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1
Steve was a bundle of nerves. He’d never back down from a fight, and would never lie to anyone if he could ever help it. He could take what people on the streets threw at him even if it meant getting a little roughed up. But this was different. This was Bucky. He’d known Bucky for years; they’d been inseparable ever since Bucky had swooped into a back alley in which Steve was about to get punched.
To the whole world Bucky was his best and only friend. If only that was really the case Steve may not have to go through with this. Bucky was leaving the next day, it might be the last time Steve would ever see him. The idea of telling Bucky his true feelings terrified him, telling Bucky that it was him that filled his every fantasy, him that brought the joy to his life only a woman was supposed to bring.
But he had to because if Bucky never came back, Steve would never forgive himself for not coming clean with his only friend.
“I have something I need to tell you,” Steve murmured quietly, half of him probably would have rejoiced if Bucky hadn’t heard.
“What is it Steve, you’ve seemed more nervous than a deer on a hunting range tonight?” Bucky was suddenly extremely close, inhaling the air that Steve was exhaling, his face full of concern.
“I… I was never sure how to tell you, Buck… but it kind of feels like I have to now.”
“You don’t gotta do anything you don’t want to,” Bucky smiled slightly and Steve took courage from the warmth on his shoulder from Bucky’s hand.
“I love you, Bucky,” Steve paused, “and not as a friend. I don’t think I’m ever going to want to go out with any of the girls you offer, I don’t think I’ll ever want to go out with any girl.”
Steve stared resolutely at the floor, not daring to meet Bucky’s eye. He tried not to flinch as he heard the sharp intake of breath.
“That’s…” Bucky stuttered, caught off guard, “that’s a damn shame Steve.”
Steve had never backed down from a fight before, but he’d never had to be in one with his best friend. He started to turn to go but suddenly there was a feather light touch cupping the outside of his cheek.
“Let me finish,” Bucky whispered, “it’s a damn shame you took so long to tell me. So I could have tried this earlier.”
Before Steve could ask what he meant, Bucky’s lips pressed onto his own. The whole of the world seemed to fade away into the background as the connection of lips on lips became all that Steve was aware of.
2
Steve hadn’t wanted to tell her, his relationship with Bucky was dangerous as it was without letting others know he liked men the same way the rest of his regiment liked women. Peggy Carter was smart and beautiful, if Steve had liked women he would have loved her, there was no doubt in his mind.
But it was because of this respect he had for her that he couldn’t continue to feign interest. He couldn’t use Peggy to keep up his appearances, not without at least being honest with her.
He cornered her after a mission debriefing. He hadn’t told Bucky what he was doing as he knew Bucky would want to talk him out of it, or worse, come with him and end up in a worse position than Steve if it all went south.
“Peggy, you must know I really admire you as a person,” Steve began, “but I don’t want you to get the wrong impression. I feel like I’ve been leading you on.”
The room temperature seemed to increase with every second Steve was talking, he wished the serum had made him better at steering awkward conversations rather than losing the ability to get drunk.
“Is there someone else? Have you got a lady back home, Steve?” Peggy didn’t seem angry, or even that upset, she just gave him an encouraging smile.
“Peggy, I really like you and, even though we haven’t known each other that long, I really do trust you. I wouldn’t say this if I didn’t. See, I don’t like women. I like men, Peggy. I really hope this won’t completely destroy our friendship.”
“Oh,” Peggy blinked a couple of times; she seemed genuinely taken aback but she didn’t look horrified and she wasn’t immediately running away, so that gave Steve hope. “I won’t tell anyone, Steve. But you need to be careful, ok, not everyone is going to take the news that Captain America is a homosexual as well as I can.”
Steve nodded, shifting his feet awkwardly, before quickly murmuring his thanks. It was only once he had made it to the door that Peggy called out to him, “it’s Bucky, isn’t it?”
Steve nodded stiffly, and whispered his thanks once more before slipping away. Even though Peggy’s reaction had been better than he could have hoped for his heart was still pumping through his oversized body in a way that would have led to an asthma attack a few months ago.
Bucky was dead a week later and Steve not long after that. Peggy kept her word; even as the world grew more tolerant she never revealed what Steve had told. The world continued to see Steve and Peggy as a classic example of tragic romance.
3
Unlike the first two times, the third time Steve came out to someone was not born of necessity or prior planning. It was Tony’s fault.
Ordinarily Steve would stay as far away from any of Tony’s evening plans as possible, he wouldn’t take part in any of the scientist’s schemes and he certainly would not treat his problems with alcohol.
Natasha and Clint were currently deep undercover, Steve had no idea where. Pepper has gone on a business trip, Thor was in Asgard and Bruce was in saving lives near the equator. This left Tony, who had revealed his latest invention to further his mission to ‘get Capsicle to finally melt’. He’d created a substance that would allow Steve to get drunk.
Steve was responsible, the paragon of American virtues… but today would have been Bucky’s birthday and Steve didn’t feel like being virtuous tonight. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to be conscious.
“Pick your poison, Cap,” Tony said, gleefully gesturing to the array of bottles stretched out along the kitchen counter. Upon noticing Steve’s hesitance he sighed in an exaggerated manner before grabbing a bottle of vodka and pouring a generous amount into a glass. “Here, Sister Rogers, before you give yourself an aneurism trying to pick,” Tony slided the drink along to Steve who was seriously having second thoughts but he knew he would never here the end of it if he backed out now. Steve chugged back the drink, relishing the burn of the high alcohol content without even tasting it.
Tony raised his eyebrows but refilled the glass that Steve handed back to him, “Oh I thought you’d be the give-me-one-drink-I’ll-nurse-it-all-night kind of guy, but no, Captain America is training for the big leagues.”
Tony drank with him this time, both of them drinking way too fast to not end up on the floor by the end of the night. Steve wasn’t sure when it became a competition but soon they were both throwing back whatever it was Tony was pouring, seeing who could drain their glass first before reaching for a different coloured bottle.
Unsurprisingly, they were both spectacularly drunk before their first hour together was up. They made an unspoken agreement to go a little slower once Tony’s speech started to slur and Steve became slightly unsteady on his feet.
Tony grabbed a bottle of whiskey and two glasses, setting it on the coffee table as they each sank into one end of the sofa. “I was always jealous of you, you know that?” Tony began, Steve suddenly realised he’d set himself up for an evening of drunken confessions, unfortunately by this time he was no longer sober enough to duck out, or even want to.
“When I was a kid, it was always ‘Captain America did this’ and ‘I remember when Captain America did that’. When I finally met you I wanted to hate you so much. Damn your morals, Steve. Why do you always have to be the good guy?” Tony slurred, not looking angry so much as reflective.
“I’m not perfect Tony,” Steve whispered to start with but his voice only became more bitter, “I wish to God everyone would stop treating me like I’m perfect.”
“But you are. All I ever wanted to be was nothing like my father, he was a womaniser, he used his genius for profit and he ignored me. I resented him for all his affairs, all the times that his inventions got used to hurt others and who did I become? I was the Merchant of Death, I’ve slept with more women than you’ve had hot dinners. I became so much alike him I can’t even be angry at him anymore. And here you are, the person he idolised come to haunt me just as I was trying to do better. Have you ever even slept with someone? Have you ever even thought about breaking the law? Does Captain America have secrets and regrets?” Tony was drunk, he would never have ranted like that if he wasn’t. Contrary to popular belief Tony Stark could stick to some boundaries. The rational part of Steve would have known this and ignored it; unfortunately the rational part of Steve was around at that point in time.
“I ain’t no virgin, Stark! I’m not the man your father thought I was, just as much as you are not like Howard. I have broken the law, many times. I have had sex, many times, just because it may not fit your definition of womanising because it weren’t no woman doesn’t mean it counts any less. We had to be a secret because there was no other way. And I have regrets to. I loved him!” Steve suddenly went quiet, Tony only barely caught what he said, “and I couldn’t save him. God damn me, I couldn’t save him.”
The atmosphere in the room dropped, the night which had gone from humorous and light, to angry and bitter had gained an element of tragedy. Steve hadn’t cried about Bucky for months, he hadn’t had time since the Avengers, had had to quash his feelings in order to be a better asset to his team. But now the memory of his lover filled his mind and seemed to pull his heart into the floor. Steve had a whole new team, he had the Avengers and SHIELD all behind him. Yet when he thought of Bucky he felt hollow, like someone had taken all the joy out of his life and only left him with shadows.
Steve felt an arm curl around his shoulders, he twitched slightly but was too tired, too drunk and too emotional to try to push it off. “I didn’t know,” Tony murmured, pouring another helping of whiskey into Steve’s glass. An admission of ignorance was about as close as Tony ever got to an apology.
“You know,” Tony said after a pause, “there are other people out there. I get what you had with your secret boy toy was special and all but that doesn’t have to mean the rest of your life is celibate. I mean, you’re Captain America, it’s not like you’d have a hard time finding someone who’d want to bump uglies with you.”
Steve knew Tony was only trying to help, he wasn’t the best at offering comfort and really Steve should have picked a more compassionate drinking buddy if he’d wanted to have this conversation. “You don’t get it,” Steve’s voice only cracked once, an achievement, “Bucky was the only one who saw me as something other than Captain America. He was with me before I got the serum. I’m never going to be able to have that again. Nobody is ever going to see me as just Steve.”
Tony knew that feeling, in all his years of womanising he’d never found anyone who actually wanted to have a conversation with him. It was only Pepper that bucked that trend, only Pepper who he loved and was loved in return. “Come on soldier,” he said, staggering to his feet, “I’ll let you have the rest of the bottle, it’s a good one, just don’t complain to me about your head in the morning.”
Steve downed the rest of the bottle before passing out on the couch. When he woke up he noticed someone had laid a blanket over him and put a pillow under his head. None of the team were due back until later that week.
4
The return of Bucky Barnes as the Winter Soldier was a huge cause of heartache for Steve, he spent hours trying to find Bucky once SHIELD had been brought down, he would go days without sleep and barely spent any time with the friends he’d made in the twenty-first century. It had been years since Steve had been this happy.
Part of Steve hated how happy the return of his lover had made him. How could he be happy when the person he loved the most was in this much pain? But Steve was never the type to give up or despair, Bucky was alive, the rest he could deal with. He would wake up every night to help Bucky through his nightmares and would deal with whatever else the brainwashing threw at him, if it meant he could have Bucky back.
Weeks soon blended into months, the Avengers tried to be supportive of Steve’s trying to rehabilitate Bucky but he couldn’t expect them to be there all the time. Tony was especially supportive in his own way. He’d get Jarvis to sense when Bucky woke up in the night so that the coffee machine would start. He made sure that Steve and Bucky’s room was always empty of anything Bucky could use to harm himself, or someone else, in one of his trances. He helped fix up Bucky’s arm so it was lighter and wouldn’t be a constant reminder of Hydra.
Through it all he didn’t mock Steve’s determination once; he never told Steve to lower his expectations, never told him to take some time off and he never told Steve that it was a waste of time. The Avengers had all been supportive and all meant well but all had, at least at one point, tried to talk Steve down from his desperate mission. Only Tony seemed to understand that Steve couldn’t give up, he couldn’t rest while Bucky was hurting.
Only Tony knew the truth.
It was about seven months after Steve had brought down SHIELD when Bucky said it. Steve barely caught the words, “I remember kissing you.”
His whole body froze as he turned towards Bucky. “I mean,” Bucky continued, “I’d actually started remembering a few weeks ago, but I wasn’t sure if it was real… still not sure actually. I didn’t want… I wasn’t sure what it meant… like you might have been kissing me for any reason. Except last night, I remembered you saying… saying that you loved me. Did you really mean it, Steve?”
It was probably the longest time Bucky had spoken since Steve had taken him to Stark Tower. Tears welled up in Steve’s eyes as he laid a hand gently against Bucky’s cheek, “I meant it, Bucky. I loved you then, and I love you now. I’ll always love you.”
“But I’m not Bucky anymore.”
“I know that, I know that you’ve changed. But despite everything that’s happened these past few months; I love you now more than ever. I couldn’t help falling for you all over again. You mean the world to me,” Steve caressed Bucky’s cheek, smoothing back some of his wayward hair.
Their first kiss in the twenty-first century was almost exactly alike to their first kiss in the forties. Bucky’s lips gently pressing on Steve’s, creating a single link between them that became Steve’s whole world. They didn’t go any further than kissing; Steve didn’t think it would be right until he was sure that Bucky was making the choice himself rather than through confused memories.
That didn’t stop them kissing a lot.
Steve realised that he could hardly keep silent about his sexuality for much longer. He lived with two extremely skilled spies among others, and now that he was rekindling his relationship with Bucky he knew it wouldn’t be long before they found out. He’d rather they hear it from him personally.
All the Avengers, along with Pepper and Jane, had piled into the rec room for their weekly movie night. This was something which they all pretended to hate but secretly loved, especially Tony who was always more cheerful on Thursdays. Bucky usually joined them but had a check-up with SHIELD to see how he was doing. Steve had offered to go with him but Bucky was trying to do more things on his own, rather than using Steve as a literal and figurative barrier between himself and the world.
Once they were all settled Steve decided that now was as good a time as any, “There’s something I want to tell you all.”
The group all turned towards him, their expressions a spectrum from encouraging to curious. “When I grew up I’d never really imagined telling anyone this, but times are a lot different now and I feel you ought to know because… because I don’t want you to find out in any other way than my saying so.” Steve looked up awkwardly, not sure how to proceed, he knew he couldn’t be arrested anymore for sharing this news but even so, his friends’ acceptance meant a lot to him.
Pepper gave him an encouraging smile and Tony smirked but not unkindly. His team, his family, they were all there for him, they all had his back and he could trust them with his life, he knew that. “I’m gay,” he said quickly before he could change his mind, taking advantage of the easier to say terminology the future had brought.
“Congratulations, Cap. First you come out of the ice and now you’ve come out of the closet. Almost like you’re a superhero or something,” Tony’s smile was genuine and Steve couldn’t help but smile back despite the dig.
The team all murmured words of encouragement before starting the movie. Steve was baffled at how nobody seemed to mind. He hadn’t expected them to be furious particularly, but he’d anticipated a lot of questions and concerns, but other than seeming a little surprised it didn’t seem to faze anyone. Steve even idly wondered if they’d really understood.
It was when they were halfway through the movie that Natasha put two and two together, “So… you and Bucky, huh?”
5
Bucky’s recovery became less of a constant uphill struggle and started to formulate only in moments of difficulties. Though he often got confused about what order some things happened he had recovered nearly all of his lost memories. He had stopped lashing out when people caught him off guard, though he did often jump when people brushed by him when he wasn’t expecting it. He did drift into his own head occasionally but these times became less and less frequent and Steve was always able to bring him back.
When Bucky joined the Avengers the rest of the team were worried about the kind of public backlash he might be subjected to. All of the information on the Winter Soldier was in the public domain; it had got out along with all the rest of SHIELD’s secrets. What none of the Avengers were expecting was the outpouring of love the ex-Soviet spy received.
With all the video and document evidence to the contrary, Bucky was never seen as a willing enemy agent. Instead people sympathised, this was their hero, Captain America’s sidekick, the guy from all the old posters and memorabilia. Of course, they were furious but their anger was never directed at Bucky.
Instead Bucky was seen as a hero, people talked about how he’d saved Captain America from drowning even while brainwashed. Bucky Bears went back into production, and groups of teenagers who called themselves ‘Winter’s Children’ made online blogs entirely dedicated to him.
“I don’t get why you’re so popular. You have one metal arm, I have an entire metal suit. Your metal game is weak and one day the whole world will realise it,” Tony said one morning over breakfast while nursing a cup of coffee.
“You’re just jealous that you’re no longer everyone’s favourite Avenger. Also that I get more fanmail in the post than you do,” Bucky said with a smirk.
“Ha, your reputation as a bad boy would dissolve in the wind if people heard about how whipped you are, Barnes.”
“I am not whipped.”
Just at that moment Steve walked in wearing only a pair of tracksuit bottoms, “Hey you,” he whispered in Bucky’s ear, leaning down for a chaste kiss. “Any chance you could get me a cup of coffee, I still struggle with that machine,” Bucky wanted to resist but come on the man was topless and was wearing his best puppy dog expression.
Bucky sighed and stood up to go make his impossibly handsome boyfriend a cup of coffee. Steve winked at Tony behind Bucky’s back and Tony had to stifle a laugh.
Steve wheeled round at the click sound of Clint taking a photograph. “What are you doing?” he asked.
“Stark and I have a bet: he says I’ll never get over a million twitter followers in one week. I have a lot of cash riding on this; I’m not above using underhand tactics. Topless Captain America has got to get me at least another ten thousand followers, if not more.”
“I knew I should have set up more rules and boundaries,” Stark groaned.
“I’m always happy to help out a friend in need, especially if said friend is trying to get one over on Tony, let me know if you want me to pose. After all, it seems I am the favourite Avenger,” Bucky grinned and Clint gave him a fist bump.
“Thanks man, I’ll let you know when I think of something!”
“Your popularity is based on novelty, I’m Iron Man, you will never be able to compete with that,” Tony insisted before heading down to his workshop.
It wasn’t long before a photo of Bucky, only covered by the Captain America shield gained Clint over a hundred thousand followers. It also caused the hashtag GodBlessAmerica to trend worldwide for over an hour.
“I’m a top secret spy, Clint, I’m not posing with one of your arrows just to help you win some ridiculous bet!” Steve could hear Natasha yelling in the hallway from where he was curled up on the sofa with Bucky.
“I still can’t believe you let Clint take that picture, Fury is going to be angry, he’ll think you’re ruining the team’s reputation,” Steve murmured, he knew he sounded petulant.
“If I was going to ruin the Avengers’ reputation it wouldn’t be with that photo.” He looked up at Steve from his position which was practically on top of the other man, a smile taking over his features, “are you… jealous?”
“No of course not,” Steve said, not meeting his boyfriend’s eyes.
“I think you are,” Bucky grinned even harder, “you don’t have to be, you know I only want to kiss you.” Bucky pulled Steve into a kiss, running his hand through his lover’s blonde hair as he did so.
“Maybe we should take this upstairs,” Steve whispers once they both had to pause for breath. Bucky grinned and kissed Steve again.
The click of Clint’s camera had Bucky gracelessly falling off the sofa in a desperate attempt to stop the camera from being able to capture the moment. He failed and landed on his ass.
“That is not going on the internet!” Steve yelled once he pulled Bucky to his feet.
“Relax, I won’t put it on Twitter,” Clint grinned evilly, “though it does make great blackmail material.”
As Clint dashed from the room Bucky yelled after him “You dare and I’ll tell Nat what actually happened to her china statue!”
Clint had gone but so had any kind of romantic atmosphere, so the two of them decided to go and train for the afternoon.
“There ain’t no party like an Avengers party!” Tony called, later that evening, pulling out bottles of alcohol and setting them on the coffee table. Tony periodically insisted in throwing spontaneous parties with the rest of the team whenever they all found themselves in the tower for the evening.
“Because only an Avengers party can cause the complete destruction of the world as we know it while one man still isn’t even tipsy?” Bucky asked as he flopped onto the sofa.
“Wow Sargent Buzzkill, you really know how to have a good time,” Tony started pouring out drinks. When he got to Steve he offered him a different shot, “you can get drunk with us if you want.”
Steve hesitated, he would like to get drunk with his friends for once but he always worried that if he got drunk there would be nobody to take care of Bucky if he had one of his episodes. Almost seeming to sense his uncertainty, Bucky took the shot from Tony, “he wants to.”
“Bucky,” Steve murmured.
“Steve, seriously, I’ll be fine and anyway I don’t think Bruce will be getting hammered. I haven’t had a problem in weeks and I’ll be with you all evening.”
Steve nodded and the two linked arms in order to take their shots at the same time, Steve drinking what Tony had given him while Bucky had tequila.
The rest of the evening was a bit of a blur for Steve. He was pretty sure at one point there was strip poker, but that was mainly because he woke up in his boxers with the ace of spades stuck to his face. Bucky was sprawled on top of him, his hair getting in Steve’s mouth. Steve gently tried to push off his lover but Bucky only clung on more tightly. Steve sighed placing a quick kiss to the top of his head.
The click of Clint’s camera had Steve sitting up immediately as Bucky rolled off him and landed in an ungainly heap for the second time in as many days. “Whaa… why am I nearly naked?”
“Clint!” Steve yelled, “that is not going on Twitter!”
“Relax Steve, I’m not that evil. I know you want to come out in your own time. Besides I already posted some great stuff last night… or at least, I think I did, it’s all been a bit of a blur.”
Bucky’s confused look was gone, replaced by a mischievous glint, “Please please tell me you posted a picture of Tony trying to lift Thor’s hammer.”
“You know it! I got a great one of Thor wearing a saucepan on his head to.”
“Weren’t you both wearing saucepans?” Steve deadpanned.
“The internet doesn’t need to know that! And besides, check out my follower count, well over a million.”
Bucky was about to give Clint a well-deserved fist bump when he noticed what was trending. “Clint,” he said, using his most dangerous Winter Soldier voice, “why is UpAllNightToGetBucky trending worldwide?”
“I don’t know!”
“What did you post?”
“Nothing!”
“Let me see your tweets!”
Steve vaulted over the sofa while Bucky and Clint fought over the Stark Pad, except he didn’t quite take his hangover into account and ended up tripping over the sofa onto the floor. He grabbed hold of Tony’s laptop which he’d left on the coffee table and went onto Clint’s Twitter account. Clint hadn’t been lying, the pictures he had posted really had just been the team doing stupid stuff.
All except the one of Tony, Thor and Natasha doing the Macarena, which had him and Bucky in the background.
Making out.
Steve made a noise in the back of his throat which sounded a bit like a cat that had suddenly found its tail trodden on. In the photo, Bucky’s legs were wrapped around his waist, Bucky’s hand was in his hair and Steve’s jeans were undone. Shit.
The commotion of Clint and Bucky’s battle woke up the rest of the Avengers who proceeded to pull the two apart. It was, of course, at this point that Director Fury decided to grace the tower with his presence.
“What the hell happened last night?” he demanded, strolling into the tower like he owned the place.
“Director Fury, feel free to come in, not like this is our home or my tower or anything like that,” said Tony, who looked like he’s spent last night in a ditch somewhere.
“I’ll take that as an offer,” Fury turned towards Steve, “do you know what it’s like to get my beauty sleep interrupted because you caused a media shit storm?”
“Director Fury…” Steve began, unsure what to say.
“I get woken up at three in the morning because of a picture of you and the Winter Soldier getting onto Twitter. I have parent groups calling for you to give up the shield. I’ve got people asking if he’s playing the long game,” Fury pointed to where Bucky was standing slack-jawed.
“Now just what is your problem here? That a picture of us got onto Twitter, or that we’re together in the first place,” Steve was happy to apologise when he was in the wrong. But he didn’t like bullies; he especially didn’t like Fury trying to use Bucky’s past to back him into a corner.
“So what if a picture of Cap and Cap Hook got on Twitter, people will love it. And if it pisses off a few intolerant douchebags so much the better,” Tony stood behind Steve, laying a hand on his shoulder.
“Seriously people have some pretty awful priorities if this is what they pick up on to criticise the Avengers with,” Natasha joined in, “and anyway, it was Clint who posted the picture without checking it first.”
“Hey! I resent that. Also if Twitter’s anything to go by, the response seems pretty positive,” Clint interjected.
“But why, why would anyone be happy that Captain America is with some ex-Soviet assassin?” Bucky said, looking downwards and refusing to meet anyone’s eye.
“Hey, everyone knows that wasn’t you,” Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand, caressing his knuckles with his thumb.
“Yeah, terminator, you said it yourself you’re everyone’s favourite Avenger… apart from me of course,” Tony smiled a shit-eating grin.
“It’s not exactly the way I wanted to come out, but it gets the job done,” Steve grinned.
“Look,” Fury sighed, “I don’t care that you two are in a relationship, I just don’t want any more late night phone calls because you bunch of imbeciles have decided to get drunk. How did you even get drunk, Rogers... Never mind I don’t even care, just sort out some form of press release.”
Once Fury left an awkward silence took over with none of the Avengers sure what to say. They were still taking in the upturned furniture and general devastation of the night before. It was at this point that Bruce, who had gone to bed early instead of getting drunk, joined them in the rec room, “Why was Fury here just now?”
The press conference was hastily arranged for the next day, giving Steve that afternoon to prepare what he was going to say. He’d asked if Bucky had wanted to speak but Bucky had refused, “I’m no good at speaking in public; I’m surprised you even want people to know you’re sleeping with a murderer.” After a pointless argument about ethics and brainwashing followed by a round of make-up sex, Steve had even less time to prepare what he was going to say. In the end, after the reassurance that Bucky would be next to him, he decided he may as well just wing it.
The team had all shown up to show their support, but only Bucky and Steve would be in front of the cameras. They all gave the couple their encouragements before someone came to ask them to come up to the platform.
Steve took Bucky’s hand as they walked on to take their seats, he could barely see through the flashes of what felt like thousands of cameras all going off at once, he could even here a few ‘aw’s from the members of the press gathered.
“I called this press conference today,” Steve began, he wanted to cut to the chase, didn’t want to be in front of the cameras any longer than he had to, “because a photo of myself and Bucky was posted on Twitter a couple of nights ago in an… urm… compromising position.” There were a few chuckles from his audience but none seemed malicious, “I guess it was a little embarrassing but it did mean that I was finally forced to do something I had been meaning to do for some time. I feel so privileged, having come from a time of intolerance, to now be living in the twenty-first century where I don’t have to worry about being arrested the second I leave this platform. I’m so proud of my country for changing the laws that bring us closer to equality. Most of all I’m so privileged to have this man with me, I’ve loved Bucky Barnes for almost as long as I can remember and it brings me great joy to be able to publically announce this love today.”
It was the first time Steve had been to a press conference that ended in applause. Instead of immediately asking questions many of the reporters gathering shouted their congratulations and clapped. Of course, some remained with sour looks on their faces or disgust on their eyes but Steve chose to ignore them. This was a happy day.
He answered their questions in a daze; most of them were very straightforward, such as how he was feeling – amazing. How long at the rest of the team known – a few months. Did this affect team dynamics – only that he wanted to put himself in between every enemy and Bucky. He got another round of coos for that one.
Some of the questions were offensive. One reporter asked if he felt he was able to continue in his role as Captain America now he was such a bad role model for children. Steve felt Bucky tense up at that question, but Steve just put his arm around Bucky and said that if loving someone made you a bad role model he didn’t want to be a good one.
There were some gasped when it was revealed that they’d been together since before Steve was Captain America, that they’d been together in the forties. “It was very difficult,” Steve explained, “we had to be so careful, Peggy was the only one in the army that knew to my knowledge. There was always the fear that we’d get found out. But I couldn’t stay away from him.” Bucky smiled at him when he said that and the camera’s flashed again at the intimate moment.
The final question was from a smart looking red haired woman, “could Sargent Barnes possibly comment on his feelings at the present time?”
Steve was about to weave some excuse but Bucky squeezed his hand, “it’s fine, Steve,” he whispered. “Yeah… urm… I first met Steve when he was taking on a couple of kids twice his size in a back alley. He was the bravest man I ever knew right from when I first saw him. He later assured me he had them on the ropes but at the time it was pretty clear he was going to get his ass handed to him,” there was a smattering of laughter from the press. “I’m so glad I stepped in, because while I might have saved Steve from a couple of bruises that day, ever since then he’s done nothing but save me. He’s saved me from countless enemies but most importantly he’s saved me from myself. He was with me every day of my recovery and that is a debt I will never be able to repay. I never thought anyone would want to publically proclaim any kind of love for me, because for years I was told that I wasn’t made to be loved. But Steve loves me, for reasons I will never be able to fathom, and him wanting to share that with you all, well it’s just… it’s more than I deserve. Steve makes me feel safe, he makes me feel happy and I will love him ‘till my dying day.”
When Bucky turned to look at Steve there were tears in his lover’s eyes. “I love you,” Steve whispered, and despite his loathing of public displays of affection Steve leaned in for them to share a chaste kiss.
That evening, with their permission, Clint posted the picture of them together on the sofa. “It’s probably for the best if they don’t have to use the half-naked make-out photo on the morning news tomorrow, kids could be watching,” Steve insisted.
+1
“Aw look at this one, ‘He’s too precious for this world, I just want to wrap him up in blankets and feed him soup’,” Tony reads in a high pitched voice, “your reputation is torn to shreds, my friend, the whole dark and mysterious thing is gone… forever!”
“Shut up Tony, I’m still more popular than you. Why are you even on tumblr anyway?” Bucky muttered, attacking his pancakes like he would a Hydra agent.
“All the better to mock you with, my dear,” Tony smiled sweetly.
“Well you two made it onto every news channel,” Natasha said, smiling at Bucky and Steve as she wondered into the room, flicking the TV on as she walked. She wasn’t wrong the two of them sitting together at the press conference immediately featured on the screen, Bucky was kind of annoyed at how often they kept playing his answer when it had really been Steve’s press conference. His annoyance lowered when he realised there was a direct correlation between the amount of times Steve caught snippets of it on the TV and radio, and how affectionate he was.
“Urgh, it’s only been one day and I’m already sick of it,” Clint sat in the chair next to Bucky, and snatched his plate of pancakes, “There was an hour long discussion of whether you would get married, an hour!”
“Well it’s technically your fault so you can deal,” Bucky grumbled, pulling his plate back.
“You didn’t have to be quite so cavity inducing, Barnes. Now I have to listen to you ramble about your love for Steve wherever I go. I used to get questions about archery shit. I went out for a run this morning and all the reporters wanted to know was details of your love life.”
“I refer back to my previous statement,” Bucky muttered, petulantly.
“Morning, Avengers,” Nick Fury strolled into the room for a second time.
“Good morning, Charlie,” Tony called back in a sickly sweet high pitch.
Clint laughed so hard he nearly fell off his chair. Steve and Bucky just exchanged bemused expressions; clearly they were missing something.
Fury chose to ignore the interruption, “good press conference yesterday. I actually got some sleep last night. I haven’t got as many people panicking at me. Although I do still have angry conservatives, I do feel that I’m not doing my job properly unless that is the case.” He hands a letter to Steve, “it was given to one of the security guards outside the tower by some kid. He asked me to give it to you. Don’t worry, it won’t explode.” With his long black coat billowing behind him Fury left the tower without another word.
“I hate it when he does that,” Tony muttered.
“Well I’d better go out for my jog,” Bucky stretched as he stood up, “I guess I’d better go find something which would have some hope of hiding my face. You wanna come, Steve?”
“I’d better not, I don’t feel like talking to the press today, I did all that yesterday and they’re more likely to notice if we go out together.”
“You’re probably right, I’ll catch you later,” they share a quick kiss before Bucky dashes off to get changed.
Steve settles down on the sofa and takes out the letter he got given by Fury. He was half expecting it to be threatening or contain a note from Fury himself warning him away from Bucky. He wasn’t expecting what it actually was.
Dear Captain America,
You probably don’t know me, in fact I’m almost certain you don’t. We’ve never met but I wanted to write to you anyway. I’m writing this now having just watched your press conference where you told the whole world who you are.
I always looked up to you, I used to read about you as a kid and you were one of the main reasons I still want to study history. When you came back from the ice I was overjoyed. After watching your press conference I look up to you now more than ever. I always knew you were brave in battle, but you must be so brave in private too to be able to be so honest. I’m gay myself and you’re the first person I’ve told.
My school is real conservative and I know my parents would not be happy with me if they found out to say the least. I had resigned myself to a life of never being true to myself, I had almost accepted this. But seeing you being so brave with Bucky (you two are a really cute couple by the way) made me realise that it doesn’t have to be that way. If Captain America, the all-American hero from my childhood, can be openly gay then maybe one day I can be too. You’re the first person I have come out to, but it is because of you and what you said that I don’t think you’ll be the last.
You have given me hope for my future which means the world to me.
Yours,
Stephanie (a lesbian who is not destined to be forever in the closet)
Steve read the letter twice over, tears filling up his eyes as he did so. He couldn’t believe how close he’d come to not holding that press conference, to leaving it for God knows how long. Most of all he didn’t realise the impact his words could have, while completely caught up in himself and Bucky he forgot that Captain America had power. He was a national icon and now he could be more than that, he could be an inspiration to those who society had pushed aside.
When Bucky came back after his run he was scowling as he ran a hand through his hair, “It was all going so well until I helped up a little girl who fell in the park. Of course the second she starts yelling about the man with the metal hand the media are all over me. God Steve, I wish we’d never called that press conference it’s going to be more trouble than it’s worth.”
“That press conference was worth all the trouble in the world,” Steve stood to face Bucky, his eyes alight with the conviction of his words. He handed Bucky the letter, “I would put up with a press conference every day of the week if it meant reaching out to more kids like this.”
Steve watched as Bucky’s eyes bugged over the letter, “God, Steve, I didn’t realise.” Bucky held the letter like it was made of the most precious material.
“People would say a lot of what I do is heroic, it’s certainly portrayed that way,” Steve said quietly, “but I’ve never felt like a hero until today.”