Chapter Text
Yasmin Khan thrust her hands into the soapy water, barely noticing how the hot water stung her fingers or how the foam retaliated and splashed back at her, soaking through her t-shirt and making it cling to her skin. It had been a long day, and she’d barely had time to get through the door after work when Sonya had rounded on her, accusing her of tearing a hole in her favourite jeans.
Yaz instantly denied everything, knowing that the explanation would be too far-fetched to be believed, even if it was true. Besides, the Doctor had been very apologetic about her damaged clothing, which was only fair given that she’d been responsible for the incident in the first place, forcing them to run through a field of particularly thorny plants in an attempt to escape from some unfriendly locals.
“Sonya, I wouldn’t even fit into your jeans,” Yaz tried, keen to appease her sister as she felt a headache start to pound behind her eyes. She sighed as she kicked off her shoes, wanting nothing more than to shower away the day and cool down, just a bit. The summer months were always a bit uncomfortable when spent in uniform. And according to the forecast, things were about to get even hotter.
“Ha. Nice try, Yaz. I saw you coming back wearing them the other day. With the Doctor.”
The way Sonya raised an eyebrow when she said the Doctor’s name gave Yaz pause.
“I can try and fix them, y’know. They’ll be good as new.”
Yaz shook her head, knowing that the Doctor’s last attempt to repair her clothes had ended up with the arms being stitched together.
“It’s okay. Sonya has so many pairs of jeans that she’ll never notice.” Yaz knew the words were a lie but she also didn’t want the Doctor to feel bad. She hadn’t been herself recently, prone to melancholy moods that Yaz wasn’t sure how to navigate. Not yet. She had been sure that whatever was bothering her friend would come out in time. But the longer that passed, the more uncertain Yaz was that any kind of resolution would happen. The Doctor had changed, and that change seemed to be permanent.
She shook her head, attempting a reassuring smile.
“Really, Doctor. It’s fine. Now, get going. I know you’ve probably got lots to do and I have to get to work.”
The Doctor brightened, briefly.
“Of course, Yaz. Give some thought about where you’d like to go next, eh? I’ll take you wherever you want.”
It had been the Doctor’s way of apologising for what Yaz called her mardy moods. Yaz wondered if the boys even got a look in on the choice of destination. Given how oblivious they seemed to the Doctor’s mood in general, they’d probably not even noticed what Yaz had: that something was wrong. Or maybe nothing was wrong, and her perspective had changed. Maybe she’d just started to realise that the person they travelled with was not who Yaz thought she was.
Hearing an argument brewing between her daughters, Najia had intervened and separated them under the ruse of chores. Which is how Yaz found herself doing the dishes as her dad cooked dinner. In truth, she didn’t mind the activity; she could let her mind wander, and it was nice to be on her feet after spending a shift driving around Sheffield.
“How was your day, love?” Hakim asked, his back to Yaz as he stirred something on the hob. The kitchen window was open to try and let some cooler air into the flat but it was still warm and Yaz was glad she’d changed into more comfortable clothes.
“Oh, you know.”
Parking disputes. Teenagers smoking weed. Graffiti.
“The usual.”
Yaz was actually glad for the banality, for once. Their recent trips with the Doctor had been chaotic to say the least, and their recent trip to Orphan 55 had left Yaz reeling for weeks. Seeing a vision of future Earth had deprived her of sleep to the point where she’d lie awake at night, picturing the end of the world as she knew it. The Doctor, on the other hand, had taken it in her stride. At least, she seemed to; it made Yaz feel more than a little sad to think how easily she’d adjusted. Just how much had the Doctor seen? Yaz felt like they’d only just scratched the surface and that brief glimpse was enough to unsettle her, uproot her vision of humanity and turn it on its head.
So, she found herself grateful for the reminders that her version of Earth was very much unchanged. Even dealing with sleepy drunks filled her with relief.
The front door closed a little too enthusiastically and Yaz could hear Najia talking with Sonya down the hall. Her sister breezed into the kitchen moments later, bearing an empty recycling bin that she plonked unceremoniously on the floor.
“Your Doctor’s here.”
Yaz fumbled with the plate she was holding, dropping it into the water in surprise. The Doctor had only just dropped her off that morning. There was no way she’d be back so soon unless she’d forgotten something. Or got her timings out, which still happened despite her protests to the contrary.
Yaz quickly wiped her hands on her shorts, ignoring the way they trembled slightly. She had no idea why she suddenly felt so apprehensive. Sonya smirked at her, waiting to see what would happen next.
“I’ll just…”
“I knew it. Something’s going on, isn’t it?” Sonya teased, and Yaz brushed past her without a word, snagging her keys and leaving before she could hear any more.
At one time, Sonya had been right. Yaz had been infatuated. She saw that, now. But it was only when an infatuation was over that you could really see it for what it was, and Yaz no longer put the Doctor on a pedestal. Now, she tried to put a bit of distance between them, protect herself a bit better, because it hurt when the Doctor snapped at her. And that happened on a more regular basis than Yaz would have liked.
All she’d done was make the odd comment here or there, or ask a simple question, nothing too probing, and the Doctor would retaliate like a wounded animal lashing out in self-defence. Yaz wasn’t sure she was equipped to handle that, particularly when it became obvious she knew so little about the woman standing in front of her. She was very much out of her depth.
True to Sonya’s word, the TARDIS was standing where it normally did outside her block of flats. Yaz could see it from the front door but the doors hadn’t yet opened. Normally, the Doctor would be waiting for her outside, and Yaz had assumed that Sonya had actually seen the Doctor. Yaz mentally shrugged as she closed the door behind her, trying not to speculate as she headed towards the lift.
“How come you always come here first?”
“I think the TARDIS likes to park herself outside your flat, you know,” the Doctor smiled, leaning against the doors as she watched Yaz approach.
“Do you not put in some coordinates or something?” The idea that a space-and-time ship would actively choose to park outside Yaz’s flat block brought a grin to her face.
“Well, I do think about where I want to go. She takes it from there.”
Yaz felt her grin grow as she tried not to read too much into that particular statement.
Except the Doctor was still nowhere to be seen when Yaz got to the ground floor. And as she neared the TARDIS, the doors opened of their own accord, like they sensed her coming. Yaz frowned, slowing her pace as she got closer. The Doctor still didn’t emerge. There had sometimes been a delay between her landing and emerging, that was true - usually when she had to put out a fire somewhere - but the delay was never normally this long.
Yaz reached for the phone in her pocket, sending a message to her Whatsapp chat with Graham and Ryan. She knew Graham probably wouldn’t see it but Ryan certainly would, and he’d bring his granddad with him. Yaz found herself unwilling to enter the TARDIS alone.
“Alright, Yaz?” Ryan said, squinting into the evening sun as he inspected the TARDIS doors. “Is the Doctor not here?”
Yaz shook her head.
“No sign of her. I didn’t want to go in. Y’know. Just in case.”
The excuse sounded feeble to her own ears but Graham gave her an empathetic nod.
“Bit strange, isn’t it?” he commented. “Come on, let’s go in together.”
Yaz nodded, relieved to have her friends with her once more. She’d not had to wait long - only 15 minutes or so - but with every minute that passed with no sign of the Doctor, her mounting anxiety had grown and she’d resorted to pacing in an attempt to get rid of the nervous energy. It had garnered her some odd looks from her neighbours but Yaz paid them no mind, too worried to care.
“Doc?” Graham called out, the first to set foot inside. Yaz could see over his shoulder that the lights inside were low, making it hard to see. The Doctor sometimes called it low-power mode, but all Yaz could think was that they were walking into the dark. She felt Ryan come up behind her and give her a pat on the shoulder, and that was enough to encourage her inside.
It took a moment to adjust to the change in light. Compared to the outside temperature, the TARDIS was freezing cold, and Yaz had a feeling that if she could see well enough she’d see her own breath in the air. She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself, wishing for the first time in days that she was wearing something warmer.
The moment that Ryan stepped in behind her, the doors creaked shut.
Yaz turned on her heel, spooked.
“Did you-”
“I didn’t,” Ryan commented, taking a step away from the doors in alarm.
Yaz could hear his voice but she could barely make him out in the sudden gloom. All she could hear was the thud of her own heartbeat in her ears and she took cautious steps towards the console, where at least there was a little light. Graham was already there, not fazed by the atmosphere it seemed, and that gave Yaz courage.
“Any sign of the Doctor?” she called out, embedding as much strength in her voice as she could. She did this at work, sometimes, when she didn’t feel confident. Fake it til you make it.
“There’s a note, here,” Graham said, picking up a post-it note. The Doctor had once told them she'd invented them and thus had a lifetime supply. Yaz pushed the memory to one side, keen to see their first clue. It was only when Yaz got close enough that she could see the Doctor’s distinctive scribble.
“She’s probably just popped out to the shops,” Ryan joked, joining them at the console. But Yaz barely heard him, retrieving the note from Graham.
“Could you do the honours? Forgot my reading glasses,” Graham said.
Yaz nodded.
“It just says...press play.”
“On what?” Ryan asked. “I can barely see anything as it is.”
“Give it a moment, son. You’ll adjust.”
Graham was right, Yaz realised. She could start to see better now that she’d been inside for a few minutes, but even then the eerie quiet did little to settle her nerves. If this was the Doctor’s idea of a joke, Yaz didn’t find it funny.
“Here! What’s this?”
Ryan pointed to a screen that was barely lit. He’d learned not to touch anything on the TARDIS and Yaz bit back a smile at his reluctance to press the very obvious play symbol.
“It’s alright. You should press it,” she said, pocketing the note.
Graham joined them just in time for the Doctor’s face to come on screen.
She looked harried. Yaz barely took in what the Doctor was saying because she was far too distracted by the other clues the video gave her. The way the Doctor kept looking off screen - was somebody else there? The way she used her hands to explain herself was very Doctor-ish but Yaz was certain she could see a slight tremble to them. And her smile; it wasn’t a genuine one. It was the one she’d used when Yaz had asked if she’d take them to her home. Fake.
“Right. Someone's on my trail. They don't know what I look like but they know what I smell like and they're following me.”
The very idea gave Yaz goosebumps. What had the Doctor done? Where had she gone while Yaz had been at work? It had only been 10 hours since she’d dropped her home.
Yaz jumped as the sound of an alarm suddenly blared on the recording.
“Ok! Ok,” the Doctor muttered, leaning to one side as she muttered off-screen. “I have to explain to the fam, first.” Yaz tried to ignore how close she got to the screen and how much she longed to reach out and touch her. The Doctor’s absence was tangible.
The Doctor re-emerged, tucking her hair behind her ear as she hurried to explain herself.
“Sorry, bit of a rush. Basics: I’ve gone into hiding. I'll have hidden myself in plain sight, not far away from you - but I have no idea where. And last but not least, I’ll be human, like you lot! They can’t find me that way. Only thing is, I won’t remember anything. But I’ll still look like the same old me.”
Yaz felt sick.
“Hold on,” Ryan said, pausing the video. Yaz tried to ignore how panicked the Doctor looked in the freeze-frame. “What is she on about?”
“How can she become human? And why wouldn’t she know where she is?” Graham scratched his chin.
Yaz was speechless. The more obvious questions - how could she even become human, for a start - were pushed to one side by a more emotional one: where had the Doctor gone? Yaz tried not to panic. She’d be back, surely. The Doctor always found a way out of the worst scrapes.
“Play it,” she murmured numbly, trying to focus on the problem at hand.
Ryan pressed the button without another word.
“I’ll need to ask a favour of you. I’ve not gone anywhere, not really, but this watch-”
The Doctor pointed to the bottom of the screen and Yaz squinted, surprised to see a fob watch sitting beneath the monitor. They’d not noticed it before, which was understandable given the lack of light.
“This watch is me. Really. You need to look after it very carefully because I’ll need it soon enough.”
Yaz hesitated before picking it up, feeling the cool weight of it in her palm. It felt lighter than she’d expected, but also so dangerously fragile that she almost put it straight back down again for fear of dropping it.
“Yaz, I want you to hold onto it.”
There was a pregnant pause.
Yaz could feel Graham and Ryan looking at her and she cleared her throat, cautiously pocketing the watch.
“Probably because I’m the most sensible,” she tried to joke, ears burning as she tried to imagine why the Doctor would ask her to look after it. It was such a huge responsibility, one that Yaz wasn’t sure she was truly ready for. Or wanted. Normally the Doctor looked after them, but this...this was huge.
The Doctor’s voice was calmer now, as if she’d predicted how her request would be received. Like she was placating Yaz through the medium of video.
“I trust you and you need to trust me. I’ll come back. I promise. And you need to keep that watch safe. Only open it if you really, really need me, because if they’re still following me and you open it...they’ll find me.”
Yaz had a feeling the Doctor was speaking directly to her. She didn’t know how, but when nobody else spoke, she realised the others thought it, too.
“You okay, Yaz?” Graham asked.
Yaz nodded mutely as the Doctor continued.
“I’ve put the TARDIS into low-power mode and she’ll probably pop off for a bit. When she comes back, it’s safe. Probably in a few months or so, give the trail time to go cold. And don't forget-”
The video ended abruptly. Yaz gasped.
“What?! It can’t end like that. Rewind it, Ryan.”
He scrolled back and they watched the last minute again, only to determine that the recording really did end that suddenly.
Yaz found herself in need of a seat and stumbled towards the steps in the gloom, collapsing onto one.
“Blimey,” Graham breathed. “What...what on earth has she got herself into?”
Yaz realised his words could apply to herself and she started to laugh, completely at a loss for what to do. The Doctor was gone - except she wasn’t, she was here, probably in Sheffield, but she didn’t even know who her friends were. She was alone, more than likely. And she was in danger.
Ryan sat next to her, pulling her into a gentle hug without another word. Yaz absorbed the comfort gratefully because she had a feeling she’d need a lot more of it in the coming months. It felt like they'd been cut adrift, and the prospect was terrifying.
“She talks so fast,” she sniffed, alarmed to realise she was starting to get upset. “Can we watch it again?”
Ryan nodded, giving her a reassuring squeeze before he headed back to the console and pressed play. He took out his phone to record it for safekeeping and Yaz had to admire his foresight.
They watched the video several times because what the Doctor explained was so off-the-wall that it bore repeating. After a few loops they skipped past the start, which mainly comprised the Doctor talking off-screen. Yaz realised she was talking to the TARDIS.
The three of them watched silently as the Doctor explained herself again, and again, and each time a little more started to sink in. Yaz knew she wasn’t the only one struggling to absorb everything the Doctor was telling them and she was relieved the others were there to help fill in the gaps. And each time they watched the silence ebbed away until the three of them were up to speed.
Each time the video cut off at the end, Yaz flinched.
Something was bothering her. The Doctor had an explanation for nearly everything, everything except one crucial thing.
“How will we know if we really, really need her?” Yaz thought aloud.
Ryan shrugged and Graham regarded her sympathetically.
How would Yaz know?
Because she felt like she really needed the Doctor right that second. The pressure the Doctor had just placed them under was immense and Yaz could have sworn the watch in her pocket was growing heavier by the minute. The Doctor was in her pocket, but also out in the world somewhere. It didn’t make sense.
“I don’t know, love. But the Doc must really be in trouble to go into hiding. You know what she’s like! Always facing things head on. Stubborn as a mule, sometimes.”
Yaz sighed. Graham had a point. The Doctor was the bravest person she knew, even if she refused to deal with her own issues. And she was certainly stubborn.
“What’s this?” Ryan had wandered to the other side of the room pointing to something that was hanging from the ceiling. Yaz pushed herself to her feet, eager to investigate a new clue. She just had to treat this like she would an investigation, she reasoned. Put together whatever puzzle pieces she could.
As she neared the contraption, Yaz’s first thought was that it looked like a torture device.
“It looks like you could wear it,” she mused, fingers hovering just shy of touching it. There was something about it that made her uncomfortable, a lingering aura that suggested something unpleasant. The shape of it made Yaz think it would fit over her head, and she stepped back, suddenly not wanting to be anywhere near it.
“Do you think that did it?” Graham asked, joining them. “If she’s become human...it must have taken some doing. It’s not like she can just will it to happen is it?”
The Doctor could regenerate, Yaz knew that much, but she was pretty certain she couldn’t rewrite herself without help.
“Do you think...do you think she’s alright?”
Graham didn’t say anything. The three of them stared at the contraption for a long moment until another shiver passed through Yaz. She needed to get out. Be warm, see light. The TARDIS without the Doctor in it was not a nice place to be; if anything, it was the last place Yaz wanted to be at that moment. It felt like they were trespassing without her there and the quiet simply served to remind her that the Doctor was gone. Even if she was coming back - at some point - she was gone from their lives for the time being.
Yaz marched towards the doors, not even sparing a backwards glance. The Doctor hadn’t asked them to find her, but the very fact that she was nearby and hidden didn’t sit well with Yaz. She needed to see for her own eyes that she was alright. Yaz wasn’t ready for a life without the Doctor, even if it was only for a few months. It was too sudden.
The moment she stepped into the dusk, Yaz felt like she could breathe again. The atmosphere in the TARDIS had been oppressive and she braced her hands on her knees as she took deep breaths, letting the warm air heat her chilled skin.
She turned as Ryan and Graham joined her, and Graham had barely shut the doors when the TARDIS started to fade from view.
“Oh, no,” Yaz moaned, realising that one of their last links with the Doctor had literally disappeared in front of their eyes. The only remaining connection was sitting inanimately in her pocket.
Doctor, what have you done?