Chapter Text
“We have got to prove what happened, Alex. This can’t go on for much longer.”
The both of them were sprawled out on Kara’s bed, exhausted from a long day of work at the now Luthercorp owned D.E.O.
“I know. Believe me, I do.”
“Do you?” Kara sat up and looked at her sister. “Because it seems like you’re taking it all very lightly. He had me fly to Italy to get him coffee, this morning, Alex. Because he knew he could. He had me be his security team at that stupid gala last night, just to show me off as his – his,” Kara struggled, “guard-dog,” she spat out. “And then today,” she continued, “I saved forty people from a burning apartment complex, and when I was done he was already out there in front of all the media outlets, taking credit for all of it. I can't do this much longer!”
Alex sat up too.
“What, and you think he’s brightening up my day at the D.E.O.?” Alex said. “He has me come in at LutherCorp twice a day to update him on the ‘alien threats,’” she quoted. “He keeps baiting me about you, trying to get a rise out of me.”
Alex looked revolted.
“That vile, disgusting little excuse of a man.”
Kara made a supportive sound.
“You’re right,” she sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be turning on you. He just makes me so – ” she struggled to finish the sentence, balling her fist in frustration.
“Angry?”
“Furious.”
Alex nodded.
“I feel you,” she said. “But I just don’t know what to do. He has the whole of National city in his pocket. Everyone believes he’s some sort of business angel or whatever.”
Kara thought back to her day. How everyone had cheered for Lex when he showed off the work ‘his’ Supergirl had done. Everybody she saved. Every citizen surrounding the burning building. They believed her to be some trained puppy, loyal only to Lex. Like he controlled whether or not she’d fight the good fight, or save people from a burning people, or an accident.
She felt disgusted. Owned. Like she half expected to find some ‘Property of Lex Luthor’ tattoo on her body when she looked in the mirror.
The thought alone made her want to throw up.
“No,” Kara said resolutely. “No, we cannot let this go on. There has to be a solution.”
Alex looked surprised at the fire in her sister’s voice.
“We can’t have gotten this far, survived so much, just to be controlled by some egotistical, bald maniac.”
Alex nodded slowly.
“If there’s a solution,” she said after a beat, “we’ll find it. We’ll get through it.”
She covered her sister’s hand, and Kara smiled when she found absolute conviction and trust in those brown eyes.
“We always do.”
Kara smiled and rolled over so she was pressed against Alex’s side.
“At least we’re together again,” Kara said. “My plans really sucked without you.”
Alex’s laugh reverberated through Kara’s entire body, and Alex’s hand found its way to her hair and stroked softly.
“I can only imagine,” Alex commented dryly, “that’s why no one lets you make the plans.”
Kara laughed. When her laughter had subsided, she stayed close to Alex.
The day had been so long, and so awful, and nothing seemed to be able to make it better. But having Alex back by her side, reminded her that she was a step further than she was two weeks ago. Only two weeks ago, she’d been staring at one of the grey walls in the Vanishing point, rapidly running out of hope that she and her friends – and Lex – would ever get out of that soul-sucking place.
That she would ever see her sister again.
She buried her face in Alex’s shoulder, trying to get rid of the creeping thoughts by familiarizing herself with Alex’s perfume and washing powder again.
Alex was right there with her, and she would help solve this mess.
“We got it!”
It was Brainy who eventually found a solution to their problem. Well, Brainy and Kelly, of all people.
They came in on game night, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling with enthusiasm.
“Okay,” Alex said slowly, opening the door to let the unlikely duo in, looking a bit prickly when Kelly stormed by her without kissing her first, “got what? Which game to play? Cause, I’d hate to disappoint you, but Kara’s already picked, and she’s not letting her choice of the game go to someone else.”
Kara nodded furiously, the pizza in her mouth preventing her from wholeheartedly agreeing with Alex.
“Yeah,” Nia agreed, “it’s like the one thing she had going for her today.”
Kara shot her a dirty glare, but Nia just mouthed an innocent “What? It’s true.” So Kara had to begrudgingly let it go.
Kelly sighed impatiently.
“That’s not what we’ve got.”
She carelessly, and very uncharacteristically, threw her coat over the kitchen island, and quickly strode over to the couch where Nia and Kara were seated – the latter already three pieces of pizza in.
Kelly sat down on one of the couches, while Brainy kissed Nia sweetly before taking a seat next to her.
“So we’ve been thinking,” Kelly cut right to the chase, “we can’t let this Lex thing go on for much longer.”
Alex had asked J'onn to reinstall Kelly’s correct memories after she found out that somehow, LuthorCorp had acquired almost half of Rojas’ Industries’ stocks, effectively almost ‘owning’ CatCo and Rojas’ technology. When Alex saw that Kelly basically worked for Luthor – whom she affectionally called Lex because he was apparently such a good boss – Alex couldn’t just stand idly by and let her girlfriend bump shoulders with a mass murderer.
Kelly had taken the shock surprisingly well, and after everything that had happened, it only took her about four days to figure out Kara was Supergirl. She’d taken it like a champ, only stuttering incoherently for a couple of minutes before realization and acceptance had settled in completely, and she’d hugged Kara and thanked her for saving her life.
By far in Kara's top five of 'so you know I'm Supergirl' reactions.
Alex and Kelly had decided not to let the fact that Kelly knew about the earth changes shine through though. She didn’t want Lex to find out one of his employees knew about him being a monster. They still didn’t know his long-term plans, and if they involved killing everyone who knew about the changes – the Paragons and all their friends included – Alex wanted Kelly to stay out of the firing lines.
But apparently, that hadn’t stopped her from trying to work out a plan.
“We’ll need J'onn’s help,” Kelly said, clearing the coffee table from some game boxes, and putting a blue notebook on the table instead.
Alex frowned.
“Can we at least know what this is about?”
Kelly didn’t look at her and quickly opened her notebook, flipping hurriedly through the pages until she found what she was looking for.
Kara leaned in, intrigued, and tried to look at what Kelly was doing.
“I think – well, Brainy and I,” she shot him a smile, “think that we’ve got it.”
“Got what?” Alex asked, getting frustrated.
Kelly looked up as if she’d only just noticed her girlfriend being in the same room as her.
“The solution to this madness,” she said as if it was the most obvious thing ever. “The solution to Lex Luthor’s reign of power.”
Alex and Kara’s eyes met.
Stunned, Alex sat down next to Kelly, while Kara went to sit down on the floor as well, trying to get as close to the source of the information as possible, game night long forgotten.
“I was working on my project, you know,” she nudged Alex, “to explore patients’ memories to help them process trauma?”
Alex nodded quickly.
“Well, I just got to thinking, and then I remembered my walk through J'onn’s memories, back when he was trying to figure out what happened with his brother, right?”
“Right,” Alex agreed.
“And then,” Kelly said excitedly, “I came up with an idea so impossible, so weird and so alien, that I thought it just might work. So I contacted Brainy, our resident genius – ”
Brainy preened beside Kara.
“ – and he basically helped me drive the kinks out of our plan, and to work it all out. Theoretically, of course.”
“Wait, wait, wait, back up,” Alex said confused. “I’m still lost.”
“Well,” Kelly rambled, “J'onn’s powers are more incredible than we thought. He proved that when he reinstated all of our previous memories. So what if, we combined our best tech, with his abilities? We could garner memories from someone who was there when all of the fighting with Lex went down – ”
Kara got a queasy feeling she might have a faint idea of who that someone might be.
“ – then, we could broadcast those memories to the people of National City! They’d know that Lex isn’t the good guy he’s pretending to be! We could fix everything!”
Silence fell over the room.
Kara was stunned.
This was what they had been looking for. A solution. A maybe. A could-be. An option. Something that could change the way they were living right now. It seemed bonkers, yes, but on some level, it also sounded…reasonable? Like it could work?
Could she hope?
Could she try and think that there might be a better day out there? That this nightmare could finally be over?
Kelly’s enthusiastic smile slowly faded from her face, the longer no one spoke up.
“You all think it’s crazy,” she stated, the disappointment dripping from every word.
“Kelly – ” Alex tried.
“What memories would you need exactly?”
All eyes fell on Kara. Alex looked at her with a mixture of surprise and pity. She knew how much Kara wanted things to change and go back to the way they were. But she seemed to think it was impossible.
“Well,” Kelly said cautiously, “I’m thinking, some clear memories of Lex going insane. Preferably fights between the Supers and Lex, maybe some of his hate speeches about aliens? Whatever you’ve got, really.”
There it was.
The implication that she would have to share her memories.
Alex seemed to catch on as well.
“You’re saying it’s Kara who has to have her mind pried open and studied like some kind of lab frog?” she challenged.
Kara flinched, but Kelly didn’t seem to be fazed by the underlying anger in Alex’s tone.
“Possibly. Her or Superman. They both have the most experience with Lex’s hate.”
“Superman’s off earth,” Kara heard herself say. “He’s back on Argo to spend some time with Lois and the boys.”
A beat.
“So I assume it’d have to be me.”
Kelly opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by a knock on the door.
Kara frowned, and stood up, ready to defend her family.
Lex’s presence in her life, and at her apartment had become an unfortunate occurrence. He showed up sometimes, just to show that he could, because he apparently owned the building, and claimed he was trying to be a considerate landlord.
Kara knew that the notion that he could get her out of her apartment and out on the streets in a matter of minutes was implied.
When she X-rayed the door, however, her heart fell, and the gap in her chest that was left after Lena’s confession in the fortress of solitude was ripped open once again.
Lena was at her door.
Apparently, the Lena in this world had retained her memories somehow – Kara suspected that Lex and the book of Destiny might have something to do with that. So Lena still hated her. But, according to public record, Lena was one of her most outspoken supporters, which meant that she had to see Lena time and time again, and it never hurt any less than it had the first time.
Lena was warm in front of the cameras, shaking Kara’s hand, and boasting about how wonderful Supergirl’s latest rescues were, never able to stop praising Supergirl’s name, all the while the journalists and the camera people ate it up.
The second the curtain fell, so did Lena’s smile. She would rip her hand from Kara’s, and leave without another word.
Kara didn’t know how she was doing, what she was doing, and how she was surviving her brother’s tyrannical rise to power.
And now she was in front of Kara’s door, spine straightened, high heels on, and her hair pulled back in a headache-inducing ponytail.
Kara paled, and Alex could almost read who was out there on Kara’s face. Kara never looked scared when Lex was there. She mostly just looked pissed off. No, that scared, guilty pale expression on her face, that was her Lena face.
On trembling legs, Kara made her way to the front door and hesitated only a second before opening it.
For a second, Kara could only stare.
Lena was beautiful. She was wearing a sleek, black coat, and her make-up was impeccably done, like always. Being COO instead of CEO was somehow still agreeing with her. If she was pissed off at the change and had suffered from it, it didn’t show. She looked cold, distant, and yet strangely resolute.
“H-hi,” Kara stuttered.
“Brainy called me,” Lena interrupted, obviously not about to engage in some meaningless small talk just for the sake of it. “He said something about a plan.”
Everybody’s heads, Kara’s included swung to Brainy, who was eating his slice of pizza in blissful unawareness. Only when he got punched in the arm by Nia did he look at her questioningly, before becoming aware of everyone’s eyes on her.
“Oh, yes, I forgot to inform you,” he said matter-of-factly, “but I have been in contact with Lena when I first started developing the plan in my mind. She has a genius mind, it would be foolish not to employ it when handling such a delicate situation.”
He waved at Lena before going back to eating his pizza.
Stunned, Kara turned back to Lena who was still standing rather frigidly by the door.
“You want to help?” Kara asked confused.
Lena scoffed. “Just because I don’t think it hurts to peg you down a notch doesn’t mean I agree with my brother being in charge of National City and using you as his personal Supertoy."
Kara flinched.
"He’s a maniac, he has to be stopped. I haven’t stooped so low that I would let our little spat come between that,” she challenged.
Kara let the hurt of the sting wash over her and tried not to show it.
She just nodded and opened the door.
Lena seemed almost surprised at the quick concession, probably expecting a fight, or at least a little resistance on Kara's - or Alex' - part. She quickly schooled her impression, however, and strode into Kara's apartment like she belonged there, her heels clicking on the wooden floor.
“Alright,” she said, “what are we working with?”
It took them about a week to work out the plan. It would’ve taken two weeks at the least without Lena’s help, Brainy kept insisting, but no one was really fighting him on that. It took longer to convince J'onn though. He heavily opposed prying through Kara’s memories, and would barely stand to hear them out, even after Alex had vouched for Kara’s safety.
They had everything.
Lena had provided her in-building secret lab as a location, Kelly had smuggled some of her tech from Rojas’ Industries, and Kara had agreed to let them sift through her mind, writing down anything she could remember that could be relevant to the mind probe.
But J'onn had opposed long and hard.
“I can’t even read your mind when you’re superpowered, Kara! We would have to make you human for it to work!”
“Then we’ll do that!” Kara had insisted.
“No! I am not putting your life on the line like that! We will find a different solution!”
“But it’s our only plan, J'onn!”
“There will be a new plan!” he’d said. “One that doesn’t involve leaving you vulnerable to Lex’s attacks.
Then he’d left, leaving Kara feeling more hopeless than ever.
It had taken one meeting with Lex for J'onn to change his mind.
Kara and Alex had been called to LuthorCorp to discuss some private D.E.O. business in Lex’s office. When they got there, Lena was sitting in that same office, on the white couch. Based on his smirk, Kara deduced Lena was obviously there to knock her off her balance.
It almost did, but she stood her ground.
She only allowed herself one glance at Lena, out of the corner of her eye, just to confirm that the other woman was safe and okay. She looked stunning, slightly pale with worry, but stunning all the same. She was wearing a marine suit as if to show that on some level, she could still match her brother, if not out-do him.
“I was thinking,” Lex mused, pulling Kara out of her own mind, spinning in his chair, the tops of fingers connected like he was some evil genius with an evil plan.
Oh wait.
“You’ve been doing such a good job as Supergirl lately, stopping crimes from happening all over the city.”
Kara felt Alex stiffen next to her, and she couldn’t blame her. Where was this compliment going?
“However,” Lex said, standing up and walking around his desk, “I still counted five vehicular accidents that ended in death. On Tuesday, four people died after an alien knocked some buildings over – ”
“I stopped that alien,” Kara argued.
“Don’t interrupt me!” Lex snapped, and Kara held her tongue.
While she would love to put him back in his place, his power over her was undeniable. She’d heard Lena’s heart speed up just the slightest bit, equally concerned that her brother’s outburst could have catastrophic consequences.
“Now,” he said, calming himself down and straightening his tie. “Where was I? Oh,”
He smirked. “While you’ve done a good job so far, it’s undeniable that there’s still more work to be done. You need to spend your time anticipating accidents and crimes, and stop them before they have the chance to hurt anybody. You need to be vigilant, every day of every night.”
A feeling of dread bubbled in Kara’s body.
“You should give up your cutesy little day job, and devote your time to being a full-time Superhero. Especially now that your little cousin isn’t here to pick up the slack.”
“No,” Kara forced out.
It seemed he had anticipated her refusal because while he might be a superhero, he was not a good actor.
“I’m sorry?” he asked with faux-worry, a hint of a smirk not far from his mouth. “I must’ve misunderstood you because that almost sounded like you wanted to say –”
“No. No, I won’t quit CatCo.”
This time he did smile. A grueling, awful smile, that took pleasure in her confusion and powerlessness.
“My dear,” he said, walking right up to her, “I think you must’ve misunderstood me.”
He smirked.
“I own you. You do as I tell you. When I say you’ll quit CatCo, you’ll do so with a smile and a stunning resignation letter. When I say leap of that building, you’re already on the ground.”
He arched an eyebrow, a move so like his sister that it made Kara shudder.
"Don't forget I own your apartment. I basically own your job. I own this city, which means I. Own. You."
Kara hated that he was right. She hated that he had this undeniable power, that no one could take away from him.
“Am I understood?”
He was standing so close she could smell his overly expensive, gag-inducing cologne. The urge to hit him right in his teeth was bubbling up inside of her, and it took every ounce of strength inside her not to ruin everything.
She clenched her jaw, and his smile widened.
Lena’s heart started racing. Maybe she knew something Kara didn’t. Maybe Lex wanted to make her angry, wanted to get her to attack, maybe all of this was leading up to something terrible, something she couldn’t risk.
“Am. I. Understood, Miss Danvers?”
Lena’s racing heart proved to be the deciding factor.
Kara squared her jaw and looked Lex straight in the eye.
“Yes.”
“Yes, who?” Lex decided to bury the knife as deep as he could.
“Yes, Mr. Luthor,” Kara said, before turning on her heel, and leaving the room, not sparing Lena one look as not to raise suspicions.
Lena’s relief was almost palpable because her heart slowed, and she let out the quietest of sighs, and Kara knew, that despite her anger, her frustration, and her powerlessness, she had done the right thing.
Alex let out one last scoff at the sight of Lena – in character, or maybe just because she’d really grown to despise Lena, who knew – and then they both left the premises.
When Kara came knocking on his door, half in tears because she was trying to write a resignation letter which she knew Lex would parade around in the years to come, J'onn finally seemed to be convinced of their case.
The next night, Kelly, Kara, J'onn, Brainy, Nia, and Alex all gathered in Lena’s underground lab, ready to do business.
“Okay, Kara,” Kelly said, motioning for Kara to lay down on a dentist-like chair, “I’m just going to attach some sensors right here,” she placed some cold naps on Kara’s temples, “and then,” she clicked on some buttons on a tiny panel on her iPad, “we should be able to get an image later, with J'onn’s help.”
Kara nodded.
She didn’t feel very comfortable. She was still dressed in her Supergirl suit because she hadn’t wanted to go back home and change after zapping through the air. Plus, she knew Lex was tracking her, and there was no reason for Kara Danvers to be out on the streets that night. She didn’t have her best friend anymore; no job, no work friends. What did she have to go out for?
Plus, plus, she thought Lena was more comfortable seeing her in her super suit because it gave her the chance to stay in her righteous anger zone. When Kara was dressed as herself, she could feel Lena fighting herself, conflicted over having to deal with the idea that Kara and Supergirl were somehow the same person, and that she was talking to both of them at the same time.
It was easier for Lena, her being Supergirl. Supergirl she already disliked. Supergirl she could hate.
Kara Danvers was more complicated.
Lena was currently making her way through her sterile, white lab, busying herself with taking data from J'onn, checking her leftover Reign-inspired technology, and using whatever she could remember from her research with Malefic.
Since the whole ‘non-nocere’ thing hadn’t actually happened on Earth-Prime, Lena had to work primarily from memory, which wasn’t the easiest course of action. Luckily for them, Lena had a photographic memory, and a tendency to take mental notes about her projects.
Finally, it was time for them to make Kara human.
None of their plans would work if Kara didn’t cooperate. She had to do it. To secure everyone, she had to go against her core instincts, and temporarily give up her powers. She knew she had to. That still didn’t mean she was looking forward to it.
“Okay Kara,” Kelly said, coming over and taking Kara’s hand, “Lena’s going to turn on the lamps we discussed alright?”
Kara nodded tersely, and Kelly went to sit down on the chair next to her.
“I just want to say that, I know it’s scary and I know this must be horrible for you. So, I’m really sorry my plan is putting you through all this.”
Kara looked up at Kelly and smiled sadly.
“Thanks, Kelly, that’s really sweet. But I promise I’ll be okay. Really.”
Kara wasn’t actually sure she believed her own words, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to try.
But Kelly didn’t go anywhere. In fact, she stayed seated right next to Kara. She tilted her head and smiled sweetly at Kara.
“It’s okay to find things scary, Kara. Being super strong doesn’t automatically erase our ability to feel fear and dread, you know.”
Kara smiled gratefully up at Kelly. She wasn’t really ready to scream out, but she did feel more reassured.
“The lamps have charged,” Lena informed them through her microphone. She was on the other end of the glass, controlling the conditions of the room perfectly.
“You ready?” Kelly asked.
Kara nodded. “I’m ready.”
Kelly made a sign, and right on cue, five large light bulbs lit up in a vibrant red color.
The effect was instant.
It kind of felt like diving into a pool. The noises drowned out, replaced by a dull ringing in her ears. Her vision got blurrier, weaker, and she shut her eyes to keep the world from turning. Kara felt a heavy thug on all of her limbs like she was sinking deeper and deeper. A weight on her chest, forcing her down. She felt tired, exhausted – even. Her energy drained away, and her head turned uncomfortably.
She groaned and felt someone take her hand.
“Kara?” she heard. “Kara, are you okay?”
“M-fine,” she said. “I think’t worked ‘ine.”
"You're not hurting?"
Kara shook her head.
“Okay. Okay good. Listen, Lena’s gonna monitor your vitals, okay? She’s also gonna hook you up to an IV, are you okay with that?”
Kara groaned in what she hoped translated into something affirmative.
“I want you to know I’ll be right back, okay, Kara? When Lena’s done, I’ll be back. I won’t leave you alone during the whole process, okay?”
Kara nodded slightly. Gratefully.
She cracked open her eyes and felt a little better. The world wasn’t turning so much anymore, and she got more accustomed to the colors and shapes of everything. The ringing in her ears slowly died down, and she could make out different sounds again. Alex and Kelly talking in hushed tones. She couldn’t hear Brainy and Nia, but she assumed they were on the other end of the glass, where she couldn’t hear them anymore.
Then, she heard footsteps coming from her left, she turned her head and saw Lena approaching, clad in a white lab coat, her hair in a tight ponytail, and her sterile glove-covered hands carrying a tray of medical equipment.
She didn’t look at Kara as she sat down on the chair that had previously been occupied by Kelly. She put the equipment down on one of the metal wheely trays, carefully separating each piece.
Kara looked at Lena’s fingers, deftly going through the tubes, scalpels, cotton wads, and needles, completely absorbed in her work.
When Lena finally spoke up, it startled Kara.
“I’m going to hook you up to a heart rate monitor, and attach these,” she held up to sticker like things, “to your vitals. Do you consent?”
It took Kara a moment to understand that Lena was talking to her.
“Oh, eh, yes,” she muttered awkwardly.
Lena nodded. “Please lift your top then.”
“Oh,” Kara said, “I can’t, it’s a one-piece.”
Lena sighed. “I’ll get you some scrubs. You undress.”
Kara stood up, but the effects of gravity and the world on Kara’s body were almost too much for her to take in at once, and she crumpled to the ground. Right before she could hit the actual floor, however, she was caught by two strong hands holding onto her waist.
The hands were strong, familiar, warm even through the thick fabric of her suit. The scent of Lena’s perfume engulfed her, and tears almost sprung in Kara’s eyes when she recognized the all-too-familiar scent. Lena's scent. Kara could feel Lena’s arms support her, help her, save her.
Kara felt dizzy, the fall messing with her perception.
Lena was right there. She'd caught her.
“Is she okay? Kara, are you okay? Do I need to go in there?”
Alex’s panicked voice wormed its way through the speakers in the room, breaking Kara’s temporary Lena spell.
"Are the lamps too strong? Is she - "
“M-fine!” Kara managed to croak out.
She leaned heavily against Lena’s front, as Lena slowly and carefully got her to stand up again.
“Are you okay?” the Lena behind her asked softly, helping her up.
Kara nodded, and she felt Lena exhale against her neck, making the little hairs there stand up straight.
“Just a little gravity.”
Kara turned to face Lena. The other woman nodded, her eyes flitting over Kara quickly, as if she was trying to check if Kara really was okay. When Kara turned out to be telling the truth, Lena quickly let go of her, not really looking at Kara, but focusing on the notes in front of her. Still, she looked shaken. A little less sure than she had before.
“You’ll be okay taking off your own clothes?”
Kara blushed. “Yep,” she said quickly.
“Okay.”
Lena turned around and left.
On wobbly legs, Kara managed to take off the suit, which wasn’t nearly as efficient and easy to do as when she did have her powers. She struggled a bit but managed to get it off completely.
Standing there in her white bra and panties, she felt kind of exposed. She could see through the glass and saw that everyone had at least had the courtesy to look the other way – although she was convinced J'onn was traumatized for life. Lena came back seconds later with a white hospital gown.
“There weren’t enough scrubs left so I –”
She stopped mid-sentence when she saw Kara, and Kara was a little confused. She couldn’t hear Lena’s heartbeat, so she couldn’t tell why she looked so… taken aback.
Lena remained frozen for exactly three seconds – Kara counted – before she managed to shake off whatever it was that bothered her, and all but shoved the gown in Kara’s hands. She then immediately went back to going through her files, even though Kara suspected Lena had gone through them about a million times now.
She quickly got dressed and got back on her chair.
Lena rolled up her sleeves, and gently asked if she could apply the sticker thingies.
Kara just nodded, holding her breath for absolutely no reason.
Lena’s hands skimmed over her collarbones, and right over the swell of her breasts. It made the entirety of Kara’s skin break out in goosebumps. Lena quickly managed to put down the stickers, even placing one on Kara’s side.
She turned around and heard the beeping of the heart rate monitor.
Then, Lena started cleaning a tiny part of Kara’s skin on her hand with a cotton swab. Now Kara had had all kinds of injuries over the years, from head traumas to broken bones. And while she couldn’t say those were all very comfortable, not at all actually, she still really, really, really didn’t like getting poked by a needle. She knew it was childish, but Rao did she hate it.
So when Lena prepared a needle, Kara clenched her eyes shut and balled her fist tightly.
If Lena noticed, she didn’t say anything. However, she did take Kara’s hand gentler than any other doctor would have, slowly making it uncurl and open up.
With Kara’s fingers spread, Lena covered those with her left hand for a brief moment, almost gently coaxing her to relax. The fingers were so soft, so comforting, that for a second, Kara felt absolutely safe. Then, Lena inserted the needle so fast, that Kara could barely jump up at the slight pinch in her hand.
The IV was attached within seconds, and Lena finished up as quickly as she had started, the comfort long forgotten.
J'onn and Kelly made their way into the room, right as Lena slipped out, and Kara barely had the time to mourn Lena's absence.
“Okay, Kara,” Kelly started.
She seemed nervous. Her hands were clenched together, and she actually seemed regretful that she’d ever allowed this to happen to Kara in the first place. Kara tried to reassure her with a quick smile, but she wasn’t sure it really had much convincing power.
“We’ve got all the monitors on,” Kara saw a lot of flickering lights on Kelly’s panel, “and right there,” she motioned at a tiny TV in front of Kara, “is where we’re going to try and redirect the memories. We think we’ve figured out how, but we’re going to have to start slow, so we can all work together as a team to do this.”
She licked her lips anxiously.
“Is that okay?”
Kara grimaced. “Fine.”
“Okay,” Kelly giggled nervously, almost relieved. “Then let’s start.”
“You can go ahead by picturing an easy memory. Something that happened, not too long ago. Something simple. Can you do that for us, Kara?”
Kara thought.
Her head felt heavy. That was J'onn in her head, she knew it. He weighed heavily on her brain, like the feeling you get when you know you’re going to have a headache, but it’s not quite starting yet. The comfort was gone. The weight remained.
Kara thought back to Kelly sitting next to her on the chair, comforting her.
“I want you to know I’ll be right back, okay, Kara? When Lena’s done, I’ll be back. I won’t leave you alone during the whole process, okay?”
Kara jumped up when she heard the voice in her mind suddenly manifest in the room. And there it was. Kelly’s sweet soulful eyes were right there on display on the TV, uttering the same words she’d spoken minutes before.
Kelly let out a disbelieving laugh, and Kara heard some whoops and cheers in the room adjacent to the clinical lab. Kara cracked a smile and looked at Kelly, who nodded proudly.
“Well done, Kara,” she said. “Now we can delve into the hard parts.”
It ultimately wasn’t too complicated.
Kara had some memories from Lex as a child, mostly seeming him on TV, but Kelly thought those were useful too. Then she had the Red Daughter memories, the memories of him fighting her. She was just supposed to think back and find those memories.
But of course, that’s not how it turned out.
“Relax, Kara, just relax.”
“Clear your mind.”
“Relax.”
Kara was starting to go crazy. How can one relax and focus at the same time? This was impossible. She wanted to move. She wanted to get out. They’d been sitting here for twenty minutes! Maybe the first time had been a fluke. Maybe it really wasn’t going to work.
“Think back to something… peaceful. We can work from there. Just relax, Kara. Just.”
“Oh my God, can you just relax already? You’re driving me insane.”
The annoyed voice of a sixteen-year-old Alex Danvers filled the room, and the image of an angry teenager with choppy dark hair appeared on the television screen.
“I’m just trying –”
“I know you’re ‘just trying,’” Alex barked out, “that’s the problem!”
“But I –”
“No! You’re embarrassing me in front of everybody! Why can’t you just be normal!”
A sob unaccompanied by an actual visual resounded through the room.
Alex sighed impatiently, clearly a little affected by the younger girl’s off-screen sob.
“Okay, stop,” Alex cut her off. “We can’t fight right before school. Mom’ll kill us.”
“Eliza is going to murder us?” a tiny voice shrieked.
The younger Alex moaned in frustration and pulled at the skin of her face.
“It’s an expression. God, you’re really just so – so – stupid! No! No, she's not going to kill us! But she's going to be pissed, so we need to move.”
There was a silence for a brief moment before they heard Eliza’s voice ring out.
“We’re leaving! Hurry up, girls! What’s taking so long?”
The Alex on-screen looked at the door and yelled: “We’ll be right down!” before turning back to look at her.
“At least take off those stupid earmuffs! They look ridiculous. It’s almost 90 degrees out! Everybody will laugh at you if you wear those.”
“But they make the sounds not so loud anymore,” the tiny voice protested.
“Yeah, well would you rather have loud sounds or absolutely zero friends?”
It seemed to take Kara a while to decide because Alex became more and more impatient.
“Girls, I’m leaving! Anybody not in the car in the next ten seconds can walk to school.”
Alex groaned loudly, before angrily staring at her. She finally seemed to come to a decision. She picked up her school bag and slung it over one shoulder.
“Take them off or don’t," Alex said. "It's up to you. But if you don’t, don’t even think about talking to me in the cafeteria, you hear? I can't have you embarrassing me in front of my friends.”
With one final glare, Alex left through the bedroom door.
The frame on the TV stayed put on the soft blue of Kara’s old bedroom wall. Then, two hands moved up and came down with a pair of earmuffs.
The frame stayed on the earmuffs for a few more seconds.
“Kara!” Eliza’s voice called out.
Then, the hands threw the earmuffs on the bed and didn’t pick them back up.
“I’m coming!” the tiny-Kara-voice rang out.
The frame moved to a bedroom door, and the memory stopped, the television cutting to a black screen.
Kara gasped for air, and Kelly was quickly there to help her calm down.
“W-what –”
“Shh, shhh,” Kelly hushed. “It’s okay, are you alright?”
“What the hell just happened?” Kara asked after she finally calmed down. “I heard – I saw –”
“It works, Kara,” Kelly said softly. “You just showed us a memory from years ago. An early memory. You did it. Your earliest memory from Lex is only a couple of months away from this memory. You did it!”
“Good job, kiddo,” J'onn’s voice thundered. “You did well.”
Kara nodded, not feeling the relief she did when the machine first started working.
She became increasingly aware of the glass wall separating her from everybody else. No one was cheering now.
Most notably, Alex wasn’t cheering now, and Kara wondered, not for the first time, how the entire situation would work out. If she had so little control over what memories came up – she hadn’t meant to pick that particular memory after all – what would happen to all of them if she shared her memories with them?
Would they still see her as the same person?
What if they saw her RedK memories? Her bad memories? Her memories of hurting people? Embarrassing memories?
Would they even look her in the eye after that?
Before she could voice her worries or her thoughts, Kelly was loading up the tech again, while J'onn morphed into his green Martian form, ready to invade her mind again.
Kara swallowed.
“Let’s continue.”