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"Stop fidgeting," Raven reminds Clarke when she starts to bounce her leg again.
It’s an anxious tick on Clarke’s part, something she’s always done ever since she was a child. It somehow makes her feel like she’s in control of a situation that’s making her nervous, which of course is a load of crap when it’s stripped down to logic.
The couch she’s sitting on is uncomfortable and warm, the leather sticking to her bare legs. Maybe she's just uncomfortable in general and that’s the problem here. Music is blaring through Monty’s entire house, making the walls and her chest quiver under it’s bass. The whole room is too warm from the crowd of drunken students that are here to let loose and the anticipation thrumming under Clarke’s skin blends in with the power of the current song, making the rumble rise up into her throat.
New Years eve means nothing to Clarke - she doesn’t believe in this "new year, new me" spin that everybody sings about on January 1st. She doesn’t sign up for any gym memberships, she doesn’t apply for any classes to learn a new hobby and she definitely doesn’t care about having someone to kiss at midnight or finding true love in the new year.
No, that opportunity had come and gone and crushed her soul already.
"He won’t come," Raven says when her previous reprimand did nothing to ease Clarke’s leg tap.
"We’ve been over this," Clarke mutters, barely audible over the music. "Echo will bring him, she’s good friends with Harper, Harper is dating Monty, this is Monty’s house. You don’t normally need things spelled out for you like this, Reyes."
Raven just rolls her eyes, tugging her red dress down a little as she adjusts herself on the couch. Her dark, sleek ponytail almost whips Clarke in the face as she turns to check whoever is coming through the door now. It’s Murphy, one of Bellamy’s best friends. Clarke’s heart stops and she freezes momentarily - but his girlfriend Emori is the only person that comes in behind him, so she lets out a breath. He’s not with them.
"Just drink," Raven orders after that, nudging her hand with her knee.
At this instruction, Clarke obeys immediately. She brings her red plastic cup up to her lips and downs whatever concoction Monty has created for this party. It tastes like bleach and burns like it too, but she gulps it back for liquid courage. Raven follows suit, maybe a little relieved herself that it wasn’t Bellamy walking through the door. It doesn't bode well for her night either to have him show up.
It’s barely broaching 10pm and Clarke finds herself questioning why she even agreed to come to this thing. Maybe it was due to Raven nagging her, moaning about the fact that Clarke hasn’t done much socialising with her college friends since she and Bellamy finished. That had been almost eight months ago but to be honest, it still feels just as raw as it had the day it ended.
Bellamy Blake. Stubborn, defensive, annoyingly handsome and absolutely perfect.
He and Clarke didn’t like each other at first, that was no secret. The second Miller introduced him to the group at a party one night, they made it their business to irritate one another from sun up until sun down. She found him a little arrogant and quite frankly, rude as hell.
He judged her from the start line, nicknaming her "Princess" for his own amusement because he thought her privileged. Maybe she was, but she wasn’t going to apologise for having the benefit of her mother earning enough to put her through college with ease. Art was something Clarke loved ever since she was little, so she wasn’t going to let anyone make her feel bad for being lucky enough to study it without debt.
Bellamy studied History, but as she eventually learned, he had a more complicated journey of getting to college than she had. He’s older than her, for one. While she was spending her summers relaxing with her friends and taking day trips to the beach, Bellamy spent his ones working and saving. Half of his earnings went into his college fund and half of it went to his family, because apparently his mother didn’t do much in terms of caring for his younger sister. It took him ages to earn enough to attend college and so, he didn’t hold back his bitterness for those who walked in here like it was their birthright.
It probably didn’t help the fact that he thought Clarke was blowing her education away, all because she partied a little too hard at night. She could give him that - her first year at Arkadia had been all too reckless. She knuckled down in her second year though and she caught glimpses of a different type of Bellamy after that. Getting to know the other side of Bellamy Blake was long and drawn out but the more they learned about one another, the more they respected each other. They learned to tolerate each other, at the very least. For a while anyway - before things started to change for what felt like the better.
Clarke remembers the turning point - they had come home from a party in their second year, way too drunk for their own good because Clarke hadn’t drank in months. Raven and the others had retreated home long ago and Miller had stayed at the party to flirt with some guy. Abandoning his tough guy act, Bellamy embraced his kind and decent side and walked Clarke back to her dorm.
It had just gone 1am, a new day already beginning. Bellamy was leaning against her door frame after he flicked on her light for her, watching Clarke as she stumbled through her room to reach her bed. She stopped in her tracks when she spotted the date flashing on the digital clock beside her bed. All of a sudden, it was like the floor vanished from underneath her.
"Today is the 26th?"
"Nothing gets past you, Princess." Bellamy smirked, his voice low and rough like she had come used to. His dark locks were curling around his ears and his black t-shirt stretched against his muscles as he folded his arms. When he noticed Clarke’s face drop, however, Bellamy’s attitude changed from teasing to concerned. "What’s wrong?"
The tears stung Clarke's eyes and she tried to swallow them back because shit, she hadn’t realised this date had come around so quickly. The guilt consumed her, swelling her chest with a painful wave of sadness because she had actually forgotten this date. How did she not realise?
Bellamy crossed the room and ended up hunkering down in front of her as she collapsed on the bed. "Hey, what is it?"
"It’s my father’s anniversary," she whispered the explanation, her heart clenching in the way she had unfortunately come to know too well.
Bellamy’s eyes swept across her face, sympathy filling his features. They were the most beautiful brown, rich and deep like the colour of earth after heavy rainfall. His irises glistened with flashes of copper in the light of her dorm, like rust on an iron chain. They held stories and layers behind them, similar to the chain. Once strong and solid, holding tightly onto secrets and guarded aspects of his life but the rust had slowly worn it away to show Clarke pieces of this man. Each shine of copper revealed a layer that told Clarke that there was more to Bellamy Blake than he let on.
"How long?" His voice cracked through the silence of her dorm.
His hand absentmindedly rubbed her knee, something that wouldn’t have happened if he weren't a little drunk, too. She tried to ignore how that made her feel and just focused on answering his question.
"Three years." Clarke swallowed.
She watched as Bellamy’s face softened. She knew he was good looking, it was blatantly obvious. She was no stranger to seeing girls fall over themselves for him when they were at parties or even in quieter places like the study hall or cafes. In that moment, though, where it was just him and Clarke, Bellamy looked godlike. It was the way his layers stripped back that made his beauty shine through, the consideration on his face as clear as water.
He hugged Clarke so tightly that night, let her cry out her returning grief into his shoulder and Clarke saw a different side to Bellamy as much as he did with her. The following day brought a natural change to their interactions. They progressed to friends, good friends for that matter. They hung out more without their group of friends, studied together and sought one another out in their free time.
Like a rocket crashing to Earth, their relationship escalated so quickly that it made Clarke’s head spin.
One night, after the two of them finished studying, they shared a bottle of tequila in his dorm and the night ended up in a very competitive game of truth or dare. Both of them were as stubborn and determined as one another, neither one wanting to back down from what was asked of them. After a while, the truth choice fizzled out and they were both actively choosing dares just to prove to the other that they would follow through.
The dares started silly and stupid, like when Clarke dared Bellamy to call the pizza place down the street and ask if they use cruelty-free wheat in their dough. Clarke’s stomach was aching from laughter by the time he finished the call and Bellamy himself could barely keep his voice serious on the phone. It was after that when the dares progressed to more serious and extreme ones, like when Bellamy dared Clarke to lick the salt from his neck before drinking her shot of tequila. She did, pushing down the intense hunger that grew in her stomach when her tongue touched his skin - but when she looked for the slice of lemon after her shot, Bellamy had it in his mouth and he showed it to her with a smile. Clarke smirked, chasing the lemon slice with a kiss to his lips and far too much eagerness.
When Clarke fell into Bellamy’s bed that night, it was clear they were now this "friends with benefits" nonsense that Clarke promised herself she’d never do with anyone.
What harm could it really do though, right?
As it turned out, a lot.
On top of sleeping with him, they became more affectionate with one another. All of their friends spotted it a mile off - the way Bellamy’s hand would absentmindedly rest on Clarke’s leg at the coffee shop, the way Clarke would play with his fingers sitting next to him in Art History class, the way Bellamy would give her his jacket on the way home from a party. What stood out most was that even though they were just friends with benefits, neither one would take anyone else home after a night out. It was always presumed that they would just go together.
And like every goddamn story of friends with benefits, one of them started to fall in love. Clarke knew she fell hard and fast for Bellamy Blake, and to be honest, she had seen it coming before they even began. She should have known better. Hindsight is a great thing.
Clarke lands back from her trip down memory lane with a bang, sticking to the leather couch as she turns towards her friend. The noise of the party resumes in her ears but her mouth is still dry - so dry that no amount of alcohol would help it. Her sequinned dress is too tight all of a sudden, making her breath feel like it’s catching in her chest. She had worn it before, the night she met Bellamy in fact. Everything is just tainted with the memory of him. He had been running around her head as she zipped up the dress when getting ready. She didn't purposely choose it because it reminded her of him, it just seemed appropriate for New Years because it’s dressy and sparkly. Except now, she’s wishing she bought something else. She’s wishing she never came here at all.
"Raven, I think I’m just going to go," Clarke gasps, overwhelmed with her sudden urgency to leave.
"Griffin, he’s not going to-"
"Miller, you made it!" Monty cheers from the hallway, zig-zagging in and out of the crowd of people to reach his friend who isn’t visible yet. He’s clearly just after walking in the front door. And where Miller goes…
"Raven." Clarke clutches her friends hand, her heart pounding a mile per second.
Dread fills her, making the muscles in her stomach clench. She hasn’t seen Bellamy since they decided to call it. It was Clarke’s idea, she couldn’t keep it up knowing she was falling in love with him and it wasn’t like that for him. They agreed whatever they were doing wouldn’t affect their friendship and it wouldn’t change things between them, so how could she tell him she was already on that downward spiral from the second they began?
It’s a miracle she’s avoided him around campus and considering she didn’t leave her dorm other than that, it would be difficult to run into him. She spotted him at the other end of the lecture hall during Art History once or twice, but she made sure to always arrive later than he did so she could choose a far away seat.
Clarke had found it hard to tell him that she wanted to stop what they were doing, found it hard to stop her voice shaking and stop herself pouring her heart out to him. He seemed fine - maybe that’s what bothered her more. Clarke wasn’t fine. She wanted to keep indulging in him, keep acting like they were a couple without actually being one. Keep kissing him and spending their nights wrapped in one another's arms, but how fair was that to him when he didn’t know how much she had messed up by falling for him? How fair was it to her?
It had been Clarke to avoid him and ignore his texts and calls. Maybe the longer she went without speaking to him, the more chance she had of her feelings dissipating. It still hasn’t happened. They promised they wouldn’t change things between them but Clarke had changed their dynamic anyway whether she intended to or not. By falling in love with him and then ignoring him.
A few months after they split, Raven had told her that Bellamy started dating Echo. Raven, being Clarke's best friend, knows how she feels - knew it from the second she saw Bellamy and Clarke together. So it wasn’t odd when she tried to make Clarke feel better by telling her that Bellamy had been miserable and how she didn’t feel like he was that into this Echo girl.
He must be into her considering they’re still together.
Clarke feels sick because she sees Echo first. She’s a little ashamed to admit that she stalked the girl on Instagram for a while, so easy to recognise the tall brunette. Her long, brown hair is poker straight and looks beautiful against her black, sparkly dress. Clarke is a little jealous of how gorgeous she is, no flaws visible at all in her party attire. She follows Miller and Monty into the kitchen, passing the open door of the living room where Clarke and Raven are located.
Clarke’s heart thumps ferociously in her chest and blood pounds the drum in her ears, making the entire place seem quieter than it actually is. Her skin is on fire and her head is light with panic and anxiety. The crowds of bodies are blocking them from view, so when Bellamy walks after his girlfriend and glances into the living room, he misses Clarke completely. She is more than grateful for that because she’s sure her jaw is on the floor.
It almost feels like it’s happening in slow motion when he turns his head, gives a once over to the living room and stares back towards the direction he’s walking. He’s wearing a blue henley, contrasting beautifully against his dark mop of curls. He’s clean shaven and more attractive than Clarke remembers. Her stomach is somersaulting and she swears internally at every detail she has forgotten about him, how wrong she was when she tried to convince herself that he wasn’t as attractive as she remembered.
"You okay?" Raven breaks her out of her stupor. Clarke looks to her best friend, who is staring at her with more concern than she’s ever seen Raven show.
"Fine," Clarke replies, sounding more certain than she feels and she’s thankful for that.
A wave of confidence washes over her in that moment. It’s been eight months, he’s moved on and why shouldn’t he? She called it between them and ignored him afterwards, she deserves the heartache she got from that and to be honest, she made the right decision. Bellamy didn’t love her back - if he did, he would have said it when she ended the intimate part of their relationship.
She shouldn’t sit here on New Years, wallowing in her own misery and making her friend sit here with her while she’s not having any fun at all. No - it was her own fault and she needs to accept that. Maybe part of her is a little bitter that he’s moved on, that he didn’t love her back, that he didn't fight for her. It’s immature and petulant but right now, Clarke feels like hooking up with someone else for the first time since Bellamy and she needs to run with that feeling. Even if it’s just to distract herself from the massive hole in her heart, what of it?
"Let’s go get a drink," Clarke tells Raven with a smile.
"Clarke," Raven starts but Clarke has already bolted from her sitting position.
Her long, blonde hair curls down her back and it swings when she rounds the corner, into Monty’s kitchen. He shares the house with Harper and their friend Jasper, who is undoubtedly the one blasting music through the speakers in the house. Clarke strides across the tiled floor, sifting her way in through bodies of people to reach the drink table. A little part of her wants Bellamy to see her now that she’s collected herself a little, and she’s not sure why. She left him, why is she trying to get noticed by him?
She’s not sure how long her newfound confidence will last, so she fills her drink quickly and is all too glad when she feels Raven at her elbow.
"Well, you’ve caught his attention anyway," Raven mutters as she fills her own cup.
Clarke turns her head slightly, barely catching Bellamy out of the corner of her eye as he leans against the counter. He’s definitely looking at her, but she doesn’t dare meet his gaze.
Clarke tries to mingle for the next hour. She chats up a pretty girl called Niylah only to find out that she’s waiting for her girlfriend to arrive. Next, she flirts with this guy Roan that she knows from Art History. In fact, she thinks he’s one of Bellamy’s friends. The chemistry isn’t there, though - he doesn’t make her heart pound the way Bellamy does, nor does her stomach come alive with butterflies like it does when Bellamy smiles at her.
Does anyone make her feel like that except him?
In fact, during their conversation, Clarke glances across and sees Echo pressing a kiss to Bellamy’s cheek as he talks to Jasper and Clarke’s false confidence shatters like glass. She snaps her stare away, trying not to look because it breaks her heart that he’s not hers. He never was, it seems.
Screw this.
She ends the small talk with Roan and resigns to feeling crap for the entire party. What’s the point in trying to push it away? The night goes on, the countdown grows closer and all Clarke has accomplished is getting a little more drunk while ignoring Bellamy to her full ability. The worst thing is, he’s ignoring her too. Maybe she wanted him to talk to her, to ask her why she cut him out and finished their arrangement. Maybe she’s hoping he will so that she can tell him how in love with him she is while she has a boost of alcohol in her veins.
That wouldn’t be fair though, not to him and not to Echo.
It’s nearing midnight when Clarke finds herself standing in the hallway, chatting to Harper. Bellamy comes marching down the stairs and Clarke stiffens, tensing every muscle in her body. As he turns the corner to come into the kitchen, she naively hopes that he’ll say something to her now that he absolutely has to pass her in such a narrow space. She slightly leans into him as he’s passing, out of pure and utter habit. The smell of his cologne is captivating and nostalgia bursts her heart open at the familiar scent, enveloping her in its talons.
He keeps walking though, barely meeting her eye and squeezing by her with a polite "excuse me". Clarke’s heart falls into her stomach because acting like they don’t know one another is worse than any confrontation. They were never like this - he was her best friend. That’s what she gets for ignoring him - she can’t really expect him to strike up a conversation with her when she pretended he didn’t exist for eight months.
"That was awkward," Harper mumbles, not unkind but noticing the energy between the two of them immediately.
Clarke just clenches her jaw and tries to control her breathing. She feels so guilty and terrible for the way she’s handled this entire thing. She should have been brave, told him how she felt and if he didn’t feel the same - well at least she would have tried. At least he’d understand why she cut him out of her life after that - he’d understand how painful it is to be around him knowing how in love with him she is and how he didn’t feel the same way back. He must have felt so confused after they agreed to be just friends only to have Clarke pretend like he was never in her life to begin with.
After a beat, Echo comes down the stairs and strides straight out the front door with her phone in her hand. Clarke figures she’s gone to make a call so she uses the opportunity to get out of the hallway before she comes back. It’s not that she thinks Echo knows anything, because even if she did, Bellamy sleeping with Clarke had nothing to do with Echo at the time. All the same, she feels wrong even saying hello to Echo when Clarke feels the way she does about her boyfriend.
While Harper follows Echo out to the front garden, Clarke decides she's going to find Raven and tell her that she's ditching this party. There's no point in staying. The kitchen is filled with the drunken ramblings and slurred words of college students. Bottles and empty cups of alcohol litter the entire place and the music is still pumping, so Clarke figures everyone is having a great time. Everyone except her.
Standing on her tiptoes, Clarke searches for Raven in the seemingly endless sea of people.
Her heart skips a couple of beats when her eyes land on her friend, who is gesturing to Bellamy with her hands as she explains something. Bellamy’s jaw is clenched, ticking as he focuses on Raven’s words but he’s staring at the floor. It doesn’t look like a friendly conversation and Clarke knows immediately that it’s about her.
Goddamn it, Raven.
There’s a fair chance she’s telling him that Clarke is still struggling to move on from their arrangement and Clarke will absolutely die from embarrassment if that’s the case. Drunk Raven is too honest, and that is never good. She would be doing it out of concern for Clarke and really, Clarke would do the same thing if she had to watch Raven be so miserable all the time. But right now, she can't be thankful for her friend's intention to try and fix things - not when Clarke is in the thick of this horrible situation.
Turning on her heel, Clarke finds herself pushing through the crowd because she has to get out. Her chest is tight and a panic attack feels imminent - how can she face him after that? How can she be in the one place with him knowing that he knows how pathetic she is for feeling this way? This wasn't their deal.
Swinging open the front door, Clarke relishes in the cold air that flows into her lungs. There’s a few people dotted around the garden, making out or chatting loudly in their drunken haze. Harper and Echo are nowhere to be seen, so Clarke figures they've slipped back inside during her time in the kitchen. The night is clear and the house lights illuminate the garden enough until she can make it to the road. Laughter fills her ears as she watches her classmates swing sparklers around, fizzling and slicing the air in an array of designs.
Clarke marches down the path, ignoring the countdown that has begun. Snippets of memories burst through her mind as she walks, almost counting each step along with her.
"Ten!"
Bellamy is laughing in her dorm at some joke she told, his white smile making the edges of his eyes crinkle in amusement. He’s leaning back against her bed with his knees pulled up to his chest, falling slightly to the side as he chuckles.
"Nine!"
They’re all sitting on the grass outside college, drinking cans of soda and wishing the summer exams away. Clarke’s head is on Bellamy’s lap and he’s playing with her hair, tingles running wildly through her body at each stroke.
"Eight!"
Bellamy’s lips are on her neck and Clarke opens her eyes, watching the man she loves worship her through the muted darkness. She never wants this moment to end.
"Seven!"
"I can’t do this anymore, Bellamy," she’s telling him. Bellamy shoves a handful of his curls from his face, his other hand resting on his hip as he nods. He’s staring at the ground like it’s the most interesting thing in the world.
"Yeah, I get it."
"I just think it’s better if we just go back to being friends, quit while we’re ahead before it gets complicated," Clarke murmurs, her leg tapping ferociously as she sits on her bed.
Bellamy shrugs. "It’s fine, Princess. I don’t care."
"Six!"
Clarke is crying for the millionth time this week. Raven is rubbing her hair, trying to fix this because that’s what Raven is built for - fixing things.
"You could just try telling him how you feel."
"No, I can't."
"Five!"
"Come on, it’ll be fun. Monty said there’s not many people going."
"Monty always says that." Clarke rolls her eyes, trying to get back to typing out her latest assignment as Raven bugs her to go to the New Years party. "Then it ends up like Project X."
"Four!"
Bellamy passes through the hallway of Monty’s house, following his gorgeous girlfriend into the kitchen. He doesn’t even see Clarke.
"Three!"
Clarke’s breathing is heavy, watching Bellamy come down the stairs. He passes her without so much as a glance in her direction.
"Two!"
"Listen to me!" Clarke hears Raven shout at Bellamy over the music and chatter of students. Bellamy clenches his jaw and closes his eyes. "You don’t understand why…"
"One!"
Fireworks erupt in the sky and they bring Clarke back to reality. Tears are streaming down her face and she regrets ever agreeing to go to that party, ever agreeing to Bellamy’s dares, ever agreeing to become his friend at all.
Nothing is worth this pain.
Absolutely nothing.
The banging on Clarke’s door brings her round. She’s still a little drunk but when she checks her phone, it’s 2am and she has about ten missed calls from Raven, probably wondering where the hell she went.
She caught a cab back to her dorm but she should have at least text Raven to tell her that she was going home. She imagines that Raven has been worried about her. Groaning, Clarke gets up and pulls her sleep shorts down from where they rose up in sleep. Her makeup is gone from the cold shower she took when she got back, anything to help quench the burn of heartache in her chest.
The banging comes in a steady rhythm, the owners fist barely off the wood before coming back down on it again. Raven is definitely pissed and Clarke readies herself for a lecture.
"Alright, alright!" Clarke says as she rushes to her door, expecting to see Raven's sour expression staring back at her when she pulls it open.
Nothing prepares her for the sight that meets her.
Bellamy is leaning his forearm against her door frame, the side of his fist still in the air from where it was hitting her door. He doesn’t look drunk, just tired - emotionally exhausted if anything. His dark curls are a hot mess and he’s still in his henley, looking cold without any coat.
"Bellamy?" she breathes in surprise, unsure what the hell he’s doing here.
He looks so out of place at her dorm, odd from the eight months spent away from it. Clarke’s heart is jumping wildly and she’s almost certain that Bellamy can see it. She wonders momentarily if something is wrong, if he’s coming to tell her that something happened to Raven. She shouldn’t have left her there.
He meets her eye, barely holding it for five seconds before straightening himself and taking her face between his hands. Clarke swallows her shock when his lips crash into hers, melting her instantly. It’s familiar and safe as he deepens the kiss, his thumb caressing her cheek as he does so. Her own personal fireworks explode within her chest, relishing in a kiss that she thought would never happen again.
"Happy New Year, Princess," he says breathlessly when they break apart.
Clarke still has her eyes closed, afraid that if she opens them it will shatter the dream. There’s no way she’s still asleep, though. This is too vivid and too good to ever be created by her mind. When she opens them, his beautiful brown eyes are staring back at her, reminding her of that night when he comforted her over her dad.
"Bellamy," she whispers, unsure of what else to do or say. He drops his hands slowly from her face and she immediately misses the contact.
"I ended things with Echo," he tells her, completely unaware of how that one simple sentence makes Clarke’s heart blow up. "I couldn’t…" Bellamy stutters. He steps back slightly, scrubbing his face with his hand. "I thought I was okay - I mean, when you ended things, I thought…" he sighs, seemingly resigning to the fact that he can’t seem to find the words. "When I saw you tonight, I realised I couldn’t keep lying to myself anymore - telling myself I don’t care when I do. I need you , Clarke."
Clarke is starting to think her knees will give out and she considers pinching herself, because this can’t be happening. It’s starting to make sense though - Echo leaving and Bellamy’s cold demeanour when he came downstairs. He obviously had finished it between the two of them upstairs.
"I was so angry at you for leaving," he explains. "I don’t want to feel that way anymore."
Clarke’s eyes soften, creasing in remorse because shit, she wants to tell him so much but her voice hasn’t returned to her yet.
"I didn’t have the courage to tell you how I felt back then and I just thought if you wanted to keep our relationship strictly platonic, I’d just settle for being your friend," he admits. "But then you ignored me and cut me out - I thought I did something and you didn’t even have the decency to tell me so I could fix it."
"Bellamy," Clarke croaks, about to explain but he continues talking.
"Then I spoke to Raven tonight," he says, his voice low and shiver inducing. Clarke shuts her eyes, sighing through her nose because what the hell did Raven tell him? "You weren’t exactly honest with me either, were you Princess?"
When Clarke opens her eyes, Bellamy is already watching her. His gaze flicks across her features, his hair falling over his forehead in the most alluring way.
"No." She says her first word that isn’t his name since he arrived at her door. "I wasn’t."
"I love you," he tells her after taking a breath, startling her with his bluntness. "And I know you love me. Right?"
Clarke’s heart almost jumps out of her chest at those words, tingles shooting up and down her skin. She leans into him like being pulled by gravity, resting her forehead against his chest.
"I do," she admits against his henley. "I love you so much."
Bellamy sighs almost in relief like he might have thought he was wrong. He wraps his arms around her like he finally has permission and kisses the top of her head.
"Then do me a favour?" he whispers and Clarke’s brow furrows, her heart stuttering in her chest at what he could say here. When she looks up at him from under her lashes, he smirks. "Don’t ever leave me again."
Clarke chuckles as a stray tear spills from her eye. He wipes it away with his palm before tipping her chin up with his fingers and bringing his lips down onto hers once more. Bellamy kisses her deeper than before, spilling all of those eight months of loneliness without each other into it.
Closing the dorm room door behind them, Clarke knows he’ll never have to worry about her leaving him - she won’t make that mistake twice. Turns out all that pain was worth it after all. She’d do it time and time again if this was what was waiting at the end of it.
It was worth everything. He’s worth everything.
Absolutely everything.