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“I don’t love you anymore.”
The words Yoongi’s now ex-boyfriend uttered kept repeating inside his mind, each word piercing through him like a knife and carving deep into his chest as if to take out his heart.
Yoongi just couldn’t understand. He couldn’t understand how Taehyung could give up so easily, especially when they’ve lasted for so long that the twenty-seven year old actually thought that he was going to be with him forever.
A year was no joke, but Yoongi has been with Taehyung for the entirety of five whole years and three months, and he’s known the younger for a total of eight years.
What happened? Why did Taehyung’s feelings for him disappear just like that? What did Yoongi do? What didn’t Yoongi do?
He had so many questions yet he knew Taehyung was never gonna give him the answers he wanted.
He could only assume and let his mind consume himself as he wallowed in the pain of heartbreak.
He didn’t know where he went wrong— he’s always been so good to Taehyung all these years, and despite the numerous fights and arguments they’ve had, they always made sure they didn’t end the night on a bad note.
He’s always showered the younger with so much love and affection, though he’s usually done it behind closed doors as he wasn’t one for public displays of affection and Taehyung always understood that.
He’s always been understanding when it came to Taehyung— he’s always given into whatever his boyfriend wanted, as long as it was reasonable, because he knew he never could resist that adorable pout and the loud whining he’s grown to love.
He’s never once failed to remind Taehyung that he loved him— he loved him as much as Yoongi loved music, he loved him that he would have given him the stars if he asked, as Yoongi would have made sure he found a way to do so, as long as it made Taehyung happy.
He loved him so much that he never could imagine his future without Taehyung in it, and he has been planning to propose to the younger for a few months… but he would never have the opportunity to do so anymore.
After all, Taehyung told him that he no longer loved Yoongi.
But Yoongi couldn’t feel the same way Taehyung did, he still loved Taehyung with all his heart.
The words that left Taehyung’s lips that day still continued to ring in his head, clear as day, as if days haven’t passed since he told him that without looking into the older boy’s eyes.
— a few weeks ago.
“I don’t love you anymore,” the twenty-five year old murmured, his dark eyes fixated on the ground as he refused to look Yoongi straight in the eye as he unraveled what was truly in his heart.
Yoongi chuckled, his eyes glinting as he thought that it was another of Taehyung’s strange jokes that usually ended up with them bursting out laughing.
Although this kind of joke was definitely new, he had to give him props for thinking of something different.
“Nice try, Tae, that’s not funny though,” Yoongi tried to peer into his boyfriend’s eyes, but the younger boy kept turning his face away from him so he wouldn’t share eye contact with Yoongi.
“Hey, come on, look at me.”
Taehyung shook his head, his fist clenching as he kept his eyes on the ground.
He knew that if he looked into Yoongi’s eyes, his courage would dissipate and he was going to run away from the thoughts he’s had for a little while now.
He couldn’t postpone it any longer, he couldn’t keep dragging this on when he knew in his heart that it didn’t feel right anymore.
“No, I’m not… kidding, Yoongi,” the ash blonde managed to utter, still trying his hardest not to break and peer into those dark eyes he’s known for the past eight years, and have loved for five.
Loved.
Yoongi’s brown eyes flickered down to Taehyung’s fist, noticing how it was clenched and how his bottom lip quivered as he kept his gaze down onto the ground.
Panic began to wash over him as he began to realize that maybe Taehyung wasn’t kidding at all, he seemed to be serious and sincere, despite the fact that he very truly wished he wasn’t.
“Wait… what?” Yoongi could feel his heartbeat racing, anxiety flooding through him as his mind struggled to comprehend why Taehyung would suddenly tell him he didn’t love him anymore.
That couldn’t possibly be true, everything was perfect up until a few minutes ago.
He and Taehyung were happy. It was only last night when Yoongi whispered words of adoration and affection into his boyfriend’s ears as he held him close, their bare skin touching one another’s.
He could still remember how Taehyung’s skin burned against his own, and how happiness welled up inside of him when he pressed a soft kiss onto his boyfriend’s chubby cheek.
Was it all a lie?
Was Taehyung not as happy as he seemed? Was Yoongi the only one who actually felt happy whenever they were together? Was Taehyung faking a smile, his words empty whenever he responded to Yoongi’s declaration of love?
Did the kisses they shared recently mean nothing to Taehyung? Did he ever mean it when he told Yoongi he wanted to be with him for a long time? Did he ever consider the future Yoongi imagined for the both of them?
Or was Yoongi the only one who ever wanted to be with Taehyung until the end of his days?
Yoongi clutched as his chest, intense pain constricting his heart as tears began to well up in his eyes. The overwhelming ache in his chest became unbearable at the thought of the person he loved so much, losing the love he felt for Yoongi.
Taehyung didn’t love him anymore.
“You… really mean that…” Yoongi could feel the tears streaming down his face endlessly, his body finally showing how he truly felt inside.
Although the tears and the sobs racking up were nothing compared to the destruction occurring inside of him.
He was slowly being shattered into pieces, barely even able to stand as he struggled to breathe, his eyes now fixated on the ground.
He hoped that Taehyung wouldn’t look at him, as it would break him even more if he saw the look on Taehyung’s face.
Taehyung… might not love him anymore , but Yoongi still loved Taehyung with all his heart. He couldn’t stand to see him in pain, even if he was in a much worse condition than the younger was.
“I don’t… feel the same way as I used to. I can tell that I’m not happy, and every time you shower me with love, telling me how much you love me, it feels as if the guilt is eating me up alive because I know in my heart that I don’t feel the same anymore.”
Taehyung took a deep breath, feeling the way his nose began to hurt as tears began to form in his eyes.
“I can’t bring myself to tell you how I really feel, because I know that even though I don’t… love you anymore… I still care about you. I didn’t want to hurt you, and that’s what scared me about the thought of leaving you,” he sniffled, tears already beginning to fall.
Yoongi’s chest constricted even more, the overwhelming pain practically consuming him at this point.
“I care about you, I really do, but the guilt has been consuming me Yoon, and I knew that I couldn’t last any longer. I was gonna break completely, and I knew I had to come clean,” the tears began to fall onto his chin, and down onto his neck as he still kept his gaze down.
“I had to tell you the truth, and I had to end this.”
“Please tell me what I did wrong, Tae,” Yoongi finally mustered the courage to look up, placing his hands on Taehyung’s shoulders, causing the younger to flinch but still kept his gaze down.
“Please… I want to fix this. Please… please, I don’t want to lose you. I love you. I love you so much.”
His voice was quiet, laced with desperation and pain, making Taehyung’s chest ache much more. He’s never heard Yoongi sound this desperate, and it absolutely broke his heart hearing him like this.
Taehyung knew that no matter how much Yoongi begged or how much he tried, he never could force Taehyung’s feelings for Yoongi to return.
He couldn’t force Taehyung’s heart to feel whichever way he wanted, even if Taehyung wanted to feel love for Yoongi yet again. But he couldn’t, and even he couldn’t understand why.
“I’m sorry Yoongi, you can’t. You know that…” Taehyung sobbed, shaking his head as he pulled Yoongi’s large hands off his shoulders. “I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve this. But I couldn’t keep living a lie, it would just hurt us both.”
Yoongi couldn’t contain himself anymore, falling onto the floor as sobs racked up in his throat. The tears seemed to be endless, each time his tears fell down his chin, fresh ones seemed to come to replace them.
He was broken beyond repair, and the only person who would ever come close to fixing him… couldn’t.
“I’m so sorry Yoongi, I’m so sorry.”
Those were the last words Taehyung uttered to him, before he grabbed all of his stuff from their shared apartment and never looked back.
—
Yoongi laid awake in their— no , his bed, his tears dried as he stared blankly at the ceiling above him.
It’s been days, although he wasn’t exactly sure how many.
His best friends were always trying to get him out of bed, even bringing food and themselves to keep him company, as they knew he wasn’t eating and was avoiding everyone.
Yoongi wasn’t even sure how he spent his days, but all he knew was that he’s always been thinking of Taehyung.
The man he loved so much, despite how he broke his heart, his love for him remained and didn’t even waver in the slightest.
He still held onto the hope of Taehyung getting back together with him, although he knew that it was highly unlikely as Taehyung was quite clear that day. No matter what Yoongi did, he couldn’t fix what happened.
Taehyung’s feelings weren’t gonna change.
The very thought made the tears well up again, the blonde couldn’t even make a sound as he’s grown so tired of crying endlessly for days. He just let the tears fall down his face, his heart screaming out for Taehyung, as it usually did.
Taehyung…
Even if he was hurting, all he could think about was Taehyung. All he could long for was Taehyung. All he could ever want was Taehyung.
He didn’t know whether he could forget all about the first boy he ever loved, and he didn’t even think he wanted to. He was supposed to spend the rest of his life with Taehyung.
He was supposed to be his forever.
He was supposed to be.
Yoongi wanted him to be so much. He’s planned out everything about their future— from the number of cats and dogs they would have, the home they would save up for in Daegu, the color of the roof of their house, the number of children and their names.
He’s already thought of every single detail, considering everything Taehyung has mentioned about his preferences and dreams for the past five years, but it was heartbreaking to know that Taehyung would be able to have them… but it would not be with Yoongi.
That just made his heart break even more.
Yoongi’s phone suddenly lit up, indicating a new message. He slowly turned his face to look at his phone on the nightstand. He blinked slowly, it was probably Hoseok asking him if he was alright, knowing well that he wasn’t. At all.
Yoongi weakly reached out for his phone, his eyes squinting as he checked the most recent notification on his home screen. But he was taken by surprise when he read the contact name, his heart racing as he tried to comprehend whether this was real or not.
The name Taehyung was the person who texted him last, and his heart began to beat harder, and for the first time in a long time, he felt something other than misery.
He slowly opened the text, his dry lips parting as his dark eyes read over the message sent to him by his ex-boyfriend, a breath leaving him as the words in the text message registering in his mind.