Chapter Text
Johan had fallen for Judai pretty quickly.
He had always been interested in that boy he had heard about, who could see and talk to spirits the way he did, and honestly, when he finally got to meet him, he wasn't disappointed.
Judai was sweet and kind and a happy soul with a naive, unguarded worldview that could make him sound callous sometimes, even though he never meant anything bad. And seriously, he was too cute for his own good.
So Johan had fallen in a few days.
His only, very very small, disappointment was that while Judai had really deep bonds with his spirits, none barred Hane Kuriboh seemed that close to him. Mostly they seemed to see him as their master, as their god even when the boy treated them as friends. Sure, he created the neo spacians, so in a way he was some kind of god to them, but their mostly silent obedience had still seemed much colder than the warmth Johan's family gave him.
It was weird, he remembered thinking, for such a warm boy to not be as pampered by his spirits as Johan was, he expected more passion and outspoken love from them.
When he met Yubel and learnt who they were he couldn't help but think 'Oh! So that's where it all was.'
They’ve been traveling and living together for a while, now. There are times when he wakes up at night and sees one of Judai's heroes watching over him, a silent protector, ready to defend their king, their god, as he sleeps, vulnerable.
Sometimes he remembers that always being on high alert like that used to be Yubel's job and still was in a way.
Sometimes he wonders how paranoid having to protect your whole world and still losing him can make you and if he'd turn insane.
Johan doesn't like Yubel. It's not really a choice, they took his body, ripped his soul away from it and used his family against their wishes. He kind of had to hate them even if they weren't his rival in love. But there are two issues that came with it.
The first is Judai. Judai loves Yubel as much as he loves Johan, and even more important, the two are forever united now, you can't have one without the other. And it's impossible to get mad at Judai for that, because he saved them all.
Even the villain.
The hero saves the villain thanks to the power of love. It's the perfect fairy tale ending if you forget the terrible nightmares, the awful guilt and the fact that Judai will now probably outlive all of his friends.
He can be a little sad that Judai had to give up on his ability to choose, that it was either Johan could stand Yubel's presence or Johan and Judai wouldn't meet again. He wonders if Judai would have chosen him if it had come to that. The very small insecure part of him that he didn't even know existed before that dimensional trainwreck sometimes likes to ask him what he is, really, in front of a bond deep enough that it lasted millenia.
Well he is the one Judai loves so much that even jealous Yubel would rather get along with him than hurt Judai by separating them, so how's that for insecurity, huh?
And the second reason?
The second issue, as awful as it was, was that he understood Yubel.
He was both possessive and protective after all, sharing was never one of his strong points. If it was the only way to protect someone he cared for, he would not hesitate to become violent either, especially if he felt someone had hurt them. And if he lost someone he loved? The simple thought was as unbearable as that week, waiting for Judai to come back (hoping, praying to all that was powerful that he and his family were okay when everyone around him kept saying Judai was dead), had been.
Yubel was like a dark mirror, showing him all he could become in all its terrifying yet alluring glory. And it made it impossible to hate them.
It had been easier when they had just been a villain who trapped them on another dimension and then took over his body, and when Judai had saved him with fury on his face and eyes that didn’t sparkle as much as before.
It became harder when Shou explained to him what they had learnt while he was away, who Yubel was to Judai and how they had become distorted by some terrible force that apparently they had Judai to thank for getting rid of. It became even harder when Judai came back with an explanation, a guest in his soul, a broken teary smile and eyes full of regret for many things, but not for forgiving Yubel.
The love of Johan's life had to be the reincarnation of someone already promised to someone else. Figures.
Johan knows Judai loves him. It's what makes the situation so complicated after all. Imagine loving someone with all you have. Then amnesia happen and you forget them. Then you fall for someone else that you love just as much. And then you remember that person you loved so much and still do.
How do you choose when both of your loves are infinitely true?
Johan made pretty quickly the decision that he'd have to learn how to share. Part of him just refused to let go of that boy who looked so tired during their second to last duel but still managed to silently understand him, laugh with him and then save the world in the same day.
Part of him, also, refused to let Yubel get an absolute victory. They'd get Judai forever, continuously, the lucky jerk, they could at least learn to share for a while.
And so they did.
It’s spring and Johan looks at Judai sleeping on the grass, Pharaoh purring on his stomach, in that park where they decided to lay down for a while. He always sleeps better during the day, when there's life bustling around. So Johan waits, looking at him fondly, wondering if Yubel will come.
They have made their presence more obvious these days, since Judai came to this after-tournament party with a mysterious smile and a red mist that disappears everytime Johan tries to look at it. Johan thinks it's because they're becoming more comfortable with him.
The crystal beasts shift and Johan smiles, raising his eyes towards the winged fiend.
"Hey." He says.
They nod quietly.
"So he's having a peaceful sleep?" He murmurs.
They finally look at him, annoyed, but if they really didn't want his company, they wouldn't be here.
"It's always better during the day, when there's noise."
No wonder he slept so much during class. Sometimes he wonders why Judai never told anyone about his difficulties to sleep when it’s dark and silent and instead accepted to be seen as a lazy bum by everyone around him.
"I also suppose creatures of darkness are stronger during the night."
Yubel smirks at him and the expression is challenging, but not unkind.
"That we are." Is all they say.
They stay silent then, it's not tense. Amethyst starts clamoring for his attention while Ruby is chasing Hane Kuriboh. The rest of his family is chattering inanely under the sun.
It's a nice day, Johan feels like he could stay like this forever.
"You should materialize Yubel more."
Judai stops himself in the middle of his bite and looks at him, puzzled. They were having dinner around a campfire, and Johan is dirty because today's spirit saving included a lot of crawling in the dirt, and Yubel wouldn't stop snarking at them so Johan is getting his sweet little revenge.
"Excuse me?"
"You know? In general. They could help us during work, and also the others could properly meet them? It's kind of unfair that I'm the only one who gets the honour of hearing their beautiful voices."
Judai is hesitating but there's a small smirk on his face and Johan can almost hear Yubel protest in his head.
"I'll work on it," he promises, "they're powerful after all, it might be a lot of effort for few results, especially if they don't want to cooperate."
When Judai finally tries to summon Yubel in the physical world, they are very cooperative.
"What should we watch?" Johan asks scrolling through the list of movies they can rent in the hotel room he insisted they took for once (and it was really hard to find one that accepted cats). "There are some action flicks, dramas, a few horror ones… oh, didn't you have that one in your Osiris room?"
At the corner of his eye he barely sees Judai's flinch. The man gives him a fake smile.
"Ah, yes I did… Not that one, please."
Johan doesn't know the movie, it's a Japanese romance where a widowed family mother played by an actress he thinks used to be famous finds love again in a lonely piano player. It never sounded like something Judai enjoyed watching or that could provoke such a reaction.
Over Judai's shoulder, Yubel shakes their head, silently telling him not to ask any question.
So Johan stays silent and starts a horror movie.
It felt like the best of decisions when he starts pretending to be scared to get a hug. Feeling Judai tense during jump scares and then swear softly in some inhuman language is so much better than any movie.
"Say, do you remember how your duel with Yubel went?"
Judai is still thinking up ideas about how to help the kid they met earlier control when she does and when she doesn’t materialize her monsters. It’s not an issue he ever had to deal with so he’s a bit at a loss there, but he’s thinking it may have to do with her emotions, so he’s been jotting down ideas and really isn’t ready when Johan asks him that.
“Where does that come from?” he asks.
“Well, I only got a glimpse of it, through Rainbow Dragon,” Johan admits, “I don’t know how you got there or even how it ended, just that after it you ended up fusing with them because it was the only way to save everyone. So I’ve been wondering.”
It’s morbid curiosity in a way. He hesitated for a long time but it’s been eating at him since Judai and Yubel came back with this new world in their sad eyes. He hopes this won’t bring back that many sorrowful memories, that the pain has dulled enough.
Judai puts down his notepad and smiles wistfully.
“It was a long one. Yubel used Magic Chronicle very early, do you know what it does?”
“Banish five cards from your deck, everytime the opponent uses a magic card you gain a chronicle counter, and during your main phase you can remove two counters to force your opponent to choose one of the banished cards and add it to your hand. Is that right?”
“Exactly. Of course, Super Polymerization was one of the five.”
Johan winces and shivers.
“Of course… It could make you hesitate before using magic cards I guess.”
Judai has a small self deprecating laugh.
“I use magic cards far too much for that to stop me. I figured I’d just have to defeat them before I had no choice but to pick Super Polymerization.”
His eyes fall as he starts slowly twirling his pen, lost in thoughts.
“The first card I chose was Zero Sprite. A few turns later, they used it to attack me twice.”
Johan opens his mouth, alarmed by his distant tone, but Judai keeps going.
“Then I chose Fiend Rose. They used it to stop themselves from being destroyed. And then I chose Mystical Space Typhoon. They used it to destroy Rainbow Veil. A few turns later, I chose Super Polymerization.”
At that moment, Johan stops breathing and it feels like the world tilted.
Judai has a small laugh again.
“They were so sure I would choose their other card too. They even had their whole next turn planned according to that card. And if I had chosen that other card, I have no doubt that they would have won.”
“But if you chose Super Polymerization…” Johan doesn’t recognize his own voice when he says that.
“They still won, in a way.” Judai admits and finally his eyes don’t look lost in the past anymore. “I used Spiritual fusion to choose the components of the fusion. And I chose our souls. Neither of us actually won the duel and it’s better that way.”
“You didn’t have a choice…” Johan mutters.
“I did. I had a few choices. Choose their last card and hope that I would draw a miracle. Use Spiritual Fusion to force them to summon a monster. Surrender. This was just the only bearable choice for me. My heart wasn’t in it anymore, I just couldn’t stand the idea of hurting them again, but I also knew I couldn’t let them destroy everything. They kept saying that if I loved them, I’d choose Super Polymerization and, well, I did...”
He smiles and it’s small but so sincere that it hurts Johan’s soul.
“I also figured there were situations much worse than spending the rest of eternity with a loyal companion I really loved and wanted to make up to.”
“Have you told the others?”
He shrugs.
“They think I either did it out of the goodness of my heart or because it was the only way to save the world. I don’t know if they’ll understand that I just wanted to stop hurting Yubel. I’m just selfish like that.”
“It’s not selfish.”
“Maybe…”
There comes that wistful smile again.
“I think about it sometimes, that’s how I remember it so well. None of the cards I chose for Yubel stopped them or even slowed them down. My choices helped them more than anything, as if I always chose the card that would be the most useful to them. I wonder if unconsciously, even then I just didn’t want to hurt them.”
Almost every day, Johan is reminded of how deep the bond the two share really is. During the bad ones, he wonders, once again how he can compete against that. During the good ones, that happen more and more frequently nowadays, he feels amazingly flattered to be seen as equal to that.
So he smiles back at Judai and takes his hands.
“I guess no matter how confused one can be, their heart knows what they really want.”
Judai frowns.
“Well I know what I’m going to tell that girl tomorrow.”
Johan laughs and it amazes him that Judai immediately thought about the person he’s trying to help this time, because no, Johan definitely didn’t start this conversation because he thought it would give Judai an answer. It was just a lucky conclusion.
“Do you think, deep inside herself, that girl wants to hurt people?”
“I think when we’re hurt, no matter how kind we are, there is always a little part of us that wants to lash out.”
Judai’s eyes look dead for a second and Johan knows he’s speaking from experience.
“I just hope that by being conscious of it, she’ll be able to control it better.”
Manjoume is a nice guy pretending to be a snobby asshole most of the time and Johan et Judai both know how much he loves the… unique… spirits he ended up favouring. So no matter how many time he says no, everytime they see him, Judai makes a point of asking him if he wants him to materialize the Ojamas. It’s almost a joke, now, they know he will say no anyway, but it’s basically the way they say ‘Hi’ and Johan is very guilty of wanting to see Manjoume’s angry face too. At least Johan has enough impulse control to stop himself from asking him loudly in front of cameras, something Judai would be very likely to actually do just to tease his self-proclaimed rival (Judai thought of a lot of people as his rivals during his academia days, but funnily enough, Manjoume is never the first one that comes to his mind). It’s one of these times when Asuka is actually right when she assures Johan is 85% of Judai’s impulse control. O’Brien often snorts when she does, because during missions, it really is the other way around. But in social situations, Judai never was one to think about discretion.
If Judai was acting shy, then you had a bad day Judai and really needed to leave him alone. Maybe ask him if he wanted hot chocolate and not much more.
But luckily, no one was in front of a camera this day. They actually weren’t even in public, Manjoume had basically requested Johan’s house to be the place he would rest at during a tournament in Norway, despite how far it was from the actual tournament location (Johan suspected he just wanted to check on Judai and he gave them a lot of time to come back home and prepare for his arrival so why not?).
“Why do you always ask me that? I never see you materialize any of your spirits!” the pro duellist rants.
Immediately, as if he was waiting for that answer, Judai’s eyes glowed with mirth and divine light. And suddenly, Yubel was standing in Johan’s living room. Not translucid as spirits were, but definitely real.
Manjoume jumps and Judai laughs. And Yubel playfully growls.
“Love, I quite enjoy being a silent observer, you know?” They say with a sultry voice.
“Yeah, but you’ve never been properly introduced, right? Yubel, meet Thunder, Thunder, meet my spiritual partner. You could say they’re my Ojama!”
Yubel looks offended and Manjoume even more so (on whose behalf, Johan isn’t sure), but Judai is smiling and it drowns out the sound of their arguing in Johan’s head.
He understands it. Manjoume is easy, he doesn’t have a special grudge against Yubel, never even really met them and is already used to spirits. He might even have already seen their spirit form hanging around Judai. So it’s easy to materialize Yubel and joke about 0 attack monsters with annoying effects. But it’s a first step and Johan is so proud that he never stops to wonder when he became so comfortable with Yubel’s presence that the idea of Judai materializing them to their friends is no longer a joke.
It’s morning so of course Judai is enjoying the sun and the birds singing by sleeping more soundly than he did all night, with this fading red mist lightly surrounding him. Yubel, however, is awake and doesn’t seem happy. Johan watches them think and wonders whether or not he should tell them he’s awake.
“Why that face?” he ends up saying.
Yubel doesn’t even bother arboring the pretend disgust they love showing him when it’s only the two of them. They just look at him and sigh and sit on a bed they can’t touch.
“I just wish I could stop affecting him with my nightmares.” they answer with clear frustration.
Which is honestly a first. Judai has nightmares, often, even if he says they are getting better. He has nightmares about Dark World, he has nightmares about his past life, he has nightmares about Darkness and about the pain he felt when he fused with Yubel and he also dreams of death and a numb thirst for power. Johan just didn’t know he also had Yubel’s nightmares. He didn’t even know Yubel had nightmares, even though it should have been obvious. Probably the same kind Judai has, he guesses.
“Do they happen often?” he asks softly.
“They’ve been getting better,” they answer mechanically, “but they’ve been going on since I escaped the Light so… A few years I’d say. I don’t think they’re ever completely getting away.”
Every so often, Johan hears Judai or Yubel say a thing that completely flips his perspective of things. He winces and thinks very much about biting his fist to stop himself from talking next time, even though Yubel doesn’t seem to mind.
“Even back then, my pain affected him. Did they tell you that he had nightmares for months? They tried everything before that woman ended up asking her husband if he knew about any surgery that could help.”
There’s scorn in their voice and Johan doesn’t know what it is for exactly. While the actions Judai’s parents took made things worse in the long run, they did what they could to help their son at that time. Yubel just sighs and shakes their head.
“And now our bond is even greater. He feels all I feel. So when I feel burning and lightning and all that torture, he feels it with me. I hate it.”
For a moment, Johan regrets that he doesn’t have Judai’s power to materialize Yubel, because dejected as they look, Johan just wants to hug them.
“It would be great if they could stop affecting you too.” he says gently.
Yubel shrugs, a surprisingly human move. They look sad.
“Off the table I’m afraid. I just hope Judai won’t start fearing all I fear too.”
“Is there anything I can do to help the both of you?”
There’s something soft in Yubel’s eyes when they look at him, something Johan isn’t sure he’s seen addressed to him before.
“Be there when we wake up, little light. Your very presence is helping because it’s the proof that not all light is meant to hurt us.”
Johan smiles, unsure. It seems very small, but yes, that, he can do.
Kenzan has his mouth open and his hand on the door when he sees Yubel in front of him. Judai is sheepishly saying hi behind them and Johan is waving joyously. The dinosaur enthusiast ends up closing the door and then opening it again, probably to check that it’s not a dream. Johan mock-complains that he’s being rude and Judai apologizes for dropping in unannounced and Kenzan is still looking at Yubel.
After making some confused hand gestures at Johan, he gives up and makes an aborted movement to shake Yubel’s hand.
“Hm, nice to meet you? Sir? Ma’am? What do I call you?”
Yubel smirks and their teeth are very pointy, but they put a hand on his shoulder and he squeaks when he realizes they can touch him.
“You can call me Yubel, boy.”
It’s Kenzan, he’s always been better at adapting than the dinosaurs he loves so much, so it doesn’t take long for him to just take it in stride.
But Johan and Judai tease him for a long time.
There’s this movie again in their suggestions and Johan is suspecting that it’s following them. He actually mutters angrily at it. What even does happen in this movie that it has such great reviews, good enough to keep pushing it to the top?
Judai has a small laugh but it’s strained.
“At the end, the mother gives up on her newfound love and goes back to her devoting herself entirely to her children,” he answers, “it’s bittersweet but very grounded. Most people must have enjoyed the selflessness.”
“You’d think people would prefer a happy ending.”
“What would have been a happy ending, though? The mother abandoning her children to follow him? The children following them both despite how hectic that man’s life was, how it would destroy them and how he didn’t want them? All the answers were miserable.”
Johan tilts his head, curious.
“You seem to have thought about it a lot.”
Judai hums, eyes too empty.
“I try not to anymore,” he simply answers.
Johan thinks about kissing him on the cheek and simply choosing some action piece they can watch without thinking. He seriously thinks about it, but he also thinks it’s a conversation they can at least start.
“I don’t know what your issue with that movie is,” he admits, “but it seems to be bothering you. Is there anything I can do?”
Judai looks at him, surprised. He’s petting Pharaoh who seems at ease, on his lap.
“I don’t know… We never really talked about your parents.”
So it is a parental issue. Johan suspected as much, what with how Yubel seems to despise them and the peculiar subject of the movie.
“I’ve never known them,” Johan admits, “They gave me up for adoption when I was a baby. The Crystal Beasts are the only family I ever had.”
Judai simply accepts his answer with a nod and then smiles.
“I wonder what archetype you used before them, you never wanted to tell me.”
And Johan snorts because he has not used that deck in a while and he doesn’t want to. Yubel briefly appears to say that they can’t imagine him without the “gayest deck in the world” and it’s hard to deny it, but the Crystal Beasts start talking about how much better they are than Johan’s old deck and Daitokuji appears and talks about the similarities between Rainbow Dragon and the Bifrost from Norse Mythology, and the conversation becomes more fascinating than anything they could watch.
In the end, Judai doesn’t tell Johan what bothers him about the movie.
Fubuki is playing with shadows when they see him next, which makes Judai amazingly happy. He isn’t doing much with it, but he has perfect control over them and it’s more than he ever had. The way they twitch anxiously when Yubel appears betray his smile, but he tries very hard not to show how worried he is.
“It’s not their past,” he assures Johan later when Asuka and Yubel are getting introduced too, “it’s more that they look very imposing, you know?”
“Says the one who uses a Red Eyes deck.”
“Leave my beautiful dragon out of that. Anyway, do you think Judai can look more like them if he tries?”
“Probably, why?”
Fubuki smirks and suddenly Johan doesn’t know if he wants to know the answer.
“I said imposing. I never said it wasn’t sexy.”
Yep, definitely didn’t want the answer. And didn’t need to know that his own imagination could become so unable to leave him alone...
The boy’s name is Adam. He is bright and enthusiastic and not much older than they were when so many things started going wrong in their lives. Adam has hurt a classmate the other day, but no one knows how. The classmate says a monster appeared, Adam says he’s lying, no one really knows, but Adam admits pretty easily to them that, yes, it was a monster.
It’s just easier to throw another person under the bus than to admit how abnormal you might be. He is scared, of being labelled as crazy or worse, dangerous. He’s afraid that they would lock him up.
Johan cannot see any spirit hanging around the boy, but Judai is squinting and there seems to be something bothering him, the red mist around him swirling. He still introduces himself with a smile and asks Adam if he’d like some help.
Adam is overjoyed.
Adam is also incredibly curious and wants to know everything about them. What Judai can do (Oh boy, does Judai avoid that question), why Johan can see spirits but not materialize them even though it’s the opposite for Adam, how they met, how they discovered their powers, how they found him, why they were travelling together when one was famous and the other not, and why did they take a cat with them.
There’s a lot of avoiding the questions to be honest, the boy pouts but doesn’t insist every time one of them remind him gently that their private life is not his concern. Except for the last one that he really, really, won’t stop asking. Judai ends up telling him point blank that they travel with a cat because said cat ate the soul of his dead teacher and so he keeps him around for wise words, advice, and to learn new things.
Adam doesn’t believe him, of course, it’s always something when reality seems too weird for even magic people to believe.
Finally, Adam is powerful. He gets the hang of how to not materialize monsters incredibly fast and starts using spells and sometimes even traps with ease. Johan doesn’t see anything wrong with it, but Judai keeps reminding him that power is not control, which is a fair point.
It seems Judai’s guts aren’t satisfied when they, after a month, have to leave to another spirit saving mission with O’Brien (who always appears right where they are even if no one knows about it, Johan is starting to wonder if he microchipped them). So Judai makes Adam promise him he’ll practice his control and call him the moment something is wrong. Adam agrees wholeheartedly and they leave him happier than he ever was and more powerful than he would have ever been without them.
“You know,” Johan admits to Yubel one day, “I used to think you weren’t right for Judai because you thought you owned him, that he owed you his everything or something.”
They smother a cough in their claws, a dusty embarrassed red on their purplish skin.
“To be fair, I guess at my worst it kind of was this way.”
“Turns out you’re actually a traumatised love crazed overprotective spirit who was hanging on to the last thread of their sanity by torturing the one they loved.”
Yubel winces and there’s so much pain on their face he wants to take it back.
“I know I did a lot of wrong things, but…”
“Nah, no buts,” he interrupts them with a grimacing smile, “the terrible part about this is how I understand it. It sucks that I can both understand your reasoning and your desperation. I have been trying to summon any bitterness towards you for the past months and I literally can’t. You lost Judai once and got separated and isolated for millenia. When you found him again, you had lost part of your mind and became crazy protective. Then you lose him again, by his own hand this time, get tortured, go through hell, and when you find him again, finally, not only has the love of your life found other friends, but he seems to have forgotten about you. I think expecting you to act sane would be completely outlandish.”
Yubel still looks ashamed, something Johan understands too because understanding it doesn't make any of it okay. When Yubel take a shuddering breath, he wonders what they’re going to tell him.
“Do you know how Judai died the first time?”
And so Johan freezes. He turns to his boyfriend, who is happily humming while cooking, a headset firmly stuck on his head. Johan has the distinct feeling that this is a conversation the three of them should have, but at the same time, has no idea if he actually does want Judai to hear about it.
“I’m not sure I want to know.” He admits.
“It might be better if you didn’t, indeed.”
“... Does he know?”
“He does. I don’t know if he remembered or if it was my memories. But he does. Most of his nightmares are about his Supreme king stunt, then it’s about what I made Brron do or about what the Light did to me. But these days, I’ve been remembering it more and more.”
Yubel’s face is so, so full of despair when they keep going.
“He’s been good at not waking you from these, but he dreams about his death a lot and I think it’s because of me.”
They sigh and look at the boy they love so much with a fond sadness.
“When we wakes, it feels like drowning. There are days where I feel like I brought a lot more misery to him than anything else. You’re right in saying that I might be a bad fit for him, because even with that, I feel like I’d still choose to stay by him everytime.”
There are days where Johan also wonders if Judai and Yubel’s reunion might have been more peaceful if he hadn’t been there. He’s not sure about it, but it’s an irrational guilt that invades him sometimes, yet he knows he would never have done anything different.
Yubel sacrificed everything to protect the man they loved. It was just terrible luck that so many bad things happened afterwards.
He understands them so well, it’s terrifying.
“You really are a mirror,” he mutters.
Yubel hears him and looks at him with a face that says that they understand exactly what he means.
It’s almost comforting.
“Hi,” Yubel says to Jim, “I have two more eyes than you do.”
And Jim clearly didn’t hear them coming but he just smiles and says:
“Yeah, you do, and they look awesome!”
Judai is hiding behind Johan in embarrassment and muttering in his shoulder about how that wasn’t what they agreed on, Yubel, but Johan is laughing and holding his hand and Jim is always so happy to see them.
He and Yubel spend the whole night exchanging stories about old civilisations. Johan forgets most of it because of how much he loves the way the campfire is reflected in Judai’s eyes when he listen to them, fascinated.
When they leave, after a few days, he waves them goodbye.
“Take care, special boys, and you too my dear dragon.”
They always feel so much better after seeing Jim, it’s like they never realize how much they missed him until they see him again. Maybe they really should go see them more often, even Yubel seems pretty sad to have to leave.
Unfortunately, their responsibilities are pretty hard to shrug off.
Johan doesn’t have that many nightmares about Dark World. In his case there was a lot more fright than harm. If it wasn’t for how traumatising the issue was for Judai, he kind of thinks he could stop his experience as just joking about how he now had a kickass tight leather bondage outfit thanks to Yubel (and seriously, where did they find that thing? It was perfectly fit!). But on days where Judai’s eyes look dead and his smiles are empty, he knows the best thing he can do is give him hot chocolate, take him in his arms, and go back under the covers. Sometimes, Yubel add themselves to the mix and they just lay down, all together, being lazy and cozy and sipping sweet drinks while listening to something funny or interesting.
It’s on one of these days, as Johan wonders absently where the red mist that seems to always accompany him has gone once again, that Judai ends up picking at his arm muscles, as if bothered by something.
“How did you get these?” he almost whines.
Johan is at a loss, not sure what he means.
“I’m pretty sure I was born with them,” he says slowly.
There’s a petulant look on Judai’s face that he’d take anytime before the dull gold that had invaded his gaze this morning.
“Not your arms, you handsome idiot, I swear you didn’t have that much muscle when we met. Suddenly, you get possessed by the other love of my life and you get muscles. How the hell?”
Johan laughs and there’s a low rumble behind Judai that seems to imply that Yubel thinks it’s very funny too.
“Yubel didn’t use some evil weight lifting exercise to give me muscles if it makes you feel better.”
“Well I sure hope so, or they could have given me pointers during a certain time of my life.”
It’s a joke about something Judai never jokes about, and Johan will take that too before the usual self-loathing.
“Is it so hard to believe that I was always strong enough to lift you in the air?”
“You’ve seen your shirts! These things are supposed to be worn loosely! Now I’m realizing that they must have been super tight on you!”
“Is that jealousy in your voice?”
“Well it can be a little frustrating to be the only one who looks like a shrimp while the both of you are jacked.”
He’s pouting and it’s cute and Johan feels like a teenager again as he’s peppering kisses all over his face, overwhelmed with the wish to show him how much he loves him. Judai ends up sputtering and asking him to stop, laughing.
“You’re a beautiful shrimp,” Johan laughs, “and probably the strongest one here.”
“You are perfect the way you are,” Yubel adds, almost purring, “plus no one except you ever sees our oh so great muscles. You don’t look that smaller than the little light, you know?”
There’s a small tinge of sadness on Judai’s face, but it’s forgotten pretty soon when he just hides his face in Johan’s chest and gives a content little sigh.
It’s self-deprecation and fear, Johan guesses, he’s barely changed since his fusion with Yubel a few years ago. It might be a little early to say, but Judai doesn’t seem to grow old. At first, Johan just thought he would grow older at a slower pace. He’s starting to realize he might actually stay how he is forever.
Forever a young man might sound like a dream to some, but more like a nightmare to others.
But Judai is small and some days he looks so young and frail in a way that makes you forget how strong and ancient he really is.
Perhaps because two set of memories aren’t enough to replace a lonely life where one had to grow so fast that childhood almost seemed like a never attained ideal moment.
Johan sometimes thinks of an understaffed orphanage, and he can definitely understand the feeling.
“Judai,” Sho says very slowly when he reenters his living room to bring them pastries, “what do you have here?”
Judai, sitting between a very real Yubel’s legs, just raises his head, hiding the sparkle in his eyes as well as he can in fake confusion, and holds Johan’s hand up.
“You mean Johan?” he answers.
Needless to say, this meeting could have gone better.
They’re however still laughing about it when they leave, a full week later.
It’s the fourteenth night they’ve spent in a hotel since they started travelling and the eleventh that damn movie has been suggested to them. Johan is about to go to the next one without thinking when Yubel’s claw stops him. He turns towards Judai who nods, face neutral. The red mist isn’t there, once again.
“Let’s watch that tonight.”
It’s a sad movie. Well, more bittersweet than sad, really. The mother is a compelling character, very human, so selfless all of the time that it’s hard to root against her when she finds happiness even though her children suffer the consequences. She tries so hard to be perfect, but it’s too much. When her new lover suggests she temporarily puts them into foster homes, just for a few months so she can accompany him, you almost want her to say yes, despite knowing about the youngest’s night terrors that only her mother can calm down, and the oldest’s abandonment issues, and how one of the girls is getting bullied, and how the last one is only ungrateful because she’s not over their father’s death and feels ashamed, so ashamed that she doesn’t know how to simply talk to the most important person in her life, the last parent she has…
But when she refuses, there’s still this small sigh of relief in Johan’s chest, because as sad as it is for her that she is trapped in a society that judges her and makes her life hell, as sad as it is that she had to give up on some fleeting happiness, the only one she’s had recently, you know that the alternative would have been worse for everyone, full of pain on one side, and regret on the other.
“She didn’t do that in real life.” Judai suddenly says.
He hadn’t said a word the whole movie and Johan almost jumps when he hears him. He turns towards him, but Judai’s eyes are still fixated on the screen. Yubel has their arms over his shoulders, but they’re translucid, no longer real, as if he can’t focus enough to keep them in the physical world at the moment.
“Even after the tour, she didn’t come back. When it started being easier to do so without a scandal, she didn’t either. She went from fleeting love to fleeting love, chasing down happiness.”
A shuddering breath.
“And I stayed there. In that little town where everyone hated me and avoided me and feared me and I didn’t know why.”
That’s a part about Judai’s amnesia that Johan tends to try not to think about. Yubel’s overprotectiveness hurt a lot of people at the time, but when Judai lost his memory, the other residents probably didn’t. They’d remember the creepy kid that you shouldn’t play with if you didn’t want to get hurt. And said kid would have no idea why no one would approach him.
Johan takes him in his arms and lays his head on his shoulder
“Is that why you used to watch this movie a lot?”
“She’s played by my mother. When I was a kid, it made it easier to pretend she came back.”
Johan tries very hard not to freeze.
“Misako Fuwa?” he tries to say in a neutral tone. “She’s your mother?”
It’s Yubel who nods.
“But… Your family name…”
“My father’s.”
“Oh. What about him?”
“Brain surgeon. Used to love studying if the production of certain chemicals helped seeing spirits in his spare time. I learnt years after he left that I was his favourite test subject. He lost all interest in me when forgetting about Yubel cut my connection to spirits entirely.”
It’s like a swarm of swords to the heart, but Johan doesn’t react much. He just hums softly.
“He’d have field day with us, now.”
Judai gives him a small chuckle and turns to face him, eyes bright, as if he had simply remembered a small sad thing that didn’t hold any importance anymore.
“That he would,” he agrees, “not that I’m interested in seeing him again.”
In the end, they watch a second movie and fall asleep, entangled in a mess of legs.
They wake up sore, cursing their uncomfortable sleeping position while Yubel laughs at them.
“Wait,” Edo asks calmly, “you mean O’Brien knew before me?”
“Yubel has been a very helpful ally whenever we join forces,” the young man answers in an even tone, “they were brought in the real world out of necessity.”
Kenzan and Manjoume are bragging about how they met Yubel before Edo did, and the spirit is currently drinking tea with Asuka and Jim. Rei is listening avidly to their conversation while Fubuki and Marufuji Ryou are talking in a dark corner. Sometimes, Ryou’s eyes meet Johan’s and there’s a hunger there, but it’s tamer than before. Johan has the distinct impression that the previous hell Kaiser doesn’t know who he’d like to duel more between him and Yubel, but that in any case, they’re both beaten by Judai who probably won’t duel any of them anyway.
Judai is listening to Sho’s chatter with a small smile and Johan knows he’s actually listening, not like the first times he summoned Yubel in the real world, where it seemed almost painful to him and he was unable to focus on anything else despite pretending to.
“Not only are they very powerful,” he said at the time, “but our souls are one. Giving them a physical form is almost like separating my soul in half. It hurts. But once I master it, it’ll make it easier for me to maintain them in the physical world.”
It’s a nice day. Johan loves everyone here and missed them.
He also can’t wait to leave and have Judai and Yubel for himself again.
Adam’s call comes too late.