Chapter Text
April 1990
Being 12 sucked, Reggie learned quickly. Not only did the fighting that had been there for as long as he remembered keep getting worse but now they moved to a new area where he didn’t know anyone. His dad got a promotion and wanted to live closer to his office so against Reggie and his moms pleading the house was put on sale and he had found a house in a new area which meant a new school for him.
He ignored the fact that he didn’t have any friends to leave behind.
It was a lot harder to ignore when he heard it to his room, his dad yelling at his mom who didn’t want to move and was using Reggie as an argument.
“Don’t you care about your son at all! He’s struggling with school as it is, now he’s going to lose his friends too.”
“What friends, he doesn’t have any. If anything this is a chance to start over!”
The words stung and he gripped his bass tighter. He couldn’t really play here when they were fighting or all the shouting would be directed to him but it was still comforting. Humming a melody to a country song he’d heard from the radio earlier Reggie closed his eyes, softly picking at the cords. A chance to start over. Maybe in a new place things would be different. The teachers wouldn’t look so disappointed when he couldn’t focus on the lessons. He could get friends. His parent’s would get finally get along. He could feel wanted and not just the weird kid or the reason his parents keep fighting.
October 1990
Reggie was starting to like the new place. The house wasn't big but there was plenty of space for the three of them, he got his own room upstairs and after covering the walls with posters it started to feel like home.
The house was by the sea and sometimes his dad would take him to the beach and they would throw a ball while his mom made dinner. In the evenings they would watch tv together and his mom would laugh at his jokes instead of telling him to stop fooling around. There hadn’t been complaints from the school even though Reggie knew he wasn’t doing very well. The new school wasn't bad but he still couldn't pay attention during lessons and he was barely passing math. He still didn't have friends but people weren't mean and it was better than his old school. The music teacher, Ms Cooper, lets him play during breaks, giving tips and makes sure he knows how to take care of his own bass. Music was his favorite subject anyway and he liked the way Ms Cooper would give him a stress ball during theory to help focus.
His mom would drink wine most nights but she didn’t get drunk. She was nicer after a few glasses so Reggie didn’t complain.
His dad did.
The fight was a bad one, he could tell from the beginning. The Star Wars movie was still going when he quietly climbed upstairs when the words got nastier and louder. The sounds followed and when he reached to grab the bass he heard a glass shattering loudly, followed by an angry scream.
“Fuck it”, he said to no one and put the instrument down. It felt good to curse so he did it again when he climbed out of the window and dropped down to the ground. Ignoring the muffled sound of his dad shouting the same word inside Reggie ran down to the beach, not caring that it was dark and technically he wasn't allowed to wander too far alone especially this late. The sound of waves relaxed him and he laid down to look at the stars, wandering around the mostly empty beach until it felt safe to go home.
He starts coming here more and more. During a fight no one stops him when he slips out and walks to the beach, just looking at the water stretching far away. It was usually late so there were less people than during the day when kids would run around while the parents enjoyed the sun.
Tonight he wasn’t alone. He recognized the kids from his school, a few from his grade and some he assumed were older.
There was Annie.
Annie had shaggy black hair that she probably had cut herself and a piercing on her lip. She wasn’t loud but there was something that made him forget words and stumble when she looked at him with the bright green eyes that looked more intense framed by thick black eyeliner. She was cool, just like the people around her now, sitting by a fire that definitely wasn’t allowed the exist here. Reggie stumbles and stops.
She was looking at him now, studying like they only met even though he’d sat next to her since school began.
“Hey, you’re in my class, right?” She called out, making Reggie freeze and rest of the group to look at him too.
“Umm, yeah.” Annie motioned him to come closer and Reggie sat down on the cool sand between her and a boy he knew but didn’t know the name of. His hands were sweaty and he started to play with the string of his hoodie, nervous around these people.
“I’m Annie” she smiles at him.
“I know”, he says automatically and immediately regrets, “I mean hi. I’m Reggie.” Annie laughs but it’s not mean like some kids from his last school. The other kids introduce themselves and Reggie starts to relax as they continue chatting. Jack, the boy next to him pulls out a bottle and takes a sip. He coughs and makes a disgusted face, making the others laugh.
“What’s that?” Reggie asks. Jack grins and offers the bottle.
“Whiskey.” Reggie isn’t sure that he wants to drink but Jack is looking at him and the bottle is in his hand so without thinking he goes for it.
It was awful. The alcohol burned his mouth and throat and he almost gagged. Annie took the bottle, her fingers brushing his and Reggie felt like the touch burned almost as much as the whiskey. The bottle makes a round and next time didn’t taste as terrible so he stayed for hours, talking until the fire went out and Holly started to fall asleep and they figured it was time to go home. The world spins around like a carousel, making Reggie laugh when he stands up to walk home.
“I’ll see you tomorrow”, Annie whispers to his ear, warm breath tickling his ear.
December 1991
Sharon sang when he played the banjo, Annie clapping on her thighs to give rhythm and some of the more drunken kids hummed of sang quietly along. It was cold but they were all laughing at the cheerful music that someone kept messing up. Reggie tapped on his instrument as he used one hand to drink from the cup that was shoved in his hand, almost spitting the content out.
“What was that?” He shouted and Annie leaned against him, howling in laughter that he silences with a kiss. It’s still strange but the alcohol makes him loose. His parents will yell at him once he gets home but here he doesn’t care, just like the others avoid their problems. Someone always has a way to get drunk and they can all forget and stop thinking. He didn’t hang with them in school, mostly he was alone and they only met to drink here. He didn't drink much, just enough to feel the effect and be a part of the group. Few of his new friends would brag about drinking so much that they threw up but he didn't want to do that, especially when he knew how much trouble he'd be in his his parents caught him.
“Who knows man, fucking gross.” Jack laughs. Reggie keeps playing, laying on the sand when he gets dizzy. That’s when he sees movement, two shadows walking by the water. He almost says something, warning the others that they need to run before someone catches them before he realizes he knows the kids.
Luke. He sang last week and the other boy played drums. He thinks there was a third one but he can’t recall the face, he’d sat at the back and the assembly had been boring so at that point he’d been more focused on balancing on his chair without falling over. They were good though, he remembered that. He sees them looking, makes eye contact while still playing. Luke says something to the boy but Reggie feels a hand on his knee, Annie gets his attention and when he looks again they were gone.
Christmas came and went, tension filling the house where they all acted like a happy little family with a perfect holiday. Reggie was impressed by how well they were keeping it together even when it was obvious none of them wanted to be there. It was almost a relief to get back to school. He was sitting alone eating lunch when another tray appears in front of him. Reggie grins at the boy sitting in front of him.
“Do you play something other than banjo?” Luke asks. He’s intense, leaning forward.
“Banjo is cool”, Reggie doesn’t answer the question but the dismissive tone when he says banjo. Luke is fun, he thinks. He seems a bit obsessive but for a few weeks Reggie had been looking and he likes how they act like a pack, Luke, Alex and Bobby. Always together.
“It’s country. Rock is way cooler.” Luke replies. Reggie thinks country is pretty cool too but he loves rock too.
“Bass. A little drums but nothing like Alex.” Luke smile is wide then, eyes shining and bright. He's pretty, Reggie can't help the thought when Luke's smile makes him just a little breathless.
“Perfect! We need a bassist.” Reggie sees Annie across the room. Her pretty eyes look a lot like Luke’s when he’s staring at Reggie with the invitation hanging in the air between them. Luke has pretty eyes too, Reggie notes and instantly shoved that back down, trying to focus on Luke when he talks fast, explaining who plays what and how they want to make a real band.
He doesn’t know the boys. His parents wouldn’t approve him being in a band.
“Okay. When do I start?”
July 1992
Reggie was pretty sure that this band was the best thing to ever happen to him. Sunset Curve, his new love was just named and they had started to make their own stuff instead of covers they played at school. Bobby’s parents had a garage that they were making into a studio and things were good. Really good.
The beginning hadn’t been perfect. One time he almost fell asleep in the middle of training because he’d been at the beach and he was probably still drunk. Alex had questioned why he was so tired and when Reggie told the truth Luke got mad. It wasn’t exactly a fight since Reggie refused to play along but Luke had made it clear. No drinking if he wanted to be in the band. Alex had shot him a pleading look and Bobby rolled his eyes behind Luke’s back. Reggie had picked up his bass and walked out without saying a word, leaving Luke to shout after him.
The next day he came back, wordless promise to put the band first. After that he stopped going out to the beach, stopped drinking. The guys welcomed him with a hug and exited shouting, even Luke grinning before pulling him to a hug. It was the right choice and he didn’t regret it even when Annie turned her head to avoid his eyes.
The band was worth it all, even when he lost the way to escape his home.
He saw a picture frame flying inches away from his face, crashing on the wall and shattering. Reggie froze on the stairs, holding on to his bass tighter and looking at the photo of the three of them, smiling on the steps of this house. His mother was crying, cursing at his dad who didn’t listen.
“You’re tearing this family apart!”
“Maybe if you wouldn’t run around with the whores at the office all day we could have a real family”, she hissed. Reggie didn’t know if they hadn’t noticed him or if they didn’t care. The words felt distant, drowned under the sound of his heart beating too fast. Was he having a heart attack? Was it even possible at his age, Reggie wondered, trying to breath even though it felt like there was something choking him.
“Look what you’re doing to Reggie!” Thats when he runs out, tears running down his cheeks as he sprinted to the studio. The practice wasn’t supposed to start in in hour so he was surprised to see Luke already there, guitar in hand and writing in his notebook.
“Reg?”
He couldn’t breath.
Luke was there, hands on his shoulders when Reggie sits down fast, pulling his knees up against his chest.
“Hey, it’s okay, I’m here”, Luke keeps talking even though Reggie only hears half of the words. The touch is comforting and firm, pulling him to a hug.
“C’mon, breath with me”, Reggie tries to follow the slow rise and fall of Luke’s chest and after a minute he’s breathing again, Luke still rubbing his back and talking with soothing words. It was a new side to the Luke Reggie thought he knew. They were good friends but Reggie hadn’t imagined anyone seeing him like this and helping instead of laughing at him or telling him to man up. Luke was still hugging him and Reggie pulls away ashamed of his breakdown.
“Sorry”, he sniffles and wipes his eyes. Luke frowns, laying hands over Reggies knees.
“You don’t have to apologize. I'm here for you. We all are.”
That’s when Reggie knew he would follow Luke anywhere.
January 1993
Reggie was sitting outside of his house, messing around his instrument and singing the song they had been practicing all week when Alex sits beside him.
“Hey”, Reggie greets his friend, surprised by the visit. Usually they all did something together or met at the studio, he didn’t remember last time any of them came to his house.
Alex was quiet and didn’t meet his eyes and that Reggie got worried.
“You okay man?” he stopped playing and set the bass on the ground.
“I need to tell you something. I-“ Alex stared at the ground, pushing the sand in a pile and back down. Reggie laid a hand on his shoulder and waited, trying to figure out what this was about. Was Alex quitting the band? He couldn't, that would ruin them all. Was Alex dying?
“I’m gay”, the words were so fast and silent it took Reggie a moment to understand what he was saying. Gay. That had never crossed his mind, the word was mostly used as an insult. Don't do that Reggie, people will thing you're gay but this was Alex. How could it be wrong for him to love, even if it was another guy?
Shit, that explained a lot. He’d noticed Alex would stare at Luke sometimes and act different around him, in hindsight it was clear he was crushing on Luke.
“I just needed to tell someone, I-I’m sorry if it ruins everything.” Alex was saying and Reggie realized he needed to speak.
“No, no it’s okay Alex. Thanks for telling me,” he turned to hug his friend, “This doesn’t change anything, you’re still my friend.” Alex was shaking with quiet sobs, hugging him back tightly. Reggie was telling the truth, he still loved Alex just like before. He hadn’t seen this coming but Alex was Alex, gay or not. He didn't entirely understand what this meant but maybe it wasn't such a big deal everyone made it be.
“Thanks, Reggie.” Alex wipes his tears when he pulls away.
“Umm, how did you know?” Alex shrugs.
“I just do, same way you know you’re into girls I guess. I’m not ashamed of it, I’m just afraid it’s gonna make things weird.”
“I don’t think it will. At least with the band, we all love you too much for it to be an issue. Who else knows?”
“You’re the first.” Alex is quiet again and Reggie looks up in surprise. It’s not that he and Alex aren’t close, the boy is like a brother to him but it was always Luke and Alex. He didn’t hold it against them, they had been best friends for years and Reggie was fine being pared with Bobby. The guy was fun and they were a group, it didn’t matter who was better friend with who when they all cared about each other this much.
He still felt a little proud to be the first to know.
“Because you like Luke?” He asked before thinking. Alex looked mortified and Reggie rushed to continue, “I won’t tell him or anything if it’s that. It’s just you are close and..” I see the way you look at each other. They sat close and touched each other like there was a magnet pulling them together.
“Yeah, that’s one reason, I don’t want to make it weird. But I think I would have told you first anyway. You’re the least likely to care about being gay.” Reggie smiled and threw his hand over Alex’s shoulder.
“Thanks.”
A week later Alex asks Luke to stay after practice and Reggie gives him a thumbs up before distracting Bobby and letting the boys talk in private.
March 1993
Luke and Alex are dating. Reggie is sure of it, even though they hadn’t told him anything. He’s happy for them, the band it doing well and they have actual gigs now, not just playing in a bookstore. Sunset Curve was going to places.
So no, it didn’t hurt to watch them looking at each other across the room. He didn’t feel jealous when he caught them holding hands.
After all, it’s not like Reggie had a crush on Luke.
He did have enough points from being in a band to get attention from girls so that’s what he did. Bobby was already known as a flirt, Reggie just started to follow him after they played to say hi to girls in the audience and he even went to a few dates. The guys likes to poke fun at his varied success and bad pickup lines but it felt good to be liked.
It was easy to pretend he didn’t notice and he would sometimes ask Bobby to join him so the couple could have time alone. It was a lot harder to ignore when he walked to a practice to see Luke and Alex shirtless on the sofa, making out.
“Shit, sorry!” he yelped when Alex pushed Luke off in a panic, making him fall on the ground with an undignified scream. The drummer was quick to help him up, apologizing. Reggie stood where he had stopped, trying hard not to laugh but failing.
“Oh man, your face”, he pointed at Luke who was still holding Alex’s hand, staring at him.
“Reg, it’s…” he didn’t finish and Reggie just waved his hand, still trying to catch his breath. Alex was red as a tomato and Luke didn't seem able to speak in full sentences which just made Reggie laugh more.
“I’ve known for a while, it’s okay. I’m happy for you.”
He really was. Luke and Alex were blushing, still half naked and holding hands but they were his best friends and he was glad they found each other. Suddenly they were hugging him, laughing along.
May 1993
“Well maybe it’s not my fault you can’t get the beat”, Luke snapped at Alex, who got up and pointed at him with the drumsticks.
“Yeah, or maybe I could play it if it was actually a good song” Reggie shared a look with confused Bobby. Bobby knew that Alex was gay and he was pretty cool about it but they still hadn’t told him they were dating. It was starting to seem like he never would know.
It started a few weeks ago, seemingly out of nowhere. Alex and Luke couldn’t agree on where they would get food from after practice. Then they disagreed on music, where to play, how to play until they fought almost daily. Reggie was on the edge constantly, the arguments at home kept going on and now the band that had became his safe space was falling apart too. Bobby was just lost and annoyed that they were making things difficult when he just wanted to play. Reggie tried not to think about how many bands had broken up because of relationship drama, he couldn't imagine life without Luke and Alex by his side.
“It would be good if you could just focus and try instead of bitching”, Luke stopped trying to play and they stood face to face, muscles coiled in anger.
“Yeah, I’m out. Let me know when we can actually train again.” Bobby says, picking up his guitar. Only Reggie hears him and nods, Luke and Alex are too engaged in the argument to care when the door slams shut.
Reggie wants to leave. For a second he wonders if his old friends still drank at the beach, would they let him join if the band fell apart. The raised voices made him anxious, he was just waiting for them to start throwing things or hitting each other and he saw enough of that already. It wasn’t supposed to be like this in here too.
It wasn’t his parent’s failing marriage. Luke and Alex couldn’t leave, they were all he had.
“Guys”, he tries but neither shows any sign of caring about him. Reggie tried not to cry but he felt the familiar burn of tears behind his eyes.
“Please”, he steps between the boys and Luke grabs his arm hard, about to push him away before stopping to look. The anger is out in a second, regret and worry replacing it when he pulls away. Alex stops talking in the middle of sentence.
“Reggie, sorry. We shouldn’t argue around you like this”, Luke says, pulling Reggie’s hand against his own chest like he always does when Reggie is upset or panicking. The familiar motion makes him realize his hyperventilating again. Alex is apologizing too but Reggie shakes his head. He wants to tell them he can’t lose them, the band is the most important thing in his life now and if they break up he’s left alone again. The words don’t come out though, just sobs and he backs away, more falling than sitting on the couch.
“Hey, it’s okay, we’re gonna be fine. It’s not like your parents”, Luke is touching his knee, Alex sits next to him and strokes his back gently.
“We’ll figure it out but you don’t have to worry. We both love you, man, it's not going to change”, they both keep talking until Reggie can breath again. He’s tired, but when Luke wipes his tears away Reggie nods, believing them. All three of them stay there for the night, sleeping on the couch that was definitely not big enough for them but no one complained.
February 1994
First Luke ran away.
It was a rainy evening when Reggie got a call from Alex, telling him to come to the studio as fast as possible. When he rushed inside he was soaking wet from the bike ride but none of that mattered when he saw Luke sitting on the sofa, eyes red from crying.
“I told them we’re good. Fuck, we’re 16 and already playing this well, it’s not just a stupid dream.” Luke told them everything, about the fight with his mom and running here. How he’s not going back home. Reggie understood, Luke loved music more than anyone he'd met before. He loved this band and playing but even if jamming on the stage with his bass made him feel alive Luke was born to be a musician and everyone could see that. It sucked that his parents didn't believe in that dream, this wasn't the first fight he'd had with Emily.
“I’d offer my place but it’s not that great”, Reggie sits on the other side of Luke, throwing an arm over his shoulder.
“You can stay at mine for a while. Bobby probably wouldn’t mind you sleeping here.” Alex says. Luke nods and Reggie was glad to see the familiar fire back in his eyes.
“I’ll figure it out. Get a roommate or something and live on my own.”
He didn’t have to wait long. A month later Reggie walks to practice to find rest of the boys talking seriously around Alex.
“I told my parents I’m gay.” It was so unfair. Alex had been relatively close with his family and still they treated him like shit after learning who he was, Reggie couldn’t understand how a parent could do that. Luke was furious, shifting between comforting Alex and cursing his family for losing their son over this. Alex looked so small sitting there with tear tracks on his face, Luke playing with his hair and talking in a soothing voice. Bobby looked a little uncomfortable standing there but Reggie couldn't blame him. Bobby was a great guy and a fantastic player but he wasn't as close with the trio, rarely hanging out after practice and definitely not as physical as they were with each other.
Reggie sat on the other side of Alex.
"You're awesome and if they can't see it that's their loss."
Luke and Alex rented a tiny flat. The band scrubbed the dirt from the walls and floor, dragged a sofa they got for free and stayed there for the night, eating pizza and talking about how cool it was to live here. It barely fit the two boys, there was still some shady marks on the wall that they couldn't get out and Reggie was pretty sure the whole building will collapse withing a year but to them it was perfect.
October 1994
The first thing he felt was ringing in his ears, just before the burning pain kicked in. Reggie reflectively touched his cheek where the punch had landed, blinking from the floor where he'd fallen. He could taste blood and his whole face felt hot, eyes tearing up without control. For a moment he thinks his dad is going to apologize, when they all stay still, shocked by the punch. Then the man standing above him frowns.
"Don't be so dramatic. Get up", Reggie flinches away when his dad reaches to pull him up, scrambling up and backing away. His mom isn't helping, she looks upset but stays silent, observing the scene.
He shouldn't be surprised but somehow it was still a shock. Reggie had been following the argument about his future and the band, silent while his parents shouted at each other and ignored him as if he wasn't the reason they were fighting.
"Can't you just get a divorce?" He'd blurted out in frustration. Before he could react his dad turned to him, fist swinging.
He'd never hit Reggie before. Sometimes his parents were rough, grabbing his arm hard enough to bruise or push him if he tried to get between them during an argument but never like this. He stood still for a second, blinking away the tears that he couldn't stop and blood rushing in his ears before bolting out of the door, ignoring the shouting behind him as he ran all the way to the familiar apartment.
"Reggie?" Alex opened the door, welcoming him inside without question even though it was the middle of the night. Luke was sitting on the floor with his guitar, looking up when Reggie stepped in.
"Mind if I stay here for a while?" his voice broke.
"Stay as long as you want. What happened?" Alex investigated his face, Reggie didn't know what he looked like but based on the pulsing pain he'd get a proper bruise on his cheek. Luke tossed a frozen bag of peas and a cloth, which Alex pressed on his face after making him sit down.
March 1995
Orpheum. Reggie was so excited he thought he would jump out of his skin, the energy during soundcheck as insane. The place would be full of people, after tonight everyone would know about Sunset Curve, they would get a record deal and get to tour, years of hard work was going to pay off. They would prove how good they were to their families, get an apartment that wasn't rotting and a career. Tonight would change everthing.