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1
Athena’s settled between his knees, kneeling in front of him while he sits on the couch. She holds his face in her hands, her voice soft, “Buck, you know that we love you more than anything.” He gulps, expecting a lecture or scolding. He knows he’s been a little wishy-washy lately, and it’s only a matter of time before one of the firefam calls him on it. Buck retreats in an attempt to make himself smaller. His shoulders press into the cushions as he breathes.
She pauses, brushing her thumbs over his cheekbones, “Evan, you’re my son. I love you like I love May and Harry.” His eyes meet hers again as he gasps. Her fingers press a little harder into his skin. Tears fill his eyes and he blinks rapidly, a few of them slide down his cheeks. He doesn’t deserve this, he hasn’t done anything to get this kind of respect from her. Buck shakes his head.
Athena smiles softly, wiping away a fallen tear. “I’m sorry that we didn’t take you seriously. I’m sorry that we passed you off.” Her voice chokes up, “I promise to listen to you, okay. I love you.” He tries to pull away again, even turns his head. But her hands keep him in place as she raises from her crouched position. Athena’s leaning over him now, still wiping his cheeks with her thumbs, “I love you, Evan.”
“I love you too, ‘Thena.” Buck bites his lip in an attempt to keep it from wobbling. She pushes his hair back, petting him. Then she kisses his head.
2
Chim grabs his shoulder, pulling him into a corner behind one of the ladder trucks. “Buck, you know I care about you, right?” Really, again? What’s with everyone today?
Buck smirks, “Of course, I’m Maddie’s little brother-”
“No,” Chim sighs, “I mean, yes. I care because you’re Maddie’s brother. But I also care because you’re my coworker, and my friend first. If you ever need to talk about anything, I want you to come to me. Albert’s my brother, but so are you.” Chim’s grip doesn’t falter, and he looks up at Buck with earnest eyes. “I’ve always admired you, how much passion you have, and how dedicated to the job you are. I know that for a while we let you go, and that was wrong.”
Buck feels his fingers pressing roughly into his work shirt, he can tell how much Chim means it by his grip. “Thanks, Chim.” Buck smiles, dipping his head. Chim moves his hand to Buck’s hair, winding his fingers through the strands on the back of his head. He tugs softly before patting his hair down again.
“I love you, Buckaroo.”
3
Hen stops him just after they get back from a call. She follows him into the kitchen then sits at the table. “Buck, come here.” He glances at her curiously, then goes back to making himself a sandwich. Hen seems to wait patiently until he’s finished. “Come sit down, we’re going to have a chat.”
“What’s up Hen, something wrong?” He panics slightly, replaying everything he did on the last call to make sure he isn’t about to be scolded for doing something wrong.
“No, stop making that face, you’re not in trouble.” She reaches for his hand, taking it away from the plate, “I promise you’re not in trouble, Buck.”
Buck frowns, “What’d I do?” His words are short and he looks away from her.
“Buck, look at me. You didn’t do anything.” She moves her head, trying to meet his eyes again. Her voice drops, “We really did a number on you, didn’t we?” He doesn’t answer. “Buck, we love you. I know we pushed you off after the lawsuit and all that, but we still love you.”
“I’m not- Hen you don’t have to,” He sighs while pulling on his hair a bit, “Don’t think you have to make me feel good, I’m fine.”
Hen scoffs, “No you’re not. You’re pulling away, you flinch when we raise our voices at you, you don’t even smile as much anymore.” She scoots her chair closer to his, “We pushed you away, we messed up. So,” her hand runs through his hair, “I’m sorry, Buck, really.” Buck closes his eyes, the memory of Athena doing the same thing earlier flashing in front of his eyes. He jerks slightly as Hen’s hand curls around his ear.
“Hen-” She cuts him off with a hush before bringing him into her chest. Hen wraps her arms tightly around his shoulders.
4
Buck’s shoulders tense as Bobby calls him into his office at the end of their shift. “Something wrong, Cap?”
“Yeah, Buck, sit down.” A chill runs down his spine as he closes the office door. “I heard from a few people that you’re having some issues. You want to talk about that?”
“Cap, I can explain! Please don’t fire me, I’m doing better I swear!” His fear gets the best of him, and he starts shouting.
“Buck, Buck, calm down.” Bobby stands abruptly, reaching out for him. “You’re not in trouble, son. I just wanted to talk.”
“I can do better, Cap. I won’t do another lawsuit, I swear!” His breath picks up.
“Hey, hey, I know you aren’t. I know, Buck, take a breath.” Bobby’s at his side in a second, leaning down next to the chair he’s in. “I was talking about Athena and Hen mentioning you being a bit on edge.” Bobby’s hand rests on his knee lightly. “You’re okay, kiddo, your job is okay.” He openly sobs at Bobby’s words, his emotions crashing, exhaustion hit. Months of worrying and silent prayers answered. He’s okay, his job is okay.
“Bobby-” Buck hiccups, “I’m sorry.” Bobby looks at him with pity, a frown etched into his skin. Buck ducks his head in shame, his shoulders shaking as he sobs once more. The hand on his leg goes away and he sinks. Then arms pull him up so he’s standing.
Bobby grips his shoulders while meeting his gaze, “You don’t have to be sorry, Evan. I’m the one that should be sorry. I didn’t realize you were having such a rough time back then. And I sure as hell didn’t realize you’re still having a hard time now. That’s on me.” Bobby wraps himself around Buck tightly. He lets his hands fall to his sides, not gripping Bobby back. “I love you, kiddo. I’m sorry.”
Buck sniffles, eyes staring at the back wall of the office. “You don’t-”
“No, Evan, you listen to me.” Bobby’s eyes wide and serious, “You’re a good kid. I messed up back then. I was scared for you, so I kept you from coming back. But I won’t do that anymore. If you want something, you can get it.” Bobby clears his throat, “I love you like you’re my son. I should’ve paid more attention to you.”
Buck crumbles, his arms grasping for something to hold on to. His fingers dig into Bobby’s work shirt and his knees buckle. He thinks he’s going to fall to the ground, but Bobby’s got him. Bobby moves his arms, supporting most of Buck’s weight until he gets a grip. “Kiddo, hey, Evan, it’s okay.” He sobs again, his arms finally looping around Bobby’s shoulders while his head digs into his captain’s neck.
Bobby’s hand moves from his hip to the back of his head. His fingers run through the hair there, petting Buck. “I’m sorry, Bobby.” Bobby only pets him a few more times, not saying anything. They stand like that for a few minutes, occasionally swaying because Buck digs himself a little deeper into Bobby’s hold. “Love you,” It’s a whisper on his collar, and Buck almost hopes that his captain doesn’t hear it.
“I love you too, Evan.” Bobby surprises him by pressing a small kiss to his temple, “You’re always welcome in my house.”
5
Eddie invites him over for dinner, making excuses about Chris being with Abuela for the night and he doesn’t want to be alone in an empty house. Dinner is normal enough, he has to escape to the bathroom as soon as he enters the house to see how bad his face really is. It’s not horrible, but there’s evidence of his breakdown if Eddie looks hard enough.
“Buck, come here,” Eddie’s on the couch, his legs splayed out in the middle of it.
“Gonna make room for me?” He grins while reaching for the remote. Eddie stops him though, his hand hovering over the coffee table. “What’s up, Eds?”
“Sit down, I want to talk.” He pats his thighs. Buck points, his eyebrows raised, at Eddie’s lap. His best friend nods, “Yeah, man, sit down.”
“Didn’t know we were this comfortable in our friendship, Eds.” He jokes but settles himself down onto Eddie’s thighs, nonetheless. He’s sitting sideways at first, but Eddie doesn’t seem to like that. He moves Buck so he’s straddling, “Eds?” Naturally, Buck shimmies a little to get more comfortable in the new position.
“I want to talk to you.”
“While I’m in your lap?” Eddie nods, “What’d you want to talk about, man?”
“I’m not good at this, you’re going to have to cut me some slack.” Buck preens a little as Eddie’s hand travels up to his hair. He pats lightly, then digs his fingers into the strands near the nape of his neck. “I don’t talk about my feelings, but you do, and there’s some stuff I need to say to you.”
Eddie’s other hand pats his hip methodically. Buck’s feels comfortable like this, safe. He shuffles a little more, getting closer to Eddie’s chest. He brings his arms up to rest behind Eddie’s head on the back of the couch. The fingers in his hair still for a second, then they move to scrape through the product holding his hair down by his ear.
“I love you, man. Chris loves you.” Buck jerks, meeting Eddie’s eyes. “I know you tried to talk about it that one night, and I accused you of making it about yourself-”
Buck cuts him off, “I did.” Eddie keeps his gaze, but something in his eyes softens.
He grips Buck’s hip, bunching his shirt a little, “I know, but that doesn’t mean that you weren’t right.” Buck looks behind the couch, trying to count the spots he can see on the kitchen wall from all the times he and Chris tried making pancakes and ended up with a mess instead. “I know you don’t think you saved Chris.” He shuts his eyes, “But, to me, you saved him. To Chris, you’re a hero.”
Eddie continues to run his fingers through Buck’s hair, occasionally pulling on it as he finds an especially stiff patch. He clenches his jaw before dropping his head to Eddie’s shoulder. His eyes are still closed, and he makes himself smaller in Eddie’s arms. His throat hurts and his eyes sting. He doesn’t want to cry again today, why is Eddie doing this?
“Eds,” Buck groans.
Eddie shuffles a little uncomfortably under him, “Abuela te ama, habla de ti todo el tiempo. Tia se jacta de ti cada vez que habla con mis hermanas por teléfono.” The hand on his hip wraps protectively around his waist. Eddie pulls him impossibly closer, no space between their chests now. His shoulders burn like this, the strain becomes too much. As he pulls his arms back, Buck huffs air into Eddie’s neck. His arms sink to his sides and he rolls his shoulders. “I don’t know-” He pauses.
The hand in his hair retreats, traveling down his neck. Eddie pulls his face up, “I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you, Buck. You’re my best friend.” The pads of his fingers add to the burn in his throat. Buck snorts, attempting to pass off the uncomfortable feeling he’s having. “Me importas mucho, ni siquiera lo sabes.” It’s a whisper near his ear, something low enough that he’s not even sure he’s supposed to hear it. He really only understands a few words, something about being important, not knowing how much.
“Eddie, you don’t have to tell me this.” His voice is weak, he’s barely holding himself together. His throat burns so badly, all he wants is some water and to stop feeling vulnerable for the day.
“You’re a good person, Buck.” Eddie doesn’t stop, he keeps going even as Buck pushes his head a little further into his neck. “Sometimes your heart scares me, I don’t know how someone could care so much about other people and not care about themselves.”
He breaks, whatever wall he’d built to keep himself from crying again breaks, and the sound that comes from his throat is atrocious. He thinks it’s something between a sob and a whine, falling somewhere in the realm of a dying animal. Eddie holds him through it, even begins to draw little patterns on his back.
“You- you shouldn’t care a-about me,” He chokes, tears dripping down his cheeks and into his mouth.
“Why, because you don’t? We all care about you, Buck.” He hears the tone Eddie uses with Chris when he’s upset, the fatherly tone. “I know we fucked up, god, I know.” He squeezes his eyes shut, willing himself to stop crying. Another sob rips from his chest. Buck jerks, trying to shake himself free. Eddie holds him tighter, hands gripping his shirt and hair roughly. “And it’s okay to fall apart. Me enseñaste que está bien no estar bien.”
“Eds-”
“I know, cariño, I know.” Eddie tuts, softly patting his head again. “But you’re stuck with us, Chris and I, and we care a lot about you. So you’re going to have to deal with it.” His voice softens again, “I know Maddie cares about you, how could she not, she’s your older sister. Hen and Chim love you so much. You know that they fought Bobby when you had an embolism, and while you were still recovering I had to keep them from checking on you every five minutes?” It feels like something in his chest cracks, his conversations with the two of them at the front of his mind.
“Athena and Bobby basically adopted you, the other week I listened to them plan a family outing and Athena asked Bobby if you were joining. If you don’t think they love you, you’re blind. Ciego y estúpido, como mi tío.” He listens to the lull of Eddie’s voice, getting a little lost in the feeling of hands running over his body. It’s enough to distract him from the noise he’s making, the hiccups, and gasps as he pulls himself back together.
+1
He’s always admired Chris being as simple as he is. He’s entertained with toys, and mac and cheese seems to be his favorite food most days. Buck couldn’t love him more if he tried. He’s been spending more time at Eddie’s which seems impossible, but he’s all but moved in at this point. He and Chris have been playing legos for a while, occasionally getting distracted with the idea of snacks.
“Bucky?”
“What’s up, Christopher?” He looks up from the T-Rex he’s been working on. “Do you want to come to my parent teacher conference tomorrow night?”
“Isn’t your dad going to that? I thought he asked for it off so he could go.”
“Yeah, but I want you to come too.” Buck cocks his head at the statement. Chris smiles up at him, “You’re my best friend. I want my teacher to meet you.” Buck’s mouth drops open in surprise. His chest fills with warmth, “And Dad wants you to come,” Chris adds casually before going back to his legos.
“You’re my best friend too, superman. I’d love to come.” His cheeks are rosy and he bites his lip. They continue in silence, building until Eddie gets home.
“How was he?” Eddie smiles setting his bag down next to the door.
“He invited me to parent-teacher conferences tomorrow,” Buck pauses.
“He did? I told him to wait until I got home so we could do it together.” Chris giggles from the living room at his words. “I told you we’d do it as a family, Christopher!” His scolding is harmless, a smile falling on his lips. “So?”
Tilting his head, Buck looks at the floor, “I didn’t know you wanted me to go.” He scuffs a foot along the tile.
“You’re family, Buck, of course, we want you to come. Pretty sure his teacher wants to meet you anyways, Chris never seems to stop talking about you.”
“Yeah, I’ll go.” Eddie’s hand comes up to run through his curls. He didn’t put product in his hair today, knowing that he was spending the entire day with Chris. Eddie scratches behind his ear, twirling a strand or two in his fingers.