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The milky planet of Vormir is something Bellamy can hardly believe he’s looking at. From a window of a spaceship, after time travelling.
It’s safe to say he’s never had a weirder day than this one.
Vormir looks dead, lifeless like the moon they can see from Earth. The only sign of anything going on down there is the red smoke erupting from one side of the planet. It looks ominous to say the least. In the background, just a little out of their vision point, a sun can be seen hiding. The eclipse over it doesn’t seem to be moving though, just covering the scorching fireball in a constant state of darkness.
"Wow," Clarke breathes out beside him. Bellamy inhales deeply, taking comfort in her presence. When all else fails, he still has Clarke. That and his shield.
He grips the metal around his arm a little tighter, like a second limb. Whatever lies ahead of them, it’s not gonna be easy. Retrieving the soul stone sounds simple in theory - not so much in reality. Nobody knows how Thanos retrieved it but Bellamy can only imagine that it wasn’t given to him as easy as a retail transaction. But with Clarke beside him, he’s sure they’ll manage. Together.
He glances at his best friend, letting his fingers brush the back of her hand to ground him. As much as he needs his shield, he needs her more - she does a far better job at keeping him levelled than it does. They lock eyes and she gives him a smile, one that Bellamy knows is weak. She’s nervous.
Her short blonde hair, cropped to her chin, drapes her in a veil of fierceness. She always appears confident, sure of herself, positive that the goodness of the world will prevail. But Bellamy knows her better than anyone, better than she even knows herself and he knows that this mission is making her falter. The unquestionable certainty that she normally has is cracking - they might not pull this off.
If they don’t, the world will remain in its state of nothingness. People will still be gone, vanished like dust in the wind, and nothing will ever be the same. They are doing this for the human race, for their people - and they have to win.
Stepping out onto Vormir, Bellamy’s breath gets stuck in his chest. The air smells salty here, almost smoke tinged. It’s nothing like the sweet taste of Earth that he is so used to - something he definitely took for granted. Purple and red hues paint the sky, making it impossible to decipher if it’s actually day or night here. On top of that, a large mountain lies before them, looking just as evil as the planet they’re on. The eclipsed sun is more visible from the ground, appearing more like a hole burned into paper by a cigarette.
"Not exactly a feel good planet," Clarke mutters, glancing around.
"Let’s make our time here short lived," he tells her as they set off walking towards the mountain top.
Bellamy’s dark curls blow in the heavy wind of the planet, making the dust from the ground dance around their boots. Clarke grips her gun a little tighter, a move Bellamy again notes is from nerves. It should shock him how much he knows about her, how much attention he pays to her but he doesn’t even realise he’s doing it. He watches the way she moves in a fight, studies her expressions when she’s feeling sad or hurt or angry, memorises everything in case he needs it to save her life later.
Being part of the Avengers isn’t exactly an easy job and it definitely isn’t something they might return home from at the end of the day - so he has to be on guard. That’s why he knows her so well. That’s the reason he’s so close with her. That’s what he tells himself.
In reality, it's because he's in love with her.
"You good, Cap?" Clarke pants a little as the air thins out. "Bet Murphy didn’t have to climb a mountain."
Bellamy huffs out a laugh at this. No, Murphy would make sure he didn’t draw the short straw here. It’s getting colder the higher they climb, something akin to snow scattering around their feet as they approach the top.
Clarke stumbles a little on one of the rocks, causing her to grab hold of Bellamy’s bicep to stop herself from falling. His heart jumps at the contact, like it always does with her, ever since she kissed him that day in the mall. Yeah, they were undercover and trying to avoid being detected - but damn, he hadn’t had a kiss like that in centuries. Literally.
He might not have realised he was in love with Clarke before then, but he certainly knew the second her lips connected with his. She took him by complete surprise - both with the kiss and how it felt. Her lips were soft but demanding, summoning him to her very existence. He never wanted to breathe again. Of course it was just an act for her, but for him, it changed everything. And he’s yearned for another moment like that ever since.
He’s supposed to be the strongest man, genetically designed like that, and yet he feels weak when he’s next to her. His best friend, the woman he loves.
"Welcome," a voice booms, dark and echoing around them.
Instincts on point, Bellamy’s shield is out in front of him as quick as Clarke has her gun pointed in the direction of the sound source. A draped shadow floats around the corner of the mountain rocks, faceless and cloaked in darkness.
"Clarke, daughter of Jake. Bellamy, son of Ivan," the figure addresses them, making Bellamy’s heart drop. He knows who they are.
"Who are you?" Clarke asks evenly, taking a couple of steps forward.
Bellamy matches his in time with hers, sticking close to her. If she’s in any danger here, he won’t hesitate to act. The wind is blowing harshly around them, specks of snow almost cutting them like glass shards.
"Consider me a guide. To you and to all who seek the soul stone."
"Oh, good." Clarke cocks her gun a little. "You tell us where it is and then we’ll be on our way."
They can’t leave here without it - it just isn’t an option. Each Avenger is currently in search of their own assigned infinity stone, all to prevent them from falling into the hands of Thanos. All to change the past because they know the tragedy of what happened. Half the human race - gone. Wells, Monty, Clarke’s mom, Jasper…Octavia.
Bellamy clenches his fist beside his hip. They can’t fail. This whole plan, it needs to work. He needs it to work. They need the stone.
"If only it were that easy," the voice states, stepping out into the light. The shadows fall away, revealing a face that Bellamy had long forgotten. Cage Wallace, the Red Skull. His burnt face, deformed and unkindly, remains the same. Ageless despite the bounds of time, cruel despite the lessons learned.
"How are you here?" Bellamy growls, making Clarke’s eyes snap to his side profile. She wasn’t even alive when Bellamy faced the nazi’s, faced this man who lead the charge. She has no idea of their history.
"The Tesseract brought me here, doomed me to a life of guarding the soul stone," Cage tells him. "I can never acquire it for myself, meaning I am trapped."
"Why can’t you acquire it?" Clarke asks the question on Bellamy’s mind, the wind blowing locks of her hair over her eyes.
Bellamy doesn’t like this - something feels off and his heart is doing overtime. He grips his shield a little tighter, wishing it were Clarke’s hand.
"What you seek lies before you." Cage points to the cliff edge behind them, ignoring the question completely. The fog up here mixes in almost beautifully with the red glow of the eclipsed sun but Bellamy can’t really appreciate it. When they look back, nothing but rock and a sharp drop can be seen from where they stand. "As is what you fear."
"The stone is down there," Clarke breathes, shoulders squared in anticipation as she peers over the ledge.
Bellamy’s tongue feels too big for his mouth, the oxygen almost burning his throat as he tries to catch his breath. This isn’t gonna be easy and the weighted pressure of this mission is taking its toll. This is their only choice - failing is not an option. They can’t return home to their year without the stone.
"For one of you." Cage delivers the ultimate blow, causing Bellamy to shift his gaze from the massive drop over the mountain to Cage. One of them? "For the other…in order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love."
This time, Bellamy's eyes snap to Clarke. She looks to him too, despair and grief already in her blue eyes. If he wasn’t so wrapped up in what it might mean, he’d wonder why Clarke looked to him at that sentence too.
"An everlasting exchange." Cage’s voice echoes around them. "A soul for a soul."
Bellamy’s throat constricts along with his heart. No. Only one of them is going home.
Clarke looks back over the cliff’s edge, bending down onto her hunkers as if to get a better look. She’s processing, doing the same thing Bellamy is doing. Trying to come up with another way, any other way to get the stone. To cheat the inevitable.
Bellamy checks over his shoulder to reveal that Cage has disappeared, returned to the shadows now that he has given them the secret. The key to retrieving what they both came all this way for. He now knows why Cage was placed in charge of the stone - sacrificing a soul that you love to acquire it. The only person Cage loves is himself.
One thing Bellamy knows for certain is that he’s not sacrificing Clarke. No way in hell. He’ll be the one to go, not that Clarke will let him go easy. That doesn’t matter though, it will never be her. They’ve been through so much together and he’s so fucking in love with her.
The first day he saw her, it was on a ship in the middle of the ocean. She had red hair then but the same look in her eyes as she wears today - the same beauty etched into every feature of her. She spoke to him confidently, teased him about Captain America trading cards and tied an invisible rope around him, binding him to her from that day on. She’s nothing short of incredible and she still takes his breath away every damn day.
He knows her history, knows she’s not proud of it. Knows of her time as an assassin in Budapest and everything else she shared with him one night when they fell asleep in Raven’s spare bedroom together, partied out after the last time they saved the world. It seems like a lifetime ago now.
She can’t die today, that’s a decision he can make without putting much thought into it. He glides down beside her onto his hunkers now too, stroking his bottom lip with his thumb as he stares down into the abyss. Down to his imminent death.
"Maybe he’s making this shit up," Clarke mutters, her voice sounding odd after the long bout of silence between the two of them. The wind blows her hair around her face so much that she has to use her fingers to pry it away from her features.
"No," Bellamy mumbles. "I don’t think so."
"Why? Cause he knows our daddies names?" Clarke scoffs. She’s in denial - anything to stop this from being true.
"I didn’t," Bellamy states. It’s true - he never knew his father and yet, Cage was able to tell him. "Thanos left here with the stone - and without his daughter. That’s not a coincidence, Clarke."
She stands up abruptly, starting into a pace behind Bellamy. He wants to reach out for her, pull her against him and promise her it will be okay. That she’ll make it back, that they’ll reverse this horrible thing that's happened to their world and the Avengers will prevail. He believes in them, knows all of them have it in them to succeed - he just wishes he was gonna be there to see it.
"Whatever it takes," he says instead, standing now to face her.
He can’t pull her into him because he’s not sure he’d ever sacrifice himself if he did that - he’d be more than content to live here on Vormir forever with her, held against him like that for the rest of their days. Screw everyone else, just the two of them. He can’t do that, though. He can’t be selfish.
"Whatever it takes," she echoes. "We don’t get that stone, billions of people stay dead."
That’s the reality of it. That’s the truth of their situation right now. They can’t ignore their responsibilities - it’s up to them. His heart is pounding in his chest, a soft numbness pouring through his body.
"Then I guess we both know who its gotta be," he says softly, trying not to let his voice break. This is really goodbye, the end of them before they could even begin. He would do anything for more tomorrows, more chances to finally tell her how he feels and have the opportunity to prove it.
"I guess we do," she almost whispers and he can’t stop himself anymore.
He reaches for her hand, glad when she tangles her fingers around his. Their eyes lock on one another, blue to brown, the head to the heart. Electricity soars through him and it’s easy to differentiate from the adrenaline of knowing he’s about to die. The adrenaline makes his heart thump - Clarke makes it skip.
Somewhere along their eye contact, he realises that it’s not grief or sadness for losing a friend in her eyes - it’s acceptance. The same look that’s reflecting off of his own. When she squeezes his hand, it feels like goodbye and he just knows. There’s no way of really explaining it - sometimes, often in tense situations, he can just look at Clarke and almost read what she’s thinking. Just like now.
Bellamy furrows his brow a little, confusion and understanding inhibiting his brain space at the same time.
"I’m starting to think we mean different people here, Princess." He smirks, a little disbelief in his humour because she can’t be seriously considering this. Still, he knows Clarke and deep down, he knows she wants to be the one to go. He should have presumed it from the beginning. Not happening.
She sighs out a breath through her nose. "For the last five years, I’ve been trying to do one thing. Get to right here, get to a point where I could actually do something to change what has happened. Bring everybody back." She pierces him with her eyes, fully assured in what she’s saying like the Clarke he knows so well.
"Don’t you get all decent on me now." He tries to joke with her but it falls flat. Too much is at stake here - he’s not letting her do this.
"You think I wanna do it?" She gives him a watery smile. "I’m trying to save your life, you idiot."
"Yeah well I don’t want you to, how’s that?" Bellamy says huskily, his voice a low rumble. "I deserve this. You know what I did when I lost her…"
Clarke’s eyes dip in pity, memories washing over them both of how Bellamy took on a mission after Octavia vanished. A mission that ended in the accidental deaths of 300 people. Soldiers, like him - because of him. Like preserving life wasn’t important enough after Thanos’ actions.
"I don’t judge people on their worst mistakes," Clarke tells him, certain in that too. She knows what he went through more than anyone, knows that he still considers himself a monster, knows how often she had to sew him back together because she’s the only one that could.
"Maybe you should," he replies, voice breaking now because he can’t stop the emotions bubbling inside his chest. He feels completely numb, like the panic is frying his nerve endings.
"You didn’t."
Bellamy flicks his eyes to hers again, pinpointing the exact moment in time that she’s transported herself to. Budapest, to a very different Clarke who assassinated too many people than she wants to think about. A time before S.H.I.E.L.D, a time before them.
"Clarke-" he tries to say but she interrupts him, cutting him off with the one sentence that would have a chance of changing his mind.
"Think about Octavia."
It feels like a punch to his gut. His sister - the girl who he did everything to protect. The girl who admired him, fought beside him, loved him more than anyone else in his life. She’s lost because of Thanos, gone with the wind like pollen from a flower. Scarlet Witch may have been her name in the Avengers, but to Bellamy, she was just Octavia. Time couldn’t touch her, she was ageless and seemingly invincible until Thanos clicked his fingers. It wasn’t something Bellamy ever prepared himself for.
Fair play to Clarke, because if Bellamy didn’t love Clarke the way he does, he’d actually consider letting her do this. His sister means more to him than life itself - and she needs Bellamy. He has to be there for her, has to protect her when she finally comes back because they will triumph in their mission.
But that’s where Clarke has underestimated Bellamy. She doesn’t realise how he feels about her, how much he loves her, how many times he’d give his life for her. She thinks that he’d want to stay around for his sister more than keeping her alive. No chance. Not Clarke.
This is his window and he needs to use it because the only way he’s taking Clarke’s defences down is if he’s tactical, smart - he needs to make her believe that he’s letting her do this long enough to trick her. He loves his sister but Clarke will look after her with as much passion as Bellamy would have. And Octavia will understand why he had to do this. The girl in front of him? Not so much.
Tears are threatening to overflow in Clarke’s eyes now and Bellamy has to swallow the thick lump that’s growing in the back of his throat. How has everything come down to this moment? She thinks he’s actually considering it, thinks he’s battling with himself about letting her die because he really wants to be here for Octavia. She has no idea that the only battle he’s waging with himself is how long to bide his time for, how long to play the act.
"You’re a pain in my ass, you know that?" he says, emotion bursting behind the sentence, hiding everything he really wants to say. I’m doing this and you’re going to hate me for it.
Clarke huffs out a watery laugh, slowly nodding her head. He leans forward, figuring he has nothing left to lose here and presses his forehead to hers. Clarke’s eyes flutter shut, her weight resting against Bellamy’s head as they let the magnitude of the situation surround them. This is it.
Without putting any more thought into the action, he leans forward a little further and touches a light kiss against her lips - almost testing, in case she doesn’t want it. Clarke quenches any doubts he has when she pulls him into her, deepening the kiss like it will be her last. He won’t let it be - she’ll go on and have a million more with someone she loves but this is Bellamy’s only chance, his only kiss with the one for him.
It’s heavier than their ‘undercover’ kiss, pulled down with emotion and loss and heartache all at once. Yet, Bellamy thinks he will die happy after it. The scent of her fills him as his fingers feel the skin beneath her jawline, holding onto her like an anchor. He’d give away every infinity stone for just one more day with Clarke Griffin and the thought is a little frightening. The lengths he’d go for this girl. He'd do anything for her - till the end of the line.
The end of their moment comes too soon and Clarke’s eyes are still closed when they break apart.
"Okay, Princess." He sighs and she looks at him, something in her eyes that he doesn’t understand. She looks heartbroken. "You win."
There’s a brief moment where she buys it, giving him a small accepting smile as she prepares herself for her death. If she had any idea how Bellamy sees her, how much he loves her, she would know that he would never let that happen. Ignorance is on his side and he uses his disguise so well, to the point that she doesn’t know his plan until he clenches his jaw and knocks her feet out from underneath her with a quick swipe of his leg.
Clarke lands on the ground with a thump, the wind knocking from her lungs with a grunt. She stares up at him wide eyed, the truth of the situation catching up to her all too quickly. She was always a quick study.
"Tell Octavia I love her," he instructs, standing over Clarke for a brief second before he’s running towards the edge of the cliff.
He barely gets two feet away when he’s knocked to the ground, the hard gravel scraping at the skin on his face as Clarke pushes him down. The adrenaline in his veins is soaring through him, the desperation to win this battle pulsating like never before.
"Tell her yourself," he hears through the ringing in his ears and the panic within him surges up once more.
He’s on his feet in two seconds flat, a little dazed but with it enough to see Clarke sprinting towards the drop. In one fluid movement, Bellamy throws his shield and like always, it hits its target. Clarke drops from the force of it, crashing onto the rough terrain below their feet. The cold wind intensifies, like it’s preparing them for this moment, like the stone is calling for a soul. He wastes no time in darting off again, keeping his eyes on the girl he loves as he races past her.
"Bellamy!" she screams, eyes locked on his body as he makes a jump.
The next few seconds are a blur, his heart in his mouth as he sees the drop in front of him. There seems to be no bottom to the fall, a mysterious death looming before him. Still, he feels happy. Happy that it's him and not Clarke.
The joy doesn’t last long when he feels Clarke’s arms come around the back of his neck mid-air, mid-fall with him. No!
She shoots a line out, hooking into the mountain side. They fall for a few feet before the line pulls, snapping them both into place and tethering them to life. It draws a grunt from him as their free fall snaps to a close, leaving them both floating in mid-air. It takes him a couple of seconds to catch up with what’s happening.
Bellamy’s breathing is coming in bursts as he realises that he’s ended up hooked by his waist to the line, draping him against the side of the mountain because Clarke has made sure to secure him during their fall. She, on the other hand, is hanging by her arm from Bellamy and he thanks every deity out there that he had enough sense of self to grasp her before she fell.
She’s too vulnerable. As strong as Bellamy is, he doesn’t think he can pull them both to safety without her co-operation. The climb to the top is too far from here and Clarke is definitely not going to comply. He feels her slip a little and his fingers close around her arm even tighter. He won’t let her go.
"You idiot," he breathes, tears threatening to escape from his eyes now.
Clarke stares up at him, eyes wide as she takes him in. There’s nothing below her but a dense fog. A sure death. Snow blows around their faces but Bellamy barely feels it now, nothing but a burning panic under his skin.
"It’s okay." She smiles and that’s the worst of all - the acceptance. This can’t happen.
"It’s not okay!" he snaps, furious with her for doing that.
He had been so close and it would have been the right thing to do. She would have been okay. Tiny noises escape him as he tries to keep her alive - one arm shaking as he holds himself to the wire, the other trembling as he holds onto her. His heart falls into his stomach when she starts wiggling her fingers because Bellamy knows she’s trying to detach herself.
"No, wait," he says quickly, gripping her tighter. She can’t do this. "Please, please don’t."
This is what Bellamy has resorted to now. Begging. Because what else can he do? He’s desperate.
"Let me go," Clarke says softly, her blue eyes scanning his face.
It’s in that moment that Bellamy realises he has to - either that or they both die and everybody they care about stays dead. This whole mission will have been for nothing, their deaths will have been for nothing. His face crumples, giving way to the tears that spring freely from his eyes now.
"No." He cries quietly, still not able to allow himself to give up out loud.
His eyes fall shut, unable to look at her face anymore. He’ll live in denial for as long as he can. When he feels Clarke’s fingers curl around his arm, he opens his eyes in the hope that maybe she is willing to let him pull her up. One look at her face, however, just tells him that she’s trying to comfort him.
"Hey," she whispers, almost lost in the wind. He watches her give him a small smile, tears flowing from her own eyes now too. "I love you."
Bellamy’s heart almost gives out. They’re dangling from a mountain edge, close to death and Clarke decides to tell him the three words he yearned to hear from her for years. This can’t be the end, he needs more. He needs more time with her.
"Then let me pull you up," he commands, voice hard from the desperation.
He wants to say it back but if he does, it signifies the end and it can’t be. They’ll figure out another way to get the soul stone - there has to be another way. Though he knows deep down that if there was, they would have thought of it while standing on top of the mountain. Clarke knows that too.
"Tell me you love me." She ignores him and Bellamy lets out a sob. "Even if you don’t, just tell me."
God, he does. He loves her so much. He’ll never get this out of his head - the look of peace on her pure face, the way her eyes search his for the last thing she wants to hear. His heart is splintering against his ribcage and pain radiates through him.
"Let me save you!" He tries one last time, turning to heave himself up with the line. His stomach does a somersault when he feels Clarke shift and when he snaps his gaze back to her, she has her foot pressed against the mountain side in order to propel herself away from him.
"Clarke!"
His fingers almost pierce her skin with how tightly he’s holding onto her. She’s going to go, there’s nothing Bellamy can do so the words spill out of his mouth uncontrollably because she has to know.
"I love you," he rushes out and she freezes, staring at him like a deer caught in the headlights. "And I’m not just saying it because you want me to. I’ve loved you for so long, I can’t remember what it feels like not to. I’m so fucking in love with you so believe me when I tell you that I can’t do this without you. Please, please don’t leave me."
He’s crying harder than he ever has, the desperation transparent in his tone from miles away. Clarke just gazes at him sadly, tears falling from her eyes.
"Just give me a chance. We can work this out," he begs, his arm practically convulsing from the pressure of holding onto her. "Please, I love you."
The silence stretches out between them for what feels like hours and Clarke’s eyes stay on his. There’s a brief moment of hope, a moment where he actually thinks she’ll agree with him and let him lift them both to safety. Then they can work something out, even if it feels impossible right now. That’s what they do - they always find a way. Together.
"May we meet again," she utters. Bellamy doesn’t get time to react before Clarke is pushing herself off the mountain and out of his grasp.
"NO!" he roars, watching the love of his life fall and fall and fall until she’s gone from his sight.
A loud bang of thunder erupts in the sky and a light follows after it but all Bellamy can hear is the thump of his heart. His vision blurs and he's not sure if its from the light or from his tears but all he can think about is the empty feeling in his hand, mirroring the one in his heart.
Nothing else matters now.
She’s gone.
The sequence of events after Clarke’s death were a blur.
Bellamy remembers waking in the shallow pool of water beside their spaceship, sitting upright with the beautiful, yellow stone in his palm. A symbol of Clarke’s sacrifice, a reminder of Bellamy’s loss. He had slapped his hand into the water, a vicious cry of anguish erupting from his chest and spreading in echoes across Vormir.
It didn’t feel real. Not yet.
He doesn’t remember the journey back to their year, to the room where the rest of the Avengers were waiting with smiles on their faces because each of them retrieved their stone. Bellamy only vaguely recalls Raven approaching him, her smile wide as she takes off her iron suit.
"You got the stone?"
Bellamy thinks he nodded. His expression was blank, emotionless, numb.
"Where’s Clarke?" Murphy asked, scanning the room for their companion.
Bellamy couldn’t form words, couldn’t tell their friends that Clarke was dead. They must have figured it out because Bellamy remembers hearing some gasps, some crying and feeling Raven and Murphy holding him up as his strength left him and he collapsed to the ground. Not something that he thought would ever happen to the famous Captain America.
The battle with Thanos was the biggest blur. Bellamy had been so overcome with anger that through the entire fight, he just focused on defeating the thing that made all of this possible. The brute that made her death necessary. Clarke was his motivation and he really felt like vengeance would be his redemption. It wasn’t until Thanos fell and everyone rejoiced at the return of their loved ones that Bellamy really felt it.
He sank to his knees, a feeling filling him that he couldn’t tame or control. They had done it. They saved everyone. The Avengers prevailed and the world was right again, except Bellamy’s wasn’t. Even when Octavia skidded on her knees in front of him, wrapping her arms around his neck as she squeezed him close. She’s alive - but Clarke isn’t. How could life do that to him? He has done so much right for the world, despite his mistakes.
She would have loved to see this. Watch Raven and Murphy and the others hug their loved ones, hug her own. Watch the world become right again, void of the evil that shrouded it because of Thanos. Her bright blue eyes would have found Bellamy in the crowd and maybe she would have ran to him, fell over herself over his battle wounds like she always did. Maybe she would have kissed him again and he’d tell her that he loves her. And the world would really be right.
The magnitude of his loss hit him then. He would never see her again.
It’s no surprise to anyone that he hasn’t been the same since returning from Vormir. Bellamy spends most of his time staring out the window of their Headquarters, thoughts filled with ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’. He needs this time to grieve and he’s not really sure how long it will take. How do you get over the love of your life sacrificing themselves for you? For the fate of mankind?
Admirable, sure. Brave, of course. Painful - beyond belief.
It’s been three months since Thanos was defeated and Bellamy finds himself staring out the same familiar window, his beard overgrown in his lack of effort for self preservation. It’s just past noon when Octavia bursts into the room, a little out of breath.
"Bell, Raven is here to see you."
"Not today," he mumbles, barely acknowledging his sister in the room.
There’s a weight on his heart that seems never-ending and he finds it hard to focus, hard to see through the fog in his mind. All he can see is Clarke, her face before she dropped. Her admission of love rings in his ears and her death fills his dreams.
"Bellamy."
Bellamy’s eyes shift to his sister. Her posture is enough to give away how urgent this is, she’s tense and rigid - eyes wide and set on him. He furrows his brow, nodding slightly to signal that she can let Raven up. What’s wrong now?
Raven bursts into the room, her arms full of rolls of paper and maps. They fumble out of Raven’s hands onto the table in the centre of the room and she barely makes eye contact with Bellamy before she starts rambling. Bellamy eases himself out of his chair, sighing a little as he slowly makes his way over to the table. She’s babbling on about quantum mechanics and multiple timelines, her words coming out in quick speed in true Raven Reyes fashion when she has a brilliant idea. Which is most of the time, considering that she’s the brains behind the Avengers.
It’s hard for Bellamy to have an interest in anything right now. Lately, he likes losing himself in little moments - moments he hadn’t fully appreciated until now. Like Clarke falling asleep on his shoulder after hours of planning for a mission, or the way her hand would gently skim his before they’d jump out of a plane. How his heart would skip when she smiled at him, how her eyes would linger on his muscles after he worked out, how she’d run her fingers through her hair when she was stressed, how softly she would look at him when he’d make her a cup of tea.
Bellamy is staring at the table, watching Raven point at things while she explains them, but his mind is on Clarke. He’s thinking of the time when he shielded her from an explosion caused by her - because of a plan she kept from him, a secret mission she was assigned to within their mission by Kane. He remembers the way her voice sounded when the dust had settled and debris was falling all around them, the way she said "okay, that one’s on me." She had hidden her intentions, deliberately kept him in the dark about the whole thing. Bellamy had felt so betrayed and he remembers being so angry with her, like any of that crap matters now.
"So, if we do that and it all goes that exact way, maybe - just maybe, we can get her back." Raven’s voice drifts in and Bellamy’s eyes snap up, fully focused on her for the first time since she came into the room.
"What?"
"Clarke," Raven clarifies for him. "Did you hear a word I said, Blake?"
Bellamy is sure he’s gone pale. His heart has a newfound beat, an extra kick when it thumps. Is she saying what he thinks she’s saying? Why hadn't he been listening? If he knew the topic was about that, he would have been rushing Raven to get to the end so that he could understand how they were going to do this.
"There’s a way to get her back?" he whispers, his throat constricting around the words.
His nerve endings are alight with energy, simmering under his skin like an itch he can’t scratch. Raven merely smirks, the cocky expression plastered all over her face that he knows so well. Today is the only day that he’s in love with it. That brain of hers has come up with a way of getting the woman he loves back to him?
"Did you ever doubt me?"
Bellamy’s mouth is dry and he shifts on his feet, trying not to appear as light headed as he feels. His breathing is laboured and he has to calm himself down enough in order to question Raven further.
"How do we do this?"
Raven smiles, spreading out a time map across the table in order to prove her point, like Bellamy isn’t falling for this possibility with his whole heart already. She flicks her long, dark ponytail over her shoulder and leans forward, eyes burning with a sense of arrogance and excitement because damn it, they can bring Clarke home. Bellamy’s heart is on edge until Raven finally speaks, her voice full of certainty and assurance.
"How familiar are you with Budapest?"