Work Text:
When Ranpo arrived at the Agency headquarters one gloomy Monday morning to find the office in a state of complete disarray, he did not need to put on his glasses to know that Dazai Osamu was the cause of it.
“Ranpo-san!”
Atsushi came running up to him, multi-colored eyes wide and hands waving around in panicked motions.
Ranpo rolled his eyes in equal parts amusement and exasperation at the effect that a certain bandage-wearing ability user had on this team.
“What has he done now?”
The man-tiger faltered for a moment, looking surprised at the question, before he seemed to remember who he was talking to.
“Ah…right. Dazai-san… Apparently he…”
Atsushi stopped, glancing over his shoulder, before leaning over towards Ranpo and continuing in a low voice: “Apparently, Dazai-san got rejected this morning.”
Ranpo waited patiently – or, okay, maybe not so patiently – for the boy to continue. He knew there was more to this story; after all, Dazai getting rejected was, at the very least, a weekly occurrence.
Atsushi shifted uncomfortably.
“He got rejected twice…within fifteen minutes.”
Ranpo raised his eyebrows, still not seeing the problem.
After throwing another nervous glance towards the office door, Atsushi, his voice barely a whisper now, added: “…both of the women insulted his pick-up lines.”
Ah. Now that made sense.
If there was something that Dazai Osamu prided himself on, next to his supposedly dazzling looks – “Surely even you recognize that, Ranpo-san~!” – it was his self-proclaimed natural talent at using pick-up lines. Ranpo, sadly, knew this better than anyone, because once, he’d had to listen to Dazai for twenty minutes straight while the latter explained to him that “there’s a time and a place for these things, Ranpo-san, and the trick is to know exactly when to use which pick-up line – and on who”, before continuing to list his twenty pick-up lines with the highest success rate, and describing in great detail the situations in which he’d used them.
Ranpo shivered at the memory.
The things he did for candy.
On the bright side, though, having lived through this slightly traumatizing experience meant that now, Ranpo knew exactly what he needed to do.
Atsushi, meanwhile, had stopped his nervous shuffling, and had instead started to ramble: “…and he’s not working, I mean, he never is, but now he’s not working but also sulking, except he stops every other five minutes to tell his story again, and every time it happens, Kunikida-san looks closer to either exploding or throwing Dazai-san out of the window, and – ”
“Breath, Atsushi-kun,” Ranpo interrupted him, before flashing him an encouraging smile. His eyes slid over to the office door, where, indeed, Dazai’s voice could be heard, dramatically exclaiming something about “baristas” and “never again”.
Ranpo’s grin turned just the slightest bit devious as he strode over to the other end of the hallway.
“Don’t worry, I know exactly how to fix this situation.”
It took Ranpo approximately 2.5 seconds to take in the situation inside the office.
Dazai was at his desk, but rather than his usual ‘feet-on-desk, arms-behind-head’ position, he was draped over the surface, face turned downwards and long arms stretched out before him, fingers reaching the other end of the table. His voice was muffled as he continued talking to Kunikida, who was standing in front of Dazai’s desk, arm crossed and shoulders tense, looking – true to Atsushi’s story – ready to do something drastic and possibly life-endangering.
Over at their own desks, the Tanizaki siblings looked equal parts amused and exasperated, while Kenji had hopped over to Kyouka’s space and was trying to explain the situation to the girl, who was staring at Dazai in silent curiosity, a flicker of worry in her blue eyes.
Yosano, meanwhile, was hiding behind her laptop screen in a terrible attempt to hide her snickering.
Usually, Ranpo would gladly join her – dealing with Dazai could be a real hassle, but watching from the sidelines was always amusing. However, if his plan worked out – and it would, his plans always did – then that could make for even more entertainment.
Also, judging by the ever-increasing frown between Kunikida’s eyebrows and the vein bulging on his forehead, Ranpo gave the man maybe thirty seconds before he would explode – which meant he had to act quickly.
Ignoring the other Agency members around him, Ranpo purposefully strode over to Dazai’s desk, slamming his hands down on the surface. Startled, the brown-haired man lifted his head to see what the commotion was about, giving Ranpo a clear view of his face for the first time since he’d entered the office.
The detective blinked.
The pout on Dazai’s face was nothing new – honestly, the man pouted at least three times a day – but his eyes were dull and there was the slightest crease between his eyebrows, and, well…
Quite frankly, he looked as miserable as Ranpo had ever seen him.
Well, damn. This might be more serious than any of them had expected.
Dazai, as usual, regained his composure almost immediately, his brow relaxing and the corners of his mouth turning up, although it didn’t escape Ranpo’s notice that the smile didn’t reach his eyes.
“Ah, Ranpo-san! You’ll never guess what ha– ”
“Dazai-kun,” Ranpo interrupted him, “How about we make a bet?”
Behind him, he heard Kunikida begin to sputter in protest.
Dazai fell silent for a moment, but then the familiar glint in his eyes slowly started to return, and he lifted his head a bit further.
“Oh? What did you have in mind?”
Ranpo grinned widely at him, resting his hands on the desk as he leaned in closer to the younger man, dropping his voice from its cheerful tone in something sharper, more challenging.
“Let’s see who, out of the two of us, can come up with the best pick-up lines.”
Dazai’s smirk became a mirror image of the detective’s as he finally rose from the slump on his desk, holding out his hand in Ranpo’s direction and looking every bit his usual self again.
“Bring it on.”
The thing was, Dazai Osamu could never resist a challenge – especially one from Edogawa Ranpo. And as soon as Ranpo had found out that Dazai was one of the few individuals who not only proved decent competition, but even won some of their bets…
Well, suffice to say that Kunikida’s stress levels had risen significantly since that time.
“So, Ranpo-kun, what exactly do you propose?” Dazai asked, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms behind his head, all traces of his earlier moping vanished.
Ranpo hopped onto his colleagues’ desk and grinned down at him.
“It’s simple,” he started, holding up a finger. “You,” he pointed toward Dazai, “and I,” back to himself, “will try to seduce as many people as we can by using pick-up lines – only pick-up lines,” he added, throwing a look at Dazai, who raised his eyebrows in mock surprise.
“Aaw, but Ranpo-san,” he pouted, eyes glinting in a decidedly less innocent way, “it’s way more fun to just go all out, you know – compliments, holding the door, subtle touches on the shoulder or the hand…”
Over at her desk, Yosano snorted.
“Since when do you know the meaning of “subtle” when it comes to flirting, Dazai-kun?”
Dazai’s hands flew to his heart and he gasped, turning around to face her.
“Why, Yosano-san, are you accusing me of not knowing how to woo the ladies?”
The doctor rolled her eyes, one corner of her mouth curling up.
“Well, if I remember correctly, there was that incident where you ended up in the fountain after trying to hold someone’s hand…”
“And the lady who dumped her coffee all over your new coat because you kissed her on the cheek!” Kenji piqued up enthusiastically.
Kunikida snickered and added: “Don’t forget about the time a girl got so freaked out about his suicide proposal that she actually called out to that policeman on patrol.”
A round of laughter went through the room at that particular memory, and Ranpo noticed that even Atsushi and Kyouka, who hadn’t been there to witness the event, couldn’t suppress a smile.
After glaring around the group with feigned betrayal, Dazai’s gaze landed on his protégée, and he crossed his arms and pouted at the boy.
“Et tu, Atsushi-kun?”
Atsushi, who had been watching the events from a safe distance, slapped a hand over his mouth in an unsuccessful attempt to hide his smile.
“I’m sorry, Dazai-san,” he said, not sounding apologetic at all, and Dazai turned back in his chair with a huff. He met Ranpo’s gaze, and the detective sent him an angelic smile, gesturing around at the others.
“See? Best to stick to pick-up lines, don’t you think?”
Inwardly, however, Ranpo let out a small sigh of relief at the distraction. While he knew more than enough about the topic in theory – popular media made sure of it, and, well, it was downright impossible not to pick up a thing or two from observing Dazai, because for all his ridiculousness, the man did know how to use his charms – Ranpo didn’t exactly…have any practical knowledge when it came to romantic relationships.
Not that he needed it, of course. When you had a brain like his, possessing the right knowledge was at least as valuable as having skills honed by experience.
For a second, Dazai’s eyes lingered on him, his gaze turning into something considering. Studying, almost. It made the back of Ranpo’s neck prickle and left him feeling… exposed.
Ranpo did not like it when other people attempted to see through him, instead of the other way around.
He was just about to open his mouth to say something – anything – when the moment was over, and Dazai’s expression shifted back to his usual, carefree mask.
“Well, be ready to be swept away by my amazing skills, Ranpo-san~!” he said in a sing-song voice, narrowing his eyes just the slightest bit in a silent challenge.
Ranpo hopped of the desk and put his hands on his hips, head cocking to the side and grin turning sharp once more, before proclaiming in the same tone: “We shall see about that, Dazai-kun~!”
After all, Edogawa Ranpo was anything but a loser – and if he went down, he wouldn’t go without a fight.
Except maybe this time, he would.
Because at two o’clock that same day, it was Ranpo who was sulking over at his desk (although with a lot more dignity than Dazai had displayed several hours before, Thank you very much Yosano-san), while his opponent was standing in the middle of the office, boasting loudly about his successes – “Of course, I knew those two women were just exceptions; pick-up lines are my field of expertise, after all~!” – to the simultaneous horror and amusement of their co-workers.
Needless to say, this bet had not gone well.
That morning, Dazai and Ranpo had came to the conclusion that, in order to test their skills against each other, they would need to go out during lunch break, since they couldn’t very well go and throw pick-up lines at their colleagues at the ADA.
(Or, rather, as soon as Dazai mentioned anything of the sort, Kunikida threatened to go over to his apartment and burn his entire supply of bandages if Dazai so much as looked at one of the Agency’s employees.)
Thus, a little before one o’clock, Ranpo and Dazai found themselves at the coffee shop that they both frequently visited, and Ranpo immediately recognized the girl – brunette, early twenties, English major – who was handling the register. She greeted them cheerfully, eyes going over Ranpo quickly, before landing on Dazai and lighting up with interest.
Dazai, however, seemed to be taking his time, studying the menu on the wall behind the counter, and the detective decided that it would probably be wise to take advantage of this. Quickly, he scanned through his collection of pick-up lines – carefully built up during the hours before lunch break, because Ranpo had never before in his life felt the need to throw cheesy sentences at people he’d just met – looking for something that not only had a high success rate, but also wasn’t too much beneath his level, because honestly, who in their right mind would ever use a line as stupid and cliché as –
“Do you have a name as well, or can I just call you mine?”
Ah. Well, of course Dazai would.
The girl’s blush became even deeper as Dazai, while handing over his money, deliberately brushed their fingers together, throwing in a wink for good measure.
As if the message wasn’t clear enough, Ranpo thought irritably, taking out his wallet as well to pay for his own drink. The girl barely looked at him as she took the coins, too busy blushing and glancing up at Dazai from under her eyelashes, while she scribbled what Ranpo presumed was a phone number on one the cups.
Ranpo was about three hundred percent certain that it wasn’t the one meant for his hot chocolate.
To add insult to injury, Dazai, of course, had to show off even more by throwing another terrible pick-up line – “I should call you Google, because you have everything I’m looking for~!” – at the girl who prepared their drinks.
As they left the building three minutes later, Dazai whistling to himself, a smirk on his face and a phone number - accompanied by a little heart - written neatly on his coffee cup, Ranpo had decided this would not do.
He would not lose this fight before it had even started. No, it was time to take matters into his own hands.
Which meant a visit to the local bakery.
Except, that particular idea turned out even worse.
Determined to not make the same mistake twice, Ranpo walked straight to the woman behind the counter – twenty-seven, unmarried, played the piano – and, after ordering his three favorite kinds of muffins, said, as casually as he could: “If you give me your number, I’ll make sure to live up to all your Great Expectations.”
Remembering the words now made him cringe inwardly – seriously, why did people do this to themselves? – but at that moment, Ranpo had figured a literary pick-up line was at least slightly less ridiculous than the crap that Dazai spouted.
The woman – Akiyama, her name tag read – blinked at him for a moment, dark eyes studying his faze, and the prolonged silence made even Ranpo feel uncomfortable. Then the corners of her mouth lifted up in an awkward smile.
“…Would you like to buy anything else, or would that be it, sir?” she asked, breaking the silence, and her gaze on him was almost…pitying.
(And that couldn’t be right – Ranpo was not a person who was pitied by others).
Feeling his cheeks heat up with alarming speed, Ranpo shook his head. The woman gave him one last half-smile, before turning her attention to the next customer in line – Dazai.
Dazai, who had swept her of her feet with his terrible pick-up line - “I was wondering, was your Dad a baker as well? Because you’ve got a nice set of buns…” - and that low, seductive tone of voice.
Dazai, who, upon stepping outside, promptly spotted a third victim to chat up – and succeeded, again –
Ranpo's cheeks flushed at the memory, and he huffed, frustration with both himself and Dazai rising even further as he tuned in to his colleague’s voice again.
“…and so I’ve got three phone numbers now, and look, Atsushi-kun,” Dazai exclaimed, turning towards the desk behind him, where his protégée was seated, “this woman even wrote it on my arm – I think she liked my bandages~”
He paused a moment before his eyes lit up, and Ranpo swore he could hear Kunikida groan in dreadful anticipation, while Atsushi looked more and more like he was seriously regretting having asked Ranpo for help that morning.
“Maybe she would be interested in a double suicide! ...Ah, no worries, Atsushi-kun,” Dazai added hastily, upon seeing the boy’s pained expression, “I’ll make sure to learn you all of my tricks~!”
“I…see,” Atsushi said, brow furrowing even more, before his gaze slid over to where Ranpo was slumped in his chair, and he hesitantly asked: “…And how about Ranpo-san…?”
An awkward silence fell as the other Agency members all tentatively glanced at the detective. For the second time during the conversation, Dazai faltered for just a fraction of a moment, before his usual expression was back in place, and his smirk grew even wider.
“Ah…as it turns out, Atsushi-kun, even our great detective has his flaws!”
Pointedly ignoring Dazai’s comment, as well as the gazes of his other colleagues, Ranpo lifted his head slightly, reached out a hand towards the paper bag on his desk, took out a muffin, and started aggressively munching on his treat.
(At least something good had come out of visiting that bakery.)
Honestly, he did not understand what it was that made Dazai so much better than him – in the eyes of those women, that was. Sure the man was tall, and he had a nice face (because yes, okay, Ranpo could see that he supposed, although he would rather give up candy for an entire week than ever admit it to Dazai), and excellent manners when he wanted to, and the kind of confidence that people seemed to find attractive, and he was tall, damn it – but Ranpo was intelligent, and wasn’t that worth more than everything else combined?
Well, whatever, he thought. It wasn’t like he actually wanted to go out with some random stranger on the street, anyway. Maybe that was what had made the difference in the end – not Ranpo’s incompetence, but the fact that he had simply not been interested in any of the women they’d met. The only reason he’d attempted to try pick-up lines on them, after all, had been in order to proof himself against Dazai, and that must have shown through in his attempts at impressing them.
Attempts which, if he had to be completely honest, might have been a little half-hearted compared to Dazai’s approach.
Ranpo hummed softly to himself, satisfied with this conclusion. As he’d thought, there wasn’t anything wrong with him, after all.
Surely, if he really wanted to seduce someone, he’d be able to wrap them around his little finger in an instant.
That left the problem, however, of how he could prove this to Dazai and the rest of the Agency. For in order to convince the others that he wasn’t a complete failure in the flirting department, Ranpo would have to find someone that he was interested in.
Which sounded a lot easier than it was, considering Ranpo had never seen much value in romance, and therefore didn’t have a clue about what kind of people he liked.
They would need to be intelligent, first and foremost, he mused, while licking the last crumbs of his muffin from his fingers.
And that first requirement was already the biggest obstacle; after all, there were few people who could match him in that respect. Dazai might be able to win some bets against him – and, eww, no, he was never going to think about Dazai in such a context ever again, that was just weird – but he didn’t have Ranpo’s skills when it came to detective work, didn’t have the same passion for mysteries and crime solving.
Come to think of it, the only one who had ever made Ranpo feel actually challenged in a battle of wits had been –
Oh.
Well, that was…interesting.
An idea started to form in the back of his mind, images of dark hair and pale skin and a feeling of comfort that he’d never quite experienced with anyone else before.
Perhaps…
He tried to imagine it – a blush spreading over that white skin, like he’d seen several times before, but this time not caused by anxiety, but rather the effect of something he had said to the other man –
Ranpo’s heart stuttered, and he quickly shook his head, trying to ban the image out of his mind.
Poe was a friend – the first real one he’d ever had, in fact – and Ranpo was not going to ruin this great thing they had just because he felt the need to prove himself against Dazai.
His overactive imagination, however, had different plans, and before he could stop it, he found himself revisiting the bakery, but instead of the woman from earlier, it was Poe behind the counter, who smiled up shyly at Ranpo as he greeted him, and –
Ranpo was abruptly shaken out of his thoughts by the sudden beeping of his cell phone.
Two new messages from: Poe.
For a moment, it felt like his heart stopped, and Ranpo swallowed, feeling strangely guilty and ashamed, like he’d been caught doing something that he wasn’t supposed to do.
Then he cleared his head of all these useless, irrational thoughts, and unlocked his phone.
From: Poe
(14.27) Hello Ranpo-kun, I hope I’m not interrupting your work too much… I wanted to let you know that I have finished that story we were talking about, the one about the madman – thank you for your tips, they were really helpful! The unreliable narrator perspective was a fantastic idea
(14.29) I was wondering if you would like to come over after work to read and discuss it?
Ranpo sat up, suddenly feeling a lot better than he had since lunch break. This was familiar territory; Poe and he had been over to each other’s apartments several times already – at first solely to discuss Poe’s writings, but when they’d realized they enjoyed each other’s company, they’d started hanging out on a more regular basis, expanding their conversations to other topics such as Ranpo’s work, their likes and dislikes, hobbies, the people they knew, their views on the world…
Going over to Poe’s after work might make this day a good one, after all.
To: Poe
(14.31) Hey (￣▽￣)ノ don’t worry, work is boring anyway
(14.31) congratz on finishing the story! i told you it would be better that way!
(14.32) and that depends
From: Poe
(14.34) Slacking off again, Ranpo-kun?
(14.35) …What exactly does this depend on?
To: Poe
(14.35) i wouldn’t dare
(14.35) on whether or not there will be food involved, of course! ( ﾟｏ⌒)
From: Poe
(14.38) … Is this your way of asking me if you can join me for dinner?
To: Poe
(14.39) you know me so well, poe-kun!
From: Poe
(14.39) Subtle as always, Ranpo-kun
To: Poe
(14.40) thank u, i try (*¯︶¯*)
From: Poe
(14.43) Shall I pick you up from work then? Or will you be fine going over to my apartment by yourself?
To: Poe
(14.44) very funny, poe-kun (￣ヘ￣)
From: Poe
(14.45) Thank you, I try
Ranpo blinked at his phone a few times, before the corners of his mouth curled up in amusement. It wasn’t often that someone managed to surprise him like that.
(But he supposed Poe had since long been an exception to many things in his life.)
To: Poe
(14.47) you’re very sharp today, poe-kun
From: Poe
(14.48) …Uh…thank you?
To: Poe
(14.48) ur welcome ( ＾▽＾ )
(14.49) anyways, i should be done @ 5
From: Poe
(14.50) Great, that gives me time to get some groceries before picking you up.
(14.50) Anything in particular you’d like to eat?
To: Poe
(14.52) hmm…surprise me ( ﾟｏ⌒)
(14.53) also don’t forget desert!
(14.53) and snacks!
From: Poe
(14.54) …You can’t see it, but I’m raising my eyebrows at you
(14.55) Although I have to admit that I already had ‘ice cream’ and ‘snacks’ written down on my grocery list
To: Poe
(14.56) yay ＼(＾▽＾)／
From: Poe
(14.58) ...I thought it was impossible for people to surprise you, though…?
Ranpo hesitated for a split second, thumb hovering about the send button. The reply he’d typed out was not something that he would admit to a lot of people, and normally he’d make a joke out of it in order to avoid giving a straight answer, but… this was Poe.
To: Poe
(14.49) …let me correct that
(14.50) not a lot of people can surprise me
Another short hesitation, before he added:
(14.51) only you, poe-kun
“Well, well, what do we have here… Are you blushing, Ranpo-san?”
Ranpo looked up sharply, to see Dazai grinning widely at him, eyes shining in a way that Ranpo did not like one bit.
“Who are you so busy texting, then?”
Suddenly, his eyes widened.
Ranpo definitely had a very, very bad feeling about this.
“Is that your girlfriend, Ranpo-san~?” Dazai asked, smile turning even broader. “So that’s why you weren’t really up to flirting with those other women! You could have told us, you know,” he pouted, “we’re your dear colleagues, after all.”
Ranpo opened his mouth to protest - there were so many things wrong with that statement, including the fact that right now, the word Ranpo would choose to describe Dazai wasn't dear, but rather incredibly nosy and annoying - but at that moment Yosano spoke up from behind him (and when had she even got there? Damn, Ranpo had really been out of it).
“Well, he’s definitely flirting,” she stated dryly, though Ranpo didn't miss the smirk in her voice.
By this point, the whole office was staring at him, and despite himself, Ranpo could feel his cheeks slowly start to heat up. He sent a glare at Yosano, who just grinned at him, looking way too pleased with herself.
Don’t you dare, Ranpo tried to convey with his eyes, but he knew it was a lost cause.
“He is flirting,” she repeated, pausing for dramatic effect and looking around at their colleagues, “with Poe-san.”
(Months later – to the collective exasperation of the ADA employees – Ranpo and Dazai could still be found arguing about who had looked most ridiculous in that moment: Dazai, who had stared at the detective with utter astonishment on his face, his jaw almost dropping; or Ranpo, who, eyes wide and face flushed, has tried to explain that no, he was not flirting with Poe, what are you talking about Yosano-san, they were just texting, and why was she even reading over his shoulder, this was a violation of privacy-)
So…I might have been flirting a little, Ranpo mused, staring at the arms of the clock as they slowly made their way towards the twelve and the five, respectively.
Maybe.
I guess.
He’d been relieved to find that most of his co-workers, after their initial surprise, had merely sent him encouraging grins – he even got a thumbs-up from Kenji – before turning back towards their work, leaving Ranpo in peace. Dazai and Yosano, however, seemed to think that the fact that Ranpo had been flirting (and really, could it even be called that?) was reason enough for them to keep sending him devious grins, sometimes accompanied by teasing remarks, approximately every ten seconds.
Ranpo shuddered to think what would happen when five o'clock came around. Surely, they would have something to say about the fact that "the object of Ranpo's affection", to quote Dazai, had come to pick him up from work like some kind of...
Well, like some kind of lover.
“Ranpo-san,” Yosano’s voice rang through the room, and yes, there it was again, that tone of voice that sounded way too smug for Ranpo’s liking, “I think there’s a visitor for you.”
Ranpo looked up, and, as expected, Poe stood in the doorway.
He stared for a second.
After thinking about the man so often today - and in such a different context as usual - if felt almost strange to have Poe actually standing before him.
Poe looked the same as always, dressed in his black coat and with Karl wrapped around his shoulders. He glanced around nervously, his hands closed just a little too tightly around the grocery store bag he was holding.
Then his eyes met Ranpo’s.
Poe’s whole posture seemed to relax in response; shoulders dropping, fingers unclenching a bit, and then he lifted his head and smiled at Ranpo, warm and real, eyes bright, and…something blossomed in Ranpo’s chest.
Warmth.
Comfort.
…Happiness, he realized.
And it might have been because of his earlier fantasies, or because of the teasing remarks from his colleagues, or probably both, but for the first time, Ranpo really looked at Poe, standing there, smiling at him, looking quite…well, adorable was a word that came to mind, if Ranpo had to be honest, and handsome, and –
Oh.
He blinked, all of his thoughts from this afternoon falling into place, his theory finally making sense.
Poe was smart.
Poe liked solving mysteries, and detective novels, and competing both with and against Ranpo.
Poe…seemed to like hanging out with Ranpo.
And Ranpo liked to be around with Poe.
And in the last couple of months, Poe’s apartment had almost started to feel more like a home to him than his own did.
And…
Yes.
Ranpo definitely wanted to try out some pick-up lines on Poe.
Cracking his brain for a suitable line – it had to be perfect, Poe would need to get it, need to like it – Ranpo pushed himself up from his chair and walked over to his guest.
“Good afternoon, Ranpo-kun,” Poe greeted, smiling again. “I hope I’m not too early…? I mean, I can wait outside for a bit if that’s – ”
“Poe-kun,” Ranpo cut in, sending him his most charming smile, “I have been thinking about you today.”
Poe’s eyes widened, body freezing up slightly. He blinked at Ranpo for a moment, and then a light blushed started to spread over his face.
“You- you have?” he asked, voice slightly higher than usual.
Ranpo nodded, pleased at the reaction – that blush was definitely a good sign – and continued with renewed confidence.
“Yes, I was thinking it would be both a Crime and a Punishment if you don’t let me take you out.”
Absolute silence followed his words.
Poe was staring at him, eyes wider than Ranpo had ever seen them, his entire body frozen in place now.
Then the words seemed to really sink in, and he almost dropped his grocery bag.
Ranpo could feel the gazes of his co-workers on him, but he was only focused on the man in front of him, who had begun to turn an even more interesting shade of red, hands fluttering and eyes darting to meet Ranpo’s for a second before looking away again.
“I…uh…”
(And, wow, making Poe blush indeed felt as good as Ranpo had imagined.)
“So,” Ranpo continued, “why don’t we Middlemarch right out of here and get dinner?”
Poe’s eyes met his, and this time he held his gaze, staring at Ranpo with unveiled wonder.
Then, he started to laugh – hesitantly at first, the corners of his mouth curling up just slightly, but then his small smile grew larger until he was full out laughing.
Ranpo blinked – he had been prepared for a number of reactions, but this had not been one of them.
A slight trickle of doubt started to creep up on him - what if Poe thought the lines were ridiculous, what if Poe though he was ridiculous, or, worse, what if Poe would start to pity him as well - but then Poe spoke up again.
“Ah, I’m sorry, Ranpo-kun,” he said, expression slowly relaxing, eyes soft and filled with warmth as he fixed them on the detective again, “it’s just… I was really not expecting that.”
His gaze shifted away for a moment, and he mumbled, soft enough that only Ranpo could hear: "...You caught me of guard, Ranpo-kun."
Poe's blush intensified, and when he lifted his eyes again to meet Ranpo's gaze, the detective's heart stuttered.
"Ah - I - " he started, speechless for once, but Poe saved him any further embarrassment by continuing: “Plus, well, we already have dinner plans, right?”
Ranpo blinked. Oh. Right.
"Although, I suppose..." Poe went on, clenching his hands around the handles of the bag again, "we could also go to a restaurant or something...I-If you'd prefer that..."
Ranpo stared at the writer.
Poe hated crowded spaces. It wasn't that he never went out - he just came back from grocery shopping, after all - but he definitely preferred the safety of his or Ranpo's apartment over busy places, especially for longer periods of time.
The fact that he was willing to push all of that aside for Ranpo...
The detective had to swallow before speaking, his heart fluttering in his chest.
"Honestly, I really like spending time at your apartment," he said, and was relieved to see the tension leaving Poe's body once more. “So…" he continued, suddenly a bit nervous, despite himself, "how about we do all the things we’d planned, but instead of just hanging out, we think about it as...as a date?"
By this time, Ranpo was about ninety-six percent sure that Poe would say yes, but regardless of how hard he tried to rely on his rational thoughts, his throat still felt just the tinniest bit dryer than usual, and his hands were definitely warmer than normal.
A heartbeat passed, and then Poe smiled at him once more, real and wide and happy, and Ranpo finally, finally understood why people went through all of the trouble of using these horrible pick-up lines.
“I would love that, Ranpo-kun.”
Later, as he was reading Poe’s new story, his head resting on the author’s lap, Poe’s long fingers tangled in his hair, Ranpo would look up and meet Poe’s gaze, and they’d smile at each other, and Ranpo would think that while Dazai might have won the bet, Ranpo had definitely won the game.