Chapter Text
The party was, simply put, over the top. Dozens of pink candles, bowls of roses, a table covered in crystal flatware and a pink iced birthday cake that could feed fifty - in a room where only one person could even eat cake. Bella forced her grimace into a smile, smoothing the skirt of the dress Alice had selected for her and reminding herself to try to be gracious. She focused on Emmett’s booming laughter, Esme’s glowing smile and the comforting weight of Edward’s arm around her waist as he gazed at her adoringly. Even Jasper was in good spirits, his eyes a brighter butterscotch than she had ever seen them, and she suspected that he was assisting her relaxation with his gift.
Which may have been why she slid her finger just a bit too quickly through the envelope holding the gift from Carlisle and Esme. And why, when she felt the sting of the paper cut, she could only blink in surprise. As the blood beaded along the edge of the small wound, she was aware of the sudden painful pressure of Edward’s grip tightening on her waist. Then, several things happened seemingly at once.
Alice’s strangled shout of “EDWARD, NO!”
Edward’s other hand roughly grabbing the wrist of her injured arm and pulling it towards him.
Looking up to find Edward’s face turned monstrous in his sudden, feral hunger - eyes pitch black, teeth bared and dripping with venom.
A rush of air as Carlisle and Emmett grabbed Edward from behind and pulled him, snarling and growling, from the house.
Esme’s cool arms wrapping around Bella’s shoulders, guiding her to the piano bench as her entire body began to tremble.
And then there was silence, save for her own rapid, gasping breaths.
In a flash, Alice was kneeling in front of her, her fingers feeling strangely less cool than usual. I must be going into shock. That brought to mind an evening, months ago, sipping cokes and inhaling the sweet scent of Edward’s jacket around her shoulders as he watched her closely for signs of reaction to her near trauma. Apparently being nearly raped isn’t half as traumatic as your own boyfriend trying to kill you. A strangled sound like a laugh bubbled out of her throat, chased quickly by a heaving sob, and she realized tears were streaming down her face and pooling in the dip of her clavicle.
“What ha - why did I - is he? - Oh god, I’m so stupid!” The words tumbled from her lips, rapid and nearly hysterical. “It’s my fault, it’s my fault. God, I’m so stupid.” The words became a mantra. She barely registered that as she sobbed them, over and over again, she was rocking her body. Back - my fault, my fault - and forth - so stupid, so stupid.
“Shhh, Bella,” crooned Alice softly. Esme may have been stroking her hair, she couldn’t be sure,as her entire body felt like it had been doused in ice water. “Shhhh.”
She would later realize that Alice never said it was going to be okay.
-
What felt like hours later, the tears finally ran out. Bella felt hollow, emptied out and drained. Her body felt strangely numb, as if the connection between brain and limbs had been cut off. She swiped her hand over her cheeks and felt the rough fabric of a band aid. Someone - most likely Esme - had cleaned the small cut and bandaged it. The fact that she didn’t remember this should probably have been distressing, but all Bella could find in her to care about was the fact that, save the two female vampires currently comforting her, the house was completely empty. Jasper had fled in the commotion, whether to assist Carlisle and Emmett or to avoid her blood for his own struggles, or some combination of these options, she didn’t know. Rosalie may have spoken to Esme or Alice, she wouldn’t have known, but there had been no expectation that she would have stayed to help. This entire incident had probably only cemented to Rosalie that Bella was a liability.
Edward had not returned.
She forced herself to meet Alice’s concerned golden gaze. “Can you drive me home?” Her voice sounded strange to her own ears, flat and lifeless.
Alice’s brow furrowed and Esme’s hand stilled its path through her hair, but the pixie-like vampire quickly spoke, softly, as if to a frightened cat. “Of course, Bella. Whenever you’re ready.”
She stood slowly, her legs trembling beneath her like a newborn foal. “I’m ready now. Thank you.” She turned her eyes to Esme. “Thank you, Esme. Thank you for the gift, and for . . . “ Comforting me when your son, and the love of my life, nearly murdered me in your living room?
Esme’s eyes turned pitying. “Of course, Bella. You’re family, you know that.”
She nodded stiffly.
Alice stood at human speed, wrapping her arm around Bella’s shoulders and guiding her to the door. “You wait in the truck, I’ll gather your gifts and then we’ll go.” She gave a gentle nudge for Bella to walk down the stairs, which she did at a slower pace than usual, her body still not feeling entirely under her own control.
Once in the truck, she dug the keys out of her bag and turned it on, blasting the heat and thrusting her numb fingertips in front of the vent. Almost immediately, there was a small thump of packages being dropped into her flatbed, and Alice was climbing into the driver’s seat.
They drove silently, Bella still absently trying and failing to warm her icy hands, until the truck stopped at Bella’s driveway. Alice turned in the seat to face her, face drawn and uncertain. “Bella, I -”
“He’s going to leave, isn’t he.” It wasn’t a question. She wasn’t sure where the thought came from, but as she said the words, she felt them settle with cold certainty into her bones. What was it he had said to her once? If leaving is the right thing to do, then I’ll hurt myself to keep from hurting you. She had sworn then that that would never be the case.
“I . . .can’t be certain,” Alice said, her voice soft and sad. “He isn’t in a place to make decisions right now.”
Bella didn’t know what this meant, or what to say, so she said nothing, simply nodded.
“Bella.” Alice rubbed her hair softly. “You need to get some rest. Things always seem less dire after a good night’s sleep, or so I’ve heard.” Her cheeky smile didn’t reach her topaz eyes.
“Yeah. I’ll try.” She climbed out of the truck and grabbed her gifts before more could be said, ambling awkwardly with her arms full up the drive but noting that Alice didn’t offer to help. When she reached the front door and glanced back, the cab of her truck was empty.
-
Twenty minutes later, standing under the spray of a scalding hot shower, she ran her fingers over two identical sets of bruises - four fingers and a thumb, purple and blue on the skin of her wrist and the curve of her waist. And she bit her lip to stifle her sobs as her body thawed, and tears began to flow once more.