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The explosion rattled Tenya’s bed, shaking him awake. He jumped up, engines already running, ready to burst into action. He was no sooner on his feet though that he realized it wasn’t an explosion that woke up, just the sound of a plane overhead.
Tenya scrubbed a hand over his eyes as he sunk back down into his bed, stretching his arm out onto Hanta’s empty side. It was cold. Tenya sighed.
Well, since he was up, he was up. Tenya looked at his clock. 5:34. The sun was just beginning to rise over Musutafu, but Tenya had work to do at UA and he figured he might as well take advantage of his students not being there to do it. Tenya prided himself on his work ethic but he had to admit, the older he got and the longer he taught at UA the more he respected Aizawa’s choice to bring a sleeping bag with him everywhere.
Tenya wasn’t even close to the same uptight kid he was when he was a student at UA, he had Hanta to thank for that, but he still wasn’t gonna bring a sleeping bag with him everywhere, even though with Aizawa as principal now he’s pretty sure he could get away with it. Tenya shook his head as he got into the shower, yeah right.
Tenya hummed quietly as he showered, some song Hanta liked that Tenya had hated at first and now here he was, singing it to himself. Ridiculous. If he had told 15 year old Tenya he would be singing to himself in the shower he would’ve given himself a lecture on safety and economical time management. Tenya chucked.
Tenya walked out to their kitchen, pulling out two travel mugs before remembering Hanta wasn’t there this morning, and putting one back in the cabinet. Force of habit.
Tenya’s routine once he got to UA was the same as it always was. He stopped by Aizawa’s office and greeted him, put his stuff in the teacher’s lounge at his desk, made a second cup of coffee. Tenya was munching happily on banana, going over the latest homework with a red pen when Midoriya walked in.
Midoriya was the number one hero, of course, but he still taught classes here and there at UA. That sentimental idiot could never say no to Aizawa. Tenya smiled at him broadly, voice echoing in the quiet of the teacher’s lounge.
“Good morning, Midoriya!”
“Good morning, Iida!”
“How are you today?”
“I’m” Midoriya paused, smile falling a bit before perking up again, “I’m great! Of course I’m great!”
Tenya got up and crossed the room to Midoriya’s side.
“Are you okay? You know it’s okay to not be great, Midoriya! Talking about your feelings is behavior worthy of the number one hero!”
Midoriya smiled at him genuinely again, before brushing him off.
“I will, I promise,” Midoriya paused, “have you gone to the garden yet?”
Tenya threw his banana peel out before turning back to face Midoriya, smile replaced by something smaller and more bittersweet.
“Not yet, did you want to come with me?”
Midoriya nodded.
They chatted aimlessly as they walked towards the garden that Aizawa had installed ten years ago, it really was beautiful and Tenya enjoyed getting to sit in it peacefully each morning.
Their conversation halted abruptly as they got the gate, and Tenya turned to Midoriya.
“Alone, or together?”
Midoriya seemed to consider for a second.
“Alone is fine, I don’t want to cut into your time.”
Tenya opened his mouth to object, but Midoriya cut him off.
“Really! Really, Iida. Alone.”
Tenya closed his mouth into a straight line, but nodded once before gesturing for Midoriya to go in front of him.
After the gate the first thing that they saw was the large sculpture, simple, with the names of the civilians that were killed underneath an explanation of what happened that day. Tenya nodded imperceptibly at Midoriya before turning down the path to his right, while Midoriya headed to the left.
Tenya passed by Ojirou’s statue, as usual, and touched his foot before passing on. Sometimes in the afternoon he would sit and talk to him, even though he knew Ojirou was buried up north with his family. Tenya couldn’t shake the feeling of not wanting to leave him alone. But in the mornings he had no time for that.
The gravel crunched as Tenya kept walking. Tenya knew the large circle by heart, where everyone’s statues were. The UA students had been ordered according to their seat numbers, with the older pro heroes who had died in the middle, dividing the fallen from their class in half. That’s why Midoriya had went the other way. They’d meet in the middle, but it was faster for Midoriya to get to Todoroki that way.
Tenya closed his eyes as he walked past Kaminari’s statue. The explosion had rocked their ten year reunion, shaking everyone into action. Luckily it was early in the night so no one had gotten a chance to get proper drunk yet, but the attack was well coordinated. Planned out. Something years in the making, all to get to Tenya’s class. They were all pro heroes, everyone was well trained. But sometimes even being well trained wasn’t enough. Even having the number one hero wasn’t enough.
And that night, it wasn’t enough.
There was a slightly larger gap than there should have been after Kaminari’s statue. Jirou’s was supposed to go there, but there had been a last minute decision to move her next to Momo. They’d died together, side by side, it was only fitting that they be buried the same way. Tenya blinked hard against his tears as they started to fall.
Ten years. Many people had moved on, the tragedy becoming nothing more than a historical moment for them, easy to forget. But Tenya could never forget, no more than he could forget the years he spent by his friends sides.
He moved past the next statue quickly, sitting in front of Tensei’s statue. Tenya’s tears flowed quickly then, rolling down his face and over his chin. Every time he sat here it was like he was 15 again, getting the call about Tensei’s accident. Tensei’s recovery hadn’t been easy, but at least he was there. And now he was gone again and the grief was opening up Tenya from the inside.
Tensei had been called in, one of the first outside heroes to get there. But Tenya would have expected no less. Tenya cursed himself, like always did when he thought about that night. He hadn’t even known Tensei was there, hadn’t even been able to talk to him before he went whizzing past Tenya, right into an attack meant for him.
Tensei was killed immediately. There were no final words. Tenya didn’t know if that was better or worse than having time for them. That had happened early on in the night though, Tenya was devastated but he’d powered through, let Hanta and Midoriya pull him away gently, refocus his thoughts.
He’d thought the night couldn’t get any worse. He was wrong.
Tenya’s phone beeped once, the timer he’d set when he’d walked in the gate going off quietly. He had to do this. Given the chance he would sit here all day, forgetting the teachers, forgetting the other people he had to say. That was another reason he went this way.
It hurt, obviously. It tore him to pieces, seeing Ojirou and Kaminari’s statues. But if he had to walk past Todoroki and Momo’s...Tenya took a shuddering breath in. He didn’t know how he could keep walking. How he could make it back in time for class. How he could avoid putting his fist through a window.
Tenya shook his head. He was just feeling emotional today. He would walk past Todoroki and Momo’s statues on his way out. He would touch Momo’s hand and Todoroki’s hair and keep going, toward the gate and into the courtyard and into the school. He would keep going; for them, because of them.
Sometimes, being here reminded Tenya of how alone he was. Tenya’s back ached from where he was bent over, curled up into himself at the base of Tensei’s statue. He lifted his head up to roll his neck, cracking it once before seeing a flash of red hair on the other side of the circle, and quiet murmurs as Kirishima and Midoriya talked quietly at Todoroki’s statute.
The air was cold as it rushed into Tenya’s throat. He hadn’t even realized he’d been holding it, unconsciously waiting for something. Or maybe unconsciously trying to fill the hole his loneliness had left in him. He wasn’t alone.
The battle had been hard on them all emotionally, but physically Kirishima had taken it the hardest. He’d held up half a building while Bakugou had evacuated as many people as he could before it collapsed around them. Kirishima took the brunt of the debris as he struggled to protect Bakugou as Bakugou pleaded with him to go, leave him behind. Tenya only knew this because they’d gone to countless group therapy sessions together after, reliving and working through everything that had happened. Those were probably the only reason they were here now; being able to grieve, being able to talk about it, to talk to each other. The only reason they were here at all.
Once they’d been pulled out, both had been damaged beyond repair. Kirishima’s left side was entirely destroyed. Terminal Quirk Limit had been reached they said, and there was no coming back from that. Kirishima would never be able to harden his left side again. He’d never be able to go unbreakable on his right either. There was nothing to be done.
Bakugou’s body had been intact, but he’d been traumatized. PTSD wasn’t a rare thing amongst pro heroes and they’d been given the tools to handle it. But having to face your own death, your partner’s death, the fallout from being trapped literally and figuratively. Bakugou had broken apart, flying apart into a thousand pieces. And Kirishima was usually there to put him back together, to be his rock, but he was falling apart too.
Tenya clenches his fist tightly, remembering getting the call.
It was Midoriya, frantic. The only thing Tenya could understand through the tears was “Kacchan”.
Tenya had run all the way to the hospital.
The timer beeped again in Tenya’s pocket, reminding him he only had ten minutes left. Damn it. He’d gone off again, lost in his own thoughts. He stood up wearily, shaking out his legs and cracking his back. He was getting old, they all- those that were left were.
Tenya took a deep breath, steadying himself as he finally returned to the statue he’d skipped over. He’d learned the hard way that if he stopped here first he’d never get out in time to see everyone he wanted to see. The first few times he’d come here to visit Aizawa had to come get him, pull him away because his home room had reported him missing. Tenya shook his head. So unprofessional.
But he’d seen Aizawa when he got here early sometimes in the warmer months, curled up under Yamada’s statue after he’d been here all night. He knew Aizawa didn’t begrudge him the extra time he spent here, because Aizawa was doing the same thing.
Tenya finally came to sit at the base of Hanta’s statue. His elbows were out, as if ready to shoot tape at someone. Everyone’s statues had been made with them wearing their hero costumes, in an appropriate hero pose. Tenya smiled, Hanta would’ve liked his.
It had been ten years. But ten years didn’t dull the pain any less. Because ten years ago, Hanta and Tenya had been here, together. Matching wedding bands on their fingers and discussing adoption because they wanted to have kids. Maybe a boy and a girl. They were supposed to go see a house the day after the attack.
But instead, the day after the attack. Tenya was in the hospital. Tenya was frantically asking about Hanta, and getting told, again and again that Hanta wasn’t coming back. But the problem was Tenya kept falling asleep, and dreaming about what had happened, and then waking up and thinking it was exactly that: a dream.
It wasn’t a dream.
They’d been almost out. The fight had been winding down. Tensei had already been taken down, so had Tokoyami and Kaminari. The desperation was a smog over the fight and Tenya was choking on it. Choking on it and his own fear but all he could see was Hanta’s in the corner of his eye and it was keeping him grounded. Except multiple things had happened at once.
Todoroki had went down, exhausted and worn out, collapsing onto the ground dripping blood. It only took a glance from Midoriya for Tenya to start going to him, to try and get him out of his way. He knew Hanta would have his back.
Except in that glance there had been enough time for a villain to get off a lucky attack. A bullet. A simple bullet was what ended Todoroki’s life, because Tenya hadn’t been fast enough.
But Tenya was still on his way to him, had started his momentum and so the villain continued firing and Tenya was helpless to stop it.
But Hanta wasn’t. Tenya had known Hanta would have his back and he did. He pulled him back, just in time. Except that just in time for Tenya was just out of time for Hanta, because Tenya was going too fast and was too heavy for Hanta to use just one piece of tape. He had to use two. And that left him unprotected.
Tenya had watched as a villain appeared out of thin air, a thin silver blade diving into Hanta’s chest, before they disappeared again.
Midoriya was still fighting, nothing but desperation and pure, unadulterated rage keeping him going. But Tenya wasn’t that strong. He had to go to Hanta. He couldn’t leave him alone, not like this. Not for the sake of everyone here. Everyone on the planet.
Not very heroic of him, but Tenya was looking at his soulmates blood spreading out in a pool around him.
Hanta’s eyes were glassy as they looked up at him, his blood already cold where it was seeping into Tenya’s pants. He was crying. Or maybe that was Tenya. Hanta’s breath rattled as he tried to breathe, but something in his eyes knew it was a lost cause. He was a lost cause.
Tenya sobbed harder.
Hanta smiled thinly.
“Babe, if you wanted to get me into your arms tonight, all you had to do was ask.”
Tenya sighed wetly, knowing exactly what Hanta was trying to do. Hanta’s smile faded. He knew there was never getting anything past Tenya. That was part of why he loved him, or at least that’s what he said in their vows.
“I’m sorry, Tenya”
It was as if a damn had been opened, and Tenya couldn’t hold it in any longer. His words came tumbling out, tumbling over each other in their hurry.
“It’s okay - don’t - sorry - Hanta - please” Tenya inhaled, “please, please, please.”
Hanta’s hand, blood and cold, growing colder, touched Tenya’s face, interrupting him.
“Tenya. Tenya.” It sounded like a prayer.
“I’m sorry, Tenya. I love you. I’m sorry. Do you love me? I wanted to be enough for you. I tried really hard, Tenya.”
Hanta was crying now, except the sobs were coming hard and more blood was being forced out of the wound in Hanta’s chest. The blood pulsed between Tenya’s fingers where they were pressed over the wound. It was a lost cause.
Hanta was a lost cause.
“I love you, Hanta. I love you so much. I’m proud of you. I love you. You saved me, Hanta. You saved me. You’re more than enough. You’re my everything.”
Tenya touched their foreheads together now, tears flowing onto Hanta’s face. But Tenya couldn’t bring himself to close his eyes. He needed to be fully here, to see this.
Hanta smiled then, softly. It was wistful and beautiful, almost like all of the pain had gone out of him. Tenya’s breath left his chest.
“Thank you, Tenya. You’ve made my life the best life. I love you. Keep going, for me. My hero.”
If Tenya thought he couldn’t cry any harder, he was proven wrong now. Hanta’s eyes closed softly, and Tenya was left blubbering, whispering I love you and please over and over again, until he opened his eyes and the fight was over. A building had collapsed and he hadn’t noticed. Midoriya had taken down an army and he hadn’t noticed. Momo and Jirou had been killed and he hadn’t noticed. But Tenya was numb. What was the point in noticing what was happening in the world around him when his world had just died in his arms?
Later, in therapy, Tenya had struggled with the guilt. With the anger, at himself and Hanta. With the apathy. With the hopelessness. With the grief, with the grief, with the grief.
Tenya’s eyes opened. He can’t remember closing them but he also can’t remember when he started crying. He looked briefly at his phone. Five minutes. A waste of time remembering what had happened. That’s not why he comes here. He comes here to talk to Hanta. Tell him about his day, what he missed. Hanta would’ve loved the students.
Tenya had bought the house still, eventually after everything collapsed. It was empty without Hanta, but he couldn’t not do it. He had to do something. He told Hanta about the vegetable garden he planted out back, how the tomatoes were doing even though he hated tomatoes, he knew Hanta would’ve liked them. He brought one last year, ate it right here at Hanta’s feet so he could explain how it tasted.
As Tenya talked, the vice grip on his heart lessened a little. It would never fully let him, but it wasn’t as close to crushing him as it usually was when he was here. Sometimes, at night, it almost crushed him fully. But here, he could imagine what Hanta would say, how he would laugh.
The alarm interrupted Tenya mid sentence, almost perfectly timed with Midoriya walking around the bend with Kirishima. Perfect timing.
Tenya stood up, stepping up on the grass next to Hanta’s statue. He ignored the “Please don’t walk on the grass sign” there, and placed his hand on Hanta’s cheek, the same way he did every morning.
Tenya hopped off, directly into a hug from Kirishima.
“Iida! Long time no see man!”
Tenya smiled, tightening his grip on the other man.
“Kirishima! It’s good to see you!”
Kirishima smiled, as they fell into an easy walk back the way Midoriya and Kirishima had come from.
Kirishima smiles up at the Fatgum statue as they pass, then all of them lay their hands on Yamada’s outstretched ones; his mouth is open in a smiling yell.
They go back, past Tokoyami and Todoroki. Past Jirou and Momo. And then they’re back at the front.
Bakugou is waiting for them at the gate. He never comes in, and Tenya doubts he ever will. He’s recovered a lot since that close call that night, but the Tenya knows the guilt on his shoulders. The pain and self loathing was there before, but after this it was almost insurmountable.
But not completely.
Tenya smiles as Bakugou lets their daughter’s hand go, and she flings herself at Kirishima.
Their laughter echoes around the garden as Tenya pulls the gate closed behind them on their way out. He hopes the statues can feel it. The happiness is still there. Not without them, not leaving them behind. With them.
Always with them.
Tenya looks back one more time, sees the tip of Hanta’s statue peeking out over the garden wall and he smiles at it. He can see Hanta in his mind's eye, winking back at him.
A soft thud interrupts his thoughts as he feels Kibo jump up, trying to get on his back.
“Up, Uncle Tenya!”
Tenya smiles, lifting the girl onto his shoulders, and turns towards UA. Today is going to be a good day.