Comment on Puppy Love

  1. inheritanceofgeek on Chapter 1 Sun 10 May 2015 01:49PM UTC

    Not mad at all =)

    Constructive Crit welcome =)

    Care to expand?

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    1. TheMostHappy on Chapter 1 Sun 10 May 2015 02:15PM UTC

      It's easier to read something when its in manageable parts. Big blocks of text can be intimidating and difficult to read. And perhaps start a new line when someone new speaks or thinks. I hope this helps : )

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      1. inheritanceofgeek on Chapter 1 Sun 10 May 2015 02:50PM UTC

        I meant, what sections do you think need that doing to? I'm guessing the chapter explaining Bard's day? Which I was attempting to keep big and blocky to emphasise how much he does in one day and how chaotic it is, but if that hasn't worked then that's good to know, but I thought I had done the new speaker new line thing? Other than for Gandalf's last sentence, I guess?

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        1. TheMostHappy on Chapter 1 Sun 10 May 2015 10:19PM UTC

          You did do the line thing. I understand that you want the flow of events to be continuous in relation to each character but it's just that big blocks are difficult on the eyes

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          1. inheritanceofgeek on Chapter 1 Mon 11 May 2015 12:25AM UTC

            Having reread it in this format I totally see what you mean. I'll keep it in mind for the next chapter =)

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            1. TheMostHappy on Chapter 1 Mon 11 May 2015 12:45AM UTC

              ^.^

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