Chapter Text
I enjoyed the meetings, too. It was like having friends.
~J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Five
You laugh at No-Good Tsuna whenever your friends do, and you don’t hang around him. Tsuna didn’t used to be so clumsy, but now that he is you can see why everyone calls him that name. No one wants to be his friend anymore, and neither do you.
He’s different and uncool. You can’t stand him.
But when he falls and cries, and you and your friends walk right past him, you feel bad for him, just a little.
Six
No-Good Tsuna crashes into you in the hall and makes you fall down hard with him. Angry, you yell at him and call him No-Good Tsuna while the kids watching laugh. He stammers an apology, but you don’t stay to listen to it.
Words
Mom sits you down for a talk after you rant about No-Good Tsuna getting you hurt. She asks questions about him and you tell her everything, how everyone calls him that and how he’s clumsy and stupid and how he has no friends. She asks about the teachers and you say that the teachers must think he’s no good too, otherwise they would help him more, right? Besides, poor teacher has to explain things more than once to get No-Good Tsuna to understand, and now she doesn’t stop at his desk as much to help him. No one likes No-Good Tsuna, not ever you!
But the sad look on Mom’s face makes you wonder if maybe you shouldn’t have said that.
She talks to you about how words can hurt. She tells you that you can throw a stone into the ocean, but will you ever know how deeply it sinks? Words can cause pain.
Words can make someone think that being dead is better than being alive.
She shows you a picture she gets from between the pages of an old book, and she says that the people in the picture are her and her brother. You didn’t know Mom had a brother!
“I used to, Kohaku, but words hurt him. He was my baby brother, and words…”
She touched the picture and her voice became low and shaky.
“Words killed him.”
Mom tried to not cry, but some tears slipped down her face anyway. She was quick to wipe them away, and she put the picture back into the pages of the book. Setting the book on her lap, she looked at you. Her eyes were still watery, and she asked if you understood.
You don’t know how words can kill someone, but you don’t want her to look so sad anymore. Plus, you don’t want to be the one to kill your classmate, even if he is annoying, so you nod.
“Good girl. I know you can’t make the other kids stop being mean to him, but you can stop being mean yourself, right?”
You could try.
Seven
You don’t call Tsunayoshi names anymore, but you don’t talk to him or stand up for him either.
To you, he’s just Sawada when you have to talk to him, but you do wish you didn’t have to see him around so often. It’s too bad that you live so close to each other and go to the same schools. This close proximity means that you see more of him than you’d like to.
You do correct your friends though, and say that he doesn’t live in a dumpster.
Saved
The pool is busy today, and there are a lot of people, so why… why doesn’t anyone do anything about Tsunayoshi who has gone under the surface and not come back up? Glancing to the poolside, you see that not even his own mother notices or cares.
The flailing from the boy beneath the water is getting slower, but you can’t bring yourself to call for the lifeguard since you don’t like bringing attention to yourself. Anxiously, you slide back into the pool and swim over before you duck under the water. Grabbing his arm, you pull Tsunayoshi back to the surface only to have him splutter and panic, clutching at you as he coughed. His grip is stronger than you thought it would be, and he’s stammering, begging you not to let go, and he’s holding on too tightly.
Somehow making it to the shallow end, you threw him off and shoved him back into the water. By the time he realized he could reach the bottom with his feet and stood up, you were already climbing out in a huff.
You don’t hear the meek ‘thank you’ that gets lost amid the rest of the noise in the area.
Eight
Your friends are leaving to get ice cream and you really want to go with them, but you have cleaning duty. Clutching a broom and pouting at them waving in the doorway, you don’t notice Tsunayoshi until he taps your hand. The action startles you and you glare at him, making him shrink in on himself.
“…can…at…you…”
You frowned and asked brusquely, “What? I can’t hear you.”
He swallowed nervously and raised his voice a little more. “I can do that for you.”
“Do what?”
He flinched and pointed at the broom in your hands. “I can take your cleaning duty.”
You stared in suspicion. “Why?”
He hasn’t looked at you once and continued to look at the floor. “For the pool. For s—helping me. As thanks.”
You don’t get it, but he’s offering to fill in for you, right? Ahh, but when does Tsunayoshi ever do a good job? Then again, you really want to go catch up to your friends.
Shoving the broom at him, you called over your shoulder, “You better clean up well, Sawada-kun!”
If he answered you, you didn’t hear.
Festival
The festival is underway and you’ve gotten separated from mom and dad, but that’s not scary yet since you know where the blanket is, and at worst, you’ll have to walk home by yourself. You have your little goldfish purse and some money, so you can still enjoy the festival by yourself for a little longer. Besides, being alone like this makes you feel like a big girl, and you won’t cry. You’re going to have some fun instead!
Seeing a stall selling shaved ice, you zero in on it in anticipation, but on your way there, you hear sniffling. Slowing down, you looked around and saw the source hiding in the shadows between a couple of game stalls. It’s Tsunayoshi!
Walking over and joining him in the shadows, you folded your arms in disapproval. “Why are you crying, Sawada? What are you, four?”
The boy hiccupped and wiped his face. “S-some big k-kids took my m-money, and I don’t kn-know where my mom is…”
You don’t know where your mom and dad are either, but at least no one stole your money. Yeah, you can see how that would make someone cry.
Sighing, you reached out for his other hand. “Well, come on. Your mom won’t find you if you stay in the dark like this.”
He tried to protest but you ignored him. First thing you need is something for him to drink since you always feel thirsty after crying. It’s strange how hard it is to find water, though, and you end up borrowing a canteen from the nice man selling juice. While Tsunayoshi is drinking the juice is bought for him, you pulled out your handkerchief and poured some water over one corner, taking care not to use too much. Giving it back to the man and thanking him, you turned your attention to your classmate.
“Here, let me see.”
Blinking confusedly, Tsunayoshi lowered his half-empty cup but startled when you dabbed at his face. He whined but you made him stand still as you cleaned his face. The last thing you did was make him finish his juice and then take your handkerchief to blow his nose. You wrinkled yours when he tried to hand it back to you and told him to keep it.
You didn’t take his hand again, but you sort of wish you did since he tripped and fell twice while still with you. Before finding his mom in the crowd, you ended up buying him shaved ice and takoyaki balls.
When he spotted his mom, he ran off without thanking you, and you sighed in annoyance. Whatever, he wasn’t your problem anymore.
Nine
You shouldn’t be surprised to see Tsunayoshi with his tongue frozen to a pole, and you aren’t. The crowd of kids laughing at him isn’t a surprise either. The actual surprise is how there aren’t any teachers investigating the commotion, not even the one who is supposed to be watching the gate today, whoever that’s supposed to be.
Rolling your eyes, you went inside the school and headed to the teacher’s lounge to let them know what was going on.
Obligation
There is a rule at school to not bring chocolates, but hardly anyone bothers to listen, and the teachers usually ignore it as long as no one fights. No one gives Tsunayoshi any chocolate, not even obligation chocolate, and the boys are mean to point it out to the whole class while the teacher is gone. You have obligation chocolates for all the boys, even him, but you aren’t brave enough to give it to him during school hours.
Instead, you follow him after school and wait until there’s no one else from class around before you call out to him. He yelps in surprise and spins around, but then he blinks in confusion when you hold out the small wrapping towards him. Mom always helps you make chocolate, and she bought cute little wrapping paper and ribbons for your obligation chocolates this year. Since all of them were the same, he recognized it as being the same as all the others that you handed out in class.
Shakily, he held out his hands and you dropped it into them. Closing his fingers over it, he looked at you.
“W-why-?”
Why didn’t you give it to him in class? If you had, then everyone would see that he wasn’t a loser!
You turned your head away.
“I’m not brave.”
You ran away.
Ten
It is Valentine’s Day again, and same as last year, you follow Tsunayoshi, but this year he scares you by waiting around a corner and popping into sight just a foot away.
“Ah-hah!”
“You—!”
Biting down the word ‘jerk’, you threw the chocolates at him. He yelped and tried to catch them, somehow managing to juggling them and drop them twice before getting a good grip on them. Sighing in relief, he stood up and smiled slightly.
“Thanks, Oyama-chan. I’ll give you cookies again on White Day.”
“Not at school.”
His shoulders slumped. “Y-yeah, I know.”
Average
There’s nothing special about you. You’re just an average daughter to average people, and an average student in school. Sometimes you think it would be cool to be rich and famous, and you daydream about becoming idols with your friends, but you deep down you know that achieving fame or riches is unlikely for someone like you.
Still, better to be average than to suffer the constant bad luck that plagues Tsunayoshi. Even after all this time, he’s still so clumsy and bad at school work.
He says you’re the closest thing he has to a friend, and the sad thing is that you know he’s right.
Eleven
Tsunayoshi misses school and because you live in the same neighborhood, teacher makes you take him his schoolwork. You don’t know why the teacher bothers when you suspect that he won’t do the worksheets, but you agree to deliver them.
Tsunayoshi’s mom is… sort of a scatterbrain. Her son is sick in bed, but she greets you with a smile like nothing is wrong. Maybe nothing is wrong and Tsunayoshi is finally becoming a shut-in, but you somehow doubt that. Sawada Nana invites you in for tea and you don’t want to, but you end up in her kitchen anyway.
“My son never has any friends to come visit, especially not any girls as cute as you.”
Your level of cuteness is a matter of debate. You’re not ugly, but you do know that there are girls in your class who are definitely cuter than you. Also, you’re not really his friend. Friends wouldn’t let friends get walked all over, or at least that’s what you believe.
However, when you finally manage to leave, you suspect that Sawada Nana is now operating under the misconception that you are friends with her son.
Oh boy.
Whine
Tsunayoshi drags you to a stairwell and demands to know what you did to make his mom think you were his friend. You tell him the truth, that you didn’t do anything besides drop off his schoolwork and couldn’t refuse her invitation for tea.
“Tea? Tea? All this is over tea?”
You watch in bemusement as Tsunayoshi clutched his head.
“All of what, Sawada-kun?”
He dropped his arms and whisper-yelled. “My mom expects you to come to my birthday! No one comes to my birthday!”
You nearly ask if he ever invited anyone before you bite that down because yes, you do remember that he used to give out invitations. No one ever went, and everyone had always laughed at the idea.
Shrugging, you mumbled, “I’ll come.”
He let out a long sigh. “My birthday is in October.”
“…It’s June.”
“Yeah, well, apparently she expects we’ll still be ‘friends’ by then.”
You could hear the quotation marks.
“We’re not friends. Just to clarify.”
“Yeah, I know.”
You both stood there for a moment before he turned to trudge up the stairs.
“I’ll still go. I mean, if I’m still alive, I’ll go, if you invite me.”
You aren’t looking at him, but you can see movement from the corner of your eyes. You think he’s looking back in your direction.
“Um… okay. I’ll let her know…”
He leaves and you fold your arms. You know the only reason that you’re nice to Tsunayoshi is because of Mom’s story, but would it really be a bad thing to actually be friends?
Twelve
Tsunayoshi tells you that his mom is worried that he missed your birthday since he wasn’t invited to a birthday party yet. To be fair, since his is in October and yours is in April, yeah, technically he did miss your birthday last year. However, with your birthday coming up (and you two have once again exchanged treats for Valentine’s Day and White Day), there was now the opportunity to invite him.
“But it’s a girl thing,” you said, frowning as he explained his dilemma.
He recoiled as though you said a dirty word. “Oh, I’ll just tell her that then.” He cocked his head. “It sounds real enough. Just because my birthday was mixed—“you both made a face, remembering that it had just been the two of you at his party”—doesn’t mean that a girl’s would be. Okay, I’ll tell her that your birthday party is just for girls.”
You thought that would be that, but he was sulking the next day. Finding time alone during clean up after school hours, he explained that his mom expected him to get you a present.
You frowned, annoyed. “I got you a present.”
He pulled a hand over his face. “I know, I know. That’s not what I mean. My mom, she… she’s going to buy us tickets to an amusement park. She’s all excited about my date.”
You made a face. You weren’t even official friends with him, so why on earth would you skip right into dating him? He’s not even your type!
If you had one. You just don’t get excited about boys like the rest of your friends do…
“As long as no one from school sees us, I don’t care.”
“Ugh. Can we not go and just say we did?”
“You can. If she’s buying tickets, I’m using mine.”
“…Fair enough, I guess.”
Gift
Tsunayoshi succumbed to the temptation of the park or something, because when you took your ticket and headed off, he trailed behind you. Probably because your mom was watching from the gate and might somehow blab to his mom, but he stuck with you even after she was out of sight. The park was a train ride away and kind of old, but it seemed okay. There were people milling about, and there were rides like the traditional Ferris wheel and even a rollercoaster. Tsunayoshi stuck to you like glue, but only to bail out on actually riding anything.
He did end eat a few things while waiting for you, and you ended up winning him a stuffed animal that you handed over with a grin. He whined about it, hiding his red face, but aside from the vendor who laughed at him, no one particularly cared.
It was only as you were on the train ride home that he remembered something. Pulling a small box out of his pocket, he handed it over while staring down at his feet.
“Happy birthday,” he mumbled.
“Thank you, Sawada-kun,” you said.
Opening the simple box, you found a cherry blossom-themed hair comb. Heh, because it’s April, right?
Thirteen
It’s Golden Week when your parents decide to take a family vacation. The plan is to drive two prefectures over to visit dad’s parents, and you’re looking forward to seeing them again. The drive is normal until it isn't, and you’re asleep when the world jolts with a jarring crash.
There is something warm on your stomach—
(blood not your own)
—and you suddenly remember being Aburame Kaiya—
(and the greatest healer in the world)
—but the groan that comes from Mom forces you to focus on the immediate moment.
Your vision isn’t straight and clear, but you can make out the crumpled front of the vehicle and the broken windshield. Dad is slumped over the wheel and you feel your heart stop at the sight. Reaching out towards him rewards you with a torturous throb in your torso and that’s when you finally look down to see a metal rod sticking out of you.
Or rather, pierced through you.
That’s when the pain hits and robs you of your breath, but the blood dripping down the length of it is cause for most of your panic instead of your own pain. Mom, mom, this is mom’s blood.
(an alleyway)
You hear a groan from dad and blearily see him shifting, so he’s alive. He doesn’t need your attention right now, Mom does.
Reaching towards her, you can only brush the hair on the back of her head. Hair is made up of dead cells, you can’t—the blood! Slapping a hand against the rod, you called upon your Quirk to create a link through her blood to her body.
Oh, oh, she’s dying, she’s almost dead.
(you weren’t there)
No, no! You won’t let her die!
You won’t let her die!
Death
Tsuna comes back to school after Golden Week to find a vase of flowers on her desk. At first he thinks it’s a cruel prank, that the others have finally found out that she’s nice to him and therefore a loser like him, and he panics in his seat, fearing her reaction when she finally comes in.
But she doesn’t.
Instead, their teacher tells them that she died in a traffic accident. Her parents survived, even her mother through some miracle, but their classmate herself didn’t make it. There will be a wake if they want to go.
He goes, dressed in black, to mourn the only person who changed and stopped calling him No-Good when even his own mother still does. Her body is on display, and he almost makes it through the whole thing without breaking down like so many of his classmates have, especially her friends.
But when he steps forward, he sees the hair comb in her hair, cherry blossoms that are the only bit of color on her.
He can’t stay after that, not even to speak to her mother who notices him and calls his name. He runs away, and their—his, she's gone—classmates are angry at him for leaving like that.
They call him No-Good Tsuna.
Not only is he no good, he’s a coward who can’t even visit his only friend’s gravestone.
He hates himself.
(at thirteen, with his Dying Will, instead of conforming to Reborn’s expectations and confessing to Sasagawa Kyoko, he runs like mad for the graveyard
“APOLOGIZE WITH MY DYING WILL!”)
To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.
~Thomas Campbell