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Some times, when they were running out of supplies and the sun was warm outside, Even used to ask Ienzo to go downtown with him.
"A scientist needs to take some fresh air, so the brain can work better" he once told him when he was a child. After they were recompleted as humans, they began the habit once more, but this time it was Ienzo who took the initiative. He had in fact noticed with concern that Even wasn't so prone lately to leave the lab, even though he clearly needed a break. He spent so much time working that Ienzo, in comparison, could have been considered lazy, and that said it all.
Having spent a couple of minutes trying to convince him, Ienzo finally managed to bring him outside.
It was late morning, a normal day of May some time after the end of the war. A kind of normality dreamt and craved for so long that now, finally achieved, seemed strange, out of place; the peace of the square in front of the castle, the lively voices from the crowd near the market, the unaware people who greeted them, honorable scientists of the king. Ienzo was aware of that, he felt immense discomfort when that last thing happened, but he knew they just had to get used to it; they had to behave normally if they wanted normality back.
As soon as they reached the market, Ienzo took the grocery list from his pocket. They didn't need work-related stuff, but rather food supplies like tea, coffee, something to eat during breaks; all things that they preferred to buy themselves, as they both were quite picky.
"We can start with the tea shop there" Ienzo suggested, pointing at a stand few meters from them. Even nodded, still too quiet, but Ienzo didn't ask more.
They reached the stand and began wandering their gazes around, looking for their favourite types of tea. Ienzo was more into fruit and sweet flavours, while Even only took black tea, no sugar, and as strong as possible; his favourite was a smocked one that smelled and tasted like heavily grilled meat, and that everyone except Even found disgusting.
Ienzo had just identified a good one when he heard Even's voice greeting someone. He turned and saw a woman next to him, grey hairs and at least twenty years older than Even.
"Even, dear, so long I haven't seen you! How are you doing?"
He answered with the first hint of a smile Ienzo saw on his face after days, although not a bright one.
"I'm doing well, thank you. Still working on my researches".
"Of course. I was never able to picture you outside of a lab".
She had a kind expression, apparently unaware of the sensible nervousness in Even's voice.
"Neither was I. I dove into research long time ago and it became my reason to live. I don't think there is something else I would enjoy doing".
"I see. You know, I've always envied you" she said, and Ienzo saw Even's eyes widening: that was something he wasn't used to hear. "I have been trying to find something to dive in too, something I could use to distract myself for more than a couple of hours, but I'm afraid there is nothing like that for me. So I had to just give up and accept my melancholy".
Ienzo felt a strange vibe. He had the impression it was close to a conversation he wasn't supposed to hear, but his childish self wanted to know more and therefore he stayed were he was, pretending to check some more tea packs.
"I am sorry to hear that, Helena”. He paused for few seconds. Before he could find something else to add, she finally noticed Ienzo.
“Oh, is he a colleague?”
Even turned to him, apparently oblivious of his presence.
“I’m Ienzo, very pleased to meet you” he said with a smile, shaking her hand.
“Please to meet you too. Mm, I might have heard your name somewhere… oh! Right. Aren’t you the boy that Ansem took with him about, what, ten years ago?”
Ienzo nodded.
“You have a great memory, Madame”.
“Oh, are you all so polite in that castle?” she asked with a soft laugh. Ienzo, a bit in discomfort a moment before, now smiled.
“Thank you. Actually, Even is the one who took most care of me since I was brought to the castle, so I suppose it’s more his influence than a requirement from human resources”.
They slightly laughed. Even followed, more with embarrassment than amusement. Then someone coughed behind them; two clients wanted to have a look at the stand so they had to move few steps away.
Helena spoke first.
“I think it’s time to go. I still have a lot of things to buy”.
“The same for us” Even replied. “I hope to see you again sometimes”.
“Oh, don’t worry dear, you don’t have to force yourself. It’s better if this encounter remains completely random, I would hate myself to reawaken in you sad memories: mines are enough”.
Ienzo thought that was rude, but the smile on her face was soft and kind, and Even didn’t look offended at all.
“Thank you, Helena. Please, take care of yourself, and if you need anything come at the castle and ask for me, anytime”.
He was sincere, Ienzo could tell that. They said goodbye and watched her walking away. After a couple of seconds, Even spoke without looking at Ienzo.
“We should continue with our shopping”.
“Right”.
They bought the tea and some boxes of cookies they sold at the same stand, then moved to another one for the coffee. Once they were satisfied, they headed towards the castle, one next to the other.
The silence between them was a bit uncomfortable. Ienzo was curious to know who that Helena was, but didn’t dare asking him; he still had the impression it was better to step out of that conversation. However, Even himself decided to speak out.
“You are wondering who she was, I suppose”.
“Um… well, yes. Sorry”.
He was caught a bit off guard. Despite being the one who introduced the topic, Even didn’t reply immediately. Instead he took some time, perhaps, Ienzo thought, to find the proper words.
“Helena is the mother of my deceased fiancée”.
Ienzo glanced at him, silent. So much burden in eight words.
He was right, after all: that conversation meant something deep. And he had never had any idea that Even once had not only a girlfriend, but a fiancée. In moments like that, Ienzo remembered how little he knew about his mentor.
Having no proper answer to that revelation, he replied in the most obvious way.
“I see. I am sorry, I had no idea about that”.
“Don’t worry, Ienzo. It’s simple curiosity and it’s not your fault that you heard us talking”. Then, after turning a corner and entering a secondary road that led to the castle, Even suddenly became more talkative. “I haven’t seen Helena for many years, more than the ten we spent as Nobodies. I used to meet her sometimes, always coincidentally of course. We both know that seeing each other only brings back memories, so we avoid purposeful meetings”.
Ienzo nodded. They were now at the foot of a wide, secondary staircase, but Even didn’t proceed. Instead, he placed the shopping bags on a wall half his height and leant on it, thoughtful looking at the nearest roofs. Ienzo stood close to him but still distanced, to give Even some sort of psychological privacy.
“Her name was Diane. She was a woman of science like me, but her interests were in their entirety dedicated to the environment. Sea animals were her specialty, as she loved diving deep in the ocean and study everything she could see”. He looked calm, his breath was controlled, but his gaze was completely lost. “One day, she left for an expedition. She was supposed to stay away for some weeks to study some new animals they found far from here, but that was the last time I saw her.
That same night, I was told she had drowned with her colleagues and the whole crew during a storm”.
More silence. Even never looked at him when he spoke, and Ienzo had the impression he even forgot he was there, like he was just talking to himself.
This time, however, Ienzo felt the need to say at least something.
“When did that happen?”
He stopped with the ‘I’m sorry’ mantra; he didn’t want to force Even to constantly say he didn’t have to apology.
“Two years before I met you. I was twenty-six at that time and she was my age, because we met at university”. Another long pause. “I admit that being Vexen made everything so much easier. I had forgotten what my past meant to me until I became myself again”.
He didn’t say more, but kept staring at the roofs for a while. Ienzo was not sure what to do, if staying there or leaving and telling him to take his time, but it was so unusual for Even to be so open that he decided to remain. He closed his eyes and breathed the cleaned air, perfumed by the flowers and warmed by the sun.
***
The soft moonlight sneaked through the window, slightly open to welcome the fresh air of a night in May. Under the white blankets of the bed below it, a man and a woman were whispering.
"I can go on my own, you know" she said. Diane's hairs were dark and short, the same colour of her sleepy eyes.
"I know. But I won't see or hear you for a month, so I refuse to tell you goodbye from our front door".
While Even spoke, his green eyes never left hers. The room was in shadow, but the tiny light of the moon allowed them to see each other, and so she was able to notice something in his expression.
She caressed his cheek.
"Are you worried?"
"Maybe".
"Why? It's just an expedition, I did it before and you weren't worried".
"Wrong" he said calmly, his arm wrapped around her hip. "The fact that you didn't notice doesn't mean I wasn't".
She widened her eyes.
"Really? Why you didn't tell me?"
"You would have thought I was being annoying" he admitted, changing position and laying now on his back, watching the ceiling. Diane adapted and moved a bit so that now she was on her elbow, looking at him.
"Stupid man, I wouldn't have". A soft frown showed up on her face. "And now I feel guilty".
"You see? That's the other reason why I didn't tell you".
"But you did it now".
He thought for a while.
"I suppose I'm allowed to be selfish sometimes".
She smiled and laid on his naked chest, kissing him two times before speaking.
"We both do something a bit dangerous, just you do it within four walls and I do it outside. I could say I am worried too, you know?"
"That's not…"
"And don't say it's different, because it's not".
Now he smiled too. Some time passed in silence, the only sound a cricket outside in the backyard. Even's gaze was still wandering between the ceiling and the big wardrobe in front of the bed, but his hand was softly caressing her hairs.
Then she spoke again.
"I will be back in time for the wedding, if this is what you fear".
"Mm…"
A murmur burdened by heavy pondering. Once he shielded himself in that way, it was hard to bring him back; but, after five years together, Diane had learnt how. She lifted herself once again, gently grabbed Even for an arm and forced him to sit with her.
"Kiss me".
He looked at her eyes, moving a lock of hairs from her forehead. Then obeid, holding her chin and slowly kissing her.
She put a hand behind his neck and gently pressed him closer.
" Even… Even…" Just a whisper through her lips, the way she learnt to calm his heart. "My Even".
And so he left his shield, muted his worrying, and surrendered to their last night.