remembered.

He wasn't the only one who had lost Park Hye-kyung.

He wasn't the only one who loved her dearly, but in his grief, he'd been blinded to the echoes he could now see reflected back to him.

He hadn't noticed the faint tremble of her fingertips. Hadn't seen her posture to be more a slouch than a lean, as if she'd lost the support needed to hold herself up and crumbled beneath her own weight.

It was too late to take his words back, they both knew what he'd been about to say. All he could do now was regret the cruelty he'd shown her. He should've looked at her, should've seen the signs, how could he have forgotten? Any rationality had left him as soon as he'd seen that cursed stamp on his aunt's file.

He thought of his soulmate, still lost somewhere in Seoul. J had failed to save Lee Sa-young, and now he would lose the chance to find him.

His fists clenched painfully, joints popping, and he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

J knew with exact certitude when it had all started to go wrong.

He blinked and found himself standing in front of a very familiar door. How had he even gotten there? When had he left? What time was it? How long had it been since his disastrous meeting with the Director?

He banged his forehead against the door, feeling the coldness of the steel seep into his bones.

…What should he do now? Should he tell the boy he was leaving?

No. No, why would he? This was just a routine mission, he went into rifts and dungeons every day, there was no need to worry him over nothing. It wouldn't take him all that long to come back, the boy probably wouldn't even notice the difference.

He just needed to kill the rift's master as usual, maybe he'd even find survivors, as impossible as that was. The only difference was that so many qualified hunters had failed before him.

Auntie had failed before him.

[Status: Deceased]

J banged his head harder against the door, he clenched his fists so tightly the gloves he didn't remember putting on creaked. He felt like he was running a fever, he felt restless, he needed to do something, kill a few monsters, destroy a dungeon.

[Status: Deceased]

‘In the rift…’

[Status: Deceased]

‘If I die in there…’

Rustling from inside the room brought him out of his spiraling thoughts and, on instinct, J flung the door open with so much force it bounced loudly against the wall.

The boy who was still covered from head to toe in bandages was trying his hardest to get out of his bed.
Shaking terribly all over, he was clumsily trying to remove the tubes and wires connected to him but his fingers kept slipping; he still hadn't recovered enough strength nor range of movement to properly hold anything in his hands yet.

Despite the pain, he stubbornly kept trying to sit up, his body wracked with strong shivers. It was too much too soon of course, and horrible coughs burst out of him harshly.

J ran to him, his hip hitting the corner of the hospital bed on his way.
The boy covered his mouth as J approached, curling in on himself as if trying to forcefully stifle his coughing.

J grabbed his shoulders and had to very carefully control his strength not to harm the kid as the smell of blood hit him head on.
From the boy's fingers where they still tightly covered his mouth, dark crimson blood was leaking out.

“Hey,” J exclaimed, heart beating wildly in his throat, “Why are you trying to get up?”

He gently squeezed the child's shoulders, “Why–!?”

A bloodied hand made him freeze just as he was about to shout, it gripped his jacket tightly, leaving dark stains on the cloth.
Rough bandages came to nuzzle his neck, and for this first time in too long, J felt another person's warmth resting against him.

His hands flexed, his teeth grinding together. He shut his eyes so tightly he saw stars behind his eyelids.
He was always cold and so he could never reject warmth, all he could do was embrace his only success and be grateful.

He ignored the alarms that had started screeching around them, focusing all his attention on not hurting the precious child in his arms.

Carefully, he ran a hand over the boy's back, near featherlight, feeling each ridge of his spine. With his other hand J stroked his bandaged head softly.

Even though the kid was clearly resting all his weight against him, he still felt disturbingly light to J, as if he wasn't even there at all. Thankfully, he could hear the faint sound of a rapid heartbeat.

He's alive.

He repeated those blessed words in his mind over and over.

‘I saved him,’ He thought, near delirious in his disbelief, ‘This child, I really saved him.’

His body started to relax, and the pain in his muscles subsided to a dull ache.

J didnt want to go, and maybe if things had been different, he would have turned down a mission, defied orders, just to stay here with them but...
The West Sea Rift kept rapidly expanding with no end in sight. If he didn't go in to close it, there was no telling how much destruction it'd wreak. J couldn't let it reach the coast. He still didn't know where Sa-young was.

There were only two people in this world who could make him hesitate. One of them was safe in his arms, the other still lost to him but alive somewhere in Seoul, at the very least.

Still.

[Status: deceased]

So many A rank hunters were sent to the West Sea Rift, all of them dead.
If J didn't close it, if he let it continue to grow unchecked...

There was no choice. He had to go in.

There was never going to be any other choice.

J looked down at the boy in his arms, caressing his wrapped head gently, and thought of Lee Sa-young.

'I have to protect them.’

With all the gentleness he was capable of, J could do nothing but hold him and wish he'd done the same with Sa-young.

He sighed, resting his chin over the child's head and felt him flinch against his chest.

“You can do whatever you want, anything, but please,” He rubbed his cheek against that bandaged head softly, “Don't scare me like that.”

He felt the boy nod and lift his arms a little more to try to embrace him back.

“The doctors will be here soon, just hold on for a bit longer.”

He jolted when the boy started to push him away while shaking his head. Thinking he was trying to escape, J grabbed his arm on instinct.

“What is it? Why are you upset?”

The child pushed at his chest again, he narrowed his eyes, frantically trying to understand.

“Don't you want to see the doctor?”

Seeing him incline his head to the right in a dismissive manner, J sighed. The kid didn't seem to dislike his medical team, however he also didn't seem to like them either, certainly not the way he appeared to like J.

Running his hands up and down those frail arms, he tried another angle.

“...Do you want to stay with me?”

The boy nodded eagerly, pawing at his jacket. It was so cute and unexpectedly straightforward it made J snicker.

“Is that really it?” He grinned behind his mask, half disbelieving, half elated.

Unfortunately, his reaction looked to have been misunderstood, the boy started to move around like a worm again, trying to get out of his grasp.

Knowing he'd offended him, there was only one thing he could do.

J scrambled to carefully get a proper hold on him again and brought him back to his chest, caressing his bandaged head soothingly.

“Wait, I'm not laughing at you, I promise!”

The boy stilled but he didn't acknowledge J.

Clearing his throat awkwardly, he searched through his inventory before pulling out a vial filled with a thick, sky blue liquid that moved around like it was alive.

This was a piece of slime he'd found in a dungeon and pocketed after seeing hunters play with it, he'd intended to give it to the child but that would have to wait.

Tearing off a bit of it, he flicked it towards the door, as soon as it made contact, the slime expanded to cover the gap in the doorway, sealing it completely.

J eyed the CCTV in the corner of the room, before throwing another piece of slime to wrap around the camera.

“There, no one will be able to come in, happy?”

He didn't give the other any time to respond before he sighed, “Honestly, you're such a handful.” Though the words made it seem like he was complaining, his tone was fond and his smile audible.

“...You remind me of someone,”

The boy lifted his head to look at him curiously and J absentmindedly trailed his fingers along his shoulder blades in nonsensical patterns.

Should he tell him about Sa-young? He didn't want to put his soulmate in danger, but it had been a while since he'd been able to talk about him with someone.
The room was secure, and, seeing his behavior with others, J trusted that this child wouldn't tell anyone if he asked him not to.

“You can't tell anyone about what I'm going to tell you, got it?” He made sure to look the boy in the eyes and speak with a stern tone as he said this, and didn't move until the child nodded.

“I have a soulmate.”

The boy perked up, before coughing again. J carefully slid an arm under his legs and back, moving him to lay propped up in bed, then, he took off his boots, found the commands to turn off the alarms and manœuvred his body around the tubes connected to the kid so he could get in next to him.
Lifting his arm, he brought the boy closer to cuddle against his side and leaned against him lightly.

"Want to know what he's like?" The boy didn't move for a moment, before slowly inclining his head.

"A brat." Frail, bandaged shoulders flinched, "He's stubborn and rude. He always harasses me until he gets his way, and he keeps calling my handwriting cursed. A real pain, that menace." J continued to rant, not noticing the boy looking away, back curving.
With his aunt gone, he hadn't had anyone to talk to about his soulmate. After weeks of steady build up, it was like a dam finally bursting, and the words poured from him uncharacteristically animated.

"He's also perceptive at the most annoying times," J sighed, shaking his head, "But he cares about me. Did you know he used to remind me every day to eat? This kid honestly. He's funny too, and despite being a nuisance," He hesitated for a second, before continuing softly," Talking to him always makes me feel better." Though his face couldn't be seen behind his mask, an unmistakable smile could be heard in his voice. It was so clear that the boy had turned his head to look at the hunter as soon as he'd heard it, hands twitching weakly against the bedsheets.

Silence fell over them as J's mood turned somber, his fingers drumming softly on the other’s shoulder while he rubbed the coarse woolen blanket between the thumb and index of his other, ungloved hand.

“I don't know where he is,” He whispered, eyes fixed on the white wall in front of him, gaze distant, “Something bad happened, I don't know what but he's not answering anymore. I've been searching but…” J let out a shuddering sigh, and felt the boy snuggle further into him like he was trying to comfort him, “It's been months and there's still no sign of him anywhere, all I know is that he's alive, at least.”

He was pulled out of his spiralling thoughts when the child started to pat him on the chest with no small amount of determination. There was so little strength he could barely feel it, but J turned to him regardless.

“What? What is it?”

The boy brought his hand to his own chest, and tapped it twice, J tilted his head.

“... Oh, you have a soulmate too? Is that it?” The other slumped, shaking his head. He tapped J's chest again before doing the same with his own, repeating the gesture twice and inclining his head towards him.

J squinted at him, trying to understand. Even though he'd learned a lot of this child's mannerisms, there were still times where he couldn't understand him at all.

The boy leaned closer against him in a short hug before looking back up at him and nodding vigorously. J suddenly felt like a lightbulb had gone off in his head.

“I know,” His smile was dim but genuine, “ I know I still have you, and I'm grateful for that but it's not the same.”

“I care about both of you, and neither of you could replace the other to me, I'd never want that.” Despite his patient explanation, the boy looked up at the ceiling before falling back against J's side with a sigh, burying his face in his shoulder.

J blinked at the dramatic display, well, in truth he'd barely moved at all, but considering his condition that was still more than he probably should. Had he been this dramatic as a teenager? He hoped not, though he probably had, good thing he couldn't remember clearly then.

Resting his cheek over the other's head, he closed his eyes to savor their closeness, the warmth and the serene atmosphere.

He'd no idea what time it was, but he probably would need to leave soon. There was something important he needed to do, he also needed to read the mission briefing, he didn't want to remember his meeting with the Director.

“I'm going away for a while.” His voice was too loud in the near silence of the room, he hadn't meant to say this, had already decided before entering that he wouldn't and yet, he couldn't help but be honest.

Suddenly, the boy's hand clutched his shirt in a desperate grip, and he wiggled to move closer to him despite the medical equipment and injuries hindering him, it was as if he was trying to wrap himself around J like an octopus.

J watched him in bewilderment for a moment before snapping out of it, trying to coax the child to calm down.

“Are you telling me to stay?”

The kid nodded vehemently and J felt a wave of bittersweet feelings rising within him.
Of course he didn't want to go, he wanted to stay with his only success, he still hadn't rescued Lee Sa-young either, how could he leave them like this? And yet, there was nothing to be done.

Well… There was one small thing he could do, a promise he'd made a while ago and had nearly forgotten.

“Give me your hand.”

The sheer oddity of the statement seemed to confuse the boy enough to momentarily stop his attempted takeover of J's body.

Reaching out, he took the bandaged hand that held tightly onto him and guided it to his face, where he'd lifted his mask a little to reveal his jaw and lips.
When his fingers touched J's skin, they recoiled as if zapped by static electricity.

“I promised you, remember?” He chuckled, “Go on then, this is my face, not my mask.”

When the boy stayed unmoving, J tilted his head playfully.

“Weren't you curious?”

He tugged a little on the hand still in his grasp, the child relaxed and the tips of his fingers brushed against J's cheek.

Closing his eyes, he stayed put and let the other do as he pleased, feeling the rough texture of the dressing on his hands rub against his skin as he listened to his quiet, raspy breathing.

When J still hadn't moved away after a few minutes had passed, the boy seemed to gain confidence and began tracing the lines of his face enthusiastically. He repeated the motions several times, as if he was trying to commit them to memory. His fingers caressed down his cheek, followed his jaw to his chin and stalled when they grazed his bottom lip.

“Why stop? You can keep going.” J smiled. He felt the boy's fingers jerk away, this seemingly careful attitude coming from such a brash kid amusing him strongly.
Interacting with this child was always entertaining, and faced with this unexpected reaction, J couldn't help but tease him a little.

“You're the first person to touch my face like this.”

The hand in his grasp twitched before it trailed up to cup his face with a surprisingly firm grip that still remained careful not to hurt him, despite the impossibility of it happening. With a low hum, J rested his head in the boy's palm, rubbing his cheek against it affectionately.

The contact along with the sound of a heartbeat and the warmth of a person soothed something deep within J's soul, a sort of wound he hadn't known was bleeding, or maybe he had known, he'd just grown used to the pain.

“I'll be back.”

He'd thought about it over and over; the chances were at their lowest and the odds against him, so many people wanted him to go into the rift and get rid of it like the hero they'd made him into.

J was not an optimist, he liked to manage expectations and stay realistic. He was terrible at lying, and even worse at taking care of himself. To him, saving lives was the priority, he didn't need a reason to save people and so he always agreed to be sent into danger.
No one would stop him, so he wouldn't stop either.

Nagging words and trembling hands appeared in his mind, settling there as if they owned it, like they were always meant to be there.

‘...Except for you two.’

There was at least one person who wanted him to stay, another who needed him, two reasons why he should come back as fast as he could.

In the face of it all, J was not an optimist, he didn't like making promises he couldn't keep but this one he knew, this one he simply had to.

No matter what, he'd come back to them, for them, he'd fight with everything he had to make it until he was back in this room, until he'd found him.

He looked at his only success, his trembling lips were turned down, his nose scrunched up cutely and his eyes were glossy, narrowed like he was trying not to cry.

He felt his heart squeeze, warmth radiating from his chest through his whole body.

Just this once, J would allow himself to be selfish.

“Will you wait for me?”

His voice was soft, hesitant. He wasn't used to letting himself have things, especially not what he wanted.

The world was still and silence reigned. His anxiety grew each second, only to nearly overtake him when the boy withdrew his hand from his face. He missed it instantly, catching himself before he could follow it.

He should've known, he shouldn't have overstepped like this, what had he been thinking? Of course the kid wouldn't want to wait for some stranger he barely knew, there was no guarantee he'd even come back, he couldn't just wait for him forever, that was perfectly reasonable and understandable.

Just as he was about to step back and close his eyes, the boy raised his hand, pinky finger held out in front of him.

J blinked rapidly to rid his eyes of the sting, breathed in a long calming breath, and gently looped his own pinky through that still healing one.

“...I'll definitely come back so, please, wait for me in the meantime.”

Stepping into his apartment, J took his phone out of his pocket and made a call. He walked to his bedroom without even taking off his boots or jacket and leaned against the wall next to his bed, facing the closed door.

He only had to wait for two rings before the person answered.

“J? Are you alright?” His voice was heavy with concern and the words were spoken in a hurry. J didn't have the time nor the energy to offer empty reassurances right now.

“Jung Bin.”

“Yes?”

J's body was tense, his hands clenched and his teeth ground together before he forced himself to speak.

“I need your help.”

There was a brief moment of silence before the other man answered, tone careful and somber.

“Official or personal?”

“Personal.” He breathed in through his nose, steeling himself, “...I need you to keep this a secret, can you promise you'll never tell anyone about this?”

“Do you mean…”

“Yeah.”

“...Is it something illegal?”

“No.”

The sound of shifting fabric and the wheels of a desk chair could be heard over the phone, J guessed Jung Bin was probably still in his office even at this hour.

“Then I'll help you anyway I can.” He said, voice so steady and strong that J couldn't help but believe him.

“You have my word, I swear I won't tell anyone about this conversation to anyone, not even the Director.”

J let out a relieved sigh, sliding down the wall to the floor, slumping over his knees. He sat there, curled up in a corner, the moon the only source of light in the room.

“I need your help in setting up something discreetly.”

Sa-young, could you answer?

…

Anything

…

Anything at all, even just a drop of ink

…

If you answer, I promise I won't complain again

…

You can nag me all you want

…

Tease me about my terrible handwriting

…

I won't say a word

…

I won't call you a brat anymore

…

Just tell me you're safe

…

Please?

…

…

Sa-young

…

I have to go for a little while but don't worry, I'll keep writing

…

I won't forget about you

…

I'll be back soon, will you answer me then?

…

I'll keep waiting

…

Be safe