Chapter Text
Eddie
Ten days after Eddie gets discharged from the hospital, Buck goes back to work. The morning is stressful and hectic, because Buck didn’t want to wake Eddie and he and Christopher spent an ungodly amount of time looking for Chris’ schedule. Which Eddie keeps in the chest of drawers in the living room, because Chris had proven he couldn’t be trusted with it after he lost it five times in a row. The kid knows where each piece of LEGO of his million and one sets is but finds it impossible to keep track of a piece of A4 paper.
Buck was the one who didn’t pack Christopher’s school bag the night before like he’d promised he would, so it’s partially his fault. Actually, it’s entirely his fault. He should have just woken Eddie. But no, Buck wanted to be noble and let Eddie sleep and now he’s rushing around like a headless chicken, trying to get everything in order, get Chris to school on time and not be late for work. If he wants to achieve that he has to leave in less than two minutes. If he’s tardy even by a minute, Chris will get to school on time, but Buck will be late to work.
“Buck,” Eddie calls out, filling a traveling mug with coffee while keeping his eye on the clock. “One minute left.”
“I’m ready!” Buck huffs as he skids in the kitchen doorway and pivots towards the front door. Eddie follows more sedately and watches as Buck unlocks the door and shoulders his bag, preparing to sprint out.
“You forgot something?” Eddie asks sardonically and for a second Buck stares at him blankly before it dawns on him.
“I forgot the kid,” and he runs back towards the bedrooms. “Christopher!”
Seconds later he’s running back, a giggling Christopher on his hip, Chris’ bag on his shoulder along with his own, crutches in hand. Eddie shakes his head and leans against the doorway, pressing the traveling mug in Buck’s free hand and ruffling his son’s hair. Buck is almost bouncing as they say their goodbyes and Eddie really can’t explain what happens next.
Eddie leans closer to them. “Have fun at school, mijo,” he says with a smile, pressing a kiss to Chris’ temple. Then he stretches on his toes, keeping his balance on Buck’s shoulder. “And you be careful, no more heroics.” He doesn’t give Buck time to reply, instead presses a quick, chaste kiss to his lips.
For his part, Buck doesn’t even react, just starts jogging to Eddie’s truck with a shouted, “See you tonight, Eds!” followed by a drawn out, “Bye, Dad!” from Christopher. He watches as Buck situates Chris in his seat, deposits both their bags in the passenger side before waving one last time as he gets in himself and carefully backs out of the driveway.
Eddie shuts the door when he can’t see the truck anymore and just stands there staring at the wood as if it would be able to give him some answers. He’d just kissed Buck. He’d just kissed Buck. On the mouth. In front of Christopher and any neighbor that might have been leaving the house at the same time.
But if the neighbors saw or not is the least of his worries right now. He’d kissed Buck! How the hell was he going to explain that? Buck’s reaction, or the lack of it, is just as strange. Why hadn’t he said anything? Done something to stop Eddie? Why hadn’t he as much as blinked?
Okay, so Eddie knows more about Buck’s colorful past than he’s really comfortable knowing. And Chim had been a single word away from getting punched out a couple of times when he persisted on calling Buck a man whore, anytime that past came up in conversation. Buck never brought it up himself, Eddie knows he’s really ashamed of it, of himself and Chim acting like an ass doesn’t help. So, that Eddie threatened to shut Chim up by feeding him a fist, even if he was only half joking went a long way to make Buck more comfortable with the topic. If Eddie tries really hard, he can just about convince himself that Buck didn’t react to his kiss because he’s so used to getting kissed that it doesn’t register.
But that’s bull and Eddie knows it. Buck hasn’t been kissed since Ali. At least not that Eddie’s aware of. Buck isn’t the type to kiss and tell, not anymore, but Eddie is still pretty sure Buck would have told him if he’d kissed anyone recently. Or in the last year at least. Buck doesn’t hesitate to share with Eddie anything and everything the way Eddie shied away from sharing anything about his charade of a relationship with Ana.
And isn’t it just the height of irony that the one, short peck with Buck felt so much better than any time he’d kissed Ana? If he really thinks about it, he didn’t kiss Ana much, did he? Not that he can remember. Maybe three times in total? Four, wait, five, if you count the couple of times, she kissed him on the cheek. Shouldn’t that have clued him into the fact that he didn’t really want to be with her? Eddie loves kissing, always has. Back when he and Shannon had been starting out, they sometimes spent hours making out. Of course, he was far from a teenager now, but even when Shannon came back, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other and that included a lot of kissing. Eddie never tired of kissing her.
If Shannon was here right now, she’d probably laugh in his face for being so stupid, then proceed to tease him mercilessly that he had a crush on Buck. Which was ridiculous. Eddie didn’t have a crush on his best friend. The kiss was just a small, inconsequential mistake. One that Eddie apparently couldn’t stop thinking about.
His descend into a panic attack is stopped by Carla coming in. “Good morning, sunshine!” she greets him as enthusiastically as ever and Eddie can only muster a grimace in return.
“Carla,” he says lowly, quietly. “I did something very stupid.”
Buck
Buck isn’t having a good day. Quite the opposite, actually. Even disregarding the stressful, hectic start, his day is simply put bad. The root of the problem is… Well, Eddie kissed him. On the mouth. Buck doesn’t know what to do with that. Buck’s really not good at putting what he feels into words, and the fact that Eddie just made pure chaos of his emotions is making everything worse.
Of course, his brain, the asshole that it is, always chooses the worse possible route to go down. So, Buck spends his very busy day trying very hard not to think of Eddie or that kiss. If he puts his mind to it, he can pretend it never happened. At least for a couple of minutes, he can. The second he stops concentrating on anything else, that kiss is back, front and center in HD quality.
He works his ten-hour shift in a daze and only when it’s barely an hour before he’s free to go home does he work up the nerve to text Eddie and ask what he wants for dinner. Eddie’s answer is short, ‘Pizza’. Buck’s not happy with the choice. He’s tired, yes, and cooking is the absolute last thing he wants to do after the day he’s had, but it would keep his mind occupied at least for a while and might have kept any conversation with Eddie at bay. Well, nothing for it, pizza it is.
‘It’ll be here when you get home,’ his phone pings with another text from Eddie and Buck can just stare at it. Home. Eddie called his house Buck’s home. Is the man trying to kill him? Buck had just barely gotten over the our son comment and now this. He just sends a thumbs up emoji to Eddie and jams his phone back into his pocket, now half hoping they’d get a call that runs over and he doesn’t have to go back to Eddie.
Then his phone pings again. Eddie again. ‘We should probably talk,’ is written on his screen and Buck wants to throw it against the wall. For a second, he debates pretending he never got the message, but that would be childish.
And frankly, Eddie’s right. They should definitely talk. Not that he knows what he’d say. The only thing he knows with any certainty is that he won’t be voicing any of his stupid, over-ambitious feelings out loud. Not now. Possibly not ever.
He could argue that Eddie is making all the first steps. The comments, the kiss, but life has never been that easy or good for Buck, why would it start now? The moment he starts to hope, it’ll just be snatched away. And he can’t lose Eddie and Chris. If he lost them, he won’t have anything anymore. He knows that it’s not okay to be so dependent on someone else, and that it won’t ever lead to a good outcome, but it’s not like he can help it. Eddie and Chris gave his life meaning, they gave him a purpose, they gave him family. Without them he’d just go back to the Buck he was before, wandering through life aimlessly, searching for a place he belongs. And finding nothing.
Buck’s not very big on current pop culture and he doesn’t really watch TV, but he and Eddie had been binging Lucifer on Netflix recently. And in a season two episode they watched a couple of days ago Linda says to Lucifer that people come to LA for two reasons. Either they’re searching for something or running from something. Buck can’t really help but think that he and Eddie fit both of these criteria. Both have come to LA, trying to escape their families, their pasts, and both have come to LA searching for something, a place to belong. Eddie found it with the 118. Buck found it with Eddie. And that’s the crux of the problem, isn’t it? While Eddie, and Christopher, are undeniably at the very center of Buck’s universe, he’s just on the edge of theirs.
He and Eddie had built up an indestructible friendship over the course of the years and Buck is pretty sure that there was nothing in the world that could ever make them lose it. Or he used to be. Until he realized that he was in love with Eddie. And how stupid does one person get to be? Like honestly? Buck’s done some dumb shit in his days. There’re some things he’s never ever gonna tell anyone, not even Eddie, secrets he’ll take to his grave, because he still can’t believe he’d been that stupid. Like that time in Mexico when he met the owner of that stinky bar and he… No, not even gonna think about that. Let’s just say that Eddie’s not the first Latino that managed to make Buck do stupid things. Apparently, he has a type.
But so far, Eddie had only made Buck better. Tamed the idiot like Chim would say. Eddie with his steadfast affection and his unwavering loyalty pretty much killed the need Buck had to prove himself. Because he didn’t need to prove himself to Eddie. Eddie took him as he was, accepted him, loved him. Yeah, it would have been strange if Buck hadn’t fallen in love with him.
But Eddie didn’t court this. Eddie was just friendly, and an amazing person and he just wanted to be friends with Buck. Buck had to go and make it weird. Buck had to go and fall for a completely straight man… Okay, so Eddie wasn’t entirely blameless. It’s not like Buck imagined all the touches, all the looks, all the heartfelt words and actions. It’s not like Buck imagined that Eddie made him his son’s guardian, that when Eddie talked about family, he always included Buck. That Eddie had called Christopher their son.
Buck was talking himself in circles and it wasn’t helping. What he needed was to talk to Eddie. But he was scared. Downright terrified. If Eddie asked him, he’d have to be honest. They didn’t keep secrets and lie to each other. That was the deal they made after the lawsuit. Complete honesty. Complete trust. So that nothing could come between them again. And Buck was about to wreck it all.
Eddie
Eddie is a nervous wreck all day. And Buck is being strange. Well, stranger than usual, because Buck’s default is set to strange.
He hadn’t called, like Eddie had expected him to. He knows that they’re busy, with him and Bobby out they’re understaffed and probably stressed beyond belief, but if Buck could find a moment to call, he would. And he hasn’t. He also hasn’t texted. For about half a day he could chalk it up to busy. Then Carla went and picked up Chris from school and when they came back, she talked about how Buck had called just to ask how Christopher’s day was. And yeah, Eddie was hurt. Confused. Confused and hurt.
So, he texted Buck. Because he chickened out of calling. Just a mundane, how’s your day, are you busy. It took Buck an hour and a half to shortly reply, busy, we’re dying. And again, radio silence afterwards. Just when Eddie was ready to march to the station house just so he could clear up whatever went wrong between them, his phone pinged with a text. Buck asking what he wanted for dinner. That was the normal Buck, always thoughtful. But when Eddie told him he’d have pizza waiting, Buck’s only reply was a thumbs-up emoji. And that was the epitome of strange for Buck. Because any other time Eddie did something for him, even something as silly as promising to have dinner waiting when he comes home, Buck would flood his inbox with various emojis and you’re the bests. So, yeah, something was definitely wrong there. It didn’t take a genius to link it to the kiss.
Eddie would never forgive himself if he’d managed to destroy the best relationship he’d ever had because he’d been stupid. He sends Buck another message. ‘We should probably talk.’ Nice and not at all doom-inducing. Except Buck never answers. There’s only slightly over half an hour left on his shift. They could have gotten a call. That could also mean that Buck won’t make it home any time soon. Or maybe, Buck doesn’t want to answer, which, yeah. Not good.
While Christopher does his math homework at the dining table, brow furrowed in concentration and tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth, Eddie paces. Carla left fifteen minutes ago, after unsuccessfully trying to reassure Eddie that everything would be alright. Chris, fortunately, has no idea that something is wrong in their little world. Pizza arrives about five minutes before Buck should. Eddie sets it on the counter and tries to calm his racing heart, but to no avail. He feels as if he’d somehow swallowed a ton of sand and is now chocking on it. No number of deep breaths ease the tightness in his chest. He knows it for what it is, anxiety, fear.
Then he hears a car approaching. Every cell in his body freezes as he listens as the car gets closer before the engine cuts. Seconds later a door slams shut. Then the lock is turning and the door opens and Buck enters. He looks tired, exhausted even and suddenly Eddie feels like a jerk. Buck probably had the shift from hell and here he is adding to his stress by freaking out over a little thing.
But it’s not little. It’s huge. It could break them. Destroy their family and Eddie is terrified.
“Hey,” he manages to croak out through his closed throat.
“Hey,” Buck returns with a wane smile, but avoids eye-contact. He sets his bag down by the door and toes off his sneakers before entering. “How was your day? How’s the arm?”
That’s Buck, always worried. “Good. Not that painful today.”
Another weak smile. “I’m glad.” Then he walks to Chris and presses a kiss to his curls. “What are you working on, buddy?”
“Math,” Chris answers shortly. “It sucks.”
Buck chuckles lightly. “Yeah, it really does, Superman. Need some help?”
Eddie watches them helplessly. Watching them interact is always the highlight of his days. He’d never expected to find Buck when he’d set out for LA all those years ago. He’d never expected to find the missing piece to their family puzzle in a big, blond, chaotic firefighter that was probably a golden retriever in a past life. Yet here they are, and Eddie would be damned if he let anything harm his little family. Even himself.
“I got it, Bucky,” Chris answers with a small grin and Buck kisses his head again.
“You sure do.”
“Pizza is here,” Eddie says, for a lack of anything better and Buck flashes a smile at him, this time meeting his eyes.
“I’m just gonna wash up,” he answers quietly, and Eddie follows him as heads to the bathroom.
“Buck, I meant what I said in the text. We really do need to talk.”
Buck stops and turns to look at him, his face unreadable. For a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve and has no poker face whatsoever, this is a huge feat, and it worries Eddie.
“Yeah, I know,” he eventually answers. “After dinner and Chris is in bed.”
“Yeah, yeah, okay.”
Buck just nods and enters the bathroom, closing the door behind himself. Eddie just hopes he won’t walk out the front door later on and not look back.