Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ojiro Mashirao was not the most amazing person ever. His quirk simply gave him a tail. It was rather large, dextrous enough to act as another limb, and strong enough to smash through steel plating. But it was still just a tail. Even when he got accepted into UA, the most prestigious hero school in Japan, his quirk wouldn't change. He knew this fact and accepted it. He was fine being the "normal" or "boring" one. 

Ojiro was not expecting how normal he would actually be.

His classmates seemed normal enough at first glance. Sure one had a bird head and another had six tentacle arms but hey, he was a guy with a tail. He wasn't going to judge them on that. 

He was far more interested in the people, well person and animal that had just walked in. The boy seemed to be like a living plant with fluffy green hair and tanned skin like bark. They had a wolf with blond fur that was also currently on fire walking by their side and came up to his chest. All conversations currently going on stopped as the wolf proceeded to walk down the aisles and took a seat in front of tree boy.

He tried to get talking with a girl who was invisible but it was hard ignoring the flaming lupine creature and the excited chattering from his arboreal friend. He needn’t have worried about keeping the conversation going because their homeroom teacher appeared. Ojiro wasn’t able to form much more of an impression of Aizawa than “scruffy and tired” before he was being ushered out to the locker rooms.

They hadn’t been given a strict time limit, but Aizawa didn’t seem to be the type to be kept waiting. Plus while he was comfortable with his body, the whole process of changing with basically strangers was a little awkward. It was made far more awkward when a blond boy started posing and somehow had sparkles float around him in the air. Ojiro didn’t stay long after that.

The quirk test at first seemed rather normal until Aizawa sprung the fact that he would expel one of them if they failed. Ojiro had planned on doing his best anyway, but now he was extra determined to do well. That was the last semi normal thing that happened, but he didn’t realize that until later.

First Bakugou was called up to do a demonstration for the ball throw. His quirk was some sort of shapeshifting one as he was the wolf from earlier and he still had the ears and tail. However, there was also something to do with fire though he wasn't quite sure how the two parts went together. Ojiro only caught the muttered name of Flaming Rage for the quirk from the tree boy before the poor baseball was blasted away by Bakugou. He almost felt bad for the baseball because with the power Bakugou used it seemed like he really wanted it to “die”.

The tests weren't too difficult for him as he kept himself in good shape. Plus a giant tail  was a rather basic quirk meaning he didn't have to spend much time strategizing. This allowed him to focus on everybody else in their tests.

As he predicted their quirks were quite impressive, but there was something about most of them that seemed...off. There wasn't anything inherently wrong with the quirks, just this feeling. He always got that feeling for some of them. Like whenever the plant guy, whose name he learned was Izuku, used Forestry. But then others never gave off that feeling like Mina or Sero, while some were extra confusing and varied. He couldn't see any difference when Uraraka used her Gravity Manipulation, it only occasionally gave off that feeling of wrongness.

It was so strange, because he never had these sorts of feelings before. And if he wanted to become a hero he couldn't just ignore his danger sense. Ojiro had just been given a mystery and he was determined to figure it out.

Chapter Text

Ojiro had never been more thankful that he was so plain before now. It was immeasurably helpful to blend into the background while people talked. Nobody seemed to notice him as he quietly stood there and listened in to all their secrets. He had learned so much this way.

Most of it was boring stuff that small talk brought about like Momo talking about how tiring her tutoring sessions were to Jiro or Izuku asking what Bakugou had planned for when they hung out later that month. But some of it was highly suspect.

He had a list of what conversations he overheard that could help him figure out why his classmates seemed off. It currently held:

• Jiro complaining that there hadn’t been a good storm in a while and Kaminari saying that a storm meant more work for him. (What work did Kaminari do and how was a storm related?)
• Iida asking Momo for help with his “special” boots as they had been acting up and he thought she might have some insight. (What made his boots special? Why would Momo know something?”
• Tsuyu and Shoji having an oddly in depth conversation about swimming and describing it in almost explicit terms of pleasure. (Why did swimming feel so good for the two? Especially to get such a reaction like that.)
• Izuku being extremely aware of the mood of Koda’s pets when he brought them in and the animals in return being far friendlier with Izuku than anyone else. (Could he talk to them like Koda could?)
• Mina’s acid not working on Sero’s tape and him saying that “she of all people should have expected that.'' (Why didn’t her acid work? How could she have knowledge on Sero’s quirk?)
• Hagakure getting extremely upset and causing a big scene in the cafeteria when she had noticed Kaminari trying to put salt in her drink as a prank. She had screamed, slapped him, and then “questioned” how he could have ever thought it was okay to do something like that. (Why was it so wrong????)
• Anytime Aoyama talked about beauty and perfection. (????? Too much to ask.)
• Tokoyami muttering to himself about needing a feeding before he lost control and gave in to the urges of his dark hunger. (?????? Is he a cannibal, a killer, or talking in a really edgy fashion about needing lunch?)
• All the times Bakugou and Izuku interacted. (Why and how are they friends? Are they friends???)

It was a decent enough list of oddities for only knowing them for four days, but it only raised more questions than it answered. He wasn’t any closer to figuring out why his classmates gave off that odd feeling nor what they might be hiding. It was time to step up his investigations.

He decided on following Tokoyami since his quirk was the easiest to counter. All he needed to do if he was in danger was turn on the powerful flashlight he had brought with him. Plus he always seemed to be muttering  to himself so it would be easier to pick up information. And if Tokoyami still needed to "feed" then he might be able to observe whatever it was to get some idea for what was up with his classmates.

It started off as just another Friday for Ojiro at least where Tokoyami was concerned. They had homeroom with Aizawa, then math with Ectoplasm, and finally English with Present Mic. Tokoyami sat in his regular seat for homeroom and in the back of the other classes so he could brood. He answered when he was called upon, but was mostly quiet not volunteering himself. He had tried to sit close to Tokoyami to listen to the bird-headed boy's muttering, but he was just a little too far away. Sure he didn't have an established friend group yet and mixed it up with the seating, but sitting right next to his target every class would be far too suspicious. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened yet, but Ojiro was waiting for lunchtime.

Lunch had been going normally so far with Tokoyami going to sit with Aoyama, Tsuyu, and Shoji. Everything was normal until Tokoyami abruptly stood up and started to walk out of the cafeteria. Ojiro made some excuse about needing to use the bathroom before following his target out.

The dark boy never once looked backwards and so never caught a glimpse of Ojiro casually strolling in the same direction as him. Tokoyami led him through the rather empty halls of UA until they were on the third floor and Tokoyami stepped into a bathroom with a sign on the door claiming it was closed for cleaning. He waited a minute before trying to gently ease open the door to peer inside.

He was not expecting to have the door yanked open, be pulled inside the dark room, and then be alone in the dark with the glowing yellow eyes of Tokoyami glaring at him from in front of the door. Panicking Ojiro pulled out the flashlight he had in his pant’s pocket and aimed it at the bird boy hoping to weaken Dark Shadow.

“Can you not?” Tokoyami politely asked despite the situation while holding up an arm to cover his eyes. “I came here for privacy as blood sacrifices are rather personal affairs. I understand the black abyss has infected you with its mad curiosity, but I don’t think you would appreciate experiencing the ritual first hand.”

“You’re going to murder me?!” Ojiro was too shocked to do anything but gape at the dark boy before him.

“Of course not,” he sounded very offended at this. “I have government issued blood for this express purpose so I don’t break my parole. I might be demon possessed, but neither of us wishes to experience the eternal darkness so Dark Shadow will behave for now. Now if you don’t mind I would like to finish up here before lunch ends so can you please leave?” Tokoyami asked the tailed boy.

“Of-f-f course. Right. I’ll let you do...whatever. I’ll be going. Sorry. Goodbye,” Ojiro managed to stutter out before hurriedly leaving the pitch black bathroom.

Tokoymi sighed deeply. “What a mad banquet of darkness.”

Ojiro stumbled through the rest of his classes in a daze. Tokoyami was possessed by a demon and did blood sacrifices in the bathroom. It couldn't be true. It couldn't. Could it? He did not know how to handle this fact at all. Did this mean that the rest of his class were also demon possessed? Was that strange feeling their demonic powers?

Ojiro tried to calm himself down. It was probably just Tokoyami. It should have been obvious with the dark theme, the muttering to himself, and Dark Shadow which was probably the demon now that he considered it. None of his other classmates fit the bill so it was unlikely that they were like Tokoyami in that regard. There was obviously some connection between all of them. But what was it? He needed answers!

Chapter Text

Ojiro had spent the entire weekend channeling his inner conspiracy theorist in order to come up with a plan for the coming week. If this was the truth he needed to find out how deep it went. It wasn’t like him to be so obsessed with something, but every time he tried to put Tokoyami’s revelation out of his head it kept coming back to haunt him. He needed the closure from the truth and then he could just go back to living his normal life.

It would be dangerous investigating his classmates since he was 95% sure it was a government cover up hiding the existence of monsters. But also considering how his interaction with Tokoyami went, the others probably thought he already knew the truth. Therefore he didn’t need to do anything, but let them reveal their secrets. He would fake knowing what they were talking about and they would freely discuss their hidden lives. It was a foolproof plan.

It was not foolproof. It had been a week and a half with no concrete evidence of what was up with his classmates. Sure he had guesses on many people, so many guesses. Aoyama was honestly making him consider if there was such a thing as a cheese golem. That was how much he was desperately trying to pin some identity on them. But he didn't know for sure. And it was driving him insane! Their conversations were just as cryptic as before, but now he knew for certain that they were hiding something. It was maddening. He needed to know!

Take Bakugou. Ojiro wanted to say he was a werewolf for obvious reasons. He could turn back and forth between a wolf and a human with a wolf's ears and tail. But then there was his fire. And it made! no! sense! There was no relation between werewolves and fire that he could find anywhere. So either Bakugou wasn't a werewolf or there was more going on than he thought. 

And it was like this for the entire class. Even Aizawa! He had no idea of who anybody truly was. It was frustrating being right on the edge of knowing, but never for certain. And he couldn’t just ask them if they were some sort of monster because it was likely very rude and also he was pretending to be one of them so he should know already. He felt like he was going insane trying to figure out this impossible mystery.

When Izuku worriedly asked him if he was okay during extra after school training he snapped. Of course he wasn’t! How could he be okay when all the signs point to Izuku being some sort of dryad, but then also not at the same time. The tree like appearance and the ability to merge into a tree seemed to confirm it, but there was nothing in the mythology about being able to grow plants and he should be tied to a specific tree instead of just any random plant. It made no sense and he was never going to figure it out and then he would die alone and insane! What are you Izuku Midoriya?! He needed closure!

Izuku stared in shock at the sudden outburst from the tailed boy. Ojiro paled considerably as he realized what had happened. “I said all of that out loud, didn't I?” Izuku only nodded mutely in response his mouth seemingly unable to make an answer from the way it gaped. Both of them just stood there unsure of what to do after the outburst. 

Ojiro was wondering how hard it would be to fake his death and move to another country. The French countryside was probably very nice this time of year. He could live in a forest and eat berries and never have to face Izuku ever again in his entire life. Yes, that was a good idea and totally not an overreaction.

Izuku on the other hand had gone on a mental muttering spree. He knew that Ojiro had been bothered by something the past few days it was obvious from how the other boy was acting. He had been distracted in class and his answers were often subpar. In addition Ojiro showed up looking like he hadn’t slept for a few days which was certainly a possibility. Then there was also the fact that Ojiro had been acting slightly paranoid writing in some sort of journal, but refusing to let anybody see it and putting it away anytime someone got close. And now it turns out that the entire problem had been him. He knew that technically he shouldn’t tell the other boy what he was, but if it was causing him this much distress then how could he call himself a hero if he didn’t help someone in trouble?

Ojiro was right in the middle of calculating how much a plane ticket would cost before Izuku interrupted his thoughts. “I was afraid that this would happen, but I wasn’t expecting you to be the first. Or well, the second actually.” At this Izuku’s eyes lit up as he realized his solution. “Listen Ojiro. I can’t tell you anything,” he said apologetically. “But if you were to ask a certain best friend of mine who knows me very well, well I can’t stop that,” Izuku said with a devious innocence. “Anyway I should probably get going. The training center is closing in ten minutes and I don’t want to be late for mom’s humus. But you should definitely talk to Bakugou.”

After Ojiro had a moment to process what had happened, he realized he never actually got confirmation on what Izuku was.

God damn it! It’s happening again! He’ll never get his answers! Wait, wait, wait! Bakugou. He could get him answers. Bakugou was his only hope…

…

…

…

Oh god he’ll never have his answers! He curled up into a ball and started having a minor mental breakdown on the floor.

It was ten minutes later that Aizawa found Ojiro stroking the floor declaring it his new best friend because floors didn’t have any secrets. They didn't embarrass you. Floors were nice. They could always give him the answers he needed. He shrugged, stepping over the tailed boy as he made his rounds for closing up the training center. He didn’t get paid enough to keep up with whatever new memes or trends teenagers came up with. As long as it didn’t disturb his ( napping) lesson planning time he didn’t care.

Chapter Text

Ojiro was feeling better the next day at school. Nothing had happened yesterday after his talk with Midoriya. He 100% did not have a mental breakdown in one of the school’s training centers. Nope. He was perfectly fine.

But if he was being honest with himself he really was doing much better. He finally had a lead on someone besides Tokoyami and would be getting some answers. That is if he could get answers from someone who had intense anger issues and was rude to everyone. Which made the whole thing nearly impossible. But if his only hope of ending this madness was to deal with a surly Bakugou then he would take that chance.

Ojiro confronted the explosive boy after school. “Hey, Bakugou,” he said tapping the other boy on the shoulder. Bakugou turned around and snarled at Ojiro causing him to back up. “What do you want, huh?”

Hoping that he wouldn’t get his face blasted in Ojiro asked one of the questions that had been plaguing him. “What is Izuku?”

Bakugou simply tched and turned away from Ojiro. “What do you fucking mean? If you’re going to ask me something then ask me a real question. Now stop wasting my time and get out of my way,” he said brandishing a flaming hand at Ojiro.

Ojiro, out of desperation for answers, refused to get out of the other’s way. He wasn’t backing down until he finally started getting his answers. Bakugou was (unfortunately) his only way of getting answers and he was not going to lose a lead after it had taken him nearly two weeks to get this far. He steeled himself to ask Bakugou again in a different manner. “I talked to Izuku yesterday and he said he couldn’t tell me. He said that I should ask his best friend which is you. So what is Izuku?”

The explosive blond seemed to get upset at this. “And who said I’m friends with that fucking nerd huh? He’s just some loser Deku that I went to middle school with. He wasn’t my friend then and he still isn’t now. Now out of my way or I’ll smash your stupid face in!”

He was getting tired of Bakugou denying having anything to do with Izuku. “Oh so it means nothing that he calls you Kacchan, talks to you every single class every day, and sits with you at lunch, also every day? Because to me that seems like something friends do. So just tell me already!” he quietly shouted. He had known that dealing with Bakugou would be annoying, but he was reaching his limit very fast. He had put up with nine days of his classmates insanity after Tokoyami’s reveal, but no more! He was going to get his answers.

“Stupid Deku! Why would you ask me to keep your secret if you’re just going to tell people to ask me? You’re lucky that I’m even doing this for you,” Bakugou raged at Izuku in his head. “Fine, I’ll tell you,” he said huffily crossing his arms over his chest. “He’s a forest spirit. But if you tell anyone I’ll get you and make it look like a bloody accident! You got it?” he yelled getting right up in Ojiro’s face.

He hurriedly backed up trying to get away from the shouting right in his face. “Okay I won’t tell anyone,” he promised his up his arms, palms out, showing compliance. “But why’s it such a big deal? I mean, isn't he like you and the rest of the class?” Ojiro regretted asking this as soon as Bakugou turned to glare at him. He had his answers, why did he have to keep pushing for more? Damn his curiosity.

“Don’t lump an alpha like me in with the rest of those stupid extras. I thought you’d be smarter than a plain old human, but you’re just as much of an idiot as they are. But as for your question,” his anger quickly faded and he gave a shrug. “Hell if I know. Apparently he’s some rare anomaly and the big wigs in the bureau decided to make him sign a contract. He’s such a stupid Deku.” He started to mumble under his voice, “How can I keep him safe if he can’t tell me anything?”

“What was that Bakugou? I couldn’t hear that last part,” Ojiro asked with a smirk. “I said don’t count on him keeping you safe if you tell anyone! You hear me now you stupid monkey!”

When Ojiro got home he felt like he was on cloud nine. His luck was turning around. He had never expected that his life would ever go back to normal. Not after…The Incident. But with answers safely written in his notebook and no more obsessive urge to satisfy his curiosity he was normal again. Okay, maybe he wasn’t so normal anymore. But still that was to be expected when one finds out that their class is full of monsters and this information is given by a demon possessed bird headed boy in a bathroom about to perform a blood sacrifice. And that was a sentence he never expected to think up. But still he thought he was pretty normal considering the situation he found himself in. At least he wasn’t a tsundere like Bakugou was.

Chapter Text

Ojiro had been sitting quietly in class reading the handout that Aizawa had given the class when he noticed it. It was a crunching sound like someone eating chips, but softer somehow if that made any sense. Turning around to see who was eating in class his mind went blank.

"What the literal fuck Midoriya?" Ojiro did not swear often, but the sight of Izuku eating handfuls of dirt from his backpack caused him to do so. Izuku's head snapped up to look at Ojiro his mouth still chewing on soil and blinking innocently. "What?" he mumbled through his mouthful of earth with some bits falling out, down onto his desk. "What's wrong Ojiro?" he asked after swallowing.

What's wrong? What's wrong?! The fact that his classmate was eating dirt as a snack like it was the most normal thing in the world was wrong. The fact that he was the only one noticing this and thought it was strange was wrong. "You're eating dirt!" Some people might say he was overreacting. To those people Ojiro would say he was being the only sane person in his class.

From the ground in his sleeping bag Aizawa gave a deep and tired sigh as he rose up. "Midoriya. What have I said about eating the landscaping?" Ojiro had never felt a closer connection to someone else than now. It was him and Aizawa against the insanity of his classmates and their weirdness. He nearly wept for joy because finally someone else wasn't going to stand for this craziness anymore. He was no longer alone. He had an ally.

"Oh don't worry Mr. Aizawa. This is home..uh home gathered, yeah. I didn't dig any holes on campus."

Aizawa shrugged. Good enough for him. He let himself fall backwards behind his desk and went back to his nap.

Ojiro fell to his knees. He swore that a spotlight was highlighting his paled body while a violin played a high pitched sorrowful tune. Betrayal. All of his hopes dashed in an instant. He had counted on Aizawa, but instead the teacher encouraged this madness. He was doomed to a life of his classmates driving him insane.

"Hey Ojiro. Want some dirt?" Not even knowing what his life had come to, the tailed boy took a handful from the offered gallon ziplock.

Chapter Text

They all said he was crazy. That he was a fool for believing in something like this. But after this they would be the fools. He would have the last laugh.

"Thank you all for coming to my TED talk about Bakugou and how he is a tsundere," Ojiro said as he dropped a binder onto the lunch room table.

"Dude. You don't have to do this. We already said you can believe in whatever conspiracy theories you want to, but keep us out of it," Kaminari said.

"Yeah, this is the third time you've tried to convince us that Bakugou is crushing hard on Izuku. We don't need to hear it again," Mina complained. "Besides Todobaku for life," she whispered.

He could not believe such blasphemy. "Your ship is trash and it will burn in the harbor!" Ojiro shouted while slamming his hands on the table.

"You're just blind to the sexual tension! You're so focused on Bakudeku that you can't see what's right in front of you," she shouted back as she got up into his face.

"Sexual tension?! If you lock the two of them in a room together we're going to end up with a homicide on our hands. There's no spark of romance." Realizing how heated their argument had gotten Ojiro gave a little cough and backed up. Composing himself he started to speak again. "I can tell when I'm not appreciated. I'm going to people who will be more accepting of my views." And with that Ojiro turned around and left with a huff.

He came back fifteen seconds later to pick up the binder he had left behind. He tried to keep up a dignified facade to hide his embarrassed blush as he strode away.

"I must say this is rather impressive. You have a lot of evidence supporting your theory. However," Todoroki stretched the word out as he pushed Ojiro's binder away, "too much of it is circumstantial for me to give my approval. I'm sorry, but this can not be an official Shoto-spiracy™."

"You've just activated my trap card," Ojiro said as he took out a photograph from his inner jacket pocket. "Hopefully this will change your mind. Irrefutable proof of platonic tsundere Bakugou," as he slid the photo over to Shoto.

"May I," Shoto asked before picking it up. With a smile Ojiro waved him on, before leaning back in his chair with his hands behind his head. He had this in the bag.

Todoroki examined it with the eye of a seasoned theorist. Far too many tried to worm their way into getting approved by him with doctored evidence. "It could be a fake. Or maybe it was staged. Can you confirm the authenticity of this evidence?"

"Please, it speaks for itself. Nobody could ever reproduce that look of contentment so perfectly unless it was the real deal."

"True, true," Todoroki nodded as he stood up. "If you'll allow my people to look it over and confirm, you might be the proud owner of a Shoto-spiracy™ Mr. Mashirao. Congratulations," he said as he shook Ojiro's hand.

"OJIRO!!!" A very upset werewolf was standing in the smoking ruins of the cafeteria doors while a timid forest spirit hung back behind him.

Ojiro's eyes widened as he took in what was likely to be his death. "Protect that with your life. It's been an honor to further the cause of Shoto-spiracy™ with you," as he gave a salute to Todoroki. With his final words said he took off running as a massive lupine being of flame chased after him.

(He was caught and all of his evidence was burnt by a certain werewolf. His life was spared by the intervention of a certain forest spirit as long as he swore off conspiracies. And on a certain online video channel there supposedly exists a photo of a certain werewolf getting ear-scritches by a certain forest spirit.)

Chapter Text

"I wasn't stalking you!" Ojiro blurted out.

"What?"         "What?"

"Ojiro said that he wasn't stalking you Kaminari," Izuku helpfully chimed in. Ojiro paled considerably when Izuku repeated his blatantly false denial.

"Oh cool. I was actually somewhat worried about that because you seem to know a lot of creepy stuff about me. But I guess it's because you're such a good friend," Kaminari said as he slapped Ojiro on the back.

"Yeah, Ojiro is the most considerate friend I ever had. He knows my favorite food, what's inside my room, what time I go to sleep, everything." Ojiro started praying that Bakugou wasn't within hearing range. If the explosive werewolf was, there was no way he could stand up to the tsundere rage that would follow.

Thankfully for the tailed hero in training the locker room was almost empty anyways. Not wanting to make such a fatal error again he whipped out a cartoonishly large memo pad. Note to self: Don't get caught stalking.  

"Oh man, that is so kind of you," Kaminari said reading over Ojiro's shoulder. "You don't want to impose yourself on our friendship. That's super cool," he finished shooting a thumbs up at his new best friend. Ojiro was left alone, struggling to understand how any of his classmates could have survived with such odd behavior.

Ojiro was having another mental breakdown. His classmates were monsters. Not just in the supernatural sense, but in the metaphorical one too. It was just supposed to be a simple training exercise. So why did they have to go and destroy half of the mock city?

His match was first and it started off so nicely. It was him and Hagakure against Sero and Mina. Hagakure did most of the preparations making many of the walls invisible and putting up illusions of walls. And when the other two entered he tried his best to delay them. He held them off for about five minutes until he got trapped in tape. After that it was easy for them to work their way through by spraying tape or acid ahead of themselves to tell what was real. They didn't win because both of their remaining targets were invisible and they couldn't find the objectives in time.

Small scale structural damage, limited violence, and all in all a nice basic match. And then every other match was complete insanity.

Kaminari and Jiro worked together to make a thunderstorm for their assault while Momo had a literal cannon for a defensive barrage and Tsuyu bursted open the plumbing system flooding the whole building.

Tokoyami's shadows with their nightmarish screaming were cut through by Aoyama's blazing light as well as several support pillars. Mineta was absolutely terrifying in his frenzy, capable of punching through concrete and flipping Sato even after the latter bulked up and was twice his height and four times his weight.

Todoroki started a blizzard inside of the building to flush out Koda and Kirishima. It somewhat worked except they had turned into a polar bear and a stone dragon and didn't mind the cold. Kirishima ploughed through whatever ice spikes Todoroki formed and Koda forced Shoji to get involved. After that it was like an eldritch being stepped on the scene with all the tentacles flailing about.

The worst offenders was Midoriya's group. He straight up destroyed the building by sending tree roots throughout it. Uraraka used the rubble to whip up a hurricane of the ruins. Iida seemed to defy all the rules of physics by using the pieces of concrete hurtling about as stepping stones to Uraraka. Bakugou was once again a massive wolf made of flame when he engaged Midoriya. His fire was smothered by a veritable avalanche of flower petals produced by Izuku, which allowed Uraraka to bury both of their opponents.

"Ojiro you must get off the floor. Our class is going out for food and your presence was requested by several of our members. Your being there is imperative to our class's enjoyment of this outing." Iida was standing over his downed classmate waving his hands in a futile hope of reviving him.

"Oh don't worry about this Iida. He gets like this sometimes. C'mon friend, how are you supposed to eat your ramen like this? Kaminari help me out."

"Yeah man, he's my new best friend. I'm not letting him miss out on ramen. That wouldn't be cool after all he's done for me."

Oh look , Ojiro thought. I'm being kidnapped by the monsters. I am going to die. Izuku and Kaminari dragged Ojiro's limp body by the legs while excitedly chanting, "Ramen! Ramen! Ramen!"

Chapter Text

"Ah, young Mashirao. Can you stay after class please." Ojiro waited until all the other students had left the room before walking up to All Might. It was still so difficult to accept the fact that the number one hero was a teacher. What could All Might want with him?

"Aizawa and I have been reviewing the footage of the last combat exercise your class did. All of the students will be receiving advice based on their performance, but we decided to start with you. Now follow me," the pro hero said as he walked out of the classroom.

The two of them went to an unused training room and All Might started talking again. "I want you to do your strongest attack on one of these training dummies right here. That way we can get a baseline of your power."

Ojiro sent a sideways glance at All Might. "My strongest attack?"

All Might nodded. "That's right. No holds barred." Well alright then. He asked for this. Hopefully he won't take it the wrong way and think I've done this before, Ojiro thought to himself. He rushed forwards to the side of a dummy and jumped into a spin. His thick tail collided and knocked the head from the dummy across the room. It would be an absolutely brutal murder if it had been a real person, but nobody mourns a training dummy.

"Hahaha. A wonderful first try my boy," All Might cheerfully said as he nearly sent Ojiro to the floor with a slap on the back. "But I said to use your strongest attack."

"That was my best All Might."

"Hahaha." Another flooring back slap followed All Might's outburst of laughter. "There's no need to be shy my boy. If you really want to succeed, you need to use your magic as well young man."

"But I don't have any magic," Ojiro protested.

"So modest as well. I know that you might not have the best control, but you need to at least try. Otherwise we can't help you improve. And a hero must always be doing their best," All Might proclaimed striking a heroic pose.

"But I really can't do any magic. Like at all."

The awkward silence that followed seemed to stretch for eternity. "I ah, I see. Please excuse me for a moment," he said before dashing off at his max speed. Every thought in All Might's internal dialogue was a single word.

Shit. Shit . Shit . SHIT! shit. sHiT. ShIt. S̴̢̘̣̭̳̦̱͙̰̬̪̿͑́̀͆ͅh̵̥̓̔̔̽̌͑̋́̕͠ì̴̞̏̆̃̄̓̔t̷͉̖̮͚͍͈̦̒͋͊̈́̿͠.̵͓̗̫͙͙̝̻̲͒͐͑  Sh*t.

SSSSShhhhhiiiiittttt.

"Aizawa!" All Might shouted as he kicked in the staff room door. With a jerk Aizawa was up and restraining whoever dare disturbed his precious nap time with his capture weapon. This turned out to be a mistake as All Might coughed up blood all over the white fabric as he was squeezed. Outwardly Aizawa continued to glare impassively at All Might, but inside was another story.

"Nooooo! I just got it dry cleaned two days ago. And you've ruined it! My perfect fashion sense. Gone!"

"What do you want All Might?" Aizawa asked tiredly.

"I might have caused a leak."

Aizawa face-palmed when he heard this. His all important nap time was interrupted for this? Honestly he was surprised how this buffoon ever became the number one hero. "Well then fix the leak. It's not that hard."

"Right, of course. Fix it," All Might said with a strained grin.

A few moments passed. "You have no idea how to fix this, do you?" All Might's grin stretched even more as Aizawa gave a long suffering sigh. Honestly he should demand a raise for all that he has to put up with.

"I wasn't looking at videos of Bakugou getting ear scratches!" Ojiro frantically said, while hurriedly putting his phone away as his two teachers walked in.

"What?"          "What?"

"Right," Aizawa said, very unconvinced by Ojiro's claim. (He wasn't one to judge. He had a copy on a personal flash-drive at home.) "All Might, this is Ojiro," Aizawa said with a deadpan expression.

"Yes."

"Who is in my class." The Deadpan Continued.

"Yes."

"My homeroom class." The Deadpan Redux: the sequel to The Deadpan Continued.

"Yes."

"My homeroom class, all of whom are on the list." The Deadpan Redux Continued Once More: the grand finale to The Deadpan trilogy.

"Yes. But!" All Might hurriedly said before Aizawa could continue his dead eye stare. "Ojiro says that he doesn't have any magic."

"Ojiro is this true?" Aizawa asked turning his tired gaze upon the student in question.

"Well, yeah. Why would I lie about something like this?" Ojiro asked confused about what was going on.

Letting out a giant sigh Aizawa pulled out a small green stone with strange carvings on it from his scarf. "Memoria valeo!"

Ojiro fell to the padded floor of the training room with Aizawa calling to All Might over his shoulder. "He should wake up in five minutes. Come up with some excuse for what happened. And tell Nezu to take him off the list. Don't bother me again unless it's an emergency," Aizawa warned as he made his way back to the staff room.

"It's an emergency!" All Might shouted as he broke down the door again. And again Aizawa's scarf was coated in blood by his instinctual and forceful restraining of All Might. Internally Aizawa was weeping over how cruel the world could be. Why must he suffer?

"What's wrong now?" Aizawa could barely bring himself to care. Unless UA was on fire he could ignore it and get back to his nap.

"It didn't work! We still have a leak." It took a few moments for Aizawa to understand. He was never going to get his nap was he?

Chapter Text

"Come in, come in." Ojiro cautiously stepped into the principal's office. He hadn't met the principal before, but he had to be strong if he was in charge of UA. He was not expecting a canine-rodent-whatever-creature to be sitting on top of several phone books in order to see over his desk. Nor was he expecting tea. Tea was a good sign right? He wouldn't get tea if he was being sent off to prison for uncovering a government conspiracy hiding the existence of magic and wasn't affected by their mind-wipe. Right?

"Now Aizawa and All Might tell me that you have accidentally stumbled upon our little secret. What's really intriguing is that they couldn't erase your memories. That's only possible if they're deep-seated and have become an integral part of your life. But what I'm wondering is how did you make initial contact?"

Ojiro glanced between the two pro-heroes/teachers who had escorted him. They hadn't spoken a word and stared straight ahead desperately trying to avoid looking at the principal. "How did you know all that? Did they call ahead or…"

Ojiro's question was cut off by All Might's large hand covering his mouth. "You don't want to start down that path my boy." All Might had a haunted look in his eyes. "We don't want to lose another one."

"If you don't want to go gray at thirty-one then you don't ask Nezu questions," Aizawa inputted. He honestly looked afraid to Ojiro.

Nezu's eyes gleamed with a sadistic light. "Oh, but it's already too late. I knew because 

ẗ̵̰͎͎͇̦̪͒̔̄̍̾̊̃̈́͑̎͒̆̋̈́̀̿́̋͒̿̿̈́̏̀̈̕̕͘͠͝͝͝͠h̶̢̡̨̖̤̙̥̰̺̰͓͉̤̮̦̩͇̟̏̓̈̑͠͠ͅe̵̤̲̜̗̳͉̤̊̎͛̉̓̀͘͝ ̶̧̢̧̛̛̫̲̻̝̹̱̩̻̣͖͈̳̼̬̜̱̦̺̣͕͔͉̙̻̞͈͚̯͚̞̝̞͈̗̱̖̰͔̗̜̰̩͉̪͍͎͍͎͉̹̱̳̘̹̈́̋̈͑͑͆͊̒̇̌̃̓̆̆̒̍̑̏͗͗̉̍͌͗̂͐̓̂̑̎͒̎͑̅͒̈́͆̄̅̈͑̇̌̓̽̊͂̉̑̈́͛͘̚͘̕̕͘͜͜͝͝͝͝͠͝͠s̶̛̹̬̹̹̘̩̗̓̈́̽͛͊͋̓̉̒͆̇̋͌̿́̾̓̽̓̂̅̐͛̈͒͊́͒̈́̓̉̌̔̃̍͋͒̐͋̄̓̍͋̀͐̅̐͐̊̆͆̆̓̾͆͆́̕̚̕͘͜͝ȩ̸̢̧̧̡̡̧̧̛͙̮̟̥̭̟̬̮̙̭͉̫̹͚̗̗̭̙̪̰̞͇̫͖͚̣͔͍̯̗̝̯̣̥̯̹̲̩͔̱̣͈̪̤̮͉̘̰͍̲͙̪̯̝̣̪̰̺͎̠͎̰͇͓̌͛̋̏̒̀͂̅͂͗̋̈́͐̑̏̓͐̂̎͛̌̄̚̚̚͝͝͠ͅc̸̢̨̧̡̡̢̧̧̛̛̛̛̘̹̠̣̮̱͙̩̮̯̙͔̬̩̬̘̦͓͚̮̖̳̤̫͇̺̣̺̙̯̥͔̟̘̲̫̦̰͙̥̹̖̬̝͔͖͇̪̦̪͖̠̺̳̘̦͔̊̿̏͗͂͒̇̇͗̓̍̅̅̄̊̓͛̐̾̒̓̈́̊̎̈̐̉̒̋̆̃̔̋̅̌̐̔̈́͂͑̈́̀̄͛͊͋̔͗̀̏͌̀͊̎̕̚̕̕͜͝͝ͅr̶̢̨̧̧̛̛̝̩͖͔̮͖̜̪̻͙̪͇͍̭̘͉̞̝̞̟̠͚̮̤̤̩͚̰̭͙͓͇̩͍͍̥̼̳͇̯̥̺̥̘̼͚̣̲̹̖̹̤͍̟̭̣͓̲͆͋̃͊͒͒̂̋̍̎̔̄͗͂̆̈̽̊͗͂̽̀͊̒̉̓͛̌̽͐͗̐̿̊̆͊͗͊̚͜͝͠ͅę̸̛̛̛̭̤͖̟̬̙̱̺̥̮̤̫̉͆̓̓̊̆̓̐̊̐́̂̈̓́̔̎̿̌͆̽̆̐̓́̅̎̈́̎̌̋͊̏̈́͑̋͋͒̈́̕͘̚̚̚͠͠ͅţ̶̡̛͕̤͔̜̮̖͈̮͈̞̫̜̺͚̣̣̦̝͖̬̘͔̩͓͉̹͔̩̥͖͎̥̯̱̟̠̜͉̒͆̔̅͗͗͑͆̆͂̄̓̅̔̆̓̈́̓͆͋͒̓̀̽̀͐̂̈́͛̊͐̃͌̀̓͋͗̆̔̀̓͑̐̑̓̊͗̕͘̚̕̕̚͜͜͜͝͠͠ͅs̸̡̨̢̨̢̪͕̫̘̜̣͓͉͉͚̥͔̰̙̱̬̺̜̫͉̳̖̙͍̳̻̖̜̪̹̰̲͙̣͉͈̳͉͚̄͛͑̏̅̏̾̈́̋̋͌̐̋̓̈͆̅̿̏̐̉̆̒͂̆̔̄̒̓͗́͐͒̈̔̆̊͂͒̈̿͊̈́͆̄̉͘̕͘͘͜͝͝͝͝͠͝ͅͅͅͅ ̴̛̛͓̪̲̤̤̬͔̦͔̥̙̣̗̆̎͆͐͆̍́͂̐̇̃̂̾̎͛͋̉̆̾͊͌̋̑̽̏̈́̈̇̓̉͒͂̔̄̉͒̉̈̃̀͆̓̕̕͝͝͝͝͠͝o̴̧̧̨̧̡͖̦̱͓̻̬̪̤̩͖̣͕̭͕͖͚̮̩̼̺̭̘̗̬̟̼̩̥͙̘̺̱̣̻̞̯̩̊̄̊̌̏̓̏͗̏̒̊̋͜͜͜ͅͅf̵̧̨̧̡̧̧̧̛̛̘̻̠͍̖̻̣̟̳̮̲̪͙͈̭̹̜̰͙͈̻͉̭̪̩̻̯̫̼̬̝͕̗͚̬̤͕̭̠͈̬̝̖͎͖͇͙̮̫̪̲̲͚̬͙͚̾͋̑̅̇̅̊̉͛̓̔́̑͛̅͛̏͐̏̎̾͋̈́̇́̿̾̐͊̆̈̋̅̅͆̃͒̋̕̚͜͜͠͠ͅ ̸̨̡̡̧̢̨̧̧̡̛̫̱͕͎̺͕̣̳͔̭͉̺͓̪̻̼͓̲̳͎̱͓̫̲̳͔͚̥̯͓̮̳̪͕̪̟̲̦̩̰͙͎͙̭̙̱̜͙̺͉̗̯̮̞̖͚̬̪̯͍̺̀̈̐̈́̾͊͂̒̈́̉̔̈̎̿͆̒̃͌̓̂͛́̌̃̈́͑̆͒̐̄̍̏̓͂̋̈͋̀̾̅̉͑̇̍̄͂̔͌̌̿͂͆̄͘̕͘̕͠͝͝͝͝͝ͅt̷̢̢̛͎̝̜͉̙̪̩̱̯̰͚̝̰̝͔̳̪͈͙̰̤̞̜̤̙̩̜̹̙̰̭̮̺̭͖̳̻̬͉̭̪̞̮̜͚̤̝͇̻̙̹̜̟͍̮̜̟̗͖̊̋͋͑̊̌̊̈́͒̐͛̇̈́̔͊̉̈́̎̓̄̓̀͋̃͗̓̽̈͗̿̿̈́̾̂̄͋̈́͛̓̑͑̏̽͐̈́̅̇̇͊͗͂̔͑̈̕͘̕̚̕̚͜͠ͅh̸̡̪͕͙̻̯͈̭̱̖͖̠͖̹̤̹͍̱͍̉̍̍̈́̈̋̍́̂͂̿̒̏̂͗͆͆̄̓̐̏͋̾̏͌̽̂͋̒̇̈́̈́̓̈̎̈̇̎͋̅͘̕̚͝͠͝͝͝͝͠ͅe̷̢̛̛̛̩̮̹̳̯̙͕̯̰̻͍̤̗̯̠͉̣͎̘̖̩̩̠͈̹̼̺̣̦̠̻̪̟̞̝̤͍̠͖̓̆̇̐̂̾̾͌͒̓̍̌̂͆̋͐͊̐̈́̔̈͋̾͑͊̍̽́̋̿͛̂̎̍͌̿̉́̃̔̓̈́͐̈́͗̓̔͆̿͛̋̉̎͗̚̕̚̕͜͝͠͝͝͠ ̸̢̨̧̛̹͉̜̖̹͍͓͓̗̙͇͈̬͛̋̈́̔͒͐̅̂͂̃̂͒̇͌̂͌͐͐͒̃̏̑͂͂̓͂̈̍̂͗̽̒̔̿̎͗̾͂͌̿̃̊͐͗̕͘͠͝͠͝͝͠u̶̟̺̩͔͂̌̈́̉́̈́̇̀͋̒͊͛̾͋̉̿̉̍̉͛͌̀̃͗͆̈́̒̏̓̕̕͝͝͠ņ̷̧̧̨̨̧̢̢̢̛̼͇̹̭̻̗̜̜̪͖̯͇̤̦̪̙͔̠͖̺͚͍̩͇͚̠̺͕͎̭̥̖͕̖͎̣̹̘̤̼̰̝͚̣̹͕̟̼̂̍̄͆͊̆̋͋͒̓͂̓̂͑͂͂̓͋͊̾̈̊͒͌̕̕͘͜͜ͅi̴̧̨̛̫͚̱͍̮̗̹̥̲̖͙̜͈̮̟̒̒̅̑̄̃͛̋͑̆̊͗̓̌́́͛̽̀͆͗̅̇̃̽͒̅̉͐̅̏̃̽̇͒̉̏͛̔͛̂̈́̄̑͐̽̓̀͘̕͜͝͝͝͝v̵̧̧̧̨̨̠͕̣̲͔̜̲̞͎̰̹͓̮͈̖͉̞̝̤̙̬͇̙̯͓͚̻͎̠̠͈̺̭̻̜̹͚̈́̿́͆͗͐̒̍͊͌̕͜ͅę̴̧̧̧̢̰̖͈͔̮̞̼̯̯̜͉̙̥̙͕̰͉̮͔͕̫̩̲̣͈͖̫͖͖̣̲̪͓̪̳̩͙͇͖͔͚̼͖̳͍̻̤̯̺̬͚̟̺͚̤̭͎̜̱͎̩̠̺̣̜̗̽̇͛̓͋̈́̋̋͒͐̊̇̅͜͜͜͝͝͝ͅr̴̢̢̧̢̨̨̡̦̝̻͓̬̰͙̱̹͎͈̭̹̻̱̱̦̟̬̟̘̮̞̲̪̱̲͕͎̲̖̮̘͈̠͇̻̟͎͈̳̳͎̣̰̝̘̒̾̑̑͘͜͜ͅs̸̢̢̧̧̧͇̗͚̥͔̪͇̥̠̱̖͎̳͇̼͚̥͔̺̰͉͈͖͇̝͙̮̤̩͍̪͖̝̣̤̥̘̯͚̻̯͈͇̠͊̆̈͂̓̐̆̏̄̊̉̈̃̒̆̈̂̎̓͛̂̄̑̄͗̉̌̎̅͂͘̚̚͜͜͝ͅẽ̸̡͈͔̰͙͍͈̳̻̤̘͓̹̹͖̱͉̩͈͉̝̌̑̎̇̔̃̿̅͒̿͌͋̈́̕̚̕̕͝ ̴͕͑͑h̷̨̢͇͍͓̫͉̭̫̙̹͓̰̮̪̺̞͚͈̳̮̗̘̜̙͕̭̪͚̠̾̑̈͑̃̌̒̌̓̔͋́͊̍͛͆͋͆͛͂̅̾͛̊̔͂̔̽̈́͛͒̽̇̈̄̅͌͋̌͊̊͋̏̈́̄̾͗͐̈́̑̕̚͘̚͝͠͝ͅą̶̛̛̛̛̰̗͓͚̖̩͓͖͙̥̫̝̣̹̗̣̇̀̂̏̐̓͗̋͆̌́͒̏͋̈́̿̉̀̿̎̓̆̆͐̒͗͑͛͐͌̑͛͆̎͂̊̓̓͋̓̓͒͋̏̉͆̒̀̎͗̏̊̕͘̚͜͝͠͝v̶̛̺̹̲̲̩͈͓͇͍͇̣͍̼̂͂͆͗̎̅̊̋̋͗͆͊͆͆̇̅̈̊̍̌̌̈͐̎͛̈͂̿͑̍̈́̏̈́̔̔̉͛̍͐͐͋̾͗̃̃̐̂̃͂̒͑͊̿̈́͂̌̓͌̑̈́̐̎̕̚͝͝͝͝ę̴̢̧̛̛̟̞̳̦̯͎̩̞̱͍͇̙̙̦̬̠͙̣̰̯̣̰̤̦̖̮͛̿̇̐̎́̍͂̅͛͌̈̽̑̓̑̂̌͐̅̊̈́́̅͐̂̈́̈́̎̈́̊͊͐̈́̋̓̑̈̈́͑̓̽͊̓̇̽͘̚̚̕͘͘͜͜͜͠͝͠ ̸̢̡̹͓̳̼̰̳̣̹̣͍̯̩̗͙̘̘̼̰̪̤̦͆̋͜ͅb̸̧̢̡̨̢̡̡̼̳͖̦̫̳̫̪̭̺̞̺̙̖̥̱̹͙̳̮̱͈͎͉̱̗͇͎̭̬̫̯͓̗͎̝̪̳̦̟̺͚̠̪̩͈̈́̀̈̉͌̔̓͋̆́̈́͒̊͂̒̾͘͘͜ͅé̸̡̡̧̧̧̛̛̘̙͚̗̳͕̞̝̖̱͈̣͚͕͔̺̬͎͚͕̟̤̮̻̤̘̗̰̬̲̫͙̩̬̞̼̘̯̤̗͂͆̈́̂̾̋̉̄̑̐́̀̊̄̏̇͊̋̚͜͠ͅẽ̴̡̡̨̛̬͎̻͚͉͎̲̣̤͈̗̖̭̙̤̦̯̙̳̜͍͇̫̖͙̖̒͂̍̃̑̇̋̕͜͝͝͝ͅn̵̡̡̢̛͕͍̰̬͇̭͕̝̫̗͖̖̥̞͙͚̰͍͉͔̹̻̭̝̥̼̖͇̣̲̺̼̘̘̟̦̠̍̑̉̃̑̏̽̏͆̋̿͐̄̃͋̈̽̈́͂͐͌̔̈͑̏̓͋̈́̂̍̓̑͑́̐̐͌̈́̒͐̏͊̂͑̑̋͂̈́͛̀̎͒͌́̏͑̾̎͘͘̕̚͘̕̕̕͘͜͜͝ ̸̳̼͍̜̻̻̩͇͆̍̀̾͒l̴̢̨̧̨̛̛̛̘̯̦̠̭̖̳̠͍̭̠̞͎̱̥͉̱͙̯̼͎͈̽͊͐͆̉̐̎͆͗̒͒́̈́̆͐͂͐̆̃̈̉͆͑̃̑͒͂̏̓̔̆̃̀̓́̉̔̍̇̎́̊͋̊̏̚͘͜͜͜͝ͅa̴̡̡̢̛̠̥͇̟̦̺͖̼̙͇̹̙͉͖͉̮̤̞̮̬̝̰͗̔̀̽͋͗̿͗͊̽̎̈́́̇̎̌̽̇̂̔́͌̑̏̒̈́̾̀͑̉̀̐̓̚̚͘͝ͅi̵̢̡̡̢̨̝̫̼̝̪̪͇͖̠̼̤̱͓̰̞͇͙̰̹͍̮̪͈̮̼̙̪̟̣͍͓͖̱̫̠̗̹̬̘̪̘͔̝̙̤̭̪̜̫͚̝͖̹̞̋̄͜͜ͅd̵̫̻̺͔̞̹̊̇̿̂͆́̅̋͗̊͂̑̉̂̌̕͜͝ ̷̨̨̨̛̣͈̝̳͔̜͔̬̘͎̣̺͙̟̳̯͈͓̞̙͍̥̯̣͖͈̹̬̪̩̱̯̻̙̲̰͍̥̱̬̺̺̪̦̗̓̍̃̔͛̑̈̏̔̉͒́́͐́͛̈́̂̓̍̓̀͐͐̒̓̓̎̾̑͌̾̆͌̄̈́͌̈̈̕͘̚͘͘͝͠͝͝b̵̲̲̖̆̑̑͑̐̔͛̏̈́̍̏̇̅̋̈̓̾̊̓̈͛̽̉͒̎̌̋͋̂̅̆̊̾̄̇̌̅̇̉̍̊̌̾̐̎͊͆̋̽̈́͘ą̵̢̧̨̨̢̧̠͇̺͉̱̠̻̮̳̜̞̰̤̺̳̯̭̹͓̬̭̹̱̥̣͍̣̭̭͎͕̣̯̩͉̻͔͍͖̭͕͕̺͇̙͚̜͖̩̜͎̳͖̘̖̯̫͕̙̯͋̈́͊̈́̃͛̓̂̈̆͊͂̽͊̄̂̅̄̃̓̓͋̅̉̓͑̈̋̔̒͊̂̃́̏͌́̆͋̐͂̕̕͠͝r̷̡̛͖͕͆͌͛̎͛̆̿̃̆̍͛͑͂͒͒͌̍́̓̊̊̈́̔̉̃̚̚͝͝͠ę̸̢̢̡̨̧̛̛̛̛̩͇̩̹̬̮͍͍̩̙̜̥͓̘̗̯̩͚̗̫̠͇͔̙̤̯̜̹̞̜̯̣̱̦̟̠̘̲͍͚̘̱̻̮̭̥͎͙͇̝͖̫̣͈͓͕̖̖̝͓̼̦̪̄̈̎̋̆̐͊͊͒͑͆̓̈́͗̓́͑͋͋͑͆͛́̇̓͗̎̆̾̈́̈́̊͊̑̋̔̉͂͆̇̈́͗͆͗̊̄̀͊̕̕̚̚͘͘͘͜͝͠͝ͅͅ ̵̢̨̧̛̛̛̛̹̠̲͓͖͙̯̲̃̾̿͛̇̈͌͂̃̒͂̅̎̂͆̏̍̂͌̎͆̾͌͆̋̓̂̌̔̾́̓̓̈́̒̊͂̓̆̋̏̀̚̕̕̕͝͝͝b̶̡̛̞̦̺̩̭̟̪̤̱̜̼͉̦̮̻̱͕̬͂́̂͐̈͊̓͆̌͋̎̅̂̒͝͝ę̷̢̛̛̠̩̹̙̜̻̖͎͙͍̞̻̪̻͍͇͎͚̗͚̟̣̖͖͚͖̲͎̬͖͍̪́͌̈́̈̋̅̀̍̿̆͆͑͒̏͋̂͂̓͊͊͒̌̈́̈́̚͜͜͝͠͠f̶̡̧̨̡̩̲̮͇̘̳͉͈̣̣͉͎̺̭̗̰̱̬͓̬͓̬̳̦̮̹̝̫̌̓͛͒͐͌͜͝͠ǭ̷̧̨̢̢̨̡̢̨̡̬͓̮͕̦̳̠͖͇̳̫̮̺̥̺̫̱̞̙͙̲̳̺͎̙̲̟͙̘̥̘͍̪̺̲̦̼͙͉͖̯̦͚̙͙̲̗͖͖̉̒͂̉̃͌̿͠ͅͅr̶̳̦͉̱̱̞̩̻͕͚͌͑͋̑̍̾̕ę̵̢̨̧̢̢̢̛̛͕̺̰̩̯͕̩̰̣̞̤̥͙̮̯͕̝̦̣̗̻̖̼̮̟̱͕̪͎̙͚̝͇̰̟̟͔͙̮̐̈́̿͐͋̌̓̃͂͒̽̂̅̎̈́̄̄̉̋͆̆̽̈̃̿̍͊͒̑́͊̓̂̄͒̎̾̍̅̍̇̂̓̾̋̅́͋̿͆̓͘͘͘̕͘̚̚͘͝͠͝͝͝͠͠ͅ ̷̧̧̧̢̢̨̧̛̛̗̘̼͇̻̯̳̙͇̦͓̣͇͇̥̝͔̜̣̪̗̦̣̦̗̫̣͎̮̹̪̻͉̺͙̟̬̥͈̰̘̺̰͔̱͔͉͉̰͓͔̖̣̞͈̼͎͎̤̼̯̥͌̒̋͋͋̋̀͒̐̍̒͐͊̂̔̆̓͌͋̂͊͐͗̈́̍̿͂̅͛̋̐̍̉̐̋̈́́̈̈́̉̍́͂̃̓͛͒̓͒̅̄̍͐͆̆͆̽̊̎̐̐͒͂̚͜͜͝ͅm̶̧̨̛̮̯̩̫̖͕̜̫͉͕̺̗̫̜̽̈́̈͗͒͂̑́̔̅̏͒̾̍̒̉̄̐̿́̄͌̔̓͗̈͂͌̽̈̈́̓̏̃̏̂̃̄̕͘̚͜͝͝y̸̡̡̢̨̨͚̺̙̞̬̠͍̯̻̝̱̦̞͕͕̲̠͇̬̼̜̜̞̫̬̭̟̘͔̝̳̳̰̣̣̳̭̞̼̞̤͎̬̬̯͉͔̘̬͇̤̣̙̻̋͆̉̂̇͂̔̓̈́̽̾́͋̀̋̌͆̂̔̔͂̎̈͋̔̅̊̕̚͘͠͠͠ͅͅͅ ̶̢̧̛͙̦͉͇̤̼͎̗̦̝̳̘͇̤̟̤̗̼̯̦̦̪̩̱̬͖̬̗̞̞̮̯̭̺͔͖͔͇̞̘̹͓̮̥̦͎̣̫̭̲͉̼̯̍̓̔̿̈́̋͆̋̍͗̀͐͆̓̈͐͐̑̿͌̒͆̌̾̂̏̃͐̔͊͐̿͑̆͆͑̓͘͘͝͝͝͝͝͠͝ͅg̵̣̬̖͙̰̻͉͓̹̻̗̼̥̯̟̒͊̔͌͗̂͛̾̎͋̽̎͂̌̐̃̎̿̉͒̌̌͜͠͝͝͠a̸̧̧͙̣̙̼̟͙̟͎͇̲̘̘̘̱͈̫̰̫̲̰̲̜̱̬̦̫̯͓̦̞͈̜̟̤̠̫̟̼̟̱̠̠̣͓̯̪̮̱͍̤͖̫̓̐͊̾͜͜ͅͅͅż̶̢̡̢̧̢̨̰̫̼͎̜̲̲̙͚̼͙͕͖̩̻̞͉̲̮̬̼̩̳̯͈̪͚̤͕͇͇̜̯̺̻͈̥̩̪̱̰̙̞͍́̃͂͐̈̃̃̉̔̏̂̐̽̃͐̒̋̑̏͊̔̋̔̈́̄͂͗͘͜͝͠͝͠͠ê̸̢̡̧͎̭̗̰̜̹̺͚̬̩̪̖̹͇̮̣̭͗̈́̈́̃́̉͊̿̄̇͛̍͌̆͌̃̂̇́͆͗̽͂̇͛̎̋̑̈̈́͊͗̅̒̍̃̒̈́̓̎͒͑̈́͋̅̒͆̄͂̄̈́̀̒̽͛̆̆͒̄͑̚̕̕͘͘͠͝͝͠ͅ.̷̢̡̧̧̡̢̡̨̮͔̖͇̟̥͔̜̬̬͉̗̼̞͓͇̭͇͓͔̺͕̫̲̩̳̙̪̙̼̯̯̥̼̰͓̺̟̣̬̙̗͉̉͑̍̇͂͑̇͐̂̈̆̋͒̐͆͋͐̑̓͂́̕̚̚͘͠͝ͅͅ ̵̢̢̡͇͔͔̱̠̩̻̼̙͈͚͈̥̟͆̐̃̈́͒͜Ą̴̡̧̼̹̮̘͓̭̲̱͙̻̖̦̩͇̳͖͙̝̩̰͔̟̫̦̭̘͕̭̬̭͔̰̣̫̜͔̪̈͊̈͂̈́̑̊̒̒̔̐͋͋̊͂̅͒̆̎̃̃̒̐̕̚͘̚͝ͅļ̴̢̨̡̧̧̛͚͖̬͙͖͍̭͇̻̲̬̠͎̤͎̣͙̳̺̤͙̞̯͎͕͚͚̯͕̫̠̙̟̰͎̹̠̟̬͖̦̬̱̲̮̤̞̬̼͚̳̻̪̖͔̬͔̝̭̲̂̇̿̈́͊̂̃̎͑̎̋̋̏͂̀̈̄̀͊͑̅̍̊̅͐͆̓̈́͂̏̽̆͛͗͒̇͋̌͋̽̄̔̒̎̕̚̕̕͘͜͝͝͝͝͝ͅͅļ̵̧̛̛̟̞̭̱͙̖̟̣̭̠̰̞̖̯͇̖͍̺̺̗͖̞̙̣͈̀̽̿͗͗̄̄̄͛͊͊̈́͑̆̈́̓̄̃̎̑̔́͒͒͆̂̍̀͛͋̎̿͆̓͋̇̍͌̊̂̎͗͑͑͗͗̑̃̓̇̐͐͘̕͘̕͠͝͠͝͝͝͠͝ ̷̠̘͙̳͒͆̔̀̀̏̈́̈́͊̐̆͊̆͛͑̀͘͝i̶̧̛̗̩̻̗͍̠̙̺̙̰̦̾̀͊͋̌̊̔͛̿̾͋̈́͂̊̾̀͑͐̓̄̽̅̊͊̒̈́̾̈́̄͒͛͆̒̚̚͝͝͝s̸̨̧̢̨̨̮̘̲̗̠͇͕͔͈̫͔̩̱͎̗̥͕̘̪͉͕͎͎̞̯̥̦͖̫̣̯͔͉͓̥̟̰̲̰̰̪̲͇̟͖̞͍͓͇̯̹͕̘̫̾̒̋͛̆̾̆̂̊̓̆͐̃̒̌̉͂̈́̀̀̏́̀̐͛̈͛̊̇̔̀̔̈͂̌̐̍̈͆̔͜͜͝ͅͅ ̸̢̨̡̢̧̛͉̙̲͇̬͔̦̲̣̜͚̦̱̩̬̜̠̠̮̹͉͍͓̙͍̤͖̳̞̞̹̻̬̮̻͍͕̣̱͓̺͉̜̺͇̯̀͒̒̈́̇͂̈́̒́̾̓̒̅̏͂͋̾̓̔̀̇̇̃̏̒̊̎͆̓̒̾͆̂̄̓̃͒͌̅̒̄͂̈́̈́͋̕͜͝͠͝ͅķ̴̢̨̧̛̰̻͚̪͎̤̙̪͚͚̤͎̹̤͎͚̖̲͕̹̟͚̱̲̞̪̬̹̦͍͔̫̪͉͕͙͕̭͍͈̺͍̠͚̻̞̞̰̟̖̺̒̍̽̋̔̈́̈́̊̎̔̿̐̄́̍͒̆̑̿͒̈́̍̑͛̔̅͂̇͋̓͒̀̂̑̐͑̃́̇͑̽͆̂͑̔͐͛̔̐̍̌̎̒̓͘̕̕͝͠͠͝͝͠͝ͅͅͅň̸̡̞̬̤̻͇͎̲̼̪̜͕̞͈͓͚͊͌̇͗͊̿̆̎͂͑̿̾̌̑̐̄̓̈́͑̑̉͂̇̂̔̈̐͗̌̎̊͂͑̑́̅̐̈̓̒̿̾̓͛̉̐͐̑͗̒̍̃͊̚͘̕̕͘̕͝͝͝͝͠ơ̷̡̢̨̢̛̛̪̺̗̩͖̯̦̟̤̺̹̯̜͓̝̱̼̹̼͎̜̻͎̭̤̫̮̪͍͌͐̈̂̇͐͑͋̇̽̈́̆̓̑̾̉̂̐̌͊̒̒̌̈́̇̂͋͋̆͐͋̉̎̊̍͘̚̚͜͝͝͠ͅw̵̡̛̛̛̛̛̫̹̘̲̥̎̏̊̾͛̏̌̆̒̈̄͒̓̾̏̀͆͆̏͐̋́͐̆͒̾͌͛̾̓̌̈́̾̉̏͗̎́̿͒̉̋͗̎͒̚͘̕͝ṇ̸̡̭̫̮͔͇̜̰̟̬͇̖̱̺͓̭̌̋͑͑͊̆̈́̐̒̄̿̂͘̚ ̷̡̢̦̬̯̗̳͔͔̯͔̤̣̝̩͓̙͓̹̝͊̊̒̈̿̋͜͜͜ţ̵̡̢̮̼̬͖̦̬͖̲̞̱͉̖̦̜͕̟̝̯̩̞̟̟̝̤͕̩͓͙͙͕̯̙̱̙̹̰̣̤̪̤̱̲̻̭͚͆̊́̎͗͊̐̎͛̓̏̍̂͆͊͊̈́̆̈́̈͊͐̂̽̊̽͆̍̄̈́͌́͂̍̃̽͘̚̕͜͝͝ͅͅo̶͚̘̠͈̫̪̣̲̮̲͊̿̓́̈́͂͗̌̓͒͝ ̸̡̢̮̥͉͇̣͙̳̮͕̖̘̟͇̤̥̪͓̗͉͖͚͚̝̜̟̯̏͑̌̈́̌̈̂͜ͅm̸̧̨̢̨̨̛̛̤̙̲͓̣̥̯̖̻͉̮̱̩̮͍̝̩̫̲̟̞̹̻̭̺̭̲̫̠̩͎͈͇̙̫͕̣̲̬͖̂́͊̍̉̍̈́̈́̈́͐̋͆͑͋͋͐̋̈́̋̆̃͊̈́̎̓͊̀̀̿̑̓͑̓͌̿̓͌̍̉̈́͒̅̽͆͛͑̂͑͗̽̈͛͌̄̈̒̕̚͘͝͝͝͝͠ͅë̵̡̨̨̢̱̫͍̭͈̦̣̱̲̰̞͈̯̠̰̟̮̮͓̩̟̯̹̩̭̰̦͚̱̯͕͕͇̬̩̠̰̜̼̖̬̣̺̭̯̰͕̞́̄̄̓̐̈́̒̐̊̈́̔̏̓̓̎͑̆̌́̽̂̿̌̾͂̈͊̀̐͂̕̕͜͝ͅͅͅͅ.̵̢̢̨̡̧̢̛̖͙͉͕͚̗̘̭͖͓̟̫̖̯̗̜̟͖̼̹͉͎̫͓͇̝̲̹̟̲͖̹̭̮̝͎̪̥̥͖̲̼̥̦͚̖͈̙̗̼̖̝̯͙̩̮̼͙̤̙̩̩̮̏̇̄̌̀̌͑͌̿̾͌̎̈́͐̓̐̓̔̈́̓̂̒̑̈̓̓̉̈́̎̉̔̓̈́̓̐͋̐̎̇̅̄͘̕̚͜͜͝͠͝͠ͅͅͅ

The three humans in the room collapsed screaming as their minds were slowly being shredded by the alien words. "However since I am merciful...Memoria valeo!"

The spasms wracking their bodies stopped as the eldritch knowledge was purged from their minds. As Aizawa struggled to get up he said to Ojiro, "And that is why you don't ask Nezu questions." Ojiro barely heard his tired teacher as his mind struggled to overcome the shock it had gone through.

"Now I will ask you again, how did you find out about magic?" Ojiro almost answered before he remembered the experience he just went through and shut his mouth. He looked over at Aizawa for help in escaping this conundrum since All Might was staying on the floor in fear of his life.

His teacher gave a tired sigh. “It’s fine if you answer his questions, just don’t ask any.” This was making as much sense as how his classmates acted so all in all his new normal.

So Ojiro started to explain. “Well first it was just this weird feeling. Like something about my classmates was off. So I started investigating. Then fast forward about a week when I stumbled upon Tokoyami about to perform a blood sacrifice in the bathroom. Then there was the time I straight up asked Midoriya what he was and he directed me to Bakugou who told me he was a forest spirit. And then I continued to ehrm, investigate (It’s not stalking!) because nobody could act like a normal human so magic was really the only decent explanation.”

Nezu seemed to be intrigued by this new information. “And what exactly did they do that was so strange?”

What did they not do? Everything they did was utter insanity. It was going to be hard to choose, but he had some good examples. “Well Shoji doesn’t seem to grasp the concept of doors properly since he often destroys them if he isn’t reminded. Then there was the time that Bakugou fought someone because they put a vegetable on his plate during lunch. Iida is always doing weird hand gestures, Aoyama is always posing, and Tokoyami hides in the air vents to brood. Speaking of which I’m 95% certain it was Aoyama responsible for the theft of the cheese and making that cheese sculpture three days ago. Momo once made a death ray and some contraption out of tungsten to make tea since she forgot her electric kettle one day. Honestly I could go on.”

“So this is strange?”

“Yessss?” How could the principal not think any of that was out of the ordinary?

“So these aren’t things that humans normally do?” Nezu questioned.

“NO! None of this is normal!” God has abandoned me. Why I am the only normal person? Why God why?

“Hmm. I shall look into this some more. But now I must find out how we misidentified you.” Ojiro yelped as the principal pulled some hairs from his fluffy tail. “This will be a good start,” he said before putting them in his mouth and eating them as he retreated back to his seat. Ojiro could only stare in shock as the canine-rodent-whatever-creature continued to chew on his hair.

Nezu spat out the wad of hair and then proceeded to poke the saliva coated mass. “I am suddenly very concerned about this,” Ojiro stated which translated to “Why the hell would you do that?!” when one can’t ask questions.

Nezu hemmed and hawed over the disgusting blob on his desk. “It’s still not enough. I’m going to need some blood and urine samples.” Ojiro started to back away as the principal climbed onto his desk.

“But I don’t want to.” It was a weak excuse but he was dealing with a madman. Mad mouse? Dog? Whatever creature Nezu was, he was insane.

“Too late!” Nezu cackled as he lifted two vials in his paws each filled with the aforementioned bodily fluids. Ojiro really did not want to know when the principal had gotten them. It was concerning that he had them in the first place, much less how he had acquired them. He gradually inched over to Aizawa as the only bastion of sanity in this room while the principal continued to laugh. Nezu’s insane laughter continued even as he brought out a miniature flamethrower from a desk drawer and incinerated the blood sample. The other sample was subjected to electrocution from a taser.

“Well I seem to have discovered the problem,” Nezu explained as he hopped off his desk. “You have quite a wonderful tail Mr. Mashirao. The muscle density in it is four times that of a normal human limb.” Ojiro was not going to question how the principal had discovered this from his “experiments” with the flamethrower and taser. “Such effects are normally the result of prolonged usage of enhancement magic to strengthen one’s muscles. And since your quirk is ‘Tail’ there was reason to suspect the increased density as anything but the result of magic when we scanned you. And since those who practice magic are automatically on our approval list we took no precautions against you discovering what we assumed you already knew.

“No matter. We can easily rectify this if you sign this contract here,” he said as he unfurled a piece of paper filled with arcane symbols. Ojiro was a quick learner and didn’t question the fact that somehow it had appeared from nowhere. It was probably magic. Nezu couldn’t just break the laws of physics and create matter from nothing. Right? “It’s a simple nondisclosure agreement which prevents you from informing through any means the existence of magic to other people.” Feeling like he was signing his soul to the devil Ojiro took the offered pen that was suddenly in the principal’s paw and signed the paper.

Chapter Text

Todoroki was unaware of the disaster that was about to take place. His mouth closed unwittingly around the cool flesh. The slight give was foreign in his mouth before it was crushed between his teeth. He felt the lifeblood leaking out and rushing down his throat as he instinctively swallowed. His eyes widened in surprise as he realized what had happened. God what had he done?

Ojiro was slowly getting used to his classmates and their antics. Or maybe it was that they might possibly be getting less strange. It had been a few days since anything really unusual had happened. "Is anyone here a cannibal?" Todoroki frantically shouted as he burst through the door. 

.

..

…

He took it back. His classmates were not normal.

"Please, I need to know. You're the last person in class that I can ask." Shoto looked absolutely desperate like his life was on the line. It was such a shock seeing the normally stoic boy looking like this. Most of Ojiro's curiosity had been quelled by Nezu and his next level insanity, but even the bit that remained did not want to get involved with cannibalism. It was probably for the best if he just steered Todoroki away to bother someone else.

"Maybe you should talk to one of the teachers?" Ojiro hesitantly suggested. It was kinda their job to help the students with their problems and that might include cannibal related issues. Honestly he wasn't sure, but it certainly couldn't hurt to ask.

It was like the half and half boy had received a divine revelation. "Oh course! Vlad King is a vampire. He should know something," he said before rushing off. 

Ojiro filed away that fact for later. It was obvious in hindsight given his quirk (magic?), but the man was remarkably tan and full of vigor for being undead. This would require more investigating (Not Stalking!) after he had figured out the rest of the class.

"Vlad King sensei! Are you a cannibal?" Todoroki shouted as he burst into class 1B. The lesson came to a halt at the completely unexpected appearance of the class 1A student.

Vlad King was just as surprised as his students. "What are you doing here? Lunch ended five minutes ago." He looked sternly at Shoto. "Is this another one of your Shoto-spiracies™?" He asked. Shoto-spiracies™ had already become quite well known around UA as well as the chaos that inevitably followed.

"No, please I, you, you have to, I didn't want, I didn't want to, but I did and I hate it, but I did, and, and, and..." Todoroki broke down crying on the floor obviously overwhelmed.

"Ah geez kid." Kan sighed as he resigned himself to dealing with this kid who wasn't even in his class. "Kendo, you're in charge. Make sure they do the reading. I need to find out what's wrong," he said scooping up the still crying Todoroki.

Seven minutes later Todoroki had calmed down enough in Nezu’s office to try and tell the principal what had happened to distress him so much. “It all started with lunch. Normally I’m very careful when I get my drink, but this time they were serving some sort of chilled fruit juice as a different option. I took a glass, but I didn’t check it beforehand because my friends had already gotten a table and I didn’t want to hold them up. And then when I took a sip I...I...I crunched some ice!” Todoroki broke down crying again as he remembered the taboo act he committed.

"You crunched some ice?" Nezu asked confused for once.

"Yes! I didn't mean to, but I did," he sobbed.

"Would you like me to call your mother?"

Todoroki's face lost all its color. "Please no. Nobody can know about this. Nobody!" 

Nezu cackled insanely. "Too late! She's already on her way here. I'll leave this problem to her. I always have such difficulties understanding your silly emotional spats. Toodle loo," he said hopping off his desk and leaving a distraught Todoroki in his office. Hopefully the cafeteria was still serving that fruit juice.

“So do you care to explain why I needed to pick you up?” Rei Todoroki asked as she looked at her son in the rear view mirror. “Your principal didn’t give me any details other than you were uncontrollably crying over something you’ve done.” Shoto continued to stay quiet in the backseat. “Shoto I want you to trust me. I don’t want this family returning to what it was like before. So whenever you’re ready please let me know what’s wrong.” As silence returned to the car once again Rei turned her attention to the road instead of her son.

Both of them remained in silence for the rest of the ride home and it was only once they had entered that Shoto started to speak. “Mom.” Rei turned to her son in interest. “Do..Do you love me?” he asked turning away.

Pain quickly fell across Rei’s face as she heard that question, but it passed just as fast. “Oh Shoto,” she pulled him into a hug. “I will always love you. Don’t ever feel like you need to impress me or perform well enough. You’ve already shown me how strong you can be. So I will always love you no matter what.”

“Even if I was a cannibal?”

“Yes even, wait what?” she spluttered. Did he just say what she thought he did? She was pretty sure if he had done something like this the school wouldn’t have just let him go home. “Can you explain a bit more?”

Shoto was hesitant, but encouraged by his mother’s words he carried on. “It happened at lunchtime. I didn’t mean to, but the drink had ice in it and then I accidentally crunched some when I took a sip and…”

Shoto was pushed away and he feared it was out of disgust until he heard his mother laughing. That was even worse. He had gone and committed such an evil thing. He was the worst kind of villain ever. But the worst part was, he had enjoyed it. It felt good feeling the ice collapse under his teeth and the cold going down was delightful. He was struggling over this fact and his mother was laughing at him.

“And here I thought that it was something serious,” she was able to wheeze out between her laughs.

“But it is something serious,” he protested. “I ate ice and I’m a cannibal now.”

Calming herself down Rei dropped her glamour and held out her crystalline hand to her son. “Take my hand.” Shoto knowing that she was serious if she had dropped her glamour, clasped her hand in both of his. “Do you feel it? The coldness upon your skin and in your blood, the whirl of a freezing wind, the gentle drifting of snowflakes, the slow creep of frost.” SHe gently took her hand out of his grasp and put it on his shoulder. “That is the ice that is within you. Eating an ice cube would be like eating a stone and claiming you’re a cannibal because both of you share some minerals.”

“So I’m not a cannibal,” Shoto said with such a relieved look upon his face that Rei had to laugh again.

“No you’re not, my little frost fire.” She continued to smile at her son. After Touya ran away and then the divorce with Enji she had made it her life mission to fight ignorance and how it trapped people like her in bad situations. Even if it was a rather silly misunderstanding the look on her son’s face made it all worth it. She wasn’t ever going to let her family become one of suffering ever again. It had hurt her heart so much. Frostlings were naturally carefree, so it was unnatural seeing her children scared and subdued. She would do her best to bring smiles like these out at every opportunity.

The front door clicked open interrupting the sweet moment and causing both Todorokis turned to it in surprise. Shoto burst into a bigger smile when he saw who it was. “Touya, guess what. I’m not a cannibal!”

His older brother quirked an eyebrow at that statement as he entered and took off his shoes. There was obviously a story there and also a reason for mom being home early, but he was tired. He just wanted to go to his room and sleep, but his mother stopped him before he could leave the entry hall.

“And what have you been up to young man?” she sternly questioned. She supported his independence, but she cared deeply for all of the family that remained. She knew it was irrational, but she was worried that one day if Touya left, he would run away again. She had been so lucky that the police found him and she could offer him a stable home.

“Oh nothing much,” he replied nonchalantly before giving a slick smile. “But Dabi might be making an appearance later today.”

Rei sighed when she heard this. She didn't like how her eldest son continued to hang around his father. It was going to get him in trouble one day. "What did you do this time?"

Touya faked a look of shock and clutched his chest. “Why mother I was simply concerned that Endeavor was feeling lonely in that big empty house of his. So I decided to help him out by getting him some kittens to keep him company.”

“You didn’t.” Rei could only stare at Touya after he revealed what he had done.

“True. I didn’t do anything. Even Dabi wasn’t responsible for this one. I had Toga helping me on this one. And before you go saying that I shouldn’t have involved her,” he said, holding up a hand to stop his mother before she could complain, “you need to watch the video.”

Rei didn’t want to admit it, but the prank was hilarious. It was absolutely surreal seeing the normally quite fierce Flame Hero running around trying to pick up little cats who were much faster than him. The best part was when Toga (using her quirk to disguise herself as a young child) slapped Endeavor and called him a “big meanie” because he wanted to burn the cats. The especially cruel part of the prank was that Endeavor was allergic to pet dander so even after all the cats were gathered up he would be quite miserable in his own home. Both she and Shoto were laughing throughout the whole thing.

It was extremely cathartic for Rei to watch, but she still needed to lay down the law. She couldn’t exactly condone what Touya was doing as his online identity as Dabi. “I won’t say I didn’t enjoy it, but I’ve told you not to go bothering Endeavor. So you’re grounded for a week, until you get ten thousand views.” They both knew that it would be there in less than two days. Rei didn’t want to stop her children from expressing themselves even if it made her worry.

Shoto tapped on her shoulder. “Hey mom. Can we go get ice cream since I know it’s not cannibalism now? I've never had any before.” She was Rei Todoroki and she was going to make her family whole and happy. Including solving the tragedy of never having ice cream.

Chapter Text

Monday: Chemistry

"Ojiro, you'll be paired up with Midoriya for the lab. And no complaints, everybody is having random partners because you'd never work with anyone else without my intervention." Ojiro felt that Midnight was an okay teacher most of the time (when she wasn't ogling them) but right now he wanted anybody else. He'd even take Bakugou.

"Hey! I didn't say you could start yet. And what did I say about using a Bunsen burner instead of using your quirk?"

"You can't tell me what to do, you discount hooker!" Bakugou shouted at Midnight.

"Discount hooker?" Midnight spluttered in shock. "You should show me some respect. I'd never degrade myself below exotic female backup dancer," she stated proudly.

Ojiro sweatdropped at their interaction. Okay maybe he didn't want Bakugou as a lab partner. He was fond of his eyebrows and couldn't cover himself in stone like Kirishima to protect himself from Bakugou's fire. Momo was good at chemistry. She would have been better.

He looked over to where she was and caught a quick glimpse of her dropping something into a boiling pot. She quickly slammed a lid on the pot and flipped latches to keep it in place. Momo had barely ducked behind her desk before it exploded in a burst of gas that ended up embedding the lid in the ceiling. Somehow in the time between looking for the errant lid, finding it, and looking back a large crystal was growing up from the pot.

Momo broke off a small piece from the top and examined it. Finding it to her satisfaction she dropped it into a nearby teacup he had failed to notice. Taking a small sip of her tea brought a smile to her face.

Nope. Momo was crazy too. Maybe Sato? A glance over at Sato's station showed a mini thunderstorm, blizzard, and stream of fire coming from separate test tubes.

You know? Having Midoriya for a lab partner wasn't too bad. 

SLURRRRP

He wanted to say he was surprised. He wanted to be like he was before and have some feeling of shock from seeing the abnormal, but he couldn't. He had seen Midoriya quench his thirst from puddles on the ground and drink mud from a glass like it was a smoothie. He couldn't even muster up a bit of concern for the other boy drinking chemicals. Somehow all of his classmates had survived so far despite their absolute ineptitude. He'd be fine.

"Midoriya. You aren't supposed to drink the chemicals" Ojiro said resignedly.

"If I'm not supposed to drink them, then why are they in a glass? Checkmate Atheists."

"I'm not, what?" Ojiro's mind stuttered in confusion at the non sequitur. 

.

..

...

Wait. No . 

"Kaminari!" Ojiro angrily shouted. "We all agreed. No teaching Midoriya memes!" The electric blond only gave a nervous chuckle in response.

SLURRRRP

Izuku held out a beaker of some red fluid like a peace offering while he continued to casually sip from his own. Ojiro's palm slowly slid down his face as he futilely tried to deal with his classmates. And it was only Monday.

Chapter Text

Tuesday: Literature and Writing

The class had gone relatively smoothly (only two pieces of furniture were destroyed) which concerned Ojiro. If it seemed like his life was going normally that was when the universe stepped in. Something strange always happened to him.

Then again maybe he was overreacting. After all, how could anyone mess up a writing assignment? Even with their destructive tendencies and insane behavior there was only so much his classmates could do.

"Okay Listeners times up. Now who wants to present their radical writing to a live audience? Do I have any Listeners willing to call in?" Present Mic asked.

"I have something that's better than anything these peasants can ever make. You're all going to see some real art," Bakugou proclaimed. Of course the proud boy would be the first to volunteer. "I call this piece Wolf’s Song. It's a series of four haiku."

the Lady in White

She sings like a sweet siren

I answer the call

call it lunacy

I know that it’s devotion

my Mistress: the Moon

I shed my old skin

and embrace my destiny

a Knight of the Night

And when She is gone

I shall wait, my Loyalty

Endless. Eternal.

Everyone was stunned. Nobody had expected the fierce boy to write something so delicate. “Bakugou that was, it was beautiful,” Present Mic sniffed wiping away a tear. “I never knew you could write something like this.”

Bakugou did not like to hear this. “You think I can’t be delicate hunh? You think that I couldn’t make fucking soft poetry? I’ll show you art bastard!” Bakugou shouted leaping at the teacher. Only to be yanked backwards by some of Sero’s tape.

His plea for Bakugou to calm down backfired as the angry blond took out his fury on him instead. Present Mic just ignored it in favor of carrying on with class. “Okay anybody else want to present?”

"Ooh, ooh. I want to go. Pick me," Midoriya said excitedly waving his hand.

"Well okay then my funky little Listener. Show us your work."

Midoriya walked up to the front of the classroom and faced everyone. "I call it Green ."

It is green.

Grass green

Leaf green

Mold green

Grasshopper green

Hair green

Moss green

Algae green

Emerald green

Pine green

Lime green

Lizard green

Apple green

Clover green.

It is green.

"Thank you for listening," he said taking a small bow.

Again everyone was surprised, but for very different reasons. This felt so basic and simple, like something a child might write. Present Mic felt very differently about this.

“Midoriya that was magnificent! Your meaning is so clear. Nature has a beautiful simplicity to it and it is man who spoils that. We use so many different names complicating it, but in the end it is just one thing. Green. This is truly a masterpiece of art." Everyone else sweatdropped at hearing how Present Mic was reading too much into it.

"Wow, a masterpiece. Why'd you say that art was difficult Kacchan? This was really easy," Izuku said to his friend.

"I'll show you how easy making art is you bastard! Come here you little fucker!" This time Bakugou was restrained by several of Shoji's tentacles holding him back.

Present Mic paid as much attention to the incident as he had the first one. "Right, well anyone else want to present? Kirishima how about you come up." The rocky boy came to the front to present his piece.

"I wasn't so fancy and didn't make poetry like these two, but I hope you enjoy it anyway," he said as he nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

Rocks and why they are the Superior Mineral Substance

• Metals are cold when you first touch them while rocks feel much warmer
• Rocks can have more variations in texture than metals or gems
• Rocky surfaces are better for getting rid of that itch on your back
• Rocks provide better resting places as they are slowly molded to your scales unlike other substances
• Rocks have more designs and colors than metals and more patterns than crystals
• Crystals and metals reflect light into your eyes blinding you while rocks don't
• Rocks make a satisfying cracking crunchy sort of noise when you claw them in contrast to metal's ugly screeching
• Rocks are everywhere making them easy to acquire and build up a collection
• The word rock can have a guttural and thus manly "r" sound
• Rocks come in a variety of sizes therefore it's easy to find the right ones that fit together for a nest
• Sand is small so it sneaks between your scales and is itchy
• Sand also moves too much while rocks can be counted on to stay in place
• Gravel is okay, but it always seems pointy which means you can't rest on it like smooth rocks
• Swallowed rocks can help with indigestion helping pulverize food you accidentally ate whole
• Dirt gets under your claws and sticks to your scales unlike rocks
• Stone is purified rock which means it has lost its manliness and is no good

"Thank you all for listening to why rocks are the best thing ever." Nobody really knew how to respond to Kirishima's comment.

“Such an interesting perspective. I never would have even considered some of those points towards rocks’ superiority but all of those points are so true. You are truly the leader in avant garde geology. Maybe I should start a rock garden to get some of those benefits,” Present Mic mused to himself.

Ojiro noticed Mina and Sero getting into a conversation with Kirishima about caves or something before he turned his attention to Shoji at the front.

“I decided to do a stream of consciousness description about the ocean,” Shoji explained.

The Depths

current north cold swimming against see flash fish shining bright approach behind scared dashes off alone again darkness keep going darkness hungry hear whales singing far off too large tiring something easy keep searching swimming swimming swimming still darkness water warmer hydrothermal vents deadly toxic avoid swimming swimming shark sharp teeth strong tail dangerous too hungry attack rip rend strangle crushing biting blood and blood satisfied hurt rest sleep darkness sleep wake swim up moon full watch watch watch set darkness sink darkness light swimming alluring find it swims catch  tentacles eat satisfied enough rest again dark again

“Thank you for letting me voice my thoughts,” Soji said.

And once more Present Mic didn’t let the confusion of everybody else keep him silent. “Absolutely stunning. By getting rid of so much of the chaff you greatly magnified the bare description that remained. I could truly envision myself as some abyssal creature who had mainly instincts for thoughts. The hunger, the darkness, the endless swimming. I felt all of that. Great job Shoji,” he said, giving the student one of his signature thumbs up.

“Now we have enough time left in class for one more. So who wants to go?” Present Mic questioned.

“I guess I can go.” Jiro unexpectedly stood up. She normally wasn’t one for presenting, but maybe after seeing the insanity of the rest of the class she didn’t have any qualms. At least that was what Ojiro thought.

All he could make out was her mumbling something about “a song of my people” before his ears were assaulted by booming thunderclaps. As she continued a storm started to form around her. The howling of the wind and the pounding of the rain were impossible to hear through his deafened eyes. All he could continue to sense was the deep rolls of thunder that continued to roar.

FInally it ended, but the noise continued. “WOAH MAMA YEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! NOW THAT’S SOME REAL HEART FILLED ART! I LOVE IT! OOOOH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" He gave a little cough. "I mean good job Jiro. Though maybe next time tone it down a little bit. Other than that perfect,” Present Mic commented.

Ojiro couldn’t take it any more. “This was supposed to be an assignment about fine literature! How did we get here?”

“Well I think that they did a fine job. Therefore it counts as fine literature doesn’t it?” This was said with the utmost sincerity and no sarcasm. Present Mic’s explanation of how their assignments devolved into this mess caused Ojiro’s eye to start twitching.

Oh God! Now the teachers were infected with the crazy too. This was too much. “It’s one of these weeks, isn’t it?” He broke down and started crying at his desk. After everything else it felt therapeutically normal.

“But Ojiro, how can it be one of ‘those weeks’ if it’s only Tuesday,” Midoriya helpfully pointed out.

He started sobbing harder hoping that the insanity could be purged from his body with the liquids.

Chapter Text

Wednesday: Civics and Government

"Okay class, time to settle down," All Might's voice boomed out. "I know that you might not view this as the most exciting class. That's probably why they put the number one hero in charge, to save you from boredom. Ha ha ha," he threw back his head as he laughed. Nobody joined in. They all just stared at him. All Might wasn't nearly as cool when he tried to be "hip" and "relatable".

Eventually it faded into uncomfortable silence with everyone waiting. "Okay moving on,” he said trying to ignore the awkward pause he made. “Now before we begin I have a question for all you heroes in training. What's the one rule we follow that sets heroes apart from ordinary citizens?"

"Don't eat dirt from private property and only from public spaces if you have permission," Midoriya shouted out.

How did one even respond to statements of this insanity? "Err, that's not quite what I was going for, but you follow that advice."

"You got it All Might," Izuku cheerfully replied.

"Yes Bakugou," he said calling on the explosive boy in question.

"Restraining yourself from blasting in the villains' shitty faces because they need to know their place? Exert your dominance and superiority over them by utterly crushing them and show them they're worth less than the dirt on your feet? That applies to all you shitty extras too," he growled, glaring at his classmates.

How to encourage him in a positive manner, without condoning some of the more extreme parts? "I...appreciate your...restraint in such manners, Bakugou. Really I do. It's... astounding really," he said haltingly and unconvincingly while cringing on the inside. 

Somehow Bakugou bought it. "You hear that? You should all accept you're trash because you have nowhere near my level of discipline," he boasted, missing the irony in his bragging.

“But it’s ah, still not quite what I was looking for,” All Might said gently to avoid setting off the young werewolf.

“Ooh, is it swallowing your pride to work with treacherous backstabbing snakes against a common enemy?”

“Forgiving people who wove deceit like webs and tried to bring about your demise in order to benefit both parties?”

Sero and Mina glared at each after giving their answers before both turned away with a huff. All Might knew some of the history that led to their animosity, but he did not want to get in between that . “Humility and forgiveness are both good characteristics for heroes to have, but what I’m referring to is a bit more tangible,” he said hinting towards what he thought was an obvious answer.

“A good set of reagents?” All Might was shaking his head at Sato.

“Documented proof of your alibis for when your pranks go wrong?” Squinted eyes accompanied his head shake for Hagakure.

“A twinkling halo of light around you that sears your enemies eyes while they weep at your beauty?” Several sets of concerned glares were directed towards Aoyama.

“Blood spilled from innocents to bring forth twisted horrors from the depths of the endless abyss of chaos and destruction?” Everyone was staring appalled at what Tokoyami had said. “I mean erhm, sidekicks? Yes, totally meant that.” 

Even All Might found himself nodding along to Tokoyami’s answer. Sidekicks were very important to heroes helping to ease their workload. They were also helpful in establishing a hero’s image and...No no no! What is he thinking?! 

“I’m sorry, but sidekicks are still considered heroes by the government so your answer doesn’t really work.” All Might patted himself on the back. That could have been a disaster if he hadn’t spoken up. It would have been horrible if they actually listened to Tokoyami’s answer. Thankfully he had put a stop to it before it could become a problem.

“It's a hero license. That’s what makes somebody a hero instead of a civilian.” Everybody turned to see who would give such a crazy answer. To the immense shock of the universe as a whole it was Izuku, not Ojiro as the class expected. Nobody could believe it. How had the normally so sensible broccoli boy been corrupted by insanity?

All Might was relieved to finally have someone give the correct answer. “That’s right.” The class let out a giant, “WHAT?!” in shock. “But how did you figure it out?” All Might asked, intrigued that someone had come to the right answer.

Izuku was all too happy to explain. “See despite all of his oddities, Ojiro is surprisingly good at almost every subject. So I simply channeled my inner Ojiro. All of his answers are painfully basic yet at the same time astoundingly insane. So after some consideration the answer was painfully obvious to me.”

Ojiro wanted to be insulted by how his classmates were nodding along to Izuku’s explanation, but honestly it was a relief. If he considered their actions unusual and strange then in their eyes it would make sense that he was the strange one by acting normal. And it was flattering in an odd way to have his classmate mimic his behavior in order to succeed.

“Geez Deku why can’t you act more like a normal person?” Bakugou complained trying to hide how upset he was over not being the one to answer the question right.

“Oh don’t worry I won’t be trying that again. It felt really weird to try and think like that. I don’t know how Ojiro does it. He must be really crazy to do that everyday even for good grades.” 

Scratch that Ojiro decided. He wasn’t flattered at all anymore. They could act their normal and he would act his, thank you very much.