Chapter Text
The glow of the rune was difficult to see in the midmorning light, but this was definitely the right house. Hole. Thorin knocked.
A few moments later the door was opened by a small creature with furred feet, a deep blue waistcoat, and brown, almost auburn hair. Cute. If one was into that sort of thing. So, this is the hobbit, Thorin thought.
“Oh, I…erm…I wasn’t expecting you to be this early,” the hobbit said, adjusting his clothes and running a hand through his hair. He gave Thorin a nervous smile.
Thorin inclined his head.
“You’re…” the hobbit started, looking Thorin up and down. Small creases of confusion marred his face.
“I’m what?” Thorin asked. He might have put a bit of menace in his tone. Well, a bit more than usual.
“…not what I expected,” the hobbit finished in a murmur. “Not…not that it’s a bad thing, mind you!” the burglar said hurriedly.
Thorin could hear the unspoken “I hadn’t thought you’d be a dwarf” as well as if the hobbit had shouted it. The hobbit fidgeted under Thorin’s glare.
“Come in, come in, where are my manners,” the hobbit said after the silence had drawn on too long, motioning for Thorin to enter.
Thorin surveyed the hobbit hole as he took off his cloak. Though both hobbits and dwarves lived underground, they had vastly different ways of going about it. There was more wood and soil here than metal and stone, but the fact that he was underground comforted Thorin nevertheless. He gave the hobbit his cloak, but did not surrender any of his weapons. Not with that unspoken dwarf comment hanging in the air.
The hobbit was still staring at him. His eyes hadn't left Thorin since he had opened the door, and Thorin’s cloak was still in his hands. When Thorin looked at him, the hobbit blushed. He seemed to remember that he was still holding Thorin’s cloak, so he hung it up on a peg.
Thorin circled the hobbit, giving him an inspection of his own. He did not seem to be a warrior at all. He didn’t look much like a burglar, either. He looked more like a grocer, to be honest. He didn’t look like he had lived a hard life of thievery, but rather what passed for luxury here. Either he was a very good burglar to acquire all of the wealth that his dwelling spoke of, or he was a rich dilettante looking for a bit of adventure.
“Tell me, little hobbit,” Thorin said, a sneer in his voice as he started to circle the hobbit, “Have you done much fighting? Axe or sword? What’s your weapon of choice?”
The hobbit looked at him blankly as if he could not fathom what on earth fighting had to do with anything, and Thorin scoffed internally.
“Well, I do have some skill in conkers if you must know, but I fail to see why that’s…relevant,” the hobbit said, a confused frown on his face.
“Thought as much,” Thorin said. There was a period of silence as the two stared at each other. The hobbit was the first to look down, blushing to the tips of his ears. Thorin had a royal’s training in staring people down, along with his natural talent.
“Umm, would you like something to eat? I just sat down to second breakfast when you knocked…” the hobbit said. Thorin gave the hobbit a curt nod and allowed himself to be led into the kitchen.
There was a plate of ham and eggs set out. Thorin sat down and tried to not eat too ravenously. He hadn’t had breakfast yet in his hurry to arrive, but apparently it was the hobbit’s second?
The hobbit had seated himself beside Thorin and was watching Thorin eat.
“Have you never seen a dwarf before?” Thorin asked. To his satisfaction, the hobbit jumped a bit.
“It’s not that,” the hobbit said. “It’s just…you’re very handsome. More handsome that I had dared to hope.”
Thorin paused in his chewing. What, did the hobbit pass the time imagining how handsome all of his prospective employers were? Thorin gave the hobbit a sideways look. He knew that he was attractive, but he had been told that his scowl did wonders for mitigating that.
“I know,” Thorin said, and resumed eating.
The hobbit laughed at that. “And not a bit modest!” he said, his eyes crinkling. Thorin found himself mentally reevaluating if he was into cute things.
“Did you find your way easy enough?” the hobbit asked, slipping back into small talk.
“I lost my way. Twice,” Thorin grunted.
“Oh my. Well, Hobbiton is bit of a maze until you get you used to it, I suppose,” he said.
Thorin grunted in response.
“Well, the weather sure is nice today,” the hobbit said, emphasizing his words with a slap on his thigh. He sounded a little desperate for conversation, so Thorin favored him by responding in actual words.
“Aye. I hope the weather will hold on the journey.”
By now he had finished his breakfast and pushed the plate away. The little hobbit swooped in to clear it, seemingly grateful for something to do. Thorin took out his pipe and watched the hobbit bustle and fuss about in the kitchen, his eyes taking in things he hadn’t been looking for previously. Such as the way his trousers clung to him nicely and how he pushed his hair behind his strangely shaped ears. If the hobbit was offering, Thorin didn’t think he’d be refusing. There was the worry that it might make things awkward on the journey to Erebor, but it could also make it infinitely more pleasant. There was no proscription against dwarves taking comfort from each other— or hobbits, Thorin supposed—on long journeys, but if this were to happen Thorin would need to make it abundantly clear that it was just sex.
The hobbit had come back from washing and putting up the dishes and sat down next to Thorin again, looking at Thorin as if he expected him to do something.
“Master Hobbit—”
“You can just call me Bilbo,” the hobbit said.
“Bilbo,” Thorin amended. “Would you—”
“Yes!” Bilbo exclaimed breathlessly, and kissed Thorin. The words “join my company” died on Thorin’s lips.
“I did not know that hobbits were such forward creatures,” Thorin said when they broke away, a slightly dazed expression on his face.
Bilbo laughed, then climbed onto Thorin’s lap and gave him another searing kiss. Thorin’s hands roamed up and down Bilbo’s back, stopping to cup his bottom. Thorin detached from Bilbo’s lips to explore the intriguing shape of his ear while Bilbo nipped and sucked at his jawline.
“Let’s go to the bedroom,” Bilbo whispered in Thorin’s ear. Incredibly forward hobbit! He had been here for what, all of five minutes?
“Are you sure?” Thorin asked.
“Of course I’m sure! Why else would I have invited you here?”
“What about the others?”
“What others?” Bilbo said with a smile. He held Thorin motionless by the lapels of his coat and pressed a kiss to his nose. “It’s only the two of us now. No one is going to know.”
“I’m sure they’ll figure it out,” Thorin said, but he leaned towards Bilbo.
“They might have suspicions, but I’m certainly not going to tell them.”
Thorin was about to say that it would be pretty obvious who was sleeping with who in a tiny camp on the road, but Bilbo kissed him again. Only this time it was coupled with a hand sneaking down Thorin’s breeches.
“If you insist,” Thorin murmured, kissing Bilbo back and cupping Bilbo’s head with one hand.
“Oh, I do insist.”
It was quite a while before they actually made it to Bilbo’s bedroom, but Bilbo didn’t seem to mind the intermissions of passionate kissing and groping. Their clothing was discarded in a haphazard, piecemeal fashion. Thorin hoped that there would be plenty of time to find his clothes and get dressed before the others arrived.
Thorin pressed Bilbo into the bed, lavishing attention on his neck. Bilbo wrapped his legs around Thorin and tried to press Thorin closer.
“Patience, little one! I need to prepare you.”
“No you don’t,” Bilbo said. He took Thorin’s hand and pressed it into himself. Thorin was surprised to find him already slicked and ready. He looked up at Bilbo.
“I knew you were coming, so I didn’t see why we should waste any time…”
“You invited me here for the express purpose of seducing me,” Thorin said, realization dawning.
“Of course. I thought I had made that obvious! Poor thing, did you not get the hint?” Bilbo asked, amused.
Thorin bristled. Gandalf had certainly never communicated this burglar’s…intentions to Thorin. They would have words once he got here. No doubt Gandalf thought it would be terribly amusing for Thorin to show up unaware. Maybe he thought it would have been a nice surprise. Thorin wasn’t fond of surprises, even if they were nice and soft and cute and waiting rather impatiently to be fucked. He would rather Gandalf had prepared him for over amorous hobbits.
“Come on, I’m ready. Don’t make me wait all day,” Bilbo said.
Thorin made his decision. He hiked one of Bilbo’s legs over his shoulder, pressing a kiss to his ankle. “So impatient,” he muttered, slicking himself up.
In the face of Bilbo’s eagerness, Thorin wanted to take his time teasing, but it had been a long time. He pressed two fingers into Bilbo, and Bilbo made a soft sound of pleasure and shifted his hips.
“Very nice, but not quite what I want,” Bilbo said, trying to drive Thorin’s fingers in deeper.
Thorin raised his eyebrows. “I was merely making sure that you are ready. You’re very small.”
“And you’re awfully thick,” Bilbo noted with approval.
Thorin removed his fingers and slid into Bilbo slowly, still fearful of hurting him—he was just so tiny. Bilbo made an appreciative noise and rocked his hips.
Thorin leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Bilbo’s forehead. “If you do not stop that, little hobbit, I’m afraid that this will be much quicker than you would like,” Thorin said, moving to nibble at Bilbo’s ears.
Bilbo’s answer was to move so that Thorin was deeper within him. “We’ve got all day, don’t we?” Thorin started moving in earnest, and Bilbo let out a long moan. “Perhaps tomorrow?” he added hopefully.
“No. Not tomorrow,” Thorin said.
“Well then. We’re just going to have to make today count, aren’t we?”
Thorin replied with a particularly hard thrust and all intelligent conversation stopped. Thorin couldn’t remember the last time he had sex, and he didn’t think he had ever had such an eager partner. Or such a strange one. Bilbo’s body was soft and smooth, speaking of little work and lots of food. What little hair he had mostly congregated on his feet and on his head. He was lacking facial hair entirely. It made him seem rather juvenile in Thorin’s eyes, so used to seeing only dwarves and occasionally men.
All too soon, their desires culminated and Thorin lay on his back beside Bilbo, sweaty and more relaxed that he had been in a long time. Bilbo threw a leg over Thorin and snuggled into him. Thorin put his arm under Bilbo’s neck and his hand landed on Bilbo’s shoulder. Bilbo was very warm and Thorin was already hot and sweaty, but he was so drowsy that it didn’t matter, and he soon fell asleep.