Chapter Text
Mina wanted to love Nayeon the way Nayeon loved her. She wanted to give Nayeon the world the way Nayeon gave her one. She wanted to do wonders to Nayeon the way Nayeon did to her. Mina wanted nothing but Nayeon and she chanted it every single time in her head like a prayer. She wanted Nayeon so much until it hurt her, but she didn’t mind.
Mina just wanted Nayeon to be with her.
-
Nayeon was that weird girl Mina never expected to meet. Especially not inside an empty alley, with Nayeon washing her dirty hands with flowing reddened water because of her blood.
Mina might not be the softest girl in the world, but the sight of that much blood from a pretty girl’s hands wasn’t so pleasant to see. She couldn’t help but halt her steps and stared in awe, and a little bit of disgust, at the girl. The last thing she wanted was the girl to see her too, but the girl did, and she gave Mina a bright smile.
It freaked Mina even more.
When Mina turned away, the girl chased after her. It’s not like what you think! Mina heard her saying that. She frowned. What was she thinking, anyway? And why was that so important for the girl?
A strong grip prevented her to walk further and Mina was forced to look back. The girl flashed another bright smile at her and Mina wondered how did one even smile that much. It must’ve been exhausting.
“I’m learning handicraft arts, that’s why,” The girl tried to explain, but Mina still didn’t understand of why she had to do it, “I cut myself accidentally a few times but it happens a lot!”
And?
When Mina raised her eyebrows at the blabbering girl, it seemed like the latter caught her confusion and then continued, “I just don’t want you to misunderstand. It must be weird bumping into someone with bloody hands, right?”
Mina just shrugged. Oh well, she couldn’t care less.
“Hey, why do I feel like I’ve never seen you before?”
Mina frowned deeply. It was actually her who had never seen this girl before. This neighborhood was where she had lived her whole life and this alley was one of the shorter ways to get back to her house. Having someone acting unfamiliar with her around there was like an insult. Mina just had to have that short of a temper.
A hand that was gripping her arm so tight was then being shoved for a handshake.
“My name is Lim Nayeon.”
Mina scoffed at the absurd girl and turned away to just leave.
“Wait!”
But again, the girl wasn’t finished.
Mina was pulled back once more as the girl insisted of knowing her name.
“You’re... Myoui Mina...” She read Mina’s nametag and Mina rolled her eyes, “wait, are you Japanese?”
Mina sighed at that question everyone threw at her after knowing her name. She didn’t answer. She just shrugged and walked away for real that time.
“Are you Japanese?”
Wait.
Mina stopped when she heard that. Did she hear it right? Did the girl speak in Japanese?
“You are, aren’t you, Mina?”
She really did.
Mina turned around with widened eyes. Someone actually spoke Japanese to her. Mina felt her chest tighten in longing as she was instantly reminded of the last time she spoke Japanese. She grasped the strap of her sling bag tightly as she nodded with a small yes in Japanese.
And then Mina ran away.
I guess I’ll see you around, Myoui Mina!
-
Mina always considered someone who spoke Japanese to her as someone special. Maybe because the only one who did so was her late mother. Mina had never spoken in Japanese to anyone else. And she never thought she would. Not until Nayeon, the random bloodied-hands girl, suddenly spoke three sentences in Japanese to her and it bothered her to no end.
It was Nayeon’s fault that Mina ended up hugging herself in the night, crying silently at the memories of her late mother and the reality she had to face for maybe, the rest of her life.
Nayeon. Nayeon. When did Mina start calling her by her name?
It was pretty, though.
-
Mina knew Nayeon was persistent, despite not knowing why. She somehow didn’t feel so surprised seeing Nayeon was waiting for her in the same alley the next day. Mina first noticed her hands and how they weren’t bandaged despite looking like they had been assaulted. The sight disturbed her so much.
But Nayeon’s smile didn’t change. She showed her teeth that time and Mina noticed how... unique the front teeth were. Like a bunny.
Cute.
Mina wanted to smile too.
-
It was always like that.
Hi, Mina! Did you have a good day?
Nayeon would wait for her in the same alley and ask the same thing over and over again. Mina would just answer her with a shrug or nod when she was in the mood. Most times Mina would leave straight away and Nayeon wouldn’t hold her back because apparently, she was there for her handicraft art courses and had to sneak around to greet Mina.
Sometimes things were different. Like when Nayeon tugged Mina’s arm so she would stay and talk longer with her. Mina wanted to refuse not because she didn’t want to be with Nayeon, but because she was confused enough thanks to their five-to-ten-minutes encounters and a longer conversation might mess her head even more, but when Nayeon tried her best to give reasons to Mina in her stuttering Japanese, Mina couldn’t say no.
“I’m still learning, okay?”
Mina spent the rest of their talk correcting or finsihing Nayeon’s sentences because she wasn’t completely fluent. Her struggle to form word by word was obvious too and Mina was trying just as hard to understand her. The moment Mina opened her mouth to speak a word or two, Nayeon would stare at her in awe and Mina wondered what was so special.
“You really sound like a native Japanese.”
Nayeon really couldn’t spare some time from being silly. Mina knew it was a compliment and she actually obeyed what her heart wanted her to do at the moment.
She finally smiled back at Nayeon.
-
“You have huge hands.”
The look Nayeon gave her after Mina said one of her rarest, longest sentences made Mina feel bad that she really didn’t talk much. Mina liked that look on Nayeon’s face every time she talked. It was weird because all Mina did was just talk and nothing heavy. Mina wanted to see more of that look. She liked it.
“Do I?”
Because Mina could never forget their first meeting, it was always the hands that she paid attention the most, after Nayeon’s pretty face. She knew Nayeon’s hands were bigger than hers but she didn’t know how huge they actually were until she saw how those fingers held the tiny wooden skewer when they bought some street food together.
Nayeon then held Mina’s hand and compared it with hers. Mina’s was much smaller and it made Nayeon laugh. Mina liked that too. Mina liked the sound of Nayeon’s laugh. Mina liked seeing how happy Nayeon looked.
So Mina laced their fingers together, and she didn’t want to let go.
-
It all came rushing to her. The realization.
Mina found herself staring blankly to the ceiling while lying on her back at nights, thinking about Nayeon. She found herself writing down Nayeon’s name with a pencil on her notes, only to erase it, and write it again, rinse and repeat. She found herself sulking, even though only on her inside, when Nayeon was busy and only greeted her without talking to her or taking her to somewhere else. She found herself to be all about Nayeon.
Nayeon. Mina smiled. Such a pretty name.
Mornings had never been so exciting for her knowing she would meet Nayeon again. School had never been so boring and torturing for her who kept counting the time to meet Nayeon. Mina figured that she became less grumpy at school when she felt too lazy to throw a curse back to that one slut that insulted her. Mina was reminded of Nayeon and her unending compliments that made her heart feel at peace.
Mina wanted to get rid of those feelings too, but she didn’t want to stop thinking about Nayeon.
She didn’t have to.
She liked thinking about Nayeon. She liked having Nayeon’s pretty smile in her mind. She liked remembering their previous meetings and recalling what they had done together. She liked being with Nayeon and if Nayeon weren’t around, she didn’t want Nayeon to leave her head. She would keep it that way because that was just how much she liked Nayeon.
Mina didn’t want to think too much, but she couldn’t help but being reminded of one thing.
She remembered how her late mother used to take her to the beach when she was younger. Beaches were pretty, especially at nights. Mina would take off her shoes and ran to the water, laughing to the quiet air when she felt her feet getting wet. The further she went, the louder her mother would shout at her to go back. Mina most times wouldn’t listen, as she let herself being splashed by the waves, because she liked how it felt.
And with Nayeon, it felt the same.
Mina felt like her meaningless life had turned a little bit better by the span of a very short time after getting to know Nayeon. It was like a wave. Nayeon suddenly came to her life out of nowhere, and Mina would be lying if she said she was ready for it. Mina never expected anything good anymore in her life after her mother died, and yet Nayeon happened, and everything felt like a wave coming at her all at once.
Mina liked it.
She didn’t want it to die down soon.
-
Mina indeed had her moments sometimes, when everyone in school suddenly stared straight at her, making her the center of attention. It was either when she fought or when she had arguments with those impatient teachers that couldn’t take her harsh words and ended up talking back to her with almost the same bad mannerisms. Mina wouldn’t say she liked it, more like it made her uncomfortable that people could be so curious, and she would say she hated it, when it involved Nayeon.
“Hi, how was school?”
Nayeon came to her school after it ended. For the first time, Nayeon was dressed in her school uniform and it reminded Mina of how dirty hers was. She also saw a glimpse of a luxurious car peeking by the gates which she had never seen before. Mina knew Nayeon was better financially than her, with the way she insisted of paying the food they bought, but she didn’t know it was to that extent of having an awesome car and going to an expensive school.
Mina suddenly had mixed feelings about everything.
“How did you know my school?”
Because Mina never told her, and Nayeon never asked.
“Your uniform, of course.” Nayeon said with a giggle, “I’ve seen a lot of students with the same uniform as yours.”
Right. Mina was that dumb.
“What’s with that face? You don’t like me going here?”
Mina was going to say no, it’s not that but those perverted boys some meters behind them were faster in whistling and throwing unnecessary flirty words at the pretty girl in front of Mina. Nayeon looked flustered and Mina wanted nothing but to punch those jerks in their faces.
Scumbags.
Mina sighed and held Nayeon’s hand, pulling her to walk away from the school.
“No, no, wait! We’ll take my car!”
Nayeon brought a chauffeur with her. He looked polite when he asked where to go, but Mina didn’t miss that stingy stare he gave her. Well, if Mina were him she’d do the same too. She wasn’t unfamiliar with those unfriendly treatments. Mina weren’t born to be respected. She wasn’t even sure what the word meant.
“I guess my school has different schedule than yours. I had a break after the mid exams so I spent most times in the handicraft courses. But now school has started again and I’m not sure if I can attend every class of the courses.”
Mina didn’t look at Nayeon as they headed to wherever Nayeon told her chauffeur to. Mina was annoyed, or more like embarrassed at herself. She was beside Nayeon, sitting so close next to each other on the backseat of that luxurious car, whatever it was, because Mina really had no interest in memorizing cars she could never afford, but for the first time, Mina didn’t like it.
Mina didn’t like being with Nayeon. She wanted to just go home and hide under her thin blanket, pretending the status gap between her and Nayeon wasn’t that obvious. She wanted to reverse the time and back to being clueless at how far she was from Nayeon.
She had never felt so little before.
Things just got worse when Nayeon brought her to a café. An expensive one, of course. Mina could only stare blankly at the prices on the menu. Nayeon kept blabbering of how she liked the café; it had the best cakes, something about red velvet, which Mina didn’t listen. Mina had a short temper, and it made her realize she hadn’t been angry for quite long. It was a bit surprising that Nayeon could also make her angry that easily.
“And then this one--”
“I want to go home.”
Nayeon looked very disappointed when Mina said that. But Mina didn’t care. She, too, was uncomfortable. Mina didn’t want to be there any longer.
“Is this because of me?”
Mina just grasped the strap of her sling bag and walked further away from Nayeon, which was no use because Nayeon wasn’t Nayeon if she weren’t persistent. Mina got out of the café immediately before Nayeon could say a word because she was aware of the deadly quietness and how humiliating it would be for the both of them if they argued there. And it would be strange too, because they spoke in Japanese.
“Mina! Talk to me!”
Nayeon yanked her back with so much force it kind of took Mina off guard at the strength the older girl had. Mina hissed at the pain from Nayeon’s grip because it was so firm until her sling bag fell onto the ground. Nayeon had that deep frown on her face and Mina was sure she had the same on hers.
“Why are you angry?”
Mina looked down and she noticed their shoes. She had to hold back a scoff at how… disgusting hers looked like.
“Did I do something wrong?”
It wasn’t Mina’s fault that Nayeon was usually casual when she went to that handicraft courses thingy that Mina thought Nayeon wasn’t this rich. What worse was probably everyone in her school knew about her friendship with Nayeon because gossip was louder than knowledge there. Mina had had enough of those xenophobic insults because of her name and her awkward Korean and now those envious scumbags would shower her with more insults because they envied her for being friends with someone like Nayeon.
“Mina,” Nayeon’s voice turned softer but Mina wasn’t convinced yet, “I know what you’re thinking.”
Mina sighed and softly, because she was tired, pushed Nayeon’s hand away from her arm.
“This is who I am, okay?” Nayeon held Mina’s hand still, refusing to let go, “I know you’re angry at me because I didn’t say anything and just suddenly appeared out of nowhere like this but it’s because I thought this isn’t important.”
“Why is it not important?”
“Because--”
“You shouldn’t be friends with someone like me.”
Nayeon’s hold became firmer, “That’s exactly the reason why I never said anything.”
Mina wanted to argue but she was too tired. She really had no idea of what was happening. She didn’t want to think being friends with Nayeon as a burden but she couldn’t help it. Nayeon wasn’t someone she could be hanging out with. Nayeon didn’t even belong in her horrible neighborhood either. They were just so far away from each other.
But if that meant she had to stop seeing Nayeon, Mina found herself disagreeing with the option.
“Don’t be upset at me,” Nayeon tried again, scooting closer to Mina, “please. I don’t want you to be upset.”
They weren’t hugging but it was the closest they had ever been to each other. Nayeon had her head down and her long black hair touched Mina’s nose and she could smell the shampoo Nayeon used. Mina could also recognize her scent, along with her perfume. Mina would be lying if she said she didn’t like it. She also didn’t fight herself when she pulled Nayeon closer to her, instead of pushing her away like she wanted to.
“No… I’m not upset.”
Nayeon let out a relieved sigh as she buried her face on Mina’s shoulder, both hands clutching Mina’s uniform shirt so tight until Mina felt like maybe Nayeon also didn’t want her to leave. Maybe Nayeon also wanted to be with her. Maybe Nayeon needed her too, even though Mina wasn’t sure to what extent Nayeon did.
They stayed like that for a while. Mina didn’t count. She didn’t mind.
-
Mina wanted to ask. But she was afraid of the answer.
It had become a daily routine. Nayeon would come to Mina’s school every day and take her to wherever Nayeon wanted to. It was true that the insults Mina got was increasing rapidly each day with Nayeon’s regular visit, but Mina couldn’t care less because at the end of the day, it was her who had Nayeon by her side, not those useless, lousy-mouthed morons.
Nayeon knew about it too. Those insults were sometimes loud. Mina was of course ashamed at first, but she liked how Nayeon held her hand, clung onto her arm, or wrapped her arm around her neck even tighter in front of her schoolmates. It made her feel secure. It made her feel calm despite her super short temper.
Still, Mina couldn’t help but wonder, why did Nayeon care so much for her?
Sometimes Mina would look at Nayeon and ignore everything the girl was blabbering about because Mina wanted to see if she could figure what exactly was inside Nayeon’s mind. She wanted to know why Nayeon did all of those things with her. Mina wasn’t the most entertaining person on earth. She wanted to know why Nayeon could stand being with her for so long without complaining. Without hesitating. Without backing away.
They never talked about their friendship. Mina never asked and Nayeon never brought it up either. They just spent a lot of time together. Mina figured that Nayeon couldn’t manage her anger better than her. Nayeon got upset easily. One time she caught her chauffeur staring unpleasantly at Mina and she snapped at him. She would also frown scarily whenever Mina said no to her. It sometimes left Mina speechless because she wasn’t used to angry Nayeon. It made her realize that Nayeon had exactly the stereotyped attitude of those rich kids did. Spoiled. Arrogant. Stubborn.
Still, it never made Mina like Nayeon less.
As long as Mina could see Nayeon’s pretty smile, everything else didn’t matter. If Nayeon didn’t want her to say no, then Mina would never say so. Mina would do anything Nayeon wanted, if that meant making Nayeon smile happily.
It was good for her heart too.
-
If there were one thing she hated the most in the world, it would be her stepfather.
Mina never took anything he said seriously, because he was just a piece of trash and would never get his shit together in his whole life. He was never good to her, especially after her mother died. They had a blaming game that never came to an end. He treated her even worse after it. He threw insults at her as if she didn’t have a heart, as if he had the rights to do so even though the only one who had raised Mina was her mother, not him. Then again, Mina also didn’t want to be the punching bag. She talked to him the same way, insulted him with the same words, thought lowly of him like he did of her.
It always went both ways.
So Mina didn’t understand why she suddenly felt sad and couldn’t hide it.
Maybe because Nayeon was there when her stepfather appeared from inside the house and lousily shouted at her using inappropriate words that were much, much worse than the ones Mina got in school. Maybe because Nayeon then looked at her with such huge eyes of shock until she got lost at words to throw back at her stepfather. Or maybe because she was angry, ashamed, because that wasn’t something Nayeon should know.
Either way, she felt her chest heavy and her eyes stinging. She wanted to cry. It was ridiculous. Not in front of Nayeon, for God’s sake.
She kept her head down as she sat down on the ground, away from her house. She really looked pitiful and if Nayeon wanted to run away, Mina wouldn’t blame her. She hated this. She hated how everything about her was shameful. She tried to hold back her tears, at least until Nayeon really ran away, because she still wanted to have some pride even though she knew it was already scattered in pieces.
Mina heard Nayeon’s hesitant footsteps approaching her. Nayeon didn’t say anything when she crouched down in front of Mina and cupped the latter’s face in her hands, telling Mina to look at her, which the latter refused because of course she didn’t want to.
“Hey,” Nayeon cooed, but Mina shook her head.
Nayeon then scooted even closer, with her fingers laced to one another on the back of Mina’s neck. Mina wanted to push her away but she knew Nayeon wouldn’t let her.
“I don’t know if this will make you feel better but,” Nayeon whispered, “my dad is like that too.”
Mina stilled.
“My dad treats me the same way too.” Nayeon continued, “He calls me names too. He shouts at me too. He doesn’t appreciate me too.”
Mina looked up at her then.
“It sucks, I know. So it’s okay to cry. You can cry. It’s okay. I’ll be here.”
Mina never cried in front of anyone else, including her mother. She wasn’t a crybaby to begin with. When her mother died, Mina was more angry than sad. She felt weak when she cried, and she didn’t like it. She didn’t want to feel weak. Because Mina was nothing more than a weak girl full of denial in her life.
Nayeon pulled her into a hug that time as she cried her heart out. Everything suddenly hurt. All those words her stepfather shouted at her felt like knives to her chest. She felt so vulnerable and she didn’t know what exactly the cause of that; her stepfather or Nayeon.
It was vague, because she was crying, but Mina felt how Nayeon kissed her forehead tenderly. It made her want to be selfish as she clutched Nayeon tighter for dear life and made her stay the whole time.
Don’t leave me.
-
Another day, another new thing about Nayeon.
Nayeon’s father was a professor in the medical department of one of the most famous universities in Seoul, that Mina could never, ever dreamed of going. Being an only child, her father put all his hope and expectation on Nayeon, who unfortunately, didn’t share the same passion. Mina knew what Nayeon liked. Art. Nayeon liked art, maybe even more than she liked Mina. And Mina guessed that Nayeon’s father didn’t approve of it, hence why Nayeon claimed that her father was like that too.
But Mina felt like she wasn’t entirely right.
“My dad is a scumbag rubbish who always puts on a show in front of people but me.”
Nayeon told her how her father forced her to learn medical studies until she loathed them. Her father was obsessed, Nayeon said, for her to be a professor like him. Mina, who at first thought that maybe Nayeon only wanted her to feel better, started to believe that Nayeon’s father was truly, as bad as her stepfather. Nayeon wasn’t pretending or making up sad stories. She really, really hated her father.
“He made me memorize those parts of human body, what they’re for, what happens when they’re not functioning well, and those useless shit I’ve never wanted to know,”
Definitely. Mina finally believed Nayeon. She definitely hated her father.
And wow, Mina was awed because Nayeon’s Japanese was improving fast seeing how she used those strong insult words. Nayeon was smart. Mina had never doubted it.
“And I’ve made up my mind. I will not enroll to medical department. Never. Certainly never.”
“Does your father agree?”
“Well,” Nayeon crossed her arms with a sigh, “no, but he can’t control me forever. If in the end he still insists on me enrolling to medical department, I’ll screw up and embarrass him in front of the whole university.”
Mina was amused, “So you threatened him.”
Nayeon shrugged, “There’s no other way.”
Mina admitted of feeling better after that. Not every day she heard someone’s story of hating their parents. Not every day she met someone who shared the same hatred toward their parents. Not every day she felt like she wasn’t alone in the world.
“But I feel like you actually understand the subject really well,” Mina said again, turning her head to Nayeon beside her who was busy munching the grilled sausage they bought earlier, “you’re actually capable of enrolling.”
“Mina, every day, literally every single day he makes me study medical thingy. Of course I’m capable. I memorized the human body. I can draw human anatomy from head to toe without cheating, just so you know.”
“Really?”
Nayeon then turned her body slightly to Mina, “Want me to show you?”
Mina hadn’t answered when suddenly Nayeon brought a hand to her abdomen.
“Here’s your small intestine.”
She then moved a little to the right side of Mina’s abdomen.
“And here’s your large intestine.”
She moved up slowly.
“Behind your intestine, there’s a kidney. The other one is right here,”
She moved to the other side.
“Behind the stomach. You still have both kidneys, right?”
Mina just smiled.
“And then,”
Nayeon’s hand started moving again.
“Behind the stomach, there’s spleen… a little in the middle there’s pancreas… and here’s your liver.”
“What is it for?” Mina randomly asked.
“What?”
“Liver. What is it for?”
Nayeon frowned a little but she still answered, “Detoxification, protein synthesis, and production of chemicals needed for digestion processes. Don’t worry. It’s not a waste. It’s useful.”
Mina smiled even wider.
Nayeon’s hand then moved to her neck.
“Your jugular vein,” Her fingers rubbed the visible vein on Mina’s neck slowly, “this is your jugular vein.”
It moved down near Mina’s collarbone.
“Artery,” Nayeon mumbled, “there are dorsal scapular artery, suprascapular artery, and subclavian artery--”
“That tickles,”
Mina caught Nayeon’s hand before it could move around again. Nayeon just giggled as she held Mina’s hand tight, both of them were holding hands.
“You memorized it all.”
“I did.”
“You’re incredible.”
“Still won’t make me enroll to medical department.”
Hand still holding hers, Nayeon turned back facing front as she continued munching her sausage, her mood had obviously gone up. Mina meant it that Nayeon was incredible. She once again proved how smart she was. Though Mina wouldn’t question why, with that brain of hers, Nayeon wanted to do art out of all things. She just could never guess Nayeon’s heart.
Mina was smiling from ear to ear until she felt shy and looked down to their joined hands. She then noticed those fresh scars Nayeon got from her art courses. Her smile faded instantly. Nayeon still wouldn’t listen to her about being careful. Mina really didn’t like those scars in her beautiful hands. Mina wanted Nayeon to stop hurting herself.
She thought of something she could give Nayeon.
-
“What is that?”
Mina tucked her head in shame as she kept both hands behind her back, hiding the thing she had bought for Nayeon. She suddenly wondered where her confidence went. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea in the first place. Nayeon wasn’t someone she could buy things for. Her one branded bag itself probably costed more than Mina’s whole being.
“Mina,” Nayeon asked again, curious, “what is that?”
It was pointless anyway. Mina had already held it in her hands and there was no way she could hide it from Nayeon forever.
So she hesitantly showed it to the girl in front of her, with her head down and her face reddening.
“I bought this for you.”
The stationery store near her house had a lot of things beyond pens and books. Mina was one of their loyal buyers because the store most likely had everything she needed as a student, and also because everything was cheap.
Exactly. Mina bought Nayeon something cheap.
“For me?”
But Nayeon’s tone was far from unpleasant so Mina bravely lifted her head, and she admitted of being taken aback at how Nayeon looked at the poorly wrapped gift.
“Yeah,” Mina puffed a breath, “actually no, you don’t have to take it. I’m sure you already have tons of this at home. I mean not this this, but this kind just the better and more expensive ones so you don’t need to--”
Nayeon grasped the gift from Mina’s hand with a chuckle, “Silly. I haven’t even opened it.”
The look Nayeon had after she had opened the gift was so lovely it made Mina’s heart swell a little. Mina still had the doubts, but Nayeon’s smile after calmed her paranoid mind and maybe, Nayeon genuinely liked what Mina gave her.
“Gloves?” Nayeon held the pair of gray gloves in her hands, “For winter?”
“Well, that too, but,” Mina scratched her nape nervously, “you know you always get hurt whenever you do those… handicraft thingy and I heard you actually need gloves for that activity and you never wear ones so I… I think you’d like…”
The smile got wider, “You don’t like seeing the cuts, do you?”
“I don’t like seeing you get hurt.”
There was a four seconds of silence, Mina counted, before Nayeon suddenly surged forward and gave her cheek a kiss. Mina must’ve looked so dumb because Nayeon laughed at her afterward, but she didn’t regret it because it earned her another kiss on the cheek, with a hand lingered on the other side, holding her tenderly.
Nayeon whispered a thank you to Mina’s ear and it sent shivers down her spine.
The thoughts of fighting whatever feelings blooming in her chest had already long gone and forgotten for Mina.
-
And so it happened.
Mina couldn’t think, couldn’t talk, couldn’t do anything other than being still, trying to comprehend what actually was happening.
It had never once crossed her mind, ever. She surely had seen others done it, some even in public. In her school there were countless, in almost every corner that did in making the urge to vomit appeared every time Mina witnessed it. She couldn’t imagine what was so good in eating each other’s faces. Moreover in places where everyone could see.
And eventually, Mina felt it. Nayeon looked a little bit off before she suddenly dragged Mina to an empty alley and pushed her rather roughly against a house’s wall. Mina was about to ask her what before Nayeon closed the distance between them, landing her warm lips on Mina’s cold ones. It happened, and Mina needed some time to comprehend that they were doing the thing Mina thought was disgusting.
But it felt good. No, it felt very pleasant when Nayeon started moving her lips, albeit hesitantly, and Mina did the same. It was indeed her first time, but even Mina herself didn’t have any idea of how she could reciprocate just fine. Maybe because she had seen it so many times and at least knew how it was done. Or maybe she just mirrored what Nayeon was doing, but either way it felt so damn good, and she was thinking too much.
Because when Nayeon pulled back abruptly, Mina was very much breathless, and she didn’t realize she’d been holding her breath for too long. Nayeon’s cheeks were flushed red and Mina was sure it wasn’t solely because of the cold weather. She, too, felt her face heating up.
“Mina,” Nayeon whispered, just as breathless, “what are we doing?”
The younger just raised her eyebrows at the question. Funny coming from the one who started it.
She understood, though. Nayeon was confused. Mina wasn’t any better but she decided not to think about it too much. They just kissed, Mina liked it, and she wanted to do it again, and again.
Smiling, Mina leaned in and kissed Nayeon again, slower that time. She could taste a little bit of the cappuccino the latter had earlier. With how clumsy they were, Mina thought maybe Nayeon was as just inexperienced as her. Maybe she had never kissed someone else before. Maybe Mina was also her first, just like what she was to Mina.
They didn’t know how long they stood there holding onto each other, lips didn’t stop moving, until they heard someone shouted hey! from afar and both of them hurriedly ran away, hand in hand, with enormous laughs.
It was Mina’s first kiss and Mina liked it.
It was Mina’s first kiss with none other than Nayeon.
-
Again, they never talked about it.
They just kissed. Many times. All the time.
Just like when Nayeon dropped Mina off in her house and her stepfather wasn’t around. Nayeon put her hand on Mina’s cheek and gave her a short kiss, which didn’t satisfy Mina as she pulled Nayeon back to her to kiss her some more.
Or when they ate spaghetti together and Mina wiped the remaining ketchup off of Nayeon’s lips with a kiss, hiding behind the wall in the corner of that packed restaurant. Both of them weren’t sure if they were completely hidden but none could care less.
Or when they eventually couldn’t find a secret place to kiss, Nayeon would tell her chauffeur to leave them alone in the car so they could kiss in the backseat.
They kissed a lot. Much more than Mina thought they should.
She now understood why people liked kissing so much. Why her schoolmates didn’t care of her stingy stares every time she bumped into them grossly making out in school. She even became envious of them, somehow. They could sneak out easily in school to have their moments meanwhile Mina had to be separated from Nayeon in a lot of times.
Maybe that was why as soon as they met each other, all they did was mostly kissing. Maybe Nayeon was also thinking about it all day like what Mina was doing in all of her classes. Nayeon couldn’t be doing it without liking it too, right?
They couldn’t be blamed, though. Mina shrugged as once again, her mind wandered off to how soft Nayeon’s lips were, in that boring history class. They were just teenagers, after all. That was what they were supposed to be feeling, wasn’t it?
-
“Yes, Miss Lim.”
Like usual, the chauffeur gave Nayeon a slight bow before exited the car and walked away from them. Nayeon then sighed and threw herself to Mina, kissing her like there was no tomorrow.
Mina held her gently. Nayeon was still upset. It all started when she couldn’t spend the New Year with Mina because of some family things her father had arranged. And it lasted for the whole January until they could barely see each other. The chauffeur, whom Nayeon depended on, seemed to have taken her father’s side by repeatedly telling her the time she had to go home every time she hung out with Mina.
When Nayeon was upset, there was nothing much that Mina could do. She just said yes to everything Nayeon wanted from her. If Nayeon wanted to eat in a fancy restaurant with her, then they’d go to the said place. If Nayeon wanted Mina to keep her expensive jacket, then Mina would do so. And if Nayeon wanted to put herself on Mina’s lap in the backseat of the car while kissing her, then Mina would let her.
Even though she couldn’t deny that she was mad flustered.
Nayeon didn’t seem to sense that when she pulled back only to tilt her head to the other side and resumed kissing the younger beneath her. Her short uniform skirt wasn’t long enough to cover her thighs and Mina’s hands awkwardly tried to avoid them. Her hesitation increased by the seconds as Mina realized how quiet everything around them was, so the small hums Nayeon made were clear in her ears--
Then suddenly Nayeon’s fingers undid one of Mina’s uniform shirt buttons, and the latter pulled back out of reflex.
It startled Nayeon too.
Both of them stared at each other, breathless and flustered. Nayeon’s face was burning red and Mina was sure hers was nothing different.
“Mina,” Nayeon then started, barely louder than a whisper, “you like me, right?”
Mina froze at the question. You like me, right?
Of course. She did. She liked Nayeon. She truly did.
“I do.” Mina said, stared up at the older, gaze hazy, “I like you.”
“You do?”
“Yeah.” Her answer was rushed, because she didn’t want Nayeon to think she didn’t like her, because obviously, Nayeon was even her favorite person, “I do. I really do. I like you, Nayeon.”
“Then don’t--” Nayeon stopped, fingers fiddled with Mina’s shirt button that did in make the hearts beat even faster, “I like you too, Mina. Let’s just not… hesitate.”
“You-- you like me too,”
The words were so pleasant.
Mina wanted to hear them more.
“Do you really like me too?”
A low chuckle was heard as Nayeon pulled Mina closer and landed a kiss on her forehead, whispering slowly, “You’re so silly, it’s cute. I like you a lot, ever since I met you. I won’t be here with you if I don’t. There’s no one else I like more than you.”
Nayeon probably wanted to say more, but Mina didn’t let her as she kissed her mindlessly after. No one had ever confessed to her before. Mina had never heard of those words before. She didn’t know how great they could make her feel. So that was how it felt when someone she loved felt the same. That was how it felt being loved.
Loved. Mina wasn’t just in love. She was loved, too.
She no longer thought twice when their kiss became more heated than usual. She didn’t hide how she wanted it too by letting Nayeon guide her hands to strip her lover bare, just like what Nayeon did to her. She was nervous, but when Nayeon pulled back and stared at her with those uncertain eyes, Mina’s heart melted.
Nayeon had always been beautiful, but that time was different. She was so mesmerizing that Mina wouldn’t let herself to look away from the beauty. Even when Nayeon was beneath her and it was getting tiring to support herself by one arm, Mina stayed still. And when Nayeon grasped her a little too roughly unconsciously, Mina did nothing and just let her.
Just after she brought Nayeon to her high, her arm gave up and she fell, albeit softly, on top of the older, breaths panting and chest heaving. She buried her face on the crook of Nayeon’s neck, closing her eyes, basking in the moment.
A tear rolled down her cheek then. She knew she was happy. Mina was happy.
Nayeon weakly wrapped her arms around her when she muttered a small thank you. As she listened to Nayeon’s heartbeat, she imagined a beautiful beach with steady waves and pure, white sand. She was deep in the wave by then, swimming far, far away from the land.
It was Mina’s first time and she liked it.
It was Mina’s first time with none other than Nayeon.
****