Chapter Text
Seeing Allura’s face after death was not one of the things Lance expected, then again, he wasn’t dead anymore, and he wasn’t expecting that either.
He hoped that dying would be peaceful, like a nap in the sand and sun back at home. He hadn’t had that kind of rest in over a year, and home felt like a fever dream by this point. But apparently life had other choices, Allura had other choices, and the world still needed a paladin for the red lion.
Not really, he thought, Keith deserves to pilot red. Not him.
Waking up after dying, everything felt different . Like getting a fever but not realizing it, where the world just feels off and everything feels wrong. Of course, the world hasn’t felt the same since he left earth on a giant mechanical blue lion approximately a year and a half ago, just to find out aliens were real, he was a part of a space robot, and there is a huge alien war against a race his friend was apart of.
Was Keith even his friend? Keith left? And Lance was the one that drove him away, Keith didn’t want to be here anymore, and obviously Lance respects that, but leaving? It didn’t feel right, maybe he took it too far with the teasing, or maybe, and this is probably most likely, he left because of what Lance told him.
Which only causes Lance to feel worse, because what if Keith didn’t want to leave. And yet he did, for Lance. That would mean not only did lance force him to go away because he felt obligated to. But that he left because they were friends, because they were so close, Keith Wanted to leave, not because he was peer pressured by Lance, but because he thought it was the right thing for Lance.
Nothing feels worse than people leaving, more than being the reason why they left.
It should have been him instead of Keith. Keith might deserve to find out more about his culture, but Lance doesn’t deserve to be a paladin. Keith does. It isn’t fair. All the others have a “thing.” proclaiming yourself as “sharpshooter” isn’t a thing.
“Lance,” Allura’s voice brought him back to the present, “Lance, we still have to fight”
And so that’s what they did, together as a team. Voltron battling Galra, just another Sunday. Lance wondered if Sundays even existed in space.
The battle ended fairly quickly after that, they were all worn out from fighting. Allura practically had to be dragged into the infirmary after landing in the castle. Bringing someone back to life and then fighting immediately after must’ve been hard, Lance supposed. But Lance hadn’t noticed how tired everyone was.
He felt like he was drifting in a pool of invisible sludge. It didn’t feel right, HE doesn’t feel right. Like if he was standing in the dark and saw someone and tried to reach out but he had no hands, or body, or wasn’t even real.
Coming back from being dead felt wrong , it was all wrong. Allura shouldn’t have brought him back. He doesn’t deserve to live. He of all people, so many people have died in this war. So why him? What has he done to deserve a second chance? There have been so many others that deserve it more. And yet Allura chose him.
Eventually, he reached his room. He sat on his bed, it should have brought Lance comfort but all he felt was wrong.
He wasn’t supposed to be here, its all wrong, wrong, wrong.
He heard the door slide open with a mechanical woosh, but he made no move to see who was there.
“Lancey,” What? The familiar voice jerked him out of his constant thoughts of wrong, “what? No hi?”
“Keith?” Lance looked up. There standing in his full glory and terrible mullet was Keith Kogane, who left, but now apparently back.
“That’s my name, don’t wear it out” that definitely wouldn’t be something Keith would say. But Lance was too captivated by the fact that he was back to worry about it.
“What- Wh- Why are you here? When did you come back? Aren’t you supposed to be with the blade?” Lance felt like there were too many questions, but it was Keith and he was back, it didn’t matter because he was back.
“Maybe I am, maybe not” he half-answered, Lance didn’t care he was staring at Keith, it should have been weird, but at the same time it felt like the first thing that was right, Keith in his blade suit and stupid dagger in his hand, the dagger that made him leave, “dinners starting soon, you should go.”
“What about you?” Lance didn’t want to leave him alone so soon after him coming back, “aren’t you coming too?”
“I’ll be there soon,” he gestured towards his outfit, “I want to change first though.”
He walked out through the doors, and Lance followed. He watched Keith turn right towards his room, and he turned left towards the kitchen.
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Dinner was loud as usual. A comfort for being in the silence of space.
It reminded him of Varadero, of family dinners, of home .
His twin sister, Rachel, sitting next to him. His mother berating Marco about something, Luis telling his kids to sit still.
Lance kept glancing towards the door, Keith still wasn’t here. Honestly, it was weird , but then again, everything felt weird, so was Lance just weird, or was something actually wrong?
Pidge must have noticed how quiet Lance was today. They kept giving glances back and forth between him and the door.
“What’s wrong?” Pidge got the courage to ask, their voice held underlying concern for their friend. They passed the weird-looking purple bread Hunk had made towards Coran. “Are you expecting an attack or something?”
She had tried to diffuse his tension with a joke, but it didn’t seem to make him laugh, or even smile . This only concerned Pidge more. They only knew tech, they weren’t good with emotions, and yet no one else realized something was wrong.
“No Keith isn’t here yet,” Lance replied with. They laughed Lance off as if he made another joke.
Keith must not have told the others he was back, to surprise them probably, yea that made sense. So they must’ve thought Lance was just making another joke.
He figured to just go with it, better to keep it a secret for Keith’s sake, it wasn’t the first time Keith had missed dinner anyways. Nothing new, everything was fine.
Lance hadn’t however missed the odd glance Allura gave him. And the way she flashed a look towards Shiro, then towards Lance. A look that held a thousand words, but only one meaning.
A look that said we need to talk .
Something was wrong with Lance, and over half of the dinner table was about to find out.