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Chapter Text

It was originally Hungary's idea, but once Poland heard about it he took it and ran with it. Enough other Nations jumped on board that Austria didn't really have a choice but to accept.

"It'll be fun," Hungary soothed him. "Everyone could use a break from politics, and a chance to relax."

"I suppose," Austria sighed, staring down at the maps for several of his alpine resorts. He shuffled a few of them aside, pulling out one that had several large cabins back in the woods away from the main lodge, yet still accessible. "The rooming assignments read like a logic puzzle."

Hungary smiled, leaning over his shoulder. "What do you mean?"

He sighed again, gesturing at his page of notes. "The list of people who can't under any circumstances share a room is longer than the list of those who can."

Hungary picked up the list, eyebrows raising. "France and England, America and England, Denmark and Sweden, China and Japan, Poland and Russia, South Italy and Spain, South Italy and France, South Italy and Germany..." she sweatdropped slightly. "I see what you mean."

"At least you girls are easy," Austria grumbled softly. "There's four of you, so you can have a room to yourselves."

She looked irrationally pleased. "That is convenient," She patted his arm, sitting down beside him. "I'll help."

It took them hours, but they finally managed to get the rooms arranged so that hopefully no blood would be shed. All that was left was to call everyone and arrange the retreat.

Still, Austria couldn't shake the feeling that it was going to be a long, long week.

Chapter Text

"Woah! This is SO COOL!"

Canada sunk back in his seat, readjusted his headphones, and tried to ignore America acting like an idiot in the seat beside him, nose pressed to the glass like he'd never seen snow before. "They're just mountains," Canada murmured, and as predicted, no one heard him. Truthfully though, his eyes kept sliding out the window too. He'd never been to the Austrian Alps before, though they reminded him a bit of his own Canadian Rockies, all wild and untamed beauty.

"Really, America," France chided from his position in the driver's seat. (England had been barred from driving on account of the fact that he didn't have an EU driver's license, and the last time he'd been allowed to drive he'd nearly taken them straight into the Channel instead of under it.) "Please sit down or you'll attract bears."

Canada smothered a laugh behind his hand as America went white and sunk down into his seat. He wasn't even sure if they had bears of any kind in Austria, but he wasn't about to point that out to America (who probably wouldn't pay attention anyway).

"We're nearly there, anyway," England said from where he had his nose buried in a map. "I think."

Sure enough, within ten minutes they drove past the main lodge of the resort, and up a smaller, less used road toward the remote cabins that Austria had managed to secure. As they pulled up in front of them, Canada couldn't help a soft, impressed whistle. The cabins were both huge, two stories, with a large clear area between them. Other than the road they'd drove up, the clearing was ringed with tall evergreen trees.

Other cars were parked here and there, showing that they weren't the first ones to arrive. The only ones outside at the moment, Poland (looking fabulous as ever in a fluffy green down jacket and matching ski boots) was just unloading a pair of skis from the top of his rented car while Lithuania gathered up their luggage from the trunk.

America lept out of the car nearly before it had stopped, tackling Poland into the snow. "Hiya Poland!"

"Hi," Poland wiggled a bit as Lithuania muffled a laugh. "Like, your knee is kinda in my spleen."

"Whoops, sorry!" America rolled off of him with a grin, giving him a hand up. "I'm just so excited, you know? This is the first time a lot of us have gotten together in one place!"

"Except, like, every UN meeting ever?"

"Those don't count," America waved a hand. "That's work!"

"What about the Olympics?" Lithuania asked, hauling one of Poland's (tastefully matched) bags higher on his shoulder.

"Well okay yeah," America admitted. "But even then, we've usually got our bosses and stuff around. This week it's just us!"

"Yup," Hungary agreed cheerfully, coming out of the nearer cabin to lean on Poland's shoulder. She smiled greeting as France and Canada wandered over, leaving a loudly-complaining England to finish unpacking their car. Hungary consulted the list she was carrying.

"Let's see... Poland, Lithuania, Canada, France, you're all in this cabin. America, you and England are in the other one."

"Great!" America said brightly, ignoring (or possibly not hearing) England's loud groan. "Who're my roomies? All the cool people, right?"

Poland rolled his eyes, and Hungary looked like she wanted to ask who he thought the 'cool people' were. "Japan, Denmark, and North Italy."

Everyone else blinked at the odd juxtaposition those four made, but America grinned. "Sweet, that's great!"

Hungary smiled wryly. "Believe me, Austria and I took forever to work out the rooming arrangements. Poland, Lithuania, Canada, you three are actually rooming together with Greece. France, you're with..." She consulted the list again, and had to swallow a laugh. "Russia, China and Norway. That room was sort of where we stuck everyone left over after the other rooms were decided."

France looked like he wasn't sure whether to be indignant or frightened at the idea of sleeping in the same room as Russia. "And Angleterre?" he asked, perversely hoping for some sort of awkward situation to rival his own.

"England is rooming with Spain, Germany and Switzerland."

"Oh hell," England muttered, and France barked a laugh.

"Switzerland is coming?"

Hungary nodded. "Liechtenstein wanted to come, so of course Switzerland came with her." Her eyes sparkled in amusement. "Of course, since we can't trust all you men to keep your hands in appropriate places," she carefully didn't look at France. "I'll be rooming with Liech myself, along with Belarus and Ukraine."

"Who else is here?" Canada asked, his honest curiosity making sure he was heard.

Hungary spared a smile for him (making him blush a little) and read off the rest of the names on her list. "Us girls are staying over in cabin one, with America's group and England's group. Besides Poland's room and France's room, in this cabin the last group is Finland, Sweden, South Italy, and Austria."

Lithuania did some quick math. "Twenty-four of us, then."

Hungary nodded. "Some others were invited, but they couldn't clear their schedules for a whole week. So yes, twenty-four for now."

America grinned brightly, snatching his bags from England to head for the other cabin. "This is going to be the best vacation ever!"

"I'm not so sure," Canada murmured, but as usual no one heard him.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Canada awoke to the sound of a shrill scream and Lithuania rolling out of bed with a 'thunk'. Canada sat up, blinking fuzzily without his glasses as he watched Lithuania fumble across the room toward the door, swearing under his breath.

Greece hadn't even moved, laying on his bed with a cat draped over his face and another one curled up on his chest. Absently, Canada wondered if he'd been smothered in his sleep, and was just about to go over and check his pulse when he noticed something else.

Poland was no where to be seen.

There was quite a commotion coming from the main room of the cabin, so Canada put on his glasses and got up to pad out to see what was going on.

The two cabins were identical in floor plan, built on two levels. The main room, which consisted of a large sitting area and kitchen, was two stories tall, the high ceiling going all the way to the rafters. A set of wide stairs led up to the loft-like second story, where two of the bedrooms were, and a narrow balcony that overlooked the main room. The third bedroom was on the first floor, behind the kitchen. There were two bathrooms, one downstairs and one upstairs, but only one shower to be shared between the twelve of them.

Canada was staying in one of the bedrooms on the second floor, so he walked over to lean against the balcony railing and look down at the chaos escalating below. He was used to being unnoticed and being able to observe his fellow Nations without comment, so he settled in to observe.

This is what he saw.

Poland stood outside the bathroom, scowling darkly and wrapped up in a fluffy purple bathrobe with his hair dripping onto his shoulders. Lithuania was standing behind him, arms wrapped around Poland's waist, trying to hold him back and speaking rapidly to him in what sounded like (probably) Polish.

Russia was looming over the two, the look on his face rather scary. It was his usual smile, but his eyes had gone dark as he looked down at the two smaller Nations. And he'd just pulled his pipe out of whatever weird pocket dimension he kept it in. Lithuania was looking nervous, though Poland just glared defiantly.

Between the two was Sweden, hands firmly pressed against Poland's shoulder and Russia's chest to keep them from doing anything that might (or might not) be regretted later. Finland was hovering between them too, though Canada didn't really think he was unbiased if the poisonous looks he kept shooting at Russia were any indication. France and China were both standing several steps back, looking like they weren't sure what they were supposed to do to help prevent a brawl from happening in the front room.

Canada was just starting to get worried for Poland's health (and possibly Sweden's if he stayed between them) when the door to the other upstairs bedroom opened and Austria strode out, doing up the last two buttons on his shirt.

"What is the meaning of this?!" he asked sharply, instantly drawing everyone's attention to him. Canada shuffled a couple steps sideways as Austria stood at the top of the stairs with his hands on his hips, surveying the scene going on below like a king from on high. Canada understood with a sudden flash of insight just why Austria had been able to keep a hold of most of the Holy Roman Empire for years and years.

Austria's eyes settled on the two relative non-combatants. "France, what's happened?"

"He totally walked in on me!" Poland spoke up before France could, pointing at Russia and eying the much bigger Nation with a scowl. "In the shower!"

"It was an accident," Russia said pleasantly, though his gaze was still fixed rather predetorally on Poland, who bristled.

Austria sighed, and Canada heard him mutter something under his breath in German as he started down the stairs to sort the mess out.

"What's going on?"

Canada glanced over as South Italy leaned against the railing beside him, looking curiously down at the near-fight below. Canada was momentarily startled, trying to remember when South Italy had ever talked to him before, and the other Nation glanced over at him. "Canada, right?"

"Uh, yeah," Canada squeaked, then cleared his throat, turning back to watch as Austria argued with Poland about bathroom rights. "You're South..."

"Call me Romano," he said, leaning over to peer down at the rather crowded first floor.

"Oh, right," Canada smiled a little nervously. "Apparently Russia walked in on Poland in the shower."

"Slavics," Romano snorted. "They're all retards." He ignored Canada's shocked look. "Then again, so's most of the world."

"Oh," Canada squeaked again, having no idea what to say to that. "Um..."

"..." Romano looked over at him again, then sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Forget it. I want breakfast, but I'm not going to wade through that shit to get it. I'm going back to bed." Waving a hand over his shoulder, he turned to retreat back into his bedroom.

Canada didn't get the chance to tell him that he wasn't shocked at the language. He'd heard much worse during hockey season. He was just shocked that he hadn't been mistaken for America again.