Chapter Text
Ben was happy. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he was happy. Rey, the only woman he had ever loved, was alive. He had used his life force to revive her and now she was sitting in his embrace, returning his smile and her eyes shone with happiness. Soon after he had revived her she had kissed him, confirming what Ben had suspected all along, that she loved him as much as he loved her. Together they had fought Palpatine and defeated him, no, Rey had defeated him while Ben had been thrown into a pit. His Rey had defeated the Emperor on her own and thus sacrificed her life for the people she loved. However, there was no way Ben would've left her. They were a dyad and his love for her gave him strength to climb up from the pit again despite a broken leg and a hurting back. He knew that the only chance to bring her out of her lifeless state was if he healed her through the Force. It was never an option for him, Rey meant everything to him and her life was far more important than his. But why hadn’t he passed out when he had finished bringing her back? He had fully expected himself to so why wasn’t he now in the same state as she had been?
Palpatine was defeated and so was his fleet, but that was the last thing on Rey’s mind right now. Here she was, in the arms of Ben Solo having just been brought back to life thanks to him giving his life force to her. Overcome with happiness over the fact that they were finally together and free to be so, she kissed him again and she could feel him smile into the kiss which made her smile in return and their teeth grazed each other. When they pulled back, their foreheads touched and Rey couldn’t stop running her fingers through his black, damp hair.
“We did it Ben, we did it! We’re free.” Rey was sobbing now, her tears dropping onto Ben’s chin.
Ben sniffled. “No Rey, you did it. You defeated Palpatine, I was merely a helper.”
“You saved me, how does that make you "merely a helper"? Also, how can I possibly thank you enough for that?”
“There is no need.” He grasped her left hand that was still caressing his face. “You and me, together. That is enough for me.” He turned his head and kissed her palm.
“Ben,” It felt so unusual and yet so natural to call him by his birthname knowing that he now fully earned it. “I know I should’ve told you this before, but I love you. What you have done today, has made me realize my true feelings. When you reverted back to Kylo Ren, I couldn’t love you or at least I didn’t want to love you and I am so sorry for that...”
“Don’t.” For the first time since he had taken her in his arms earlier he let go of her completely and looked away, his hands now folded in his lap. “I have done horrible things, things only deserving of hate and things that aren’t possible to forgive. I don’t deserve your love, I don’t deserve anyone’s love and you know it.”
Rey moved even closer to him, her leg touching his side, cupped his chin and once again turned him to face her.
“Don’t say that. You were given second chances and you took them. You left Kylo Ren behind and let Ben Solo rise. I have seen it all. You have been manipulated by this creature all your life, from when you were in your mother’s womb up until now. The man who is sitting next to me, is the real you. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t sit here right now and I most certainly wouldn’t touch or kiss you on my own will.”
Ben’s lips were trembling and he felt like flood gates were about to open in his mind. “You...you do really love me?”
Rey laughed and nodded. “Yes Ben, I do.”
He embraced her then and crushed her against him.
“I love you too, Rey.” He said into her shoulder and pressed his lips to the tender point just where her neck and shoulder met. “I think I always have, I only was too blind to see it in the beginning.”
Rey thought about all the times he looked at her, both through their bond and when they were face to face, and the conflicts that were always visible on his features. It wasn’t only about him being conflicted over his actions, but also over his feelings for her. Hearing him say those three words made her heart flutter. She had sensed it way before but actually hearing him saying it was the final confirmation she had been waiting for. She nuzzled his cheek, his very short stubble causing a delicate sensation on her own skin.
“It is alright. It's all in the past. Now we both know how we feel. Let's not dwell on it any longer.”
Ben let go of her and both immediately felt cold, like they were each other’s shelter. “You’re right. Let's get out, we can’t linger on this spot for too long. I was wondering one thing though.” His brow furrowed like he was thinking twice before saying anything. “Why am I not unconscious? I went into this absolutely certain that I would be after saving you, so why am I not?”
“I was never really dead, my body was but my soul was alive. Remember when you told me that we form a Force dyad? If one person dies, the other one has to die too for that person to be completely dead. When you healed me through the Force, I transferred some of it back to you. I only gave you part of my strength as soon as I felt strong enough so I don’t know if you had enough. Try to stand up and walk for a bit and see how you feel.”
He tried to stand up and could do so seemingly without problems, he could walk and the pain in his leg was still there but not nearly as bad as before. The pain in his back and ribs was also better.
“It does feel much better. Thank you.”
You’re quite welcome!
He went back to her spot and reached out his hand, she took it and stood up. When she wobbled a bit, he was quick to catch her.
“Alright?”
“Yeah, I think so. You?”
“As good as can be I suppose. We should try to walk for a bit. I think I can manage but I might need to rest a few times.”
“That’s fine. The others are looking for us now, but it will take some time before they find us unless we make it out ourselves first.”
“How can you be so sure they are looking for us right now?"
“I can feel it. Finn is force sensitive.”
The mention of FN-2187 made Ben dig his fingertips into Rey’s hips. He knew he shouldn’t be jealous, but he couldn’t help it as he knew that the former storm trooper was quite fond of her.
“Is he like us then? Can you and he feel each other just like you and I can?” Ben knew he could easily find out himself but had no intention at all of doing so and he certainly didn't feel like interrogating Finn's mind.
“No, not nearly. Finn and I can sense where the other person is and the life state of the person but we cannot communicate the way you and I can. He can’t see what I am actually doing and I can’t see what he is actually doing either.”
Ben let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding and released his hold on her. Rey sensed his insecurity and caressed his knuckles with her thumbs.
“Don’t worry. He's my friend, nothing more.”
Ben looked down at her and she saw the fear of abandonment in his eyes, the eyes of a boy who all his life had been rejected and abused.
“I’m sorry, I can’t help it.”
“I know. It's alright, we will work this out eventually and I will help you overcome everything you have been through.”
Ben gave her a reluctant smile, not doubting her but doubting himself. “Thank you.” He gave her a kiss on her forehead and her fingers a hard squeeze before letting go.
“No worries. Now, let’s go.”
They walked slowly as they both were still tired from the fight and paused a few times when the pain in Ben’s body got too bad. But as soon as he had rested for about a minute he was able to walk again, still limping a bit but it was manageable.
Exegol was a dark place and sometimes they had to use their sabers as light source. They didn’t speak much and when they did, it was mostly to discuss which way they should take or checking to see that the other person was alright. Even if they did remember the way as a whole there were still some small pathways where they had to discuss whether to turn left or right.
After walking for what they believed was two hours, they decided to take a longer break and found a cavern with a big, flat rock which was big enough for both of them to sit on. After placing their sabers between smaller rocks, still lightened up, they took off their boots and stretched out their legs.
“What is going to happen next, after we get out?” Ben asked as he took a seat next to Rey, his hand searching hers and eventually finding it.
“Who knows.” Rey looked straight forward but her eyes focused inwards. “We will have to deal with the Resistance’s attitude towards you first. They will not be very happy when they find out about us.”
“They surely won’t. Wouldn't surprise me if the second they see me they will pull out the nearest blaster and shoot me.”
Rey tightened her hold on his hand before intertwining their fingers and turning towards him. “Then they will have to shoot me first.”
“They are your friends Rey, they are not going to harm you. Besides, I would not allow you to put yourself in danger for my sake.”
“And you think I would allow them to kill you? No Ben, no! Besides, you put yourself in danger for me so why wouldn’t I do the same for you?” She raised her voice but still managed to keep her emotions somewhat grounded.
“Rey...” His hand hesitantly came up to her cheek. “Seeing your lifeless body was the worst thing that has ever happened to me, even worse than the possibility of me becoming the same while bringing you back to life. You have to promise me not to do anything reckless.”
“Reckless? Reckless?! You call me wanting to protect you “reckless”? Stop it, Ben!” Now Rey couldn’t hold back. She released his hand and instead grasped the front of his shirt so hard that her knuckles turned white. “I am not losing you again,” She started crying and violent sobs wrecked her already exhausted body. “Not now when I finally have you and we finally are together. You must understand that.”
Ben held her upper arms and leaned his forehead against hers. “Forgive me, of course I understand. We need to support each other. Just like you will be there for me, I will always be there for you.” He moved his hands up her shoulders to her neck, making her shiver. “We can go somewhere else, another planet, start anew, at least for some time to distance ourselves from everything. What do you think?”
Rey shook her head up and down, loosening her grip on his shirt and she felt herself calm down. Ben’s voice had a calming effect on her mind.
“I would like that. As long as it is with you, I would go anywhere. Most of all I wish to help you overcome everything that plagues you and always has. Will you let me?”
Ben swallowed hard. It wasn’t something he looked forward to but he knew it had to be done and with Rey by his side he knew it would be easier, even if it would take long.
“Yes. I owe you so much after you saved my life so this is the least I can do.”
Rey embraced him then and nuzzled his shoulder, her arms coming around his broad back and the heat from him transferred to her own skin.
Thank you, my love. It is I who owe you, and I will do anything in my power to help you heal.
She continued to send him encouraging thoughts and images through their bond and he hugged her tighter in response. Her hands caressed his back up and down and as she felt his rhythmic breathing into her neck she closed her eyes and enjoyed just being.
Eventually, Rey pulled away from Ben’s embrace. Running one single digit down his temple she studied his face; the dark circles under his eyes, the cuts on his left cheekbone and on his lip, his weary yet intense eyes. All those marks and the ones she hadn’t yet seen were testaments of him risking his life for her and it filled her with sadness but even more so a need she couldn’t really identify. Her breathing became short and laboured, her heart started to beat faster and her eyes flickered between his eyes and his big, inviting lips.
“Rey?”
“Please, kiss me.”
He granted her wish, and pressed his lips to hers before gently massaging them with his own. Tears still fell down Rey’s cheeks and Ben pondered whether he should stop but when Rey only pressed herself closer to him he decided against it. He was obviously what she needed right now and if needed be, he would stay here and hold her and kiss her to the end of time.
More comfortable with themselves and neither wanting nor being able to stop they dared to roam their hands more freely over each other’s bodies, touching and caressing but avoiding certain areas. Rey felt the heat rise in her and it was a different heat from the one she felt during training or when the sun shone on her during hot days. This heat was something she only felt in the presence of Ben and something she had never felt with anyone else before him. Feeling bolder she opened her mouth and her tongue tentatively touched his lips, begging for entrance. She didn’t quite know what she was doing, only that it felt really good and that it felt like the right thing to do. Ben hesitated a bit before opening his own mouth and their tongues experimentally caressed and tasted the other. Unsure what to do, Ben just let his instincts guide him and so far it appeared to work well. He had never kissed anyone like this, in fact he had never kissed anyone at all before Rey and it had certainly been worth the wait. Hearing her moans and feeling her soft, sweet mouth on his and her hands now clutching his neck made his treacherous body react and he could feel himself harden with every kiss and every caress. They both lost track of time and it wasn’t until Ben felt Rey straddle him and break the kiss and instead beginning to kiss down his throat that he felt that it was time to slow down.
“I...Rey...” He rasped as he pulled away from her and locked his eyes with hers.
Rey averted her eyes from his penetrating stare, feeling almost delirious from their kisses but also guilty. “I’m sorry, I went too far didn’t I?”
“No, it’s not that. It’s just...we can’t do this here.”
Rey raised her eyes again. So he did want to but for some reason said that they couldn’t? If they were talking about the same thing that is. “Can’t do what?” She asked, knowing what he was about to say but she wanted to hear it too.
“You know what I mean. We can’t...” He took a deep breath and blushed, embarrassed about what he was going to say since he never spoke of such things. “...we can’t make love here.”
Hearing him say those words caused a tingle in Rey’s centre and she closed her eyes for a moment, relishing it, before meeting his again. “Why not? I can both hear it in your voice and feel that you want it too.” She bucked her hips against his evident arousal and he let out a quiet moan.
“My body betrays me. I do want you, don’t believe anything else. But there is no way we're doing it here on this hard ground in this forsaken, dark place. After everything you’ve done for me you deserve anything better than this.”
Rey’s lips formed a thin line as she pressed them hard together to conceal what emotions ran through her and how touched she was by how much he cared for her. However it didn’t decrease her lust, quite the opposite and she tightened her hold on him with her legs.
“If you want to give me what I deserve, then give me you. You are the only thing I want. Please Ben, now that we’re finally together. Don’t deny me this, don’t deny us this, I beg you.”
Ben looked away, trying to regain focus but the only thing on his mind was Rey’s hand as it went up his chest to his nape and his cock which strained against his trousers and pressed into her equally clothed sex. Closing his eyes, he dared to turn back to her. When he opened them again she looked at him with big, glossy hazel eyes.
“There might be no time...”
“Trust me, there is.”
They will not be here yet.
“Is there a risk that you might get...”
“Pregnant? No, I have an implant. There is a risk of course but it is very, very small.”
“There is another thing.” He licked his lips and then swallowed hard. “This is all new to me. I have never even been close to being intimate with anyone before.”
Rey was relieved to hear this. She had expected him to have quite a history of lovers considering his former positions and was scared that her inexperience would make her somewhat inferior to him. But knowing they were equals in this as well gave her a small increase in her confidence.
“Neither have I, Ben. We are in this together. We can learn together, not just today but many other days to come too.” She caressed the back of his neck and dipped her fingers below his neckline, the thumb of her other hand grazing the small cut on his lower lip. “I love you Ben,” She whispered against his lips, her breath intermingling with his. “And I want you. Right here. Right now.”