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Wei Wuxian wakes alone in darkness, and sighs.
He wakes alone quite often, as it happens, but usually it happens after dawn.
The other side of the bed is cold. Lan Zhan is getting sneakier. Usually Wei Wuxian wakes when Lan Zhan gets up, and then Lan Zhan kisses him back to sleep and goes to make breakfast for Sizhui. He wakes alone when he wakes again, later.
But then, usually Lan Zhan isn't deliberately avoiding him.
Wei Wuxian rises, and dresses, because he's pretty sure that's all the sleep he's getting tonight.
He really should have expected this.
---
He cannot risk Sizhui waking to find himself alone. He's only six, and Wei Wuxian is years away from being ready for the notion of his son ever being alone, so he bundles him in blankets and carries him still mostly-asleep through Lotus Pier and knocks on the door he thinks of as Jiang Cheng's, even though Jiang Cheng shares it with others.
It's Wen Qing who answers, because a knock on this door, this early in the morning, is usually calling for her and it's usually urgent.
"Wuxian?" She takes in the sight of Sizhui, dozing draped across his shoulder. "Is he -"
"He's fine," he says softly. "But Lan Zhan -" He stops, because Sizhui is not entirely asleep, and -
Xichen emerges from an inner doorway, sleep-mussed and blinking. "Ah," he says. "I suspect I can explain it, but we should settle Sizhui first."
He comes to the door, and Wei Wuxian carefully transfers Sizhui to Xichen's arms. "Please," he says.
Xichen's expression is rueful. "If I can be of assistance, let me know," he says.
"This is assistance," Wei Wuxian says, gesturing towards Sizhui, "but I will definitely send for you if I need more."
Sizhui safe, he sets out to find his husband. It's difficult. Scattered clouds dim the stars, and the new moon offers no light at all.
Finally he spots the faintest glimmer of violet; the light of Suibian's glare reflecting off something white. Something that diffuses the light just enough to be white robes on a man, not the crisp mirror images off the still surfaces of the lakes.
Lan Zhan.
Wei Wuxian lands a short distance away and approaches from in front, treading noisily across the bracken. He could, of course, be quieter, but he has no intention of startling his quarry.
Lan Zhan has found a patch of reasonably bare rock overlooking a small lake of budding lotus and is kneeling, his head bowed.
Wei Wuxian sits next to him.
"Does it help?" he asks, in as gentle a tone as he can muster. He suspects he already knows the answer.
"I don't know," Lan Zhan says. "It... does not make it worse."
Wei Wuxian nods. That was about what he expected. "I'll stay with you," he says.
"Sizhui." Lan Zhan still hasn't looked up.
"He's with our brothers and Wen Qing," Wei Wuxian tells him. "He's okay."
Lan Zhan doesn't say anything else. Wei Wuxian sits by him quietly. He watches the stars, picks out the figures he knows, locates the Celestial Bed and thinks idly about how much he wishes he was in his own. In time the stars fade with approach of dawn.
He thinks it'll be around the time the sun crests the horizon, and he's right.
Lan Zhan shudders.
Wei Wuxian shifts closer, so there's barely a hair's thickness between them, but doesn't touch. "Nineteen years ago today," he says, as softly as he can, "was the last time you saw your mother." He takes a breath. "You had just turned six years old. And now your son has just turned six years old, and not that long ago, we told him that his mother died, and that so did yours."
He looks out at the lake. The lotus blossoms will be beautiful this year.
"In case you're worried," Wei Wuxian says, "I'm not upset with you. Whatever you need to do today, do it. I just don't think it's a good idea for you to be alone."
Now that it's light, he can see the river in the distance. There's a boat drifting down it, but he can't see any people on it; he wonders if it got loose from its moorings upstream.
Lan Zhan is trembling.
Did he do this when Sizhui turned six, and Wei Wuxian was dead? No - he can't have, Wei Wuxian thinks, not quite like this. He was barely out of seclusion then, his punishment for defending Wei Wuxian, and his grief must have been a complex thing, layered with the loss of Wei Wuxian himself.
So... probably worse than this.
He wonders if the next thing he's going to say is a betrayal, or a gift; he's never been less sure of himself in this life, because this Lan Zhan has never told him this. This Lan Zhan might not even know, himself, the nature of the wound he carries, because this Lan Zhan is still so young, has not yet reached the understanding that age can bring.
There's an ache to having so many memories that no-one alive can share, distant but ever-present; it's days like this that mean he never minds it. Today, Lan Zhan will not be alone.
"It wasn't your fault," Wei Wuxian says, eyes on the drifting boat. "You didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't because you broke the rules." He hears Lan Zhan gasp, doesn't look around. "You cried that night, after you went home. You didn't even know why, but you cried, and you couldn't stop." The boat is about to pass out of sight behind the trees. "The next morning they told you you could never visit your mother again."
"It is." Lan Zhan's breath hitches on a sob. "Forbidden. To be overly sad."
"It is permitted to be appropriately sad. Lan Zhan, look at me," Wei Wuxian says, rising and moving to kneel in front of his husband. Lan Zhan meets his eyes, and Wei Wuxian has to take a breath at the raw pain in his expression. "Lan Zhan, Sizhui is with his uncles and aunt right now, but he was still asleep when I took him there. He might not remember I did it. If he wakes with his parents gone, and cries, do you think Jiang Cheng and Xichen should punish him for it?"
A flash of fire in Lan Zhan's eyes, there. "No," he says instantly. "He may be worried, and confused. He should not be punished. We should go back -"
"Not yet," Wei Wuxian says firmly, because if they go now, it will be infinitely more difficult for him to get Lan Zhan to finish this discussion. "Our brothers will explain. But why is Sizhui permitted to cry, if you deserved punishment? He sees us every day. You knew you wouldn't see your mother for another month."
"Because -" Lan Zhan stops, closes his eyes. "The Elders said if I was disobedient again that I would not be permitted -"
He stops, and Wei Wuxian has to take a very careful breath, because the world went white for a moment there, and Lan Zhan needs him to be loving, not filled with overwhelming rage.
Lan Zhan has never before told him that at all.
"Lan Zhan," he says, "the Elders were wrong to say that, and your mother died." Wei Wuxian is not sure Lan Zhan knows how she died, that Lan Qiren has in his rooms a locked chest that contains nothing but a letter he hasn't touched since the day he found it. Now is not the time to tell him. "If she hadn't, you still would have seen her." He reaches forward to take Lan Zhan's hands. "Lan Zhan, are we allowing the Elders to decide how our son is raised?"
"No," Lan Zhan says, and Wei Wuxian smiles sadly.
"Exactly," he says, and then gentles his voice. "Lan Zhan, I know nothing can make today stop hurting, but I'm here, and A-Yuan is not very far away. Come back inside." Lan Zhan sways, and Wei Wuxian tugs gently on his hands, inviting. "Be with me. Be with your son. You are ours, and we will never let them take you away from us."
"I miss her," Lan Zhan says. "I miss her every -"
Lan Zhan collapses forward, and Wei Wuxian catches him, holds him tightly as he weeps. He murmurs promises into his hair, of forever and always, of family, that Lan Zhan will always have him and A-Yuan will always have both of them.
Afterwards, they can return to Lotus Pier. They can have breakfast with their brothers and their sister-in-law, with their son and their nephews and niece. There can be noise and indecorous behaviour - Jiang Cheng's sons can be relied upon for that - and the children can still see their parents, and Lan Zhan can remember that they have their family, and their son will never be restricted to seeing either one of them on only one day of each month.
Xichen can be fragile beneath his mask of geniality, and Wen Qing can announce she is taking the day off from her work. Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng can be ridiculous together until both of their husbands are fondly amused, and they can all of them get through this together.
Lan Zhan will still hurt, because not even Wen Qing can heal wounds like this in a day, but it will be easier to bear, in time, because that is the way of such things. Next year, Wei Wuxian thinks, he will do better - he will invite Lan Qiren to visit, and shijie, and he will stay up all night if he has to to keep Lan Zhan from slipping out to grieve alone.
For now, their family is waiting for them.