Archive of Our Own

Seokjin was the last one to arrive at the party.

It wasn't that Jungkook was waiting on him, exactly. But the party was pretty small--his mom and dad had only invited family and then his members, who might as well be family--so Jungkook couldn't help but notice the whole time. But his mom had put out so much food that the table could barely hold it, and everyone was taking turns paying attention to Jungkook and cuddling him or ruffling his hair and making comments about how old and grown up he was now, so all in all he was pretty busy.

Still, Jungkook couldn’t help checking his phone to see if there had been any messages, and he kept checking twitter to see if Seokjin had uploaded any selcas, and maybe he asked Namjoon once or twice if he’d heard from him. So he was definitely aware as soon as Seokjin did arrive. He was sitting with Namjoon and Yoongi, listening to Yoongi share stories about the cute things Holly had done lately, but his mom's fond "Seokjin! Welcome!" immediately cut through all the background noise.

Jungkook turned his head just enough that he could see the front door.

"Go, go say hi to hyung," Yoongi said, cutting off his story mid-sentence.

Jungkook whipped his head back, ready to apologize for being rude, but Yoongi was already waving his hands to shoo Jungkook to go.

"You should have brought Heeyoung with you!" Jungkook's mom was saying as Jungkook approached.

Jungkook winced inwardly--he hadn't thought to tell her earlier--but Seokjin's smile didn't even flicker. Instead of correcting her assumption, Seokjin said, "Ahh, she was busy today, unfortunately." He tilted his head toward Jungkook. "Heeeeey, JK!"

Jungkook could feel a grin spreading across his face. He walked into Seokjin's open arms, picked him up and swung him around in a circle. Seokjin was honking laughing as Jungkook set him back down.

"Did you miss me that much?" Seokjin said, but he didn't wait for Jungkook's answer as he hooked his arm through his. Jungkook's mom had already turned back to one of the other guests, so Jungkook didn't feel any reservations about dragging Seokjin away with him, towards the food and the other guys.

“Yes,” Jungkook said confidently, and Seokjin laughed.

“Well I missed you too,” he said, stopping to brush Jungkook’s hair out of his eyes. There was something in his face that Jungkook couldn’t quite read as Seokjin looked at him, up and down, all over his face. “Look at you, you look so good.”

Jungkook wasn’t sure how to respond to that, but Taehyung and Jimin swooped in on Seokjin immediately with loud cries, so he let him go. It didn’t seem quite fair—it was Jungkook’s party, after all, and he didn’t want to give Jin up that fast. But that was selfish, wasn’t it? Immature. Jungkook would get plenty of time with him.

Hoseok was sitting in an armchair nearby, and when Jungkook came closer he widened his legs to make room for Jungkook to sit between them.

Taehyung and Jimin had Seokjin between them on the couch, both curled around him. Seokjin was getting out his phone, shaking his head but still smiling as he said, "I don't think you guys even care about me for me anymore, you only care about Eunmi's dad!"

"Of course we love you, hyung," Jimin said sweetly.

"Now show us more baby pictures," said Taehyung.

Jungkook settled back against Hoseok, quietly watching them.

Seokjin had always been the most handsome man Jungkook had ever seen, and that was still true, but he looked...older. He was older, Jungkook supposed, everyone was, but somehow Jungkook had only thought about it in terms of how much he himself would have grown, and not anybody else. Seokjin looked mature. His face had more smile lines and there was a little hint of gray in his hair, over by the temples. Jungkook had always joked with him about being an old man, but he thought maybe Seokjin looked even better like this than he had when Jungkook met him.

“Look, Taehyung-ah, this is the hat you sent her.” Seokjin tilted his phone so Taehyung could see. When he smiled like that, big and wide and beaming, it reminded Jungkook of watching him onstage. But there was something special about how happy Eunmi made him.

“You should have brought her, hyung,” Jungkook said, from the floor. “I haven’t met her yet.” He was trying not to feel put out about it; he’d been stationed far away from everyone and he’d risen through the ranks of the Marines fast enough that they just kept giving him more and more responsibilities that kept him away from home.

It had been hard for him to get away, and when he did he’d gone to see his family, rather than deal with tabloids and security and the press coverage that came with a Seoul visit. He, Jimin, and Taehyung had enlisted fairly close together so he hadn’t seen them much. Yoongi and Hoseok had made the effort to come out to Busan to see him a few times, and he and Namjoon tried and failed to connect several times, only finally meeting up once on the outskirts of Seoul.

He’d seen Seokjin a few times early on, and then it just kept not working out. Jungkook suspected, but wasn’t sure, that Seokjin didn’t want to burden Jungkook with his stress and worry over the divorce. They were still keeping it really quiet, not even Jungkook knew all the details, and they were trying to keep it out of the press as long as possible.

“Ah, she’s with her mom,” Seokjin said lightly, putting his phone away. “Ladies’ night.” He reached down and squeezed Jungkook’s shoulder. “You should get to meet her one on one for the first time anyway, these guys are too loud.”

“Hey!” Namjoon yelled, too loudly. “She smiled at me last time, remember?”

That set off another round of arguing over who the baby liked better, and who she’d smiled at, and who she’d puked on, (Yoongi once, Jimin twice) and more stories that made Jungkook feel weird. He wasn’t used to having missed so much of their lives. He knew the loudness was to distract Jin from thinking about Heeyoung, and Jungkook didn’t want to think about Heeyoung much either, so that worked for him.

He’d always liked her and she’d always been nice to him. Jungkook had sung a solo at Jin and Heeyoung’s wedding, just a few years ago, and now they were divorced. It was hard to imagine, but it was even harder to think about Seokjin married and being a dad.

It shouldn't be as hard as it was, maybe. They were all grown-ups now. It was just a matter of time before everybody ended up having families, right? Taehyung had been baby crazy for years, and Namjoon was getting pretty serious with his partner, from what Jungkook had gathered. And that was all fine, it was just…

Jungkook wasn't sure what it was.

It was just strange being away for so long, he decided. And it was strange to be away from the comforting routine of the military, which he’d enjoyed more than he thought he would. Some of the guys had found it restrictive, but it was less so than idol life, and he never had to worry about cameras or saying the wrong thing. If he hadn’t missed his family and the guys and performing so much, he wouldn’t have wanted to leave.

He just wished he could have had it all, the break from fame but not a break from his life. He wished he could have been here for Seokjin when he was going through his divorce, as much as he’d insisted it was “fine, just fine, don’t worry about hyung.”

Jungkook hated being brushed off like a kid. He was twenty eight now, not fifteen, and he’d been in a lot of relationships, some of them serious. Well. None of them were marriage and a kid serious.

A baby. He couldn’t believe it, even though he’d seen pictures. A video, even, from her 100th day celebration, that he’d watched a million times.

“Where’d my Jungkook go, hm?” Jimin said softly, rubbing the back of Jungkook’s neck. “Did we lose you for a minute?” He was sitting on the end of the couch. Everyone else was standing, crowded around Yoongi’s iPad, looking at something.

“I was just thinking,” Jungkook said, leaning into his touch. “Is Jin-hyung okay?” Jimin saw Seokjin more than anyone except maybe Yoongi, he would know.

“Mmmm,” Jimin said, thinking. “Yeah, he’s okay. Really, Kook, it was tough for a bit, but they’re good people. Good parents. It was just the fame thing, you know?”

Jungkook knew. The fame thing was a lot. People thought they could handle it, but Jungkook never blamed any of his past partners when they couldn’t. It was too much on a good day, and it was way too much when you weren’t even the famous person but you were on the front page of Naver anyway.

“I don’t blame her,” Jungkook said. “The fame thing is weird. It’s weird, right? I never think about it, but it is. I think I’m going to miss the military.” Jimin looked startled at that, but Jungkook rushed to reassure him, “Don’t worry, hyung, I missed you guys too much not to come back.”

Jimin didn’t say anything, just continued petting his head.

“I want to see that baby,” Jungkook sighed, letting his head fall back into Jimin’s hands. “She looks so cute.”

“She’s the cutest baby on the planet, it’s sickening,” Jimin agreed. “And hyung is so good with her, it’s adorable.”

“Who’s adorable?” Seokjin asked, sitting down next to Jimin. “JK? Yah, he’s not cute anymore, look at him.” He poked at the side of Jungkook’s face, smiling fondly. “Look at all those fine lines. You’re getting old, Jungkook-ah, just like hyung.”

"Hey," Jimin said, "Jungkook will always be cute. And I'm not getting old, so Jungkook can't be either."

"Jimin-ah, I have terrible news for you," Seokjin said, all faux-solemn until Jimin squawked in protest, and then bursting into a grin again.

There were a lot of fates worse than growing old like Seokjin, Jungkook thought. "We were actually talking about you, hyung," Jungkook said. "You're living proof you can still be adorable no matter how old you are."

"Ha!" said Seokjin, pleased. He patted Jungkook's cheek, soothing the places he had just poked at.

Jimin's hands were still supporting Jungkook's head, small and strong and reliable. Jungkook felt a little looser, less tense-- although he hadn't thought he was tense to begin with-- and he was tempted to just close his eyes and listen to Seokjin and Jimin talk above him.

He would have done it, if his mom hadn't chosen that moment to call him over. Instead, Jungkook pulled himself to his feet with a stretch and soft yawn.

Seokjin caught his sleeve as he was about to leave. "Hey, though, I meant it," he said. "Once you get settled back in Seoul, come over and I'll make some introductions, yeah? It’s important to me that you two get to know each other."

He gazed up at Jungkook. Even though his words and tone were still light, there was a seriousness to his expression that Jungkook wasn’t expecting. Just like the moment earlier, it was strange, but—gratifying. Jungkook had missed Seokjin so much. It was good to know Seokjin had missed him that much, too.

"Yeah," Jungkook said, "yeah, hyung."

Seokjin let go of his shirt and sat back against the couch and turned back to Jimin. Jungkook went to see what his mom needed.

What she needed involved reaching platters that were high up in one of the cabinets, so Namjoon came in to help as well. After they’d both carefully followed his mom’s instructions, Namjoon pulled him into a loose side hug. “Jungkook-ah,” he said fondly. “It’s so good to have you back. It’s never the same when it’s not all of us together.”

He looked a little tired, like he’d been stressed. “You okay, hyung?” he asked.

“Yeah, totally. It’s just busy now, with you back. And it’s been, you know. I did my own service, and there was the whole thing with Jin hyung.”

Jungkook knew he didn’t mean it like that, but he felt instantly defensive. Like Seokjin’s life was some kind of PR issue that had to be solved. Some of that must have showed on his face, because Namjoon held up his hands and said, “Not like that, come on, I love hyung and I love that baby. It was just. Something I wasn’t prepared for, and I don’t think I handled it well.”

The sounds of the party swirled around them as Namjoon braced his hands on the counter and dropped his head down between his arms, sighing. “It’s good that you’re back.” he said again. “He needs a friend. I don’t think I did a good job of that, during everything.”

Jungkook came up behind Namjoon and backhugged him. “I’m sure you did your best,” he said confidently. “You’re the best leader in the whole universe.”

“I’m your only leader,” Namjoon said wryly. “But thanks.”

As they went back into the other room, Jungkook had the thought that he’d missed them all so much, so intensely every day, that he hadn’t really thought about them missing him. That his hyungs would need him just as badly.

It was a complicated thought, and Jungkook put it aside as Seokjin pulled him in close, wrapping his arms around his waist and settling his head against Jungkook’s shoulder with a soft sigh. This was everything he needed and wanted, Jungkook realized. The feel of Seokjin in his arms, the conversation of his members and family droning on in the background, a full belly of food, and the gentle scent of Seokjin’s cologne drifting around him.

There was something else there, in the back of his head, but Jungkook didn’t want to reach for it. He was too content to be right here, right now, finally home where he belonged.

*******

Getting settled took a little longer than Jungkook had hoped. He moved his stuff into his pristine, empty apartment that he’d bought years ago. He’d stayed here for a little bit during the later years of BTS, but that time was just a blur of work, work work. When he’d had leave from the military he’d wanted to see his family and it seemed like too much of a bother to ask the housekeeping service to get the place ready for him to stay there just one night.

But he was home for good now, and he had a solo album to start work on, and the BTS reunion show that was happening in a few months. Between meetings at Big Hit and trying to make his place livable, he barely had time to breathe. It was a few weeks before he got the chance to see Seokjin outside of the Big Hit offices.

Seokjin's new apartment was in the same building as the one he'd lived in before, the one where Heeyoung still lived. Jungkook almost went to the old place by accident, just following his muscle memory, but he caught himself in time and continued up a few more floors.

Seokjin answered the door with the baby on his hip.

She was small and chubby, with big eyes and soft features. She didn't have a ton of hair, but what there was was gathered into a messy apple sprout atop her head. She had a pacifier in her mouth and she was gazing at Jungkook with an expression of the utmost suspicion.

Jungkook was in love. His heart physically hurt at the sight of her.

"Yeah," Seokjin said, smiling crookedly, "we get that a lot. Come on in."

Jungkook followed Seokjin into the living room. Seokjin set Eunmi down on a blanket in the middle of the floor, among various toys made of soft pastel fabrics or bright neon plastic, and then sat down on the couch.

"Are you hungry?" Seokjin asked. "There's japchae in the kitchen from lunch."

Jungkook shook his head.

Seokjin raised an eyebrow. "Really? Are you sure? Come on, Jungkook, you can't have changed that much."

"I'm okay, hyung," Jungkook reassured him.

He sat down on the floor, a few feet away from Eunmi. She looked over, shooting him a glare, but he stayed really still and after a moment she returned her attention back to her toy.

It wasn't like Jungkook had never been around a baby before. He couldn't remember ever feeling this sense of astonishment, though, this feeling of looking at her and seeing this tiny miniature human, her own person and also half of his Jin-hyung, all at once.

He scooted a little closer. Eunmi ignored him.

"She's cautious around new people," Seokjin said. "She'll warm up to you in a little bit."

"It's okay," Jungkook said. He had been a shy kid. He knew what it was like.

He thought about his thirteen year old self, worried and quiet and homesick in Seoul, and meeting Seokjin.

Jungkook let himself fall backward until he was lying down, staring up at Seokjin's upside down face. He was watching the baby, too, his face looking soft and distracted.

Look at me, Jungkook thought, but instead of any of the million goofy things he had done in the past to get Seokjin's attention, he said, "Actually, japchae sounds good."

“You good with the kiddo on your own?” Seokjin asked, standing up. Eunmi looked at him like she knew what he was saying, and Seokjin leaned faux-casually against the wall. “I am sure not leaving,” he said dramatically. “Whatever certain babies are thinking they’re wrong and Daddy is definitely not leaving them alone with a stranger.” He sighed, looking at the time on his bare wrist. “I have all day.”

Eunmi gave this performance the withering look of disgust it deserved, and Jungkook fell even more in love with her. “I’m fine,” he said. “We’re good.” He picked up the toy nearest to him, a stuffed duck with rubber feet that were meant to be chewed on. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Seokjin head into the kitchen.

“Ah,” Eunmi said, reaching for him.

“I’m sorry, is this yours?” Jungkook asked, formally and politely. “Allow me to return it, madam,” he said with a bow and flourish, presenting the duck.

She ignored the duck. “Ah, ah,” she said again, reaching out to grab at the platinum watch on his wrist. Her drool-covered hands smeared across the front. Jungkook winced. That was an expensive toy for an infant.

“Eunmi-yah, no,” he said as sternly as he could manage as she lunged forward to mouth at the shiny metal. She looked up at him and frowned, her lower lip wobbling. Jungkook knew from experience with his cousins that he had about three seconds before she exploded, so he started singing -- a jingle for washing machines that he’d heard incessantly for the last three months on base -- just to buy a few seconds of distraction.

It worked almost immediately. She crawled up on him frowning, then pressed one tiny hand to his mouth, looking confused. He swept her up in his arms and, when she didn’t protest, started walking around the room, bouncing her in his arms and humming softly. He had gone through two rounds of the washing machine commercial and half of Dimple when he realized that she was asleep, heavy and warm against his chest.

Something sweet and a little sad swelled in his chest. She was perfect, such a perfect little delicate thing, completely vulnerable against the world, and she trusted him enough to sleep on him. Jungkook put his head down and sniffed her hair, trying not to tear up. He cradled the back of her head and swayed back and forth, his eyes half closed, until Seokjin came back in and found them like that.

Jungkook raised his head, blinking away the sense of quiet warmth he'd been lulled into. Seokjin didn't say anything, though, standing still watching the two of them, gaze running from Eunmi's small head and then up to meet Jungkook's eyes.

He didn't have to say anything, Jungkook thought. He had known Seokjin long enough and well enough that he could read that expression. It just underscored the ache Jungkook already felt in his chest.

"You realize you're trapped now, right?" Seokjin said after a minute. "I haven't been able to get her to go down all day. I can't allow you to put her down or sit or make any loud noises."

"I don't mind," Jungkook said, raising his chin. He shifted his weight and hitched Eunmi up against his chest; a sleepy grumbly noise escaped her before her breath evened out again.

Seokjin grinned at him. "Say ah," he instructed, stepping forward and lifting up the bowl he'd brought in from the kitchen.

Obediently, Jungkook opened his mouth and let Seokjin feed him noodles, sweet and spicy and salty and exactly the sort of thing that was going to make Jungkook's face get all puffy. When Jungkook chewed and swallowed, he opened his mouth wide again so Seokjin could feed him more.

Delicious noodles in his mouth; soft lush carpet under his toes; sleeping baby in his arms, heavy and breathing moist and impossibly hot against his neck; Seokjin's pleased face in front of him. It occurred to Jungkook that he hadn't felt this satisfied in a while.

“Hyung,” he whispered, careful to keep his face angled away from the baby.

“Hmmm?” Seokjin said. His face was very close.

Jungkook’s heart felt so full, he wasn’t sure how to say everything he was thinking and feeling. “This is good,” he finally said. “The noodles are good.”

“Shhh,” Seokjin said, looking pleased. “Eat.”

When Jungkook left Seokjin’s apartment, he felt like an earthquake had broke something apart in his chest. Everything had resettled inside himself, all the parts that made him Jeon Jungkook were still there, just shuffled into a different configuration.

Just meeting Eunmi had shook him apart. How much had it changed his Jin hyung, becoming a father?

***********

He was out to lunch with Jimin at one of their favorite places, about halfway through their meal, when Jimin asked him if anything was wrong.

The question caught Jungkook off guard. Everything about their conversation had been pretty normal to this point, as far as Jungkook could tell. He chewed and swallowed his mouthful of meat and says, “What?”

Jimin was wearing his most concerned, caring look. “You just seem a little different since you got back. Are you okay?”

Jungkook was--baffled, first of all, but also struck with a quick stab of guilt for making one of his hyungs worry about him, even if he didn’t know he was doing it.

“Of course I’m okay!” he said, smiling at Jimin. “I’m JK!”

He waved his arms a little as a flourish. Jimin looked simultaneously annoyed and endeared.

“Jungkookie,” Jimin said.

“I mean it,” Jungkook said. “I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

Jimin looked at him in silence for a while, and then he reached out and took Jungkook’s hand. Jimin’s hand was little and warm and soft, and he tangled their fingers together. It felt almost like a hug—if they weren’t in public, Jungkook was sure it would be a hug. Jungkook wished suddenly that it was. Jimin had always given good hugs, full bodied and sincere and one of the most comforting things Jungkook knew.

He couldn’t think of any reason he needed to be comforted right now, but it still felt...good. Like something in him was slightly lighter.

“Do I really seem like something’s wrong?” Jungkook said, frowning.

“I don’t know,” Jimin said, with a small shrug. “Like I said, you just seem...different. Maybe you’re fine, but I don’t trust you to tell us if something was wrong, so I wanted to check in.”

Different was fair, probably. Jungkook’s life was the same as it had ever been, full and busy and fast, but that didn’t mean Jungkook was the same as he had been before. Maybe that was what Jimin was seeing, Jungkook relearning how his different pieces fit.

"I don't feel, like, sad," Jungkook said, struggling a little to figure out the right words. "I'm just...adjusting."

“Yeah,” Jimin agreed, and Jungkook knew that he understood, or most of it at least. Coming back was weird, weirder than he’d expected, in ways he couldn’t explain. But hanging out with Jimin was good. Beating Taehyung at games was great. Going shopping with Namjoon and Hoseok and having Yoongi come over to talk to him about his apartment, that was all great.

Maybe he needed a stricter routine. He just needed to get used to the rhythm again, the grind of work and fame and more work. He had been in the industry since he was just a kid, and he loved it, loved singing and dancing and performing, couldn't imagine doing anything else or making any other choices, but--

It was just weird, jumping back into it, after seeing the way other people lived their lives, when Jungkook had never had a real life like that at all. The other guys had gone through all that years ago, he thought, but Jungkook hadn't ever had the same points of comparison. But they had taken care of him, all the little points of normalcy they had insisted on as soon as Bangtan got popular enough that they had enough power to negotiate, down to encouraging him to change his hair or get his tattoos when he was afraid ARMY wouldn't approve.

Seokjin had gone off and gotten married, for God's sake, which seemed even braver to Jungkook in retrospect than it had at the time.

"I think it's just getting used to everything again," Jungkook said. "You don't have to worry, I promise."

"I'm gonna worry anyway," Jimin said. "Just, promise you'll talk to me if you need to, okay?"

“Yessss, hyuuuungggg,” Jungkook droned in his whiniest, most put-upon voice.

Jimin punched his arm. “God, I’d forgotten how annoying you are,” he said, full of affection. “Now finish your food.”

*********
Everyone was really busy all the time, but they still made time to see him. Yoongi just showed up at odd hours, bringing gifts of alcohol, or, once, with a big rolled-up rug that he thought would tie Jungkook’s living room together, whatever that meant. It was cute, seeing him struggle with it, and Jungkook was really touched that he’d thought of him. He let Yoongi boss him around for an entire afternoon in his apartment, making Jungkook move furniture and hang pictures that had been sitting untouched since he’d ordered them online.

Yoongi insisted on paying when they later ordered Chinese food and ate and drank until they were stuffed. “You’re doing okay,” Yoongi announced, pink from alcohol and exertion. “You look good. Don’t listen to Jimin.”

“I never listen to Jimin,” Jungkook replied automatically, and they smiled at each other. Yoongi was a comforting presence, and Jungkook was happy to see him. “Hey, did you see this video of Eunmi? I had her cracking up.”

“Let me see.” Yoongi held out his hand impatiently. Yoongi was less openly gushing about the baby than some of the other guys were, but Jungkook wasn’t fooled. Seokjin had sent him a video last week of Yoongi sitting on the couch with Eunmi, having a serious conversation, him talking in his low, raspy voice and her just babbling back to him. It went on for longer than Jungkook thought she’d have the attention span for, only broken by Seokjin’s barely repressed giggles in the background.

“She’s perfect,” Jungkook sighed, handing his phone over. “I love her. She’s like hyung, but better behaved.”

“Mmmm, don’t say that to him,” Yoongi said, putting the phone down and stretching. “He’s had a tough time, he feels like he’s let everyone down. And Namjoon has been a mess about it too, he thinks he wasn’t there for hyung enough, that he handled the situation badly.” He put his hand on the back of Jungkook’s neck, squeezing it briefly. “Everyone’s going to keep acting like it’s fine, but you should know.”

Jungkook’s heart hurt, thinking about it. He’d been so wrapped up in his service at the time that he hadn’t thought to pry more when Jimin had sent him updates. He wished he had. But he was glad Yoongi had told him now.

“Thanks, hyung,” he said, leaning over to rest his head on Yoongi’s shoulder. “For everything.”

“Any time, Jungkook-ah,” Yoongi said comfortably. “It’s good to have you back.”

*********

Jungkook was on the floor, reading a book to Eunmi about a family of frogs while she chewed on a rubbery teething toy, when he noticed Seokjin was staring at him. Usually when Jungkook was keeping Eunmi occupied, Seokjin took the time to get some chores done, or answered work emails, or got started on dinner for the night, but he was just sitting on the couch, staring.

“What?” Jungkook asked. Eunmi rolled away, grabbing her own feet in an effort to take her socks off.

“I went out with Yoongi the other day, we got sushi and had a few drinks.” Jungkook remembered, vaguely, hearing something about that. It wasn’t unusual, though. Jin and Yoongi hung out a lot, they always had. “And Yoongi said he’d talked to some people about you--”

Jungkook snorted. Yoongi loved knowing gossip and he was friends with pretty much every celebrity in Seoul. “What are they saying this time? Am I dating a much younger woman? Much older? A Western celeb? Was I caught smoking? Speeding? Picking my nose?”

“No, everyone was wondering where you were,” Seokjin said evenly. “You haven’t even been on Twitter or Weverse that much, considering you have a solo album coming out in six months.”

“I’ve never been that big on social media, you know that,” Jungkook said, but something stuck in his throat a little. He swallowed around it, staring intently at the frogs dancing in a circle on the cover of Eunmi’s book. She had freed her foot and was now trying to fit all her toes in her mouth.

“You haven’t hung out with your friends, you know I see Eunwoo all the time.”

Jungkook knew. They were both hosting that idol reality thing.

“Is this your way of saying you’re sick of me?” Jungkook asked, trying to keep his tone light. He blew a raspberry on the bottom on Eunmi’s foot to mask the fact that he was blinking away tears.

“You? Never.” Jin sighed, deep in his chest. “I just think you should be hanging out with your friends, not some old dad and his kid.”

What a weird thing to say. “Mingyu is getting back from his family vacation next week,” Jungkook said, distracted by the cute way Eunmi was concentrating on her other sock. “Has he met Eunmi? I bet he’d love her, oh my god, can I bring him over? To meet her?”

“Yeah, of course, just make sure he doesn’t try to take her home. But, JK--” Seokjin paused, looking down at his hands. He looked uncomfortable, and Jungkook wondered if he’d had a hard time adjusting too.

“What?”

“Nothing. I’m just glad you’re back.” He smiled crookedly. “It’s good to have you around again.”

Something was definitely up, they never talked to each other like that. Jungkook always felt so confused and inarticulate when he tried to explain what Seokjin meant to him that he rarely tried to put it in words. “Okay,” was all he could come out with.

“FYI, I time the baby’s meals so she poops when you’re here,” Seokjin said, deadpan. “I’m never changing a dirty diaper again as long as you’re around.”

“Oh I see how it is,” Jungkook snorted. He was glad the weirdness was gone. “But seriously, I’ve just missed my family and you guys. I’m hanging out with my parents, I stayed with Junghyun for a few days. Did you know he and his wife are having a baby?”

“No and your mom is going to kill you for telling me before she had the chance to, so I’ll pretend to be surprised.”

“Oh right, yeah, good call. But really hyung, I’m okay. I’m just trying to settle in and get adjusted. Hang out with my favorite people. I don’t really need to deal with hiding from fans and photographers just to get drunk with Eunwoo and the guys, you know? It’s a hassle.”

“Are you getting bothered?” Seokjin asked sharply, sitting forward. “They’re not coming to your house, are they--”

“No, hyung, it’s fine, just the usual. Nothing worse.” He barely noticed a lot of it anymore, but arranging an outing with his friends group was just tiring and he felt bad asking his manager and security to deal with it.

"Everyone keeps worrying about me," Jungkook said. "You don't have to. I'm okay." He could see Seokjin opening his mouth to say something else, but Jungkook beat him to it. "No, I mean it! I just...don't feel like spending a lot of time on stuff that's frustrating when I could be doing something that makes me happy."

Eunmi had pulled away from him while they talked, crawling over to the couch and Seokjin. She could pull herself up onto her feet now, using the couch, and stay standing like that for ages, though she still fell immediately onto her butt if she let go. Jungkook had only known her a few weeks and it seemed like she was already changing and learning so rapidly.

"There's nothing wrong with that," Seokjin said. "You've earned it, I think."

That made something in Jungkook feel shaky, too. Not in a bad way, just in the way that made him have to take a deep breath.

"Just...don't box yourself in, okay?" Eunmi stepped carefully over, transferring her grip from the edge of the cushion to cling to Seokjin's leg instead. Seokjin leaned over to pick her up as he said, "you've still got lots of room."

It didn't always feel that way, Jungkook had to admit. But he'd try to remember it.

*********

Jungkook didn’t really think of himself as an introspective person, but he had been doing a lot of thinking lately, after the conversations with Jimin and Seokjin.

He was out with his friends -- Mingyu was back, and the group chat organized a big dinner that was just an excuse to drink and eat meat, and then drink some more -- and they started talking about idol life and Dispatch, and almost getting caught on a date.

Jungkook couldn’t imagine wanting to date some stranger so badly that you risked getting caught. He’d done it before, but he didn’t want to do it anymore. And it was hard, because he was still famous overseas in a way his friends weren’t, and Western media were just as interested in if he was dating, just in a different way than back home. It was all stupid, and it got Jungkook thinking.

It was an interesting experience. There was some stuff there that Jungkook never thought about before, but now that he was looking, now that he was actively asking himself what he wants…

Well. For one thing, lately Jungkook kept thinking about kissing Seokjin.

It was weird. He had thought about it before, technically. Jungkook spent a lot of time in his mid to late teens thinking about kissing his hyungs. But that wasn't real-- it was a natural outlet for all his hormonal energy, and how much he loved all the members, and how they were the people he spent every waking minute around without a rest. That was just playing pretend in his own head, safe and private.

Then by the time Jungkook was an adult and he might have thought about real things--well, they were so busy and there was so much going on, all the time, and it was all so important. And then Seokjin was dating Heeyoung, and even in the safe pretend spot of Jungkook's mind he would have felt weird thinking about things.

But the last few weeks...it was like the idea crawled into Jungkook's brain and he couldn’t get it out. He could just do it. He could just go right up to Seokjin and kiss him. There was nothing stopping him. It was a real thing he could do.

Seokjin had been with guys before, Jungkook knew that. Seokjin had told him, back when Jungkook was a kid and first figured out he didn't only want to kiss girls--all the hyungs had reassured him, not giving him a chance to panic or worry about too much. It was years before Jungkook really fully thought about how badly it could have gone, how worse some of his idol friends had had it being closeted from their groups or paranoid about ruining things for them.

So even if he had never seen Seokjin with a guy, Jungkook knew that part wouldn't be an issue.

He could do it. He really could.

Maybe this was what Jimin had sensed. It wouldn’t be the first time one of the members had realized what was going on with Jungkook before he had.

More worrying, was this what Seokjin was getting at the other day? Did he know that Jungkook was thinking about kissing him? Jungkook knew that they’d be okay no matter what, that he was safe with Seokjin. But he wasn’t sure enough to talk about it yet.

********

When Jungkook wasn’t sure what to do with himself, he always went back to the gym. He’d started it as a way to tag along with Seokjin, then it turned into a way to compete with Seokjin, and then it was just something he did for himself.

One of the things Jungkook had always liked about working out was that it was a break, most of the time. It was a time when he could drop everything he's stressing over and obsessing about and simply...not think. Empty his head and just be completely, one hundred percent present in his body and the effort and the burn and everything physical.

Sometimes it didn't work like that, though. Sometimes his mind decided to take that time and chew things over, turn everything around and around until he worked out a problem. Like enough simmering away and suddenly it would pop out a solution.

It had been weeks and Jungkook hadn’t had that eureka moment about this yet, no matter how many push ups he did.

*********

Jungkook had an early recording session for some additional backing vocals on his solo project, early enough that he assumed none of the other guys would be awake or working at that hour. After recording, then running through the different tracks, then recording again, (and a few more times on this one stubborn run of notes) he was on his way out when he noticed the light on in Hoseok’s studio.

“Is Hobi hyung here?” he asked one of the staff. She was new and he hadn’t learned her name yet, which he felt bad about.

She nodded, looking flustered at being spoken to. Jungkook wanted to apologize, but he knew that would make it worse. “Yes, he got here just about a half an hour ago.”

“Thanks,” he said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name.” Jungkook shook his head. “There are so many new people, especially since I got back-- sorry.”

“Moon Hyebin.” She bowed, looking awed. Jungkook remembered when the staff not only knew him, but knew him as an annoying adolescent. They had been a bunch of aunties and uncles to him, scolding him with one breath and spoiling him with treats the next. And now he was someone they could barely talk to. Moon Hyebin, he realized with a start, was probably younger than him.

Jungkook shook it off and pushed open Hoseok’s door, not bothering to knock. “Hyung?”

Hoseok was there, beanie on his head, wearing track pants, glasses, and an oversized hoodie. He was in the middle of taking a swig of a huge yellow plastic water bottle with singing ladybugs on it, and choked a little when Jungkook came in and just flopped on the couch.

“Ah, Jungkook, you startled hyung,” Hobi said, smiling warmly at him. He held out his hand, presumably for a high five, but Jungkook used it to pull him closer on his rolling chair. “Were you recording this morning?”

"Yeah," Jungkook said. "I just finished." He stretched out a bit more, resting his head against Hoseok's giant Mang pillow. "I didn't think anyone else would be up this early."

Hoseok reached out, scratching his nails against Jungkook's head the way Jungkook always liked. He was close enough now that his knees were against the edge of the couch. Jungkook could smell the familiar, comforting scent of his cologne.

"I've been stuck on this part of this song," Hoseok said. "I was hoping coming in at a different time would maybe let me see it differently and have a breakthrough, but I don't know. Namjoonie might come over later and give me his thoughts." He grinned suddenly. "You know, if you paid attention to the group chat, you'd know lots of us are up early this morning."

"Really?" Jungkook said, distracted. Hoseok's couch was really comfortable. Jungkook wondered if he could fit in a short nap here; he didn't have any immediate obligations until his appointment with his trainer, and that wasn't for an hour and a half.

"Mm-hmm," Hoseok said. He grabbed his phone from his hoodie pocket and began scrolling through. "See, Jiminie's out in the middle of nowhere for his photoshoot, and the hyungs are fishing."

He showed Jungkook a picture of Yoongi and Seokjin wearing life vests and big hats, squinting into the sun. They looked incredibly goofy and incredibly endearing, and Jungkook couldn’t help but grin.

"Cute."

"That's what you miss when you ignore your hyungs," Hoseok said.

"I check it!" Jungkook insisted. "I just...hadn't yet today. I just posted last night, see?"

"Yeah, dropping your own content, not paying attention to us," Hoseok joked. Jungkook rolled his eyes, and Hoseok pinched his cheek. "I'm just kidding, Kookie. The video you posted last night was great. So cute I almost exploded."

It had been a short clip he'd filmed when he was over at Seokjin's last week. Jungkook had started making sure to bring his camera when he came over, especially when Eunmi was going to be there. Seokjin had been feeding the baby at her high chair, just some bland rice porridge and vegetables, but he'd narrated the whole thing like an episode of Eat Jin and treated Eunmi like a cohost. Jungkook hadn't edited out his own laughter.

"I didn't have anything to do with the cuteness," Jungkook said. "That was all Eunmi. And hyung."

"She's an angel," Hoseok said, which was definitely not true but which Jungkook nonetheless couldn't argue with. "Ahh, it must feel weird, Jungkookie. All these years and now you've been replaced as hyung's only baby."

A sudden hot sick wave of emotion rose up from Jungkook's belly and through his chest and up to his throat and before he could even think he snapped out, "I'm not a baby."

Hoseok looked startled, which was fair, probably. Jungkook wasn't used to that tone in his voice, either.

"I'm twenty eight years old, hyung," Jungkook said. He was trying to sound calmer, but he could tell he still sounded off. "I'm a grown man."

"I know you are, Jungkook," Hoseok said. "It was just a joke."

Jungkook knew that. It wasn't anything that hadn't been said a million times, and Jungkook had never reacted like this before. Hoseok wasn't trying to be mean. He couldn't have known it would hit a sore spot. Jungkook didn't even know it would.

Seokjin's baby. Jungkook had been thirteen and small and lost in this huge world, and Seokjin had been older, practically a grown up in Jungkook's eyes, and he'd taken care of Jungkook back then. Raised him on his back.

But that was half a lifetime ago. The difference between 13 year old Jungkook and 18 year old Seokjin wasn't the difference between 28 year old Jungkook and 33 year old Seokjin. It couldn't be.

At some point Jungkook had to catch up, right? And if not now--now that he finished his military service, now that he was back home--then when? Was he still a kid even now, compared to Seokjin with a marriage and a baby behind him?

Jungkook thought again about that same image that had been going through his head since he came back, of kissing Seokjin. It was almost like an ache all through him.

Jungkook took a deep breath. Hoseok was still gazing at him, looking confused.

"Sorry, hyung," Jungkook said. He sat upright and ran a hand through his hair. "I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"Did that really hurt your feelings?" Hoseok said. "I know you're not a baby, Jungkookie, I didn't mean--"

"No, no," Jungkook said. It was silly. He liked being babied by Hoseok, most of the time. Hoseok loved babying people, and he was good at it, too. It was a comforting eternal of Jungkook's life. It wasn't Hoseok's fault Jungkook was going through a lot of weird feelings. "Just tired, you know?"

Hoseok didn’t believe him, that much was clear, but Jungkook saw the second he decided to let it go. “Okay,” he said, giving him a cute little smile with his dimples, then turned around back to his desk.

But Jungkook realized there was something he wanted to ask. “Hyung,” he said, and was glad that Hoseok answered without turning around. It was easier to talk when he wasn’t being looked at.

“Hm?”

“Do you think-- does Jin hyung think he needs to take care of me? I know people have been worried, since I got back. I just. I don’t want him to think he needs to baby me.” The idea was repellent. He didn’t want that.

This time, Hoseok did turn around. “Are you kidding? Hyung loves you. He’d never say it, but he missed you so much while you were gone.”

“He’s the one who needs babying,” Jungkook insisted.

Hoseok barked out a laugh. “I know, right? He always has. Don’t worry, Jimin took over your Jin hyung babying duty while you were gone, and Yoongi was over there constantly when everything was going down. Don’t worry.”

Jungkook looked down at his hands, which were fidgeting with one of Hoseok’s toys. He hadn’t even realized he’d picked it up. “He gets lonely,” he said. “I don’t think I’m going to let him be lonely.”

“Hey, you never have, right? Raised him on your back since you came up from Busan.”

Jungkook smiled, and for the first time all day, it felt real. “That’s right,” he said softly. “Okay.”

******

For all the careful deliberation Jungkook had given the topic for the past few weeks, when he actually did kiss Seokjin, he didn’t even stop to think about it.

Seokjin’s apartment was still Jungkook’s favorite place to be, and since they straightened things out, Seokjin hadn’t made any more dumb suggestions that Jungkook shouldn’t hang out there so much. Sometimes Eunmi was there, and Jungkook could continue to indulge his adoration for her, but often it was just Jungkook and Seokjin.

Tonight it was just the two of them, Seokjin making dinner and the two of them watching a pretty terrible movie. Nothing special, nothing different, except for how when it was time for Jungkook to head home and Seokjin walks him to the door, Jungkook just...did it.

He couldn't explain it, really. There was nothing going on in his head, no deep thoughts, no pro and cons, nothing like that all. All it was was Jungkook looking at Seokjin, his handsome hyung standing there next to him waiting, and he heard: do it. Do it now.

So he did.

For a moment it felt the same as jumping out of a plane or going on an amusement park ride, that shot of thrilling adrenaline that Jungkook had always loved.

Jungkook could feel Seokjin's surprise, but it was only a few seconds before he relaxed again.

But… It was strange, because Seokjin wasn’t...

He didn't really kiss Jungkook back. But he didn't push him away either. He let Jungkook kiss him, and he squeezed Jungkook's shoulder, calm and even. The kiss was gentle and fond and by the time it ended Jungkook was kind of lost.

"Get home safe, okay?" Seokjin said, smiling at Jungkook like nothing had happened. Like everything was the same.

Jungkook could only blink at him. "Yeah, hyung, I will."

It niggled at him the entire way home, that sense of being off-kilter. It wasn’t until he was back at his apartment, slumped down on his own couch and staring at his walls, that he could even put it into words at all, even in his own head.

The way it had gone, like a casual, easy thing -- that hadn’t been what Jungkook had meant by that kiss. Not at all.

He hadn't meant it as just-- just something that could happen everyday. Something that Seokjin react to like that, as if nothing was different. As is it was just the sort of thing Jungkook would do, and Seokjin would accept.

The kiss was something important, and that's the part that bothers Jungkook, because Seokjin should have known that. Because Seokjin's always known what was important.

The whole thing was still eating at Jungkook when he went to bed. It was still there, sitting at the back of his head, when he woke up the next morning and met with the visual production team about the concept pictures for his album. It bothered him through the whole meeting about why his hair wasn’t growing out faster from his military cut, which didn’t seem like something that needed to be an hour long meeting to Jungkook. So, he spent it thinking.

His next revelation hit during lunch, halfway through a mouthful of rice. Seokjin always knew what was important, Jungkook knew that, he'd swear his life to it, and that meant…

Seokjin knew it was important, and he deflected it. And that wasn’t okay.

They had to talk about it. Jungkook wasn’t going to let it just slip away like it never happened. Even if Seokjin didn’t, wasn’t, wouldn’t ever-- they still needed to talk about it.

He went through his mental calendar quickly and after a moment, he texted Seokjin. Hey hyung, can I come over Friday evening?

Seokjin's reply came back a few minutes later. of course, it says simply, just like Jungkook knew it would.

Friday night was a few days away, but that gave Jungkook time to figure out exactly what he wanted to say.

*****

Jungkook had an entire speech put together in his head-- he had been practicing it most of the week--but it disappeared as soon as Seokjin answered the door.

"Eunmi, look who it is," Seokjin said in a coaxing voice, as he let Jungkook in. Eunmi had her head buried in the crook between Seokjin's neck and shoulder as he held her. "Not very polite. Don't you want to greet our guest?"

"Hi baby," Jungkook said. "I missed you, did you miss me?"

Eunmi giggled, her little goofy heh-heh-heh noise that always sounded fake, but she still didn't change her position.

Jungkook circled around Seokjin carefully, but everytime he approached an angle where he might see her face, Eunmi would turn her head again and hide against Seokjin.

"Where could she be?" Jungkook wondered aloud. "Where is Eunmi?"

"A mystery for the ages," Seokjin said.

"Where is she?" Jungkook repeated.

Finally satisfied with the build up of suspense, Eunmi raised her head and smiled directly at Jungkook.

"There she is!" Jungkook clapped. "There's the best baby!"

"What a relief," Seokjin said. His voice sounded off, Jungkook noticed, and then felt bad he hadn't noticed immediately. He sounded rough, and now that Jungkook was paying attention, he looked a little rough, too.

"Hyung, you're sick."

“I’m fine, I just have a bit of a cold,” Seokjin said. Jungkook had years of practice in assessing the members’ physical conditions (because they all always said they were fine, even when they weren’t) and he did so without a second thought. Seokjin wasn’t fine, he was pretty miserable, but yeah, it looked like just a cold. No glassy eyed fever or deep cough, just the general misery of a head cold.

“Go to bed,” Jungkook said, sweeping in to grab Eunmi, who giggled and screeched as he lifted her in the air. “I’ll hang out with the kiddo. Or should I bring her downstairs to noona?”

Seokjin shook his head. “Heeyoung is at her friend’s birthday dinner tonight, they’re having a whole big thing, I don't want to mess it up and call her back here.” He looked quietly stubborn. “I can handle it.”

“Okay, but you don’t have to.” The best way to fight Seokjin’s stubbornness was with his own, so he just went into the kitchen, bouncing Eunmi on his hip. “You got stuff to feed her? Diapers?” He wasn’t sure exactly what babies needed, but that was why Naver existed.

“I can handle it, you’re overreacting, it’s a little cold and I don’t need a babysitter--” Jin said, following him into the kitchen.

“I’m not a babysitter,” Jungkook snapped. “Sorry. Sorry, hyung, I’m just-- let me help. Please. I’m not just a babysitter and you’re not alone anymore, so go take a nap and I’ll wake you up if I need anything, okay?”

Seokjin stared at him, looking like he was going to argue some more, then sneezed loudly. “Okay, fine,” he sighed. He brushed his fingertip along Eunmi’s cheek, making her smile. Jungkook’s heart squeezed. He loved them so much. “Just a short nap. She’s probably going to get hungry soon, there’s a little soft tofu stew for her in the fridge, it has her name on it. After that you can get her pajamas on and give her a bottle and put her down.”

Seokjin turned away and sneezed three more times. “Go to bed, hyung,” Jungkook insisted. “Before you get both of us sick.”

That seemed to do it, because Seokjin sighed, went over to the counter and downed a handful of vitamins, then blew Eunmi a dramatic hand kiss. To Jungkook’s delight, she did it back with a loud smacking sound and a drooly, wet giggle.

“You hungry, baby?” Jungkook asked, dancing her around the kitchen. She laughed and pointed at his face. “Yeah, yeah I’m funny looking, I get it.” He connected his phone to Seokjin’s kitchen speaker and played some music -- BTS songs, which he assumed she was familiar with -- and sang along while he got her dinner together.

She was in a charming mood tonight, flirting and laughing with Jungkook as she carefully mashed tofu all over her face and highchair tray, pretty much everywhere but her mouth. A quick Naver check assured Jungkook that she wasn’t going to starve if she didn’t eat enough tonight, but he tried to get as much as he could in her mouth.

He checked on Seokjin once, quickly and quietly so as not to wake him up, but he was totally out, snoring slightly through a stuffed up nose.

After giving Eunmi a bath and getting her to bed, Jungkook came back out to clean the kitchen and bathroom from the mess they’d made. It had been a long day; he’d had a long workout this morning, followed by some recording and a dance practice for his upcoming single. During all that he’d been thinking about what he was going to say to Seokjin, and imagining all the different ways it could play out. He was physically and mentally pretty worn out.

Jungkook looked at Eunmi’s room, then over at Seokjin’s. If she woke up, he didn’t want Seokjin to have to wake up to get her. He grabbed some extra blankets from the storage unit in the hall, settled in on the couch, and got comfortable. Jungkook had told himself he wasn’t leaving until they’d talked it out, and he meant it. It was just taking a little longer than he’d thought, that’s all.

He tried to run through his speech one more time, but he fell asleep before he had the chance to finish it.

********

Knocking. Loud knocking. Jungkook had barely registered the sound before his body was up and stumbling toward the door on instinct, his brain still half asleep. Jin was nowhere to be found and a brief look at his watch told him it was only 7am.

Jungkook opened the door to a slightly frantic-looking Heeyoung. She was wearing old sweatpants and a black t-shirt, with her prescription glasses on and her hair pulled up in a ponytail. She also looked very surprised to see him. “Jungkook?” she asked cautiously. “Is everything okay? I tried to call Seokjin last night and I didn’t get an answer, and then I texted, and I fell asleep because I was out late--” she was looking more and more anxious, and Jungkook realized what had happened.

“Oh! Oh, hyung’s sick and he probably didn’t charge his phone. But it’s okay, I stayed and took care of the baby. We’re like besties now. She’s awesome.”

Heeyoung sagged against the door in relief and Jungkook felt bad. “Sorry, noona, I didn’t um. I didn’t know if your phone was the same, and hyung was so insistent that he could handle it and he didn’t want to bother you.” He opened the door wider and gestured for her to come in. “Eunmi is still sleeping.”

“Still?” She asked, her tone light and a little teasing, now that her worry was gone. “You must have the magic touch.” Jungkook grabbed the blankets off the couch as she sat down and started folding them carefully. “But thank you, I’m sure he was a stubborn ass about it.”

“Uh. Yeah, definitely, I had to pretty much make him go to bed. It was supposed to be a nap, but he probably really needed the rest.”

“Well, I’m glad you were here. He would have just pushed through and made himself quietly miserable, I’m sure.” She tucked her feet sideways on the couch, looking completely at home. Of course she did, this was her ex-husband’s place. She’d helped him pick it out. Her daughter was here half the time and they parented her together. This was all stuff Jungkook knew, but it felt so real with her sitting there.

“It feels like it’s been forever,” she was saying, and Jungkook snapped back to attention.

"No, you're right, it's been years." The blankets were a neat pile on the coffee table by now, so Jungkook's hands were empty. He moved one of Eunmi's books off the nearest chair so he could sit, too. "Are you doing well? Are you still working at the museum?"

"Only part-time since Eunmi," Heeyoung said, "but yes, I'm still there." She smiled. That was one of the things Jungkook had always associated with her, how much she loved her work. She and Jin had both been in college when they started dating, but she had gotten a great job right after graduation, and Jungkook could remember how proud Seokjin was. She and Namjoon and Taehyung used to get in long, involved conversations about art that Jungkook never quite understood, and Seokjin would watch them fondly until he noticed someone paying attention to him and started to fake grumble about being overshadowed.

"What about you? How's the solo album coming along?"

"It's going well," Jungkook said. "I think it's going to be great."

"I'm sure it will be," Heeyoung said.

It was odd, making small talk like this with Seokjin's ex-wife. Because that's how Jungkook had been thinking about her, really, since he heard the news. He thought about Seokjin and his divorce, and Heeyoung just as a person who had been part of a piece of Seokjin's life that was over.

She had been part of all of their lives, though. She and Jin had been together for a long time. She was around before everything got big, big really big.

Jungkook hadn't asked Seokjin a single question about her, because he didn't want to bring up the divorce, but maybe he should have. He was glad she was doing well.

A faint wail cut through the air from the direction of the bedrooms, and then stopped. Jungkook's hands twitched against his thighs, but Heeyoung was up on her feet before the cry returned, louder and more full throated this time.

Even above that, though, they could both hear Seokjin's door open and his voice calling out. "It's okay, you're fine, Daddy's coming--"

His voice faded a little, so Jungkook could still tell he was talking but couldn't make out the words.

"Sleeping beauty's awake," Heeyoung said, sitting back down. Jungkook wasn't sure if she meant Eunmi or Seokjin.

The baby's cries continued with a few short pauses -- getting more breath, maybe, or maybe Seokjin was succeeding in distracting her briefly. After a minute, Seokjin appeared in the doorway to the hall, Eunmi in his arms.

"I know," Seokjin said, sounding sleepy but infinitely patient, "I know, mornings are hard for everyone."

The cute pajamas she had patiently let Jungkook dress her in last night were gone; she must have fought Seokjin against doing anything more than changing her wet diaper.

As soon as she saw Heeyoung, her expression went from unhappy to miserable, and her wails took on a new passion. She squirmed in Seokjin's arms, trying to throw herself toward her mother.

Heeyoung stood up again, and came over to take Eunmi from his arms. From somewhere--Jungkook had no idea where it could have been--she produced a pacifier and stuck in Eunmi's mouth and started to rock her.

"What are you doing here?" Seokjin said, rubbing his eyes. "I thought we were going to let you sleep in this morning, didn't you have a long night?"

“I did, but I couldn’t get in touch with you and I kind of panicked,” Heeyoung said, nuzzling her face into Eunmi’s cheek. “I assume your phone is dead somewhere in your room?”

Seokjin grimaced and patted himself like he was looking for his phone. He was still half asleep and very cute. “Oh right,” he mumbled. “I kind of passed out. Sorry. I won’t do it again.” He sounded better, like the long rest had done him good.

She ignored him and looked at Jungkook. “My phone is still the same, by the way. So if you’re here with the baby and need to update me, don’t hesitate. And Jungkook--” she smiled warmly at him. “It’s so good to see you. Just keep in touch, okay? Come up and say hi when you’re here visiting Jinnie.”

Jungkook couldn’t imagine himself doing that, but he nodded anyway.

Heeyoung waved to him with one hand and made Eunmi wave to him with the other, then turned to Seokjin and said, “Get some rest, okay? We’ll see you in a few days,” and then she was out the door.

“Sorry,” Seokjin said again, after she left. “I should have charged my phone, I was just really tired. Was it awkward? I feel like it’s awkward.”

Jungkook wasn’t sure what to say. It was a little awkward, but that’s not what he wanted to talk about right now. Or maybe it was. “Do you still love her?” he asked, then was immediately horrified at himself.

“Jesus, Kook, let me get coffee first.” Seokjin turned and practically fled into the kitchen. Jungkook followed him. He wasn’t going to escape that easily, now that Jungkook had started it. He was on a path now, and he was going to see it through to the end.

Seokjin was rummaging through the cabinet for a mug when Jungkook came in behind him and blocked the door, just in case. “Hyung,” Jungkook said, and he could see Seokjin’s shoulders go limp as he sighed.

“Do I still love Heeyoung? Yes,” Seokjin said, not turning around. Jungkook’s stomach turned to ice. Well. That was understandable, then.

Seokjin continued, “but I’m not in love with her. I don’t wish we were still married. We never really--” he stopped and sighed again. “We were together for so long, seeing each other for a day here, a weekend there, whenever I wasn’t working. We had to hide everything, all the time. And then we got married and had to keep that a secret, and Eunmi happened so fast,we just never. We never really had the chance to be together. And when we were, we realized we were such different people. And she hated being public worse than hiding everything, which she didn’t realize would happen.”

Jungkook winced. He knew she’d gone through a lot, when the news came out. It wasn't fair, not for her or for Jin, not for anybody.

"Sometimes things don't work out, even when you work as hard as you can," Seokjin said slowly. "It's a good lesson to learn. And we figured it out in time that we could still stay friends. She's Eunmi's mom. She's always going to be part of my life."

Jungkook raised his hand, reaching toward Seokjin's shoulder. But before he got there, Seokjin was turning around, leaning back against the counter as he folded his arms across his chest.

"You look like you have more questions."

"I do," Jungkook said. "Hyung, the other day. I kissed you."

Seokjin blinked. "You're not pulling any punches, are you?"

Jungkook didn't respond, just chewed his lip as he watched Seokjin and waited.

"That's not a question," Seokjin said.

"Hyung--"

"I know, I know."

"I kissed you," Jungkook said with dogged determination, "and I meant it, and you… I meant it, hyung. You didn't even react."

"You took me a little by surprise," Seokjin said. There was the tiniest flicker of a smile in the corner of his mouth, gone almost instantly. Jungkook wasn't sure if it made him angry or happy to see it. "I didn't really have time to think about what I was going to do."

"You've had time to think about it since then."

"Yeah," Seokjin said. He looked like he was going to say something more, but after a few seconds it was clear that nothing else was following.

Jungkook went through the words he had practiced in his head, all the points he had tried to draft so carefully. He said slowly, "I kissed you, and I meant it, and-- and maybe I shouldn't have surprised you like that, you're right, but. And it's fine if you don't feel the same, but you could at least take me seriously. Not just...humor me. Like I'm a kid roughhousing at an awards show and you're trying to wind me back down."

Seokjin's face went blank as Jungkook talked. His handsome mask, Jungkook thought, though he didn't think Seokjin was doing it on purpose. It probably just came automatically. It was a strange contrast with his fluffy bedhead and his neat pajamas.

"Jungkook," Seokjin said, gazing back at him. "You think I don't take you seriously?"

"I don't know," Jungkook said. He had thought Seokjin did. More than almost anybody. That was one of the reasons this whole thing sucked.

"Like I said before, you surprised me." Seokjin blew out a frustrated puff of air. "I panicked, and that was the first thing that came to mind. De-escalating. I wasn't ready to do anything else."

It made sense, in a way, but it was still frustrating.

"I take you seriously," Seokjin said, very softly.

Jungkook swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. "You know I'm not a kid anymore. I haven't been for a long time--"

"Of course I know that," Seokjin said, sounding almost offended, but Jungkook plowed on.

"And I think-- I know you have this real life and all these important adult experiences that I don't, but I think that. I'm here now, too, right? And that's something." God, this was hard, even harder than he thought it would be.

"Adult experiences." Seokjin snorted. "You're in the prime of your life and have the whole world in front of you, I think you're okay skipping being the old age and failed marriage and letting people down."

Jungkook didn't think about it, just instinctively pushed himself forward across the kitchen to punch Seokjin lightly in the arm. "Hey! Don't talk about my Jin hyung that way!"

Seokjin blinked at him in surprise, then raised a hand to rub at the spot Jungkook had hit. "Ow, too hard, you shouldn't be mean to me while I'm sick."

"You're not sick anymore," Jungkook said firmly. He was standing next to Seokjin now, and he felt better this way, like being physically close was a trigger to his subconscious brain that things were right and safe and familiar. He felt calmer.

He pulled Seokjin in for a tight hug. “You didn’t let anyone down,” he said firmly. “You get to have a life, hyung, you can’t give everything up. You have to have things that are just for you. It’s important.”

Looking down, Seokjin rubbed Jungkook’s arm, which was almost completely covered in black ink. He’d had his second full sleeve done by the time he was done with his first year in the military. He’d stopped apologizing for it a long time ago.

“I made it harder for everyone,” Seokjin said quietly. “The fans, the members, the company. Namjoon.”

“Namjoon hyung feels like he let you down, so clearly you guys need to talk. Jeez, you’ve been a mess while I was gone, huh?” Jungkook tried to keep his tone light, teasing. He hoped Seokjin was ready to joke a little.

“When did you get so smart, huh,” Seokjin said, closing his eyes and resting his head on Jungkook’s shoulder. He didn’t say anything so Jungkook just stood there, holding him. Finally, after a minute of them breathing together, Seokjin spoke up. “If we’re going to do this, I need to take it really slow. A lot has happened, I don’t know where my head is at. But I’m not saying no, okay?”

“Of course, hyung,” Jungkook said, hugging him tighter. “You’re just. You’re my favorite person. It was in a different way when I was younger, and now we’re all grown up and you’re still my favorite person in the world. I just like being with you more than anyone else. And you’re handsome and I want to kiss you. That’s pretty much it.”

“You’re my best friend,” Seokjin said quietly. “And I suppose you’re handsome too.”

“Elle Korea says I’m Asia’s most eligible bachelor,” Jungkook said, deadpan.

"You're a catch," Seokjin agreed, and Jungkook might not be able to see his face, but he would swear he could hear Seokjin's smile, picture it perfectly.

They stood like that, just hugging, for a while longer. Eventually, Seokjin drew back with a sigh, and Jungkook reluctantly released him.

It felt a little anticlimactic to sit at the table and check his phone while Seokjin bustled in the kitchen with his coffee and breakfast. But it felt good, too, the return of something so normal and easy after all the tension that Jungkook had been carrying.

Seokjin had made enough for Jungkook, too, and Jungkook ate it happily. He was still working through it when Seokjin went off to shower, taking bites between reading his emails and texts, and he had only just finished when Seokjin re-appeared, looking clean and fresh and cozy.

Jungkook beamed up at him as Seokjin approached.

"Jungkook-ah," Seokjin said. His hand was on Jungkook's shoulder and Jungkook had a brief shock of realization just as Seokjin leaned down to kiss him.

It was nice. Nice sounded like too little when Jungkook's heart was in his throat and he felt so overwhelmed, but it was, it was so nice. Slow and sweet and tender. Seokjin's lips were so soft. He moved his hand to gently cup the back of Jungkook's head, and Jungkook let himself be kissed.

Seokjin broke the kiss, but he didn't move far away. He was still so close. He and Jungkook gazed at each other silently. Seokjin was smiling slightly and his eyes looked bright and Jungkook thought maybe he could be happy just being in this one moment for a long long time--

But then the spell broke as Seokjin jerked his head to the side and sneezed, loudly and rapidly, three times into his elbow.

Jungkook laughed.

Seokjin gave him a look, eyebrows raised in indignation, which just made Jungkook laugh more. When Seokjin started to pull back, Jungkook grabbed him around the waist.

"No more kisses for you until you learn some manners," Seokjin said, but Jungkook could tell he didn't mean it.

“Hyung, I’m almost thirty, if it hasn’t happened yet, it’s not happening.” He leaned over and kissed Seokjin on the cheek, wet and messy and obnoxious, while Seokjin squawked in his arms. He let him go when Seokjin started sneezing again.

“Ugh,” Seokjin grumbled. “What a pain in the ass. And I’m recording tomorrow.”

“Gotta rest your voice, hyung. I’ll make you tea.” They both knew the drill from years of practice; Jungkook made him the special throat tea and gave him vitamins and only talked via text and then, eventually, just emojis and memes.

For once, Jungkook had a full day off, nowhere else he needed to be besides right here. They spent the afternoon mostly in silence, playing games for hours until it started getting dark. There was no more kissing, but Jungkook caught Seokjin staring at him from time to time, his face soft and relaxed. It was perfect, it was everything Jungkook wanted. He didn’t need more kisses -- okay, eventually he wanted more -- but they were on the same page, on the same team, and that was the most important thing.

The fridge was full of food so Jungkook made chicken ginger soup for both of them. Seokjin seemed a lot better by then, after chugging liquids and staying quiet all day, so Jungkook felt okay asking him, "Can I stay here tonight?"

"Of course," Seokjin said, though a second later he narrowed his eyes and points at Jungkook. "No hanky panky, though."

A burst of laughter escaped Jungkook. "Hanky panky? Hyung, what does that even mean?"

"You know exactly what it means," Seokjin said.

"I've slept in your bed a million times before," Jungkook pointed out. There were years in the dorms when he slept in the other members' bed or at least their rooms more often than his own. Even now, it still felt weird sometimes, being in his own bed every night--just one of the many reasons living alone in his own place still felt confusing, less of a home than just the place where he keeps his stuff.

"It's different," Seokjin said. The teasing is mostly gone from his voice, and it wasfair, because Jungkook knew it was different.

It was different when they're in Seokjin's bedroom, changing into pajamas, and just the sight of Seokjin pulling off his shirt made Jungkook feel warm and look away.

If he had slept in Seokjjn's bed a million times, then he had seen him shirtless, or more, a trillion times. It meant absolutely nothing, except that all Jungkook could think about now washow much he wants. More than he's ready for, enough that he was scared and excited at the same time.

When they got into bed, different turned into weird. It was awkward, for a second, in a way that they had never been awkward with each other before. They just lay still for a minute, stiff and unsure next to each other. It felt like he was breathing weird or something, his too-fast breaths echoing loudly in the room. Jungkook could feel how much muscle he put on in the Marines now that he had Seokjin next to him for scale; he was taking up so much more of the bed now.

Seokjin realized too, because he leaned over and pinched Jungkook’s side. “Yah, when did you get so big,” he grumbled, breaking the moment. He had the fake angry look on his face that meant he was embarrassed or nervous, and Jungkook felt completely swamped with affection for him. He pinched Jungkook again, tickling him, and Jungkook giggled.

Deciding to take advantage of the moment, Jungkook rolled over and wrapped his arms around Seokjin, pulling him close. Seokjin always liked to feel small, and now Jungkook could really give him that, holding him tight against his chest. “What am I going to do with you,” Seokjin sighed , but gave in to it.

“What am I going to do with you, hyung,” Jungkook responded. It was nice, being like this, close to the person he had loved the most and the best for longer than anyone but his family. His Jin-hyung. What was he even going to do with him.

"Hyung," Jungkook said, carefully poking his bare toes against the silky soft fabric covering Seokjin's calf. "Does hanky panky include kissing?"

“Oh my god,” Seokjin said, muffled against Jungkook’s shoulder. “Maybe? Maybe not.”

Jungkook wasn't going to push. Seokjin had said slow, and Jungkook was good with whatever that meant. There was stuff Jungkook didn't think he was ready for yet, either, and he appreciated Seokjin setting the boundaries of how physical they were. They would get there eventually, Jungkook thought, and it would be just as exciting and good as everything else when they did. But there was no hurry.

Seokjin tilted his head and kissed Jungkook carefully at the crook of his neck. Jungkook shivered. His grip tightened on the cloth of Seokjin's pajamas.

"Okay," Jungkook said breathlessly. He shifted his position, moving his head until he could find Seokjin's mouth with his own. Jungkook didn't feel clumsy very often, but he felt it now and he didn't care.

It was different kissing like this. Lying down, clinging to each other. It was messier, and more intense. It was slow and quiet and everything felt very far away, like they were underwater somewhere, or behind glass. Just the two of them.

Seokjin's fingertips were under the hem of Jungkook's shirt, bright delicate points of pressure against the bare skin of his back. That was good, that felt nice, skin against skin.

Jungkook followed his lead, slipping his own hand under Seokjin's top. At first he pressed his palm to the curve of Seokjin's waist, just holding him still, but it was difficult not to keep moving. Jungkook stroked his hand across Seokjin's stomach, feeling the muscles jump and twitch slightly under his touch.

"Ah," Seokjin said. His voice was deep and there was a catch in his breath and Jungkook felt, suddenly, so overcome with happiness that he had to stop for a moment, just close his eyes and rest his forehead against Seokjin's and let it shake through him.

"Hey. You okay?" Seokjin said. His hand was gone from Jungkook's back, and Jungkook missed it for a split second before he realized Seokjin was grabbing Jungkook's hand, lacing their fingers together.

"Yeah," Jungkook said, and maybe he had said this a million times since he had come back, but he didn't think he had ever meant more than right now. "I'm okay."

He kissed Seokjin again.

*****

“Taehyung got home yesterday,” Seokjin said, looking at his phone. Jungkook thought he’d seen something about that in the group chat but he’d just skimmed it. He knew Taehyung had been shooting in Europe somewhere, but neither he or Taehyung were really that great about keeping up on communicating when they weren’t in the same city. It didn’t matter, they could fall right back into their friendship without missing a beat no matter how much time they spent apart.

Seokjin made a noise and Jungkook looked up from where he was wrestling Eunmi into a pair of loose, pale blue linen overalls. They had embroidered flowers around the neck and she had a shirt with bunnies on the lapels to match. Jungkook had picked them out himself and she was going to be so damn cute if he could ever get her into them. “What?”

“Well, apparently he’s on his way over. He has been, I quote, ‘deprived of his princess too long’. And he’s bringing Tannie.”

"That sounds like him," Jungkook said. Taehyung was good at inviting himself places. It always worked out for him, because everyone always wanted him around. Seokjin already had that look on his face, the endeared and charmed breaking through everything else.

"You hear that, Eunmi?" Jungkook said. "You have an admirer coming over, don't you want to look nice for him?"

"Ba ba ba," Eunmi replied emphatically, and then she wiggled in Jungkook's grip so wildly that she managed to twist all the way onto her belly before Jungkook got ahold of her again. Jungkook still didn't understand how babies could be so slippery.

He was still working on wrangling her into the outfit when Taehyung arrived in a flurry of greetings and hugs and way too many boxes.

Eunmi shrieked extremely loudly when Taehyung removed Yeontan from his shoulder bag and let him loose on the ground. Jungkook was an expert on Eunmi's shrieks by now; this wasn't an "I'm tired but I refuse to go to sleep" shriek or a "my gums hurt" shriek or even a "I'm bored and I'm a baby so I have few ways to entertain myself" shriek. This was a happy shriek.

“Gentle,” Jungkook warned. “Be gentle with the puppy, Eunmi-yah.”

Yeontan trotted over to Jungkook, happily wagging his tail, then skittered backward when Eunmi let out another joyous screech.

Her momentary fascination allowed Jungkook to dress her quickly. He was starting to get good at this.

She rolled into her stomach as Jungkook let her go, immediately rising to her knees and beginning a determined crawl towards Yeontan. Yeontan waited until she was close, almost close enough to touch him, and then ran a few feet away and stopped again. Eunmi was surprisingly speedy when she crawled, but Yeontan was still faster.

Taehyung and Seokjin were still hugging; Taehyung was whispering something in Seokjin's ear that made him laugh and smack Taehyung's shoulder before letting go.

"My turn," Jungkook said, arms open.

Taehyung came in and gave him a quick, tight embrace, before taking a step back to give Jungkook a piercing gaze. Jungkook made a goofy face at him, and after a moment Taehyung swooped back in to give him a messy kiss on first one cheek and then the other.

"You look happy, Jungkookie," Taehyung said, patting his shoulder.

"That's because I am happy," Jungkook said.

Taehyung grinned. "Jin-hyung seems happy too."

"Ahh, come on," Seokjin said behind them, a slight whine in his voice.

Yeontan bounded up to their ankles, Eunmi still determinedly following behind him.

"There's my girl," Taehyung said, beaming. He scooped Eunmi up. "Look at your little wrists! Eunmi-yah, I'm gonna eat you right up." He rubbed his nose against hers and Eunmi giggled.

Jungkook picked up Yeontan and moved closer to Seokjin. He knocked his shoulder against Seokjin's, and Seokjin did it back.

An idea occurred to Jungkook. "Hyung, do you have your phone? We should take a picture."

"I can take it," Taehyung said. He had Eunmi in one arm, playing with the buttons and flaps and fringe on his shirt, and with the other he reached into his pocket.

"One, two, three," Taehyung said. He took a couple of shots and then handed the phone over to both of them to inspect.

"This one's really good," Jungkook said. Seokjin looked incredibly handsome. Jungkook was smiling so all his teeth were showing. Yeontan was looking between them.

"Hyung, do you mind if I post this?"

"Sure," Seokjin said.

Jungkook texted the picture to himself. He would post it on weverse later, he decided. It didn't need much of a caption. Just With Jin-hyung, and maybe a smile emoji. That said it all.

Jungkook set Yeontan back down. He wrapped his arm around Seokjin's waist, and Seokjin leaned in against him. They watched the baby roll around on the floor with Taehyung and Tanie, thoroughly spoiled and beloved.

It was a good feeling, Jungkook thought, a little smug and a little awed, to feel like you were exactly where you should be.