Work Text:
It was an innocent Saturday, with the class rehearsing for the culture festival. Practice stopped when Toogata-senpai appeared with a young girl next to him.
"Eri-chan!!" Midoriya smiled.
So this was Eri-chan. Sato had the urge to protect her ever since the internship students had described her to him and the others. Seeing her in front of him the sugar lover immediately equated her to a precious cinnamon roll. She was too good for this world, too pure.
And then, Minoru Mineta, a piece of trash, too ugly for this world, too horny, ruined the peaceful atmosphere.
"I'm Mineta!" The ugly grape boy waved, "I'm looking forward to seeing you in ten years!"
Toogata-senpai stepped protectively in front of Eri, blocking Mineta's view of the girl. Eri looked uncomfortable as she clutched onto his trouser leg. Kirishima came to the rescue as he 'accidentally' slammed Mineta on his ass as he made his way to Eri.
But Mineta falling on his ass wasn't enough punishment in Sato's eyes. The little grape monster was unforgivable. How could he sexualise an abused girl? Sato was done with his shit.
And so, he set a plan into motion. Mineta wouldn't be around to see Eri in ten years.
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The same evening, most of class 1A had retreated to their dorm rooms. Everyone had exhausted themselves practicing all afternoon. Sato, however, had other plans for the night. He sat in the common area sipping his special recipe of coffee, a brew loaded with sugar and caffeine. Sato didn't plan to sleep tonight. Not until his work was done.
The clock struck midnight in the room. Sato drained the remaining coffee from his cup and began his ascent to the second floor.
The respecter of women came face to face with Mineta's door. Sato had no desire to see the disgusting contents of the room, but he would do anything for the sake of protecting women.
Sato punched the door in. Stepping over a pile of dirty tissues, he made it to Mineta's bed.
Mineta groggily opened his eyes and squinted as Sato, who towered over his bed.
"What are you doing here in the middle of the night?" The ugly gremlin glared, "If it was one of the girls I would've welcomed them but you're not-"
Mineta's rantings abruptly cut off when Sato punched him in the stomach, knocking him out.
Sato then hoisted Mineta over his shoulder and made his way to the kitchen. He had prepared the necessary tools in advance. His top of the range blender stood like a God atop the counter. It would need to be thrown out after its purpose was fulfilled, and Sato shed a tear for its sacrifice.
It was for the greater good.
Sato dumped Mineta's body on the countertop and plugged in the blender. Then he shoved the grape boy inside.
The sound of the blender echoed through the night.
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In the morning, the rest of his classmates came down. Even though it was Sunday, they all made it a habit to be up and have breakfast together.
Sato had made breakfast for his beloved classmates this morning. A multitude of perfectly cooked breakfast goods lay on the table.
"Damn dude! You really outdid yourself today! What's the occasion?" Kaminari asked in excitement.
Sato smiled as he took out the final tray from behind his back.
"Hm? Grape juice? I only buy orange juice for the dorm," a confused Iida murmured. He looked at the glasses of purple liquid balanced on the serving tray.
"Well, Kaminari is right. This is a special occasion." Sato placed the juice in the middle of the table, with an innocent smile.
"Y'all want some juice?"
_____
BONUS
[12:02am]
class leader Iida: Did you just hear a bang in Mineta's room?
jiro the guitar hero: Do y'all hear sumn? ...
mummomo: No...
invisi-gal: Nope...
shoji broji: Hell no
toilet paper: I'm hellen keller in this bitch....
kirishiMAN: Ion hear shit....
bakuBOI: Not a damn thing...
class leader iida: Did Mineta just scream?
oUWUjiro: Ear machine broke ...
gero up: Somebody said sumn? ...
icyhot: Something was said? ....
gravity falls: Someone speak? ...
class leader Iida: The blender is on?
koda: Y'all hear that? ... nah
sparkling: I sleep... goodnite
mychemicalbirddance: We sleep
pinky: Ain't a damn sound to be heard ...
zap zap: It quiet af ...
dekudekudekiru: Complete silence ...
class leader Iida: ...
class leader Iida: Thank God I don't have to pretend to care then since it was totally my imagination...
class leader Iida: Goodnight to everyone except Mineta
sugar daddy: Oh, it's goodnight to him alright