Chapter Text
Jaehyun’s always been the one who’s head over heels.
And for this reason, when Jaehyun sits down across from him at their kitchen table and folds his hands in his lap, looking at Taeyong with cool, serious eyes, it takes him by surprise.
For a minute, he’s not sure if he understands what the younger boy’s just said.
“What do you mean?” Taeyong asks, his hands wrapped around the mug of tea in front of him. It’s so hot, the skin of his palms tingle, but it’s not an unpleasant feeling.
Jaehyun shifts back in his chair, mouth twisting in contemplation. “I said, maybe we should take things slowly.”
They’ve spent the past couple weeks wrapped up in each other, pushing each other against every possible surface to press kisses to the other’s mouth, dragging themselves into bed every chance they get. Even in Taeyong’s eyes, they’re beginning to get a bit much.
“I don’t disagree,” Taeyong murmurs thoughtfully. “But why now? Why when we’ve already done everything there is to do?” He takes a sip of tea, smiling when he realizes it’s exactly how he likes it. Jaehyun’s picked up on it, after living with him for months.
“I want both of us to be sure. I don’t want to make the same mistakes over and over again. We should know better by now.” Jaehyun’s eyebrows furrow. “We’re almost in our twenties. There’s plenty of other mistakes to make. I want us to not regret anything else we do together. I want you to like me for… for me, not because of circumstance, or because you feel like there’s no other option.”
Taeyong knows there are other options. He’d been with other people, dated around, even thought about bringing people over, but no one’s ever made him feel as right as Jaehyun.
But he wants to do things right this time. He’s sure about it, and he wants Jaehyun to be, too.
He takes a deep breath through his nose, releases it through his mouth. “Okay. Let’s take it slow.”
The smile Jaehyun shoots him is bright with relief, and Taeyong thinks that things are finally starting to work out for them.
-
Takings things slow turns out to be more complicated than either of them had anticipated.
In words, it had seemed fairly simple. In action, it proves to be much more difficult, especially when Johnny and Ten invite them over one night, and Ten’s first reaction after opening the door is, “You guys smell like each other. Spill it before I have to interrogate you.”
Behind him, Doyoung slinks up to the door, takes one look at them, and his eyes widen dramatically. “Tell me who instigated so I can go collect my money.”
Ten hisses, “Shut up, they’re not supposed to know about that!” and slaps Doyoung’s arm gently.
Taeyong’s sure his face is bright red by now, and when he dares a glance towards Jaehyun, he finds the Alpha in the same way, flushed from the tips of his ears to the collar of his shirt.
“Tell me you didn’t have a running bet,” Taeyong groans, pushing past the bickering pair into the apartment.
“It’s a joke,” Ten drawls, rolling his eyes. “As if we would ever.”
(Although, a minute later, Taeil walks in and exclaims, “I told you so, Kim Doyoung! How much do you owe me?” and Taeyong is so close to just getting up and walking home until Ten says placatingly, “We made it years ago, okay? It’s really more of a joke than anything else.”)
Surprisingly, when Johnny walks out of the kitchen, he just waves at them before turning to Ten and asking him where he’d put the wine.
Taeyong throws a sharp look at Jaehyun, who blushes even deeper and shrugs helplessly.
“He tells me everything, remember?” Johnny grins, winking in Taeyong’s direction. He ducks, as if to avoid it.
“You knew?” Ten and Doyoung screech at once, and Ten shrieks, “You didn’t even tell me? And you!”
Ten turns to Taeyong with murder in his eyes. “Does friendship mean nothing to you?”
Taeyong turns to Johnny, eyes wide and pleading, and Johnny lays a hand on Ten’s shoulder, drags him back into the kitchen to help him finish cooking.
For a second, there’s silence, Taeyong and Jaehyun to mortified to even look at each other. Then, Taeil giggles nervously and mumbles quietly to himself, “Was the bet a secret?”
-
Unfortunately, taking it slow also means that at the end of the night, when they stumble home, still tipsy and giggling, after exchanging kisses in the back of the cab, they have to part ways to their respective bedrooms.
Taeyong hesitates in front of his door for a minute, half of him filled with the urge to trail after Jaehyun and crawl into bed with him, but then Jaehyun’s bedroom door closes, and he takes a deep breath to clear his head, which is still buzzing from the wine, and enters his empty room alone.
Even in bed, he can feel Jaehyun’s thrumming reluctance on the other size of the wall. He’s brimming with desire so powerful that he feels like there’s something physical pushing him towards Jaehyun’s room, and it takes all his willpower to stay in bed, hands clenched tightly in his blankets until Jaehyun falls asleep and the urge fades.
-
It happens slowly, but inch by inch, they creep towards falling back together. The intense heat in Taeyong’s stomach mellows into sweet warmth, the lust dissolving into a deeper yearning, and still, they take their time.
They spend a lot of time with each other and away from each other, testing the limits of their bond. Some days, Taeyong wants nothing more than to pull Jaehyun into his room and kiss him silly, than to tear off all his clothes and climb into his lap.
Likewise, there are days where Jaehyun’s hands linger around his waist for too long, held back only by impeccable self restraint, and they find themselves giggling nervously, cautiously retreating to their own sides of the couch before it can get too heated.
Quite frankly, Taeyong is tired. He wants Jaehyun for himself, but he figures after making the younger boy wait so long, the least he can do is wait out this short time.
They also spend days doing the most mundane things, cuddling on the couch on their days off, watching stupid anime and cleaning the house together, taking trips to the coffeeshop down the street, going out to lunch with friends, and Taeyong falls into the habit of ordinariness easily.
It’s not until Ten shakes his head in mock pity after he sends Jaehyun to the corner store to pick up some drinks when he’s visiting one day, and he says, “You guys act like you’re middle aged and have three kids. What happened to you?” that Taeyong realizes just how mundane they’ve really become.
“It’s comfortable,” he tries to reason, “This way, we’re not doing anything to accidentally hurt each other.”
Ten takes his hands, gripping them tightly. “Taeyong, you know I love you,” he begins, and waits until Taeyong nods to say in a deadpan, “You’re both idiots.”
Taeyong wrenches his hands away. “You don’t understand. I can’t just rush into things again. What if I do something and we both realize this wasn’t the right thing to do?”
Ten shakes his head. “Are you going to keep living your life walking on eggshells, then? Are you going to avoid hurting each other’s feelings until everything’s all bottled up and it makes a rift between you? That’s not living, honey. That’s not how relationships work.”
Taeyong knows how overly cautious they’ve been with each other, but it’s only with their own best intentions in mind. After everything that’s happened to them, it’s only natural they be careful.
“I don’t want to hurt him.” Taeyong mumbles, turning away.
Ten wraps him up in a hug that makes his chest swell in affection, carding his hands through Taeyong’s hair. “Don’t be afraid, okay? It’s Jaehyunnie, for god’s sake. You know how long he’s waited for this. You know you’re not going to do anything. The fact that you admit you don’t want to hurt him tells me that you care, and that’s enough.”
When Ten says it out loud, it all sounds so reasonable, but Jaehyun’s vulnerability is still fresh in his mind, his trust still fragile. Taeyong wants to build this relationship out of the utmost care.
Jaehyun gets back then, and Ten pushes Taeyong away so quickly that he’s left reeling. “Wine,” Ten cheers, running over to grab the plastic bags from Jaehyun’s hands, “The only reason I come around here anymore.”
“I knew you were just friends with me for my taste in alcohol,” Jaehyun pouts, but hands them over willingly. He undoes the buttons of his coat and leaves it on the back of one of their chairs, and Taeyong feels his fingers itch with the urge to go put it away.
He winds up getting up, grabs the coat and undoes Jaehyun’s scarf for him, unwrapping it and kissing him chastely before going to hang them up. Ten shakes his head, saying quietly to himself, “Love is truly the most disgusting thing.”
“Now you know how we feel every time you sit in Johnny’s lap even though there are empty seats.” Taeyong finishes hanging up the coat and looks over at Jaehyun, who’s flopped down on the sofa next to Ten now. He looks good, the fabric of his black sweater clinging to him whenever he moves, and it makes Taeyong’s body warm up.
“Speaking of Johnny,” Taeyong adds, eyeing Ten meaningfully, “Aren’t you late? I thought you said he was taking you out tonight.”
Ten blinks once in confusion, and then realization takes over his face. “Right,” he cries immediately standing up, “I have to go. How could I forget?”
Jaehyun stares curiously as Ten gathers his belongings and leaves in a rush, grabbing the plastic bag from the liquor store (“Hey,” Jaehyun says halfheartedly, but makes no effort to stop him from taking the bottles) and slams the door shut behind him.
Taeyong hesitates by the door much longer than necessary.
Jaehyun’s still sitting on the couch, but his head’s tipped back against the headrest, his eyes shut. Taeyong strides forward before he can lose the courage Ten’s stirred up inside him.
He slides onto Jaehyun’s lap, and the younger boy jerks under him, eyes opening wide.
“Welcome home,” Taeyong says, way too late. He leans in and leaves a quick kiss against the soft curve of Jaehyun’s cheek.
Jaehyun bites his lip. “What are you doing?” he asks, carefully pressing his hands to Taeyong’s thighs.
Taeyong presses their foreheads together, and for a second, they’re left staring at each other, breath shallow between them. “I want to tell you something,” he whispers, eyes searching Jaehyun’s. “Are you listening?”
“Always,” Jaehyun breathes.
Grabbing onto Jaehyun’s shoulders for balance, Taeyong pulls him even closer until their lips brush each other’s with every word. “I’m never going to regret this, so I don’t want you to treat me like I’m made of glass or about to break at any second. I meant it when I said I love you. I want you fully, and that means no more of this… this weirdness. I want you for you, and not just the version of you that you like to show everyone, acting like some kind of prince. It’s okay not to be so kind and understanding sometimes. It’s okay to get mad at me, or to get annoyed. I like all those parts of you, so let me see them.”
Jaehyun’s trembling under him, so finely that he’d miss it if not for how closely they’re pressed together. “I don’t want to make you upset.”
“Getting upset is part of the process, Jae,” Taeyong murmurs back, pressing their lips together in a careful kiss, “We can’t sort through things if we never confront them. This time, we’ll do it together so we can both work on it instead of letting it fester.”
Jaehyun stares at him for another beat, and then exhales, his shoulders slumping. “You’re right.” He admits finally, “I’m sorry I was so hesitant. I want you fully too. No more restraint”
“Vices and virtues,” Taeyong promises, kissing him again.
Jaehyun’s mouth twists against his. “Vices and virtues,” he echoes, arms snaking up Taeyong’s thighs to wrap around his waist.
Taeyong feels Jaehyun grip him tighter, and then he’s being jostled, Jaehyun straightening up as he stands. Taeyong yelps in surprise, clinging on tightly. “What are you doing?” he asks, fingers twisting in Jaehyun’s sweater.
“Giving you my unrestrained self,” Jaehyun grins, not stumbling once under Taeyong’s weight.
“Thank god,” Taeyong cries in relief, “I was starting to think you didn’t think I was hot anymore.”
“You’ll always be hot to me,” Jaehyun giggles, kicking at the door behind them to make it swing closed. This time they’re in his room instead of Taeyong’s. Jaehyun presses a line of warm kisses up the side of Taeyong’s neck, and repeats firmly, “Always.”
Taeyong tangles his fingers through his hair, pulls him closer, and breathes into his mouth, “You’re mine now.”
Jaehyun pulls away from his neck, eyes shining with the promise of a bright future. He says, “I’ve been yours since the beginning.”
Epilogue: Twenty Five
“You know, I never thought I’d see a day where Taeyong looks better than me.” Ten says, but there’s an impossibly wide grin on his face.
“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” Taeyong asks dryly. He glances at the mirror, though, just to make sure he’s still as meticulously made up as he’d been left by the stylist. His suit’s simple, a black jacket over a similarly dark dress shirt.
“It’s as close as I’m going to get without grossly sobbing all over you, so let’s consider it a compliment.”
“I told you he’d cry,” Yuta grins good naturedly, swinging an arm around Taeil, who’s wiping at his eyes. “I bet the only one who’s going to cry more than him is Taeyong.”
“Shut up,” Taeyong whines good naturedly, “If I cry the pictures will all end up being of my blotchy face.”
“Not even your crying face could make you less handsome,” Taeil promises through a sniffle. He reaches out, straightens Taeyong’s tie with a careful hand.
Taeyong opens his mouth, finds himself unable to speak through the emotion that rises in his throat. He clears his throat, blinking rapidly to clear his misty eyes, and tries again. “Thank you, guys,” he murmurs, voice trembling over the words. “For always staying with me when I need you. For everything.”
Ten’s lips are trembling again, and even Yuta ducks his face away, wiping his eyes roughly before turning back to him. “You know we love you,” he mumbles, “So don’t be dumb. We’ll always be there for you.”
Ten wraps him up in an embrace that Yuta and Taeil join in on, and Taeyong spends a minute under their arms trying to calm his rapid heartbeat. It’s not until a light knock on the door interrupts them that they break apart.
“It’s time to get started,” Doyoung says softly, cracking the door open a little. “Everyone’s waiting.”
Yuta squeezes Taeyong’s hand one more time, and lets him go, pushing him gently towards the door. “Go on,” he whispers, “We’ll be right behind you.”
Taeyong takes one last deep breath to quiet his nerves and follows Doyoung out.
He nearly stumbles twice, panic settling into his bones, but each time, someone catches him, helps him find his balance, and Taeyong knows he’s going to be fine. “You’re okay,” Ten whispers gently, fingers grasping his elbow as he pulls him straight.
Finally, he walks past the threshold of the door into the ceremony hall, and Johnny’s there in place of his father, who’d passed the year before. Johnny gives him a gentle smile, eyes twinkling when they find Ten over his shoulder, and then he reaches out for Taeyong’s hand.
It feels only right that they do this themselves. Taeyong’s parents haven’t been involved in his life in so long, and his sister and niece sitting beside his mother in the audience is enough blood for his side. He has another family, in the form of their friends.
Doyoung hands him off to Johnny, and Johnny murmurs, “He’s been waiting for you.”
Taeyong dips his head in a nod. “I’ve been waiting too,” he whispers back. Perhaps for most of his life, he hadn't realized exactly what it had been that he'd been waiting for, but now he's sure of himself, and of Jaehyun.
Jaehyun sits on the platform, the set of his spine rigid, his handsome face pale with nerves. He’s wearing a suit identical to Taeyong, but a shade lighter in grey. When he glances up through his eyelashes, his expression brightens, and Taeyong clearly feels every shimmering golden thread between them, thrumming with energy and love.
He looks back at his friends, scattered amongst the audience, then to Ten’s eyes filled with tears, Taeil’s with pride, and then finally turns to look forward, into Jaehyun’s dark eyes, and faces the future.
Sometimes, Taeyong realizes, the universe knows what is best.