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Hate.
Kallen has experienced hate before, for Britannia, for the soldiers who’d taken Naoto from her, sometimes, for the world itself, when it denied her freedom. But never has she hated anyone more than she does Suzaku Kururugi.
It is a strange fate, to know that in their constant battle, he was the one to win. That day, when she’d fallen in the dead Guren, only to be rescued by Gino, she’d genuinely thought that she’d beaten him.
But no, she thinks, as she desperately screams at him to stop. No, she thinks, as she watches him dodge the bullets of countless knightmares. He had won. He’d gotten everything. He’d gotten his vengeance on Lelouch. He’d gotten his wish to be a hero. And to do so, he’d killed Lelouch.
Helpless, bound to an execution pole on her Lelouch’s orders, she watches helplessly as Suzaku drives Zero’s ornate sword through Lelouch’s chest. And she feels hate, a burning fierce hate stronger than ever before.
She can see everything so clearly now, all the pieces falling into place. This is all, without a doubt, Lelouch’s plan, his last attempt to mend his mistake and fix their broken world. He’d had no one left to turn to after their betrayal and he’d gone to Suzaku.
Suzaku—whom he’d always, inexplicably treated with such bias.
Suzaku—whom he had called a friend when they’d been at Ashford Academy.
Suzaku—who she could’ve assassinated back then, but whose life Lelouch had saved.
Thinking back, he realizes Lelouch’s voice might have trembled when he’d ordered her to kill Suzaku, before the FLEIJA. If only she had managed. If only she hadn’t ducked and been distracted by that damn missile.
It would’ve been better than this.
The blade goes straight through Lelouch’s white-clad body. He falls against Suzaku and for a few seconds, they just stand there in a parody of an embrace.
If Lelouch tells Suzaku anything in those last moments, Kallen doesn’t hear it. But then, Suzaku brutally pulls the sword out, and Lelouch glides down the ramp, leaving behind a gruesome trail of blood.
Kallen hates and a fierce wish is born in her heart.
If only Suzaku Kururugi had never been born.
****
After Lelouch’s death, the world glides into a state of tentative peace. Britannia becomes a principality and all previous areas are freed.
Kallen returns to her studies and hopes for a new future, but she cannot forget. She pins the photos of the Student Council members on her wall, and she often finds herself looking at them.
Lelouch’s photo faces away from her. Her mother forbade her to pin a photo of the Demon Emperor out in the open, just in case. She allowed Suzaku, though, and Kallen hates that too.
She stares at those two photos often.
It’s so unfair, she thinks, that Suzaku would live and go on to enjoy a peaceful future, while Lelouch had died at his hand. Lelouch may have done many cruel things, but he’d deserved better.
It is these thoughts that bring her one day to the Shinjuku Ghettoes, to the exact same place where she’d first heard Lelouch’s voice.
The area has since been rebuilt and people have come back to repopulate it. Children are playing in the streets again. But Kallen walks past the railway and sees herself running in that old Glasgow, chased by Gottwald’s Sutherland. She hears Lelouch’s voice in her ear, like it was yesterday.
And she remembers what happened later, the appearance of the Lancelot that time and time again thwarted their plans.
“He should’ve never been born,” she says, this time out loud. “He doesn’t deserve to live.”
She is unaware that someone hears her.
****
Zero now acts as Empress Nunnally’s guard, so when Nunnally visits Ashford Academy, he comes along. Kallen wants to have nothing to do with either of them. She liked Nunnally well enough, but she cannot understand how Lelouch’s little sister can even stand to be in the presence of his murderer.
As for Suzaku... When she sees him there, dressed in the clothes of the man she still loves, her hand goes to her knife. She wants to kill him so very badly. But she knows that if she tried, she’d just fail, just like she did during that humiliating episode on the island.
And even assuming she was sneakier about it, she’s heard Lelouch might have given Suzaku some kind of command with his Geass, something that keeps him from dying. The only information they have about it is from the files of the Britannians, so it’s hard to say how much of it is accurate, but it does sound like something Lelouch would do to protect someone he cared about.
Left without another option, she tries to avoid him. She fails.
They run into each other more or less by accident. Suzaku seems to just be... walking around the academy. Reminiscing, perhaps? Enjoying the memories of his time as the Knight of Seven? Perhaps reveling in his success?
“I hate you,” she says before she can stop herself. “You shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t even exist.”
If Suzaku is in any way surprised by her words, the mask hides all emotion. “The world needs Zero,” he says. “As long as that is the case, I will always exist.”
“You’re not him. You’re not Zero.” She tries to stay strong, but her eyes fill with tears anyway. “Lelouch was Zero, and now he’s dead. Because of you. You killed him. You took everything from him. From us. From me.”
Just like she did once, when she was in a jail cell and he, a knight of the empire, she punches him. Unlike then, he doesn’t allow it to continue past the first blow. “Ms. Kozuki, control yourself,” he whispers. “You’re a former Black Knight. You cannot hate Zero, remember?”
Kallen stares at her own reflection in his mask and hates. “I wish you’d never been born, Suzaku Kururugi,” she says.
“What a coincidence,” he replies, his voice muffled by the mask. “So do I.”
“So be it,” a female voice says from behind them. “If that is your wish, it will be fulfilled.”
Kallen and Suzaku have just enough time to turn toward the source of the voice and catch a glimpse of green hair, and then the world goes black.
****
“Kallen! Kallen, can you hear me?”
Kallen cracks her eyes open, a fierce migraine pounding at her skull. “Ugh. What happened?”
As her vision clears, she is greeted by the unexpected sight of the Knight of Twelve, Monica Krushevsky, staring down at her.
Under normal circumstances, she would’ve probably attacked the other woman on the spot. Maybe she would’ve panicked, considering the fact that she knew Monica to be dead at Suzaku’s hands.
But Kallen does none of these things. She meets Monica’s blue eyes, and all of a sudden, an avalanche of alien thoughts and memories flood her mind.
It’s so painful that for a few moments, Kallen loses her mind. At least, that’s what it feels like—millions of incoherent images assaulting her brain like sharp needles, tearing her apart.
She doesn’t know how long it lasts, but when it ends, she finds herself cowering in the corner of the room, covered in scratches, having clawed at herself in her half-mad state. Monica is next to her and appears to have done something to calm her down. “It’s all right,” she says. “The band will keep the worst of it away.”
The band. Right. Kallen reaches for her forehead and as expected, finds warm metal strapped to it. Monica had undoubtedly placed the device on her to make sure she didn’t lose it completely. It’s an invention on Emperor Schneizel, she knows, something he created to put some order into the chaos that happened after the destruction of the world.
It helps, but not as much as Kallen would like. Monica brushes her sweaty hair out of her face, and unconsciously, Kallen leans into the touch. “Breathe,” Monica says, “I’m here.”
“What... What the hell happened?”
“That’s what I’d like to know,” Monica replies. “You’re not the Kallen I slept with last night, that’s for sure.”
Kallen blinks and realizes for the first time that she is, indeed, naked and so is Monica. Maybe this should shock her. It makes no sense that she’d have such an elaborate dream about the Knight of Twelve of all people.
She’d never met Monica in person and they hadn’t even gotten the chance to fight against one another while Monica had been in Charles’s service.
Except... That wasn’t quite true is it? She has other memories, of meeting Monica after Ragnarok, of finding kinship in the other lonely girl who’d lost her family and dedicated her life to her country. Emperor Schneizel had said that, after Ragnarok, it would be easier for people to carry the weight of the world’s thoughts and emotion if people shared it with someone close to them. Kallen had ended up sharing with Monica.
Another memory drifts into Kallen’s mind, this time of Schneizel, as he had been not a month back, a brainwashed puppet serving Suzaku’s commands.
“Brainwashed puppet?” Monica asks. “That seems like quite a story. How did that come about, exactly?”
Up to a point, Kallen is still leery of sharing too much with Monica. She still remembers the Lady Krushevsky who was the knight of Emperor Charles vi Britannia. But she doesn’t have to vocally share much with Monica at all. Monica seems to just... see into Kallen’s thoughts. “You’re broadcasting all over the place,” Monica explains. “You can’t go out like this, not until you calm down, and especially not with this information.”
Kallen has no idea how much Monica has seen, but it’s enough to make her significantly upset and alarmed. “Do you know what could’ve happened?” Kallen asks tiredly. “Is this all a bad dream or what?”
“I doubt either of us is creative enough to imagine such a thing. No, I think this must be the work of Geass. But only Emperor Schneizel can tell us more. I don’t know all the details. I will contact him and ask.”
Kallen is too exhausted to fight Monica on this, so she waits while Monica does exactly what she said she would. She sits on the window seat and looks outside. The view is beautiful and the sky is clear, but there are so few people walking outside.
Three-quarters of the world’s population committed suicide after the event now identified as Ragnarok. Among them had been most of the Britannian imperial family, including Princess Euphemia, Crown Prince Odysseus, and Prince Clovis. But she knows nothing of Lelouch vi Britannia. The information is just... not there.
Her answers come in the form of Prince/Emperor Schneizel. He arrives less than half an hour later, with Kanon Maldini trailing in his wake.
“Captain Kozuki,” he greets her, “Lady Krushevsky tells me you have some important information to show me.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
The words come out awkwardly, but they come out. Kallen feels so lost and confused. She doesn’t know how to deal with these two sets of memories that keep clashing.
“This isn’t right,” she says. “I don’t understand any of this.”
Schneizel nods and offers her his hand. At that moment, there’s something about him that reminds her so much of Lelouch that she automatically takes it.
“Close your eyes. This won’t take long.”
She obeys, but she still feels the moment he enters her mind. It’s uncomfortable, but not as bad as what happened to her earlier. He’s gentle as he scans each memory, and she appreciates that, even if she wishes he’d just hurry up and get it over with already.
When he withdraws, his expression twists into a brief grimace of grief and pain. It vanishes after only a few seconds. “So... My little brother somehow managed to avert Ragnarok,” he says, his voice perfectly level. “Interesting.”
“He clearly didn’t do it here, though,” Monica points out. “What could’ve happened? Why was it different? Why did His Highness die?”
The latter word makes Kallen’s blood freeze in her veins. “Die? Lelouch is dead?”
Schneizel nods. “Lelouch died when he was ten. Like in your... let’s say, world, he was sent to Japan with Nunnally. He was killed there. At the time, we never found out how, although Clovis, Cornelia, and I did try our best.
“It was only after Ragnarok that I managed to learn the answer. You might not be aware of this, but this... power my father inflicted upon us grants us the ability to connect with the dead. I spoke with Lelouch and he explained that Genbu Kururugi had assassinated Nunnally. He attempted to avenge our little sister. As you can imagine, it didn’t end well.”
“But that... That never happened in...”
Kallen never finishes the sentence. She remembers a whispered confession in front of a campfire, the heavy weight of a young man’s grief and guilt. “I killed my own father,” Suzaku had said.
Was that why? Was that why Suzaku had killed Genbu Kururugi? She’d never really asked him about his reasons, because she’d thought that even then, he’d believed it was better to bow down to Britannia. Had it been about Lelouch and Nunnally all along?
Kallen tastes bile in her mouth as she finally understands. “In this world, Kururugi Genbu’s son, Suzaku, didn’t exist. Because I didn’t want him to. And so, Lelouch died.”
“It would appear so, Captain Kozuki. The question is... What do we do to fix it?”
****
They try to come up with a plan, but as expected, it’s not that easy. In the end, Schneizel decides that he has to discuss this with Lelouch.
“Lelouch was the ones who created these little bands, you know,” he explains, pointing at the device that kept Kallen from going insane. “The only thing I did was to physically produce them.”
“That sounds like something he’d do,” Kallen says shakily.
“Indeed,” Schneizel replies.
It’s a simple word, but Kallen hears an accusation in it. He blames her for this. He hates this situation she has created through her selfishness. He wouldn’t have minded living under Geass, if it meant the world didn’t end up like this.
When he leaves, Kallen feels even worse than before. Monica comes to see her and holds her close. They don’t kiss, but her presence alone helps.
“You loved him,” Monica says.
It’s not a question, but Kallen answers anyway. “I did. But he never loved me. Thinking back, it was probably Suzaku he always loved. Him, or that blasted witch of his.” She wonders how C.C. fits in all this. Is she still alive in this scenario? Kallen has no idea.
It takes two days for Schneizel to contact them. When he does, they are summoned to the imperial palace. They go there in the middle of the night, to avoid accidentally running into anyone and having Kallen broadcast her thoughts like she did to Monica.
For the most part, the band is protecting her from that and she’s gotten a little more used to it by now, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Gino is waiting for them when they arrive. There are shadows in his eyes deeper than the ones she ever saw before, even after Lelouch’s death at Suzaku’s hands.
Unlike her, he doesn’t have an anchor, a partner. He has to carry the weight of the world’s thoughts on his own. Anya’s body had given out shortly after Ragnarok, so he is now all alone.
“Emperor Schneizel tells me you come from a reality where none of this happened,” he says without preamble. “What happened to Anya there?”
“She lived on an orange farm with Jeremiah Gottwald,” Kallen replies. “She had some issues and she was recovering.”
“An orange farm,” Gino repeats. “That’s... interesting. Was she happy?”
“I think so, yes.” Maybe happy wasn’t the right word, but she’d been making progress.
“Well, then, that’s another reason to fix things,” Monica offers.
Kallen aches inside at the words. Monica is well aware that in the other world, she is dead, but like Schneizel, she wants to undo Kallen’s mistake. Is it even possible, though? Can they even fix such a massive blunder?
How does one undo Ragnarok itself? It seems impossible.
Honestly, it probably would be—but if there’s something that has remained the same in the two different worlds, it’s that Lelouch can make miracles.
It doesn’t seem like it at first. Honestly, when Kallen first walks past the intimidating doors of the Thought Elevator and sees him, her immediate reaction is a mix of panic, confusion, and disappointment.
Lelouch is... small. As a young man, he was skinny, but tall, and he compensated for his lack of muscle through his larger than life presence and charisma. As a child, he’s just that, a child.
She supposes it makes sense, since he did die at age ten. Even so, it takes her by surprise.
Still, he glares at her with all his might, and in his eyes, Kallen sees the same fire that once started the Black Rebellion. “You killed my sister and my best friend. How could you do this? I trusted you.”
Kallen doesn’t know what she finds more surprising, the extent of his viciousness, or the exact contents of his words. In the end, she decides to ask him about what matters most. “You remember?”
Schneizel answers in Lelouch’s stead. “The memories of the living can be accessed by the dead. Lelouch is very good at it. He simply tapped into your memories.”
Somehow, Kallen knows that’s not exactly accurate, but she doesn’t question Schneizel. “I’m sorry. I was angry, and I didn’t realize the consequences of my actions.”
“It can still be undone,” Lelouch says. “The power of the Geass that created this wish is anchored in you. I can feel it.
“I might not have been able to stop my father in life, but in death, I managed to watch him and seize the power he sought to control. It’s why I managed to help Schneizel with the headbands.
“That being said, while I can return you to your original timeline, I’m not sure it would make a difference. The power I have is limited and it would involve transporting your soul to the exact moment where it belongs, depending on its age at the time. So in other words, I can only send you back two days after you left, by which time you’d have already made the wish, which would, naturally, return you here.”
“But there has to be some way!” Kallen cries. “We can’t just leave things like this.”
“We won’t. There is someone who can fix it.”
Lelouch waves a hand and a glowing sphere manifests out of the ether. It shines like a star, so brightly it’s almost blinding. Lelouch cups it close to his chest, cradling it in an almost desperate embrace. Kallen instantly knows what it is.
“Suzaku.”
Lelouch nods. “In this world, my knight was never born, as per your wish. That means his soul can be transported back in time, to the moment of his birth. Kallen Kozuki, Captain of the Zero Squad, if I entrust you with this soul, will you vow to me that you will guard it and deliver it to its destination?”
Kallen stares at the sphere. The soul belongs to her worst enemy, the man she once hated most in this life. But he is also the man who saved Lelouch, Lelouch’s dear friend and his knight. “Yes,” she says. “I will guard this soul, no matter what.”
“Excellent.”
Lelouch carries the glowing star to her and hands it to Kallen. His eyes burn like fierce amethysts at he looks at her.
“Be advised. You yourself will return to the equivalent of the exact moment you left, but in a different world than you left. Its nature will depend on Suzaku’s actions, but you’ll undoubtedly struggle to adjust.”
Kallen remembers her fight with Suzaku on the Lancelot, the fierceness in his voice as he’d faced her. She didn’t understand it at the time, but she realizes now that Suzaku always did want to do the right thing.
Maybe, in a way, he was always braver than she was. She doesn’t know. But Lelouch entrusted him with the world he earned through his sacrifice, and that means something.
She’d forgotten that in her anger. She has to believe that Lelouch’s judgment was correct and Suzaku will be able to mend all the errors that were made.
“I understand,” she replies. “I’m prepared for that.”
“Of course you are.” Lelouch smiles, and it’s a tired expression that doesn’t fit his young face. “For what it’s worth, Kallen, thank you. And... Be happy. I wanted that too, you know. You were always important to me.”
There’s something in those words that makes Kallen think Lelouch might know even more than what he claims. But she doesn’t get the chance to reply or ask any questions. Lelouch extends his arms and the sky lights up with a bright sigil. Lelouch’s eyes turn from their regular amethyst, into an almost threatening crimson. And then, the world goes black again, and Kallen knows no more.
****
“Kallen! Kallen, wake up! Are you okay?”
Kallen cracks her eyes open, a fierce migraine pounding at her skull. A golden blur fills her vision, and instantly memories flood her mind.
Kallen’s foolish mistake. Monica. Ragnarok. The meeting with Schneizel, and then, Lelouch, as a child, entrusting her with Suzaku’s soul.
As the panic fades, her vision clears, and she manages to identify the golden blur. It’s not Monica Krushevsky. Instead, it’s Milly Ashford. The two of them currently appear to be in the garden of the imperial palace in Pendragon, the one that was originally destroyed by Schneizel with the FLEIJA missile.
It is late evening and through the French doors a few feet away, Kallen can catch a glimpse of a party going on. Milly is dressed in an elegant gown that has less material than Britannia had morals. Kallen frowns and looks down at herself. Her own red gown is a little more discreet, but it still makes her bust stand out.
She never did care about this little feature of Britannian fashion. Not that this matters right now. She rubs her forehead, trying to put her thoughts and memories in order.
“What happened?” Milly asks her, clearly still concerned.
“Sorry,” Kallen automatically replies. “I must’ve tripped.”
“Tripped?” Milly repeats in disbelief. “The graceful heiress of the Stadfelt family, tripping? I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Well, you know, it happens to everyone.”
“Not at a party with Emperor Lelouch, it doesn’t,” Milly says. “Come on, get up. I told you, this is our chance. They say he’s going to pick his next consort today.”
The sound of a familiar, male voice interrupts their conversation. “No, I’m not, Milly. I told you a million times I’m fine with my current situation.”
Kallen instantly freezes. The last time she had an actual conversation with Lelouch... It must’ve been months before his death, before they’d all betrayed him, when he’d been mourning the presumed death of his sister.
He looks so different now—different from Zero, but also from The Demon Emperor. He’s wearing an elaborate black outfit with a cut far more similar to his Zero suit than that of his white, emperor robes. He’s a little more well-built than Kallen remembers, but then again, thinking back, Kallen suspects he might have actually lost weight in the last months of his life.
Milly is oblivious to the crisis Kallen is having, right by her side. “But Lelouch,” she whines, “you can’t disappoint the masses. Think of the people. You’ll break so many hearts!”
“I am thinking of the people. If I tried to get another consort, my empress would kill me, slowly and painfully. Possibly by overfeeding me with pizza.”
C.C. manifests from behind him, her black gown matching Lelouch’s clothes to perfection. Suzaku stands behind her, clad in the familiar outfit of the Knight of Zero. “Don’t be ridiculous, Lelouch,” C.C. says. “If you were to make such an error in judgment, I’d just have Suzaku kidnap you and remove you from the sphere of influence of the unwanted person.”
Lelouch eyes C.C. and Suzaku with some wariness. “You wouldn’t do that to me, would you, Suzaku? Betray me for my empress?”
“On the contrary, Your Majesty,” Suzaku says, grinning. “It wouldn’t be a betrayal if you enjoyed it.”
It’s all a game, Kallen realizes, a comfortable exchange, and one they’ve shared before in front of her and Milly. Because in this life, she and Suzaku aren’t enemies. They fight for the same goal, to change Britannia from within.
He’s the one who notices something isn’t right with her. “Are you okay, Kallen?” he asks, his emerald shining with concern. “You look a little peaky.”
Kallen stares at him and flashes of a life she never lived explode through her mind.
A life when Suzaku Kururugi killed his father, but didn’t hide it from his friend. A life when Lelouch never took on the name Lamperouge, but chose to return to the empire, with Suzaku by his side, as his knight. A life where Clovis never became the governor of Area 11 and where the Shinjuku Massacre never happened, but where Lelouch took the throne at sixteen, and kept the violence in Japan from escalating, ultimately saving Naoto’s life.
The Black Emperor—that’s what they call him now. He is the youngest emperor Britannia has ever had, and the most powerful. Together with his Reaper and his Empress, they are unstoppable. Everybody knows that he assassinated his father to get his throne, but no one has been able to do anything about it.
He’s changing the world again, but not as Zero, or as the Demon Emperor. As Lelouch vi Britannia, the rightful ruler of the largest empire on the planet.
Somewhere in the ballroom in front of them, Monica Krushevsky is alone, taking a sip of her drink. It’s apple juice, because she still considers herself to be on duty, even if this is a party. Soon, Kallen will go to find her.
But first, she needs to speak to her brother. She knows he’s around here somewhere, probably dancing with some twit who thought could seduce the Stadfeldt heir.
“I’m fine,” she tells Suzaku. “I just tripped. I think I’ll go speak to Naoto for a little bit.”
“Of course,” Lelouch replies. “But don’t go far. I wouldn’t want one of my new Rounds to miss the announcement of her own knighting.”
“So that’s the big secret you were keeping?” Milly pouts. “Oh, Lelouch!”
Lelouch is still chuckling at his old friend’s antics when Kallen excuses herself and leaves. In the wake of her departure, Lelouch allows his carefree facade to fall.
“Would you mind giving us a moment?” he asks Milly. “I hate to do this, but I have something important to discuss with C.C. and Suzaku.”
Milly narrows her eyes at him, but doesn’t question him. It’s not just because he’s emperor. She’s always been very perceptive and she can sense something isn’t right. “Of course. But knighting ceremony or not, I want you to remember you still owe me a dance.”
She leaves as well, and Lelouch, C.C. and Suzaku are left alone in the garden. It is only then that Lelouch allows himself to slump against his knight, his knees almost giving out under the weight of the extreme power of Geass.
“That was so reckless of you, C.C.,” he says. “This could have ended so badly.”
C.C. shrugs. “Yes, but it didn’t. Besides, it wasn’t my wish. Or... Not just my wish.”
Lelouch knows that. His knight long ago shared with him the fact that he has memories from a different reality. In the beginning, Lelouch had trouble accepting it, but his trust in Suzaku paid off and the information was one of the reasons why they managed to win the throne with such ease. Well, that and because of C.C.’s help—but the witch already knows that. Saying it would just make her prouder about her rash actions.
He’s grateful toward her, but at the same time, acknowledges how many convoluted threads the world had to go through to reach this point. It’s really a miracle they managed to begin with. So yes, C.C. took a bit chance, not just with the world, but with Suzaku’s soul.
Suzaku seems to guess his thoughts and smiles. “I don’t mind it, Lelouch. You know I don’t. I’m grateful that I could fix things.
“Honestly, how many people can say they get this kind of gift? To live their life over from the beginning and take back all their mistakes. I would’ve gladly sold my soul for this chance if C.C. had asked.”
“Then it’s a good thing I didn’t ask,” C.C. replies, poking him in the side. “You’re such a stupid boy.”
“Not so stupid anymore, I guess.”
Watching their exchange, Lelouch aches inside with a fierce and possessive love. They never used to get along, but that’s changed. And he knows better than to believe that this brave new world he’s been thrown into won’t come with any challenges, but he isn’t worried.
He and Suzaku changed the world once, through their deaths. They can do it again—by living and making a difference. Together, there is nothing he and Suzaku cannot accomplish—and with their witch added to the mix... Suffice to say, the world never stood a chance.